In this week’s Fast Five, we hitch a ride with a former Army Ranger, wake up in a medieval fever dream, and head to space to fight a rock monster that cuddles gravity like a teddy bear. Also: what is the virtue of patience? And how do you escape a fog that may or may not be alive?

Five beers. Five movie pitches. And only one will become next week’s Feature Film.

This Week’s Beers and Bonkers Pitches:

🍺 Destination Unknown – Fieldwork Brewing

A retired Army Ranger turned Bloober driver picks up a mysterious passenger. She doesn’t give a drop-off… just says: “Take me to a destination unknown.” 🚗💀

🍺 Broken Kingdom – New Trail Brewing

A man wakes up in a fantasy kingdom. The only way to break the curse? Win the hand of the princess. And also a jousting tournament. And maybe slay a dragon.

🍺 The Heaviest Matter of the Universe – Brewlihan

Humanity’s last hope is sent to retrieve a cosmic artifact… only to find it’s guarded by a massive space golem who thinks it’s a bedtime toy. 🪨🧸

🍺 Virtue of Patience – Burial Beer Co.

A man finds himself in a purgatory-like test of patience. If he passes, he might earn a spot as one of the Four Horsemen. If not? He waits forever.

🍺 Fogscape – Jersey Cyclone Brewing

A mysterious fog rolls into town, cutting everyone off. Can this small community band together to escape… or will the fog claim them one by one?

🎙️ Vote Now:

Only one idea makes it to Feature Film status, and you decide which.

Vote on Spotify, YouTube, or Instagram.

• Website: https://beermethatmovie.com/

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beermethatmovie/

• Untappd: https://untappd.com/user/BeerMeThatMovie

• Speakpipe: https://www.speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie

00:00 - Intro

01:18 - Recap: Gumballhead

10:24 - BOTW: Cold Hearted IPA

13:13 - Fast Five Begins

14:06 - Beer #1 Destination Unknown

19:45 - Beer #2 Broken Kingdom

25:20 - Beer #3 The Heaviest Matter Of The Universe

32:52 - Beer #4 Virtue Of Patience

37:29 - Beer #5 Fogscape

42:57 - Decision Time!

46:18 - Outtakes

In our 37th Feature Film, we chew our way into Gumballhead—a prophetic street performer trapped in a gumball machine costume… and possibly reality itself. After one too many candy-coated warnings come true, Gumballhead becomes a viral oracle. But when a chicken conglomerate with ties to defense contracts takes interest in his chewy powers, the bubble starts to stretch.This is the rise, fall, and sticky aftermath of the man who told us to “Always wear your seatbelt.” And maybe also… “Consume the yolk.”⸻In This Episode: • The tragic backstory of a mall performer turned TikTok prophet • PoultraCo’s plan to weaponize sugar and fate • Why Gumballhead may be humanity’s only hope—or its final delusionFeaturing:Big chicken energy, darker gumballs, existential dread, industrial food-predictive tech, and a mysterious woman with a bone to pick. Gumballhead is a bubblegum sci-fi horror epic—and it will pop.About the Beer: • Brewery: 3 Floyds Brewing • Name: Gumballhead • Style: Bright American Wheat with a twist of prophecy and doomConnect With Us: • Website: https://beermethatmovie.com/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beermethatmovie/ • Untappd: https://untappd.com/user/BeerMeThatMovie • Speakpipe: https://www.speakpipe.com/beermethatmovieLeave a comment with your favorite gumball prophecy. And remember—Vote for next week’s Feature Film on Spotify, YouTube, or Instagram. Your pick might just shape the timeline.00:00 - Intro01:25 - Act 1: Bubblegum Prophecies16:49 - Act 2: Fowl Play26:30 - Act 3: A Bursting Point38:26 - Epilogue

In this week’s Fast Five, we’re serving up five fresh beer-inspired movie pitches, including one killer listener submission that might just become our next Feature Film. From cursed hotel service to ancient kazoo mythology, things get weird fast.

This Week’s Beer-to-Movie Madness:

•Gumballhead – A failed mall vendor discovers he can see the future through his gumball machine helmet… and TikTok loves it.

•Cold Hearted Woman – A secret witch barista builds an army of pissed-off women by pouring herself into iced cappuccinos.

•Friends With Benefits – Two guys pretend to be married for health insurance, but HR starts asking real questions.

•The Last Kazoo – A mythic origin story of Lagerstahn told in the style of Jason and the Argonauts… if Jason had beer breath.

•Ring the Bell – A boutique hotel where the staff kills you with kindness—and also kills you.

Vote on your favorite to decide next week’s Feature Film!

