Casual Diehard

This week’s episode of Not A Football Podcast is once again brought to you by Home Sweet Home To - Dot - Me, the Internet’s premier source of Addy Baird commercial reads and pants that will make hosts of this show introduce themselves as looking like Yasser Arafat for a moment if used as headwear,

Learning opportunity! Arafat’s headscarf is a keffiyeh, and the pattern is specifically Palestinian.

Laughing opportunity! The Palestinian chicken episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

These are barely show notes at all, sorry, but it was a long day and the episode really doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

This episode brings the heat, as usual, but if you need more Scoville units, here’s these guys.

We will not be linking to “Boner Bears For Him,” but you can assuredly find it if you need it.

And here’s the hamster video, which does pair well with Rocky Top, as played twice during this epsiode…

In honor of Tom Brady…

And for fun, we have this helpful map of Florida and its teams.

Miami is not included in this, as we are betting against them this week. Our five-way weird vibes parlay…

The BC Boys -7.5 at UConn

“Fuck it, Virginia” +2 vs. Miami

Shitty Wildcats +11 at Iowa

South Carolina -3.5 vs. New Uniform Combo Missouri

Blue & White Checkers +12 at Orange & White Checkers

And last but not least, here’s the Rocky Top playlist…

Hopefully that helps us get back in good with our sponsor, homesweethometo.me, after we bet against the Vols. Enjoy the weekend!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

This week’s episode of Not A Football Podcast is presented by Lane’s Secret. Don’t let your wardrobe slide into Death Valley this week — give it some Juice and open a transfer portal to style. Lane's Secret, proud sponsor of Not A Football Podcast and The Daily Mississippian.

By Jesse Spector

As you can hear if you have the sound up for the video (it’s not really necessary), there were about five minutes left in Alabama-Tennessee when the vomiting, which I brought up on the show, happened.

It’s incredible, and I’m embarrassed that I misidentified Jeremiah Crawford, Tennessee’s left tackle, a 6’5”, 315-pound transfer from Butler (Kan.) CC who had Dallas Turner and Byron Young wondering which circle of Hell they’d just entered.

Obviously I remembered number 75, Jerome Carvin, from the clip because Crawford and Carvin are next to each other, and the motion of tight end Jacob Warren (87) out of the huddle is… you know what, I’m sorry for the mistake, but it really doesn’t matter that much. Alabama lost, and that’s a holiday to college football (even though the Tide still go to the playoff if and when they win out, and Tennessee still has to play Georgia — whatever!).

Meanwhile, Urban Meyer continues to be Urban Meyer, Iowa catches strays without even playing, and Nebraska remains a mysterious and desolate dystopia in search of a sentient sweater vest.

Saturday really was an iconic goalpost teardown, 10/10, no notes. And how is it 10/10? That demands a little mental exercise. What are the 10 elements of a perfect GPTD?

* The home team beat a top-10 team.

* It was the home team’s first win over the opponent in a long time.

* The crowd was big enough that the field rush came from all angles, filling the entire field with a mass of humanity.

* The crowd successfully got the goalpost down.

* Scenes, either before, after, or during the teardown, of students standing on the crossbar, riding the uprights, etc.

* The presence, inside the stadium, of cigars and/or alcohol. (The latter may not seem like a factor, but if someone is popping a drink amid this chaos, it’s because they brought it or procured it to celebrate with it.)

* The goalpost was taken out of the stadium.

* The goalpost was paraded through campus or whatever area is around the stadium.

* The goalpost was heaved by the crowd from some great height, preferably into a body of water.

* Nobody got hurt.

Well done, Tennessee. And while we’re sponsored by Lane’s Secret, of course, we’ve also now got Home Sweet Home To Me, which you can find at homesweethometo.me.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

This week’s episode of Not A Football is brought to you by JUICE KIFFIN, future head coach of the University of Auburn and part of the Lane’s Secret family. 

By Keelin Billue

The gang's all here this week (including at least three pets). Grace, Britt, Keelin, and Jesse break down week 6 of college football and look ahead to week 7.

* Lane is Learning: Lane still doesn’t have the eye contact thing figured out (maybe he stared at the sun too long in that FAU video), but he is closer and closer to becoming sentient. Is it possible an undefeated Ole Miss will face an undefeated Alabama? There is still a chance!

* Texas A&M Narrowly Misses Alabama Upset: A Bryce Young-less Alabama beat Texas A&M by a mere four points (24-20). Redshirt freshman Jalen Milroe stepped in for Bryce Young and was… shaky. Nick Saban reported that Young is improving, it is uncertain if he will be back to face Tennessee this week. Can Alabama maintain an undefeated record without Young? Let’s find out.

