Born to Ramble Podcast

Bonus Episode: Interviewing Otto | A very short interview with my son and dog. 

In this special bonus episode of Born to Ramble, Otto and I test out our new “set” in our first ever primetime interview. 

We discuss life's biggest questions, including:

His favorite book 

His favorite TV show 

Swimming lessons 🏊

Chocolate 🍫

Orange pop 🍊

If you've ever talked to a preschooler, you know conversations rarely go according to plan.

In This Episode

00:00 Welcome to Born to Ramble

00:40 Meet Otto, my first guest ever

01:20 Swimming lessons

02:10 Favorite books

02:45 Sonic vs. Grizzly

03:30 Chocolate is the best food

04:00 Signing off, Sir

About Born to Ramble

Born to Ramble podcast features audio essays and stories by me, Nikki Settelmeyer, and others. I love creative non-fiction, memoir, and hilarious real stories with a sprinkling of tragedy. Special episodes delve into the “Craft of Writing.” I love writing and I love talking about it. I love talking. #voice

“Hosted by writer, children's author, and creative writing instructor Nikki Settelmeyer, each episode explores the funny, messy, and meaningful moments that make up everyday life—from corporate burnout and midlife reinvention to parenting adventures and the stories hiding in ordinary moments.” –Anonymous

Subscribe to Born to Ramble

If you enjoy stories about writing, l-i-v-i-n-g, (geriatric) parenting, creativity, books, and starting over, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode of Born to Ramble. I'm over here failing fast and the momentum's got me excited.

The Born to Ramble newsletter comes out every Thursday at 11:00, and podcast episodes are released each Saturday at 12:07pm ♥️ YouTube Reels and TikTok shorts every day ♥️

Connect with Nikki

✍️ Writer

🎙️ Host of Born to Ramble

Subscribe on Substack for essays, behind-the-scenes writing updates, podcast episodes, and plenty of stories

I Worked at a Chinese Restaurant in the '90s | Plus THE JOB REPORT Job Hunting & The Shangri-La

What do a 66-minute job assessment, getting rejected from a lunch lady position, and a Chinese restaurant in North Dakota have in common?

Apparently...my life.

In this episode of Born to Ramble, I'm introducing a new recurring segment called “The Job Report”, where I'll share the ridiculous realities of job hunting after being laid off—including bizarre hiring assessments, unrealistic salaries, and the increasingly surreal job market.

Then we travel back to 1997, when I worked as a hostess at the Shangri-La Chinese Restaurant in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Between secret boyfriends, unforgettable coworkers, neverending delivery orders, sweet and sour chicken, dolphin ankle tattoos, and one unforgettable convenience store "robbery," this may have been the most entertaining job I've ever had.

If you love funny true stories, nostalgic 90s memories, restaurant chaos, memoir-style storytelling, and laughing through life's absurd moments, you're in the right place.

In this episode:

* The launch of "The Job Report"

* Ridiculous modern hiring practices

* Why job hunting in 2026 feels impossible

* Life as a teenage hostess in the 1990s

* Funny restaurant coworkers I'll never forget

* Sweet & sour chicken, Seinfeld, and secret romances

* One prank that became legendary

If you've ever worked in a restaurant, survived retail, or wondered how hiring became this ridiculous, you'll probably see yourself somewhere in this story.

🎙️ Subscribe for new episodes of Born to Ramble, where stories, humor, nostalgia, and everyday life collide.

#storytelling #podcast #funnystories #restaurantstories #jobsearch #90snostalgia

About Born to Ramble

Born to Ramble podcast features audio essays and stories by me, Nikki Settelmeyer, and others. I love creative non-fiction, memoir, and hilarious real stories with a sprinkling of tragedy. Special episodes delve into the “Craft of Writing.” I love writing and I love talking about it. I love talking. #voice

“Hosted by writer, children's author, and creative writing instructor Nikki Settelmeyer, each episode explores the funny, messy, and meaningful moments that make up everyday life—from corporate burnout and midlife reinvention to parenting adventures and the stories hiding in ordinary moments.” –Anonymous

Subscribe to Born to Ramble

If you enjoy stories about writing, l-i-v-i-n-g, (geriatric) parenting, creativity, books, and starting over, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode of Born to Ramble. I'm over here failing fast and the momentum's got me excited.

