As any Statistician on a juicy consulting wage from the NRL will tell you, records are made to be invented, and it's with this gusto that our heroes grapple with yet another glorious 'crowd record' declaration issued from Pyongyang. That, alongside the scheduling of a double header to take on the British and Irish Lions tour opener, assures us all the leadership coming from HQ remains- as ever- supreme.

The game is feeling a bit 1998 at the moment, with unlimited tackles AND the reinstated presence of the Bears. A reverent look at Bears past unfolds, as our grizzled heroes pontificate their wisdom, while subtly referencing Wikipedia articles.

Expansion is on the mind and in the gullet, from PNG to Perth, and next (we're pretty sure) the announcement of a team for the league loving province of Daugavpils in Latvia.

Forward passes, high tackles, sin bins and tipping shit shows. Some harsh but fair calls on QLD Origin selections, while Johnny invites fellow male model James O'Connor back into the Wallaby fold- only to be met by a wall of disinterest from Joel, who is pretty sure no one would really bat an eyelid if he became an All Black. Our heroes also briefly mention a few Super rugby scores, amid wide eyed realisations they probably need to watch the games before talking about them.

 And so, we leave you with an ode to the game:

As the whistle blows, and blows and blows and blows

The spectacle known as rugby league gets more on the nose nose nose

But lets not stop PVL and co from making it grow grow grow

From Perth to Port Moresby...soon we’ll have more teams than players to put on a show show show