By Randy Haveson
The podcast currently has 15 episodes available.
Boosting Your Self-Esteem (Ways to Feel Better About Yourself)
“Divert yourself from negativity and focus on staying positive.” -Randy Haveson
Can self-esteem be improved? Yes, self-esteem can absolutely be improved. It's not something you're born with. It's not something that just happens. Self-esteem is something that takes work. And for some, it's easier than for others to build self-esteem. It's a lot more challenging to build. It's like looking at any professional athlete. Some people seem to have a talent for it, and some have to work hard at it. But it is possible for anyone. In this week's episode, Randy Haveson talks about something close to his heart, boosting your self-esteem.
Part One of ‘Boosting Your Self-Esteem (Ways to Feel Better About Yourself)’
No matter where you are on the continuum, no matter where you are in terms of how you feel about yourself and where you fit in the world, self-esteem can always be better. This is something we should all be focusing on, especially with all the uncertainties and chaos around us. So, now is a perfect time to focus on what you can do to help yourself feel better about who you are and where you fit.
“Perspective is about where you want to shift your focus.” - Randy Haveson
Another part of the self-esteem process is to be patient with yourself. Give yourself loving kindness in the process. When you're feeling like you're having a down day, allow yourself to have a down day. You deserve to have some downtime. Won't you expect people to understand you when you're feeling low and give you words of comfort that they're just there beside you no matter what? And if you're surrounded by people who can be there for you when you're down, you should be there for yourself as well. Just be there for you and allow yourself to have your good days and bad days.
Look for little ways every day that you can find some gratitude even during your lowest moment. Look for things that are going to brighten your day. Don't sit in front of the TV for four hours watching all the breaking news of what's going on with the virus. Instead, look for ways to divert yourself from negativity and look for some things to be positive about.
Part Two of ‘Boosting Your Self-Esteem (Ways to Feel Better About Yourself)’
Right now, everyone is in the process of creating a new normal. And the cool part about creating a new normal is that it's up to you, you get to create that for yourself. Now, what's going to happen with that when the dust settles after the whole virus thing? Absolutely no idea. That's part of the uncertainty. But we get to all recreate ourselves with whatever the new normal is, with your work, with your family, with all the things going on in your life. Things are now different. So, we can either roll with those differences and be like a reed in the wind or be the oak tree where you want things to be the way they were.
When the strong wind comes, the oak tree usually breaks. So, we want to be the reed and bend with the changes. And when it comes to self-esteem, the more self-esteem you have, the more you're able to adapt to whatever happens around you. So that's the whole goal of this, to be adaptable, to be okay with the changes no matter what those are. And by taking care of yourself now, you're going to be better off in the future. So, the whole goal is for you to be as happy as you can be with who looks back at you in the mirror and to feel good about where you fit. You might not even know where you're going to fit once this whole thing is over.
“Fear is detrimental to building self-esteem.” - Randy Haveson
Perspective is all about where you want to shift your focus in the things you have or the things you don't have, the things you're grateful for, and the things you're regretful for. It's about shifting that and moving up that continuum to a higher level of self-esteem and away from ego. Focus on what you can do to help your family, what you can do to help your society, your community; then, you're going to be much better. If you have friends that you have not spoken to for a long time, why not check how they're doing right now? This quarantine period is a perfect time to catch up with them.
Lastly, a lot of people are living in fear right now. You can either let your fear consume you, or you can choose to take care of yourself and your family. When you lean into the fear, that can get you off balance and can be detrimental to building self-esteem. So, part of what your part of your journey and what you're looking to do in feeling better about who you are and where you fit in the world is not to give your fears as much energy as you would before. It's not about getting rid of your fear and pretending it's not there. You still have to acknowledge your feelings and recognize what's going on with you. But again, not feeding it to the point where it becomes bigger and overwhelming. So, let it be what it is. Roll with it. This is a great analogy and a way to look at it too. It's like swimming in an area where there's a lot of currents, what you learn is don't swim against the current, so you don't end up burning all your energy. And to give you some hope, remember the times you've been through some rough times and how you got through it stronger. Stay safe, stay happy, stay healthy, and take time to build your self-esteem.
