Bible Momming

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This is Paula Whidden, I’m an author and pastor and I’m coming to you from my home office while it’s raining outside. I’m all bundled up because it’s chilly and I hope you are bundled up too. 

In this episode of the Bible Momming podcast, we are talking about 2 little words that change our lives. 

No two words can make a bigger impact on people around you and on you yourself. Those words are easy to say but tough to feel sometimes. Yet, when we embrace them and use them as often as possible, they can change our own hearts even as we say them. They can soften the hearts of others and help give us access to more peace and joy than any other two words. 

These words need to be taught, we don’t say them naturally. They take practice to learn to wield well. We often use these words to reflect on being polite. We use them as a sign of courtesy, but they impact our own hearts in bigger ways than we realize. 

When my daughter Rachel was around 2 yrs. old, we went to a restaurant and I was helping her to make her own order. When the food arrived,  I leaned over and told her, “Say, thank you.” She then turned to our server and said, “Thank you.” It stunned our waitress and she asked how I did that. I was puzzled. Didn’t she see me tell her to say, “thank you?”

We were teaching her these words. We all have to be taught them and practice them over and over. They don’t come naturally.

In the Bible, they are used many different times by different people in different circumstances 

One time in particular stands out for me. 

Daniel’s story:

Nebuchadnezzar King of Babylon took over Judah. The Babylonians always conquer by taking people back to Babylon and having them integrate with the Babylonian community. From those people he wanted men specifically from the Royal family and other noble families to be brought to him.  They selected men who were strong, healthy and good-looking who were well versed in every branch of learning, who had the knowledge and good judgment. They were trained in the language and literature of Babylon for 3 years and then they would enter royal service.  Daniel was one of those men. He became a consultant to the king of Babylon. When the king needed wise counsel he called on Daniel.

Then, the King had a dream and he wanted someone to help him understand what that dream meant. He wouldn’t tell anyone the dream itself, he wanted them to know the dream and interpret it. This sounds crazy right?

When his first grouping of consultants told him that was impossible, he ordered them all to be killed. So someone comes to Daniel to cart him off to be killed and he has no idea why. When he learns about the problem, he and three other friends who also trusted God (we know them as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednago) start praying to God to have Him help them. Daniel asked the king for more time to interpret the dream and that night he had a vision that explained it all. 

Of course he’s very happy to have that happen, so he praises God and thanks Him for helping them. 

Daniel 2: 20-23

He said, “Praise the name of God forever and ever, for he has all wisdom and power. He controls the course of the world events, he removes kings and sets up other kings. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the scholars. he reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in darkness, though he is surrounded by light. 

I thank and praise you, God of my ancestors, for you have given me wisdom and strength. You have told me what we asked of you and revealed to us what the king demanded.”

This makes sense. We often go to God and thank him when things go well for us. 

We thank him when we get a new job. 

We thank him when the car starts after it sounded like it wouldn’t. 

We thank him when someone we love is kept safe from danger. 

That’s the polite thing to do. 

But what happens when things go wrong?

How do we talk with God when the car doesn’t start? When people we love are sick or have been harmed? When things aren’t going well? When a shooting happens at your local high school?

For me, I’m tempted to whine a lot. I complain, or I ask why me or why them. But life isn’t just full of the good times. It comes with hard times. 

No one escapes that. 

Even Jesus got into uncomfortable positions. Even Jesus had people die who were close to him. Imagine how he felt when he heard that his cousin John the Baptist had been beheaded. 

If he faced those challenges, we all will. It makes sense. So, then I wonder if being thankful is something God wants us to do because it’s the polite thing to do or if there’s more to it. 

We are going to talk more about this in a moment but I wanted to make sure you know that

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There are certainly polite verses in the Bible.

Psalm 7:17

I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.

Psalm 139:14

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

But then, there are other times where it seems way beyond polite to be thankful in certain situations. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

Hmm. Be thankful in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES?

So, even if the car doesn’t start, 

or my health isn’t what I want it to be, 

or my friend or I  experience great pain? or tragedy…

I should try to figure out how to be thankful in THOSE situations?

