Breaker's Point Podcast

I know everyone was on the edge of their seats for the newest edition of Breaker’s Point. I am sorry that it did not come out yesterday or even earlier today. I have been busy, but here I am now and I hope everyone that celebrates had a very happy Easter. My family visited me here in London this weekend. They got here on Thursday and just left today. It was so fun showing them around the city, the places I have been going and the sites that I have been seeing. It was one of our best ever family vacations. We were all happy to be all together in a city as awesome as London. It really was a vacation for me too, as I did not have school, I slept well in my own room (sorry Ben), and ate nice meals. Speaking of that Ben kid, it was fun meeting the Dietzes too. I had heard a lot about those folks. All in all, a grade-A weekend. Today it was back to the grind at my internship.

In other news, I was so excited to see videos from Bloomfest at the Wescott Theater back in Syracuse. It was a huge show highlighting Syracuse bands. Studio 89 and Lauren Juzang killed it as usual, and I was delighted to see the newest Cuse band, Froggies play. I am excited to see them in person, but seeing videos on Instagram was enough for me to steal or I guess “borrow” their guitarist, Maria. Mnemonic Advice is going to look a little different next semester. Maria is going to replace James who will be in LA. My Bandier grandlittle (I guess that would be the word) Gloria is replacing the graduating Anish on bass. Nick of course reprises his role as the super drummer, and his buddy Dan I hope will be able to add some keyboards. I have not asked Dan yet, I will after I write this. I am excited to have a five-piece band to showcase a whole bunch of new songs I have written and elevate the older songs. I am so excited about this band. It is different. We already have a gig on 9/8 at Funk ‘N Waffles. Save the date.

Grateful Eight

* I have already said this one I think, but just to reiterate: family. It feels great being with my family after having been apart for a while. I just missed Hanky though :(

* Being my mom’s “daughter” sometimes. Yikes. But, I get cool new clothes out of it, which is cool. Right?

* A good Iced Coffee. Man, I need it. They do iced Americanos here which is the closest thing, but that is cold water and espresso over ice. The first few sips are great, but it gets all watered down. Diminishing returns, man.

* That some dreams are just dreams. I had a really weird one last night and I woke up so relieved that it was not real. I do not want to talk about it.

* Beds with wider dimensions. I like to sprawl out a little when I sleep and my bed in my flat is not as conducive to that. The cot in my family’s air BnB was though, so I slept nicely.

* Sometimes I complain about minutia; like minutia of minutia. It is the Larry David in me I guess and I think sometimes it is funny, but I am grateful I do not have to complain about things that are not totally ridiculous and small.

* Jack White has been releasing all of his live gigs on this tour on Nugs to listen to with the subscription. I have listened to a couple and he is on fire. Also, I love his new album.

* I have a couple more weeks here. I do not want to leave yet. I will view this as a positive.

This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go (Bob Dylan)

This is a song off of one of my favorite Bob Dylan albums, Blood on the Tracks. I love the lyrics to this one and the charismatic nature in which he delivers them. I tried to match him with the same charisma and whisperiness in my cover, but make it a bit my own. However, sometimes it is hard not to sound like Bob Dylan when covering many Bob Dylan songs. I think that it is probably his genius that makes this the case. I have so much good stuff in store as far as new songs and demos; a good chunk I have shared with you, but I do not want to give you all of them at once. I would rather spread it out. Take this cover as consolation. I hope you enjoy it.

Also, listen to my music people:

https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/mnemonicadvice/need-a-vacation

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joshcarus.substack.com

Wow, I am tired. I was in Edinburgh this weekend (more on that later) and last night nothing could go our way as far as getting back to London as quickly and efficiently as possible. We had a 9:15 PM flight that was delayed to 10:15 PM. The flight was longer than expected too as we were taxiing in the sky for quite some time. We finally land and the tubes are closed and the only public transportation option was a two-hour bus ride. No thanks. So uber it was, but au contraire, we could not get an Uber for our lives. So we waited in line for a taxi and after a half-hour, we finally got a cab with a lovely older Spanish couple. We got home at around 2:30 AM. Terrible.