ABOUT RANDY
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country, and the world find their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools, and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. www.randyspeaks.com
Drawing a Line Between Self-Esteem and Ego
"Ego tends to be more about ME, whereas self-esteem tends to be more about WE." - Randy Haveson
A lot of people are still confused about self-esteem and ego, and it's the best time to draw a line and clearly define their differences. By doing so, it can help people as they continue their life journey. Listen to this episode and get to know more about self-esteem and ego.
Part One of ‘Drawing a Line Between Self-Esteem and Ego’
Most of us are conditioned at a young age to believe that self-esteem and ego are the same. It's like we are living in this world where we have labels on our shirt, and that same label gives us our value and worth.
But that's far from the truth. If you must know, ego and self-esteem are not connected. It's on opposite ends of a continuum.
"The goal here is to help you move towards a higher sense of self-esteem and away from ego." - Randy Haveson (06:44 - 06:50)
Given the health crisis we have now, people live in fear and panic. But let’s look at it differently and see it as just a time for uncertainty. We have to find ways on how we can help ourselves and our families.
And what do we do?
We need to be positive now, more than ever. We have to support and talk to each other. Give virtual hugs if possible. And since we are not going outside, this is the best time to reflect, look at who we are, and see where we fit in. Use this time to build your self-esteem.
Let’s talk about ego first. People with high ego need to feel like they are getting over on someone else. They tend to knock each other down to feel good about who they are.
On the other hand, people with high self-esteem tend to build people up. They have thoughts such as, 'I want people to be happier than me' or 'I want them to be more financially stable.'
It means you are not intimidated by other’s intellect, wealth, or even looks.
So, the next time you see someone driving your dream car, don't say, 'I wish I had that kind of car.' Instead, you say, 'I'm happy for that person that they can have that type of car.'
Part Two of ‘Drawing a Line Between Self-Esteem and Ego’
With all the Coronavirus crisis happening all over the globe, we must need to work on our self-esteem. We need to feel better for ourselves so that we can help other people and this planet.
These days, we see a lot of motivational posts on social media. Perhaps, you've received messages from your friends and families asking how you are doing. And that's a great thing to witness! We need to be connected. And if we connect from a place of esteem, we are going to be better off.
Take a look at yourself. Reassess your life and see where you are in that continuum. And remember, there's no wrong place to start if you need to change. You can work on your own path and get that right amount of self-esteem.
"We become a better society when more people are invested in self-esteem rather than reinforcing ego." - Randy Haveson
Now, this whole thing isn't about perfection. Perfection is the trait of the ego. What you need is to be the best version of yourself. When you do that, you are becoming your own best friend. And you are with your best friend; you are never alone.
Look for ways to treat yourself. Do things that can raise your self-awareness. Write a journal. Read books. Watch motivational videos. It's time to work on your personal growth. Again, this is the best time to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of others too.
Stay safe, stay connected, even if we need to be separated for the time being.
HOW TO CONNECT
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country, and the world finds their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools, and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. www.randyspeaks.com
How Self-Esteem Will Help You During Uncertain Times
“When you have solid self-esteem, you still feel good about yourself even when the whole world seems to be chaotic.”-Randy Haveson (00:48-00:56)
Lately, we're seeing a lot of horrible things happening. We're getting a lot of information, and we're not sure how to process it. This is where self-esteem steps in. In this week's episode, Randy Haveson talks about how self-esteem will help you during the pandemic.
Part One of ‘How Self-Esteem Will Help You During Uncertain Times’
When you have solid self-esteem, you still feel good about who you are and where you fit in. Even when the whole world seems to be chaotic. Just like a house with a stable foundation, it can't be influenced or taken away by external factors.
“Having high self-esteem is like a solid house that can't be influenced or taken away by external factors.” - Randy Haveson (01:14-01:23)
Self-esteem isn’t perfect. It's a work in progress. But we're just looking to get better one day at a time. To feel better about who we are and where we fit in the world. That's the whole goal. It's not about being perfect because perfection is an ego thing.
Part Two of ‘How Self-Esteem Will Help You During Uncertain Times’
There are many things you can do to take care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self. Be consistent with your daily workout, consuming healthy food, going for a walk, watching a great movie or writing a journal.
