Beyond Mommy Dearest Podcast

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains discussions of childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, narcissistic parental abuse, family violence, homophobia, suicidal thoughts and attempts, and family estrangement. Some content may be emotionally difficult for survivors. Please listen with care and take breaks when needed.

If you or someone you love is struggling or in crisis, call or text 988 in the United States for free, confidential support.

Episode Description

Men hurt too. Men experience childhood trauma. Men survive narcissistic parents. And men deserve the space, support, and compassion to heal.

What happens when the person who is supposed to protect you becomes the person you fear most? What happens when your childhood home is never a place where you feel safe?

In this deeply personal episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani welcomes John, known on social media as I Just Love Cheese, for an honest, emotional, and sometimes heartbreaking conversation about growing up with an abusive mother, an emotionally unavailable father, and the lifelong impact of childhood trauma.

John remembers visiting friends' homes and being confused by something many children take for granted: parents who laughed with their kids, listened to them, and made them feel safe. At his own house, he walked on eggshells, suppressed his emotions, and learned to believe the cruel things his mother repeatedly told him.

To outsiders, his mother appeared kind, welcoming, and loving. Behind closed doors, John experienced a very different reality.

And like so many survivors of narcissistic parental abuse, he spent years questioning himself instead of questioning the people hurting him.

John also courageously shares his experiences with childhood sexual abuse, the painful process of recognizing what happened to him, and the lack of emotional support he received when he eventually disclosed his experiences to his father.

He discusses growing up in a family where being gay was condemned, finding the courage to come out during family therapy, and the rejection he experienced afterward.

But this conversation is about more than what happened to John.

It's about what happened when he finally decided that his parents' inability to love him in a healthy way did not determine his worth.

After years of trying to earn his mother's acknowledgment, John gave her three opportunities to recognize the harm she caused. He wasn't initially asking for a perfect apology. He simply wanted her to listen.

When that acknowledgment never came, he made the difficult decision to go no contact.

Now, nearly two years into estrangement, John shares something he never imagined he would be able to say: He's never been happier.

That doesn't mean he never gets angry. It doesn't mean the memories disappear or that healing happens overnight. It means he's finally learning to live without constantly seeking the approval of the people who hurt him.

Together, Noelani and John explore the complicated emotions of loving parents you cannot safely maintain relationships with, the guilt that can accompany estrangement, and the importance of finding trauma-informed mental health support.

They also discuss something that deserves far more attention: the experiences of men who survive narcissistic mothers and abusive family systems.

Too often, men are taught to suppress their emotions, remain strong, and handle their pain privately. John's willingness to speak openly challenges those expectations and reminds other survivors that vulnerability is not weakness.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• Growing up with a narcissistic mother: How emotional abuse, intimidation, criticism, and unpredictable behavior shaped John's childhood.
• When a house doesn't feel like home: The difference between having somewhere to live and having somewhere you feel emotionally safe.
• The public versus private parent: Why abusive parents can appear loving and charming to outsiders while treating their children very differently.
• The lasting impact of childhood criticism: How repeatedly being called stupid or worthless can shape self-esteem and adult identity.
• Childhood sexual abuse: John's experience, his later recollection of the abuse, and the importance of listening to survivors.
• Growing up gay in an unsupportive family: The emotional impact of rejection and the importance of affirming environments.
• Emotionally unavailable fathers: The additional pain of having a parent who fails to recognize or respond to abuse.
• Why survivors stay: The guilt, obligation, hope, and love that can keep adult children connected to harmful family relationships.
• Going no contact with a parent: Why John eventually ended contact with his mother after repeatedly seeking acknowledgment.
• Finding the right therapist: How trauma-informed support can help survivors recognize unhealthy patterns and reclaim their identities.
• Breaking generational cycles: Recognizing when learned behaviors are hurting ourselves or others and choosing a different path.
• Men and emotional healing: Why male survivors need community, understanding, and permission to speak openly about trauma.
• Learning to parent yourself: Replacing the critical voice of an abusive parent with compassion, encouragement, and self-acceptance.

Healing Doesn't Require Their Permission

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is John's realization that he could not make his mother understand what she had done.

He could explain. He could provide examples. He could offer opportunities to listen. But he could not force her to acknowledge his experiences.

And eventually, he realized that continuing to seek her approval was costing him his own happiness.

Healing didn't begin because his mother changed.

Healing became possible when John stopped making his well-being dependent on her changing.

