You guys, Dan is definitely not okay and needs to go to the doctor. Maureen is fine. Mostly.

But news. That’s what we are here about. And there is some! Finally, the hearings on January 6th are underway and swift, decisive justice is being meted out to all the participants. Lol. Just kidding. The hearings are about to start and Maureen just wants to watch them while drinking iced tea. Nothing will happen, but she is determined to have her Watergate Summer. Meanwhile, Dan reminds her that the mob really, really, really wanted to kill Mike Pence. And so did Trump, apparently! They were going to KILL Mike Pence. Kill him DEAD. THEY WERE GOING TO KILL THAT GUY.

Also, some freedom fighters were promised a big sandwich that never arrived.

Meanwhile, the UK is having a real one—celebrating all things Queeny. Seventy years! It’s a weird number to celebrate, which is why there are holograms and cake. Also, there was a sudden, major political upheaval in Parliament. They almost ousted Boris Johnson! They’re getting it done! They’re drunk and staring at beams of light, but they are getting it done!

But seriously, Dan is flat on his back and needs help. Someone help Dan. Get the stretcher, SaysWhovia. We’re taking him to the hospital.

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