* The Brian Ferentz Paradox: In the first half of the Illinois-Iowa game, Iowa had the ball six times and recorded negative yardage on four of those drives. As Iowa continues its downward spiral (first spiral for the Hawkeyes in years), it is difficult not to ask “What, if anything, will change?” As Brian Ferentz’s head is continuously called for, Ferentz shared that he has no plans to make changes to his staff. So, uh, there’s that. This weekend, Iowa has a bye week, but their next game is against Ohio State. So, uh, there’s also that.

* Baseball is Canceled: Baseball, you have taken enough from this collective podcasting collective. You are formally canceled. Football, you now have our undivided attention.

* Bowls of Iron and Juicy Eggs: While there are clear leaders in the SEC, there are a variety of rivalry games that could shake things up. We don’t know what will happen but we do know there will be spite.

* Breaking The Rhule: Grace is not having it with the new unemployed and loaded Matt Rhule sucking up to bratty 16-year-olds. However, the reality is that is exactly the situation Matt Rhule is likely to end up in. But where will he land? Let’s talk about Auburn and Nebraska. 

* What is Nebraska?: Speaking of Nebraska, what exactly is Nebraska? This timeless question is once again being considered when we discuss the Nebraska football landscape and really, the state itself. 

* Who Will Be The King of Cow Town?: So if Matt Rhule does not go to Nebraska, what will stop him from going to Auburn? Let us consider “Sentient Sweater Vest with A God Complex” Urban Meyer in Auburn. He will have to face Saban at least once a year and is guaranteed to break up some marriages. As a podcast collective, the chaos is magnetizing.

* Vibez Pickz: What’s that saying…”You can pick your friends, you can pick your bets, but you can’t pick your friends bets?” No, that’s not it. Here are some bets, as friends, we picked together: Kansas (over Oklahoma), Indiana (over Maryland), Georgia (over Vanderbilt), UNC (over Duke). That’s right. We are favoring mostly underdogs this week, and you’ll like it!

* It’s Been [2] Weeks Since The Last Goal Post Came Down: We’ve been keeping track, and no goal posts were harmed in this week of college football.

Tune in next as we bring you the latest coaching updates, game results, and MORE betting picks!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

There’s not really anything to say today as far as show notes. It’s interesting, for sure, to go back the day after Game 2 — the day of Game 3 — and hear what I called “processing a lot of shit” while it was happening, during the part of Game 1 immediately after Emma Stone was shown on the Jumbotron in her Padres gear and booed.

We really were, though, even though the game was… the game.

And here’s a little bonus cover art for you… LFGM.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

By Jesse Spector

In addition to grabbing Keelin’s words from yesterday’s show notes, I’m not going to try to duplicate that format! I’m going to expand a little bit on Jeff McNeil’s batting crown and other end-of-season stats.

McNeil is the first Met in 11 years to win a batting title, and the first Met ever to lead the majors in average. Miguel Cabrera batted .344 in 2011 to edge the Mets’ shortstop who won the club’s first batting crown.

Pete Alonso tied Aaron Judge for the major league lead with 131 RBI, and his National League-leading total of 16 intentional walks trailed only Judge (19) and José Ramírez (20) in the majors. The only other time a Met won the National League RBI crown was 1991, when Howard Johnson knocked in 117 runs, again trailing a Tiger — Cecil Fielder (133) — for the major league lead. It’s the first time a Mets slugger has led the Senior Circuit in intentional walks, and the first time for a New York NL leader since Duke Snider’s 26 in 1956… or, if you want to be pedantic about “New York NL” and not “Brooklyn,” Mel Ott’s 13 in 1934. Ott trailed Jimmie Foxx, who was intentionally walked 17 times for the Philadelphia A’s.

It might have been a #markcanhasummer, but it obviously involved Mark Canha getting hit by a lot of pitches. Twenty-eight, to be exact, the most in baseball, as part of a team that set a modern record by getting in the way of 112 pitches. Canha can comiserate with teammate Brandon Nimmo, who got plunked 22 times to also lead the majors four years ago — also with a former Mets prospect leading the American League: Andrés Giménez (25) this year, Carlos Gómez (21) in 2018. Canha’s HBP total was the most by any major leaguer since Anthony Rizzo got drilled 30 times for the 2015 Cubs. Nimmo was “only” hit 16 times this year, tied for fourth-most in the NL with Jake Cronenworth and Kyle Farmer. Along with Starling Marte (unlucky 13), Alonso (12), McNeil (11), and Francisco Lindor (10), there were six Mets in double figures for getting hit by pitches. Out of a total of 24 players in the National League.

