On this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I'm joined by my great friend Cole Zick, director of Moral Revolution alongside his wife, for our monthly conversation about what it actually means to be a man. This time we're tackling a topic most guys avoid talking about out loud: managing your sex drive. Cole and I get into why so many men in ministry and in everyday life are frustrated by their sex drive and even afraid of it, and we make the case that God didn't give you that drive as a curse to manage but as a gift with a real purpose behind it, one built to point you toward your spouse, the one person in your life you actually get to choose.

We go deep on what it looks like to train that appetite well, comparing it to learning to manage desires for money, cars, and comfort long before marriage even enters the picture, and we get surprisingly direct about what the Bible does and doesn't say about masturbation, including an unexpected Old Testament verse that shows God cared enough about this appetite to draw hard lines around it a long time ago. Cole also opens up about his own story, ten years of a sexually active marriage followed by a divorce that took him overnight to zero, and the blunt advice a mentor gave him about staying clean until he remarried. From there we talk honestly about how much harder purity gets for single men, the loneliness that comes with it, and why setting your expectations ahead of time changes everything.

We close out with some of the most practical tools in the whole conversation: how a dopamine detox, through fasting, exercise, and real human connection, can reset a brain that's been leaning on quick hits for too long, why owning your insecurity out loud with the people you're dating matters more than hiding it, and why building a group of men who are actually pursuing strength alongside you is the difference-maker Cole keeps coming back to. If you've ever felt like something is wrong with you because of your sex drive, I hope this conversation helps you see it differently. Thanks for listening, guys, stay brave, and we'll see you next week.

Chapters:
00:00 – Why Men Fear Their Sex Drive 
06:15 – God's Vision for Sex: Your Spouse Is the One You Choose 
12:33 – Self-Servicing vs. Real Intimacy With Your Wife 
18:43 – Training Your Appetite Young: Lessons in Managing Desire 
25:03 – Does the Bible Talk About Masturbation? 
31:14 – From 10 Years Active to Zero Overnight: Cole's Divorce Story
37:31 – Fighting for Purity as a Single Man 
43:43 – The Dopamine Detox: Fasting, Exercise, and Connection 
49:59 – The Vulnerable Text: Owning Your Own Insecurity 
56:20 – Building a Brotherhood of Real Accountability

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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week on the podcast, I brought on my favorite guest of all time: my mom. I wanted to sit down with her and dig into some of the wildest stories from my childhood, the ones I've never really told on this show before, starting with the night a demon-possessed teenager showed up at our home group and my parents accidentally launched a deliverance ministry that would define our family for years. My mom walks me through it in her own words, along with the story of Tracy Evans, a missionary who survived being shot at, shipwrecked, and hunted in the Philippines, and who later brought a young woman, the spiritual daughter of Anton LaVey, to live in our house.

From there we get into some of the most intense moments of my upbringing: a manifestation that turned violent and sent my mom running for her life, my sister Jamie's terrifying medical crisis when she started having seizures as a kid, and the time my two older sisters, ages 12 and 14, were sent to smuggle Bibles into Communist China, one of them getting interrogated for hours and the other getting separated from her group in the middle of the night. My mom also opens up about the hardest financial season of their lives, losing their business, owing 1.8 million dollars, and watching God provide through a string of miracles that included a banker forgiving their debt in tears.

We close the conversation talking about her Parkinson's diagnosis seven years ago and how she refused to let it define her, choosing instead to go elk hunting at 500 yards, harvest a black bear with a crossbow, and keep showing up for life instead of shrinking back. This episode is really a tribute to her, to her faith, her grit, and the way she and my dad lived out the gospel in real, messy, unglamorous ways long before it was something either of them had figured out. If this episode encourages you, give your own mom a call, and if you enjoyed it, like, comment, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Stay brave.

