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Content Warning: This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse, domestic violence, addiction, suicide, family trauma, and estrangement. Please take care of yourself while listening. If you are in the U.S. and experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate emotional support, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are outside the U.S., please contact your country’s local crisis line or emergency services for immediate support.

What happens when you stop numbing the pain and finally have to face what was underneath it?

In this powerful and candid conversation, Noelani sits down with Mr. Josh Connolly, author of It’s Them, Not You, to talk about childhood trauma, toxic family systems, addiction and recovery, parenting, emotional neglect, boundaries, masculinity, and what it really means to heal.

He opens up about getting sober at 24 and discovering that alcohol wasn’t the problem he thought it was. Once the alcohol was gone, he was left face-to-face with the emotional pain he had spent years trying to escape.

Together, they explore why families and society so often protect the person causing harm instead of the person experiencing it, and why speaking the truth can make you the scapegoat in a dysfunctional family system.

They also dive into adult children going no contact, the difference between imperfect parenting and abuse, and why a parent’s willingness to listen, take accountability, and repair can completely change a relationship.

Josh shares how childhood emotional neglect can show up later as hypervigilance, chronic people-pleasing, difficulty knowing what you actually want, and building your identity around what other people need from you.

The conversation also challenges traditional ideas about masculinity. He explains why healing wasn’t about becoming a different kind of man. It was about becoming comfortable enough to finally be himself.

They discuss:

• Addiction, sobriety, and discovering the pain underneath the coping mechanism
 • Childhood trauma and emotional neglect
 • Toxic parents and dysfunctional family systems
 • Why families protect abusers and scapegoat truth-tellers
 • Narcissistic mothers and mother-daughter dynamics
 • Adult children, estrangement, and going no contact
 • Parenting, accountability, and the power of repair
 • Hypervigilance and chronic people-pleasing
 • Developing a healthy sense of self
 • Boundaries and why toxic systems fight back when you change
 • Men, vulnerability, emotional expression, and masculinity
 • Raising children who are allowed to become themselves
 • Why being yourself creates healthier relationships
 • Taking responsibility for your healing without taking responsibility for what happened to you

He leaves us with an important distinction: you can take responsibility for what you do moving forward without taking responsibility for what was done to you.

His Book - https://amzn.to/3ULzMXa

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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JoshConnolly_FFW

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joshconnolly/

X/Twitter: https://twitter.com/josh_ffw

Website: https://www.joshconnolly.co.uk/

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What if anxiety, hypervigilance, shutdown, and other mental health struggles aren't simply about what is “wrong” with us, but about what happened to us?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani speaks with filmmaker Ton Mazzone, creator of the documentary Traumality, about the connection between childhood trauma, the nervous system, mental health, relationships, and healing.

Ton shares how his own struggles with anxiety and fight-or-flight responses led him on a four-year journey to create Traumality, interviewing 22 experts while exploring his own story along the way.

Together, they discuss why trauma doesn't have to be one catastrophic event, how repeated childhood experiences can become stored in our nervous system, and why rupture and repair are so important in parenting. 

They also explore narcissistic and emotionally immature parents, boundaries, no contact, and what happens when the apology or accountability we need never comes.

Ton also shares his powerful concept of “agency over exposure,” why survivors never owe anyone their entire trauma story, and his TRAUMALITY method for sharing difficult experiences without sacrificing emotional safety.

Most importantly, this conversation challenges us to stop asking “What's wrong with you?” and start asking “What happened to you?”

🎬 The Traumality trailer plays immediately after the introduction.

🎥 Stay through the end for Ton's viral A Day in the Life of Anxiety, the video that helped begin the journey that eventually led to Traumality.

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Traumality

https://traumality.com/

https://www.instagram.com/traumality/

https://www.instagram.com/tonmazzone/ - Ton, The filmmaker

https://youtu.be/6PgrQgum9R8?si=CB0hW9XiK7kzFHyO - The Film that inspired it all

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Why do so many narcissistic abuse survivors remain trapped in self-doubt, shame and hypervigilance, even when they appear highly successful?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani speaks with Barbara, a New Jersey therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery and complex trauma. Barbara shares how her own experience with therapists who did not understand narcissistic abuse inspired her to pursue specialized training, including Dr. Ramani’s narcissistic abuse certification.

Together, they explore why traditional talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy may not be enough for survivors whose trauma is stored in the nervous system. They also explain how treatments such as EMDR and clinical hypnosis can help survivors process painful experiences, challenge deeply rooted beliefs and begin rebuilding a sense of safety.