There are a lot of ways to raise self-esteem and feel better about who you are. The harder you work at something, the more you gain. The better you feel inside, the more confidence you have to do more.
“There's no such thing as perfect self-esteem.” - Randy Haveson (08:29-08:31)
Take care of yourself. Even though we're not doing things outside right now, and we're not going to a lot of different places, there are things that you can do by taking care of the inside. Great things will happen for you if you get out of your way and learn how to become your own best friend.
How To Connect
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country, and the world finds their paths in life and learns the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools, and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. www.randyspeaks.com
What can you do to develop and build your self-esteem? Many people are under the misconception that it just happens without any efforts. That's not how it works. Building self-esteem takes time. It takes a lot of work and patience for you to recognize your self-worth. In this week's episode, Randy Haveson shares his insightful perspective of how you can develop your self-esteem.
Part One of ‘How Self-Esteem is Developed’
There are many successful people today who had to put a lot of work into developing skills as beginners. Every before they got known for their craft. As you go through the development process, you have to treat yourself kindly.
If you compare yourself to someone else and think that you're better than them, then that's your ego taking over. One of the key ingredients to developing self-esteem is to only compare yourself with yourself.
“It's devastating to compare yourself to others.” - Randy Haveson
Once you're on the path of building your self-esteem, you will encounter negative feelings such as fear, sadness, and doubts. Challenge yourself to do something today that's different than what you did yesterday. Something you can be proud of. It's not about making huge leaps. It's about taking small steps, little victories along the way.
Developing self-esteem requires a support system because it's challenging to do it alone. You want to find a community of people who are going to support you. And sometimes, what works for you might not work for others.
Part Two of ‘How Self-Esteem is Developed’
There are so many ways to develop self-esteem. All four parts of self, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, all four are just as important. Look for little ways to be of service in your community and to your friends.
“Self-esteem is about acknowledging the things that aren't perfect about us.” - Randy Haveson
Self-esteem is about acknowledging the things that aren't perfect about us, the things that other people might see as weaknesses. For us, it's just a part of who we are. Learning how to manage and deal with your feelings is important too. Look at yourself in the mirror. How do you feel about that person looking back? And the goal is no matter what that is today, a year from now, are you feeling better about who you are?
How to Get Involved
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country, and the world finds their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools, and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. www.randyspeaks.com
Can Self-Esteem Be Changed?
“Who you are on the inside has nothing to do with the number on a scale.” -Randy Haveson (01:01-01:05)
Can self-esteem can be changed? The answer is yes. It changes all the time. Practice being more conscious of your self-esteem level. It can control whether your self-esteem grows or whether your ego grows.
Our society has sold us a massive lie. Telling us that ego and self-esteem are defined by the label on our shirt, the number on a scale, the kind of car we drive, and the zip code we live in. In this week's episode, Randy Haveson sheds light on self-esteem.
Part One of ‘Can Self Esteem Be Changed’
Who you are on the inside has nothing to do with a number on a scale. It has nothing to do with your zip code. Many people live in huge mansions but are miserable. Some are happily residing in lower-middle-class families and communities.
Self-esteem and ego are not combined. They're actually on opposite ends of a continuum. When you reinforce your ego, you deny your esteem. When you build your self-esteem, you deny your ego.
“When you're strong with who you are and your self-esteem is raised, life can throw whatever it throws at you and it doesn't hurt as bad.” – Randy Haveson (04:18-04:27)
For instance, if someone doesn't like something about you or didn't like what you did, there's a tendency for ego to get in the way. You'll feel like you have to please everybody. But you have to realize that it's not your job to please anybody. So, the whole goal is to help you shift down that continuum closer to a higher sense of self-esteem and letting go of that ego, which does you no good whatsoever.
Ego says you have to be perfect or be in control all the time. Self-esteem pushes you to do your best. There's a beauty that happens when you start to raise your self-esteem. Life takes turns, and it can be great. Sometimes, life can throw obstacles at you, and it can be challenging to get through tough times.
If you're struggling with something, as long as you maintain a high level of self-esteem, life can throw whatever it throws at you, and it doesn't hurt as bad. When you're solid with who you are, and you nourish the four parts of self: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, when you do that regularly, you get stronger.