Chapters:
00:00 – Meet My Mom 
06:36 – The Night Deliverance Ministry Was Born 
13:14 – Taking In Anton LaVey's Daughter
19:54 – Growing Up Surrounded by Angels and Demons 
26:31 – When "Susan" Turned Violent
33:13 – My Sister's Terrifying Seizure and a Demonic Attack 
39:51 – Smuggling Bibles Into Communist China as Kids 
46:28 – Leaving Weaverville and Losing Everything in Bankruptcy 
53:05 – The Miracle That Saved Us From $1.8 Million in Debt 
59:41 – Parkinson's, Hunting Adventures, and a Tribute to Mom

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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed, triggered, or flooded by your emotions and reached for every tool in the book to regulate them, this episode is for me as much as it's for you. As a pastor and counselor, I talk a lot about self-awareness, objectivity, and positive self-talk, and those tools genuinely matter. But in this episode I want to hand you something bigger than a tool: a complete shift in how you interpret the season you're in. I walk through what I imagine an hour-long coaching session with God would sound like, and why a man whose faith has never been tested is a weak man. Using James 1 as a life verse, I break down why endurance, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, is the only real process for growing into a stronger, more mature man.

From there I get into the gym metaphor I use constantly with the guys in my life: nobody goes to the gym and calls themselves weak because the weights feel heavy. Resistance is the whole point. I talk about Jocko Willink's "Good" mindset, why we've been sold propaganda that life is supposed to be easy, and how living from a place of victory beats fighting for victory every single day. Then I get into the second, and honestly more foundational, key: how you see God. I dig into the moment Jesus was baptized and the Father declared, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased," before Jesus had performed a single miracle, and what that means for those of us who think we have to earn God's love through performance.

I close out the episode with the great exchange from Philippians 4, trading our anxiety for God's peace, and why rejoicing isn't denial but actually a "cheat mode" that puts us into testimony mode, the spirit of prophecy that gives other people hope. I finish with a prayer over every man and woman listening, especially those carrying wounds from an absent father or a hard past, that this would be a season of breakthrough and restoration. If this episode encourages you, I'd love for you to rate, review, and share it with someone who needs it. Stay brave.

Chapters:
00:00 – Welcome
03:02 – The Life Hack That Beats Every Emotional Regulation Tool 
06:11 – Built Up, Not Broken Down
09:14 – The Gym Metaphor
12:19 – Living From Victory Instead of Fighting for It 
15:20 – The Second Key
18:23 – What Jesus's Baptism Teaches Us About God's Love 
21:25 – Practical Steps to a Deeper Connection With God 
24:35 – The Great Exchange
27:36 – A Prayer for Breakthrough and Restoration

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I sit down with Dr. Margaret Nagib, a clinical psychologist and one of my most trusted friends, for a conversation I've wanted to have for a long time: how do you actually work through anxiety and depression as a man? Margaret breaks down why so many of us are struggling right now, from information overload to unprocessed childhood trauma, and explains what's really happening in your body and brain when you hit your window of tolerance. We get into the COVID season specifically, including her own story of telling God "I'm done" with the news, and how that moment shaped the way she now helps her clients regulate their emotions.

The heart of this episode is a tool Margaret taught me that genuinely changed my life: recognize, relabel, refocus. I share exactly how I used radical thankfulness to pull myself out of anxiety spirals during one of the hardest seasons of my life, tapering off medication I'd been on for eight years while caring for a newborn. Margaret explains why fighting anxious thoughts only makes them louder, why distraction is actually a healthy tool, and why "it's not me, it's anxiety" became the phrase that finally let me detach from the spiral instead of getting swept up in it.

We also go deep on depression, including the medical side I didn't expect, like a severe vitamin D deficiency that mimicked major depressive symptoms, and I open up about a recent surgery that triggered a spiral of hopelessness I had to consciously fight my way out of. Margaret closes with the psychology of hope, the story of the rats who kept swimming, and why every man needs a "hope holder" in his life when he can't hold onto hope himself. If you've ever felt like anxiety or depression was something only you were dealing with, this conversation is for you.

Chapters:
0:00 – Meet Dr. Margaret Nagib
6:04 – COVID Overload: When the News Became Too Much
12:06 – Why Men Are Taught to Suppress Their Emotions
18:07 – Anxiety Isn't a Problem to Solve, It's a Spiral to Exit
24:12 – Avoidance, Trauma, and Why We Run From Emotion
30:14 – The Power of Radical Thankfulness to Break Anxiety
36:15 – Mapping Your Anxiety Triggers Before They Hit
42:20 – Vitamin D, Medication, and the Medical Side of Depression
48:21 – Jason's Surgery Story: Catching Depression Before It Spirals
54:27 – Agency, Hope, and Finding Your "Hope Holder"

Dr. Margaret Nagib is a speaker, author, and clinical Psychologist. In this episode, Jay and Margaret explain how to deal with anxiety and depression. You will be better equipped to respond to your triggers and regulate your emotions.