Those six men — Canha, Nimmo, Marte, Alonso, McNeil, and Lindor — now walk together (and rub some dirt on it) into baseball history, as they have joined (per Stathead) only one other such group in baseball history: the 1899 Baltimore Orioles, whose manager had to wince at Steve Brodie getting hit by 23 pitches, Jimmy Sheckard 18, Bill Keister (what an aptonym) 16, Ducky Holmes 15, and Candy LaChance 10 times.

That’s only five players, because the manager was, like Buck Showalter, a Baltimore Orioles manager who made his way to New York’s NL club a few years later: John McGraw, at that time a 26-year-old player/manager — his first season in the role he’d win the 1904 pennant and 1905 World Series in with the Giants.

McGraw didn’t just get hit by 14 pitches in 1899, he led the league with 124 walks, 140 runs scored, and a .547 on-base percentage. He also stole 73 bases, and did one more thing that Showalter didn’t do this year: got ejected five times.

It may not last, but for now, Showalter not only has the highest career winning percentage as Mets manager (.623 — Davey Johnson is the multi-season leader at .588 from 1984-90, he was tossed 13 times), but the most games managing the Mets without getting the heave-ho.

The man who once succeeded Showalter in the Bronx, Joe Torre, is the Mets’ managerial ejection leader with 24 during his 286-420 tenure in Flushing. When and if Showalter does get the business end of an ump’s thumb (guess who), the Mets’ no-ejection record will revert to Roy McMillan and his 53 games in charge after succeeding Yogi Berra in 1975.

McMillan got the Mets in striking distance by Labor Day, when Tom Seaver, on the way to his third Cy Young, pitched a four-hitter (in a tidy hour and 55 minutes) against the Pirates to close the division gap to four games and pick up his 20th victory of the year. But the next night, Pittsburgh blitzed Jerry Koosman for eight runs in 3.2 innings (homers by Bill Robinson, Manny Sanguillen, and Rennie Stennett) and rolled to an 8-4 win. Felix Millan and Mike Vail got the Mets on the board with back-to-back one-out doubles in the first inning of the rubber game, but after a walk to Dave Kingman, Rusty Staub bounced into a 4-6-3 double play. Bud Harrelson made an error on a Willie Stargell grounder to allow the Pirates to tie the game in the fourth, and Robinson’s homer off Jon Matlack in the seventh effectively ended the Mets’ season. The next series against the Cardinals was a repeat: Seaver winning, Koosman and Matlack losing, and a sweep in Montreal meant that when the Mets got another crack at Pittsburgh, out at Three Rivers, they were nine games back. They wound up 10.5 games out in third place.

These Mets? They wound up with 101 wins, same as the team that now gets a bye to the division series.

That’s where you can get on the train to the playoffs.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

By Keelin Billue

This week’s episode of Not A Football Podcast is brought to you by Lane’s Secret. Add some Juice to your wardrobe with looks that will never leave you feeling like you’ve been fired and stranded at the airport. Turn your closet into a transfer portal to style. Lane's Secret

* Why Do We Talk About Lane So Much?: It’s getting a little weird honestly. When are we going to stop talking about Lane? People are wondering.

* Alabama Takes The Wheel: Georgia narrowly avoided an upset by unranked Missouri which puts Alabama a bit more firmly in the top spot. Does this really matter? Maybe?

* The Curse of Kansas Being 5-0: Grace points out that Kansas is 5-0 for the first time since 2009. Coincidentally, the (OR NOT?) the last time the Yankees won the World Series. Some magic may be afoot, but for the sake of non-Yankees fans everywhere, I sure hope not.

* Utilizing the Transfer Portal: Former Nebraska QB Adrian Martinez (22 years old) played at Nebraska for four years before transferring to Kansas State, who are now 4-1 overall and in second place in the Big 12. This is just one case that makes use of the transfer portal interesting as players have more agency in their college football journey. What responsibility do players and schools have in holding up their end of the deal?

* Oklahoma is in Sad Town: Oklahoma is currently 3-2 overall and 0-2 in conference games. They may have a chance next weekend as they take on Texas, who are also 3-2 but 1-1 in conference games. No matter who wins, someone is going to be in Really Sad Town after that game.

* Is UConn Good?: Okay, maybe UConn is not good, but they are maybe competent with a 2-4 overall record (2-1 at home). They are in fourth place out of the independents, right under Notre Dame. How the tables have turned!

* Is Iowa a PsyOp? Is it Performance Art?: Britt asks what we are all wondering. What exactly is Iowa? Iowa lost to Michigan, 27-14, last weekend and will face Illinois next weekend, where we expect more of the same.