Part Two of ‘Can Self Esteem Be Changed’
Life can be hard, but you can walk through it. There's nothing that's happening today that a year from now could be as devastating as it feels right now. Do you remember back in your life maybe a year or two or five years ago? Something was going on. You questioned how you would get over it. Where are you now? You got over it. So, whatever you're dealing with today, you're going to get over that too.
“Anything is possible as long as we get out of our own way.” – Randy Haveson (18:52-18:54)
The key to finding hope, no matter what's going on, is to find something to be thankful for. To feel some humility about. Play with your grandkids for a day. Take them shopping. Take them out for ice cream, watch them laugh, watch them smile, feel that joy, and feel that happiness. There are many things you can do, like journaling, making a list of all the things you're grateful for.
If you feel like you're struggling to overcome specific challenges, sometimes we face it with the support of others. One of the ways we exercise our mental or emotional selves is by leaning on others and letting them support us, so you're not alone.
There are people out there who care about others, even if they're strangers. Anything is possible as long as we get out of our own way. The solutions will happen when we're ready.
How to Get Involved
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country, and the world finds their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools, and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. https://theriseorg.com/
What Happens When Ego Takes Over
Ego is taking over in the world today. As things become more chaotic, people gravitate towards what feels safer. In this week's episode, Randy Haveson talks about what happens when the ego takes over.
Part One of ‘What Happens When Ego Takes Over’
The theory about self-esteem and ego is that they're not connected. Self-esteem and ego are opposites. They're on opposite ends of a continuum. When we build our ego, we deny our self-esteem. When we develop our self-esteem, we deny our ego. Self-esteem says that you have value regardless of your status in life.
“Leave more room for self-esteem.” – Randy Haveson (14:10-14:11)
If you compare the janitor and the CEO, both of them do great things that are beneficial for everyone. The CEO may be the boss, but his job doesn't make the janitor's job less valuable because cleaners maintain cleanliness. We all have value no matter what our position is in life, from the homeless person to the richest man on the planet. If we're more self-esteem based on our thinking and actions, how much better would this world be?
As you develop your self-esteem, you'll notice that ego sometimes gets in the way, and that happens typically. It's not an easy process because we all have our good and bad days. It works like a stock market. It can fluctuate on a daily basis. But over a period of time, it always seems to go up. That's what we want to do with self-esteem. It's not about being perfect or getting it right all the time. Give yourself a break and treat yourself like your own best friend. Not your own worst enemy. Be more aware of how ego crops up in your life.
When you notice that your ego is starting to take place, be gentle, and don't beat yourself up. As you treat yourself with kindness, it becomes easier to let go of the ego. Sometimes we make giant leaps, but most of the time, we take baby steps.
As you let go of your ego, you start getting more focused on what other people think rather than what you think. What other people think of you is none of your business. It's a total waste of energy.
Part Two of ‘What Happens When Ego Takes Over’
What other people think of you is none of your business. It's a total waste of energy. There's a difference between worry and concern. Be careful about how much worry you have in your life. Start becoming more aware of that. And let's see if you can shift from worried to concerned. That's going to make a huge difference in your life.
“Stop caring so much about what other people think.” – Randy Haveson (09:51-09:54)
When the ego starts taking over, people become more self-conscious. You doubt yourself. You start criticizing other people or knock them down. When something doesn't work out the way you want, re-evaluate the situation and do something differently next time. It takes some work to build self-esteem. It takes work to have things of value. But it's worth it, and beautiful things will start to happen.
How to Get Involved
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a renowned speaker that exudes raw, energy-fueled magnetic charisma, with the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country and the world finds their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. www.randyspeaks.com
How Self-Esteem Can Be Damaged
“We tend to do things that will make us feel better temporarily.” -Randy Haveson (01:57-02:13)
Many people treat themselves poorly, instead of like a best friend. Think about the world if all people had high self-esteem, self-respect, and treated other people equally. This world would be a better place. In this week's episode, Randy Haveson talks about how self-esteem can be damaged.