The Born to Ramble newsletter comes out every Thursday at 11:00, and podcast episodes are released each Saturday at 12:07pm ♥️ YouTube Reels and TikTok shorts every day ♥️

Connect with Nikki

✍️ Writer

🎙️ Host of Born to Ramble

Subscribe on Substack for essays, behind-the-scenes writing updates, podcast episodes, and plenty of stories

Please enjoy this fiction short story about the hell that offices have become and the pissing contest of who can be the sickest and still work.

Worked to Death: A Skeleton Walks into the Office and Hits It Outta the Park 💀

What happens when a company expects more from its employees than they expect from the dead?

In this episode of Born to Ramble, Nikki shares one of her favorite original short stories—a dark workplace satire that may or may not be actually satirical cuz I’m pretty sure I actually worked at this company, minus the corpse. This story explores “hustle culture,” burnout, impossible expectations, and the moment you realize your job might actually be trying to kill you.

Meet Jim: sick as a dog, armed with chicken noodle soup, Emergen-C, and a lunchbox lovingly packed by his wife. He drags himself into work only to discover that a coworker has literally died... and somehow manages to lead the client presentation.

If you've ever:

* Worked while sick because you felt guilty calling in

* Had a boss who cared more about spreadsheets than people

* Laughed to keep from crying during corporate meetings

* Wondered if "work-life balance" is just an urban legend

...this story is for you.

Before the story, Nikki also shares a few life updates, including:

🎉 The *Born to Ramble Shop** is officially open!

* 🤓 Her surprisingly effective fake glasses.

* 🧌 Why getting her first internet trolls feels like a podcasting milestone.

* 🐵 A grammar lesson inspired by someone who couldn't spell "dying."

This episode is equal parts storytelling, sarcasm, and corporate trauma recovery.

## Read the Story

Prefer to read along? You can find the complete short story on the Born to Ramble Substack:

"A Skeleton Walks into the Office and Hits It Outta the Park."

Support Born to Ramble

Love cynical humor, funny stories, and original writing?

Check out the Born to Ramble Shop for sarcastic T-shirts, gifts, and upcoming Mommy & Me designs that are just weird enough to start conversations.

If you enjoyed this episode:

* ⭐ Follow the podcast.

* ❤️ Leave a rating or review.

* 📤 Share it with the coworker who's one email away from becoming a skeleton.

Thanks for listening—and remember: your employer can replace your position, but your family can't replace you.

The original written version is here: Worked to Death

Thank you for tuning in! To read the original story, please visit https://borntoramble.substack.com/p/14-emerald-grill

Born to Ramble

Class A French Fries & The Ketchup Catastrophe | Surviving the Worst Restaurant Job Ever

Episode Description

Have you ever had a job so ridiculous that years later it still feels like a fever dream?

In this episode of Born to Ramble, I take you back to my days waiting tables at the Emerald Grill, a diner somewhere between a truck stop and a small-town institution. It was the kind of place where the cook disappeared into the walk-in cooler, the dishwasher asked me for roast beef sandwiches every ten minutes, customers believed french fries came in quality rankings, and I somehow ended my shift covered head-to-toe in ketchup.

What begins as a simple Sunday night shift quickly spirals into complete chaos thanks to:

A customer demanding "Class A French Fries."

A cook having an existential crisis after a breakup.

A senior discount showdown.

A three-gallon bag of ketchup with terrible timing.

One very memorable decision to walk out...and never return.

If you've ever worked in food service, retail, or customer service, you'll probably recognize a little bit of yourself in this story. If you haven't, consider this your warning.

