Reader’s Reflections: There is a story of an old Chinese farmer who lived many years ago. He had one old horse that he used to plough his fields. One day, the horse ran away into the hills. His neighbors said, “What bad luck!” The old man replied, “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?” A week later, the horse returned with a herd of wild horses, which now belonged to the old man. His neighbors said, “What good luck!” The old man replied, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” While his only son was riding one of the wild horses, he fell off and broke his leg.

His neighbors said, “What bad luck!” The old man replied, “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?” The next day, the army came to the village, and took all the strong young men to be soldiers for the emperor. Only the old farmer’s son was spared, because he could not fight with a broken leg. His neighbors said, “What good luck!” The old man replied, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” * I’m sure Elizabeth was initially disappointed that she didn’t have a big enough fortune to enable her to hold Wickham’s affections; now it seems that same lack of fortune is what allowed her to dodge the bullet. Certainly Kitty felt it was extremely bad luck that she wasn’t invited to go to Brighton with Lydia; now we see that she was spared the tragedy of bringing agony upon her family, the way Lydia did. Mrs. Bennet is a foolish, self-centered woman, certainly a terrible role model for her daughters; fortunately, this firms the resolve of Jane, Elizabeth – and now Kitty – to distinguish themselves from her, and makes their efforts to become upright young ladies all the more laudable. And now, the horrible situation Lydia has brought upon her mother and sisters, becomes the very vehicle for Darcy to show to Elizabeth the full glory and goodness of his character.

Reader’s Reflections: When I was a teenager, there were near daily battles between my mother and my older brother, who had taken up smoking. It was a constant source of heartache for both of them, and it made a big impact upon me. I took the strife so much to heart that, to this day, I have never put a cigarette to my lips. My brother also played guitar, acted in school plays, and wrote poetry – he was a superhero to me, and I appropriated eachof these hobbies, because of my hero worship of him. The person he was – and is – has had a tremendous influence on who I have become, and am still becoming. I see the same tendencies in my own daughters. A few years back, I was a little too hard on my older daughter, pressuring her to work harder in school. She responded quickly and effectively;but the response from my younger daughter was even more marked – she is obsessed with school work, homework, grades and classes. I definitely feel that she took what she heard me say to my older daughter, exponentially to heart. Up until this point, Kitty has followed Lydia’s lead, traipsing after soldiers and frittering away her time and mind on superficial things. Even though she’s older than Lydia, she has always followed her younger, bolder sister. Fortunately for Kitty, she witnesses the agony Lydia has brought upon her family without being tied up in it herself, and it firms her resolve to turn herself around, and be more like her older sisters. For better or for worse, we tend to define ourselves by our family members – which traits we want to appropriate, and which ones we want to avoid. Luckily, Lydia came over to the Light Side before it was too late!

Reader’s Reflections: When I was in grade school, I had a friend who was quite spoiled. Her parents would buy the newest toys and the most expensive clothes for her. She didn’t have to clean her room and she was allowed to have sleepovers whenever she wanted. I was green with envy. I always had more than I needed, if not all that I wanted; my parents always made sure I got my homework done and there were pretty clear rules. Years later, my friend told me that she secretly tried to follow all the rules that my mom set for me. I’ll never forget that. I meet so many people in my adult life who seem to have come from families with extremely difficult dynamics. Many of them are dead set on raising their children in the exact opposite way from the way their parents raised them. I appreciate my own parents more and more every year, and when my kids tell me, “You’re turning into grandma!,” I take it as a wonderful compliment! Elizabeth looks at her parents and sees how her father was blinded by her mother’s beauty, how he thought she was sweet-tempered just because she was young, and how dearly he’s had to pay for that mistake for the rest of his life. Seems like Elizabeth’s made it her life’s work to marry with her eyes wide open, and for the RIGHT reasons. Then there’s that awkward moment when the guy whose house you’re creeping comes home and finds you there! Yikes!

