Changing the Rules

Guest Co-host:  Bill Hughes:  [email protected]

Podcast Guest:  Andrei Jablokow:  [email protected]

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:02

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:17

Morning, everybody, and welcome to changing the rules a show about the luckiest people in the world. And what you're going to find today is that the luckiest people in the world are those people who craft their own lives, they personally develop the life that they want to live. And then they go out and they live in under their own terms, and they take control and, and that often means changing the rules that other people have given to us and making them work for them. Unfortunately, rules usually tell us what we have to do or what we can't do. And the luckiest people in the world find a way to modify those somehow. So today we have Bill Hughes back as our co-host, and we have Andrei today the famous Andre, the Professor of Engineering at Drexel University, among other things. And Bill why don't you introduce Andrei?

Bill Hughes01:12

Andrei Jablokow. How am I say my saying that right? I'm

Andrei Jablokow01:18

not saying those people pronounce the pronounce that Yablokow. It's the J is like a Y in a W somewhere between a v and f and the middle is just like It looks complicated.

Bill Hughes01:30

Right? Anyhow, Andrei, if 

Ray Loewe01:32

You notice I didn't I didn't even attempt the last name.

Bill Hughes01:37

Well, you know, us, us English here. We like to pronounce everything, as we see it, but that Jablokow?

Andrei Jablokow01:44

Jablokow, you got it.

Bill Hughes01:47

Good, so Andrei is an accountability coach, international lecturer, and engineering professor, as a coach and lecturer Dr. Jablokow works with executives and professionals to help them realize their vision, develop leaders and enjoy freedom. The doctor started his career as an engineering professor and has taught over 10,000 students in mechanical engineering. Andrei has a unique ability to explain complicated things in a simple way, identify the root cause of an obstacle, and get people moving in their right direction.

Ray Loewe02:25

Alright, Andrei, right now you got to perform, you got to show off all those things? 

Andrei Jablokow02:29

No, I don't I don't perform a really bad circus act. Just so you know.

Ray Loewe02:33

So let's start with a question that we're going to hit right now. And the question is what now? So that's a very generic question.  It's a fascinating concept. So let's give this a little bit of definition, either Bill or Andrei. And then let's start to explore what now? Are we talking about the pandemic Bill?

Bill Hughes02:58

No, I think we're talking about just the world in general because the pandemic is just symptomatic of some of the things that were changing as it is and just became more pronounced as a consequence. But I think a lot of people become more introspective over that period of time. Some people have gone in other directions, for sure. But the question always comes up. So what now?

Andrei Jablokow03:22

I think you bring up a great point, Bill. I think you're right on it. I think people have had a chance to look back. And, and only and look forward, I think there's some people that still have somewhere between the television, news, and social media between their ears. But when they get out of that, they'll quickly realize that this pandemic thing was a flashlight. Right should have been a flashlight a long time ago to do what Ray talks about is changing the rules, and being able to live life on your own terms. So you know, along that line, what should you be doing now? I think, you know, I've got two sets of friends on social media now. I've got some that are adding five pounds a year to their waist. And I've got others that are really getting fit and healthy. And I think if you're if you're going to come out of this pandemic, whatever, you know, whatever it ends up looking like, and if you're not stronger and healthier and getting more sleep and more sunshine and more time with people that you love, then something's not right. Okay. And that's where you need to go is to look at what do you want to do? I mean, I, I really think that it's simple. And I think Ray is on to something here. Okay. It's really simple to learn how to live and I think over the past 18-19 months, I think was an opportunity for people to explore, just how do you live? What are the rules for that?

Bill Hughes04:57

Well, you made a real simple suggestion. A while back that everybody ought to be doing at least once a day if possible. And what is that?

Andrei Jablokow05:08

Getting outside. Just getting, you might have to walk, taking a walk, just take a walk outside every day, 30 minutes, 40 minutes, you can even start without that. Don't take the walk, forget about it, because that's too much work. Just put your walking shoes on. Because while you already have them on, go while I'm here, I'm as go on a walk you know.