This conversation also examines why telling a survivor to “let it go” can feel like another form of gaslighting. Healing does not require forgiving an abuser, receiving an apology or waiting for justice that may never come. It means redirecting your energy toward your own peace, identity and future.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why high-functioning survivors still struggle with shame and self-doubt
 • How narcissistic abuse affects the nervous system
 • Why traditional talk therapy may not address complex trauma
 • How EMDR helps the brain process traumatic memories
 • What clinical hypnosis looks like in a therapeutic setting
 • Why survivors do not have to forgive their abusers to heal
 • The difference between guilt, shame and accountability
 • How cognitive dissonance keeps survivors attached to toxic relationships
 • Why peace may initially feel boring after living in constant chaos
 • Reparenting yourself with compassion and gentleness
 • Reclaiming your identity after narcissistic abuse
 • How to stop waiting for an apology, approval or justice

If you are at the beginning of your healing journey, please remember: You are not broken. You are resilient, you are not alone and you deserve a life built around safety, peace and authenticity.

Barbara currently practices in New Jersey.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis or professional mental health treatment.

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• https://newleafpsychotherapyllc.com
• https://www.instagram.com/newleafpsychotherapyllc4/

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Narcissism Is Everywhere: Childhood Trauma, Toxic Leadership, Power & AI

Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of childhood trauma, narcissistic and emotional abuse, substance use, overdose, politics, and other potentially difficult subjects.

What happens when a conversation about narcissistic parents becomes a conversation about narcissism everywhere?

In this special live episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani sits down again with Chris Van Linda (@hype.r.vigilance) for an unscripted conversation about growing up with narcissistic and emotionally unhealthy parents, the long-term effects of childhood trauma, and how those same dynamics can show up in workplaces, leadership, technology, culture, and systems of power.

Noelani and Chris explore something many survivors struggle to put into words: why success doesn't always feel like success.

When you've spent childhood learning that your accomplishments belong to someone else, that your role is to please, perform, fix, or remain dependent, adulthood can bring a complicated relationship with achievement. Even objectively successful people may struggle to feel pride, ownership, or satisfaction in what they've accomplished.

They discuss self-sabotage, enmeshment, learned helplessness, family roles, identity, and the process of asking: “Is this actually what I want, or is this who I learned I needed to be?”

The conversation then moves beyond the family system.

What happens when narcissistic behaviors are rewarded in workplaces, corporations, politics, technology, and other positions of power? Noelani and Chris discuss narcissism in executive leadership, trauma-informed organizations, AI and technology, surveillance, cultural norms, fear, social change, and the importance of recognizing how interpersonal dynamics can become systemic ones.

They also explore the uncertainty many people are feeling right now and why naming fear, anger, sadness, hope, joy, and everything in between matters.

This is a wide-ranging, candid conversation about narcissism, trauma, identity, power, technology, culture, and ultimately, reclaiming ownership of your life.

In this episode:

• Growing up with narcissistic and emotionally unhealthy parents
• Why male survivors need to be part of the conversation
• Stage-parent dynamics and children being treated as extensions of their parents
• Why survivors sometimes struggle to feel successful
• Self-sabotage and learned helplessness
• Enmeshment and reclaiming your identity
• Family roles beyond the scapegoat and golden child
• Narcissism in leadership and workplace culture
• Trauma-informed executive leadership
• Why narcissistic behavior can sometimes be rewarded professionally
• Narcissism, power, politics, and cultural systems
• AI, technology, surveillance, and the people creating these systems
• Fear and uncertainty in periods of rapid social change
• Finding your voice after growing up afraid
• Choosing what matters to you and taking action
• Reclaiming your life as your own

Connect with Chris:

• https://www.instagram.com/hype.r.vigilance Chris on Instagram
• https://tinyurl.com/bddemu7bm - Chris on Cameo
•  https://bit.ly/4ahfgCz Chris’ Lint.ree

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Beyond Mommy Dearest explores the impact of narcissistic and emotionally immature parenting and what it takes to heal, break generational cycles, rebuild self-trust, and come home to yourself.

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What does it actually take to break the cycle after growing up with a narcissistic mother?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, I sit down with Leighna, The Cycle Breaking Coach, for an unfiltered conversation about growing up as the black sheep, recognizing abuse, going no contact, and discovering that leaving the relationship is sometimes only the beginning of healing.

Leighna shares how becoming a mother changed the way she understood her own childhood and forced her to confront behaviors she could no longer explain away. We talk about the survival patterns daughters of narcissistic mothers can carry into adulthood, including hypervigilance, self-sabotage, enmeshment, shame, black-and-white thinking, and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We also get into an important distinction: survival behaviors are not necessarily character flaws. Sometimes the behaviors we hate about ourselves were once the very things that helped us survive.