* Nick Saban Hates Dogs, Otters, and Puppies: Please don’t sue us for libel and/or slander. This is theoretical, but it really makes you think, right?

* Ohio State’s Boring Cult of Personality Thing: Urban Meyer, Jim Tressel, and Woody Hayes are just a few vile henchmen that are part of Ohio State’s continuous cult of personality. Britt hangs the title on this episode with a beautiful three-word phrase. If you listen to nothing else, tune in for that.

* *dings dinner bell* IT’S BETTIN’ TIME: Pony up! This week we are betting on Kansas (vs. TCU), Tennessee (vs. LSU), Texas (vs. Oklahoma), and Purdue (vs. Maryland). Jesse shares that he has made money. I think he should give me a cut of that since I was super confident and bold about the Falcons winning against the Browns last week. The bankroll stands at $63.92.

Join us next week to see if Alabama stays in control, we prepare for Michigan (4) taking on Penn State (10), and LANE LANE LANE.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

By Keelin Billue

This week’s episode of Not A Football Podcast is brought to you by Lane’s Secret. Add some Juice to your wardrobe with looks that will never leave you feeling like you’ve been fired and stranded at the airport. Turn your closet into a transfer portal to style. Lane's Secret.

Also, the coast is clear: we do not talk about Urban Meyer this week! You are safe to proceed.

* Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Goal Post: No. 10 Arkansas lost to Texas A&M in a fantastic, doink-laden Saturday affair, with Razorbacks kicker Cam Little attempting a 42-yard field goal which should’ve at least counted for one point.

* 2 Hot 4 Etsy: Jesse has not paid our Willets Pen store fees on Etsy, which is demanding immediate restitution of $0.00 to restore the account. Help him pay his debts by signing up for our newsletter. As soon as we get out of debt, we can work on our bespoke NFL sideline capes.

* Is Wake Forest Good?: In a continuation of “ Is [X Team] Good?”, gather ‘round to let us talk about a strange little school (enrollment ca. 5,400) with a mascot that is trying to claw his way out of the uncanny valley and into the college football playoff. But maybe next time after they lost to Clemson.

* Okay, but Really Are Florida and Tennessee Good?: Longtime SEC fan Britt is perplexed at a world where Florida and Tennessee could or might be good. The shifting landscape of the SEC is perplexing, but one thing holds true: Alabama and Georgia will remain at the top.

* Jesse Wants to Play A Game: Jesse made Britt guess some of the interesting picks in the AP Top 25. Some of these teams include… well, I am not going to reveal them because you should listen and play along, as this game will never happen again.

* Lane’s Secret Dot Com: Ole Miss is going to play A REAL GAME next week against no. 7 Kentucky. Will Lane Supremacy continue? Am I going to be canceled for saying “Lane Supremacy?” Join us next week to find out!

* Playoffs, Schmayoffs: Folks, there is just not enough room on the boat to the College Football Playoff. So what’s in it for the rest of the teams? They have to take the BIG GUYS (and some goal posts) DOWN?

* Sports That Are NOT Football: True to our word, this is not a football podcast.

* The Dutch, Australians, and (U.S.) Southerners: Congratulations to the Geelong Cats, champions of the men’s grand final in the Australian Football League. If they wanted to celebrate at Waffle House, how could they do that in Australia? And if, as Britt says, watching Australian football is like hearing someone speak Dutch, what are the implications for the Dutch watchers at Aussie podcast and Yazoo City, Mississippi, advertising firm Boonta Vista?

* Jesse Goes Betting on The NFL: Jesse is a huge bettor now. Britt and I helped him pick some teams. I didn't realize Jesse was betting when I suggested the Falcons, but it was purely based on vibes. That’s on him for listening to me though. I think he should also bet on the Colts, but I think he picked my beloved but un-good Titans. Don’t listen to me anymore, Jesse! I beg you! (Our actual NFL Week 4 vibes parlay is Cincinnati -3.5, Kansas City -2, Las Vegas -2, and yes, Atlanta +1.5).

Tune in for Week 5 where Jesse reports back that he lost money, Lane reveals another secret (an L or W), and some hate mail from the Dutch and Australians.

Thanks for reading and listening! Use code SECRET for 10% off an order at Lane's Secret today!

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

The Mets Are Good, But Never Not Weird

By Addy Baird

On Tuesday night, one day after clinching a playoff spot, the Mets were down 4-0 against the Brewers, and Jesse and I were on the podcast, writing off the game. Of course they’ll lose right after they clinch! That’s the Mets for you, baby.

