Calling Our Cool Friend

On this very special Saint Patrick's Day, Ben and Dru give their most Irish friend an intervention.

It's a double Waco. Alicia's working on becoming the earth. Ben's hanging with Double Black Diamond. Dru got a slide whistle. Husky Dave's got a rocket launcher. An intrepid young upstart in the ATF named Diane has a trojan horse full of plastic explosives. And finally, closing time. 

You know how sometimes you're trying to watch Zathura and then get carbon monoxide poisoning? Ben gives his assassin performance notes, which leads to a productive correspondence. Dru raves about life in Alicia's compound, which is all very normal and ok. Something about smocks, Iranian leadership, and porygon. 

The Pines Brothers don’t get that Husky Dave saved the day, and they’re pissed off for some weird reason. On a related note, there’s a ski-themed hit man trying to kill Ben, but thankfully he’s bad at his job. Dru talks about life in the compound, and it’s pretty amazing. 

The simp’s gone, which is a good thing for a lot of reasons. No one did anything wrong, and it’s weird that you'd even ask. Alicia gives Husky Dave a well deserved award, which is also a good thing. Ben and Dru learn about Alicia’s new compound, and they’re excited--they're going to be roommates in a bungalow. All in all, it's a really good day.

Mayor Ezekiel Pines Sr. is missing (Dru had nothing to do with it), and the Pines Brothers are pretty broken up about the whole thing. As Ben and Dru weigh how to feel about this horrible man’s disappearance, they see a message from the Simp threatening Alicia. Can Ben and Dru save the day before the Simp goes boner crazy?  (We do not and will not explain what "closet things" are, and our lawyer has advised us to avoid mentioning them.)

Dru was cross about the American Geosciences Institute's rejection of Alicia's message, so he went and did something bad. Faced with the consequences of his actions, he has a low-key panic attack, and Ben has to calm him down. Spoilers for Pokemon: The Movie 2000 

For basically no good reason, the American Geosciences Institute is trying to shut down Alicia's Youtube channel. Ben and Dru do some opposition research on the AGI's board members, and it turns out they're all fossil fuel fat cats. Anyway, it seems like the Pines brothers have something to do with all this, but Dru's going to take care of everything. #DefundTheAGI #RecallMayorPines

Eagerly awaiting Alicia's livestream, Dru teaches Ben a fun fact about malt liquor and suggests a fun activity for them to do as friends.  Alicia's new video explains what "romancing the stone" means in an entirely clear way, but Ben is still confused for some reason, so Dru calmly explains. Again, everything is completely fine. 

Ben and Dru try to trade nature facts, but some nomenclature issues arise. Alicia set up one of those patreons, and it looks like she's got a simp--whatever that means. Also, what's this about "romancing the stone?" Again, all of this is entirely normal, and please stop asking.