Episode Notes:
- We experience anxiety and depression when we are beyond our capacity to cope.
- One of the most powerless feelings for a man is wanting to help someone without knowing how to help them.
- Avoidance is a symptom of trauma
- Hope is the overall perception that a goal can be met
- A person filled with hope has high agency (belief in yourself) and multiple pathways (ways to get where you want to go)

Margaret's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/margaretnagib/

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week I brought on my good friend Cole, who's raising three boys and a daughter, to dig into something that's been on my heart for a long time: how do we actually turn a boy into a man? We get into the real, practical side of fatherhood, from a flag football cheating scandal that turned into a life lesson on his sideline, to the conversation I had with my own son about learning to think and problem-solve instead of having every issue solved for him. Cole and I talk about how "becoming a man" isn't a single moment, it's language and intentionality threaded through everyday interactions, from sports to chores to the hard conversations nobody wants to have.

We also get into why so many kids today grow up feeling unnecessary instead of needed, tracing the shift from the agricultural age, where a child's contribution literally put food on the table, all the way to today's information age, where kids can go their whole childhood without ever feeling essential to the family. I share the story of building what we call a family "ethos," teaching my kids what it means to be a Valentin, and how identity like that shapes behavior far more than rules ever could. And then I get real about one of the hardest seasons of my life as a dad: the moment my 17-year-old son decided to move out because he wanted more responsibility, and what happened over the year that followed, spaghetti dinners, blown budgets, and all.

This conversation isn't about having it all figured out. It's about being willing to pay the personal price it takes to disciple your kids well, even when it costs you a practice, a peaceful evening, or your own comfort. If you're a dad in the thick of raising boys, or even if your kids are grown and you're wondering how you can still show up for the young men around you, this episode is for you. And don't forget, our Foundations of Masculinity course and our Sexuality and Relationships course are both completely free at braveco.org. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week.

Chapters:
00:00 - Intro: Why Masculinity Matters Today
02:00 - The Role of a Father in Training Sons
05:10 - Teaching Responsibility: A Father’s Approach
08:35 - Sports as a Tool for Life Lessons
13:20 - How Vision Shapes Responsibility in Young Men
16:40 - Creating a Family Ethos
22:15 - Sacrifice as a Parent: The Cost of Discipleship
30:00 - Letting Your Kids Learn Through Challenges
36:10 - Navigating Tough Conversations with Teens
42:00 - Free Tools to Support Fathers and Mentors

Connect with Cole Zick:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/colezick/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cczick

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This episode is lesson one from our Foundations of Masculinity course. I start with a true story out of Kruger National Park in 1993, where wildlife officials relocated a group of young male elephants without any older males to guide them. Within a few years, rangers started finding endangered white rhinos brutally killed, not by poachers, but by these juvenile elephants who had no elder to show them how to act. The second they flew in a few older bull elephants, the chaos stopped. When I first heard that story, it hit me like a truck, because it's exactly what's happening to men in our culture today.

From there, I trace how we got here, starting with the sexual revolution of the 1960s and Woodstock's "free love" philosophy, and how removing responsibility and courtship from relationships between men and women actually backfired, leading to a massive spike in fatherlessness that's still wrecking families today. I break down the real difference between being male, being masculine, and being a manly man, and why manhood isn't something you're born with, it's something that has to be poured into you by other men. I also get personal, sharing my own dad's story of growing up without a father and how my grandfather, a hardworking farmer, shaped an entire ethos around what it means to be a man, even without ever using the word "masculinity."

By the end of this episode, I dig into what Scripture actually says about a man's role, starting in Genesis, and I talk honestly about the different but equally valuable roles men and women carry, using some pretty relatable stories from my own marriage and home along the way. If you've ever felt confused about what it means to be a man in today's world, or if you've caught yourself acting more like a "man boy" chasing short-term gratification instead of long-term reward, this episode is for you. I close it out with a prayer over every man listening. Thanks for tuning in, and if this episode hits home, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Stay brave, and we'll see you next week.