Anyway, Edinburgh was a fun time. It is the weirdest city I have ever been to in my life. The nature is beautiful; there are mountains and valleys and plains. The city is interesting. It is not what one would call boujee. It has an old charm, it is small and all the roads are cobblestone and it rests beneath high castles and extravagant churches. The people are interesting. Let me just say that. People wear bizarre costumes every day, and wacky things happen on the streets, and no one bats an eye. We saw a woman in a 19th-century colonial dress sprinting up a hill with two buckets and a fish. I wish I could properly convey how bizarre it was. It was fever-dreamlike. The nature though really was phenomenal. We did a hike all the way up the mountains to Arthur’s seat. I am very happy I went, but I do not know if I would rush back there.

Meanwhile, baseball season has started. I have not watched enough of the Mets so far as I want to because of the time difference and I am often busy. I should be able to watch more this week. I am dying with the blue and orange. It is way way early but this team has a slightly different feel. That is all I will say. Also, the bar is low. That is all I really have to report. Plus, I am tired. My brain needs a little while to come back. I think I left it in the underground caves that we toured.

Grateful Eight:

* DSPs. These are streaming services. Do you ever reflect that you have virtually every song in the world that you can search and play in about one second? It is wild and as a fan of music, I am grateful for them. People will tell you that it leads to formulaic music and attempts at hacking an algorithm to make money rather than producing art. I am usually people. Daniel Ek also cannot fathom art. He just does not get it when it comes to Spotify. But, I will take it. It is better than not having all that music at your disposal.

* I am grateful for the way eating a meal has the power to completely transform you as a person. You are irritable and tired and then you eat a meal and you are ready to go. Food was fuel in Edinburgh.

* Busy cities. Every place in Edinburgh shuts down by 1 AM and it is incredibly annoying. As far as late-night eats, we went to literally the only place in the city that was open. Honestly, I do not want to talk about it. It was vile.

* The Cinelli Brothers. This is a blues band I have seen play twice at this bar in London called Ain’t Nothing But The Blues Bar. They are fantastic. The guitar-playing brother is among the top five guitarists I have ever seen live in my life. He is that good. All of them are insanely good. They do old blues tunes and readapt classic rock songs like Love the One You’re With and Black Magic Woman. They even played some Jack White the other night. They’re pretty life-affirming.

* These next 9 minutes before my boring ass class starts.

* Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.

* I do not have class on Friday morning this week which is a gift. That class is early in the morning, prevents us from traveling, absolutely useless with zero purpose whatsoever, and…you know actually, I will just stop there. What if my professors read this? They won’t. Maybe they will. Nah they won’t. Whatever.

* My classes are easy. I rant about school, but my classes are not too bad.

This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: Brown Leather Ball

We are almost in NFL Draft season, so I thought I would share a little country song about football. This song goes way back. This was a song that I wrote for my first album, Dissociate which I released in 2019. We are probably going back four years potentially. I liked the song, but I did not think it fit for that album. I considered the song for my second album Need a Vacation also, and I ultimately decided that it did not fit on there either. Who knows? Maybe it will find itself on the album I am in the process of writing. It is a fun song about high school football. The football field on a Friday night is essentially a town hall meeting in towns like mine. Football is a vehicle for people to demonstrate pride in our town. Sports provide a sense of community in general. I also love football. I have made lasting memories freezing my ass off in “The Valley” on a Friday chanting “Slaw! Slaw! Slaw” or rooting on Alex to hold together the offensive line. Meanwhile, there is one lyric in this recording (which is from April 2020)…..wait a minute. I am not sure if this song was written a long time ago and I just recorded it in April or I am full of s**t and I wrote this song for Need a Vacation. Do you see what I was saying in the first entry? Sometimes, I have no concept of when or where I wrote a song. Anyway, the lyric I hate. At the beginning of the song, I created the setting as the football field on Friday NIGHT. NIGHT. But in the second verse, I contradict that by saying the actor, the housewife, and the mob boss are in pure daylight. It is not pure daylight at all. It really bugs me. I have since changed it (because I think I did play it recently at Funk N Waffles, which again, I could be full of s**t) to “the autumn night.” That one makes a lot more sense. I also say “kissing kids” which does sound weird but you have to understand in middle school, people would plan to kiss each other at these games. It’s part of growing up okay? With that being said—

Brown Leather Ball

On a Friday night everyone gathers

With wine in their pockets and a bouquet of flowers

Under bright lights that tower the field

The week is done, the valley is lit

At the center of a great big pit

Big as the one in the stomach of the team

Uniting us all is a brown leather ball

From the kissing kids to the callous working man

You can hear the angry yells and obnoxious cowbells

The sound of innocent pride in the sky

There’s a washed-up actor and a housewife

A mob boss in pure daylight

With their asses on the icy steel bleachers

There’s a stampede of passionate kids

Cheering hard as the game hits the skids

Shouting their heads off at the teachers.

