BOUT THE BENJAMIN

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“Let’s talk about why I don’t talk about politics!” is the 8th episode of the Bout the Benjamin Podcast. I felt that this episode was important to air seeing that today is MLK today and this is also an election year. This is an important topic for us to begin to engage, and this is the first of several episodes in which I intend to address it.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/XYCmWlmFRis

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Watch on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/MKK-BEAYRp0

“The Hope You Need for the Change You Want” is the 7th episode of the Bout the Benjamin Podcast. The central theme of this episode is that the new year provides us with a new opportunity to experience hope, and hope is the indispensable prerequisite for change. You cannot make any changes in your life if you don’t have hope! This episode will give you three keys for finding the hope that you need to make the change that you want.

Transcript:

It’s not as difficult as you think it is. Just start again. You messed up your diet? Start again. You don’t have to start over. Just start again. You don’t have to start from the beginning. Just start again. Just continue. Just continue. Just continue and continue to continue and then continue to continue to continue. Sometimes the way forward just requires that you move forward.

Welcome to the ‘Bout the Benjamin podcast. The podcast devoted to the concepts of identity, creativity, and destiny and how to find yours. Today’s episode is the first episode of the year and in it I provide three insights for finding the hope you need to make the change that you desire to make in 2024. If you’re ready, then let’s go!

Today is January 1st, 2024. It’s a new day. It’s a new week. It’s a new month and it’s a new year. And all of those things are important to us as human beings. First day of the week, Monday. First day of the month, the first. First day in a new year, January 1st. All of those things are important to us as human beings. Why? Because the first of anything provides us with, even if an arbitrary reason, provides us with a reason to hope. We are desperate for a reason to hope again. A clean slate. An opportunity to give it another try. To give it another go. We’re desperate for a reason to believe that we can try again. That we don’t have to accept the failures of our past. That we’re not defined by the failures of our past. That we can actually create a future that is better than, that transcends the mediocrity of our past. So we have constructed this system of new beginnings. Every week it begins again. Every week, every month, every year. Now, most of us have disappointed ourselves so many times that we’re disillusioned with the whole cycle of newness. You say, ‘What’s the point? What’s the point of even setting New Year’s resolutions? I never live up to them.’ No. There is a point. There still remains a point to it. The point is that you’re not designed to live without hope. And the moment you stop trying, the moment you stop setting resolutions, the moment you stop taking another stab at it, the moment you stop getting up when you’ve been knocked down, and you start to live without hope, you start to quietly resign. At that moment, you start to die. You start to surrender to death. And you begin to live a life that you were not designed to live. You were not designed to live without hope. And when you begin to live your life without hope, all of your relationships suffer. But most importantly, your relationship with yourself suffers.

Now, Jesus said something very, very important. He said, ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’ The moment you begin to live without hope, you lose your love for yourself. And the moment you lose your love for yourself, you become incapable of loving God and incapable of loving others as well. And so, God has hardwired it into our very nature to long for hope, to thirst for hope. And thus, that longing has inspired us to craft this intricate system of new beginnings that we call the calendar. Now, I’m going to give you three things to inspire you for this new year. Three things. Not quite sure what the three things are yet, but I know that if I say three things, the three things will manifest, and I’ll know when I’ve said them. I know that I have something important to say tonight, and I could not let the day end without saying it.

So, number one, first thing I’ll say is, it is more important to live towards something than to live away from something. What does that mean? It means that it is more important to set your new year’s resolution on who you are becoming rather than who you are striving not to become. You know, I talk to a lot of people who say things like, ‘I just don’t want to become like my dad,’ or ‘I just don’t want to become like my mom,’ or ‘I just don’t want to become like my uncle,’ or ‘I don’t want to become like my brother,’ or ‘I don’t want to become like my teacher.’ That type of language betrays a particular kind of mindset that is negative. You’re running from something. You’re trying not to become something. And when you’re trying not to become something, it means you’re running from something. It’s a mindset that is fear-based. And when you’re trying not to become something, you inadvertently become the very thing that you’re trying not to be.