Leighna and I discuss:

• Being the black sheep in a narcissistic family system
• Going no contact with a narcissistic mother
• Why no contact doesn't immediately make everything better
• Trauma bonds and why leaving can feel impossible
• Self-sabotage as a survival mechanism
• Shame versus guilt after narcissistic abuse
• Hypervigilance and nervous system dysregulation
• Enmeshment and learning to stop looking for someone else to save you
• BPD, attachment, and the stigma surrounding mental health
• Therapy versus coaching and the role each can play
• Reconnecting with yourself after years of being conditioned to ignore your own needs
• Breaking generational cycles as a parent
• Why healing doesn't have to be a lifelong sentence
• What emotionally healthy relationships actually look and feel like

One of my favorite moments in this conversation comes when Leighna describes a healthy relationship as “a landing place with no requirement to land.”

Healthy love allows two people to remain individuals. It makes room for different emotions, interests, needs, and identities without demanding that one person disappear to keep the other comfortable.

And perhaps the most important message of this entire conversation:

You have the power. They do not.

Breaking the cycle isn't about pretending the abuse didn't affect you. It's about recognizing what you learned in order to survive, deciding what no longer serves you, and slowly choosing something different.

Books Mentioned

• I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy — https://amzn.to/4gjazdB
• Half His age by Jennette McCurdy — https://amzn.to/4xeKL9W 
• I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me — https://amzn.to/4qqzAbw

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Connect with Leighna | The Cycle Breaking Coach

• https://www.instagram.com/thecyclebreakingcoach/
• The Cycle-Breaking Coach (@eighteightyeightcoaching)TikTok · The Cycle-Breaking Coach1.3K+ followers

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Trigger warning: Today’s episode includes conversations about childhood sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, and family trauma.
 
What happens when the person who was supposed to protect you becomes the source of your trauma?

In this deeply personal episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani sits down with Alex, founder of Fuck the Abuser, to talk about surviving childhood abuse, narcissistic family dynamics, abusive romantic relationships, and finding the strength to build a life beyond what happened to you.

Alex shares how she first began publicly speaking about her relationship with her mother, including the childhood sexual abuse she experienced and the moment in fourth grade when she realized that what was happening in her home wasn't normal.

She opens up about being sent to live with her aunt, entering the foster care system, protecting her younger brother, eventually choosing no contact with her mother, and reconnecting with family years later.

Alex also discusses a later narcissistic relationship and the chaos, dishonesty, control, boundary violations, and loss of self-trust she experienced. She explains how trying to understand that relationship ultimately led her to research narcissistic abuse and create Fuck the Abuser.

Noelani and Alex also explore the similarities in their experiences, the cultural and family messages that can shape self-worth, the importance of safe adults, and what happens when survivors finally begin trusting themselves again.

Most importantly, Alex's story is about what abuse didn't take from her: her ability to love authentically, build meaningful friendships, connect with others, and choose a different life.

In this episode:

• Childhood sexual abuse and recognizing abuse as a child
• Narcissistic mothers and family dysfunction
• Foster care, emancipation, and sibling experiences
• The importance of having a safe adult
• Shame, body image, colorism, and cultural messages
• Narcissistic romantic relationships
• Gaslighting, coercive control, and manipulation
• Why narcissists struggle with boundaries
• Going no contact with a parent
• Losing and rebuilding self-trust
• Choosing not to have children after childhood trauma
• Breaking generational patterns
• Healing without becoming the person your abuser told you that you were

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Connect with Alex

https://www.instagram.com/alex.goes.global/

https://www.instagram.com/ilovebowljobs/

https://www.instagram.com/fucktheabuser/

https://www.schimiggy.com/tag/narcissist/

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The Hidden Damage of Narcissistic Mothers | How to Heal and Reclaim Yourself

What happens when the person who was supposed to love and protect you instead competes with you, manipulates you, and leaves you questioning your worth?

In this deeply moving conversation, I sit down with Lydia, artist, TEDx speaker, founder of Girls on Country, and coach for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Together we explore the unique wounds left by narcissistic mothers, emotional neglect, enmeshment, hypersexualized parenting, and the long journey of reclaiming your authentic self.

Lydia shares her powerful story of growing up in the UK, leaving everything behind, healing through art, and ultimately creating programs that help young women and survivors reconnect with themselves.