In This Episode

🍟 The customer who insisted the fries weren't "Class A"

👩‍🍳 Life behind the scenes at a truck stop

😳 How restaurant jobs can push people to the brink of insantiy

🥫 The infamous ketchup explosion

🤣 The coworkers you could only find in food service

🚪 The shift that ended with me walking out for good

✍️ Why terrible jobs often become our best stories

Memorable Moments

"These are Class B french fries."

"I'm losing my mind, Wade."

"The guy out there can help himself with our Class B fries."

"I got in my car and never went back to the Emerald Grill."

About Born to Ramble

Born to Ramble is a storytelling podcast where memoir meets humor, nostalgia, and the wonderfully absurd moments that shape our lives.

Hosted by writer, children's author, and creative writing instructor Nikki Settelmeyer, each episode features original essays about growing up in the Midwest, terrible jobs, motherhood, corporate burnout, books, reality TV, and the unexpected stories hiding in everyday life.

Because everything is a story waiting to be written.

Read the Original Story

This episode is a reading of my short story, Class A French Fries and the Ketchup Catastrophe originally published on Born to Ramble on Substack. If you enjoy listening, you'll love reading the full story and exploring more humorous memoirs and creative nonfiction.

About Born to Ramble

Born to Ramble podcast features audio essays and stories by me, Nikki Settelmeyer, and others. I love creative non-fiction, memoir, and hilarious real stories with a sprinkling of tragedy. Special episodes delve into the “Craft of Writing.” I love writing and I love talking about it. I love talking. #voice

“Hosted by writer, children's author, and creative writing instructor Nikki Settelmeyer, each episode explores the funny, messy, and meaningful moments that make up everyday life—from corporate burnout and midlife reinvention to parenting adventures and the stories hiding in ordinary moments.” –Anonymous

Subscribe to Born to Ramble

If you enjoy stories about writing, l-i-v-i-n-g, (geriatric) parenting, creativity, books, and starting over, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode of Born to Ramble. I'm over here failing fast and the momentum's got me excited.

The Born to Ramble newsletter comes out every Thursday at 11:00, and podcast episodes are released each Saturday at 12:07pm ♥️ YouTube Reels and TikTok shorts every day ♥️

Connect with Nikki

✍️ Writer

🎙️ Host of Born to Ramble

Subscribe on Substack for essays, behind-the-scenes writing updates, podcast episodes, and plenty of stories

Thank you for tuning in! If you’d like to read the original post, visit Born to Ramble!

In This Episode

🧀 Growing up in a Velveeta-only household

📺 The unforgettable Velveeta + salsa commercials of the 1990s

🤣 Why cutting Velveeta with a knife is basically impossible

🥣 Pregnancy cravings and the return of Velveeta Rotel dip

💔 When nostalgia doesn't live up to the memory

🌹 Why I rewrote this story after learning more about The Bachelor

Things Mentioned

Velveeta

Rotel

The Bachelor

Love Trapped podcast

Childhood nostalgia

Memoir writing

Creative nonfiction

Pregnancy cravings

Midwestern comfort food

About Born to Ramble

Born to Ramble podcast features audio essays and stories by me, Nikki Settelmeyer, and others. I love creative non-fiction, memoir, and hilarious real stories with a sprinkling of tragedy. Special episodes delve into the “Craft of Writing.” I love writing and I love talking about it. I love talking. #voice

“Hosted by writer, children's author, and creative writing instructor Nikki Settelmeyer, each episode explores the funny, messy, and meaningful moments that make up everyday life—from corporate burnout and midlife reinvention to parenting adventures and the stories hiding in ordinary moments.” –Anonymous

Subscribe to Born to Ramble

If you enjoy stories about writing, l-i-v-i-n-g, (geriatric) parenting, creativity, books, and starting over, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode of Born to Ramble. I'm over here failing fast and the momentum's got me excited.