Ray Loewe05:35

Okay, so I think what you guys are alluding to is the fact that we've had a wake-up call that we always used to do things kind of the same way we got up in the morning, we got in the car, on the bus, we commuted to work, we spent time with associates in a constrained environment, we came home, whatever it was, and now we realize that we've had a year or two here where those things have all changed. We don't have to get up necessarily and go into the office. There's a whole bunch of people out there that are rethinking jobs, that aren't going back to work anymore. Okay, so So if we're sitting here, as individuals, what are some of the things that uh other than take a walk Andrei, although that's really the essence of it, just get outside and do something, but what are some of the things that we ought to do that we have the opportunity to do now that we didn't think we had the opportunity to do before, to change our lives and to get them under control? 

Andrei Jablokow06:44

Well, you know, you bring up an interesting point, we could come up with a laundry list of things that we can do and change. But as humans, we're not so good at that. Because whether you were going to the office every day and working with people and commuting and coming back, and so on, you've come home now. And you know, what's interesting is my father tells the story when he retired, is that he didn't know when he found how we found time to work because he was busy. Okay, his cup is full, everybody's cup is full. You're out of time, whether you've been working, commuting, or now you've been staying home. And now you're trying to redefine what work would be and your former employer may be trying to get you to come back. And I think they need to resell it because I don't think people are going to go back into the box. But you know, your cup is full. And so you talk about what should we do. And I think the problem is that if I give you one thing new to do, you might say you might be really committed to it and want to do it. But two weeks in, you won't be able to sustain it. Because your cup has been full. And so to add anything new, add anything new, something's gonna have to go, something's gonna have to be put out. And you're going to have to learn how to simplify. Because I think not only if we've been staying at home when we talked about habits, and I've got eight books on habits and building habits and things like that habits are easy to pick up especially bad ones. And so now I have to remove those because even now I'm home, I'm saying I don't have time, and I'm saying well, you should go outside for a walk. Or you should spend time with your with a loved one or you should read a book you go how I still don't have any time. So how do you simplify? And how do you start new things is challenging. 

Ray Loewe08:43

Alright, I have a suggestion. Okay, and you guys pick up on this. So I have found that one of the things that's helpful to me is to sit down, usually once a month for about 10 minutes, it doesn't take any more than that. And write down what are the things that are working in my life? And what are the things that aren't working in my life? And the goal is to be able to get rid of some of the things that aren't working or change them to make them work. And that's, I think, how you figure out how to make space for the things that you want to do. Now there's more to this too, and I'll come back to that later. But let's start with what's working, what's not working. So what do you think and how do we do it?

Andrei Jablokow09:32

I think it's a great start to reevaluate and assess where you are. But you know, I've been teaching Newton's laws for a long time. And, uh, you know, Newton's law everybody does that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So the minute I start doing something new, I've decided I'm going to change it's not working for me anymore and I move out on this path. I immediately find with resistance From the world, from the people around me, and from whatever, and I can force it, I can push it. I don't know whether I'll be able to sustain it for very long. But it is really, really interesting. What people do when it gets difficult when I was studying Taekwondo, I met one of the masters, we were getting changed into our uniforms and so on. And he asked me, Did you sign up, for the monthly program? Or did you pay for three years upfront? I said? What should I do? What do you think I should do? He said, Well when he'd signed up, the grandmaster asked him, was the same question you want to sign up for the monthly the three years, I said, Why should I do the other one? He said, well, with the monthly when it gets hard, you're going to want to quit? Yeah, okay. When is it going to get hard about the second week? And so that's the problem is most the thing that stops most people from executing on exactly what you say, Ray? The thing that stops most people is the start. Okay, here's one great, you also have a formula to don't you. F=MA, but that's just Newton's law. Yeah. Force equals mass times acceleration. And that's all I'm dealing with people. And so how do you build this new thing that you want to change Ray? How do you build it into a routine, that over time, you know, it becomes that thing we had 20 months ago, where you get up, you brush your teeth, you move around on the floor for 15 minutes, you know, you read you do whatever your devotional is, and then move on, you've got to create that for yourself in a healthy way. 

