Becoming Me

Episode 159

In today's episode, we explore the intersection of enmeshment trauma and spiritual abuse. If you're new to the concept, enmeshment trauma occurs in families that are too close to the point where individual boundaries and self-identity are compromised. This episode delves into the signs and impacts of enmeshment trauma, such as poor boundaries, lack of self-identity, feeling overly responsible for others and constant seeking of approval. 

I also discuss how these dynamics can lead to spiritual abuse within both families and faith communities, particularly through the misuse of authority and abuse of conscience. Offering insights and personal experiences, this episode aims to help you recognise and heal from these harmful patterns especially when they are cloaked in beautiful and ‘holy’ language such as ‘accountability’ and ‘fraternal correction’.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

RESOURCES

Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing (Book)

Holy Hurt (Podcast) 

Understanding Enmeshment Trauma

Enmeshment in Family: Breaking Free from Unhealthy Closeness 
 

CHAPTER MARKERS

00:00 Introduction
00:11 Understanding Enmeshment Trauma
02:33 Healthy Intimacy vs. Enmeshment
05:27 Spiritual and Religious Trauma
09:56 What is Enmeshment Trauma?
13:01 Personal Experiences and Cultural Context
13:47 Signs of Enmeshment Trauma
19:09 Impact of Enmeshment Trauma
25:54 Enmeshment in Faith Communities
32:19 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Episode 158

In this episode, I continue the discussion on spiritual abuse by focusing on Abuse of Conscience. I share my personal journey of discovering this subtle yet pervasive form of abuse, how it affected my life, and my path to recognising my own role in it. 

I discuss how my own spiritual trauma and distorted image of God fuelled my participation in this form of spiritual abuse and share how experiencing God's unconditional love has been crucial in my healing process both as a survivor and perpetrator of abuse of conscience. 

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

RESOURCES

What is Abuse of Conscience? (Podcast by Paul Fahey)

Abuse of Conscience (Presentation by Paul Fahey, Q&A with Fr Boniface Hicks)

Respecting Conscience in Catholicism (Paul Fahey with Amy Grey)

Conscience Invaders 

The Place Where You Stand Is Holy Ground: Recognizing and Preventing Spiritual Abuse in the Catholic Church 

CHAPTER MARKERS

00:00 Introduction
01:23 Resources on Abuse of Conscience
05:50 The Challenge of Accepting Abuse
08:47 Conscience in Catholic Teaching
14:01 Freedom and Consent in Moral Actions
17:41 About Mortal Sin
24:35 Personal Stories of Conscience Abuse
32:08 The Impact of Fear on Faith
42:13 Healing and Repenting from Abuse of Conscience
49:05 Final Thoughts and Invitation to Reflect

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Episode 157

In this episode, I build on my last episode’s discussion of how culture, disembodied faith, and trauma contribute to an environment conducive to spiritual abuse. I delve into the responsible use of power and influence, sharing personal insights and experiences. 

I discuss how, even with good intentions, we can unintentionally harm others by imposing ourselves and violating the sacred freedom of another person’s conscience that even God respects. I offer tips for exercising influence in a non-coercive and respectful manner, emphasising the importance of honouring each person's freedom and dignity. 

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS

00:00 Introduction
05:36 Personal Influence and Power Dynamics
09:54 Why So Hard to Recognise Spiritual Abuse
20:20 Tips for Respecting Others' Freedom
35:14 Conclusion and Reflection

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Episode 156

In this episode, I delve into three factors that facilitate spiritual abuse, especially within the experience of many Catholics. Reflecting on a personal experience during a silent retreat, I explore how complex trauma, disembodied faith, and cultural influences create environments where spiritual abuse can easily occur. 

I share insights on recognising these dynamics and discuss the importance of becoming trauma-informed to foster authentic spiritual maturity and embodied faith. This conversation aims to support individuals on their journey of healing and integration, helping them understand the systemic and personal elements contributing to spiritual abuse.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS

00:00 Introduction

06:02 Three Factors in the Set-Up for Spiritual Abuse

11:25 Cultural Influences on Spirituality

14:20 Silent Retreat Experience

25:48 Understanding Spiritual Maturity

28:05 The Role of Dreams in Spiritual Direction

28:57 Unknowingly Primed for Spiritual Abuse

31:30 Complex Trauma and Authority

36:25 Disembodied Faith

43:21 Recognising and Addressing Spiritual Abuse

49:43 Final Reflections and Encouragement

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Episode 155

In this episode, Paul Fahey joins me in a pivotal conversation about spiritual abuse within the context of evangelisation and church communities. We share our journey from years of traditional evangelisation to a deeper understanding of the Great Commandments and how they relate to the Great Commission. We examine the importance of truly loving others as Christ loves us and how our distorted images of God can impact our relationships and evangelisation efforts. 