And so, if your whole mindset is set on trying not to become something, you’ve set a trap for yourself, you’re running for your life, and you’re going to be running for the rest of your life. What’s more important for you is to determine who it is that you’re seeking to become or what it is that you’re seeking to become. What kind of person do you wish to be? First of all, what is your vision? And then secondly, what are your values? Because your values are the means by which you affirm and support your vision. And then thirdly, what are your vices? Because your vices are those things which threaten your vision. So, you must become aware of who it is that you are seeking to become rather than who it is that you’re seeking not to become. So, that’s the first thing. The first thing is set your resolution this year, but make sure that it is a positive affirmation. I will be this rather than I will not be this. I will do this rather than I will not do this.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are things that we need to be clear about. I’m going to stop this. I’m going to avoid this. This is something that has to change in my life. We must be clear about those things. But if you’re not clear about what it is that is to replace the thing that you’re seeking to avoid, then you’re simply running from something and you don’t know what it is that you’re running to. And so, you must be clear not only about what you’re running from, you must be more clear about what it is that you’re running to than you are about what it is that you’re running from. So, that’s number one. Number one is live towards something rather than away from something. Stop running. Stop running.

Second thing I’ll say is that your greatest power is forgiveness. Your greatest power is forgiveness. Forgiveness. You see, one of the things that has held you back, perhaps the primary thing that has held you back. Is the memory of what’s been done to you. I don’t say that in a way that belittles what was done to you. Because what was done to you, I’m sure, was probably severe. All of us have trauma. All of us have childhood traumas. All of us have trauma. All of us have trauma. All of us have trauma. All of us have trauma. All of us have trauma. All of us have childhood trauma. Every single one of us. And I would in no way, shape or form seek to belittle, demean, or lessen the severity of what was done to you. Forgiveness, however, is one of the most misunderstood virtues in our culture. Because the way we forgive, the way we tend to forgive is powerless and ineffective. Think about it. If you say to your friend, “Oh man, sorry about that.” What’s the natural response? “Ah, don’t worry about it.” “Ah, no big deal.” That’s the way we forgive in our cultures. We tend to say, “Don’t worry about it. No big deal.” Forgiveness tends to mean to us that I am making the decision not to make a big deal out of the thing that you did. But that is not the true nature of forgiveness.

The true nature of forgiveness actually begins with a full acknowledgement of what has been done. In order to fully forgive anyone, you must first fully acknowledge what they’ve done to you. But secondly, and this is the bigger piece, once you fully acknowledged it, now you can fully release the person. Now, when I fully release a person, full forgiveness, it is not the same thing as reconciliation. When someone has cut you deep, forgiving them does not mean that you have to go back to hanging out with them every day or having long talks with them on the phone. It doesn’t mean you have to go back to the prior nature of your relationship, especially if that person has not changed. If that person demonstrates no change in character, the most important thing you can do is set some boundaries to make sure for that person’s protection as well, because that person can’t seem to stop sinning against you and others. So you cannot go back to the relationship in its previous capacity. But what you can do is release that person from your heart. And what you’re doing is releasing the poison of bitterness from your heart so that it doesn’t damage you. Because here’s the thing you say, well, that person’s not going to hurt me anymore. If you hold them in your heart and refuse to forgive them, they continue to hurt them. It is the unwillingness to forgive that provides that person with the power to continue to hurt you.

Forgiveness takes away their power to hurt you. Forgiveness, the moment forgiveness transpires, the person has no more power to hurt you because you’ve released them. You’ve let them go. I’ve released you. That’s really what the word forgive means. It means to send forth. I’ve sent you forth. I’ve put all of that bitterness out of me, all of the bitterness and the vengeance, all of the anger and the grief, I’ve sent it forth. However, the final piece about forgiveness that we must understand is that forgiveness is a journey. And we don’t like this part because we think that forgiveness should be once and for all. Let me say, especially when it regards deep, deep pain, only God can forgive once and for all. Only God has the power of full and instantaneous forgiveness. Only God can forgive and forget. Only God. But what tends to happen with us is even if you have, even if I have a moment of genuine forgiveness, that pain will come back. That anger will come back. That bitterness even will come back.