Ray Loewe11:50

Okay so let me make another comment. Because you're absolutely correct. You get that resistance, you want to quit, the people that I find that know what they want, and are passionate about it, or have some sort of accountability system are able to do that. Now your taekwondo example of paying for three years in advance kind of builds in well you're gonna lose that money if you don't stay there, right. And not only that, but you've got that accountability system in place. So talk about this a little bit? Because you're absolutely correct. It's easy to say, what's working and what's not working, it's easy to come up with, these are the things I don't want to do anymore, or I want to fix. But now the question is, how do you handle the resistance? So why Dr. Andrei? How do you do this?

Andrei Jablokow12:47

So you can use any number of methods, a simple spreadsheet or a logbook has worked in physical fitness training for years that certainly works is to just write down, you know, plan every week, what are you going to do? Or even every day, the night before? What are you going to do? And again, if you don't control your time, it will control you. And then you write down exactly what you did and what you ate. And you know, did you have that meeting with yourself to do the things you want to that's one way to do it, there are online systems where you can you know, the rule, the rule is to don't break the chain, once you start doing something on a regular basis, you don't want to break the chain. I've been studying a foreign language. Now, there's a little program called Duolingo. And it's a game and you play it every day. But I'm up to 592 days in a row without missing a day of 10 minutes of practicing, you know, foreign language. So you can do that you can also have a coach. Okay, now I've had a lot of coaches, and most of them were too soft. For me, I'm kind of an edge coach, I kind of hit you upside the head. And some people just don't like that, because I can be kind of irritating. But the point is that you can have somebody just to know that you've got to check in with somebody, you know, you can have it just a partner, you don't need a coach, you find one other person that wants to do it with you. You know, my aunt and uncle smoked forever, and one of them decided they wanted to quit wasn't going to happen. Because the other one is still smoking, you have to do it together. You've got to be your own accountability partners okay. So it's the same thing here is how do you find an accountability partner or you have a coach that helps you with that accountability, too. And I think the other thing is that the coach helps with is that we're really good as people at coming up with excuses for why something won't work. And somebody's got to peel that onion away. To find out what does work and it goes back to what You said, Ray, it's the people who know why they're doing it, what they're passionate about, the reason why they're doing it because when it gets really challenging and everything, everything gets really challenging. If you don't have a strong enough reason for doing it, you'll just give it up.

Bill Hughes15:20

I know. And that that comes up to the thing that I've witnessed many times on the calls that Ray hosts Thursday in the morning and in the evening. And, the really interesting people usually go through some kind of really crazy event that kind of wakes them up. But in many cases, it might be as simple as knowing that there's something else out there. And I don't know what that is. So what exercise, what process would you use to figure out what you really want? And what you're really passionate about? Because again, like I said, that seems to be a key component to making the accountability piece work.

Andrei Jablokow15:59

It is, that's a hard one. That's something that I've struggled with the most. And I've been called out on it by my coach Mark J. Who basically told me that I didn't have the humility to choose one thing. Because everything seems infinitely interesting to me. And I want to buy all these courses and programs and, and we can all learn and do anything we want. I mean, we live in a great country, where we can do anything we want, we're not limited in any way. The problem is that you won't be able to execute it on it, right? The more you try to do it, the more ambitious you are, the less you're going to get done. And how do you simplify, and your time, your space, your involvements, your commitments, your responsibilities, because you can add more on I'm going to do this new thing. But that's going to lead to overwhelm, right? Because it's not what, you know, it's not what I need to do I know what I need to do. It's the question is, what do I need to do next, and you run out of time at the end of the day, and you feel less than, and I don't think that it's really about feeling less than I think it's really about replacing habits and routines. But deciding what you want to do is critical because you know, I can boil down what Ray talks about here with his changing the rules to two simple things and how to live. The first one is learn how to be a good person. The second one is find an occupation that you love. And that's not an easy question, Bill, you've got to find something that you're going to want to practice, I told my son who plays Viola, that if he wasn't going to fall in love with the practice, don't even bother, because everybody wants to be on stage. Everybody wants to do the big deal to perform to, to be in front of people or to, you know, to make the big sale and all that stuff. But 98% of the time, you're going to have to grind it, whether it's practicing, or rehearsing, or working with others and solving problems. And if you don't fall in love with that grind, then that thing that you're looking at doing it isn't for you.