Uniting us all is a brown leather ball

From the kissing kids to the callous working man

You can hear the angry yells and obnoxious cowbells

The sound of innocent pride in the sky

Uniting us all is a brown leather ball

From the kissing kids to the callous working man

You can hear the angry yells and obnoxious cowbells

The sound of innocent pride in the sky

The sound of innocent pride in the sky

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joshcarus.substack.com

Here we go. Welcome to the fifth issue of the Breaker’s Point newsletter. I am having so much fun doing these, and I look forward to sharing music and my thoughts with all of you each week. I extend a warm greeting to any newcomers, and for you initial subscribers; thanks for paying attention and even telling your friends. It means a lot to me. I had quite a long weekend, yet it was packed with fun and old friends. My brother-from-another-mother Josh Feinstein visited me here in London. It was fun showing him around and trying to expose him to all the amazing things that London has to offer by day and by night. I also saw an old camp friend that I had not seen in years. She and I were very close friends and it was nice to see her again, and we really picked up where we left off. I was fortunate enough to go to camp and form these deep friendships, and for you non-camp-goers, there are no such relationships to compare it to. I am sorry. It is a special thing. I recovered yesterday as I barely left my bed and went on a Mad Men marathon and finally finished the show. As much as I would love to write about it, I do not want to spoil it for anyone who has not seen it. I hate spoilers, so I do my best not to spoil anything for anyone else. I will say that I liked the finale and was satisfied with how the show ended.

On a more serious note, I have never distrusted the media before, at least the media that I choose to consume. I frankly am disgusted by the former president’s attack on the media and I view it as an impetus to the increasingly divided world we are trying to unite. However, I am upset with how many neutral or left-leaning sources covered the death of five ISRAELI JEWS, who were killed by Palestinian terrorists. ISRAELI JEWS were the words that they left out, and generalized by just saying five people were killed. There is definitely antisemitism in there and it makes me deeply uncomfortable. I do want to say though that I do not support Israel’s oppression and murder of Palestinians either. I am just Jewish and understand that without Israel, there are no Jews. I love the Dr. King quote that Bruce uses in his broadway show: “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” Sometimes something happens so many times that King’s principle can feel untrue. However, I do not think it is untrue. You have to be an optimist because what is the alternative. Hope keeps us alive. But god damn it is so frustrating.

Otherwise, I am chomping at the bit to play live again. I am filled with so many ideas to make performances even better and show off some new songs I have not played yet, or have played a few times. There are also a lot of back-catalog tunes that do not get live representation. I promise that when I get home, and then back to Syracuse, you are all going to see the greatest Mnemonic Advice show you have ever seen. If you have a stage, let me know.

Oh s**t, it was also the Grammys last night. Eh, whatever, I don’t care to be perfectly honest.

Grateful Eight:

* Bruce Inc. has made several live shows available for stream included in the nugs.net subscription. Before this, you had to buy each one. I am super excited by this.

* My health. COVID cases are surging in the UK right now. It is a pretty bad wave. I am always grateful for being healthy.

* Summer of Soul. I started watching this Questlove-directed Summer of Soul documentary about the Harlem Culture Festival of 1969. Some of the performance footage feels surreal. There is a clip of a young Stevie Wonder upright and singing, and then ripping a drum solo. I had no idea he could even play drums. There was also an excellent B.B. King clip. I know Sly and the Family Stone turns up soon and I am excited to see that.

* NJ Bagels. It is honestly sad what they call a bagel here.

* Similar theme, but NJ diners. You don’t know how many times I do not know what I want to eat, or craving diner food. Diners are amazing. They are essential and should not be taken for granted.

* Ok, NJ delis. I would love to walk into Marra’s and get a number 17 for lunch or dinner. It is so quick and easy and delicious. London does not really have delis and if they do, they are not very good.

* Since I have shat all over London’s food situation, I will praise London beer. Other countries just do beer better than the United States. They keep the beer extra cold and pour it well. A Stella Artois in London and a Stella Artois in the US taste like different beers.

