Bodice Tipplers

Banner O'Brien is the worst possible lady doctor in 19th century Washington State, which I guess also makes her the best lady doctor around (but no, she is not good at this doctoring thing.) Adam Corbin is the biggest assholes in 19th century Washington State and he does have plenty of competition. They yell. They slap. They do it, a lot. He's always "plundering" her various underclothes businesses. They keep truly amazing secrets from each other. It's a ride!

She's a pilot and owns her own charter service! He's an actor preparing for a role! Together they are oh my god they are so boring you guys. Welcome to a super short episode of Bodice Tipplers where our luck in series romance runs out! It's got... well, it's got planes. It's got a cute flight suit. It's got a shuttle launch, which you would think would be exciting but don't worry, it isn't. It's got rib-eatin'! It's got getting caught in the rain! And yet.

Welcome to Robin Schone's The Lady's Tutor. She's a wealthy Victorian politician's wife, proper in every way. He's a halfbreed bastard... oh god I can't with this racist book, I just can't. It's about a woman who asks for sex lessons with no lab component, and then she realizes her husband sucks and opts for the lab after all.

Today we have a special treat for you - we got Henry from FireStarters to read Grace Metalious' Peyton Place with us and let me tell you... it's a real Peyton Place in there.

I honestly can't even describe the plot of this book so let me just give you the trigger warnings, I guess? So this book is trying really hard to shock you, which shouldn't shock you - the stuff that isn't intentional in it, therefore, is... more shocking? So on that front look out for rampant 1950's racism that thinks it's progressive including whoa n-word count and awful depictions of mental illness, including a character who dies by suicide. The stuff you're here for, though - the Peyton Place stuff - includes but probably is not limited to because my god: incestuous rape and abuse, secret illegal abortion(s), an industrial carnival accident, a cat strangled in absolutely bizarre circumstances (I mean seriously usually I'm the one freaked out by animal cruelty but the dead cat barely registers it's like that), suicide by hanging, a hard ravishing, and oh yeah a murder.

FireStarters is a podcast dedicated to discussing all the cultural references in Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", and therefore they already did an episode on Peyton Place - but they only watched the movie! Henry had no idea what he was in for.

Meet gentle Lady Madelyne, kidnapped by the studly Baron Duncan! Meet a lot of people whose names we cannot recall! Wonder why "honor" is spelled the American way but "splendour" got that extra u! Thrill to dastardly deeds, "dastardly deeds" if you know what I mean, and last minute court intrigue for no reason! It's Honor's Splendour by Julie Garwood, a special listener request!

We have had all our shots and we are back in the same room so get ready for some seriously overexcited people! (That would be us but it would also be the people in this book.) Fancy Pants by Susan Elizabeth Phillips - she's a British socialite with big "See You Next Tuesday" energy, he's a hot redneck golfer with a self esteem problem, they slap each other in parking lots more than the average couple does! Secret babies! Imaginary Jack Nicklaus! Real Jack Nicklaus! Riches to rags to riches! Found families! The weirdest citizenship ceremony you have ever seen in a book!

We ended up really enjoying this book but the content warnings are not a joke, y'all. It's got dead toddlers, non-custodial kidnapping, sexual assault of underaged girls, a guy you previously liked being a complete monster to a nine year old child, the n-word, 80's homophobia, fat shaming perpetrated by Eva Peron, some ladies who may or may not even be sex workers getting called "semi-hookers"... it is a ride and it is not a particularly safe or sanitary ride. This ride has not been inspected by anybody. Not even that sketchy dude who smokes around the gas cans. Nobody has signed off on this ride and you are getting on it at your own risk. It does, however, have a good heart and real emotional growth in it. It's a lot.

We're back with Martha Waters for her second book, To Love and to Loathe! If you remember, Martha had the unique bad luck to release her first book the week the world ended last year, and it's been so long that she's back with a sequel.

The widowed Diana, Lady Templeton and Jeremy, Marquess of Willingham are infamous among English high society as much for their sharp-tongued bickering as their flirtation. One evening, an argument at a ball turns into a serious wager: Jeremy will marry within the year or Diana will forfeit one hundred pounds. So shortly after, just before a fortnight-long house party at Elderwild, Jeremy's country estate, Diana is shocked when Jeremy appears at her home with a very different kind of proposition.

After his latest mistress unfavorably criticized his skills in the bedroom, Jeremy is looking for reassurance, so he has gone to the only woman he trusts to be totally truthful. He suggests that they embark on a brief affair while at the house party—Jeremy can receive an honest critique of his bedroom skills and widowed Diana can use the gossip to signal to other gentlemen that she is interested in taking a lover.

Diana thinks taking him up on his counter-proposal can only help her win her wager. With her in the bedroom and Jeremy's marriage-minded grandmother, the formidable Dowager Marchioness of Willingham, helping to find suitable matches among the eligible ladies at Elderwild, Diana is confident her victory is assured. But while they're focused on winning wagers, they stand to lose their own hearts.

It's out today, so get it wherever you get your books!

You guys you guys this is it! This is the big one! We are fifty episodes old and we are going BIG! We have gotten so many requests for this one - we read The Thorn Birds, you guys, and we're gonna watch the miniseries (check social media for upcoming details about watching it with us!) and we got a secret guest (spoiler: Courtney's secret brother Nate) all the way from Australia, and of course it was a whole ass thing. We lost Courtney for half of it! It was a beast, but we had a blast and we offer it up to you as our 50-episode birthday present to everyone.

The Thorn Birds is one of those big family sagas they used to love to make a miniseries about. There's a big house. There's a spite will. There's a million characters who mostly don't matter and a million things happen that also mostly don't matter. There's Meggie, only daughter of the most ridiculously sterotypical Irish family to every Irish its way to New Zealand and then Australia. There's Ralph (RALPH!), tormented priest and self-absorbed piece of crap. There's other people who are related to these people but admit it, you're really here for Meggie and Ralph.

You should not read this book if you're sensitive to depictions of grooming (nothing sexual happens between Ralph and Meggie until she is an adult, but they meet when she is a child and he is clearly obsessed with her and behaves in a way that isn't sexualized but is deeply inappropriate), vividly described marital rape, stealthing (!) by a woman, priests breaking their vows... oh and for some reason these people castrate lambs with their teeth? I cannot WAIT for all the furious YouTube comments about how we don't understand that "people were different back then".

You guys. We have done it. We have finally gone so far down the rabbit hole of vintage romance that we have found one that is not on Goodreads. Welcome to The Leopard Tree by Valerie Parv, reigning queen of Australian romance!

There's a UFO! It's Australia! He's a... he's an ex-military rodeo bronco buster and she makes ugly jewelry and has an awful fiancé and she'd like to pretend that he's from outer space but really there's a sad and sordid little crime story! I dunno, all crammed into fewer than 200 pages!

This book does have a kidnapping and threatened rape (although not by the hero) and a disabled character who stops needing his wheelchair because he finally realizes his daughter needs him.

Yooooo, it's a pre-Plum Janet Evanovich! It's got capers and slapstick and... business! Ivan is a schooner captain. Stephanie is an ex-cop, now cute bread and breakfast owner! Tess is maybe a ghost! It's got no major trigger warnings beyond what you'd expect for this sort of madcap comedy business - gggggghosts, cold-ass Maine water, possibly a lie about a shower?, a whole ass town gaslighting this poor woman, bad cooking! I don't want to give anything away but if you're okay with "screwball" including that gaslighting business this is harmless.