Carers – Michelle Sparkes

I have just received the news that a friend’s niece has passed from medical complications after a long battle with anorexia. My heart breaks…I have no words….for you who loved her…and for she whom you loved. But I want to stand with you in this moment. In silence more than anything. To acknowledge your immense pain and suffering. To acknowledge her immense pain and suffering. To honour the life of she who has passed. She who struggled so strenuously and for so long against such an incredibly difficult dis-ease and insidiously destructive dis-order. I stand with you in acknowledgment…and in solidarity. I grieve with you, and for you, in your loss. I hold onto a hope that I accept you may not feel or even want to entertain in this moment. That death is not the end. That Love never fails. I hold onto that hope for you and for your loved one. Despite all. I stand with you. I see you…but not nearly as well or as compassionately or as helpfully as He who created you and your loved one…He who knows each hair of your head and hers, and every breath that you and she breathed, He who loves you both in a way beyond description. May He fill you with a hope for yourself and for your loved one in a way that seems impossible in the darkness. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

Dear Carer you are a lifeline to the one you love. I know it can be tremendously challenging to watch someone you love restricting, starving, bingeing, purging or punishing their body. You KNOW these behaviours do not produce health, well-being or happiness. How can you assist your loved one move away from damaging behaviours and towards healing and recovery? Here are 3 key thoughts to help keep the ‘lifeline’ of communication open between you and your older teen.

I started this podcast on a roll about freedom but I got sidetracked by a conversation with a mum who was concerned about her 13-year-old daughter with anorexia and the treatment approach that was being taken. This is my response including a message to her 13 year old daughter. In essence I believe a whole person approach is essential to helping someone recover from anorexia and other EDs. Part of this approach is tackling the eating disorder behaviours, and with anorexia this definitely means addressing the starvation as a priority. I believe it is equally important to (concurrently) address the underlying beliefs, thoughts and feelings that keep the restrictions and disordered eating behaviours in place. I know it is often put forward that the starving brain can’t think rationally, but I know I would have benefited from an approach that included accessing, educating and strengthening the healthy rational part of me that was bound up (but not absent) from my experience of anorexia. I welcome your feedback and questions. [email protected] @mp_sparkes

I was reading a newspaper article this morning about the doubling rates of anorexia in young people under 14 years of age in the UK. We have similar figures in Australia. I thought I’d share some thoughts about how can we (adults) can help build resilience in our kids and younger people. Here are a few quick thoughts:

Commend character – things like honesty, trustworthiness, reliability, being responsible, being diligent.

Praise personal qualities – being caring, a good listener, generous, kind, a lateral thinker, a good organiser.

Identify and nurture natural abilities – artistic, academic, athletic, social, organisational, leadership, diplomacy.

Affirm unique value – no two lives are the same, and every life has tremendous value.

Shore up foundations of security for young people.

Make time to do things with your young person as often as possible. Try and involve them (seamlessly) in activities they can do WITH you such as preparing meals, shopping for food, gardening, fixing things around the home.

Try and have family meals together – this is an known protective factor in reducing risk to eating disorders. Engage in conversation – share something good that happened during the day or something challenging that you can talk through.

If you pray, pray together – this is a wonderful opportunity to add a “super” dimension to your natural capacity to provide support,security and nurture to your child. If you have this ‘spiritual foundation’ in your own life you can share this with your kids and give them something additional to dig deep into when they feel anxious or insecure.

Talk to your children about the messages they get through TV and social media. explore how these impact them and help them look at ways to limit exposure to unhelpful messages.

Encourage your child to build friendships with others around shared interests,especially those that focus on the whole person.

Discuss with your young person the concepts of competition and comparison. Help them navigate this territory so they can consider what is healthy and helpful and what needs to be limited or questioned.

Copyright 2016 Michelle Sparkes

Have you ever wondered about the voices a person with anorexia experiences? Escalating Conflict describes the growing conflict and development of ‘voices’ I experienced as my journey down the scales progressed and my eating disorder “solution” became increasingly untenable. I needed to eat. I hated feeling like a burden on my parents but I was increasingly fearful of losing control and being destroyed. This excerpt from Illuminating Anorexia gives both insider and outsider perspective. It’s me age 15, first person narrative, punctuated by diary entries, with some commentary interspersed from my perspective now as a long-term recovered person and health professional.

