Beautifully Vulnerable

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Hey everyone,

Today's episode is a deeply personal one. I'm about to embark on a 10-day ayahuasca retreat in the sacred valley in Peru, with my primary intention being to address the lingering trauma in my body from past sexual abuse.

This isn't my first experience with ayahuasca. My journey began back in 2015, in the amazon of Peru, where I started confronting the emotional aspects of the abuse. While I feel I've processed much of the emotional pain, I recognize that I dissociated from my body during the experience. One of my key intentions for this retreat is to delve into the physical pain from the abuse and reconnect with my body.

Thank you for being here and supporting me on this journey.

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In today's episode, I use Internal Family Systems with Russel as he talks about a part of himself that he's been numbing that he feels in two fingers, his ring finger and pinkie finger on his right hand.

This part of himself that's been numbing tells me "Like most relationships I've had with women,  this relationship that we've created is going to explode and he's going to have to get help elsewhere. But I don't want that to happen."

 I ask him "What are you afraid would happen if we get to know this part of you that's been numbing you?" He said he was afraid I would think he was clingy, needy, or gross. He tells me this was the hand that he masturbated with and this part of him thought i was going to judge him for his behaviors. This is when he got up and moved around and we lost eye contact. When I brought that up and asked if we can look each other in the eyes and told him I was not going to judge him, and that I am here to help him, he started crying. 

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In today's episode, Russel talks about not fitting in his clothes anymore and how he is ready to acknowledge the emotions he's been numbing with food since he was 5. Today, we dove into this part of him that held a lot of fears around his mom hitting him and being like his stepdad when he grew up.  

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In today's episode, Russel talks about how he has numbed his emotions with food since he was 5 years old. He shares how he has dieted and worked out in the past, and will lose the weight but it all comes back because he is aware he has not dealt with the mental part. 

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In today's episode, we explore, expand, and sit with a young part of Stacey that she describes as shaped like a square, is dark, and sits above her diaphragm. 

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In today's session, Stacey talks about how she is opening an energy healing business, and doing this is paralyzing her. She doesn't know where this stems from and wants to know more about it. She describes this as a black hole. We used Internal Family System to dive deep into this part of Stacey who is under 10 years old. 

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In today’s session, Megan talks about trying to figure out how to just be. She says the way she is has caused a lot of issues, like being a perfectionist. She wants to live without fear. 

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In today's episode, Megan talks about how she has slowed down since October, her goal for the whole year. But as for doing this, she's realized many suppressed emotions have come to the surface. A lot of personality traits she likes about herself she realized are just trauma responses. We dive deep into this newfound understanding she has about herself, and all the emotions that have surfaced along the way.

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In today's episode I do some Internal Family Systems work with a very young part of Nawal. 

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In this episode, we explore the emotions associated with her abandonment wound and how to process them so she could find more fulfilling relationships.

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