The Born to Ramble newsletter comes out every Thursday at 11:00, and podcast episodes are released each Saturday at 12:07pm ♥️ YouTube Reels and TikTok shorts every day ♥️

Connect with Nikki

✍️ Writer

🎙️ Host of Born to Ramble

Subscribe on Substack for essays, behind-the-scenes writing updates, podcast episodes, and plenty of stories

Thank you for tuning in! If you’d like to read the original excerpt, check out Born to Ramble

A Series of Disappointments: Dating After 30 | Why Every First Date Became a Story

Episode Description

Dating in your 20s is fueled by optimism. Dating in your 30s? It's more like conducting a series of increasingly bizarre social experiments.

In this episode of Born to Ramble, I read an excerpt from my memoir-in-progress, Neverwife, about navigating the wonderfully weird world of dating after 30. 

From a charming nomad who lived in a Prius and proudly admitted to stealing from Walmart, to a former wrestler convinced he was the next Bon Jovi, to the man whose chip-eating technique sent me running out of a Mexican restaurant, these are the stories that made me laugh long after the dates were over.

Beneath the humor is a reflection on how our expectations of love evolve with age, how experience changes attraction, and why sometimes the best thing to come from dating is a really good story.

If you've ever survived online dating, questioned your life choices halfway through dinner, or wondered if you'll ever meet someone who doesn't have a glaring red flag, this episode is for you.

In This Episode

❤️ Why dating feels completely different after 30

🚗 Meeting a man who lived in a converted Prius during the pandemic

🛒 The date who proudly confessed to shoplifting from Walmart

🎸 A former indie wrestler's unforgettable guitar performance

🐍 The first date that ended because of...the way someone ate tortilla chips

😂 Why bad dates make the best memoir material

Memorable Moments

"By the time I hit my 30s, choosing a lifelong partner seemed obscene."

"Dating after 30 is bringing your history of disappointments to P.F. Chang's."

"I bought him his own loofah before our first date."

"You're so hot...but you're so bad."

"The older I got, the more intolerable the little things became."

About Born to Ramble

Born to Ramble podcast features audio essays and stories by me, Nikki Settelmeyer, and others. I love creative non-fiction, memoir, and hilarious real stories with a sprinkling of tragedy. Special episodes delve into the “Craft of Writing.” I love writing and I love talking about it. I love talking. #voice

“Hosted by writer, children's author, and creative writing instructor Nikki Settelmeyer, each episode explores the funny, messy, and meaningful moments that make up everyday life—from corporate burnout and midlife reinvention to parenting adventures and the stories hiding in ordinary moments.” –Anonymous

Subscribe to Born to Ramble

If you enjoy stories about writing, l-i-v-i-n-g, (geriatric) parenting, creativity, books, and starting over, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode of Born to Ramble. I'm over here failing fast and the momentum's got me excited.

The Born to Ramble newsletter comes out every Thursday at 11:00, and podcast episodes are released each Saturday at 12:07pm ♥️ YouTube Reels and TikTok shorts every day ♥️

Connect with Nikki

✍️ Writer

🎙️ Host of Born to Ramble

Subscribe on Substack for essays, behind-the-scenes writing updates, podcast episodes, and plenty of stories

#BornToRamble #DatingAfter30 #OnlineDating #NeverWife #Memoir #CreativeNonfiction #FunnyStories #Storytelling #DatingDisasters #WomenWhoWrite #Substack #AuthorLife #Podcast #Humor #ModernDating

SUBWAY: The Black Olive Rebellion 🫒🥪

Remember when Subway carved a little canoe into the bread? When sandwich artists handed out stamps for free sandwiches because life was worth living? 

Yeah... me too.

In this episode of Born to Ramble, I tell the completely true story of my brief but unforgettable “career” as a Subway sandwich artist in the early 2000s. (Remember, they claimed you had to graduate from Subway University so I feel comfortable calling this a “career.”) It was a simpler time—before the bread-cutting changed, before the black olive rationing, and before “middle management” was synonymous with kill-joy.

