Caleb Can't Read

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TW: Pedophilia, Rape;

Raise a glass and hide your kids, this poet is known for two things specifically: his drunken poetry (cleverly called "wine poetry"), and the other thing... well... yeah, it's all there in the trigger warnings.  Anyway, come with us as we discuss the works of perhaps the most antiquated we've ever covered-- but certainly not the most problematic-- it's Abu Nuwas!

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Sacrebleu!  Join us as we go through the remainder of Jules Verne's life, including some of the most notable works from his twilight years, as well as his ever-straining relationship with his son, a failed assassination attempt from his nephew, and our general thoughts on Jackie Chan.  Hon hon!

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TW: Alabama

You ever wonder why that weird couple wears top hats and corsets with gears on 'em?  Well put on your weird goggles you got from Etsy and strap yourself in to some sort of noun-powered rocket, as we explore such stories as "Journey to the Centre of the Earth", "From the Earth to the Moon, & "Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea"!  Yes, today we are looking at the early career of the man who may not be the inventor of-- but definitely the Godfather of-- Science Fiction, Jules Verne!

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TW: Abuse, Dead kids, Suicide, Torture

Ah, yes.  Here on this wonderful 4th of July weekend, as we celebrate the country's 250th birthday, Nicole and I are here to remind you-- in case you didn't know-- that America was not always such an uncontroversial place.  Indeed, there was even a time that our nation could've been called inept, backwards, and our leadership so deep in corruption that having a dead goldfish in the Oval Office would've done less damage to our people than whatever the hell they're doing now.  But as those times luckily are so far in the past, allow us to introduce you to the author of "Uncle Tom's Cabin", and her family's rivalry against the South, Harriet Beecher Stowe!

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When you think of Lord Tennyson, I'm sure you think of knights errant, beautiful prose, and perhaps the smell of eraser dust as you erase things over and over again and tears well up in your eyes while your teacher stands behind you and refuses to elaborate on what they mean when they say, "No, write it PROPER."  But it may be better to think on Lord Tennyson with memories of insane drunken family members, burning monkey hair, and perhaps a beaten dog or two.

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TW: Child abuse;

Welcome back!  To Caleb Can't Read!  Join us today as we go over the story of a VERY sexually repressed man.  A man so repressed that he probably shouldn't be writing children's stories.  But just as cockchafers couldn't stop Hans, you can't stop us from discussing his most famous stories, such as "The Princess and the Pea", "Thumbelina", and yes, "The Little Mermaid"!

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TW: Dead kids;

We're finally here, to the ending legacy of Lord Byron!  Fraught with love affairs, well-meaning missions, and neglected children-- Lord Byron is truly one of the biggest piles of shit we've covered on this show.  And that's saying something.  Join us as we follow our club-footed companion through his dangerous affairs in Italy... and his untimely death in Greece!

Also, bonus announcement in the back of this episode.  We're not done, just delayed!  See you next time!

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TW: Incest, Pedophilia, Rape, Suicide;

  Well I'm sure you can tell from the trigger warnings, but the second part of our three-part series on Lord Byron has arrived!  Find what happens when a man with questionable morals gets a shitload of cash and spends even more on credit, all while gaining a steady amount of fame for his epic work, "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage"!

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TW: Child Abuse, Dead Kids, Incest, Pedophilia, Rape, Torture;


Welcome!  To Caleb Can't Read Season 7!  This time we're coming in with a bang-- with our cousins!  Join us in our three-part series about how such a bastard comes to be as infamous-- and yet still somehow so loved-- as King of the Fuccbois, Lord Byron!

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For our special 11th author on this season finale, we are looking at the short history of Richard Connell, the author of one of horror's most influential (for better or worse) stories, "The Most Dangerous Game"!