Today, I'm bringing you some ideas to help your marriage. This podcast is for married mommas, but also for single mommas who hope to be married in the future. Planning ahead helps to prepare you for success.
As a youth and children's pastor, I've connected with many families who've experienced divorce as well as separations. These things don't just damage your marriage and your heart. They hurt your kids. They remove a sense of security in their lives.
When I was a kid, I felt it and dealt with these things myself. I cannot remember a time my parents lived together. When I was 10, they decided to get a divorce. When they were together you could cut the tension in the air most of the time or they were straight up yelling.
Then, my dad, brother and I got in a catastrophic car accident that killed my father one week before my parents were scheduled to go to court. This left me with the sense that I didn't know what a happy home or happy marriage looked like. I ended up seeking out families with healthy relationships and adopting them as extended family. In the midst of it, God taught me some amazing things.
Since that time, I have coached with over 100 couples. Many of them struggle because of personality clashes and expectations, but the addition of kids only magnifies the problems.
Kids bring joy but they also bring stress on us personally and on our marriage.
Here are some of the issues we address at various ages in the lives of our children:
- Infant - lack of sleep, who does what
- Toddler - what to say and when to say it, discipline, chaos management, food ideas, continued fatigue
- Elementary age - what to say and when to say it, how to build friendships, school expectations, drugs and alcohol (sometimes) outside activities (affording or choosing what they can do), dating, discipline, chaos management, food ideas, continued….FATIGUE
- Jr. high - fresh new emotions, friendship drama, drugs and alcohol, the boy/girl thing, places to put energy, school expectations, outside activities, discipline, chaos/time management, food, early money management, and exhaustion.
- High School - Emotional stress, Relationship drama, the boy/girl thing, drugs and alcohol, how to get/keep a job, driving training and trials, planning for college or a trade, places to put energy, school expectations, outside activities, discipline, chaos/time management, food, early money management, and we are so amazingly tired.
Oh, and I happen to be married too.
It's easy to get caught up in the needs of our children and neglect marriage needs. Because hey, your husband is an adult, and he doesn't need you as much, or so you tell yourself.
WHAT RELATIONSHIP WORKS THAT WAY?
Friends need to spend time with friends in order to remain friends.
That doesn't stop just because you got married.
The best thing parents can do for their children is work on their marriage
Parents Magazine had an article called "Happy Parents, Happy Kids." In it, Philip Cowen, PhD, a professor at the University of California, Berkeley said, "Kids whose parents' relationship has cooled are more likely to have behavioral or academic problems than kids of happy couples."
As we're Bible Momming, we need to lean on biblical guidance for our relationships. This goes for our kids but also for our marriages.
Here are a couple:
Ecclesiastes 4:12 [Full Chapter]
"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 [Full Chapter]
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
Prayer is a mystical thing that will help your marriage and your family.
When praying for your marriage, consider the who, what, when, where, why and how's.
Who:
You can pray on your own or with your husband. You can pray together or apart.
What:
Pray for…not against your husband. Pray for the team of you
When:
You can pray whenever you want. For my husband and me, we like to pray in the morning. Meals can be reminders and a way to witness to the kiddos. You can pray in the middle of the day, even as you are driving,
Where:
You can pray in the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom, the car, the park, or wherever you want. There is no special place where you are closer to God. Though personally, I do enjoy praying outside, but I don't do that all the time.
Why:
Through prayer, we acknowledge God's sovereign ability to make a difference in our lives and the lives of others. It's an act of submission and recognition of God's composition. He is capable of more than we can imagine.
He is our Creator (thus He knows more about us than we do). He's our savior (thus He's rooting for us). He's our friend (thus He believes in and encourages us).
There are many reasons why we pray, here are a few mentioned in the Bible:
Matthew 26:41
"Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!"
James 5:16 "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." 2 Chronicles 7:14 "Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." - to seek freedom from fears -
Psalm 34:4 "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears."
Psalm 102:2 "Don't turn away from me in my time of distress. Bend down to listen, and answer me quickly when I call to you." How:
- Believe you will receive (you do not receive because you do not ask)
- Be open-minded in recognizing God's answer is God's answer - God is not a vending machine
- Be supportive
- Be kind in your prayers
- Participate in the prayer…faith without work is dead
- Be thankful
If you pray together, seek quiet spaces for that precious time. Contact your husband when something comes up and you would like prayer. Also, offer to pray for him. Send a text asking him how his day going and how you can pray for him. Even if he doesn't want prayer, offer occasionally so that he knows you think of him. If he adamantly doesn't want it, you can still pray quietly to God in a way that is uniquely between Him and you.
Make prayer a habit in your marriage because habits are amazing things. When you make it a habit, you'll notice ways that God is guiding and helping you as you seek His direction and support for your relationship.
You may find that you notice your husband's strengths more. You may find that you appreciate him more. You may find that you feel more romantic because of these things. You may find that you fight in a kinder way. You may find that you don't feel alone when tough times come at you.
This constant connection with Your creator has an over flowing effect in many other parts of your life including your marriage.
Mommas if you need the encouragement of other mommas, come on over and join our Bible Momming Facebook group. We pray for one another, encourage one another, and laugh at the strange things that moms do sometimes.
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or (661) 491-5111