Part One of ‘How Self-Esteem Can Be Damaged’
I continually get approached by people who seem to be engaged in conversations around self-esteem. I'm aware of how people relate to the world and to those around them. The point of my books and my workshops is to get people to start treating themselves like their own best friend rather than their own worst enemy.
“It is not what’s outside, but what is inside that counts.” – Randy Haveson (05:01-05:05)
There are certain things that we do that damage our self-esteem. We do this regularly and it is hard to change. But it can be done. We all have times of poor self-esteem that we're ashamed of it. We attempt to hide and cover-up. We use temporary pleasures like food, alcohol, and sex in an inappropriate way to feel good momentarily.
In the long run, it doesn't fill that emptiness. It doesn’t help us to feel better about who we are and where we fit in the world. This is a hard one for me because, to be honest, that voice that is so dark is still inside of me. I see it is for so many people. I've learned over the years that the more we fight that voice inside us, the more it wins. It's like the Star Wars principle. The force, the light, and battling the dark side. When we think about that dark side that's inside of us, it can feel like we're never good enough. It feels like we're a disappointment to our role models.
We all have battles going on inside of us. It's is one of the reasons why this metaphor resonates with many people.
One thing that bugs me about the way that people portray themselves in the media is they seem to be hiding underneath beautiful lighting, photoshop, and make-up. What's happening behind it all? Who is that person? We see in the media how people portray themselves to be, but what are they really like? It surprises us when we first hear about stars making a lot of money and becoming famous. Then, we see them having a mental breakdown, they're in rehab, they commit suicide. They portray an image of being a perfect person. We think if we're not perfect, it means we're less, and there's something wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. We all do the best we can daily. It's about living, not just surviving. It's about finding those things in your life that give you joy, that will balance the pain that we sometimes feel inside. No matter how well I did, no matter what I strived for, I never felt like it was good enough. I threw that away when I decided to treat myself like my own best friend.
Part Two of ‘How Self-Esteem Can Be Damaged’
I told my daughter, 'I will always love you even though I might not like what you do, that there's a difference between what you do and who you are.' Back in my drug days, I would do horrible things to myself. I'd rip off other people, and it was a nasty way to live. And I thought I'm was an awful person, but that wasn't true. I was a good person struggling to find my way. I did terrible things to myself and to other people that did not make me a bad person. I began to get into my recovery, I realized I'm not all bad. But I'm not perfect by any means. I have bad days; I have good days. I get down on myself sometimes. My ego still tends to get in the way sometimes, and it lowers my self-esteem. It happens. We're all human doing the best we can daily.
“If what you do becomes a pattern, that can become symbolic of who you are.” – Randy Haveson (07:53-07:57)
Find one thing to be grateful for, whether it's a relationship, a talent of yours, or something you enjoy doing. Even if it's just gratitude for the gift of another day, That is sometimes is a real struggle. Look for one thing to be grateful for and focus on that. There are many ways to raise self-esteem and release the ego. This world should be more grounded in self-esteem so that people start to treat themselves better. That voice in your head that's always knocking you down, you don't have to give it energy anymore. You choose where your power goes. If you keep feeding negative thoughts, they will eat you alive.
If you're seeing someone else struggle, help them to get out of the darkness and find the light. Let someone know that you're willing to help, but set boundaries for yourself. Help yourself before you help others. We all have our struggles, we have our down moments, and days where we want to say, screw it. Put one foot in front of the other, do the best you can. Tomorrow, hopefully, you'll feel better than you did today. The whole point is to treat yourself like your own best friend rather than your own worst enemy. You cannot give in to the dark side. Watch the way you treat yourself. Do little things to find gratitude, to be of service, to do something, to get out of negative thinking. If you're having negative thoughts, you have the power to choose not to listen. You can do this. You can find yourself in the light.
How to Get Involved
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy, magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the world define their path in life. He teaches the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. www.randyspeaks.com
Developing A Core Value System
“We Can All Have Different Core Values and Still Be Together.” - Randy Haveson (15:17-15:24)
As we develop our self-esteem, we get to develop a core value system that resonates with us. It makes life simpler because every decision you have in your life will come from that value system. In this episode, Randy talks about developing a core value system.