The question is, how do I deal with it and how do I process it properly in the moment when it returns? And here’s what I do not do is I do not repress it. I do not rebuke it. I do not command it to leave. I do not demonize it. That’s not how you forgive. You don’t forgive by running from your anger or your bitterness. Remember, it’s not what you’re trying not to do. It’s what you’re trying to do. And you’re not trying not to be unforgiving. You’re trying to be forgiving, which means you have to stop running and open the door and welcome it. Come on in. Oh, anger. You’re here. Come on in. Bitterness. You’re here. Come on in. Sorrow, grief. You’re here. Come on in. I welcome you in. And welcome the right. Come on into the living room of my house. Sit down. Oh, but I’ve got another guest here that I’d like to introduce you. Jesus, come on in here. And I’m bringing all of you into the presence of Jesus. This is what the book of Psalms is all about. As David, he welcomed all of his emotions in. He did not push any of his emotions. When he felt anger, he brought his anger right into the living room of his soul. When he felt grief, he brought his grief right into the living room of his soul. When he felt anguish, when he felt fear, when he felt unbelief, he brought it right into the living room of his soul. But then he invited those things right into the presence of Jesus, right over the presence of God, the presence of the father. And said, my God, my, he brought them to God. That’s what the book of Psalms is all about. And so when I feel that, okay, come on in. Oh, bitterness, you’re back. Come on in, bitterness. Why? Because I know I can’t fight bitterness by myself. I’m not strong enough to hold the door shut long at a certain point. Bitterness will overpower me and knock the door down and come take over my house.

So I learned a long time ago that I cannot by my own power, resist bitterness. But you know what I can do is bring bitterness to Jesus. And that little boy in me, that’s bitter. I can bring that little boy to Jesus because what happens is it’s that little boy in me. That’s bitter. That little boy in me. That’s sad. That little boy in me. That’s angry. The little boy in me that’s scared. If I lock bitterness out, if I lock that fear out, if I lock that sorrow out, I’m locking out that little boy too. So I welcomed them in because I’m trying to rescue the little boy. I bring them into the presence of Jesus. And for that moment, he takes away the bitterness and he takes away the sorrow and he wipes the tears and he redeems the little boy. And I’m whole again. And I welcome those parts of me back into myself and I’m whole again. And you know what happens is I have to go through that again and again and again and again and again, sometimes for years. Each moment is an act of forgiveness. I forgave again. Sometimes I got to forgive the same person again and again and again. But as many times as I have to do it, I’ll do it. Because every time I go through that process of forgiving, forgiving, forgiving, forgiving, forgiving, forgiving, whatever it is that that unforgiveness was hindering me from doing or from being, I find new freedom. You can’t stop me anymore. You can’t stop me anymore, which also means I just lost my excuses. I just lost my excuses. That’s powerful. That’s powerful.

And the last thing I’ll say about forgiveness is this. At the end of the day, only God can forgive. And we can only forgive by his power. We can only forgive by his power. At the end of the day, my forgiveness is empty and powerless, but God’s forgiveness is all powerful. It means everything. So what do I do in the agony of my soul when I lack the power of forgiveness, but I know I need to? What most of us do is we feel ashamed and we run from God in our shame. Jesus had a moment like that on the cross. And what did he do? He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” That’s how he released himself from the agony of his soul. I go through that process. Whenever I feel that moment come upon me and my soul is in agony and I know I need to forgive, that becomes my meditation. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” I pray that prayer. I meditate on that until I enter into the forgiveness of the Father. And I begin to experience the Father’s forgiveness on my behalf. And suddenly I have forgiven and I’m free. That’s powerful, isn’t it? That’s very powerful. That’s very powerful. So that’s two. Number one, live towards instead of away from. Number two, forgiveness is your most powerful virtue.