Besides, this clinch, this week doesn’t feel quite like the celebration we all want it to. Yes, the Mets are in the playoffs, but we all — fans and team alike — want more. This team deserves to win the division, and frankly, I think they will, because, once again, the 2022 Mets keep finding new ways to surprise and delight us: Tuesday, with a Pete Alonso three-run home run, and then, blessedly, a grand fucking slam from Fransisco Lindor. You really, really love to see it (or hear about it from your podcast co-host in real time because you’re concerned about jinxing it if you turn on the game during the rally).

As I tweeted after the win, I think I finally truly believe the Mets are good. The Mets are good! They’re going to the playoffs! We are going to watch the Mets play huge, important baseball in October and it’s going to rule. I am very happy about this, and I am also not as happy as I want to be.

Because the thing is — the thing always is — that though the Mets are good, they are never not weird, as Jesse aptly put it while doing live play-by-play of that bonkers victory. Take, for example, Max Scherzer’s return from the injured list in which he pitched six perfect innings and was (rightfully! And yet still annoyingly!) taken out of the game, or the fact that they’ve made history this year with the all-time single season hit by pitch record. Or, of course, how the Metsies started playing their worst baseball right as they hit their allegedly easiest schedule stretch of the year, got swept by the Cubs, and then went on one of their longest win streaks of the season. Or Steve Cohen, richest owner in baseball, apparently sitting in the nosebleeds in Milwaukee trying to convert Brewers fans to Mets fans. Or the fact that Edwin Díaz hasn’t blown a save since May. (Knock on wood.) 

None of these things is inherently bad, and in fact many of them are actively good, but all of them have a little underlying vibe of “Huh!” And even with a playoff spot clinched, there is still a thread of strangeness (braided with excitement and a thirst for Atlanta’s blood).

Tell me if you think I’m not taking my own advice to respect the Mets as they are right now, but I don’t think I’m moving the goalposts. It is out of a level of respect for them that I think we should all refuse to take our collective foot off the gas. For now, I think Daniel Vogelbach captured the vibe perfectly:

After a long, successful day at work, Daniel, like all of us, deserves to sit down, stare at his phone, and drink a nice Bud Light. I never thought I’d find myself evangelizing Bud Light, but I think it was the perfect alcohol choice to celebrate the clinching that was not The Clinching. Light beer is going to feel much better than champagne the next morning, and we’ve got work to do.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com

This episode of Pod At The Park is from the September 12, when the Mets… they played the Cubs. Let’s just leave it there. But the beauty of Pod At The Park is that we don’t need a good game to have a good show, and this is a good one with writer and Mets Twitter stalwart Danielle Sepulveres. We know that the Mets didn’t come back to win this game, but they certainly did turn things around after that series.

Pete Alonso

That’s not a lot of words, so here’s some more, it’s a little thing I used to do on Twitter, and miss doing… going back through players’ home run logs and finding their first homer, then finding the first homer that pitcher gave up, and so on, until you either reach someone whose first homer was off someone giving up their first homer, or until the 19th century. It’s a fun little game to play with Baseball Reference.

To bring this game here to Willets Pen, there’s only one sensible guy to start.

PETE ALONSO’S HOME RUN CONNECTOR

Off Drew Steckenrider, 4/1/19

Wilmer Flores, 8/19/17

Off Heath Bell, 8/11/13

Damion Easley, 8/30/04

Off Rick Aguilera, 9/20/92

Andrew Dawson, 6/16/85

Off Buzz Capra, 5/18/77

Nate Colbert, 4/25/72

Off Jack Billingham, 4/24/69

Nate Colbert’s homer was the first allowed by Jack Billingham

This isn’t just unusual because it cuts off before the beginning of Mets history, but also because of the extremely Mets tint to the whole thing. Flores, Bell, Easley, Aguilera, and Capra all spent time in Flushing. So, we’ll probably see Steckenrider in Flushing before too long.

Also, Billingham went on to become a steady arm for the Big Red Machine. In 1969, though, as an Astros rookie, he gave up homers to the following players, in order:

Nate Colbert

Willie McCovey

Johnny Callison

Dick Allen

Roberto Clemente

Rico Carty

Tommie Aaron

Henry Aaron

Fred Whitfield

Ernie Banks

Jim Hickman

Ron Slocum

That’s four Hall of Famers (plus Allen, who will be eventually) out of 12 homers. Allen was a seven-time All-Star, while Colbert, Callison, Carty, and Hickman combined for nine more All-Star selections.

How did Lindor get a Mark Canha Summer t-shirt? It’s a mystery, for sure, but you can get one at markcanhasummer.com ;)

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit willetspen.substack.com