From my revolving door of coworkers named Debbie (both of them) to a mandatory Saturday morning meeting entirely devoted to the ALARMING overuse of black olives, this story has everything:

* 🥪 Early-2000s Subway nostalgia

* 🫒 The Great Black Olive Crackdown

* 😈 A manager who took olives way too seriously

* ✍️ Petty workplace rebellion

* 😂 Fast-food memories you'll probably relate to

This isn't a story with a life lesson.

It's a story about black olives, terrible bosses, questionable workplace decisions, and the tiny acts of rebellion that make surviving your first jobs a little more fun.

If you've ever worked retail, fast food, or customer service, you'll probably recognize a Stacy or two.

In This Episode

* Why I still love the Subway Cold Cut Combo

* The original Subway bread-cutting method (RIP)

* How I accidentally became a sandwich artist

* The infamous mandatory "black olive meeting"

* Why I refused to ration olives

* The mystery of whatever happened to the generous sandwich artist

* My final act of workplace defiance

Read the print version 

If you enjoy funny personal essays, nostalgic stories, and observations about the absurdity of everyday life, subscribe to Born to Ramble on Substack for more original writing.

Enjoying the Show?

If this episode made you laugh:

* ⭐ Follow Born to Ramble wherever you listen.

* 💬 Leave a review—it really helps more people discover the show.

* 📤 Share this episode with the friend who always asks for "extra olives."

And if you worked at Subway in the 1990s or early 2000s...

I need to know.

Were your olives rationed too?

Never Trust a Badger: Reviewing A Bargain for Frances (and Why Thelma Was the Worst) 🫖📚

Did A Bargain for Frances shape your trust issues... or was that just me?

In this episode of Born to Ramble, Nikki revisits one of her favorite childhood books, A Bargain for Frances by Russell Hoban.

What once seemed like a simple story about friendship and sharing now looks more like a master class in manipulation, buyer's remorse, and learning exactly which friends you should never lend your favorite things to.

Because let's be honest...

Thelma was kind of the worst.

In This Episode

* 📖 A nostalgic review of A Bargain for Frances

* 🫖 Why the china tea set was always the obvious choice

* 🦡 Thelma's questionable friendship tactics

* 💸 How childhood books teach us lessons we don't fully appreciate until we're adults

* 😂 Nikki's hilarious, slightly unhinged take on one of the most memorable children's books of all time

Along the way, Nikki argues that the official moral of the story completely misses the point.

Instead, she offers two life lessons she wishes the book had taught:

* Never let someone talk you out of what you really want.

* Never trust someone who manipulates you into taking their leftovers.

About A Bargain for Frances

Originally written by Russell Hoban and illustrated by Lillian Hoban, A Bargain for Frances has been a beloved children's classic for generations. Featuring Frances the thoughtful badger and her mischievous friend Thelma, the story explores friendship, persuasion, and learning from mistakes—though Nikki has a few notes about that ending.

Why You'll Love This Episode

If you enjoy:

* Funny book reviews

* Children's book nostalgia

* Humorous memoir and storytelling

* Overthinking classic literature

* Sarcastic observations about everyday life

* Cozy conversations that go completely off the rails

...this episode is for you.

Follow Born to Ramble

Born to Ramble is a storytelling podcast where writer Nikki Settelmeyer shares funny personal essays, nostalgic memories, book reviews, original fiction, and observations about the wonderfully absurd parts of everyday life.

If you enjoyed this episode:

* ⭐ Follow the podcast so you never miss a story.

* 💬 Leave a review if you laughed (or if you also distrusted Thelma as a child).

* 📤 Share this episode with someone whose favorite childhood book deserves a second look.

Read the original written review 

Thanks for listening—and remember:

Friends may come and go...

…but a china tea set is forever.