And number three, this is the last one I’ll give you tonight. Set for yourself a high standard. We must be intentional about the standard that we set for ourselves. Don’t wait for someone else to set a standard for you. Set a standard for yourself. This should be at the core of your resolutions for the year. I will set a higher standard for myself. I will set a higher standard of holiness, of health, and of excellence. And everything that I do, I will set for myself the highest standard. Set a higher standard for yourself, which means that you must expect more from yourself. You know, we live so much of our lives trying to please others, trying to get the respect of others. We don’t stop to ask ourselves, “What about respecting myself? What will I do if I’ve lost respect for myself?” This is one of the worst states that I can ever be in. It’s the state of the loss of self-respect, where I don’t trust myself. I don’t value myself anymore. I don’t believe in myself anymore.

Now, I know that terminology sounds humanistic, and there’s a context in which it is, but not the context in which I’m speaking. Self-respect, when I’m talking about self-respect, it means that I can count on myself to live according to the values that I have set for myself. That I can count on myself to do what I say I’m going to do, to follow through on my commitments. That I can count on myself that I don’t give up, that I don’t quit. Listen, you got to give God something to bless. You got to give God something to bless.

So many of us feel like failures when we are not. In fact, we are not worthy of the term. Failure is a respectable term, because to be a failure means that you have tried with all of your might to do something, and it has not worked. That is respectable. It is a respectable state. Failure is a respectable state. What is not respectable is quitter. Quitter is when I simply have quit in the premature anticipation of failure. The premature anticipation of failure, that’s what a quitter is. I just figured, “Ah, what’s it worth?” And I just quit. I stopped. That’s why the theme for 2024 for the Bout the Benjamin podcast is going to be continue.

Remember, when I launched this podcast, the theme was for the first season, just start. Just start. And if you look back on the six episodes that I released, it was all about people who just started. And I tried to model that by just starting my podcast. But I just couldn’t continue my podcast. Well, the theme for this year is just continue. Just continue. Just keep going. And so my theme for the year, my personal theme for the year, my personal goal, my New Year’s resolution is to viciously and aggressively attack the mindset of failure that causes me to prematurely assume that I failed at something and thus become inconsistent. I’ve quit some good things, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve not quit some important things too. The things in my life that I’ve been able to accomplish, I’ve been able to accomplish them because I didn’t quit them. That’s great. I’ve had some epic failures in my life too. Tried to get a PhD. But the one thing I can say about my PhD is I failed. I didn’t quit. I failed. I didn’t give up. I kept going till they put me out. Finished the coursework, passed the comprehensive exams, was two and a half years into my dissertation, and they put me out. That means I failed. At least I didn’t quit. But there’s a number of other things that I quit.

But here’s the beautiful thing. When you recognize that you quit something prematurely, you know what you can do? You can just continue. You can just start again. And that’s what I’m doing with About the Benjamin Podcast, Effective Today. I’m just starting again. I mean, literally, it’s as simple as just hit record and start again. Just hit the button and start again. Sometimes it’s just it feels like a big thing. It feels like a complex thing. It feels like a difficult thing. It’s not as difficult as you think it is. Just start again. You messed up your diet, start again. You don’t have to start over, just start again. You don’t have to start from the beginning, just start again. You don’t have to re-strategize, regroup, re-plan, re-organize all of the things that you think you need to do. Just continue. Just continue. Just continue and continue to continue and then continue to continue to continue. Sometimes the way forward just requires that you move forward. And so this is a new day, a new beginning. First day of a new week. First day of a new month. First day of a new year. Monday, January 1st, 2024. And my word for you for the year is just continue. And how do you just continue? Number one, live forward. Live towards something, not away from something. Number two, forgiveness is your most powerful virtue. And number three, what was the third thing? Whatever it was, you heard it. It’s in there.

Thanks for listening. God bless you and happy new year.

This is one of those stories that just seems unreal, and in fact there is so much back-story to this one that it demands another episode in the future. But the story you will hear here will inspire you to the depths of your heart. Sliver Pizzeria has become a staple of the Berkeley food scene. But how did it come to be? Listen to this episode, and find out.

My special guest for today’s episode is first time writer/director Rachael Daniels, who’s new short film, Pruitt&Igoe made its debut at the Screamfest Film Festival in Los Angeles last Sunday. What makes Rachael’s story unique is that it is not her story alone, but the story of a family that saw the value of what one of its members had written and came together to champion her creative gift. In the process, every member of the family discovered that they had a significant contribution to make to the final product, and in the end they made a movie together. 