I welcome your feedback and questions.

When I first published Illuminating anorexia in 2011 I didn’t think it would be possible to tell the story of a long and complicated eating disorder without some reference to numbers, but then I met Bec, a beautiful 21 year old girl who was anorectic, self harming and recently suicidal. When she told me she would struggle to read a book containing body weight and BMI numbers, I resolved to write an edition of the book without them.

This is now the only edition available.

The truth is, I believe an eating disorder (and anorexia in particular), is a story about numbers – a quest to legitimise one’s value with numbers; a quest to make one’s self “safe” by controlling the numbers. It’s an understandable response to the problem of painful “self” experience, but it doesn’t work because it’s built on a lie. Our value cannot be measured by a number, and controlling calories and kilograms will never make us secure – this ‘solution’ will lead us further away from our desired goal of feeling comfortable in our skin (at peace, and at ease within ourselves). With time, we will find ourselves at the mercy of a ruthless and demanding taskmaster (anorexia), who is never satisfied.

There is more to say on this subject but I believe illumination is the key and first step on the path to recovery, because until we can ‘see’ the nature of the battle in which we are engaged, we will not be in a position to consider our alternatives. We will be fighting in the dark. Many of us will become exhausted and despairing. Some of us won’t make it. This is the devastating truth about anorexia.

If you think you or someone you know, may have or be developing an eating disorder, it is important to seek medical help and get a professional assessment and diagnosis. The sooner you seek help, the better the prognosis for your recovery.

If you are currently anorectic (low weight), please note, I do not believe you have to follow the path I took towards recovery (my rapid weight gain following hospitalisation). I was in the dark in 1978/79, (I believe we all were), but what I learnt in that dark place can help you now, and it’s this…

If you have denied your physical and emotional hunger for a long period of time, and found yourself driven and bound by the anorectic “voice,” you will need help to re-feed your body and soul, to fight the lie(s) and empower your spirit.

You deserve to live. You deserve to take up space.

I hope to write more about this in the days to come but for now, a story to illuminate some truths. The numbers have been replaced with letters (X, Y, Z etcetera). I have done this to maintain the integrity of my story, and to highlight the link and progression of my thoughts, feelings and behaviours as I journeyed up and down the scales. I hope it sheds light on your path and helps you take one step closer to freedom.

If you are currently struggling with an eating disorder, I recommend you read this book with the support of a suitably qualified health professional or counsellor.

This podcast explains why I wrote ‘Illuminating Anorexia’ and describes the first time I recognised that my dieting had “gotten out of control.” It was a wake up call, and yet it would be another year before I was diagnosed with anorexia and began to get the help I needed. Early Intervention is such an important key for recovery. If you identify with this description, this journey, reach out….to myself or someone you trust that can help you find better ways to manage the challenges you face and the difficult feelings inside. You’re not alone. You can recover your life!

This is a radio interview I did with Hamish and Emma on The Dip (94.5FM) prior to the relase of the DSMV. It covers some general info about eating disorders, definitions and differences, media influences, body image, the “perfection lie” and recovery. It should be noted the DSMV no longer includes the 85% expected weight for height criteria that was part of DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Anorexia Nervosa. The sound is not brilliant but there’s some great info here for strugglers and carers. Don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review so others kind find the podcast. Ask questions or suggest topics @mp_sparkes

Originally shot as video and available on YouTube, this is the audio from the final instalment of a 3 part series exploring the precipitating factors that can lead into the development of an eating disorder. I draw on my personal and professional experience. The outcome is clearly unrehearsed and unpolished.  My aim is to scratch below the surface and help you see what is (or might be) going on in your own unique journey. I welcome your feedback and questions.

Originally shot as video and available on YouTube, this is the audio from part 2 of a 3 part series exploring the precipitating factors that can lead into the development of an eating disorder. I draw on my personal and professional experience. The outcome is clearly unrehearsed and unpolished.  My aim is to scratch below the surface and help you see what is (or might be) going on in your own unique journey. I welcome your feedback and questions.