* Old Kanye. Look, I have no idea what has happened to the man in the last 3 or 4 years. I cannot even listen to his new albums, because I am so sick of 2022 current day Kanye. But, my god, this guy was a visionary. The beats are simple but soulful on albums like The College Dropout and Late Registration. The man could also rap with the rhythm and potence of the top MCs at the time. His lyrics! His lyrics were funny but poignant, politically conscious, and clever. It is objectively amazing music. Ugh. Bring that guy back. He is gone forever though.

This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman

This has always been one of my all-time favorite songs. Carole King is a treasure. I even prefer her version of this song on Tapestry to Aretha Franklin’s version which of course is legendary. Something about a songwriter and a piano will always be magic to my ears. I decided it would be fun to cover as a man. It is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation when it comes to changing pronouns/references to the opposite sex. I feel like I do not need to get into why, but personally, I do not like to change the original lyrics no matter what. It feels weird and superficial to me. I love how in The White Stripes cover of Jolene, Jack White does not change the lyrics at all. Something about it seems cool. So, yeah. Why can’t a 21-year-old straight white guy feel like a natural woman? I claim discrimination :) This recording is from an Instagram live stream I did during COVID.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joshcarus.substack.com

Hello readers. After last week’s entry and my mom’s promotion of it on Facebook, I feel like there might be a lot of newcomers. That is awesome. Welcome to Breaker’s Point; you are guaranteed to have the time of your life. I do not have a whole lot to say this week. It was a busy weekend with a lot of going out, so I am tired and I am recovering. I watched the Mets game yesterday to see deGrom and Scherzer pitch and they both were dominant. Meanwhile, the offense looked good, specifically Francisco Lindor. The league is not ready.

Anyway, I thought I would give you a little insight into my creative process and how I want to record my next album. For my first two albums, I recorded, engineered, and produced the entire thing on Garageband. I am the only person to work on those records aside from Abby Garcia who sings on a track on each album. I did this out of necessity because I could not afford a studio, and did not have a band to help me record, so like many indie artists, I recorded in my bedroom. The masters on the recording sound demo-quality, which I think fits well with those albums. However, now I am more curious about the sonic element of my music. I really want it to sound good, and in Garageband, you can only make it sound so good. I have recorded many demos in the same way as I did for the first two albums, but now they are just demos. I want to professionally record them with a band. This batch of songs needs to breathe and have the spirit and soul of a live band playing on it. However, studio time is extremely expensive and I need a lot of it because I have so many songs to record. Plus, some studios can sound quite stale and lifeless. Here is my fantasy: I want to rent a house and record it there with a band. We could knock it out in about a week. It would also give the music the sonic element that I think fits so well with it. It is not exactly practical financially or otherwise to do this though. But I don’t know. I want to get imaginative when it comes to recording this thing. It is time for my recorded music to reflect the liveliness (as people have told me) of my live show. Reach out if you have any ideas. Also, I just cracked my phone. S**t.

Grateful Eight:

* Fresh water. So many places do not have good drinking water, and sometimes we take our clean and safe drinking water for granted. I drink like gallons of water each day. If I am anything, it is hydrated.

* Beck’s Cafe. It is a cafe in London near my school and I go there every Monday. I am officially a regular there and the waiter knows my order. It is a nice time for me to be alone, catch up on my TV and eat good breakfast food, which is sometimes hard to come by in this city. Also, why do they eat those nasty beans for breakfast here? I am so grossed out by it.

* My dog Henry. Hanky, if you are reading this, I miss you!

* You! Yes, you, the reader. Honestly, it is not too much but this little project of mine has been getting a lot more attention than I thought it would. That is really cool. Thank you!

* The blues. I have gone to this blues club called Ain’t Nothing But The Blues, and I have seen some amazing talent. There was a band called the Cinelli Brothers and they burnt the place to the ground. They did bluesy covers of “Love the One You’re With”, “Black Magic Woman”, “These Boots Were Made for Walking”, and interpolations of “Miserlou” and “Tequila.” It was incredible. Then, I saw another band that was a lot jazzier and had a three-piece horn section. The blues is soul cleansing. There is something about it that can cheer you up. It is catharsis for the audience who are undoubtedly experiencing their own version of the blues.

* The Bruce song, “None But the Brave.” It is on The bonus Essential Bruce Springsteen Disc Three. It is a personal favorite of mine. It was written in 1983 and did not make “Born in the USA.” It is honestly in Bruce’s upper echelon. It has everything from sax to guitar solos to soulful vocals and an astounding set of lyrics. It is a perfect song.