Part One of ‘Developing A Core Value System’
Integrity is one of my core values. So, when I go to the store, and the cashier gives me too much change back, then my integrity says I need to let that person know that they gave me too much change. It's not even a question, it's something that I do because my core value is integrity. It means that I live an integrity filled life.
“Don’t judge someone by their external appearance.” – Randy Haveson (02:23-02:27)
Respect is one of my core values. That means that I treat everybody that I see with respect. I don't look at someone and judge them by their shoes, by their car, and by the uniform they wear. Respect comes by self-respect first.
When I have respect for myself, then I can have respect for others. It doesn't happen the other way around.
When I get respect from others, then I can respect myself. I found that this kind of mindset doesn't work, that it has to start with self. That's why self-esteem and all the things that come along with that start with the inside work. That's what makes it so difficult. We look for things that are going to make us feel better on the outside. But that doesn't work. It's only a quick fix.
The real happiness that we can have in life comes by finding it inside and then taking it out — living from the inside out rather than from the outside.
Respect for self is one of those key ingredients that helps me to respect those who walk in the world with me. I appreciate them for who they are. I respect them for what they bring. Now when I see someone who's taking advantage of others and living in an ego state world, I look at these people, and I don't pity them. Those are the kinds of people that I want to have in my life. I want to fill my life with people who are genuine and authentic. Those who are real and share their hurts as much as they share their joys. People who are real with what's going on in their lives.
I have people ask me all the time if I have a great day every day. I say no. I have 10 to 15 down days a year, and I allow myself to have those. And when I allow myself to have my down days, if I have enough respect for myself to respect the down as much as the up, then the downs don't last as long, and they aren't as intense as they used to be. So, I found that by having respect for myself, by living a life of integrity, then I'm happier. My decision-making process is much simpler, and I'm delighted.
Part Two of ‘Developing A Core Value System’
Your core value system might be different from your spouses, from your friends, and from the people that you share with. You can talk to them about these values but it's important for you to develop it yourself. Find the ones that kind of harmonize with you more than any other value. And here's the cool part. It can change. So, even if you develop a core system tomorrow or today, this motivates you to go develop your core value system. Your core value can shift in a month or a year from now. And that's okay because they're yours. There's no right or wrong way to do this. There's no right or wrong way to develop a value system. It's very personal to you. So, find the ones that work for you.
Here's a real-life example. It used to be terrifying for me to start my own YouTube channel and a podcast. I was afraid that I wouldn't be good enough. Or it wasn't going to be the quality that I wanted to put out there. And then I realized that if I'm going to walk with integrity, I'm being genuine with who I am. I'm sharing the lessons that I've learned over almost 60 years. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it might not be the best channel out there.
“You can do anything as long as you stay out of your way.” -
Randy Haveson (09:42-09:45)
Hopefully, through the things that I've learned, it'll cut your learning curve down. And that's the whole purpose of this, to help you in doing that. I still get a little anxious every time I do one of these. But it's okay to feel anxious. It's okay to be a bit scared, and I do it anyway. And that's where the courage comes from. I value respect, integrity, and courage.
I also value honor. I want to be an honorable person in this world. I do it because I enjoy being of service. I enjoy being a positive and productive member of our society. Develop a core system and start living a life with more self-esteem. You're going to be able to put more positive energy back into the world. What works for you might not work for other people. But that's okay. You can have different value systems and still be together. Sometimes you put them together, and it becomes brighter.
How to Get Involved
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country and the world find their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as: self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. https://randyspeaks.com/
Self-Esteem is Earned, Not Learned
“The Best Way to Earn Self-Esteem Is to Unlearn Your Worst Thoughts and Behaviors.” Randy Haveson (06:10-06:19)
People tend to think that ego and self-esteem are similar. But one of our greatest enemies is ego because it hinders us to be the best version of ourselves. We focus too much on the external things not realizing there’s an internal work that we need to do. In this episode, Randy Haveson talks about self-esteem and how we can earn it.
Part One of ‘Self-Esteem is Earned, Not Learned’
The reason why it's called self-esteem is that it is something that we do for ourselves. It's earned. It's something that happens only from hard work. It's not something that magically happens, and you gain esteem in a split second. It doesn't work that way. You need to put out some effort to make it happen. It can take weeks, months or even years to make a significant difference.