John describes learning to recognize his accomplishments, offer himself encouragement, and feel proud of the person he is becoming.

For someone who grew up believing he was never good enough, those moments of self-compassion represent extraordinary progress.

And perhaps one of the most important reminders from this episode is that you can love your parents and still recognize that maintaining a relationship with them is harmful.

You can understand that they experienced trauma without excusing the trauma they inflicted.

You can grieve the parents you needed while accepting the parents you actually had.

And you can choose a different future.

Why Men's Stories Matter

At Beyond Mommy Dearest, we believe conversations about narcissistic abuse and childhood trauma must include men's experiences.

Sons of narcissistic mothers can experience emotional manipulation, shame, rejection, parentification, and lifelong struggles with self-worth.

Yet their stories are often missing from public conversations about family abuse and recovery.

John's vulnerability helps challenge the idea that men should simply move on, toughen up, or keep their childhood experiences to themselves.

Men deserve to be believed. Men deserve support. Men deserve to heal.

And no survivor should have to carry their experiences alone.

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

What happens when protecting your marriage means standing up to your own family? And what if everything you were taught about love, forgiveness, and honoring your parents was actually keeping you trapped in unhealthy relationships?

In this powerful episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani welcomes Jon and Ashley LaFrent, the husband-and-wife team behind Leave Then Cleave, for an honest conversation about family dysfunction, religious guilt, emotional manipulation, marriage, and breaking generational cycles.

After nearly four years of estrangement from Ashley's family, Jon and Ashley share how setting boundaries with one family member resulted in rejection from a much larger family system. What began as an effort to protect their peace became a journey of questioning everything they had been taught about family loyalty, faith, and unconditional love.

Together, we explore what happens when families use religion to demand compliance, when parents attempt to divide marriages, and when choosing healthier relationships comes at an enormous emotional cost.

We also tackle one of the most difficult questions survivors face: Can you still love and honor your parents while choosing no contact?

From redefining love as something other than obedience to recognizing the difference between protective boundaries and punishment, this conversation challenges the idea that family relationships must be preserved at any cost.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How dysfunctional families attempt to divide marriages
• The difference between love, compliance, and control
• Religious guilt and the weaponization of "honor thy father and mother"
• Why setting one boundary can trigger rejection from an entire family system
• Family scapegoating, enabling, and protecting harmful behavior
• The difference between no contact for protection and no contact as punishment
• Rebuilding trust in yourself after years of emotional manipulation
• Marriage, emotional safety, and choosing a healthier family dynamic
• Breaking generational cycles without abandoning your personal values
• Why loving someone does not require giving them access to your life
  
  

The takeaway: You can love your family without accepting harmful behavior. You can honor your upbringing without repeating its dysfunction. And sometimes, the most meaningful way to honor previous generations is to make healthier choices for the next one.

💛 You are allowed to choose peace, even when other people don't understand your decision.

 Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/
• https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest
• https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest
• https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearest

Reach Jon and Ashley at Leave the Cleave

• https://www.instagram.com/p/DeC3JC7CRhd/?img_index=1
• https://link.amazon/B0fWWJryM - Christlike Boundries
• https://cleavepodcast.substack.com/

••https://www.instagram.com/the.collected.house/

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Buy me coffee :) - https://buymeacoffee.com/beyondmommydearest

What happens when the child blamed for everything grows up and realizes they were never actually the problem?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, I sit down with therapist Amy, better known online as God’s Favorite Problem, for a raw, funny, and deeply honest conversation about family scapegoating, narcissistic parents, generational trauma, divorce, boundaries, and learning to trust yourself again.

Amy explains why dysfunctional family systems often need a scapegoat and why the role frequently falls on the sensitive, deeply feeling child who notices what everyone else has learned to ignore.

We talk about what happens when that child grows up.

People-pleasing. Overexplaining. Constantly second-guessing yourself. Feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions. Becoming a high achiever while secretly believing you're never doing enough. Replaying conversations in your head. Struggling to say no. And outsourcing your self-worth to parents, partners, bosses, and anyone else who might finally tell you that you're good enough.

We also get personal about divorce and co-parenting, how unresolved trauma can repeat itself across generations, and why breaking the cycle sometimes requires looking honestly at our own behavior.

Amy shares one of my favorite lines from the entire conversation:

“Children explain. Adults inform.”

If you grew up believing you had to justify every decision, prove your feelings, keep everyone happy, or explain yourself until someone finally understood you, this conversation is for you.