YES. (and we need to help our children to imagine this as an option)

Science has learned that our actions often precede our attitudes. In other words, we may not feel a certain way, but by acting as if we do, we then begin to feel that way. 

This makes me think of my friend Sarah. She was terrified to speak and a bunch of social anxiety, but she had learned that if you act confident, you become confident. So, she joined Toastmasters to learn how to speak better. That’s where I met her. 

She would shake before she had to speak. I remember a specific time when she was speaking when she was talking about being a confident speaker and her hands were so wet it felt as if she had just washed the dishes when I shook her hand right before she went up to speak. 

Sarah was persistent and kept trying. She eventually went to the International Toastmasters' convention and became the 10th best speaker in the world. She’s had articles written about her in Forbes magazine. And it all started by realizing that our actions precede our attitudes. 

So if you want to be thankful, you start acting thankful and as a result, you become thankful.  Funny how science often figures out things that God knew all along. 

This is an amazing thing to know as a parent. If we teach our children how to be thankful, it’s a part of helping them to truly become thankful people. 

Sometimes we know these things without having to have research prove them.

I think Paul knew this when he wrote this to the Philippians.

Philippians 4:6

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

I think Daniel knew it too. 

You see, Daniel had a tough life. He was plucked from his homeland, taken across the known world at that time. Forced to serve a king who neither knew God or honored him. And God helped him through it all. So much so that, for a while, King Nebuchadnezzar actually trusted God. But then, he went back to his self-centered ways and he lost his mind. 

A new King took over, King Belshazzar. and once again, Daniel became his advisor. He gave the king guidance from God. He became the third highest ruler and then that king was killed.

The next king, Darius, the Mede, also chose Daniel as an administrator. Other advisors were jealous of the attention Daniel got, so they set him up. They tricked Darius into creating an order that for the next 30 days any person who prays to anyone, divine or human—except the king would be thrown into the lion’s den. 

We know this story right. But what I find interesting is Daniel’s response to the signing of this law. 

Daniel 6:10

But when Daniel learned that the law had been signed, he went home and knelt down as usual in his upstairs room, with its windows open toward Jerusalem. He prayed three times a day, just as he had always done, giving thanks to his God.

A law has been passed that he would be put in the lion’s den if he prayed, and he was so committed to following God that not only did he pray, he did it with the windows open three times that day and he wasn’t begging God to save his life. He wasn’t crying for the people who also prayed regularly. He was thanking God, just as he had always done.

Think about that for a second. 

He’s a prisoner, in a foreign land (guilded cage for sure, but still a prisoner). He’s being handed off from king to king and each one dies abruptly or gets killed. Now, his third king, is ready to let him get shredded by hungry lions and he’s thanking God.

That’s hugely convicting to me. 

Yes, it says that when they found him he was asking for God’s help. But, Daniel isn’t confident that God will protect him. He doesn’t make any statement that God’s got this. Actually, when he’s led to the den it’s Darius who wishes Daniel would be saved. Darius says,

“May your God, who you serve so faithfully, rescue you.“

Daniel is silent. 

He’s not some super hero with the power to close the mouths of lions with a single breath. He’s just a man. He’s a faithful man. He’s committed to serving God. But he’s just a man.

I’m sure many such men died regularly as captives. I’m sure Daniel didn’t think of himself as impervious to pain or suffering. 

We all know what happened. The stone is put over the lion’s den and the king goes home. Daniel spends the night there and we have no idea what happened except that the next morning the king shows up and opens the den and shouts,

“Daniel, servant of the living God! Was your God, whom you serve so faithfully, able to rescue you from the lions?”

Daniel answered, “Long live the king! My God sent his angel to shut the lions’ mouths so that they would not hurt me, for I have been found innocent in his sight. And I have not wronged you, Your Majesty.”

Daniel went on to serve one more King, King Cyrus of Persia. I suspect he prayed 3 times a day with an open window, giving thanks to God each time. 

In many ways, Daniel’s life was way more turbulent than our lives have been or will be. His life stands as an example of how we should be living. We should be living with confidence to share that we love and trust God. We should be living with thankful attitudes in our hearts and on our lips as we pray. If he could do it, there should be nothing stopping us. 

Our kids need to know that. And in order for that to truly happen, we need to live this truth in front of them.