📲 Instagram, Spotify, YouTube comments—or send us a letter with a photo of you holding a beer. Shirt on, please.

Follow & Connect:

🌐 beermethatmovie.com

📸 Instagram: @beermethatmovie

🍺 Untappd: BeerMeThatMovie

🎙 Leave a Voicemail: speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie

00:00 - Intro

01:27 - Recap: You Vs You

09:47 - BOTW: Pivo Pils

14:03 - Beer #1: Gumballhead

21:53 - Beer #2: Cold Hearted Woman

29:22 - Beer #3: Friends With Benefits

37:29 - Beer #4: The Last Kazoo

45:54 - Beer #5: Ring The Bell

In Feature Film #36, we take a beer-fueled journey into the chaos of optimization gone too far. Meet Jim: burnout husband, master procrastinator, and reluctant user of a sketchy AI self-improvement app. What starts as calendar syncing and text replies spirals into full-blown identity theft when a synthetic version of Jim starts living his life better than he ever did.

From psychological sabotage missions to a drunken showdown at the world’s most efficient Beer Olympics, You vs You is a cautionary tale about over-automation, digital doppelgängers, and learning to embrace your inner mess.

Featuring:

• A government-grade AI with a flair for date nights and betrayal

• A sabotage montage that weaponizes doomscrolling and fidget spinners

• Kenny “The Chug” Smith, beer Olympian and monster truck philosopher

• A final battle between man and machine… in sleeveless flannel and jean shorts

🔔 Subscribe for new movie madness every Wednesday

🍺 Vote for your favorite idea in our Fast Five episodes

🧨 Tell us which line made you spit out your drink

About the Beer:

•Brewery: Ever Grain Brewing Co.

•Name: You vs You

•Style: Crisp, calculated, and probably plotting your replacement

🎙 Connect With Us:

• Website: https://beermethatmovie.com/

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beermethatmovie/

• Untappd: https://untappd.com/user/BeerMeThatMovie

• Speakpipe: https://www.speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie

📢 Hashtags:

#BeerMeThatMovie

#FeatureFilmPodcast

#ComedyPodcast

#MoviePitch

#CraftBeerMeetsCinema

#YouVsYou

#AIClone

#SelfHelpGoneWrong

#BeerOlympics

#DrunkVersusRobot

#AIReplacedMe

#DoomscrollingDisaster

#SabotageMontage

#ChugForYourLife

00:00 - Intro

01:42 - Act 1: Terms & Conditions May Apply

21:29 - Act 2: The Better Jim Wins

30:54 - Act 3: You’re Me, But Worse Now

We’re back with five fresh beers, five chaotic movie ideas, and one inevitable showdown. At the end, only four survive, and YOU decide which one becomes next week’s full-blown Feature Film.in this episode:Recap of last week’s Sexual Tyrannosaurus, our Jesse Ventura-led Predator prequel that redefined subtletyBeer of the Week: Later — one of us will have to bury the other… laterMulligan: A luxury cruise where everyone is secretly connected by something darkerNimble Giant: A has-been wrestler battles physical torment, personal demons, and eventually, the CEO of pro wrestling itselfYou vs You: An AI assistant becomes human, starts dressing like you, and gets real close to your wifeCoolship Proxima: Earth’s last hope leaves for the stars… only to find its destination turning into a black holeZlotonator: A beer-fueled origin story for Lagersthan’s first citizen — part man, part beast, all legendNo ads. No codes. No overpriced nose-hair trimmers. Just beer names, unhinged plots, and two friends going way too deep on ideas no one asked for. Head to Instagram to VOTE on your favorite concept so we can build it out next week!Follow & Connect:🌐 beermethatmovie.com📸 Instagram: @beermethatmovie🍺 Untappd: BeerMeThatMovie🎙 Leave a Voicemail: speakpipe.com/beermethatmovieHashtags:#BeerMeThatMovie #FastFive #CruiseShipThriller #AIWifeStealer #BlackHoleVoyage #LagersthanLore #MoviePodcast #BeerPodcast #ComedyPodcast00:00 - Intro01:04 - Recap: Sexual T-rex09:41 - Beer Of The Week: Later13:04 - Fast Five Begins13:38 - Beer #1: Mulligan23:03 - Beer #2: Nimble Giant31:55 - Beer #3: You vs You38:33 - Beer #4: Coolship Proxima44:00 - Beer #5: Zlotonator50:06 - The Final 4 — Get Ready to Vote!