* Hyde Park. I have been to Hyde Park a bunch recently. The first time I took my guitar and notebook and worked on some music. I also went to walk around with my friends and we explored it all, from the Albert Hall memorial statue to the pond (with some of the biggest swans I have ever seen), to the garden, to the food stand where we got some surprisingly excellent chicken tenders. It is a beautiful park and it is basically in my backyard.

* English Dr. Pepper. I don’t know why, but it is insanely good.

This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: Southern Gentleman

I wrote this song when I was quarantined in the Sheraton Hotel at Syracuse for 14 days because my roommate tested positive. I could not leave my hotel room. It was miserable. This song has a lot of themes and ideas. I was honestly inspired by the Bible Belt and the values that I know for a fact people have there combined with values and behaviors I infer that the people have there. Religion has always been an interesting topic for me. Although I am a proud Jew, actual religious principles and values do not really mean much to me. I am not a believer in God’s judgment nor in the Jewish and Christian idea of the afterlife. I imagined the stress and pressure that one’s faith (specifically a Christian southern man in this song) can put on him or her. It deals with making mistakes. I feel like sometimes religious people may be harder on themselves because of their fear of God. Part of this song is me trying to say to the southern gentleman that it is okay that you fucked up, but ultimately on Earth, there is no reason to dwell on the divine’s opinion of you (or anyone else’s for that matter). Mistakes do not necessarily make one a bad person. I am trying to communicate that. Counteract negative behavior with positive behavior. Also, I think there is a harmful standard for what a tough, masculine man needs to encompass in the south. It is okay for everyone to be not okay. That is a cliché but it is true. Does that make sense? Oh, and also, Abby hates this song.

Southern Gentleman

Southern gentleman tell me what’s your sin

Have you come to hate your face in the mirror’s reflection?

Man it’s not that bad

Whatever it is you did

God may not forgive you but it don’t matter in the end

Jesse you’re still alive and well

Kiss that bride of yours tonight and you won’t go to hell

Put all of your faith in the marshy swamps and trees

Throw your books into the lake let them disappear beneath the algae

Jesse you’re still alive and well

Pull over that Ford tonight embrace the highway’s spell

Strum a guitar and play a gloomy tune

Cry your spirit out whatever you need to do to feel renewed

Southern gentleman tell me how you’ve been

What’s got you down is it the cloud above you or within?

Do not appear so strong

If you can’t sing that song

You will still be punished after you repent for your wrongs

Jesse you’re still alive and well

Hug your brothers and sisters tight and you won’t go to hell.

Strum a guitar and play a gloomy tune

Cry your spirit out whatever you need to do to feel renewed.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joshcarus.substack.com

Hey, all you cool cats and kittens! (Remember Tiger King? That is how Carole Baskin greeted her viewers in all of her videos. Weird. She totally killed her husband, by the way.) Anyhow, thank you to everyone for being so supportive and reading these entries, listening to the songs, and sharing them. It means a lot and encourages me to keep writing. I just got done with going down a little rabbit hole on YouTube. Maybe it is a little embarrassing, and maybe you would not think that I would be the guy to do this, but I watched like four Lady Gaga solo piano performances. I cannot get enough. That song “You and I” is fire!!! Then, I watched Rihanna sing “Love on the Brain” at Global Citizen Fest. I love that song so much and Rihanna kills it with that performance. Where are you Rihanna? The world desperately needs you though; congrats on the baby though.

Ok, enough silly business. Let’s talk about Ireland (essentially an oxymoron as you do not get a sillier country than Ireland). I visited Dublin this past weekend and celebrated my favorite holiday, St. Patrick’s Day. As a Jew, I connect deeply with the story of St. Patrick and I think about him and all he has done for us as I sip my pint of Guinness. I loved Dublin and the people. It is a very happy-go-lucky city, or at least it was on St. Patrick’s Day weekend. The nightlife is awesome, and the Temple Bar area was cool to explore as the vibe and music in each place were different. There is something to be said about live music. There was a bar where a man with a guitar and a woman sang some classic pop and rock tunes, and even songs I have heard a hundred times had some sort of new energy to it. The singers were not that great, and the guy committed a federal crime in the Josh Carus lawbook by banging the s**t out of an acoustic guitar and disrespecting the grace and fragility of the instrument, but I digress. All this to say that they were not the best performers, but the fact that it was live made it more fun. Maybe that had something to do with the Guinness though.