We also discuss why setting a boundary can feel terrifying when you were raised without permission to have one, why estrangement should be an individual decision rather than something automatically prescribed, and how healing ultimately comes back to rebuilding self-trust.

Because being the family scapegoat may have been the role they assigned you.

It doesn't have to be the role you keep.

In this episode:
• What a family scapegoat really is
• Scapegoat vs. “black sheep”
• Narcissistic family systems
• Generational trauma and cycle breaking
• People-pleasing and self-abandonment
• Why survivors overexplain and justify themselves
• Rumination and replaying conversations
• High achievement and outsourced self-worth
• Narcissistic relationships and repeating childhood patterns
• Divorce, co-parenting, and protecting children from adult conflict
• Boundaries and the discomfort of saying no
• Estrangement, distance, and self-protection
• Rebuilding self-trust after emotional abuse
• Amy's Scapegoat Reset work
• Why you absolutely can get out of the scapegoat role

And perhaps the most important reminder from Amy:

You can go through hell, come out the other side, and discover that life can be better than you ever thought it could be.

Reasources in the podcast

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3YdldNXZnQ - Dr. Jennifer Jill Harman
• https://www.joshiattorneys.com - Ashish Joshi, Parental Alienation / Family Law / International Child Kidnapping / Child Abuse
• https://link.amazon/B03VJbpwW - Boundary boss

  Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/
• https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest
• https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest
• https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearest

Connect with God’s Favorite Probelm, Amy Watkins 

• Performing Normal: Find Your Voice, Discover Yourself, Reclaim Your Life - https://link.amazon/B0hWA6xau
• Instagram - Amy Watkins (@gods.favorite.problem)Instagram · gods.favorite.problem102.2K+ followers
• Facebook - Gods.favorite.problemFacebook · Gods.favorite.problem26K+ followers
• amywatkinsstudio.com

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: This episode discusses religious trauma, coercive control, sexual and physical abuse, child exploitation, threats of violence and murder, incarceration, suicide attempts, suicidal thoughts, and death.

What does it take to survive when fear, religion, manipulation, and coercive control have shaped nearly everything you believe?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, I sit down with Nomz Bistline, featured in The False Prophet, for a raw conversation about growing up in the FLDS, becoming entangled in Samuel Bateman’s group, surviving extreme coercive control, spending 21 months in prison, and ultimately beginning to find herself again.

Nomz takes us behind what viewers saw in the documentary and explains how years of religious conditioning made threats of punishment and damnation terrifyingly real. She shares how manipulation, fear, intermittent kindness, threats against people she loved, and relentless pressure eventually caused her to become numb and disconnect from her own intuition.

We also talk about something far more complicated: how someone can be both accountable for their actions and a victim of profound coercive control.

Nomz opens up about incarceration, surviving a suicide attempt, months of suicidal depression, and finally receiving therapy. Surprisingly, prison also gave her something she had rarely experienced before: the freedom to think and feel without being punished for it.

During her darkest days, she began writing down ten things she was grateful for. Sometimes the glimmer was simply a bar of soap, clean clothes, a mattress, or a meal. Eventually, she became grateful for something much bigger: awareness.

We talk about rebuilding self-trust, grieving family members who remain in the FLDS, learning what healthy love feels like, and why people on the outside often misunderstand survivors who stay, comply with, defend, or return to their abusers.

Nomz describes survivors as clay models. Abuse, fear, manipulation, and conditioning can mold someone into what an abuser needs them to become. But underneath those layers is a foundation that was there all along.

The real person is still there.

And sometimes healing is the process of breaking away that clay, piece by piece, until you finally recognize yourself again.

Because Nomz found those tiny glimmers and kept going, she is here. And now we all get to experience her glimmers, too. ❤️

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis in the United States, call or text 988 for immediate support.

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

In this raw, honest, and occasionally hilarious conversation, Noelani sits down with Mac and Phil from the Dimming the Gaslight podcast. They share how their friendship began with one unanswered email, a five-hour phone call, and a shared determination to give survivors a place to tell their stories.

Mac describes the moment he began recognizing patterns of gaslighting, trauma bonding, love bombing, manipulation, and coercive control within his marriage. He also discusses being separated from his children, navigating restraining orders and Child Protective Services investigations, and fighting to remain an active, loving father.