“If others can do it, you can do it too.” – Randy Haveson (09:52-09:53)
Raising your self-esteem depends on how much energy you put into it to see the positive results. It's like going to the gym. It's going to be hard at first. Everything in your brain screams and is telling you to stop. It's pushing you to go back to your careless lifestyle and eat unhealthy food. But, after you go to the gym a few times, you start to become more consistent. You work hard and see the changes happening. If we are taking care of our physical bodies by working out, it's the same thing with our self-esteem. There are certain actions that you need to do. I will never ask another person to do something that I myself haven't done or wouldn't be willing to do myself.
That's one of the promises that I made because for myself because integrity is important. Integrity is walking the talk and not talking without actions. If I ask you to do something or I put something in my book, it's something that I'm currently doing, or I have done in the past. Which means that these things work. Some of you know my story and others don't. I've been through moments where I had zero self-esteem. The choices that I was making were putting me in this corner where I felt like I had no way out except to end my life. I realize now that was desperation and that was my lowest point. That's when I finally reached out for help. I got the help and support that I needed to start this journey back. So, it's overwhelming when I look at where I was back in May 1984 and look at where I am today. It's pretty amazing to see these differences. How my confidence has grown. How my cockiness has decreased. How my humility has grown. How my humiliation has decreased. My life back then was more on ego and looking good to everybody else. I never thought it’s possible for me to be a professional speaker. Or a life coach to help other people with difficulties in their life.
There’s nothing wrong when it comes to seeking help. We all have been through moments where we felt lost. But, if we just put our heart and mind into something, we can achieve anything!
Self-esteem is realizing we're all unique and equal. We all have something to offer everybody else. It's not that anyone's better or worse than anybody else. We're all different.
Part Two of ‘Self-Esteem is Earned, Not Learned’
We all have our own unique gifts. You shouldn't look at someone to be intimidated by. I don't get intimidated by people because we all have something to offer each other. Years ago, I joined a National Speakers Association. I gained a lot of valuable tips and I watched my speaking career take off. It was awesome! I love getting on stage and motivating people. I love helping them to look at life a little bit different so they can be happier and healthier as well.
It takes a long time to get there. I wouldn’t have the confidence to get on stage back in the early twenties. That was the time when I was struggling with who I was and where I fit in the world. And today I can do that because I worked on my self-esteem. I've worked on myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. By doing all four of those things, I now feel better about myself. I got rid of those obstacles that got in the way of my success. There's nothing special that I've done. There's nothing. People may think, “Oh, well, Randy found the magic well, and he's drinking from it”. No, there's no magic. Well, any of you watching this or listening to this can do this to it.
“We are all a product of the choices we make.” – Randy Haveson (11:03-11:05)
The future lies in the palm of your hands. Because you decide what kind of life you want to live in. If you don't like what you're getting in life, then change what you're doing. You're going to keep getting what you're getting if you keep doing what you're doing. I love that saying. I heard that a long time ago from one of my supervisors. It made sense and I put that into practice today. If you want to make changes and do things differently in your life, do it now.
Start with little baby steps. Crawl before you walk. Walk before you run. You're going to find that you're going to be more successful. There are a lot of ways to raise self-esteem and feel better about who you are. The harder you work at something, the more you gain. The better you feel inside, the more confidence you have to do more. And the more confidence you have, the more you become effective in serving others. Great things will happen for you if you get out of your own way and learn how to become your own best friend.
How to Get Involved
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country and the world find their paths in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as: self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. https://randyspeaks.com/
7 Tips for Improving Self-Esteem
“Get Rid of The Negative and Make Room for The Positive Things.” -Randy Haveson (02:10-02:15)
Self-esteem is essential because it lets you know where you fit into this world. It’s like a support system that helps you get rid of that negative self-talk. In this episode, Randy gives 7 helpful tips on improving self-esteem so you can have a healthy and happy life.
Part One of ‘Tips for Improving Self-Esteem’
One of my theories is that our society tells us that ego and self-esteem are similar. Sometimes we let the standards of our society that focus on external things define us.