Colossians 2:6-7

“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

It’s tempting for us to complain when life gets tough when our leaders don’t do what we want them to do, when our friends or family or even we suffer. The challenge is to not sink ourselves into that pit of despair. The challenge is to trust God enough to seek out something to thank Him for in the midst of the frustration. The challenge is to begin thanking Him even if we don’t feel it at the moment because He is worth thanking. 

As we thank Him, we will receive the peace Paul mentioned in Philippians. We won’t necessarily understand it, but we will receive it. And He will guard our hearts as we face the various trials this life has to offer. 

I live in Santa Clarita just one mile from Saugus High school and the shooting that happened there. My children knew other kids who stood next to the shooter and ran for their lives. They also know people who were friends with the shooter. Both groups of people are suffering and so many families have been impacted by this event. And still, there are things we can be thankful for. For the many people of Santa Clarita who have offered free services to kids and their families for everything from therapy to yoga to t-shirts to video games. We can be thankful for the emergency service providers who did everything right. We can be thankful for neighbors who hid running kids. We can be thankful for kids who watched out for other kids and protected them. We can be thankful for families who communicate with and support one another. We can be thankful for the people who lit candles in memory of the shooter all along the street where he lived. We can be thankful for the faculty and their tireless efforts to help the kids even as they struggle with their own fears and frustrations. 

As we prepare for Thanksgiving, these words are everywhere. Our ancestors knew the value of them too. We need to remember to say, “Thank you.” Even if you don’t have a fancy meal or a huge crowd of the family to spend time with, we can still do this. We can still be thankful because God is present in our lives and everything we have, whether it’s little or a lot, He provided it for us. 

It makes me think of a song I grew up with.

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks to the Holy One

Give thank because He’s given Jesus Christ, His Son.

And now, let weak say I am strong

Let the poor say I am rich

Because of what the Lord has done for us

Give thanks.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

I want to let you know how thankful I am for you. I pray for you regularly and value you. If this is helpful for you, please share it with a friend. Take a screenshot and post about it on your favorite social media format or text a friend, but there are so many voices out there and if this is helpful for you, it may be helpful for your friends too. So, let them know about it. And make sure to subscribe to the podcast because I love podcasts, but the only ones I really listen to and enjoy are the ones I subscribe to. It’s always free and ready whenever you want to listen. 

I know you have plenty of things to do and plenty of choices on podcasts, so again, thank you for listening. 

Remember, love is patient and love is kind and that is never more real than in our families. God bless you and have a beautiful day. 

In this episode of the Bible Momming podcast, we are taking a look at the history of momming. There are many things that moms have done and currently do well, but there are also many things we probably wouldn't do again. And yet, we all fall into the trap of comparison. So, in order to give us some perspective, we are looking at 100 years of momming and learning that we all need to give ourselves some grace and stop comparing ourselves to other moms. 

On this episode, I'm interviewing author, Leslie Verner, about her new book, Invited: Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness. in today's world, we often miss the company of other people but don't reach out to invite them into our homes. As believers in Christ, hospitality is expected and needed. 

We talk about...

• Recognizing what season we are in for hospitality
• How clean is clean enough for visitors
• What hospitality really looks like
• Letting go of whether or not someone invites you over

"We invite because we are invited ones." - Leslie Verner

God invites us in and Jesus knocks to get welcomed in. 

In this episode, I'm talking with Brooke Hempell, a researcher from the Barna Group about what households of faith really look like today in the United States. She shares recent research on this topic.

Take-Aways:

- We learn about the vital role of moms.

- Who kids really talk with when they have questions.

- What moms can do to be ready for their kid's needs.

- A great devotional for kids by Louis Giglio. 

This episode is sponsored by Audible. You can get a free 30-day trial plus a free credit for a book by clicking this link.

Audibletrial.com/BibleMomming

For more info on Brooke and the Barna Group. Go to Barna.com. 

Remember to click subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, so that you can always listen to the latest episode for free wherever you are. 

Welcome to the Bible Momming podcast, I’m your host Paula Whidden. I’m an author, pastor, wife, and mom to two wonderful girls who I adore and I regularly tell them how much I like them. And, it’s true. 

