Between Two Curtises

Guaranteed to be in the top 13 funniest episodes so far, especially for newbies who like to be confused by callbacks to past episodes they haven't heard.
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Straight from the BTC vault, the ramblings of one Curtis and one Russ, on equal footing for the very first time. How to smell like a pot-head without being a pot-head. Why you'll never find a $20 bill on the ground. How to count money in Polish. Why Curtis can't resist clickbait YouTube videos from Joe Rogan (and Joe Logan). How to compliment dead, bad people. A spontaneous pop song about shrimp. Also, the last word on Will Arnett.
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Back after a short 63-week hiatus, Curtis & Curtis drop their longest, least edited episode yet. The lost second season. Sweet and sticky, just how you like it. Binge hard, binge often.
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Drunk Squirrel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bbXICmvSUs
Drunk Man in Convenience Store: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjTCWLjuBzQ
Crazy Eddie Commercials: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml6S2yiuSWE

We interrupt this triumphant 10th episode with Breaking News. A new (but really hundreds of years old) martial art that hits us right in the cockles; winter delicacies you should avoid eating; what not to do when you find your child's porn collection; how to do the "Target Shuffle;" and why Mad Dog comes in those bright colors. Plus, we "review" The Matrix 4 (in 4D!), interview a "fish out of water" about his well-deserved Best Hip Hop VMA, and bring Curtis back from the edge of despair with a lively discussion of the M.A.S.H. sequel. So take the next Ausfahrt and join us for what may or may not be our last episode!
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Iron Crotch Kung Fu: https://www.reuters.com/article/china-kungfu/chinese-iron-crotch-kung-fu-masters-fight-to-preserve-a-painful-looking-tradition-idUSKBN28J2A6

Curtis found a sound effects CD from 20 years ago and went crazy in the editing, further delaying the release of an already out-of-date episode 9. Recorded decades ago when Trump was still president and had a Twitter account, this episode includes a new guest, new theme music, not-so-breaking news on Mel Gibson's next movie, and the podcast equivalent of a barrel of monkeys.
Ba Dum Tish Comedy Punchline Drums by djlprojects: https://freesound.org/s/415215/
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Travel back in time to this day, December 22, thirty-five years ago for the tale of the cocaine bear's epic journey from Georgia's Chattahoochee National Forest all the way to Las Vegas, Nevada and back again. Also, a dog's journey from Russia to Massachusetts. And finally, the journey of two Curtises from podcast obscurity to "coke bear heist" infamy. Plus, irresistible holiday gift ideas, Walmart Tex goes out for wine, and we invent another new and totally unnecessary BTC word. It's a Christmas miracle, y'all!
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Watch the commercial for a fake "Deck the Hall & Oates" Christmas album: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRTglKhAtC4
Read the full story of Cocaine Bear as told by the Kentucky Fun Mall: https://kyforky.com/blogs/journal/cocaine-bear

Dear Listener,
You've helped make our 2020 a little brighter and lighter, and we hope we've done the same for you. We wish you a happy winter holiday and an amazing 2021.
Best wishes and sincere gratitude,
Curtis & Curtis
P.S. Come say hi at: https://www.instagram.com/betweentwocurtises/

Confession time as we recount stories of unintentional sexism, split pants, passed gas, and computer snafus. Also discussed: fist bump spectating, how to get a date with a plumber, Santa's new special yummy treat, negotiating a dog hostage from Russia, and the most convoluted "save the mink" slogan ever. Plus, Walmart Tex stops by for a visit.
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Trigger warning: This episode is the podcast equivalent of your toilet exploding. The squeamish beware as we channel our inner six-year-olds to talk about the joys (and consequences) of teaching little kids (and parrots) to swear, define another new word, debate what is and is not real licorice, and give Good & Plenty the BTC slogan treatment. So come visit our arctic jenkum farm and get your free assy bowl with caca nips ... if you dare!
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How bad does your ear itch? Then come for a ride in the Wienermobile! We have ointment for that.
Plus the Germanic conclusion to last month's very special episode of Guffaw & Order. Balloon naughties. James Cameron and his Avatar sequels. Dick Wolf's inspiration for Law & Order: Criminal Intent. How to get a car tire around an elk's neck. Why Amazon.com is so profitable. And a guaranteed way to enjoy this podcast more. Plus Wienermobile slogans for the whole family. Buckle your seatbelts, motherfuckers.