“You’ll never have perfect self-esteem, but you can always choose to be better each day.” – Randy Haveson (20:08-20:38)
Ego and self-esteem are on opposite ends of a continuum. When we reinforce the ego, we deny our self-esteem. And, vice versa. The goal is to move down that continuum towards a higher sense of self-esteem so we can feel better about who we are.
One of the things that I like to talk about improving self-esteem is getting rid of the things that don't work for us. It's almost like going for a hike with 50 pounds of rocks in a backpack. We can still do the hike, but it's going to keep us from going as fast as we want to go. It's going to drain our energy more. It's going to take more energy to move down the path. You must do something to have a better hiking experience. You either get rid of the rocks in the backpack or getting rid of the backpack altogether.
The trick to improve self-esteem and let go of the negativity is to accept that the hole will always be there. It's not something to be afraid of or make you angry. It's not something to be ashamed of. We all have imperfections and shortcomings.
I wasn't the best at the things that I was doing back then. I thought that meant I was not good enough. But I didn't put the energy into what I was good at. I always compare myself to others. I looked at the things that weren't working for me. As I did that, I needed to find a way to fill the hole. Some people attempt to mask the hole. They try to cover the hole up. I attempted to fill mine with alcohol, drugs, dating, going out with people that weren't good for me. I attempted to fill that hole in so many different ways. But the more I attempted to fill the hole up, the bigger the hole got.
Part Two of ‘Tips for Improving Self-Esteem’
It's about accepting ourselves for who we are. So, it's not about comparing ourselves to others. Every time we compare ourselves with someone else, the hole gets bigger. Every time we compare ourselves with ourselves, we tend to focus more on how better we have become. Things like learning more about my character defects and what I can do to overcome them. Every time I do that, I feel better about who I am, and the hole gets smaller. The hole will never completely go away. So, it's about accepting that hole for being a part of you. It will always be there, honor the hole for being there. Respect the hole because it has a purpose. It does have positivity to it. It's not negative at all. The hole is what makes us more alert in different situations.
“Always choose to be the best version of yourself.” – Randy Haveson (10:21-10:25)
There's a difference between cocky and confident. People who are high in ego tend to be very cocky. They try so hard to show people how cool they are. How good they are at something. People who are confident with who they are don't need to prove anything. Confident people don't need to talk about how proficient they are at a certain task. That is the work of the ego. It's about finding confidence over cocky. I have nothing to prove to anybody else. I want to be the best version of myself that I can be and that's the only thing I need to do. Improving self-esteem is about moving more toward confidence. It's about seeing the things that you do well. Be proud of yourself and happy for being able to have the talent in that specific area.
Another thing is humility vs humiliation. The same thing can happen to two different people. One person is completely humiliated by it and the other person is humbled by it. When experiencing bad things, ask yourself what can you learn from it? That's humility. Humility is realizing I'm a fallible person. I'm going to make mistakes, but when I make a mistake, I'm going to learn from that so that I don't make the same mistake again. The last thing I want to emphasize is judging yourself. Judging yourself is usually a bad idea because we usually find our shortcomings. It’s more about evaluating yourself to identify what you can do better.
Some other simple things that you can do is to look for ways to connect with yourself. Don't forget to nourish the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects. When we exercise and nourish the other parts of self in a healthy way, we feel better about who we are. We have more energy throughout our day.
Yes, I am happy and enjoying my life and everything that it has to offer. I want to live each day with gratitude, I walk into each day wondering what I can do to be of service to others. You're going to move up that continuum as you start to practice this path on your own. You're going to feel better about who you are and take that pressure off yourself. It's not about being perfect. It's not about always being in control. It's about being teachable. And it's about knowing that I don't have all the answers. What can I do to feel better about who I am, and my place in life?
How to Get Involved
Hitting the stage internationally, Randy is a welcomed speaker that exudes raw energy fueled magnetic charisma and the relatability of a best friend. He helps audiences around the country and the world find their path in life and learn the self-esteem building skills necessary to be positive, productive, and fulfilled members of society. Find out more about his speaking and consulting firm that helps businesses, schools and individuals address topics such as: self-esteem, alcohol & other drugs, leadership development, and more. https://randyspeaks.com/
The podcast currently has 15 episodes available.