Cautious Optimism: An Infertility Podcast

This week we continue with our mini couples interviews with our amazing Karly and Jordan. Their faith and hope is tangible as they answer each question and unknown with the deepest of Cautious Optimism! Together they work on seeing things from an eternal perspective and practice vulnerability as they share their true emotions and fears with one another and loved ones. Tune in to hear the intimate details  of their experiences together as they have learned to laugh, cry, and look for the evidences of God’s love in the details of their waiting and actions of faith. Thank you Karly and Jordan, God truly is the Gardener tending to all your blessings. 

Today's mini episode features an intimate interview with our lovely Chelsey and James Vreeken! They get personal with the  honest truth of marital challenges that are commonly present when the road to parenthood is longer than expected.  We get their advice on how to work through  feelings of failure and blame connected to infertility  together as a couple.  We highlight the parts of their relationship that are most affected by this trial and how couple's therapy combined with individual therapy has  helped them to navigate and process the stresses of this journey.  James and Chelsey choose to invest in their relationship in creative ways by finding individual hobbies that bring purpose and joy in face of the heavy identity that infertility can bring.  We admire their sacrificial teamwork that has helped them to find answers for their family as well as their beautiful ability to laugh at the comical and  unbelievable situations that this topic brings to our marriages. 

Welcome to our first guests...our Husbands! We are so grateful they are willing to share their perspectives and thoughts on all things infertility. This week we hear from Jordan, Stephen and James as they discuss the varying emotions that accompany infertility. They share the heartbreak of watching the woman you love endure the unimaginable, as well as the complicated emotions that we all experience. Ultimately, they conclude that the desire to be a father drives their commitment to never giving up and finding cautious optimism through it all. 

This week we continue to learn more about Karin's story. She shares about the trauma and heartbreak that came as she encountered loss after loss and the hopelessness that followed. The complete loss of control, fears and endless questions that enveloped her in this time of her life helped her to turn to God in the most personal way and she relied on her faith more than ever before.  Karin shares that even though there are dark moments in this struggle, HOPE IS NOT LOST. Her son Leon is the miracle that she never dreamed could ever, would ever become her reality. Karin shares that despite all the pain, suffering and grief that leaves a lasting scar, she will never, ever give up or stop trying to grow her family.

Our next two episodes we are honored to hear from Karin as she shares her story. We are so grateful to have a perspective different than what our listeners have heard thus far and we know so many will relate to her story. For Karin and Stephen, getting pregnant has never been the problem...It is, unfortunately, the staying pregnant part. Karin shares the heartbreaking details of her first experience with pregnancy/motherhood as one that has left her "forever changed". It was an experience that went in an unexpected yet all too common direction for many women who have suffered loss. Karin has persevered through not just one, but six losses over the past few years. Karin exudes faith, love and is an example to all of never giving up and to never stop trying-even when "waiting is the hardest part". 

One question we have all been asked is "What can I do to support/help you?" and we wish we knew the answer for each and every person who has/is struggling with infertility. Unfortunately, the answer is different for everyone-and sometimes we don't know the answer. However, what we can share are ways we have felt loved, supported and carried through our hard moments. In this episode, we each share some ideas of how to be there for those around you who are living in a space of struggling to become a mother. We each are so thankful for the support we have felt from family, friends and one another during the tough moments this life has to offer. These suggestions are not going to work for everyone but we hope they give you some insight into how to love and support those around you going through infertility. "Doing something is better than doing nothing."

It's the most wonderful time of the year! But at times it can be the most difficult time of the year when dealing with a broad spectrum of all different kinds of grief. In this episode, we discuss how we have strived to stay cautiously optimistic during the holidays as well as how others have done the same  through various challenges.  Listeners submitted answers to the question: How do you find cautious optimism when dealing with personal grief and pain during the holiday season? We share some of the inspiring messages and discuss how we can all find the gratitude and joy during this festive time of year even when it is not easy to do so. 

"The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That's how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, I'll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, I'll become saccharine and won't develop much compassion for other people's suffering. Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible. " -Francis Ward Weller

In this episode Chelsey continues her story of becoming a mother to her son Oliver. Chelsey and her husband James loved this little boy from the first time they set their eyes on him. Chelsey shares how she has experienced the reality that love heals all as she has watched her little boy conquer more than anyone thought he could. Though the road to being a mother was not easy by any means for Chelsey, it is nothing short of miraculous. 

This week we hear from Chelsey as she fills us in on her story to become a Mom. Chelsey talks about her experience with IVF and how she felt she needed to try something totally different after multiple tries and no success. She shares about the pivotal moment when she and her husband James decided to pursue foster care which led them to their son Max. Chelsey shares how this was one of the most amazing and also most heartbreaking times in her life. Though things did not work out as they had prayed for and hoped for with their first foster son Max, Chelsey and James were prepared for an incredible journey to foster and ultimately adopt their son Oliver. Chelsey has always had more room in her heart than can be measured and her story of love without limits is proof of the amazing woman and mother she is!

In this week's episode we hear from Karly as she fills us in on the rest of her infertility journey up to today. She shares about the second, and third rounds of IVF that she endured and the outcomes that followed. Despite the challenges life seems to throw at us, Karly shares how she strives to always find something to be grateful for: supportive friends and family, a cute dog Sox, her faith and the future. Being cautiously optimistic sometimes means being okay with not knowing what comes next-or when that next step comes. It is so very true in life that "Hard is the constant...the variable is our reaction to the hard." -Stanley G. Ellis