Moses tells the assembled crowd that their relationship with God is totally exclusive, whether they like it or not – and it’s going to involve open-heart surgery, whether they like it or not! He then announces that it’s his birthday, and because he can’t “go out and come in” like he used to (ahem), he’s officially going to pass the torch to Joshua. At the inauguration ceremony, God springs one last surprise on Moses: He has to write a catchy banjo tune to finally help the Israelites remember that God will smite all of their sorry asses if they worship other gods. (Deuteronomy 29:9-31:30)

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