We address the often-overlooked emotional and psychological abuses by those in spiritual authority and discuss what a healthy use of authority should look like. We also delve into the critical role of personal integrity and humility for those in spiritual leadership. This episode offers crucial insights into the ways we can foster a more loving and respectful approach to faith, evangelisation and discipleship.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

RESOURCES

Paul Fahey's Spiritual Abuse Workshop (Fall 2025)

Read Paul's excellent reflection: "One cannot proclaim God in a way contrary to God himself: Spiritual Abuse and Evangelisation"

Sherry Weddell’s book Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus 

Catechesi Tradendae 

Dignitatis Humanae 

Pope Francis’ address to the Indigenous Peoples and Members of the Parish Community Sacred Heart 

CHAPTER MARKERS

00:00 Introduction

03:29 Spiritual Abuse in Evangelisation

05:52 Introducing Paul Fahey

09:43 Personal Experiences and Reflections

14:18 The Role of Trust in Evangelisation

25:29 Coercion in Evangelisation

30:48 Subtle Forms of Coercion

44:45 Preferential Option for the Institution

50:26 Defining the End of Evangelisation

53:16 The Importance of Dignity and Freedom

55:23 Evangelisation vs. Proselytism

56:52 Intellectual Conversion vs. True Discipleship

58:15 Lack of Self-Awareness in Evangelisation

01:01:25 Corporate and Individual Responsibility

01:04:33 Historical Context of Church Authority

01:18:35 Healthy Use of Spiritual Authority

01:24:07 E

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Episode 154

As I round off Season 10 of the Becoming Me podcast, here’s an overview of how my content has evolved together with the progression of my interior journey and some updates to address inquiries about my coaching offers. As I take a break from the podcast to recalibrate, I invite you to explore past episodes and continue engaging with my content on my other platforms. God bless and happy becoming!

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS

00:00 Introduction and Season 10 Wrap-Up
00:30 The Journey of Becoming Me
02:10 Exploring Trauma and Spiritual Abuse
05:13 Developmental Stages and Personal Growth
08:23 Challenges and Evolution in Coaching
10:01 The Quest for Self-Understanding
15:07 Integrating New Learnings
18:38 Conclusion and Future Plans

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Episode 153

In this special episode about being securely loved by God the Father, I sit down with Isaac Wicker, a Catholic licensed therapist from Minnesota with a decade of mental health experience and host of the 'Whole Human' podcast. Isaac shares his unique upbringing in a deeply Catholic family in the Communion and Liberation Catholic movement, his transformative experiences, and his innovative 12-week program, 'Known: embraced by the Heart of the Father,' which integrates psychology and Catholic faith.

This conversation is an invitation to explore the security and ease that come from being securely loved by God the Father. I see myself and Isaac as representing two very different kinds of paths towards a secure attachment with God the Father - Isaac was blessed with the experience of secure attachment in childhood while I had to learn to have an “earned secure attachment” from deep healing and integration. 

May this episode bring hope to listeners who struggle to feel safe with God the Father, even as it provides a glimpse of the freedom that being securely loved by the Father brings.

Isaac’s website | Known: Embraced by the Heart of the Father
Isaac’s Podcast | Whole Human

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS

[00:00] Introduction and Overview
[01:21] Meet the Guest: Isaac Wicker
[07:32] The Importance of Big Questions
[18:17] Isaac's Childhood Memories and Family Dynamics
[30:25] The Importance of Secure Attachment in Repentance
[38:37] Embodying Faith Organically as a Therapist
[51:31] Focusing on Loving vs Fixing Someone
[58:32] The Journey of Becoming
[01:00:14] Operating Outside the Boxes of Psychology and Religion
[01:14:38] The Known Program: Healing with God the Father
[01:22:50] The Importance of Showing Up and Being Honest
[01:31:40] Conclusion and Final Thoughts

REFLECTION PROMPT
What has been your relationship with failure and repentance? Do you tend to move toward sorrow and repair, or get caught in shame? Where do you think that pattern comes from?
If you could sit with God the Father today, what would you say or ask, with no pressure to have it together?

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Episode 152  

In this deeply personal episode, I explore the impact of Pope Francis' recent passing, especially how he became a bridge of trust during my period of intense interior deconstruction. Over the past decade, I've grappled with my Catholic faith, my relationship with the church, and undergone a profound journey of inner healing. 

I share how Pope Francis’ actions and witness offered me a path through complex trauma and relational betrayals, both familial and institutional. This episode is dedicated to my fellow trauma survivors who struggle with their faith, relationships, and especially with the institutional Church. 