Chapters:
00:00 – Welcome
04:09 – The Elephant Story: What It Teaches Us About Fatherless Men
08:11 – The Sexual Revolution's Broken Promise
12:22 – Toxic Masculinity vs. True Manhood: The Confusion Today
16:32 – What Manliness Really Means: Jesus as the Model
20:42 – Man Boys: When Selfishness Never Grows Up
24:54 – My Grandfather's Farm: A Lesson in Manly Work Ethic
29:01 – The Sump Pump Story: A Man's God-Given Responsibility
33:12 – Different Roles, Equal Value: Men and Women by Design
37:17 – Don't Suppress Your Masculinity: A Prayer for Every Man

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This episode comes straight from our BraveCo conference. John open's by walking through one of my favorite overlooked stories in Scripture: the resurrection morning where Jesus spends his first hours back from the dead playing what can only be described as practical jokes on his closest friends. If you've never noticed Jesus's sense of humor in the text, I promise once you see it, you can't unsee it, and it changes how you relate to Him.

From there, John lays out a framework I've spent years developing: the masculine journey through the stages of beloved son, cowboy, warrior, lover, king, and sage. John uses David and Goliath, stories from his own life growing up on my grandfather's cattle ranch, and even a scene from Kingdom of Heaven to show how God doesn't just drop courage and identity on us out of nowhere. He initiates us through real experiences, one stage at a time, and most of us are walking around as unfinished men still needing to be built up in one of these areas, whether that's beloved-ness, adventure, the fight with our enemy, or learning to truly know our wife's heart.

The second half of this talk is where John get's really practical, because none of this framework matters if you can't hear your Father's voice for yourself. John shares some of the wildest, most personal stories of God speaking to me, through a nalgene bottle, an underwear tag, and a canceled sermon that turned out to save me from disaster, and then John walk's the room through simple, no-pressure ways to start recognizing his voice in your own life. We close together in a guided time of prayer, facing our fears, asking the Father hard questions, and breaking agreements we've made with the enemy about who we are as men. If you're hungry for more of God and tired of trying to figure life out on your own, this one is for you. Stay brave, and I'll see you next week.

Chapters:
00:00 – Welcome
08:04 – You Are a Son
16:20 – How God Initiates Men Through Experience
24:21 – The Beloved Son Stage
32:35 – Eve, Beauty & Why Your Wife Needs God, Not Just You
40:42 – God Isn't as Religious as You Think
48:48 – The Key to Everything
56:59 – How to Actually Hear God Speak
1:05:04 – Facing Your Fears & Letting God In
1:13:14 – Warrior Prayer: Breaking Agreements With the Enemy

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week's Brave Co episode is from my time teaching at Danny Silk's Keep Your Love On University. I dig into a question I ask almost everyone I talk to: what's your actual process for dealing with pain? Most men, even tough guys, don't have a real answer, they just medicate with food, alcohol, work, or scrolling, and I walk through why that always backfires, using James 1, the picture of a farmer sowing in tears, and a hunting analogy about always taking the hard way instead of the easy way.

I get personal in this one and tell the full story of finding out my wife was having an affair, what it felt like to want to eject from my whole life with three kids depending on me, and why I eventually realized there was no shortcut, only one path through the pain. I break down why hope and vision matter more than willpower, including the wild "Rat With Hope" experiment and why couples I counsel don't need me to fix their old marriage, they need vision for a new one. Then I shift into forgiveness, probably the most misused word in the church, and explain why "just give it to Jesus" or "nail it to the cross" doesn't actually work if you've never processed the pain underneath it.

By the end, I lay out the five real steps I use and teach couples and individuals to actually work through pain and get to genuine forgiveness rooted in compassion, not obligation. This episode runs long because we did a full teaching plus Q&A, but if you've ever felt stuck reliving the same pain over and over, this gives you an actual framework, not just theory. Stay brave out there.