Bill Hughes18:13

got that, that's the reason why you have to get to that point where the reason why you're doing all that extra stuff is because you want some end result from it. That really turns you on. 

Ray Loewe18:26

You know I think the issues that we're coming up with is the first issue is everybody's busy and to realize you're busy and if you're not busy, something's gonna sneak in there to make you busy. The question is, what's important? And what are the values that you bring to the table? We didn't, we didn't talk too much about values. So can you talk a little bit about the importance of values and, and why they help you choose the right thing?

Andrei Jablokow18:55

Right, so it goes back to the first thing you need to do is learn to be a good person. Because when you're trying to do that, you're going to look at your character, and your integrity and your value system to see, you know, I think there's a lot of people looking back at the way they were working, you know, what they were doing for a living, and they were out of integrity, and that just creates a lot of stress for them. And now they're realizing, you know, they're not really like that they're really good people. And so it really does start Ray, with, with looking at, you know, what can I mean, I could lose everything, we could lose all our money and our house and our spouse and the car and all that stuff could go. But if your character and integrity are still intact, you just pick up and keep going. But it's when you're working in an environment or in a job or in a business that doesn't match with who you are as a person. Well, that's the first signal that you're in the wrong thing. Right. So you've got to start this thing from being a whole person and Going back to the flashlight that this pandemic environment has put us on if you haven't been looking at that, and considering it, and you have a lot of time to think about it when you're taking a walk is to am I, integrity, integrity. Am I being a good person? Have I eliminated the judgment in my life? And myself and others? Am I taking care of myself? Am I treating others with kindness? Now from that place? What can I do to serve the world and others that keeps me going when the times get tough? That's, that's what we're talking about. I think. All right, Dr. Hughes, any comments?

Bill Hughes20:39

Yeah, I was just curious. There's different tools that some people use for that introspection beyond simply taking a walk, one of them that I've always been encouraged to do and still have difficulty doing it. And that's the journaling thing. You do use that in your?

Andrei Jablokow20:54

I do. I do. I'm not I'm not consistent with it. Because there's, you know, there's other things I'm trying to be consistent on, you know, this goes back to the talk we had some time ago as well Bill, that you can only change one thing at a time, right? He tried to implement five, six different changes, you won't be able to sustain it, journaling is a fantastic thing to do. You can write on the web, you can write a blog, you can just write things down in a notebook for five minutes. I have it as part of my daily planner, that I start in the day. And I figure out what you know, my kindness is and gratitude and what I'm going to do at the end of the day, I put a flashlight, how did the day go? Did I win it? Did I win the day? Or did the day win over me? I think that kind of reflection and just doesn't have to be a formal journaling. It's just you have to put a microscope on your life. Are you living? As still? How about? How about all the obligations we take on and that we've taken on in the past that we no longer have a commitment to sustain? You know, how do you walk out of those? And I think what we're talking about to some extent is you got to make the time to do the things you want. And to do that you got to get rid of some of the things that you're doing now. Yeah, well, most of the stuff that you're talking about is a mess. And so you've got to find closure and find your way to get out of it. Otherwise, you're you're surrounding yourself with people that you're not like them anymore, you're doing things that aren't serving you you're not helping them goes back to simplifying, Ray? You're okay, In order to add something new and change something you're got a lot of simplification to do. 

Ray Loewe22:42

So two things. We're at the end of our time, unfortunately, so. So let me start with Bill and closing this thing up what summarize some of the things that I think you need that people need to think about doing here.

