Better Off Bald

Dancing has a hidden factor that I cannot describe in words, that hits a nerve and just lets everything flow within me. It is almost as if I am cured from something when I am dancing, but I am not quite sure what I have been cured of once I stop.

Adrienne showing off her new dress

Adrienne showing off the glitter on her bald head

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

Adrienne laughs. “You mean I can take pot — legally?”
“That’s what I’m recommending,” says Dr. Marco.
I don’t know how to respond. “You said smoking it was better … but I wouldn’t even know where to get it.”
Adrienne laughs harder and says, “I can think of a few people.”

Pitch Letter to Burbank Leader

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

I can’t look at Adrienne as I read the final line. “Two-Year Survival: Less than five percent.” My throat constricts as I swallow the lump in it. I feel water rushing to my eyes as I bite the dry skin off my lip. I look at Adrienne. “Well, it didn’t say zero percent. I’ll just be one of the less than five percent who survive.” Adrienne smiles at me.

Adrienne marching in her middle school graduation. © June 2000

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

Adrienne and I decided to explore an old house in the town, ignoring the signs that read, “Don’t go beyond this point. Rattlesnake area.”
My father became agitated. “Girls, didn’t you read the sign?”
“We’ll be fine dad,” I said.
John threw his hands up in the air and stormed away.
“They play by their own rules,” he said to my father.

Adrienne loving Arizona © summer 1995

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

I will be reborn. I will fight this, pills and all, and it will not kill me. I will be drop-dead gorgeous—even if I don’t have hair. I will help people who have to go through this. I will be amazing and impossible to avoid. ALL OF THIS SHIT IS TEMPORARY, PAIN IS NOT REAL, CANCER DOES NOT SURVIVE IN ME.

Six-year-old Adrienne when she still lived with our mother © December 1992

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

For the first time in my life, I sleep well for nights at a time. I don’t remember my dreams anymore, which used to wake me up in the middle of the night or leave me feeling tired the next day. My insomnia started in childhood along with the vivid dreams. Mental fatigue, however, proves to be more powerful than my creative subconscious. I’ve never felt more rested and more exhausted at the same time.

Adrienne, the first summer she lived in Los Angeles © 1995

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

“Bring Mr. Navarro out to the stage because a young lady would like to meet him.”
I didn’t think it was possible for Adrienne’s smile to get any bigger, but I swear I can see her back molars now. I silently thank Jay for making Adrienne’s dream come true.

Adrienne and Andrea meeting Dave Navarro on The Tonight Show © June 19, 2001

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

I tell the nurse, “To my recollection, Adrienne was never given more than six milligrams of Dilaudid every four hours as a continuous drip except when she pushed the PCA for acute episodes of pain.”
I speak these words, this medical mumbo jumbo, without thinking. I am one of them now, only without the degree. I hate it.

PAWS visit with Rondo & Vera © June 18, 2001

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

“No,” he says, “there is no change.”
The words hang in the air before falling fast to the ground. No change, which is better than a bad change, but not as good, as “the tumors are smaller now” or “the dots have disappeared from her lungs” or “it’s a miracle.” No change beats me up, and then walks away as if nothing has happened.

Eight-year-old Adrienne in Las Vegas © December 1994

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

I have no job. Yet, I have never worked harder in my life. Tears are always near the surface, but an inner core of strength sucks them back down. Things are not looking up. I cannot face what rock bottom will be this time. I lose myself in research: searching for a clinical trial or herbal medicine that will eradicate the tumors, but somewhere deep inside, a part of me knows the truth.

Adrienne’s new haircut © June 2001

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.