I am happy to be back here in London for the next couple of weeks. I am seeing Lucy Dacus this upcoming weekend, which is exciting. Interestingly enough, I have seen Lucy Dacus on tour for each one of her albums. I saw her open for Car Seat Headrest; that is when I discovered her because she was amazing. Then, I saw her do a headline show in New Jersey for Historian. Then, I saw her open for Bright Eyes on the Home Video tour, and now will be seeing a proper headlining show in support of that album. It is pretty cool. I am a longtime fan—a hipster of sorts.

Grateful Eight:

* Pepcid. It is a miracle drug and relieves you of any stomach pain or discomfort that you may have. I was explaining to Mr. Ben Dietz last night that it is a miracle drug. It is the best over-the-counter drug you can buy in a store.

* Do you want to know the best food you can buy in a store? Well, I will tell you. The answer is Rao’s marinara sauce. Man, I miss it. They do not have it here in London, so I want everyone who has access to it right now to not take it for granted.

* Buck Showalter. I do not think there is anyone who loves baseball more than Buck Showalter. He also happens to be a really funny guy. The Mets and the Mets fans are lucky to have him and I can only hope he brings us success!

* The sun. The Velvet Underground sing “who loves the sun? Who cares that it is shining? Who cares what it does? Since you broke my heart?” Not everything is about you, Lou Reed. I love the sun and I feel so much happier when it is shining. It has been shining in London lately and it was really shining in Dublin. Sorry that you got your heart broken, Lou, but do not take it out on the sun.

* Creedence Clearwater Revival. In creating this project I have tried to get to the very foundation of American songwriting. I have been listening to old country legends like Hank Williams and Roy Acuff. Then there are vinyl area classic rock guys like Bob Dylan, of course, and John Fogerty is a big one. That man knows how to write a hit and each song is about three chords. It is genius. It is remarkable he was able to write so many amazing songs in like four years, I think. Nuts. God bless him.

* I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson. If you do not watch this show, you have to. It might be the best sketch comedy series I have ever seen. Some sketches make me laugh so much I cry. It is on Netflix.

* American food. I love London, but the food stinks. Good restaurants are a little bit few and far between, unfortunately.

* Solid Sound. (Wilco’s music festival). I am going to be sad to leave London, but knowing that Solid Sound will be just around the corner when I am back eases the blow.

This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: Clawing at the Glass

This is a fairly new song that I am super proud of. It has become one of the centerpieces of this new album/project that I am working on, and it may even be the namesake of the project. This entry has been pretty lighthearted and funny, which is interesting considering this song is pretty deadly serious. It is about seeing the world and seeing a relationship through the lens of mental illness. It deals with forgetting who you even are, who and what you are supposed to be, and why you may mean a lot to people. It is a trippy thing, but I have had the experience of looking at myself in the mirror and not connecting with the person I saw. It is crazy how people can smile and laugh and seem fine on the outside when on the inside, they are struggling. I will let the song and the lyrics tell the rest of the story. This recording is from a session I did for Pausewave, a classmate’s capstone project.

“Clawing at the Glass”

