In this solo episode, I return to James Hillman’s chapter on the puer aeternus and pothos from Loose Ends — and explore how longing may not be a problem to solve, but the very engine of being alive.

Building on Jung’s reflections on the wanderer while moving beyond a mother-centered interpretation of desire, Hillman reframes longing as structural to consciousness itself. I weave his insights together with Lacan’s notion of lack, Jaak Panksepp’s SEEKING system in affective neuroscience, Emmanuel Coccia’s reflections on fear as the death of desire, and even a Rumi quote I strongly disagree with.

This episode is also deeply personal. I reflect on my own journey in therapy, the suspicion of desire within Christian spaces, the demonization of the puer archetype, and why I’m learning to trust longing again — including how erotic pursuit can become a conscious participation in that blue flame rather than a distraction from it.

What if wandering isn’t immaturity?

What if desire isn’t deception?

What if depression is, at least sometimes, the extinguishing of the flame that keeps us reaching?

Not all who wander are lost.