RELATED LINKS:

• Pope says he is 'deeply sorry' to Indigenous Peoples in Canada
• Pope Francis did the right thing when others would not, says residential school survivor
• Why Pope Francis may be hesitant to rescind the Doctrine of Discovery
• Pope Francis’ Address to the Indigenous Peoples: First Nations, Métis and Intuit
• Joint Statement of the Dicasteries for Culture and Education and for Promoting Integral Human Development on the “Doctrine of Discovery”, 30.03.2023

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS
[00:00] Introduction
[00:48] Personal Struggles and Deconstruction
[02:28] Pope Francis' Impact
[05:30] Journey of Healing and Integration
[07:50] Struggles with the Church
[09:58] Uncomfortable with Pope Francis 2013-2015
[13:38] Not In Touch with My Exiled Parts
[18:45] Awakening to Dysfunction and Abuse
[29:16] Trauma and Betrayal in the Church
[36:05] Father Wound Re-triggered
[38:06] Compassion in Secular Spaces
[40:41] Pandemic Retreat Experience with Gabor Maté
[42:09] Indigenous Trauma and Residential Schools
[44:58] Seeking Apology from the Pope
[48:57] Personal Reflections on Fatherhood and Healing
[58:38] Pope Francis' Apology to the Indigenous People of Canada
[01:03:55] Repudiating the "Doctrine of Discovery"
[01:09:16] A Church That Doesn't Repair
[01:13:37] Hope for the Church
[01:18:28] Conclusion

REFLECTION PROMPT
Have you ever found yourself reevaluating something you once felt certain about? What helped you feel safe enough to explore those thoughts?

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Episode 151 (Bonus)  

In this special bonus episode for Holy Week, I share a deeply personal and vulnerable story about my journey through spiritual trauma and healing. Last year, I wrote an open letter on my personal blog, disclosing the challenges I've faced and continue to face as a complex trauma survivor within the Catholic faith. 

From experiencing physical symptoms of distress during Mass to grappling with deeply ingrained religious guilt, I invite you to witness my journey towards understanding, acceptance, and integration. I hope my story resonates with others who struggle with similar feelings during Holy Week, providing language, comfort, and a sense of solidarity. 

Additionally, I offer practical suggestions for seeking support, emphasizing the importance of trauma-informed care within spiritual and therapeutic frameworks. God meets us exactly where we are, and this episode is an invitation to take that first step towards healing.

Read My Blogposts:

To My Fellow Complex Trauma Survivors Who Struggle with Holy Week

A Good Friday Confession (I Don’t Feel Anything)

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS
00:00 Introduction
02:21 A Vulnerable Self-Disclosure
07:41 The Letter Begins
13:55 Waking Up to Anger and My Body Saying "No"
16:49 Trauma Mingled with Faith
19:42 Dying (To Ego) Into Authentic Love
21:27 Entering Christ's Wounds Through My Wounds
23:12 Why Holy Week Can Be Re-traumatising for Trauma Surviors
26:00 Letting God Love Me Through Self-Love
28:30 New Trauma-Informed Wine Skins Needed
29:54 What Can Trauma Survivors Do To Support Ourselves?
33:13 Final Thoughts
36:02 Conclusion

Support the show

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Episode 150  

In this heartfelt conversation, I sit down with Paul Fahey, a limited licensed professional counselor, retreat leader, and catechist from Michigan, USA. Paul shares insights from his work in pastoral counseling for Catholics who have been spiritually abused and his efforts to educate ministers to be more equipped in their ministry. We delve into the complex nature of spiritual and religious trauma, the importance of language in healing from trauma, and the profound teachings of the Catholic Church on human dignity. 

Through personal stories and shared experiences, we explore the critical theme of dignity, how trauma affects our understanding of love and self-worth, and the necessity of creating safe spaces within or away from the Church for healing and authentic connection. 

This episode offers a rich and thought-provoking discussion on how we can reclaim our dignity and experience God's chaste, non-controlling love in the midst of a fallen world.

Visit Paul Fahey’s website here.
Documents quoted by Paul:

• Dignitatis Humanae
• Patris Corde
• Fratelli Tutti

Read my newsletter post Lament, Hope & Healing: Resources on Spiritual Abuse.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS
00:00 Introduction to Paul Fahey
01:12 Discussing Trauma and Spiritual Abuse
05:53 Exploring Human Dignity in Church Teachings
10:32 Understanding Spiritual Authority and Coercion
35:51 Chastity and Non-Possessive Love
47:33 Healing from Spiritual Coercion
53:45 Struggling with Faith and Depression
56:14 Journey Out of Depression
58:29 Role of a Catechist and Therapist
59:50 The Importance of Experiencing Non-controlling Love
01:01:40 Experiencing God's Reverence
01:04:00 The Concept of Theosis
01:11:51 Challenges in the Church
01:15:44 Accompanying Ourselves in Healing
01:32:03 Forgiveness Demands Justice for the Victim
01:37:22 Wrestling with the Lack of Safety in Church
01:42:24 Reality is Greater than Ideas
01:44:35 Final Thoughts and Gratitude

REFLECTION PROMPT
How have I experienced coerci

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