The Fourth of July, and America's 250th birthday, is this week and the vibes are off. 

But it's OK because a good old fashioned state fair has set up in the nation's capital and it's going just great.

Plus: pretty soon someone's launching nearly a million firework shells. 

Nothing can stop us now.

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Well, obviously Dan and Maureen are going to talk about the reflecting pool. Obviously. But also! RFK has pockets full of sauerkraut, we tried to invade Greenland for Red Lobster, and Maureen spills on a secret she’s been keeping for MONTHS!

Just put your suit on, SaysWhovia. And maybe some protective gear. We’re going swimming.

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What’s that feeling in the air? It’s patriotism! We’re celebrating 250 years of whatever this is the way our wacky founding fathers would have wanted—turning the reflecting pool green, wrapping the Kennedy Center in a tarp, and having a cage match on the White House lawn. But it’s not even our nation’s birthday yet! It’s just a Big Boy’s Birthday and we’re getting some fun in early to celebrate our favorite guy. Algae, coverups, and blood spit. Hooray!

To celebrate at home, Maureen cleaned some fans and made soup. She’s smiling at Dan, which is making Dan nervous. There is no need to be nervous, Dan. Maureen is just happy to be here at such a wonderful time.

Get your party hats on, SaysWhovia. Celebrations are mandatory.

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Dan and Maureen are back after a brief and unexpected hiatus. Maureen has many things to tell Dan—so many adventures in England. This includes the new SaysWhovia Manor. Let’s ignore the news for a minute and hear about our future in the past, when we all get really into falconry and magick.

Grab your staff, SaysWhovia. We’re going to the Misty Mountain.

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Hey SaysWhovia, there's a big vat of chemicals threatening to blow, a Ultimate Fighting Championships ring getting built at the White House, and DoJo's getting married. So clearly: It's our time.

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Is it all feeling like a lot, SaysWhovia? That’s because it is. The UK doesn’t know who’s in charge. Voting rights have been jettisoned back to Jim Crow times. Trump is driving around in the reflecting pool. New virus just dropped. But this is a copying strategy! And those racist Confederate lovers are loser scum. Keep trying. Keep with your friends. Listen to the new Rebel Spirit! Organize your beans! Get some bins!

Get in the helicopter, SaysWhovia. We’re going to steal a statue.

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There was nothing to talk about this week. Nothing at all. So Dan built a machine. A machine to write a book. On a week where nothing happened. You get it.

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This week, take a trip with Dan and Maureen to the weirdest cruise route (currently) in the world. Also, let’s talk writing! And why everyone has to get really drunk to be around Trump. And how there’s a war but it’s not a war and it’s won already but it’s about to start except it is over and the Strait of Hormuz is completely open but we’ve closed it and Iran has closed it and there’s a ceasefire and there is bombing and it will all be settled soon by America’s Failsons. So don’t worry.

Meet you on the Lido Deck, SaysWhovia!

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Dan and Maureen have a new home! They just need to legally buy it and move in, but it is theirs. Dan is going to become a Druid and Maureen is going to make food and write spells. 

Why not? 

After all, this week: JD Vance destroyed the hopes of the Hungarian far-right and then tanked talks with Iran while Donald Trump watched a cage match. Donald Trump turned himself into Jesus and decided to fight the Chicago Pope. Then he got McDonald’s fake delivered.

So yeah. We’re all going to the Misty Mountains. Grab a staff, SaysWhovia. It’s time for Magick.

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Dan and Maureen get together on this Wednesday morning (a day later than usual) to break down the important things: Maureen’s new kitchen blind, a planner from Staples, possible nuclear war, mysterious fried chicken smells, the blessed air purifier, a head of FEMA teleporting to a Waffle House, and the power of commenting online.

Considering the week we've all had, it’s actually pretty positive.

Don’t give up, SaysWhovia. Come dance with us. You’ve got the music in you.

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