Phil shares why he originally created Surviving the Covert Narcissist and how his unfiltered storytelling helped Mac feel understood during one of the most isolating periods of his life. Their connection eventually became Dimming the Gaslight, a podcast built around the truth that domestic abuse has no gender.

Together, Noelani, Mac, and Phil explore:

• Why male survivors often struggle to find support that reflects their experiences
• How gaslighting can cause survivors to question their perceptions and identities
• The emotional impact of being separated from your children
• False or unsubstantiated allegations in high-conflict custody cases
• Why documentation and knowledge of local laws can be important
• How children can become caught between parents after separation
• The stigma surrounding fathers who openly discuss abuse
• Why being called a “Disney dad” may overlook the realities of limited parenting time
• The difference between an occasional fun parent and an intentional, present parent
• How survivors can resist isolation by finding people who understand their experiences
• Why healing is not about revenge, but about reclaiming your identity and living fully
• The importance of loving your children more than you hate your former partner

At its heart, this conversation is about survival, friendship, fatherhood, and refusing to let another person’s behavior determine who you become. Healing may begin with one person saying, “I believe you. You are not alone.”

 Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/
• https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest
• https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest
• https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearest

Connect with Dimming the Gaslight

• https://www.instagram.com/dimming_the_gaslight/
• https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61552019714452
• https://dimmingthegaslight.com/

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

What happens when healing allows you to recognize that the relationships you once considered normal were actually harmful?

In this candid and wide-ranging conversation, Noelani sits down with licensed professional clinical counselor Sandra Fraser Maurer to explore childhood trauma, narcissistic family systems, parent-child estrangement, religious trauma, perimenopause, intergenerational trauma, and the grief of going no contact with a parent who is still alive.

Sandra shares how her earlier work as a birth doula and prenatal yoga teacher led her to become a therapist specializing in women’s health, reproductive and perinatal mental health, trauma, and mental health throughout the lifespan. She and Noelani discuss why pregnancy, parenthood, perimenopause, and other major developmental transitions can cause unresolved trauma to return to the surface.

They also examine the connection between authoritarian parenting, high-demand religion, narcissistic family structures, and adult children’s decisions to establish boundaries or end contact. Sandra explains why a healthy relationship with a partner or therapist does not “cause” estrangement. Instead, experiencing safety, emotional regulation, and respectful boundaries can help someone finally recognize how painful or abusive another relationship has been.

Together, Sandra and Noelani discuss:

• Why perimenopause can bring unresolved trauma back to the surface
• How becoming a parent can change the way someone views their childhood
• Religious trauma and the lasting effects of authoritarian parenting
• Why accountability and genuine apologies matter
• Physical punishment and the normalization of violence against children
• How trauma is passed from one generation to another
• Transactional love, entitlement, and power within family relationships
• The grief of losing a relationship with someone who is still alive
• Why adult children rarely choose no contact casually
• Enmeshment, individuation, and resistance to adult children’s independence
• How safe relationships can reveal previously normalized abuse
• The similarities between controlling family systems and broader authoritarian systems
• Racism, misogyny, xenophobia, and the ethical responsibilities of therapists
• How healing can help individuals and communities choose a different path

This conversation is honest, fiery, compassionate, and ultimately hopeful. Healing does not require pretending the harm never happened. It requires telling the truth, developing healthier relationships, interrupting generational patterns, and deciding that trauma will no longer be passed through another person’s body.

Books Mentioned

• My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem - https://link.amazon/B09b3MBgC
• How to Lose Your Mother: A Daughter’s Memoir by Molly Jong-Fast - https://link.amazon/B02OtjdqE
• Well Trained Wife by Tia Levings- https://link.amazon/B04xWkpoX
• Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich - https://link.amazon/B00UsRWx6
• Do the Work! An Antiracist Activity Book by W. Kamau Bell and Kate Schatz - https://link.amazon/B06Uqc8L9

Connect With Sandra

Sandra Fraser Maurer, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

• https://sandrafrasermaurer.com
• Sandra Fraser MaurerFacebook · Sandra Fraser Maurer6.6K+ followers
• Sandra Fraser Maurer (@mn_therapist)Instagram · mn_therapist30.7K+ followers

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

•https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/

•https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest

•https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/

•https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest

• https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest
• https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearest

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Content Warning: This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse, domestic violence, addiction, suicide, family trauma, and estrangement. Please take care of yourself while listening. If you are in the U.S. and experiencing a mental health crisis or need immediate emotional support, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are outside the U.S., please contact your country’s local crisis line or emergency services for immediate support.