Reader’s Reflections: I confess that I have never taken the time and effort to learn to hold my knife and fork quite properly, and I have found myself embarrassed at a few fancy restaurants. My favorite uncle used to eat directly from the buffet tables at restaurants. A guy from my high school has a little sister who became a stripper. These things can be embarrassing, yes; but it’s hard to think of anything that can quite compare with the life-altering shame Jane & Elizabeth are feeling right now. Will the way I hold my knife and fork stop high-class folks from associating with me? I don’t think so. But are there people who would feel funny about marrying into a family that includes members who behave in ways that they find embarrassing, offensive or even immoral? If Lydia has lost her virginity to Wickham and they don’t end up getting married, she may as well have sewn scarlet letters onto the whole wardrobe of all 5 sisters – no one will touch them with a 10-foot pole. And without husbands, the girls and their mother will be homeless and destitute when Mr. Bennet dies. And this horrible situation comes just at the moment when Elizabeth realized she cared for Darcy! It sounds like an altered iteration of Nanny McPhee’s mantra: “When you can have me, but do not want me, then I shall stay. When you want me, but cannot have me, then I have to go.” Lydia’s letter, in which she speaks so carelessly and acts so proud of herself, is a perverse second wound to the rest of her family. I’ll be sure not to call everyone’s attention to my indelicate cutlery-handling the next time I’m in a restaurant! No need to add salt to the wound!

Reader’s Reflections: I can honestly say that I have no recollection of saying my marriage vows for the first time. I know I said them, and I know I’d thought a lot about them beforehand and I truly meant everything in them; but the wedding day was so full of excitement and nervousness and busy-ness that my head was in 1,000 places at once as I stood on the altar. The second time I said them, it was a totally different experience. I felt the words in my soul, I professed them with a presence of mind and of heart that sealed the experience within me. I also had a lot more of an idea of what I was promising when I was 37 than I’d had when I was 24. When you’re 24 and you say, “in sickness and in health,” for the most part all you know of sickness is a cold or the flu. When you’re 37, you and the man you love have seen each other lying in hospital beds, held each other’s hands as you’ve waited for test results, and sat restlessly by watching the other moan in pain that won’t let go. When you’re 24 and you say, “for better of for worse,” you don’t have a very good idea of what worse might actually look like. When you’re 37, you and the man you love have helped each other through the loss of loved ones, unemployment, and major life struggles and tragedies. Elizabeth is so surprised that Darcy not only doesn’t want to run from her, but wants to do everything possible to be pleasing to her and her family, and to have his sister be pleased with her. I guess that’s real, mature love for you – it’s not fragile, it doesn’t break against anger or harsh words, no matter how undeserved. When you truly love someone, you give. You strive for their happiness. Period. It’s no wonder Elizabeth’s feeling a bit swayed. Wouldn’t you?

Reader’s Reflections: When I was in grade school, I had a friend who was quite spoiled. Her parents would buy the newest toys and the most expensive clothes for her. She didn’t have to clean her room and she was allowed to have sleepovers whenever she wanted. I was green with envy. I always had more than I needed, if not all that I wanted; my parents always made sure I got my homework done and there were pretty clear rules. Years later, my friend told me that she secretly tried to follow all the rules that my mom set for me. I’ll never forget that. I meet so many people in my adult life who seem to have come from families with extremely difficult dynamics. Many of them are dead set on raising their children in the exact opposite way from the way their parents raised them. I appreciate my own parents more and more every year, and when my kids tell me, “You’re turning into grandma!,” I take it as a wonderful compliment! Elizabeth looks at her parents and sees how her father was blinded by her mother’s beauty, how he thought she was sweet-tempered just because she was young, and how dearly he’s had to pay for that mistake for the rest of his life. Seems like Elizabeth’s made it her life’s work to marry with her eyes wide open, and for the RIGHT reasons. Then there’s that awkward moment when the guy whose house you’re creeping comes home and finds you there! Yikes!

Reader’s Reflections: C. S. Lewis said, “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” It strikes me that Elizabeth is defending Darcy to Wickham when the former isn’t even there to see her do it. She’s making amends for her mistakes even when the one who was hurt by them can’t see her amends. She’s just doing what is right because it’s right, not for the pat on the back. And, hmm… She had professed her strong feelings against Darcy quite animatedly to his face yet, she is angry at Wickham for having hurt him. It’s a good reminder not to talk about people behind their backs (unless I’m complimenting them!), and to defend those who are right when I hear others attacking them. James Fahy said, “Nothing unites humans like a common enemy,” and clearly that experience forged a quick (though surface) bond between Elizabeth and Wickham when they first met; but though sharing a quick laugh about a 3rdparty with a buddy may feel good in the moment, doesn’t it make each of them afraid of what the other says about him when he is not present? Stick up for people behind their backs, and the people you’re talking to will know that you’ll be sticking up for them behind their backs as well. Seems like this may be a bit of a Beauty and the Beast story – though both men are handsome, Wickham got all the manners and charm but none of the integrity; Darcy is awkward to the point of rudeness but seems to be the one who got all the virtue.