I didn’t know that I could like my own teenagers when I was a youth pastor and so many parents expressed their frustrations about their kids to me, and yet I do. I think you can too. 

One way to begin liking your own children more involves working on communication. It starts when they are young and builds and strengthens or gets worse as they grow. Here are some things I’ve learned over the years that you can begin doing at any time and as long as you are persistent and caring through the process, you will grow closer to your children as a result.

You see, we all want to connect with our kids but we can become frustrated as we seek to connect and they seem to close the door on us. Actually, what I’ve learned is that they want us to seek to grow as they grow. They want our questions to get better. They want us to make them feel better about themselves. They don’t know how to teach us though. But, they want to see it happen.

So, today we are learning about asking better questions to get better answers. 

It feels like lately, we are in a communication drought. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of people are talking. OH SO MUCH TALKING! But very few are listening or even trying to listen.  

I’m not innocent of this. My youngest daughter started referring to me as a JibberJabber when she was 6, she’s 15 now and it’s a family joke. She has also become a bit of a jibber-jabber. Needless to say, I have a history of being a talker. But that doesn’t mean I’ve always been a good communicator. And, I want to be one.

A few years ago I embarked on a learning journey to improve my communication skills. I began reading great books like Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently by John Maxwell. I listened to amazing podcasts by great communicators like Dynamic Communicators by Ken Davis. And, I began trying things out on my family. I believe that being able to communicate well with our children is a huge part of their growth process. 

Actually, some research indicates the truth of this. The University of Missouri has done some studies on how to build a strong family and in 2004 they determined that communication between parents and children influences children’s problem-solving skills, ability to relate with peers and their level of emotional distress.  

As I studied, I learned that I needed to ask more and better questions. I tended to fill in any empty space with my own words. But I learned that asking more questions than I answer really helped me to get to know my kids and my husband better. I needed to not assume I understood them, I needed to be sure because I asked good questions. (I’ll admit, they have occasionally been resistant, but they are coming around.)

When I first started, I think I came off as a bit of an inquisitor or a journalist trying to get a story. I accidentally pummeled them with questions for the purpose of asking questions rather than really listening and responding to them. My children have gone through periods where there don’t want to answer and get frustrated by my asking. 

Eventually, I had to tell them that my questions showed how much I care. I didn’t have to ask. We could sit in the same car and pull out our devices and never talk. We could do that, but I wouldn’t like it because I would feel like we weren’t really caring for one another. So, I ask questions. In spite of their pushback, I kept trying. You can too.

From what I can tell, they are glad I kept pushing. I think they are also glad that I lightened up and started actually listening. (I confess that when I’m tired I sometimes go back to my old ways, but I’m getting better.)

Did you know there are 584 Bible verses on the topic of listening?

That’s a lot.

Proverbs 12:15

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m older looking back at my momming style, I don’t want to think I was such a fool. I’m sure you don’t either.

Over the years, there are things I’ve learned about this question asking stuff. There are good questions and there are bad questions. If you’ve ever asked a question and receive the grunting one-word response (which I have received) those are the bad questions. They didn’t intrigue my kids enough to beg them to answer. They were aimed at a yes or no response, which doesn’t ignite good conversation.

The best way to handle it when you discover you asked a bad question is either to regroup and try again or redirect and try again. In other words, don’t give up just because you messed up, keep trying. Some questions people don’t want to answer, so you may have to go onto another topic for the time being. 

I started doing this to help me learn about what my kids were doing when they were in school and we couldn’t connect. I felt so separate from them.

I’ve also discovered that this knowledge overflows into my marriage too. My husband and I are apart all day and then we come together around 7:30 pm and go to bed around 10 pm. In that time, our family watches T.V. or plays a game or has some activity, so the time we get to talk together is fairly small. It has to be purposeful. The better questions I ask my husband, the more connected we feel to one another. 

To be fair, sometimes he reciprocates and asks me some questions, but sometimes he’s tired and he doesn’t. That’s okay. I’m responsible for me. 

Here are some tricks I’ve learned about asking good questions. I hope they help you to connect with your family too. 

