In this bonus episode, I open up Journal Entry #33 and take you inside one of the most chaotic, powerful, and transformational weeks I’ve had in a long time. From dealing with panic and old habits creeping back in, to standing up for my daughter in a way I never thought I could—I’m laying it all out.

I talk about what it’s like to go from emotional shutdowns and substance abuse to making decisions that actually protect the people I love. This is real growth. Not the pretty kind—the kind that hurts, humbles you, and heals you at the same time.

If you've ever wondered how to turn your pain into strength, or how to show up when your past keeps trying to pull you back, this one’s for you. No script, no filter—just truth from the mud.

They don’t scream. They don’t hit. Hell, sometimes they even smile while they’re tearing you apart. This episode of Beyond The Mud dives headfirst into the world of covert narcissists—the wolves in sheep’s clothing who gaslight you so well, you start apologizing just for existing.

Whether it’s a partner, a parent, or that “nice” family member who always plays the victim—this episode unpacks how emotional abuse can go unseen for years and leave invisible scars that take even longer to heal. Backed by science, neuroscience, and psychology, and delivered with raw honesty and sharp humor, I’ll walk you through the red flags, the psychological patterns, and how I broke free from it—not just for me, but for my kids.

We’ll talk family, fake apologies, denial disguised as advice, and how to protect your peace like your life depends on it—because it does.

💥 If this episode hits home, share it with someone you care about. It might be awkward, but it might save a life.

📬 Want to tell your story? Or just need someone to talk to?

I read every message. Email me at: [email protected]

Or connect with me on Facebook: Beyond The Mud

You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You’re waking up.

Sometimes healing isn’t pretty. Sometimes it means drawing a line in the sand—even if it’s the people who share your blood standing on the other side.

In this raw, unfiltered episode of Beyond The Mud, I’m laying it all out. I talk about how toxic family cycles nearly swallowed my kids and me whole… until I decided enough was enough.

We’re not sugarcoating shit today. This is for every parent who’s had to make the impossible decision to protect their kids from their own relatives. For every person who grew up around narcissists, manipulators, racists, and straight-up emotional terrorists wearing the mask of "family."

I’ll walk you through what happened, what changed, and how we’re rising now—stronger, healthier, and freer than ever before.

If you’ve ever struggled with guilt, generational dysfunction, or the lie that “family is everything,” this episode will hit hard. And it might just be the wake-up call you needed.

It’s time to heal. Even if that means cutting people off.

A year ago, I was journaling just to get financial aid. Today, I wake up at 5AM, meditate, hit the gym with my son, and write like my life depends on it — because it kinda does. In this episode, I walk you through how I went from emotionally unavailable and overwhelmed to present, sober, disciplined… and still human enough to occasionally lose it over a messy laundry room.

If you've ever felt stuck, lost, guilty as a parent, or like your past is too messy to start over — this one’s for you. I share the exact habits that rewired my brain, the science behind why they work, and the moment my daughter told me she trusts me now (which hit harder than any TED Talk ever could).

Yeah, there’s laughter. Yeah, I cuss. But there’s also hope — the gritty, hard-earned kind. Because rebuilding your life doesn’t start with a master plan. It starts with one small thing you do today.

Ever feel like everyone else is sprinting through life while you’re over here tripping over your own shoelaces?

Yeah… me too.

In this episode of Beyond The Mud, we’re tackling one of the biggest peace-stealers of our generation: comparing yourself to everyone and caring way too much about what people think. From social media highlight reels to family pressure, from career envy to relationship FOMO — I’ve been there. Hell, I lived there. Full-time resident of Comparisonville, population: deeply insecure.

We’ll talk:

Why your brain is literally wired to compare (blame evolution and social psychology)

The difference between healthy inspiration and soul-crushing self-comparison

How social media messes with your self-worth

What “fear of judgment” really does to your confidence

And how I learned (the hard way) to stop performing for an imaginary audience and start owning my damn life

It’s real. It’s hilarious. It’s backed by science.

And it might just help you shut up that inner voice saying “you’re not enough.”

If you’re tired of measuring your life by someone else’s timeline… press play.

Let’s laugh through the lies and find freedom on the other side.

Beyond The Mud, we’re diving into the wild truth: anxiety and creativity are in a full-blown fistfight inside your head.

Turns out, science backs this up — anxiety can shut down creativity, but creativity can shut anxiety down.

