Calm Your Caveman

Episode 100 marks the end of the weekly run of Calm Your Caveman. In this milestone episode, I reflect on the journey of creating 100 episodes, the mistakes made along the way, and the surprising gift of imperfection.

We'll explore exercises for uncovering buried goals, examine why perfectionism keeps us stuck, and look at a powerful framework for understanding the true risks of pursuing our dreams.

What if the greatest failure isn't trying and failing? What if it's never trying at all?

We'll talk about:

• Lessons learned from creating 100 episodes 
• Why perfectionism creates anxiety and paralysis 
• An exercise for uncovering goals buried under your fears 
• The three possible outcomes of pursuing any dream 
• Why trying and failing can still be a success 
• The importance of sharing your imperfect gifts with the world

Stay subscribed for future bonus episodes.

⏱️ Timestamps

01:50 — What 100 Episodes Taught Me
04:39 — The Buried Goals Exercise
06:24 — The Three Possible Outcomes of Any Goal
10:29 — Why Not Trying Costs Us More
12:12 — Final Thoughts & Thank You

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/what-would-you-do-if-you-didnt-have-to-do-it-perfectly

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Have you ever known that you felt bad, but couldn't explain exactly what you were feeling? This difficulty identifying and describing emotions is known as alexithymia, and research has linked it to higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress.

In this episode, you'll learn why avoiding emotions keeps them vague and overwhelming, how self-criticism blocks emotional awareness, and a practical technique for uncovering what you're really feeling.

We'll explore:

• Why emotions can be difficult to identif
• How self-judgment blocks emotional awareness
• A stream-of-consciousness technique for understanding emotions
• Why naming emotions often reduces their intensity
• How emotional awareness connects to emotion regulation

⏱️ Timestamps

0:52 — The Skill That Can Reduce Anxiety and Stress
3:25 — Why You Don't Know What You're Feeling
6:23 — Go from Avoiding to Approaching
8:47 — The Nonjudgmental Listener Technique
12:37 — How Emotional Awareness Hurts But Helps
17:20 — The First Step Toward Emotional Freedom

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/you-cant-change-a-feeling-you-cant-name

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Many people believe they only have two choices when strong emotions show up: suppress them or act on them. But what if there's a third option?
In this episode, we explore the science of emotion regulation and how you can change emotions at their source instead of hiding them or being controlled by them. Using the story of a personal trainer whose emotional reaction cost him a friendship and income, you'll discover why emotions often feel automatic—and how to reclaim influence over them.

In This Episode

•  Why emotions can make us feel like we're being pushed around by life
• Why "You made me angry" isn't actually how emotions work
• The difference between suppression and regulation
• A simple 3-step framework for changing emotional responses

By understanding how emotions are generated, you can learn to influence the emotions themselves and create responses that better serve your long-term goals, relationships, and well-being.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:54 — How One Emotional Reaction Changed Everything
04:27 — The Trap Most People Fall Into
06:53 — The Missing Third Option
09:13 — Step 1: Understanding how emotions are generated
12:52 — Step 2: Finding a different meaning
13:47 — Step 3: What matters most in the long run?
18:47 — Emotional differentiation and freedom

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/stop-letting-your-emotions-run-your-life

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Life doesn't always unfold the way we hoped it would. Sometimes doors close, plans fall apart, and despite our best efforts, circumstances refuse to change.

In this episode, I share two practices that have helped me navigate disappointment and adapt to situations I couldn't control. If you're struggling with a closed door, a lost opportunity, or a future that looks different than you planned, this episode offers practical tools for adapting, growing, and remaining open to new forms of happiness.

We'll explore:

• Why disappointment needs to be felt, not resisted
• Why the future contains more possibilities than your mind can imagine
• The surprising adaptability of human beings
• A mindset shift that can help you embrace unexpected paths
• Creating your own personal resilience meditation

⏱️ Timestamps

00:49 — A personal story of disappointment
03:01 — Viktor Frankl: Changing ourselves when we can't change circumstances
03:49 — Part 1: Accepting and feeling disappointment
05:02 — Meditation for sitting with disappointment
06:28 — Part 2: Why the future is bigger than the past
08:53 — The giant tube worm vs. human adaptability
10:43 — Meditation for embracing unexpected possibilities
12:40 — Final reflections: Becoming more than you imagined

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/when-things-dont-work-out-like-you-wanted

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Conflict with other people can trigger intense anxiety, anger, defensiveness, and emotional overwhelm. But what if understanding emotions could completely change the way we handle difficult people? Drawing on principles from emotion science, this episode explains why anger, fear, defensiveness, and stubbornness often make sense once we understand how someone is interpreting their situation.

You’ll learn:
• Why emotions are adaptive responses to perceived threats and changes
• How understanding appraisals helps reduce anxiety in conflict
• How curiosity reduces emotional triggering
• The difference between immature and mature ways of seeing people
• Why understanding others makes the world feel less threatening

Understanding people doesn’t mean agreeing with them. But it can make conflict far less painful and much more manageable.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:45 — How understanding emotions helps with conflict
03:27 — Emotions as adaptive survival responses
04:53 — Fear, sadness, and anger explained
07:61 — Personal story about conflict and compromise
14:23 — Seeing people as understandable instead of threatening
16:04 — Emotional maturity and perspective-taking

For full shownotes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/how-to-handle-conflict-without-more-anxiety

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Anxiety is very good at imagining threatening futures. Hope does the opposite: it helps us imagine that something good could still happen and that we may be able to find ways to meet the demands we’re facing.

