If you measure the quality of your comedy by length, then we've got exactly what Dr. Procter Gamble ordered. What's in store this time? The secrets of Sasquatch, how to rob a store with a watermelon, advice from Curtis (and Curtis), Warby Parker's questionable business practices, Crest slogans, how to speak in iambic pentameter, the art of the haiku, and boomerang investment tips. And that's just in Part 1! Dun Dun!

With a little help from a friend, we surmount an entirely surmountable technical problem to bring you a riveting discussion of the virtues of an authentic cannoli, the aerodynamics of being bald, weaponized pizzas, how not to respond when a stranger starts rubbing your stomach, the dangers of dropping your smart device on your own face, the petty satisfaction of using one's strong work ethic to screw over others, and magic beanstalks. You're welcome.

Episode 2: Electric Boogaloo! Russell is back and so are slogans. We reeeeeeeally hope you like slogans because Joe Biden 2020 and Axe Body Spray -- um I mean, Deodorant -- get the full BTC treatment. An encouraging text from our first fan. A cliffhanger to outdo Who Shot JR? We review a rough edit of Mission Impossible 7. And Bernie Sanders calls in to say hello. Plus the pitfalls of photographing chipmunks.

Take a ride on Przewalski’s Horse in a premiere episode that pulls no punches! We review the upcoming James Bond movie, No Time to Die, craft a bold mission statement for the podcast, field options for show sponsors, pitch advertising slogans for organic Gatorade, discuss The Rock's seemingly universal box office appeal, and even invent a new word. If you need more Curtis or more comedy in your life, you're home.