Chapters:
00:00 – Why Most Men Have No Real Process for Pain
08:12 – The Farmer's Mindset: Why Sowing in Tears Leads to a Harvest
16:24 – The Ecosystem You Inherited: Where Your Coping Skills Really Came From
24:33 – My Story: Discovering My Wife's Affair and Wanting to Eject
32:44 – Why Quick Fixes Are the Fastest Path to a Miserable Life
40:51 – Hope Energizes, Vision Sustains: The Rat With Hope Experiment
49:02 – You Have More Capacity Than You Think: Perseverance and Identity
57:12 – Why "Just Forgive Them" Doesn't Work (And Never Did)
1:05:25 – What Jesus on the Cross Teaches Us About Real Forgiveness
1:13:38 – The 5 Steps to Process Pain and Forgive From Compassion

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Connect with Sathiya: https://www.sathiyasam.com/

Jay and Sathiya both grew up in the church, and we both know what it's like when the emotional side of manhood gets either fully embraced or completely rejected. In this episode, we get into why fatherlessness, not war, addiction, or incarceration on their own, is actually the root issue behind almost every major crisis we see in families today, and why healing fathers is the only way to stop producing broken sons.

We trace how the s*xual revolution of the 1960s and 70s quietly rewired an entire culture away from responsibility and toward instant gratification, and how that shift is still playing out in dating, marriage, and fatherlessness today. Jay also walks through something I think every man needs to hear: where you're at right now probably isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to fix. He breaks down a real, practical five-step process for working through pain instead of just slapping a "blanket of forgiveness" over your whole life, including a raw personal story about processing his own divorce through journaling, and why forgiving from compassion is so much more powerful than forgiving out of pure obligation.

Toward the end, we zoom out to talk about what actually changes a society: not just rules, but men rediscovering that responsibility, not happiness, is what gives life real purpose. Jay unpacks his framework for fatherhood, protect, provide, and promote, and explains what "promote" really means through the lens of discover, develop, deploy, the same process his own dad used to help him find his calling as a counselor at 13 years old. If you're a man carrying father wounds, or you're a dad trying to break a cycle before it starts, this episode gives you language and tools for both. Stay brave out there.

Chapters
00:00 – Why Fatherlessness Is the World's #1 Issue
05:15 – The Fatherlessness Epidemic
10:27 – Why Taking Responsibility Breaks the Cycle of Fatherlessness
15:44 – How the Sexual Revolution Fueled a Fatherless Generation
21:02 – Taking Ownership of Your Healing
26:15 – Why Presence Beats Perfection as a Father
31:26 – Processing Real Pain Step by Step
36:47 – Why Silencing Your Inner Child's Pain Isn't Real Forgiveness
42:06 – Why Responsibility (Not Happiness) Gives Men Real Purpose
47:16 – Discover, Develop, Deploy: Building a Legacy That Outlives You

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I sat down with my daughter-in-law Alley for one of the most requested conversations on the Brave Co podcast: how to actually date well. We dig into why so few people were ever taught how to date, what it really means to be ready for a relationship, and why "dating yourself" first changes everything about how you show up for someone else.

From there, Alley and I walk through defining the relationship instead of letting it drift "organically," why trust in marriage actually starts on your very first date, and how leading with intentionality removes so much of the anxiety that ruins modern dating. Then we get into the intimacy ladder, fourteen questions I've used to figure out whether someone is safe, fun, aligned in values, and ready to build a real future, including how to handle a partner's past, how to fight fair, and how to keep God (not each other) as your source of security.

If you're dating, thinking about dating, or just want to understand why your relationship feels stuck at a certain level, this episode gives you a real framework instead of guesswork. Stay brave out there, and if this helped you, subscribe to the Brave Co podcast and share it with someone who needs it.

Chapters:
00:00 – Welcome
07:08 – Are You Ready to Date? Learning to "Date Yourself" First
14:20 – Trust Starts on Day One, Not on Your Wedding Day
21:24 – Killing the "Organic Dating" Myth
28:36 – A Framework for Every Step of Dating
35:51 – "Is This the One?" 
42:57 – Red Flags, Safe People, and Handling Someone's Past
50:05 – Insecurity, Neediness, and Keeping God in the God Spot
57:16 – Conflict Skills: How Couples Learn to Fight Fair
1:04:27 – Unconditional Love, Win-Win, and Why "Forever Isn't Long Enough"

CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/

ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.