Reader’s Reflections: Even after living with him for several months, and clearly being keenly aware that he is not the most pleasant company, Charlotte seems quite content with her decision to marry Mr. Collins in exchange for security. It must increase Elizabeth’s pain exponentially, to see Charlotte so contented with her decision to marry a much more difficult-to-swallow man, who could offer her many fewer creature comforts, than the one that Elizabeth herself has just refused. Darcy, it seems, though not possessed of the easy surface-friendliness of George Wickham, is quite an honorable and even loving man, and certainly the most well-to-do she has ever met. He declared himself to have been in love with her for months; and in answer, she told him he’s the last man on earth she’d ever marry. Finding out that Bingley truly did love her sister, and that they might have been incredibly happy together, is a poor salve; it pours salt on the wounds that the truth about her family has inflicted: that their indecent behavior has brought utter shame and sadness upon herself and Jane. In all this tragedy, it’s a good thing we have the comic relief of Mr. Collins! “I think we may flatter ourselves that your Hunsford visit cannot have been entirely irksome.” Oh, please! He goes way beyond “fishing for compliments” – it’s more like “whaling for adulation” – it’s embarrassing to hear him speak! Like hearing a skinny person call herself fat, or someone with an immaculate home apologize for the mess – they just need to hear you contradict them! Thanks for listening to this reflection – I’m not a very good writer and my voice is mediocre at best – I just hope that you don’t find the listening to have been entirely irksome!

Reader’s Reflections: I first visited France with my high school French class, and a group of us met with a group of students from Italy, who were staying in the same hotel. I became pen-pals with a young man my age named Gianni, and we wrote to each other regularly for years. Then, in my late teens, I took a trip with other Catholic youth from the Northeast to Italy and France, as part of that year’s World Youth Day celebration. Gianni came a long way to meet me in the part of Italy where our group was staying, and I was thrilled to see him after exchanging hundreds of letters back and forth over the years. Unfortunately, the gentleman at the front desk told Gianni that the hotel was completely full, and there was no room for him. A male friend who was part of our group immediately offered to let Gianni stay in his room that night, and Gianni gratefully accepted. The next day, shortly after breakfast, I was summoned into the room of the leader of our group. He proceeded to scream at me. He said the worker from the front desk recognized Gianni at breakfast and informed my group leader that he must have stayed at the hotel overnight. My group leader assumed that he had slept in my room the night before. He couldn’t believe I would behave this way on a CHURCH TRIP and he told me that I had made him lose his faith in humankind. I was completely speechless. When he was finally done with his tirade, I left the room and sank down against the wall in the hallway near my friends, tears pouring silently down my cheeks. The accusation was so completely unjust and the treatment so unfair that I simply had no words to respond to it. When I first read Darcy’s extremely minimal response to Elizabeth’s accusations, I knew something was a bit amiss but I didn’t know why he had nothing to say. Then I remembered the pain I experienced at the hands of my own accuser that afternoon in Italy and I realized that some accusations are so backwards and undeserved that sometimes there’s nothing you can do but leave … and … write about it later!

Reader’s Reflections: I recently read a great quote from HigherPerspectives.com: “Easy to spot a yellow car when you are always thinking of a yellow car. Easy to spot opportunity when you are always thinking of opportunity. Easy to spot reasons to be mad when you are always thinking of being mad. You become what you constantly think about. Watch yourself.” Similar to the old adage, “When you’re a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” Elizabeth loves Jane and believes her to be kind and sweet, and so she sees anyone who rebuffs her as a villain. She feels flattered that George Wickham and Colonel Fitzwilliam are clearly taken with her, so she judges all of their actions to be sensible and blameless. However, doesn’t it seem odd that Elizabeth can be so forgiving of both Wickham and Fitzwilliam for feeling the need to marry for money, yet so furious with Darcy when she thinks he wants Bingley to marry rich as well? Could this have something to do with being insulted by Darcy behind her back the first time they met? She certainly seems to turn every comment, every visit, every glance of his into an insult or intimidation tactic, even though he repeatedly says that’s not the case. If she first met someone while they had the flu, would she view them as sickly and vulnerable long after they recovered, and point out a headache here, a twisted ankle there, as signs that she is justified in her opinion, ignoring all other data that point to their general strength and good health? And yet, this doesn’t make me love Elizabeth any less – if anything, it makes me even more fond of her, because I can relate so well!