Bill Hughes22:57

Well, I think the first thing you need to do is to start, you have to start. And the second thing you have to I think you have to learn how to master is how to say no. I mean, there's a lot of stuff that comes your way that you think you should do, because somebody thought that it was the best thing for you to do. And deep down inside. You don't want to do it. And you got to learn how to say no, I'm not doing that. And you might have to say no to some things you've been doing all along, that are just simply not doing it for you. So just say no, and just start.

Ray Loewe23:29

And again, that's freeing up the time. Right? So Andrei, now simplify all this for us and tell us what, give us a list of 2,3,4 things that we should do.

Andrei Jablokow23:41

I'm just gonna follow on with what Bill said, you've got to start doing something and start exploring. Okay. I would start with your health because it's easy to do, and you'll see a quick, quick change in that. Okay. But the other thing is that Bill said was key. It has to be no. Or hell, yes. Thanks. So if it's like, well, I'm gonna think about it or maybe later, that has to be No, it's all either hell yes. Or no. And most of the time, you should be saying no.

Ray Loewe24:11

Okay, so I think that's some good thinking. And I think what we'll do is we'll do another session and a couple of months, and we'll pick up on this and we'll find out all the things that we didn't say no on, and we didn't say hell yes, on. How's that? So Andrei Jablokow. Thanks for being here. And Bill Hughes again thanks for being our co-host this month and getting us some great guests and helping us read through some interesting conversations and stay tuned for changing the rules on we're like a bad penny. We're going to show up again next week.

Kris Parsons24:47

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Guest Co-host:  Bill Hughes:  [email protected]

Podcast Guest:  Todd Rhine:  [email protected]

Todd's Website:  https://toddrhine.com/

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:02

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:17

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to changing the rules, a podcast designed to showcase some of the luckiest people in the world. You know uh one of the things that we try to do in this podcast is to showcase people that we think always seem to be lucky, their lives are always together for some reason. And that doesn't happen by accident uh the luckiest people in the world are those people who actually take the time to design their own lives. And then they make sure that they live them under their own terms. And rules come into play here a lot. You know, all through our lives. We're saddled with rules. So they start with your parents. And then they go to the schools and then they go to your job, and then they go to the church, and then they go to who knows else. But what happens is, overtime rules become obsolete. And there are two things about rules. They are meant to either be obeyed, or they're meant to be run away from and the luckiest people in the world seem to take these rules, and they use them to their benefit, and it helps them live the lives that they want to be. So uh today we have a guest host. His name is Bill Hughes. Bill was here the last couple of weeks with us, and he's here again. Okay. Say Hi, Bill. Hi, Bill. Okay. And Bill's gonna introduce our guest today, who happens to be a good friend, Tom Rhine. And they'll introduce Todd and then we'll show why Todd is one of the luckiest people in the world and talk about some of the reasons why he should be a role model for the rest of us.

Bill Hughes02:00

Well, he certainly is lucky but I can tell you he's got more credentials than most people have initials so. uh Todd attended Davidson College and Georgia Institute of Technology earning degrees in finance and management. He holds a professional designations as a certified financial planner, a registered financial consultant and a chartered under life underwriter, chartered financial consultant, and registered investment advisor with the Heritage Institute, which is this little something we're going to talk about in a bit. He currently enjoys working with several families and multiple advisors who understand the importance of collaboration in a client-first focus. Ah, even though he maintains a financial planning practice, he understands that true wealth means much more than having strong funding and having a strong financial statement. This is why he's built a practice centered on helping others identify and achieve what truly matters most in their lives. Additionally, Todd is a staff member instructor at the Heritage Institute and the country's foremost authority on developing multi-generational leadership transfer. Todd currently lives in Hilton Head, South Carolina with his wife Amy and sons, Andrew and Matthew he is committed to building a strong community, a strong community supporting the Cub Scouts, Community Board, School Improvement Council, low County Alliance for Healthy Youth in Hilton Head baseball Association, having coached youth sports for more than 30 years to enjoy coaching the children of his former players. I gotta tell you, he is one busy dude.