Too young to fall apart

Together now, growing up in the dark

Waiting on something like rain to wash it away

Waiting on purified tears to drip down your face

Too weightless to even stand

On the platform of our lonesome land

As I look at my face, I’m sick with a smile

Loving what I see, but it’s not me

I’m looking at you through a window

Muddied by the waste that my own mind excretes

Clawing at the glass for peace

I feel like feeling bad

But feelings are thin like the skin on the palm of my hand

Tragically majestic like a piano with broken keys

Embellishing a room but it's of no use to me

Stuck in the back of my mind

Trying to get out but freedom is so hard to find

Believe me, I love you infinitely

But tonight I forget who I’m supposed to be

I’m looking at you through a window

Muddied by the waste that my own mind excretes

Clawing at the glass for peace

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joshcarus.substack.com

Here we go again. Welcome to Breaker’s Point #2. I’m your host, Josh Carus. I went to Paris this past weekend and it felt pretty surreal. I walked around the Louvre, saw the Eiffel Tower, and had some authentic French cuisine, which, yes, included escargot. That stuff is hard to eat. When I ordered it, they gave me some sort of tool and a tiny fork, and man was I confused. A lovely French surgeon had to help me get the *gulp* snails out of their shell. He was getting so frustrated, and he was clearly an extremely nice guy, and my incompetency in eating a French delicacy clearly struck a nerve. It was funny. Anyway, seeing the Eiffel Tower, to me, was a real pinch-me moment. Shortly after the sun sets, the Tower is lit up gold with sparkling lights. I have never been so emotionally affected by a building. Studying abroad is awesome man; this s**t really is once in a lifetime. I can go on and on about my Paris weekend getaway. The last thing I will say is that I went to a club in France and the DJ was literally sampling Coltrane among other jazz legends and putting it over a house/dance beat. It was cool. We also got drinks at 5 am with two Norwegian girls we met on the street. That is another story in and of itself, but they were cool, I have never met someone from Norway before. That was my first weekend trip of the semester and I cannot wait to embark on more.

There is not much else to talk about for me this past week. I will mention though that I am getting very antsy to play shows. It dominates my thoughts. I guess you guys probably do not know the thought that I put in my live shows because you are not living in my head, but I hope that it comes across for anyone who has seen me live. In a way, I am upset that the two full band shows I played last semester were the same setlist, although for the Funk N Waffles show I added 2 more songs, She Said She Said by those Liverpool lads, and my original The Night. I played The Night completely differently than I played back in Boonton, NJ at Redhouse. That is something that feels cool to me. I love to play songs different ways depending on where they turn up in the set and what the song before it is. I want to do that more and I also want to play more shows with different setlists every single time. I have the songs to do it, especially given that I have written so many since the last time I even stood on a stage. Excuse the rambling, but this is my newsletter right? It’s supposed to be my thoughts right? You do not need to read everything if some things are not that much of interest to you. I am trying to let you into my brain and you can take or leave it—either one is cool with me. :)

Behold, this week’s Grateful Eight:

* While, the French honestly do not love Americans or speaking English understandably so, they were super accommodating. A lot of the time I felt like a confused idiot, but everyone has patience. I guess I am not used to that, and that must have been why I noticed it.

* Every Wilco live release is available through the basic Nugs.net subscription and they are downloadable. That is so cool of Wilco. I wish Bruce would do the same. He won’t though.

* Baseball is back! The Mets made a great deal for Chris Bassitt from the A’s. They also signed RHP Adam Ottovino. I can not wait for Mets Baseball.

* Max Scherzer; and Jacob deGrom for that matter

* Continuing with the sports front, March Madness is beginning. The time difference is tricky, but at least I will not be watching games in class like I previously have. I can pay attention more. Maybe I will learn something.

* French French Fries, or Frites as they are known over there.

* A beautiful day today in London. This city ain’t known for its weather.

* There are a select people who really understand my art and my music and my passion, and what I am doing creatively. Genuinely, it sounds so cliché, and it may be cliché for good reason, but to have even one fan means the world to me. So gratifying.

This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: Pieholden Suite (Wilco)

I love Wilco. Wilco is my favorite band. Jeff Tweedy is tied for my favorite songwriter with…well…you know who. Even if you barely know me, you know who. This is one of my dad and I’s favorite Wilco deep cuts. It is off their 1998 album, Summerteeth. It is song that has like 3 key changes within 3 minutes, but they all work and I guess that is why suite is in the title. This is a rare time where I do not remember recording this at all. Usually, I have some concept of where I was or something, but for this one I do not. It is cool looking back in my voice memos and finding little surprises like this one. This was recorded in November 2020. Enjoy!

Here is a link to last week’s issue ICYMI:

And here is a link to my music: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/mnemonicadvice/need-a-vacation

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joshcarus.substack.com

Welcome to the first edition of Breaker’s Point, my newsletter/open journal. (I apologize advance for the length of this entry.) As advertised, the first section of each post will be a summation of my thoughts the past week. For starters, allow me to address current events as they are impossible to ignore, especially if I am being candid in this open journal that I have vulnerably created. You do not need me to tell you that Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is quite frightening. I am actually a super optimist when it comes to this s**t. It is difficult to be anything else. Let us hope for the best-case scenario- Putin’s ass is pushed out of power, Ukraine stays free, and the Western World prevails with as few casualties as possible. I have done my fair share of research on this conflict and its implications, but I do not really want to get into it here as it is not the purpose of Breaker’s Point. All I will say is Russia’s invasion of Ukraine resembles Hitler’s invasion of Poland, which of course started World War II.