I am always trying to figure out ways to ask questions that will not have a “yes,” or, “no,” response. Those two words are dead ends in conversation. If I accidentally get that response, I’ll ask a follow-up question like, “Why?” or “Why not?” I’ll ask for an explanation even if I think I know the explanation because I’ve learned that I make a lot of assumptions about what my family means and those assumptions often turn out to be wrong. 

Do you remember being in English class and the teacher told you to write about the who, what, when, where and why of a given story?  Those are great conversation-starting words.  Who helps you to know about the people in your children’s lives. What gives specifics that we don’t know if we don’t ask. When is tough for the little children but it still helps to move your conversation forward. Where give a visual image for those of us who picture things when we talk with others. And why help us to understand the inner thinking of those we love. Here are a couple of examples of questions I often ask my kids:

Who did you eat lunch with today?

What made you smile today?

Where do you wish you could visit sometime?

Why do you want to do that activity?

There can be something annoying about having someone ask you the same questions, but there is also something comforting about it. I’ve discovered that when I’m tired (and that happens more than I’d like) I can’t think of good questions. That doesn’t mean I’m not interested in my kids or my husband, I just lack originality at the moment. So, I’ve developed some go-to questions that I ask regularly. You can develop the ones that work for you. Many of these came about because I asked bad questions and tried again. When I got good responses, I made a mental note and re-asked it. I’m amazed at how these repetitious questions still get great responses. With my husband it’s different than with my kids, in his fatigue he’ll push back on the repetitious questions sometimes. Ironically, my kids look forward to answering these questions and often compete for who gets to share first. What an amazing problem to have!

Here are some of my regular questions?

1. How was your day today? (I know this often involves a one-word answer, but I use it to help me know how to ask other questions. For example, when my daughter says, “good,” I’ll follow up with, “What made it good?” or “What was your favorite part?” If she says it was,” Bad.” I’ll respond with something like, “What made it bad?”
2. What was the best part of your day?
3. Did you have any good conversations today? What kind of things did you talk about?
4. What was the worst part of your day?

These are works in progress, but usually, these questions start good conversations. As those conversations go and as I’ve been learning to listen more, my kids often ask me questions too. Some of them are about me, but some are also about things they saw or did because they value my thoughts. As a parent, those questions are wonderful teaching moments because they are asking me to be a part of their thought process and their world. I love that.

I’ve also discovered that sitting down at the table to eat helps in those conversations. When I was growing up, my family sat in the living room and watched T.V. together over dinner. As a result, we really didn’t talk much and even today we struggle with communicating with one another. I didn’t want that for my kids. It’s been really important for me to figure out how to sit down at a table together for a meal. 

It was foreign. I didn’t know how to sit at the table, eat together and actually talk with one another. Funny how we often do things outside our comfort zones for our kids. That was DEFINITELY outside my comfort zone. I started asking the questions, but it actually felt even more awkward. All our other conversations, with the exception of my husband, were in the car. The car felt comfortable and safe and familiar. The table didn’t.

So, we decided to start playing board games as a part of our meals. In the course of a board game, we have conversations and it felt safer. 

If this applies to you, our family has certain favorite board games we have played over the years. We have found that some fit us better than others. It’s a point of discovery. When you find what works for you, you too can have a venue for the conversations that maybe feel awkward to you too. 

Plus, when it’s very cold or very hot outside, board games are great ways to be active, at least mentally, as a family. Anything that takes you away from a screen is helpful. 

Over the years, different board games have been popular in our home. Right now we are enjoying Mexican Train Dominoes (thank you to my friend Jason Vanderpal for teaching us), Scrabble, Catch Phrase and Uno. 

After you have done all these things or even some of these things always remember to listen well and respond to what they are saying don’t just wait to say your next question. Our kids want to know that we are truly interested in them. 

James 1:19

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

One of the biggest things we do for our children is trying. We try one thing, then try another and we keep on trying to help our kids to be successful and hopefully become kind and caring and successful adults they were meant to be. 

Don’t give up mommas, keep trying.  

I would love to hear from you on this topic. Do you have questions that work well in your home? How about board games? Have you tried sitting at the table for meals, how do you get everyone talking together?

You can contact me on social media. I’m Paula Whidden on just about every venue. 