Todd Rhine03:36

do you recognize yourself Todd with all of that? Better than I am? Well, you know, lucky people are busy people, and they get things done and they're involved in a whole lot of things. And, and by the way, I've always found since I've been doing this, that the luckiest people in the world are also the most interesting people in the world. So welcome to changing the rules. And I guess um let's start with who you are. And uh, you've had a financial planning practice for how long? I started on the insurance side of things. So the financial planning practice, evolved, developed out of that, I would say as a focus approximately 20-21 years really wasn't until I actually relocated to Hilton Head from Atlanta that I had more time focused on more of the planning aspect versus the advisor. Solution aspect if you will, at the planning. Okay, and part of that is running a family business too, isn't it? Over the last I actually I took over the family flooring store three years ago As a matter of choice in some respects to matter of need, and others, I'm able to read and understand financial statements. And that's an important aspect of running a business. But it was one that, let's put it this way. If I hadn't, I don't think our Thanksgivings would have been as enjoyable as the group getting together. Okay, now there's a poignant statement to uh so so let's get into a couple of things. I know we did a pre-interview with you. And we talked about one of the things that you really have to be any more is a generalist. Because there are so many details, you can't keep up with all the details and all the disciplines that you do. So when you get together, whether you're running the family business, whether you're running your family practice, whether you're running your own family. Okay, what are some of the key things that you think are important that you do that make you successful? I'd say one of the important elements is really just understanding what role you can serve. And that gets back to understanding what's the outcome you want? Yeah, needless to say, there's the old adage, you can't do it all. And the successful individuals, the one that figures out what they can delegate to other people to be done as well, or hopefully, even better than they can do on their own. You know, being independent for so long, being the situation where I haven't had to answer to superiors or others on how to do things, but try to learn from those other experts and try to improve. And heritage is a big part of that learning curve for understanding my own specialty skills, understanding that I'm a spatial analytic, which essentially means that I enjoy, get excitement, I love the fact that I'm able to solve problems, maybe not always say traditional format, but use different tools. And much like a puzzle solver, figure out how to put the puzzle together, not always the exact way. But that goes with the planning aspects of working with different families. But the reality is, knowing that there's only so much time in the week. What'd we have 186 hours per week that we actually have a you know, capable of working with. So it's a matter of finding what you can focus on, and what's the more important thing to focus on. So during a lot of my training, there was very little television watching going on. That's, you know, that was an aspect of your continuing learning and focusing on the reading and the different things that we had to do for our specialty. But for the most part, leaning on people like Bill and other experts to help, you know, see it from a different perspective to guide you to listen to what you're saying and dig down into. Okay, here's what may really be happening that you're not seeing. 

Ray Loewe06:09

You know, Bill, get into this discussion here, because you met Todd through this Heritage Institute thing I think you may

Bill Hughes08:09

Actually, that's how I met him. And so we've known each other, going back to about 2006, 2004, 2006.

Todd Rhine08:19

2006 Yes.

Bill Hughes08:21

That's a long time. But I think the thing that that I noticed was that, that you as talented as you are, you don't rely on your own resources. I mean, you leverage quite a bit. I mean, you're probably one of the best-coached individuals I know. But then again, that's kind of what you do. I mean, not only do you financially coach, you also coach individuals too. And you broaden that perspective out quite a bit. Particularly with our studies in the Institute where we were learning how to transfer multigenerational value from one generation to the next. It like most things, this is really a team sport. I mean, it's not something you can do by yourself.