Making a movie is something that a lot of us might think we would love to do, but just feels so out of reach. The prospect of doing so felt out of reach to Rachael too, but the faith of her family made it reachable. 

This episode invites us to reflect on the gifts that are in our own households, in ourselves and in the members of our family. What would happen if you discovered the value of what is in you, or in the members of your family? What could you create together?

There’s a fine line between persistence and obstinance. While persistence is the refusal to give up, obstinance is the failure to pivot, and most of the time we fail to pivot not because of a conviction that we are on the right course, but because we are simply afraid of change.

My guest today is Brian Douglas, aka BDougie, the artist formerly known as the Beyonce of GitHub. He is the founder and CEO of tech startup OpenSauced, an open source intelligence platform that empowers developers to contribute to open source projects. But had Brian not made a crucial decision to pivot at a critical point in his career, not only would his dreams have failed to come to pass, but he would never have found the inspiration to dream them at all.

And as you listen, you might just arrive at the conclusion that some of your wildest dreams are simply one pivot away from your current position.

Everyone who has big dreams and the courage to pursue them experiences big disappointment, typically early in the journey. But what sets some apart is the ability to keep pressing forward through big disappointment.

I begin this episode with a brief discussion with my friend Joshua Manns about a big disappointment in my own life. To hear how that story ends, how I rebounded, and how this dynamic has played out in Josh’s life, the whole interview is live on my Patreon page. You can find it at Patreon.com/bouttheb.

After the intro with Josh, I jump right into my interview with Justin Chan. 1 out of every 5 drops of oil consumed by residents of the SF Bay Area was produced by his company. This episode is the story of what brought him to this place.

Enjoy!

Straight out of North Oakland in a dive known as Dorsey’s Locker, a Bay Area comedic legend was born. Jared Walton, affectionately known as J-Red by all who love his comedy, has a story to tell about pursuing excellence despite much adversity. Hear how his failures became his education and his willingness to create his own opportunities led to open doors that transcended his imagination! But his story is not over; in fact, it is only now just beginning. As you hear this story, I’m sure you’ll find yourself believing fully in J-Red’s future simply because of what he has been willing to do to overcome the obstacles of his past.

But what about you? What is the goal that you are pressing toward, and what do you need to do to make it a reality?

I meet so many people who have dreams, but simply can’t find the clarity or strategy or energy to effectively execute them. If that’s you, this podcast was specifically created with you in mind. 

However, listening to these episodes is only step 1. Step 2 would be to join the boutthebenjamin podcast patreon community, a space that I envision to be a safe place to share your dreams, receive constructive feedback from the community, and in which I’ll provide more personalized resources (like live Q&As with some of my guests) to help individuate the clarity and strategy that you need to move forward with your dreams. 

Now of course, you can simply listen and be inspired. Inspiration is delicious, but it dies if it is not followed by immediate action. Joining the boutthebenjamin podcast patreon community, which costs only $2.99 per month, could be the 1 immediate action you need to launch you into a deeper pursuit of your dream!

Subscribe today at patreon.com/bouttheb.

What would you imagine a 14 year old boy could do with a combination of passion and curiosity? Could he start a business that does $80k in sales in 18 months? If that doesn’t sound possible to you, you’ll be amazed by the story of Elijah Kang, the owner-operator of an LA-based shoe-selling co. called Kang’s Kicks. Elijah’s experience is full of highs and lows, failures and victories, and all of it has cultivated within him a wisdom beyond his years. What we learn from Elijah’s story is that when passion meets curiosity, and curiosity meets grit, anything is possible.

The video of the concert entitled Jon Batiste and Friends can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyds04mi_Z0&t=1182s.

Join my Patreon community at Patreon.com/bouttheb

Introducing Season 1 of the Bout the Benjamin Podcast. What is the first and most formidable hindrance to pursuing your God-given dream? For most of us the answer is simple: we don’t know where or how to start. This first season consists of 12 interviews with every-day people who have accomplished far more than the average every-day person feels capable of accomplishing. Listen in each week to hear about their journeys, their dark valleys, and their mountain tops!