What happens when you stop numbing the pain and finally have to face what was underneath it?

In this powerful and candid conversation, Noelani sits down with Mr. Josh Connolly, author of It’s Them, Not You, to talk about childhood trauma, toxic family systems, addiction and recovery, parenting, emotional neglect, boundaries, masculinity, and what it really means to heal.

He opens up about getting sober at 24 and discovering that alcohol wasn’t the problem he thought it was. Once the alcohol was gone, he was left face-to-face with the emotional pain he had spent years trying to escape.

Together, they explore why families and society so often protect the person causing harm instead of the person experiencing it, and why speaking the truth can make you the scapegoat in a dysfunctional family system.

They also dive into adult children going no contact, the difference between imperfect parenting and abuse, and why a parent’s willingness to listen, take accountability, and repair can completely change a relationship.

Josh shares how childhood emotional neglect can show up later as hypervigilance, chronic people-pleasing, difficulty knowing what you actually want, and building your identity around what other people need from you.

The conversation also challenges traditional ideas about masculinity. He explains why healing wasn’t about becoming a different kind of man. It was about becoming comfortable enough to finally be himself.

They discuss:

• Addiction, sobriety, and discovering the pain underneath the coping mechanism
 • Childhood trauma and emotional neglect
 • Toxic parents and dysfunctional family systems
 • Why families protect abusers and scapegoat truth-tellers
 • Narcissistic mothers and mother-daughter dynamics
 • Adult children, estrangement, and going no contact
 • Parenting, accountability, and the power of repair
 • Hypervigilance and chronic people-pleasing
 • Developing a healthy sense of self
 • Boundaries and why toxic systems fight back when you change
 • Men, vulnerability, emotional expression, and masculinity
 • Raising children who are allowed to become themselves
 • Why being yourself creates healthier relationships
 • Taking responsibility for your healing without taking responsibility for what happened to you

He leaves us with an important distinction: you can take responsibility for what you do moving forward without taking responsibility for what was done to you.

His Book - https://amzn.to/3ULzMXa

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/
• https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest
• https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest

https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearest

Connect with Josh 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/josh_ffw/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@josh_ffw

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joshffw

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JoshConnolly_FFW

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joshconnolly/

X/Twitter: https://twitter.com/josh_ffw

Website: https://www.joshconnolly.co.uk/

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

What if anxiety, hypervigilance, shutdown, and other mental health struggles aren't simply about what is “wrong” with us, but about what happened to us?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani speaks with filmmaker Ton Mazzone, creator of the documentary Traumality, about the connection between childhood trauma, the nervous system, mental health, relationships, and healing.

Ton shares how his own struggles with anxiety and fight-or-flight responses led him on a four-year journey to create Traumality, interviewing 22 experts while exploring his own story along the way.

Together, they discuss why trauma doesn't have to be one catastrophic event, how repeated childhood experiences can become stored in our nervous system, and why rupture and repair are so important in parenting. 

They also explore narcissistic and emotionally immature parents, boundaries, no contact, and what happens when the apology or accountability we need never comes.

Ton also shares his powerful concept of “agency over exposure,” why survivors never owe anyone their entire trauma story, and his TRAUMALITY method for sharing difficult experiences without sacrificing emotional safety.

Most importantly, this conversation challenges us to stop asking “What's wrong with you?” and start asking “What happened to you?”

🎬 The Traumality trailer plays immediately after the introduction.

🎥 Stay through the end for Ton's viral A Day in the Life of Anxiety, the video that helped begin the journey that eventually led to Traumality.

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/
• https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest
• https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest
• https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearest
  
  

Traumality

https://traumality.com/

https://www.instagram.com/traumality/

https://www.instagram.com/tonmazzone/ - Ton, The filmmaker

https://youtu.be/6PgrQgum9R8?si=CB0hW9XiK7kzFHyO - The Film that inspired it all

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Why do so many narcissistic abuse survivors remain trapped in self-doubt, shame and hypervigilance, even when they appear highly successful?

In this episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani speaks with Barbara, a New Jersey therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery and complex trauma. Barbara shares how her own experience with therapists who did not understand narcissistic abuse inspired her to pursue specialized training, including Dr. Ramani’s narcissistic abuse certification.

Together, they explore why traditional talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy may not be enough for survivors whose trauma is stored in the nervous system. They also explain how treatments such as EMDR and clinical hypnosis can help survivors process painful experiences, challenge deeply rooted beliefs and begin rebuilding a sense of safety.