Ray Loewe09:06

If I related to sports in general, you know, one of the things that happened about the same time, I was asked to coach the all-star team. So if anybody that's coached all-stars, in the sports, you're talking anywhere from the 10-12-13-year-old kids, you know, they're usually the mom and dad's pride example of you know, this, this is in their vision. This is the future Hall of Fame baseball player gonna be playing while being future years. But coaching a team and granted I didn't have such a great team. And I think everybody else bailed but I found it to be an honor to be asked to coach the all-star team and we had high expectations and we've had you know, national championship teams and IRA for a small little island. We've had a lot of, you know, great influence. So it was a very, you know, what I found to be encouraging situation but One of the things I learned from Doug Carter, who Bill knows as well is just setting the stage, if you will, of expectations, which is something that we try to do with families and in different roles, but it also applies to the professionals. And this is how I'm trying to relate that two everybody on that all-star team, you have nine players going out. But you're filled now with the All-Stars from every team, which means you have eight pitchers, seven shortstops, four of them are catchers or first baseman, well, nobody played outfield, no, very few played second base and third base, they were always the studs on the team, if you will, they were always in those key positions. So when you're filling now nine spots, you know, the kid that was one of the best players on his team now on the all-star team is playing right field. That's a hard pill to swallow, not necessary for the kid, but for the parent. So the best thing I learned from the work that I did with heritage and Bill and Doug, essentially is how to go back and reframe that expectation and get the parents to say what they had a right to expect. And that was a game-changer, because that eliminated so many headaches, because if you're familiar with youth sports, having that mom or dad, and it could be either one. So I'm not gonna be you're trying to be sexist on it, but having them sit on that fence, and berate the umpire. And then deal with that, well, you got a game going on, and high stakes, you know, two losses, you're out of the tournament type situation 12 innings pitching for a tournament, you really have to deal with a lot of stress. And these are 12-year-olds, and I had a parent do it the best way and you know, one parent, berating her child, she came back and said, Look, she you know, tapped on the shoulder like, Sarah, he's 10 years old. Yeah, this isn't life. Okay. So, but that applies to professionals. I mean, the reality is, when we're dealing with some families that have done well, and they're professionals, we have the same situation, they're top of their field. And we have repet repetition of services and overlap discussions, we have to remember, it's like, okay, we're dealing with all stars now. And then all-star may have to take a different role than he's used to and they may not be comfortable.

Todd Rhine12:12

Okay, so, so, so one of the things everybody thinks successful people are successful because they make money. And I guess to some extent, that's part of it. But you're in this business now, where you're coaching people on their finances. But I think what sets you apart from everybody else, is what you just talked about in the baseball, realm. And let's talk a little bit about what makes a family successful. Because what you do, if I understand it correctly, is you spend a lot of time coaching successful families. And some of it has to do with the transfer of wealth. But most of it has to do with the transfer of values. So and Bill get in on this because you do similar kinds of things. And you know, Todd, and let's, let's, let's get some controversy going here.

Bill Hughes13:09

I guess the thing that makes Todd an expert in this area, is the fact that I the main thing to taking somebody through that, that exercise isn't you're almost reparenting. And you every kid grows up in a different family. So consequentially everybody's got different impression of mom and dad. And very few of them know the story of how they got where they were. And in some cases, they see it completely different from one child to the next. So part of the process is getting everybody on the same team. And like Todd says, helping to not only tell the story and help them recapture that, that value but also how to apply going forward as the parents aren't going to be around forever. And probably the single most worrying thing for a parent is what happens when I'm gone. And that's why we get down the road of putting together incentive trusts and all this other craziness that we do in more material forming or planning part of the legacy process. But the big the important piece is to get everybody on the same page. And how do you do that Todd?

Ray Loewe14:29

Yeah, well, one is we have to one start with a framing of what is a successful family. And the reality is they do view it their own way. And each of us has professional visors may have our own definition, but the reality is the working families, it's their definition that matters. And then we have to look at it from a standpoint of Yeah, can we do it and is it worth it? It doesn't matter if we can do it. If it's not worth it to the family and if it is worth it to the family, we can figure out how to do it or find the other experts to make it a reality. And as you mentioned earlier, no, it isn't about the money, money makes it easier for families to do things together to help support and do a lot of great things together. But the reality is, I'd rather work with the family that has very little assets that have care and compassion, a desire to work together to see success within the family, then one that's going to be fighting in every turn, to get something for themselves. Nobody really enjoys working with a financially focused individual moreso than an individual that makes the people around them feel good. I have the benefit of working with some families and the type of people that you enjoy talking to. And that's always a good sign for an advisor if you don't like to take the call from a client if you really want to avoid that. Maybe it's not the person you really want to be working with. And conversely, if they don't like taking your call, maybe you're not really bringing the value you should. So

Bill Hughes16:03

yeah, definitely, it definitely digs in deeper than just, you know, building a big pile of money. It's how to put it to use. And there are many different I should say each family has their own definition of what success means. Some mean, it's just knowing your kids are going to be okay. And some, it's what impact Am I having on the community? How does what we do? How does? How does what we do impact that? Where do we where do we start?

