Breaking the Boy Code

This episode picks up where we left off with the Man Box—this time asking where all these stereotypes actually come from, whether any of them are accurate, and what it would look like if we didn’t have them at all. Lucas and Kashyap reflect on what they genuinely like about themselves that fits inside the box and what they value that falls outside it, from Kashyap’s non-mainstream music taste to Lucas’s refusal to spend three hundred dollars on shoes he can’t get dirty.

The conversation takes some unexpected turns—into the stereotype that white teenage boys are expected to be douchebags, the experience of being underestimated academically by girls in class, Italian brainrot, why parents should play Minecraft, and a pointed exchange about The Anxious Generation and whether adults are paying attention to what’s actually stressing young people out. The episode closes with advice for any younger listeners navigating the Man Box: find a group of friends who are authentic, and don’t be afraid to ask ‘why?’ until the stereotypes stop making sense.

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
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This episode started with a very specific backstory: a student symposium in northern Alberta wanted a session on gender stereotypes with boys, and not a single teacher volunteered to facilitate it. So we recorded one instead—an accessible version of the Man Box activity that any educator listening could see themselves leading.

Lucas and Kashyap take on the brainstorm as a competition, rattling off stereotypes about how guys are supposed to look, spend their time, express emotion, compete, and navigate dating and relationships. Along the way, the conversation takes its own turns—into looksmaxxing and skincare, the pressure on guys to make the first move, the nuance between being gay and acting gay, and whether it matters that no one ever sat us down and taught us the rules of manhood. The episode closes with Lucas reflecting on the nerves and surprises of his first job, and a shared observation about how adults show up—or don’t—for young people’s entrepreneurial spirit.

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

Season five of Breaking the Boy Code introduces two youth co-hosts—Lucas, in grade nine, and Kashyap, in grade eight—who join me as permanent co-hosts to explore masculinity, relationships, and what it means to grow up as a boy today through their own lived experiences.

In this introduction episode, we get to know each other using Next Gen Men’s Cards for Masculinity discussion prompts. From gratitude and friendship to stress and persistence, the conversation moves naturally between the everyday realities of adolescence and bigger questions about being called gay as an insult, the best and worst things about being a boy, and learning how to talk about your mental health when no one’s shown you how.

This project has been supported by Women and Gender Equality Canada.

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

“We carry guilt and regret on the calm blue waters. We carry the carnage of our home. We carry the dreams of our ancestors on our young backs.” — 14-year-old Yoel

I heard back in one of our first recording sessions that the boys who participated in season four of Breaking the Boy Code had written spoken word poems as part of a school assignment—poems where they reflected on their identities and experiences with racism and expectation and past, present, future. There was a lot of pride in their voices, so I said we’d come back the next week and record their poems so that the world could hear them speak from the heart.

First you’ll hear from Betsaleel, then Siddig, then Yoel and lastly Aksayan.

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

You have to imagine us in the school library one last time—wearing masks and sitting six feet apart, having persevered through multiple delays from school closures and the unpredictability of the pandemic—the boys giving their hearts and speaking their truth, joking with each other, learning from each other, and volunteering to imprint part of their adolescence online in a podcast.

As we wrap up season four of Breaking the Boy Code, Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel finish their adapted Skills Assessment worksheets from The Umbrella Project and examine what they’ve learned about themselves and each other. They explore their kindergarten memories, how they manage emotions like anger and sadness, and the impact of self-efficacy and masculinity on their lives.

From heartwarming tributes to practical mindfulness tips, this conversation covers the joys, challenges, and cultural significance unique to their individual identities.

And as we sit alongside them, Adrian and I once again witness the enduring resilience of young Black and South Asian boys.

The Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life →

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

Before this session, my friend and past colleague Adrian and I played around with the Skills Assessment tool developed by The Umbrella Project—ultimately adding two categories called ‘resistance’ and ‘culture’ to discuss with our group of seventh- and eighth-grade boys of colour.

In this episode, we unpack some of the complexities boys face in cultural communities and staying authentic. Siddig stresses the importance of self-compassion and being true to oneself, and Adrian shares candid thoughts on the difficulties of expressing emotions and the vital role of support systems.

We explore the significance of community in overcoming daily challenges and systemic barriers, debate kindness versus respect, and discuss adopting a growth mindset for personal development.

The Umbrella Project, Prepare Your Students for the Rain Of Life →

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we continue our discussion on the power of representation in the media and on screen. Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel explore the impact of seeing themselves in characters like Miles Morales, Naruto, and Will Smith's iconic Fresh Prince. From the startlingly low percentage of BIPOC characters in children’s books to the increase in lead roles of color in films, it’s evident that while progress is being made, there’s still a long way to go.

The takeaway? Representation matters. It fuels dreams, builds confidence, and shows young people the heights they can achieve.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →

The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes →

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

Whether it’s TikTok or Fortnite or the MCU, you can’t talk with preteen boys without talking about media. This week with Betsa, Siddig, Aksayan and Yoel, we discuss the damaging stereotypes in media, the need for more authentic stories, and the powerful impact of seeing oneself reflected on screen and in the media.

The boys share firsthand accounts of how these representations affect their lives and their desires for the future. We also touch on some heartfelt personal stories, illuminating why visibility and accurate portrayal in the media are more important than ever.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, What’s Up Danger →

The Opportunity Agenda, Media Portrayals and Black Male Outcomes →

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

With that in mind, we discuss the dynamics of trust within family and friendships, the impact of racial stereotypes, and the emotional masks boys wear to navigate societal expectations. Through exercises and reflections, we unpack what it means to choose what to show the world and what to keep hidden.

From Betsa’s struggle with being misjudged at school to Siddiq’s battle with exclusion and stereotypes, their stories shed light on the resilience required to stay true to oneself despite societal pressures.

Ashanti Branch, The Masks We All Wear →

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn

This week on Breaking the Boy Code, we explore the intersection of boyhood and race. Seventh- and eighth-graders, Yoel, Betsa, Aksayan, Kamari and Siddig, share heartfelt stories of navigating cultural identity, racial stereotypes, and societal expectations for boys.

We candidly discuss tough topics, including being watched and judged, while also celebrating the rich heritage and customs that shape who these young men are. The episode wraps up with empowering messages on staying curious, proving doubters wrong, and a call to action for positive masculinity. Join us on this inspiring journey to understand and embrace our diverse identities.

Sentell Harper, Alternative Names for Black Boys →

Christina Caron, Why Are More Black Kids Suicidal? A Search for Answers. →

Carl James, We Rise Together →

Breaking the Boy Code is part of the NGM Podcast Network. Next Gen Men is a nonprofit organization dedicated to engaging boys and men in the movement for gender justice. Learn more about our efforts and how you can support us at nextgenmen.ca. Reach out at [email protected] or on social media.

@boypodcast on Instagram, YouTube and Vimeo
@nextgenmen on Instagram and LinkedIn