This conversation also examines why telling a survivor to “let it go” can feel like another form of gaslighting. Healing does not require forgiving an abuser, receiving an apology or waiting for justice that may never come. It means redirecting your energy toward your own peace, identity and future.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why high-functioning survivors still struggle with shame and self-doubt
 • How narcissistic abuse affects the nervous system
 • Why traditional talk therapy may not address complex trauma
 • How EMDR helps the brain process traumatic memories
 • What clinical hypnosis looks like in a therapeutic setting
 • Why survivors do not have to forgive their abusers to heal
 • The difference between guilt, shame and accountability
 • How cognitive dissonance keeps survivors attached to toxic relationships
 • Why peace may initially feel boring after living in constant chaos
 • Reparenting yourself with compassion and gentleness
 • Reclaiming your identity after narcissistic abuse
 • How to stop waiting for an apology, approval or justice

If you are at the beginning of your healing journey, please remember: You are not broken. You are resilient, you are not alone and you deserve a life built around safety, peace and authenticity.

Barbara currently practices in New Jersey.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis or professional mental health treatment.

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/
• https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondMommyDearest
• https://substack.com/@beyondmommydearest
• https://www.threads.com/@beyondmommydearest

Connect with Barbara

• https://newleafpsychotherapyllc.com
• https://www.instagram.com/newleafpsychotherapyllc4/

Support the show

Reach out! You don't have to explain how crazy she was. We believe you!!!

Narcissism Is Everywhere: Childhood Trauma, Toxic Leadership, Power & AI

Trigger warning: This episode includes discussion of childhood trauma, narcissistic and emotional abuse, substance use, overdose, politics, and other potentially difficult subjects.

What happens when a conversation about narcissistic parents becomes a conversation about narcissism everywhere?

In this special live episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani sits down again with Chris Van Linda (@hype.r.vigilance) for an unscripted conversation about growing up with narcissistic and emotionally unhealthy parents, the long-term effects of childhood trauma, and how those same dynamics can show up in workplaces, leadership, technology, culture, and systems of power.

Noelani and Chris explore something many survivors struggle to put into words: why success doesn't always feel like success.

When you've spent childhood learning that your accomplishments belong to someone else, that your role is to please, perform, fix, or remain dependent, adulthood can bring a complicated relationship with achievement. Even objectively successful people may struggle to feel pride, ownership, or satisfaction in what they've accomplished.

They discuss self-sabotage, enmeshment, learned helplessness, family roles, identity, and the process of asking: “Is this actually what I want, or is this who I learned I needed to be?”

The conversation then moves beyond the family system.

What happens when narcissistic behaviors are rewarded in workplaces, corporations, politics, technology, and other positions of power? Noelani and Chris discuss narcissism in executive leadership, trauma-informed organizations, AI and technology, surveillance, cultural norms, fear, social change, and the importance of recognizing how interpersonal dynamics can become systemic ones.

They also explore the uncertainty many people are feeling right now and why naming fear, anger, sadness, hope, joy, and everything in between matters.

This is a wide-ranging, candid conversation about narcissism, trauma, identity, power, technology, culture, and ultimately, reclaiming ownership of your life.

In this episode:

• Growing up with narcissistic and emotionally unhealthy parents
• Why male survivors need to be part of the conversation
• Stage-parent dynamics and children being treated as extensions of their parents
• Why survivors sometimes struggle to feel successful
• Self-sabotage and learned helplessness
• Enmeshment and reclaiming your identity
• Family roles beyond the scapegoat and golden child
• Narcissism in leadership and workplace culture
• Trauma-informed executive leadership
• Why narcissistic behavior can sometimes be rewarded professionally
• Narcissism, power, politics, and cultural systems
• AI, technology, surveillance, and the people creating these systems
• Fear and uncertainty in periods of rapid social change
• Finding your voice after growing up afraid
• Choosing what matters to you and taking action
• Reclaiming your life as your own

Connect with Chris:

• https://www.instagram.com/hype.r.vigilance Chris on Instagram
• https://tinyurl.com/bddemu7bm - Chris on Cameo
•  https://bit.ly/4ahfgCz Chris’ Lint.ree

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/

Beyond Mommy Dearest explores the impact of narcissistic and emotionally immature parenting and what it takes to heal, break generational cycles, rebuild self-trust, and come home to yourself.

Support the show