We also discuss:

• Growing up with a narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother
• When mothers view their daughters as competition
• Enmeshment, shame, and boundary violations
• The lasting effects of childhood trauma on adult relationships
• Why survivors struggle with vulnerability and self-trust
• Reclaiming your authentic identity after abuse
• Healing through creativity and art
• Inner child work and nervous system healing
• Breaking generational trauma
• Learning what healthy love actually feels like
• Why no contact can become the beginning of true freedom

If you've ever felt like you were never allowed to be yourself, this episode is a reminder that healing isn't about becoming someone new. It's about uncovering the person you were always meant to be.

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https://www.instagram.com/iamlydiacohen/

https://tr.ee/STUj1r84ei

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hwz0I5usCsM&themeRefresh=1 

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What happens when a narcissist gains absolute power?

In this powerful episode, I sit down with Dr. Christine Marie, featured in Netflix's Trust Me: The False Prophet, to discuss her undercover work helping expose Samuel Bateman and rescue women and children from coercive control.

While this story centers on a cult, the psychological tactics will sound incredibly familiar to anyone raised by a narcissistic parent or trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship.

We discuss:

• Why cult leaders and narcissists use the same manipulation tactics

• The psychology behind coercive control and brainwashing

• Why intelligent people can become victims

• The role of obedience, fear, shame, and isolation

• How confirmation bias and groupthink keep people trapped

• Why survivors often blame themselves

• What it really takes to "wake up" from psychological abuse

• How trust in yourself is rebuilt after manipulation

• The importance of community during healing

• Why leaving isn't about becoming stronger, it's about finally trusting yourself

If you've ever questioned your own reality because of narcissistic abuse, this episode will remind you that manipulation follows psychological principles, and your healing can too.

If this episode helped you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that they are not alone.

Trust Me | False Prophet - https://www.netflix.com/title/81758532

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https://www.instagram.com/dr.christinemarie/

https://christinemarie.com

https://www.youtube.com/@drchristinemarie

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Caring for aging Narcissistic Parents: How to Protect your peace after No Contact Part 2 ⭐

When children grow up in abusive, chaotic, or violent homes, siblings often become each other's lifeline. The bond formed through surviving trauma together can create an unspoken promise: I'll protect you, no matter what.

In this powerful conversation, we explore how those childhood survival strategies continue into adulthood, especially when aging or abusive parents require care. For some survivors, the decision isn't about the parent at all. It's about protecting a brother or sister from carrying the burden alone.

We also discuss the guilt, obligation, family expectations, and deeply rooted beliefs that can make these decisions feel impossible. Whether you've chosen to care for an abusive parent or decided to maintain your boundaries, this episode offers compassion instead of judgment.

Healing doesn't erase the love we have for our siblings. It helps us recognize that we no longer have to sacrifice ourselves to survive.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How trauma creates lifelong sibling bonds.
• The survival roles children take on in abusive families.
• Caring for aging parents after childhood abuse.
• Guilt, obligation, and choosing boundaries.
• Finding healing without abandoning yourself.

Conclusion

There is no universal right answer when it comes to caring for an abusive parent. Every survivor's circumstances are different. What matters most is making a choice that honors your healing, protects your well-being, and allows you to move forward with compassion for yourself.

If this conversation resonated with you, subscribe to Beyond Mommy Dearest, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to know they are not alone.

Reasources mentions

Kong, J., Kunze, A., Goldberg, J., & Schroepfer, T. (2021).
"Caregiving for Parents Who Harmed You: A Conceptual Review."
Clinical Gerontologist, 44(5), 507–519.
DOI: 10.1080/07317115.2021.1920531

• https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07317115.2021.1920531
• https://mainecabinmasters.com
• https://shop.madeinsantacruz.com/page7.html

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••https://www.instagram.com/katherinestclaire_writes/?hl=en

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What happens when the person who should have protected you becomes the source of your deepest wounds?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, John shares his journey of growing up with a narcissistic mother, the lasting impact of childhood emotional abuse, and how those experiences followed him into fatherhood, family court, and parental alienation. Most importantly, he shares how choosing love, boundaries, and healing helped him break the cycle for the next generation.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Growing up with a narcissistic mother as a son
• Parentification, manipulation, and childhood trauma
• Family court and the impact of parental alienation
• Finding healthy love and breaking generational cycles
• Why it's never too late to choose healing

Whether you're healing from a narcissistic parent, navigating family estrangement, or working to become the cycle breaker in your own family, this conversation is a powerful reminder that your past may shape you, but it does not have to define your future.

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• https://www.instagram.com/american.fathers/
• https://www.youtube.com/@AmericanFathers
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