In this episode, we explore the psychology and neuroscience of hope, why hope is so important for wellbeing, and one practical reappraisal strategy that can help anxious brains become more hopeful.
We also discuss how the brain uses past experiences to predict the future — and why remembering that “the future is not the past” can completely change the way we respond to challenges.

We explore:

• Why hope is considered the opposite of anxiety
• How hope affects wellbeing and goal achievement
• Why anxious brains predict negative futures
• How memory shapes future expectations
• A powerful reframe for cultivating hope

⏱️ Timestamps

00:58 – Anxiety vs. hope
02:04 – Why hope matters for wellbeing
03:09 – Hope and collective action
04:12 – How the brain predicts the future
07:55 – The airport story
13:17 – Why “the future is not the past” builds hope

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/how-to-cultivate-hope-when-you-feel-anxious

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Forgiveness can feel impossible when you’ve been deeply hurt. But research shows that forgiveness is strongly connected to lower anxiety, lower depression, reduced hostility, and greater emotional peace. In this episode, we explore forgiveness through the lens of anxiety and emotion science. We also discuss the work of psychologist Dr. Everett Worthington, whose research on forgiveness became deeply personal after the murder of his mother. 

In this episode:

• What forgiveness is — and isn’t 
• Why forgiveness reduces anxiety and stress 
• Practical exercises that help forgiveness grow 
• Why forgiveness is a process, not a switch

If you’ve struggled with anger, resentment, or emotional wounds that keep replaying in your mind, this episode offers practical and compassionate tools for beginning the process of forgiveness without denying your pain.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:45 – Why forgiveness matters for anxiety
02:13 – What forgiveness is (and isn’t)
04:59 – Everett Worthington’s story
07:35 – How understanding changes emotion
11:09 – Exercises that help forgiveness grow
15:39 – A personal example of forgiveness

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/how-forgiveness-reduces-anxiety-and-stress

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Big life transitions — like losing a loved one, changing identity, or stepping into a new phase of life — don’t just bring grief. They often bring anxiety on top of everything else.
In this episode, we explore how to reduce that extra layer of anxiety by understanding what’s happening in your brain, and how to work with the process instead of against it.
 
In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why major life transitions feel so overwhelming (it’s not just emotional, it’s neurological)
• What’s happening in your brain during loss and identity shifts
• Why this process is so exhausting, and why that’s normal
• How the emotion of awe can help your brain adapt to a new reality
• How to reduce anxiety by identifying your enduring self

You can’t always avoid grief or discomfort, but you can reduce the anxiety layered on top of it.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:37 – Intro: anxiety during life transitions
02:16 – Strategy #1: understand the process
07:38 – Strategy #2: how awe makes it easier
10:38 – Strategy #3: identify with your consciousness
13:23 – Final takeaway: easing anxiety in painful loss

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/why-big-life-changes-feel-so-overwhelming-and-what-helps

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Can you medicate anxiety away?
In this episode, we take a balanced, research-informed look at the role of chemical manipulation in anxiety — including prescription medications, alcohol, cannabis, beta blockers, and emerging treatments. This isn’t about telling you what to use or not use. It’s about helping you understand how these tools interact with your brain so you can make informed decisions.
 
In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why medications can sometimes help, but don’t replace deeper work
• The risks of short-term relief vs. long-term consequences
• What to understand about:
  • Prescription anti-anxiety medications
  • Cannabis (including tolerance, withdrawal, and dopamine effects)
  • Alcohol and “hangxiety”
  • Emerging treatments like the so-called “anxiety vaccine”

⏱️ Timestamps

00:57 – Intro: drugs & anxiety
02:39 – How chemicals can change your emotions
04:11 – Short-term relief vs. long-term cost
07:12 – Prescription medications
09:03 – Cannabis: risks & addiction
13:14 – Alcohol & “hangxiety”
16:05 – “Anxiety vaccine” explained
17:48 – Why anxiety isn’t a disease
18:58 – Final takeaway: Don’t skip the deeper work; Be aware of long-term effects

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/drugs-and-anxiety

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Avoiding social situations can feel like relief…but over time, it can actually make anxiety worse.
Your brain is constantly asking one question in social situations: “Do I have what it takes to handle this?” If the answer feels like “no,” you go into a threat response—anxiety, self-doubt, overthinking, exhaustion. But if you can shift how your brain sees the situation…everything changes.

In this episode, I share 3 ways to do that:
• Look for connections
• Reduce the unknown
• Accept yourself kindly

These small shifts can move you from avoid → approach.

⏱️ Timestamps

01:13 – Why humans need social connection (even introverts)
03:15 – The “glasses” metaphor: how perception shapes social stress
05:03 – What a threat response looks like in social situations
07:02 – What a challenge response looks like in social situations
10:17 – Strategy #1: Look for connections
14:33 – Strategy #2: Reduce the unknown
18:33 – Strategy #3: Accept yourself kindly
21:49 – Final thoughts: experimenting with your “glasses”

For full show notes, including resources mentioned, go to: https://www.calmyourcaveman.com/episodes/3-ways-to-feel-less-anxious-around-people

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