The impending war in Ukraine is such a global crisis that it is distracting from the World War II-reminiscent Nazism that American state officials are tapping into on my home soil. ICYMI, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, classified it as child abuse for parents to allow their children to receive gender-reassignment surgery, as well as to take testosterone, estrogen, and puberty blockers that are treatments for transgender children and teens. If that was not f*****g disgusting, oppressive, and hateful enough, Texas Governor Greg Abbott issued a directive for all licensed professionals to report any “abuse” that they come across to the authorities. The authorities are then instructed to legally prosecute these “perpetrators.” I was having a conversation with my friend the other day, explaining why this hurts me to my core; especially as a Jewish person with family members who were impacted by the Holocaust. If you do not see these efforts by Abbott and Paxton as enacted through the scope of Nazi ideology, you are either homophobic or need to read a damn book. To be honest, it makes me want to cry in anger and sadness for the trans youth in Texas. At the end of this newsletter, I will link organizations to which you can contribute that are helping Texas trans people.

My opening thoughts to each newsletter will be much shorter than this, but I could not ignore all of these horrifying events. On the lighter side, I saw Big Thief twice this weekend at the O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire. I am not a religious or particularly spiritual person, but I swear these shows were an ethereal experience for me. I have felt this incorporeal magic only a few times in my life. Adrianne Lenker is a bonafide star and the rest of the band is in lock-step with her. She sings on the song Spud Infinity, “what’s it going to take to free the celestial body,” and I think the answer for me is to go to a Big Thief gig.

Here is this week’s Grateful Eight (eight things big or small, serious or humorous, that I am grateful for):

* Big Thief (you knew this was coming)

* Having the opportunity and privilege to enrich myself during this semester in London. I am having fun and I am learning a lot. It was individually essential for current-day 21 year old me to have this experience right now.

* The fact that the Knicks suck so I do not have to feel like a bad fan for missing games due to the time difference

* My Fender Telecaster guitar. If you have seen me perform live, then you have seen this guitar. It was given to me by my Uncle Michael, and it has become like a third arm. It gives me comfort, and some damn good songs have come out of that thing if I may say so myself.

* Pasta

* Phisherman’s Warf on YouTube. It is a channel that has maybe 2-3 dozen Bruce Springsteen concerts in full. I need it to hold me over until I can actually see the man live again.

* My dog Henry. I miss him.

* @meals_by_cug on TikTok. No man has better vibes than Cugine.

This Week’s Rare Mnemonic Advice/Josh Carus Recording: Fish in Water

Honestly, I believe that these are some of my best lyrics to date. This song is written from the perspective of a fish navigating his nautical environment and escaping predators. It is an allegory for human existence. No one asked to be here. We were put here without a choice, and we are forced to stay grounded and learn how to survive among internal and external conflicts and obstacles that try to beat us down. At the end of the day, all organisms on Earth need food, water, rest, and shelter. This recording is from April 2021. As with many of these recordings and in the spirit of giving you as close of an insight into how I craft songs as possible, this is super rough so excuse any subpar singing, especially the very last note which I absolutely butchered.

Here are the lyrics:

Unbeknownst to me I was dropped in the sea

Been fighting to hide among the sharks and the waves of debris

But I am so exposed

As my scales reflect the sun

Something chasing after me

Like a bullet running from the gun

Sink or swim just existing on a whim

There’s that witching hour when the sky is dark and the water is grim

And I’m just hiding in the crowd

Of friends I made along the way

Escaping the same death

In an everyone-for-themself kind of deal

Still so pretty when I am dead

They cut off my head, they cut off my head

Hook-line-and-sinker they know I ain’t much of a thinker

I just need some food and some rest

Like every living thing

Just need a break from the fear

And spending my strength to get into the clear

Unbeknownst to me I was dropped in the sea

Been fighting to hide among the sharks and the waves of debris

Oh, but I am so exposed 

As my scales reflect the sun

Something chasing after me

Like a bullet running from the gun

Links to support the Texas trans community:

https://www.equalitytexas.org/take-action/donate/give/ (I donated to this one)

http://www.fiesta-youth.org/

https://www.montrosecenter.org/hatch-youth/

https://www.latinatranstexas.org/

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joshcarus.substack.com