Thank you taking time out of your day to listen to this podcast. Remember to subscribe so that you can hear it for free whenever you want. I don’t know about you but I only listen to the podcasts I subscribe to. And if this is helpful for you, share it with a friend. 

I’ve enjoyed this time we have together. I know you have plenty of things to do and many options, so thank you for listening. 

Remember Love is Patient, Love is kind…and that is never more real than in our families. God bless you and have a great week.

On this episode of the Bible Momming podcast, Paula interviews author and speaker Mary Kassian. She has a new book out called The Right Kind of Strong: Surprisingly Simple Habits of a Spiritually Strong Woman.  

In this episode, we talk about:

• Problems we have with some verses about women
• How we can turn those around and learn from them
• Ways women often try to be strong
• Great habits for women to become the right kind of strong

If we haven’t met, I would love to connect with you on Instagram or Facebook.

I’m so glad to be back with the Bible Momming podcast. It’s pretty exciting, the podcast has been growing and it’s actually international now. So I’m elated to welcome listeners from Great Britain, Germany, India, Kuwait and South Africa. 

This is a pretty crazy time of year as kids are starting school or going back. I tend to love and hate it at the same time. I love the sense of organization as my kids end up having a regular schedule with people to see and things to do. I also hate the extra layer of business it adds to my schedule as the school has plenty of things they want me to do in addition. Plus, I miss my kids when I don’t get to spend as much time with them. This was especially true when my girls were in elementary school. 

Now, we pulled out of traditional public school in favor of charter school and my oldest is now attending college, but I remember those feelings and still struggle a bit with them even now. 

I’ve really appreciated our charter school because they have been great for our kids, but I would love it if you would please pray for the charter schools in California. There are some bills making their way through our state legislature that could make it tough for families like ours. There’s a lot of competition for state funding and charter schools are being made to look like bad guys. That is anything but the truth, so please pray for the families and our legislators as they try to figure this stuff out. 

Now, today I want to talk with you about something you may not realize you are doing. 

Leadership.

Over 30 years ago, I held my first leadership role. I was a counselor for teenagers at a camp for the summer. I had just finished my first year of college and wanted to help my church. So, I volunteered to go to camp. I volunteered for high school camp because we didn’t have enough students to go to Jr. high camp. It didn’t occur to me how crazy that was until I was there and it dawned on me that I was leading people who were also my age. Some seniors were 18, but I was 18 after one year of college. They put me in charge of a group of freshmen and I decided to do the best I could with them and not think about the ages of other kids at the camp. It was an amazing experience and I think I did pretty well. 

Since then, I’ve become passionate about learning from great leaders because I always want to get better at helping others. Eventually, I became a youth pastor and started to awkwardly put together some of the things I had been learning. From there, I became an associate pastor and a children’s pastor. I’ve coached couples on how to improve the quality of their marriage and I’ve written books for couples and families. 

Through it all, I’ve still passionately sought wise leaders to guide me. I meet with them face to face or read their books or listen to their podcasts. I always thought the leadership skills I was learning were strictly for helping with work as a pastor or speaker. 

Now that my own children are in their teens and one is almost done with her teens, I realize how much mom advice I got from those leadership gurus. I realized how their lessons helped me to be a better mom and help my own kids to become the best they can be. So, today I want to pass some of that onto you. You see, you are a leader momma. 

From the day the doctor or nurse handed your beautiful baby over to you, you became a leader. Over the course of your child’s life, you will give them insight into ways to eat, how to act, how to handle hardships, how to build friendships, when to keep pushing forward and when to back away. You’ll help your son or daughter to know their strengths and weaknesses. You will introduce them to God and the Bible. You will be their primary source of encouragement and direction. You will attempt to support and teach them school things, but predominantly you will be leading them in how to be the best human they can be. 

If you doubt me, listen to some of the definitions of leadership offered by the many leaders I’ve studied over the years. See how you fit into these definitions. 

"Leadership is not about titles, positions, or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another." --John C. Maxwell

"Don't follow the crowd, let the crowd follow you." --Margaret Thatcher

"The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things." --Ronald Reagan

"A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. He does not set out to be a leader, but becomes one by the equality of his actions and the integrity of his intent." --Douglas MacArthur

"Leaders think and talk about the solutions. Followers think and talk about the problems." --Brian Tracy

"The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes." --Tony Blair

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Do you see it now?

