Book Retorts

This week Sam begins a deep dive into Larry Niven’s epic sci-fi work Ringworld. Join Danielle as Sam guides her through the amazing journey of Louis Wu, a two-hundred-year-old space adventurer dating the twenty-year-old great-great-granddaughter of an old flame. After delving into some alien sexual practices (which all these classic sci-fi books seem to feel the need to do) Luis, his girlfriend, and two aliens set off to explore a mysterious, massive ring found orbiting a distant star. However, before all that, the book first needs to explain, in great detail, how everything else in the universe works. And boy, is there a lot to cover: eight-foot warrior cat creatures, humans breeding for luck, an alien race of cowards, and gladiatorial battles for reproductive rights. Will Danielle be able to follow all the nonsense Sam is spouting? Probably not, but hopefully you can.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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In this episode Danielle shares a bizarre take on the classic fairy tale with the film Red Riding Hood. If you thought that Red Riding Hood would be improved with the addition of a werewolf and a lackluster love triangle, than have we got a movie for you. While an adult Red Riding Hood descending into paranoia because anyone in her village might be the werewolf terrorizing her is pretty great, it pales in comparison to the crazed werewolf hunter Gary Oldman and his giant iron elephant oven (that was not a typo). There’s not a lot of plot to cover, but the abundance of insanity more than makes up for it. To understand any of this Sam and Danielle could really use the expertise of an astronomer, an anatomist, a cryptozoologist, or really all the help they can get.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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This week Sam shares an animated childhood classic The Point with Danielle. In a land inhabited only by pointy-headed people where everything, by law, must have a point, is born Oblio, a child without a pointy-head. Once Danielle is able to move past the economics of a town based entirely on the creation of pointy things, Oblio is banished to the Pointless Forest for his crime of pointlessness. His dog, Arrow, who is very pointy, is also inexplicably banished. Oblio and Arrow must traverse the forest and learn from its often unhelpful inhabitants how to find his true value (and point). The puns are inescapable, the characters unnervingly unflappable, and the story and music are provided by Harry Nilsson after an acid trip, which explains a lot. Will little Oblio survive the forest and discover if he’s truly pointless? Join us as we try to find our own point on this trippy animated journey.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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Danielle concludes Francine Pascal’s saga of the evil twin with her second Sweet Valley High book: Return of the Evil Twin. One year after the traumatic encounter with their inexplicable doppelgänger, the Wakefield twins prepare to celebrate the new year, still lacking the therapy they so desperately need. However, they are soon beset by the long-lost identical twin sister to the murderous Margo who, against all reason, has decided to try and supplant Jessica as a new Wakefield twin; which is essentially the same scheme her sister failed at a year prior. Will the Wakefield sisters survive this latest crazed lookalike trying to replace them? Will their parents ever help them get much-needed therapy? Most importantly, how many separate identical sets of identical twins are there in this world? The answer to that last question, at least, is clear: More than would seem plausible.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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This week Danielle introduces the Sweet Valley High universe to Sam with the Francine Pascal novel The Evil Twin. Meet Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield, identical twins who are somehow enmeshed in an endless series of ludicrously dramatic events. When the story arc starts with the death of Jessica’s boyfriend in a drunk driving accident with Elizabeth due to Jessica spiking her own sister’s drink as they were competing for prom queen, the introduction of a serial killer doppelgänger seems almost quaint. The unhinged Margo is determined to murder Elizabeth and replace her as the new Elizabeth (manslaughter charges notwithstanding). Will Margo’s dastardly (and ridiculous) plot succeed, or will the twins escape unharmed, except for the bucket-loads of unaddressed trauma? It’s hard to believe there are 181 of these books.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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Sam closes out Shark Week by sharing Jaws: The Revenge, the fourth installment in the Jaws franchise. Follow the Brody family (except Roy Scheider, the one you care about) as they are assailed by a shark determined to take revenge. Revenge for what we’re not exactly sure, possibly to restore shark honor. What we can say for sure is that this movie contains both a probable shark psychic and Michael Caine, and we are so here for it. Also, the shark is clearly better at making plans than the people. So join us for some fun, and blood, in the sun!

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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Danielle kicks-off our Shark Week special with the Australian/Singaporean co-production Bait. When a tsunami strikes, a former lifeguard must face his greatest fear while trapped in a flooded grocery store: his ex-fiancé (oh, and sharks). How do you survive such a deadly situation? Do you sacrifice another person? A small dog? Construct rudimentary shark armor from grocery baskets? The answer is clearly all of the above. So join us for Bait, where the sharks will eat everything in a grocery store except the actual food.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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Sam shares his love for the film Highlander with Danielle, a cult classic from 1986. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a secret race of immortals walked among us? Highlander posits that they spend most of their time popping out of thin air to surprise each other with sword fights as they battle to the death for the fabled prize. Why is this prize worth fighting for? Why do they have to fight to the death? Why are some people born immortal? None of these questions will be answered, but there is a punk-rock hedonist monster called the Kurgan, so we don’t really mind. Join us for Highlander where the rules, and the accents, make no sense, but we do know there can be only one!

Featuring a promo for the science entertainment podcast Petri Dish; find them on Twitter, listen on Anchor.fm.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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Danielle shares the second half of the Korean drama Love Cells (연애세포) and it is pure, concentrated nonsense. If you were confused by how love cells worked, prepare to understand, somehow, even less than before. The (rather perfunctory) love triangle continues while our potential suitors struggle with scandals, kidnapping, and tiger costumes, none of which are as exciting as they sound (except the tiger costume, it’s cute as heck). The fate of the love cell in human (cat?) form hangs in the balance as the show careens towards a conclusion that is as thrilling as it is baffling.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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Danielle shares our first TV show with part one of the Korean drama Love Cells (연애세포). This show teaches important life-lessons, mainly that if you don’t date for long enough your love cells will wither and die. In a last-ditch effort to save themselves, these love cells may even take human form to help fix your dating life. “What’s a love cell,” you ask? Great question.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

For more delightful weirdness, follow us on Bluesky or YouTube.

If you like our content and want more of it, please consider supporting us on Patreon.