Your brain is basically a working dog. If you don’t give it a job, it’ll eat your mental furniture.

That’s why we’re unpacking how to give your brain a mission it loves — through jokes, journaling, music, building stuff, ANYTHING creative — and how that one shift can change everything from your mood to your purpose.

We’ll talk:

✔️ Why your anxious brain needs a creative outlet ASAP

✔️ How I turned panic into punchlines (and found peace in the process)

✔️ What neuroscience says about giving your brain a project

✔️ How to start creating your way out of the slump — even if you’re not “artistic”

If you’re stuck, stressed, or spiraling… this might be the realest lifeline you didn’t know you needed.

Let’s laugh through it — and build something better.

Feeling stuck? Judging yourself too harshly? Searching for your purpose while silently screaming into a pillow? This episode is for you.

In this raw, hilarious, and deeply inspiring episode of Beyond The Mud, I open up about the journey I never expected — from battling fear and self-doubt to discovering my purpose through stand-up comedy.

You’ll hear how I started shifting my mindset (for real this time), how my kids are now following my lead instead of just my words, and why I finally had to fire the inner judge that’s been running my life like a courtroom for years.

We’ll break down:

✔️ How to stop overthinking your worth

✔️ Why your intentions aren’t always enough

✔️ What neuroscience says about changing your habits (and your brain)

✔️ The hilarious way humor saved me from my darkest thoughts

✔️ And how leading by example can shift your entire home

If you’ve ever questioned where you're headed, felt like you were falling behind, or just needed a sign that you’re not crazy for wanting more — this is that sign.

You’ll laugh, you’ll relate, and you might even walk away with the clarity you’ve been looking for.

Hit play. Let’s grow — and laugh — through the mud together.

You ever feel stuck between “what if” and “what now”?

In this raw and brutally honest episode, I’m unpacking why making decisions—even small ones—can feel like brain surgery with no anesthesia. From the science of overthinking and decision fatigue to what your gut is actually trying to tell you, we’re breaking it all down.

This isn’t just theory. I’ve lived it. I’ve postponed breakups, sat on career moves, and literally stared at toothpaste for 20 minutes in the store trying to decide. And yeah—I’m still learning. But I’ve also done the research, asked the hard questions, and figured out why most of us are more afraid of regret than failure.

You’ll learn:

Why your brain shuts down under pressure (and how to hack it)

What “trusting your gut” really means (hint: it’s backed by science)

How to stop second-guessing yourself into insanity

A step-by-step way to make hard decisions (especially when others are involved)

How I’m slowly building confidence—one shaky decision at a time

If you’ve been putting off a choice that could change your life… this might be the sign you’ve been waiting for.

Because not choosing is still a choice. And your future self is begging you to decide.

What happens when you're 45, single, seven months sober… and suddenly realize you haven’t had sex or been in a relationship in five years?

In this brutally honest and unexpectedly hilarious episode of Beyond The Mud, Mike Siam opens up about the kind of dry spell nobody talks about but too many people silently live through. From heartbreak and shame to spiritual masturbation (yup, you read that right), Mike gets real about the emotional, physical, and psychological impact of long-term celibacy and isolation.

But this isn’t just a tell-all it’s a deep dive into what happens when you're forced to sit with yourself, find your worth outside of intimacy, and rebuild from rock bottom. With research-backed insights, raw storytelling, and Mike’s signature mix of comedy and depth, this episode is a must listen for anyone who's ever felt alone in their healing journey.

Whether you’re laughing, relating, or uncomfortable in the best way this one’s for you.

Warning: After listening, you might want to text Mike, set him up on a date, or just say “bro… are you good?” He is. But he’s also still not getting any.

Email Me [email protected]

After months of wrestling with anxiety and self-doubt, I finally stepped back on stage—4.5 minutes of raw, imperfect, real comedy. I didn’t remember every line, but I remembered who I am. This episode isn’t just about performing—it's about surviving. It’s about what it means to stay sober for 7 months, to rebuild broken trust with my son, to parent a teenage daughter through chaos, and to rediscover purpose in the most unlikely places: an open mic, a journal, and a silent, screaming mind.

This is for the ones who feel like they’re too far gone. For the creatives who’ve lost their spark. For the parents who are trying to hold it together. For anyone who’s ever felt like quitting but didn’t.

If anyone’s listening… this is the story of falling down, getting back up, and daring to believe there’s something waiting at the top.