Hey SaysWhovia, there's a big vat of chemicals threatening to blow, a Ultimate Fighting Championships ring getting built at the White House, and DoJo's getting married. So clearly: It's our time.

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Is it all feeling like a lot, SaysWhovia? That’s because it is. The UK doesn’t know who’s in charge. Voting rights have been jettisoned back to Jim Crow times. Trump is driving around in the reflecting pool. New virus just dropped. But this is a copying strategy! And those racist Confederate lovers are loser scum. Keep trying. Keep with your friends. Listen to the new Rebel Spirit! Organize your beans! Get some bins!

Get in the helicopter, SaysWhovia. We’re going to steal a statue.

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There was nothing to talk about this week. Nothing at all. So Dan built a machine. A machine to write a book. On a week where nothing happened. You get it.

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This week, take a trip with Dan and Maureen to the weirdest cruise route (currently) in the world. Also, let’s talk writing! And why everyone has to get really drunk to be around Trump. And how there’s a war but it’s not a war and it’s won already but it’s about to start except it is over and the Strait of Hormuz is completely open but we’ve closed it and Iran has closed it and there’s a ceasefire and there is bombing and it will all be settled soon by America’s Failsons. So don’t worry.

Meet you on the Lido Deck, SaysWhovia!

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Dan and Maureen have a new home! They just need to legally buy it and move in, but it is theirs. Dan is going to become a Druid and Maureen is going to make food and write spells. 

Why not? 

After all, this week: JD Vance destroyed the hopes of the Hungarian far-right and then tanked talks with Iran while Donald Trump watched a cage match. Donald Trump turned himself into Jesus and decided to fight the Chicago Pope. Then he got McDonald’s fake delivered.

So yeah. We’re all going to the Misty Mountains. Grab a staff, SaysWhovia. It’s time for Magick.

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Dan and Maureen get together on this Wednesday morning (a day later than usual) to break down the important things: Maureen’s new kitchen blind, a planner from Staples, possible nuclear war, mysterious fried chicken smells, the blessed air purifier, a head of FEMA teleporting to a Waffle House, and the power of commenting online.

Considering the week we've all had, it’s actually pretty positive.

Don’t give up, SaysWhovia. Come dance with us. You’ve got the music in you.

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Dan has been out on the road working on his book and now he is tired. Also, he has not been looking at the news. But Maureen has a story that summarizes all he, and SaysWhovia, needs to know.

Hold on to your butts, SaysWhovia.

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How’s anyone supposed to cope with things these days? The war? The chaos? The madman in charge? So many problems! Dan is worried.

Everybody relax, because Maureen has an idea.

Nice deep inhale, SaysWhovia. Everything’s going to be fine now.

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What’s that sound, SaysWhovia? Why, that’s the sound of tiny shoes and great big shoes—shoes of every size, tapping all over the White House! Special Correspondent A.C. Shoe reports from the remains of the East Wing, where there’s something afoot!

Seriously, this week is terrible so we’re going to talk about Trump’s weird shoe thing.

Step inside, SaysWhovia! The shoe might not fit, but wear it anyway!

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Maureen has pneumonia and now she and Dan are going to try to explain the war, and also 2001: A Space Odyssey.

This is one of those episodes, SaysWhovia.

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