Season 2 Finale! Stalked By The Boogie Man by Siggy Shade. Want to have lakes, firehoses, gardens, brooms, grandmas, and tree sap ruined for you forever? Have we got a criminally entertaining story for you! Who knew jizz could inspire this level of innovation and creativity? Also, we apologize in advance for the time you will spend trying to visualize the monster's dick, but bonus points to anyone who can draw it for us. We're still losing sleep trying to figure this one out.

Bride by Ali Hazelwood. At last, we give you werewolves! A plot this packed with romance and political intrigue requires an episode as oversized as a werewolf alpha's knot. (No, we won't be explaining what that is, but go listen to The Penis Prescription if you have questions.) A displaced vampire finds herself married to the enemy and the banter and slow burn are on point in this read. Annie reveals strong feelings about taking phone calls during sexy times, Jayne gets hot and bothered by some heavy foreplay, and the regrettable puns will flow.

Unhinged by Vera Valentine. Our heroine polishes her door's knob with her special lady garden, because how else do you make him a real boy? Plenty of discussion on sentient inanimate objects as they relate to questions around sexual consent and ethical stalking. Frankly, even your hostesses aren't quite sure how we ended up here, but we have zero regrets and possibly some newly-uncovered kinks. Also, can someone please explain the gray sweatpants fetish?

My Demon Valentine by Aurora Ascher (Book One in the Hell Bent series). The bar may be in hell, but four demon brothers escape that fiery plane to prowl the earth for sexy mortals. In this story, demons AND angels are a bunch of horny bastards, and the sex scenes fill enough pages for a college essay. We ponder the feasibility and merits of sex on hard surfaces (Piano? Countertops? Annie is not on board with the cold - or the blatant gaslighting of the mortal girlfriend.) Pull up your fainting couch and prepare for possession.

Wherein we discuss Prisoner of My Desire by Johanna Lindsey (1991). Trigger warning for a story where consent has left the building, and everybody's traumatized. Annie explains the finer points of trauma bonding, Maude and Jayne ponder the parameters of "dark romance", and we desperately attempt to draw parallels between taboo romance fiction and true crime documentaries so we can all still sleep at night.

Queen Takes Rose by Katee Robert. Changing it up, Annie and Jayne explain this sapphic romance to Maude! Nominally a revamp of Sleeping Beauty (it's a bit of a stretch, but we'll allow it). Not a lot of action, but plenty of "action" (wink-wink), and a master class in responsible domination. Also, at what point does an excessive collection of strap-on dildos actually qualify as hoarding?

The Hooker and the Hermit by L.H. Cosway and Penny Reid. Special guest rugby player Captain Cupcake shares his expertise on the surprisingly erotic sport and Very Manly Opinions on everything from romance and sports fame to the relative heteronormativity of men washing their own asses. We discuss themes of consent, problematic romantic overtures, and surprising (if unlikely) alternative uses for car seat belts. Speaking of which, buckle up once again, friends, and prepare for a wild ride.

Knot Her Goal by Ari Wright (Book one in the MVP: Most Valuable Pack series). Welcome to the Omegaverse! Our heroine is a marketing superstar with an unfortunate medical condition whose only cure is four hot dudes to pamper her in between providing her with a whole lot of dick. A LOT. Oh, and there's, like, trauma processing and stuff.

Stalked By The Kraken by Lillian Lark. At last - TENTACLES! Annie needed a little support for this one, so welcome Guest Therapist "Penny Wise", as we discover new wonders and ask new questions. How many red flags are too many? Is it really stalking if he's just utilizing his professional qualifications? If you cut off an octopus dick, will it grow back? Buckle up, friends. This one is a wild ride.

Wherein we complete the Dirty Mafia Duet with White Knight by Meghan March. Family ties get complicated (is it incest when your half-brother and half-sister hook up even if they don't share parents with each other?) and our heroine - Drew? Memphis? Drewphis? - may have yet another secret identity even SHE didn't know about.