Sure, Scottish dudes Macbeth and Macduff murder other people while Celtic dudes Brad Stevens and Gordon Hayward only murder rebounds, or whatever basketball thing would work in that sentence. But which of these tragic duos would be better at helping you find a book in a used bookstore? Join Janelle and Tami as they wander around the Mystery section.

Yeah, we're going there. Somewhere deeper, edgier, and more thought-provoking than ever before... the forest where warrior cats live. Which begs the obvious question: would kittypet-turned-warrior Firepaw or quarterback-turned-controversy Colin Kaepernick plan a better vacation? Come listen to Janelle and Tami figure it out, you smelly old Twoleg. 

If you can't stop thinking about islands these days, chew on this: would island-girl-turned-attic-dweller Bertha Mason or quietest man alive Tim Duncan make a better frozen yogurt sundae? Join Janelle, Tami, and Chef Boyardee as they argue about appropriate toppings, and then use the links below to donate to Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. (Apologies for the poor audio quality. We promise we haven't permanently moved into the world's crackliest tunnel.)

DONATE:

• Tim Duncan's 21 US Virgin Island Relief Fund
• Monica Puig's Help Rebuild Puerto Rico 
• Jorge Posada's Puerto Rico Hurricane Relief Fund
• Hispanic Federation UNIDOS Disaster Relief Fund

Would you rather spend spend seven months surviving blizzards, 60 hours running 100 mountain miles, or over an hour listening to a podcast? Well, you're in luck no matter what. Join Janelle, Tami, prairie goddess Laura Ingalls Wilder, reincarnated soup god and badass Barkley Marathons-er Jared Campbell, PLUS special guests Mike and Ben (from The New Ugly) in this action-packed, 3-challenge showdown. Baaaaaaa.

People who make unfortunate choices: we got 'em in spades in this episode! Would John Updike's tiresome American everyman Harry "Rabbit" Angstrom or too-quirky Michigan football coach Jim Harbaugh make you a better hangover breakfast? Join Janelle and Tami as they have... enough... to drink and try to decide who would best help them recover the next day.

It's about time to plan your end-of-summer grillfest! So, just like every other year, you'll have to decide whether to pick Matilda antagonist-slash-hammerthrower Miss Trunchbull or real life antihero-slash-footballthrower Jay Cutler to be your Labor Day burger chef. Join Janelle and Tami as they put on their brown smocks and yell "I DOOON'T CAAAAAARE." 

CHUNG CHUNG! Hey, this episode of Law and Order gets real weird. First of all, it's in your ears instead of on a television. Second of all, it's actually about figuring out who would be worse at using emojis: We Have Always Lived in the Castle's literary creep-o Mary Katherine Blackwood or inspirational marathoner Kathrine Switzer. Join Janelle and Tami as they thumbs down emoji each other. Also: get your update on Tom Hanks' many upcoming movie projects. 

You’ve probably read about the upcoming, made-for-TV Great White Shark vs. Michael Phelps battle. Well, bite down on this: we’re putting Mikey in the game early! Against a dog, though. For reasons. So... will Jack London’s fierce canine Buck or dolphin-turned-merman Michael Phelps be better at handing out medals to half-marathon finishers? Join Janelle and Tami in the only corner of the Internet where you could possibly hear this extremely specific argument.

What ho, loyal listeners! It's summertime! Who can best celebrate the season by setting off a rousing display of fireworks: the supremely competent and very British Jeeves? Or the supremely confident and very talented basketballster Jimmy Butler? Join Janelle and Tami as they explore the question of the day and suggest several terrible movie ideas. I say!

Finally, a frank discussion around that universal question: How much derek would Derek Jeter jeter if Derek Jeter could jeter dereks? Listen in as Janelle, Tami, and special guests—their dad & stepmom!—figure out whether young fictional Derek Jeter (as featured in books written by New York Times bestselling author Derek Jeter) or real-life baseballer Derek Jeter would be better at taking care of a pair of very needy pugs.