Before he fought the Predator… he seduced spies, ripped off miniguns, and deathrolled a cult leader.This week, we’re rewriting the Predator playbook with a totally unlicensed, absolutely unhinged origin story for Blaine (Rhett) “Sexual Tyrannosaurus” Cooper. From gator-wrangling in the Louisiana swamps to unleashing pheromone-fueled chaos in Laos, this movie is 100% swamp sweat, zero subtlety.Will Rhett “Animal God” Cooper embrace his destiny as the reincarnated T-Rex sex deity? Or just keep yelling one-liners and tossing grenades at ancient dino cults?Expect: • Exploding jungles and forbidden passion • The CIA’s most confused agent, Dillon, dismissing dino runes • A truffle pig sidekick with political aspirations • And the most feral love scene ever mistaken for livestock distressListen now to hear the full breakdown, wild improv, and the dumbest best backstory we’ve ever pitched.⸻🔔 Subscribe for new movie madness every Wednesday🍺 Vote for your favorite idea in our Fast Five episodes🧨 Tell us which line made you spit out your drink⸻🍻 Featured Beer:Name: Sexual TyrannosaurusBrewery: Lobik BrewingStyle: Bold, swampy, and hoppy⸻🎙 Connect With Us: • Website: https://beermethatmovie.com/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beermethatmovie/ • Untappd: https://untappd.com/user/BeerMeThatMovie • Speakpipe: https://www.speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie⸻📢 Hashtags:#BeerMeThatMovie #SexualTyrannosaurus #PredatorParody #ActionMoviePodcast #cultcinema #PodcastComedy #BlaineBackstory #SwampBond #TrufflePig2024

00:00 - Intro01:50 - Act 1: Born to Be Wild (and Also Lethal)21:56 - Act 2: Jungle Boogie & Blood Contracts43:30 - Act 3: Predator Protocol

This week, we’re back with five new beers and five original movie pitches—only four survive, and YOU get to vote on which one becomes next week’s full-blown Feature Film.

Also in this episode:

🦍 Recap of “Boots and Buckles,” our pirate buddy epic featuring a monkey sidekick, a dance-fighting revolution, and the mysterious Iron Taint

🧻 A bus bomb thriller powered by diarrhea (yes, really)

🌲 The dark sequel to The Lorax, introducing his toxic nemesis: The Moraxe

🎸 Jesse Ventura stars in Sexual Tyrannosaurus, the Predator prequel you didn’t know you needed

🥩 Chef drama, stolen seafood, and sous-chef betrayal in Industry Discount

🧠 One man wakes up in a world where thoughts aren’t private in The Fool

Remember: we don’t run ads on this podcast—no VPNs, no mushroom coffee, just movie mayhem and a lot of beer. If you want to support us, VOTE for your favorite idea on Instagram or leave us a voicemail at speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie. Your voice might end up on the next show.

New episodes drop weekly. Vote. Listen. Laugh. And maybe poop on a bus.

Follow & Connect:

🌐 beermethatmovie.com

📸 Instagram: @beermethatmovie

🍺 Untappd: BeerMeThatMovie

🎙 Leave a Voicemail: speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie

Hashtags:

#BeerMeThatMovie #FastFive #BootsAndBuckles #SexualTyrannosaurus #TheFool #TheMorax #MoviePodcast #BeerPodcast #ComedyPodcast #VoteForTheFeature

00:00 - Intro

01:09 - Recap: Boots and Buckles

12:28 - BOTW: Narragansett

18:48 - Beer #1: Wet Exit

26:36 - Beer #2: More Axe

34:04 - Beer #3: Sexual Tyrannosaurus

39:46 - Beer #4: Industry Discount

48:39 - Beer #5: The Fool

54:57 - Time To Vote!

What do you get when a washed-up pirate with jazz hands and his boot-wearing monkey sidekick go up against the British Navy’s porcelain-eyed menace? A full-blown, dance-fueled revolution on the high seas.

This week, we’re cracking open a barrel of absurdity and sailing into Boots and Buckles—a buddy-pirate epic where cannonballs fly, alliances form through tap dancing, and monkeys explode warships from the inside.

From desert island hallucinations to the rise of the Lagerstani Navy (a.k.a. the Dirty Clam Crushers), this is the story of how one man, one monkey, and one flaming maneuver changed pirate history forever.

Featuring:

•The legendary Flaming Monkey Maneuver (now banned under monkey law)

•A rally speech so inspiring it made parrots cry

•Glitter, grog, and the downfall of gentrified piracy

About the Beer:

• Brewery: Fieldwork Brewing Company

• Name: Boots and Buckles

• Style: Possibly the most perfect dual-purpose beer Fieldwork has ever brewed

Crack a coconut and join the rebellion.