Can you see how you are a leader?

As we seek direction from the Bible on how to be the best mom we can be, I want you to look at God’s directions to leaders because those are for you. We all know moms who mess this up because they doubt their own leadership skills, they doubt the confidence for this role. But, the Bible is loaded with people who had those same doubts concerning the leadership role they were given. 

You may be a clerk at a grocery store or an administrative assistant and it may be tough for you to grab this. It was tough for Moses too. He begged God to send someone else to help the Israelite people. Or maybe you are a leader at work, you manage 200 or more people and coordinate major corporate events. But kids scare you. Funny thing about work leadership. There is always someone else who can come and take your job. They may do it as good as you or even better. But when it comes to being the mom of your child, you are irreplaceable. You are uniquely placed in this space at this time to train up and raise these people. And much like many Biblical leaders, you can do it. 

In Jesus’ day, the disciples had many poor leaders to look at. Consider that time period. It was brutal and so were the leaders. And yet, there are definite similarities between how people of leadership acted between then and now.

Mark 10:42-45 (NLT)

42 So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. 43 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. 45 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

That’s precisely what great moms do. They serve their family. They serve their kids. That can look differently with different people. It could mean being the transportation, it could mean being the main food server. It also could me picking out clothes or attending an event that you are not looking forward to attending. Serving means acknowledging that it’s not all about me. 

This can be tough. That why we need to know what God told to the prophet Isaiah to pass on to the people of Israel when they felt defeated and tired. This is for us too Mommas.

Isaiah 41:10 (NLT) 

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

It doesn’t matter what age you are either. I know many young mommas who are starting this leadership process. I have heard their frustrations and how they wish they knew more or had more experience. 

The Apostle Paul sent a letter to a young leader named Timothy addressing this exact thought. 

1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT)

12 Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

Each of us has a beautiful capacity to lead the people God gave us to lead. And I know it’s tempting to show off or to compare ourselves to one another. It’s an easy trap to fall into. There are some things our kids will have in common with other kids. And yet, they are preciously unique and we are on the ground floor to see that. So let’s be careful of those temptations that all leaders struggle with. That’s why Paul mentioned it to the believers in the town of Philippi by saying…

Philippians 2:3 (NLT)

3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Believe me I struggle with these too. I want to show off my kids and what they do as an athlete or a scholar. But I also struggle with how to express a thought that will truly be encouraging to them or how to finally motivate my child to have a clean room. There is so much more to our stories than the pictures we post on social media. And, when they move out and do their own thing, they will still have challenges that I may or may not have helped them prepare for. It’s intimidating.

I still remember having spent so much time with so many children before my girls were born. That first day in the hospital when the nurse came to show my husband and me some basic ways to care for our baby and I was scared. I still get scared sometimes. I get afraid that I will have made a decision that has a detrimental impact on the rest of their lives. I think we all feel that sometimes.  So do other leaders. That’s why God’s first words to Joshua when he became the second leader of the Israelites were these. And they fit us too.  

Joshua 1:9

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Mommas, we desperately need to strength that God can and does give us. We won’t do everything right. No leader does. We take one step at a time and move forward knowing that He is with us and that He has great promises for us like this.

Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 

Coming up on the Bible Momming podcast, I’ve got some great guests and some help to develop habits that will strengthen you and enable you to be the strong leader God designed you to be. 

Over the next couple of months I’m talking with Brooke Hempell from the Barna group about research they’ve been doing on what strong households of faith look like. I’m talking with Beth McCord about how knowing your enneagram type and your family’s types and how that will help you to appreciate one another more. I’m talking with author Mary Kassian about being the right kind of strong, and so much more. 

I’m so enthusiastic about this next season. If you want to connect with me, I would love to hear from you. You can find me on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and I’m “Paula Whidden” everywhere you look. 

If you would like to connect with other like minded moms, come join the Bible Momming group on Facebook. 

I know you have plenty of things pulling at your time, so thank you for listening. And remember, Love is patient and love is kind and that is never more real than in our families.