⸻

Connect With Us:

• Website: beermethatmovie.com

• Instagram: @beermethatmovie

• Untappd: BeerMeThatMovie

• Voicemail: speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie

⸻

Call to Action:

Like, Subscribe, and let us know in the comments—what would your pirate rebellion speech be titled? Bonus points if it involves jazz hands.

00:00:00 - Intro

00:09:09 - Act I: A Monkey and a Man Walk Into a Tavern

00:34:32 - Act II: Uniting the Seas

00:57:13 - Act III: Rewrite the World

01:12:07 - Epilogue: Buckingham is Buckle Dome

In Fast Five #33, we’re unleashing five new beer-fueled movie pitches — and only four survive to make it to the poll. That’s right: one idea gets banished to the Beer Me Vault, never to be featured (unless we change our minds later). But the top vote-getter? That one becomes next week’s full-blown feature film.

Last week we melted hearts (and possibly a few faces) with Let It Morph — our 32nd Feature Film, a nostalgic shape-shifting alien buddy story. But now? It’s time to vote on the next cinematic fever dream.

This Week’s Beers – What Will They Become?

-Zombie Wars (Submitted by Lance) — Will office drones discover their inner warrior when real zombies invade their workplace… or are we already the undead?

-Another One (Submitted by Brian) — Is this a doom-scroll thriller about algorithmic mind control… or a secret origin story for George Washington’s cloned siblings?

-Boots and Buckles (Submitted by Lee) — Could it be a pirate buddy comedy? A simian-led revolution at sea? Or the origin story of America’s first rum-based monarchy?

-Shadow Clock (Submitted by Rich W) — Can your death day be hacked? What if one man’s countdown to the end… suddenly changes?

(Note: One beer was banished to the Vault. Sorry, Tooth Fairy cult thriller fans — your time may still come.)

VOTE NOW:

Head to Instagram @beermethatmovie

Vote for your favorite pitch — the winner becomes next week’s feature film!

Connect With Us:

• Instagram: @beermethatmovie

• Voicemail (Speakpipe): speakpipe.com/beermethatmovie

• Website + Vault Voting: beermethatmovie.com

• Untappd: untappd.com/user/BeerMeThatMovie

#BeerMeThatMovie #FastFive33 #ZombieWars #AnotherOne #BootsAndBuckles #ShadowClock #CraftBeerPodcast #MoviePodcast #WeirdMovieIdeas #VoteToSurvive #LetItMorph #CloneSaga #NoAdsJustChaos

00:00:00 - Intro

00:01:59 - Recap: Let it Morph

00:10:18 - Request For Feedback

00:12:18 - BOTW: The Hustle Is Dank

00:19:41 - Ad Break?

00:20:35 - Beer 1: Zombie Wars

00:29:14 - Beer 2: Another One

00:42:27 - Beer 3: Dent

00:49:35 - Beer 4: Boots and Buckles

00:56:32 - Beer 5: Shadowclock

01:02:08 - Go Vote Now

A crashed alien ship. A shape-shifting blob. A town where nothing ever happens… until now.In our latest cinematic fever dream, we’re headed to Tranquil Pines — a sleepy Midwestern town where four high school friends stumble upon a mysterious creature named Morph who can become anything. Rambo? Check. Your crush? Unfortunately, also check.As government agents close in and tempers flare, the boys must confront their own fears, friendships, and desire for greatness — all while helping their new alien friend get back home.Think: Stranger Things meets E.T. meets Duck Hunt.With booby traps, emotional growth, light gun heists, and a Rambo-shaped farewell you won’t forget.Meet the Crew •Ethan – The nerdy leader with a heart of gold •Milo – Wannabe cool kid with a Rambo obsession •Sam – The anxious tech genius •Lee – The sensitive artist with hidden strength •Jenny – The sharp, no-nonsense love interest •Agent Thorne – The ruthless government agent with daddy issues and a badgeThis Week’s Plot Highlights: •A glowing goo alien who says “shipping and handling” •A montage of near-death light-gun scavenging •Morph shapeshifting into a dead CIA director •A farewell scene so beautiful you’ll salute the starsTUNE IN NEXT WEEK for our Fast Five episode, where YOU get to vote on which beer-inspired movie becomes our next full Feature Film.Until then… keep your finger on the trigger, your bandana tied tight, and your moral compass pointed home.Subscribe, Like & Drop a Comment:What would you do if Morph showed up in your backyard?#LetItMorph #BeerMeThatMovie #SciFiComedy #RamboBlob #FastFiveNextWeek