Ray Loewe16:30

Reality is and we start in different spots. I mean, if it's important to Mom and Dad, if we want to refer to it as generation one, if we will, that oldest generation in the family, if they're looking at it like you know, I really am worried about my grandchildren or great-grandchildren. It can't start with them taking the time to really figure out what the values are, what how they learned it the life lessons, Bill and I and several other people within the heritage community and multiple people I should say, have been trained on learning what we call Guided Discovery, which really is guiding people to self discover what matters to them for life experiences. So it's a discussion. It's a dialogue, it's getting a little bit deeper about the stories, it may be as simple as you know, what was life growing up, like around the family table? What was it like a family dinner? What did you guys do? How did go it may be a situation of thinking back to the people in your life that stand out? Kind of like if we look back over time as a radar scope, with blips that pop out, you know, thinking about who those blips were in your early years, your formation years, your teens or early 20s. And most likely, and obviously, we're not psychologist, but most likely those people that stand out, stand out for a reason. It could be their work ethic, it could be the way they treated people. But the reality is they stand out because that's the value you typically hold true or find important. So if you can relate those two. And, you know, we always want to, I should say we all but many people want to make sure that their future generations learn from their experiences that are having a better life that have you know, things done better than they did now.

Bill Hughes18:16

So we take them through that. We take him through that exercise, they we memorialize it in a statement, and we get them all together and have them tell their story, and then what? And then how do we get them engaged? 

Todd Rhine18:32

Well, in most situations, and you know, sometimes we start with the story, sometimes we start with a family, family event family meeting, which we do intentional exercises. And I really enjoy some of these exercises. And it's Stratton to pick on Dennis Stratton's test, which I find to be enjoyable because it's an eye-opener for people to discover what type of person they're hardwired. And we each have different software, but a lot of us have a way of dealing with something just based on the way our brain is structured. And we're a little bit different. But there are some commonalities there. I'm an analyzer, I have a tendency to try to understand the problem inside and out before making decisions. And the polar opposite, opposite maybe a persuader, somebody that takes it very personal on their ideas, but comes up very quickly. It might be your engineer versus your salesperson if you look at it from a job role. But within families, we have often differences. And you think of it as a team, if you have a team of different professionals or within a family, you really want to balance different ways of thinking to make good decisions. So

Bill Hughes19:40

One thing that comes out as a consequence of that is sometimes what's revealed to each family member is the importance of every other family member and the kind of value that they bring to the table. Maybe it's a child's great at art, maybe one is tremendous and fixing cars. All of a sudden these talents come to the forefront. And then we're starting to put together a family team. Basically, we're, we've got a team of specialists within the family. And that really constitutes something that a family can lean on.

Todd Rhine20:15

Okay, so this is something that anybody could do. You don't have to be rich, you don't have to have a lot of money. And I think everybody today is concerned with this concept of the Dyslexic family or the dysfunctional family, I guess is the better word. And and how do we get our families together? How do we develop this cohesiveness and we're getting near the end of our time already, unfortunately, so. So let's get a list of a couple of things that families can do to create a better family. Whatever that is, so what would they be? Well, you know, one thing families can do, which we see happening more and more frequently, as they may have a family event, and you could do it as a Thanksgiving event, but they have a chance to share individually. What they find a value what's good about the family, what, what do they appreciate about the family? What do they appreciate about each individual within the family, you're sharing the positives, basically, as a family, they also need to decide as a family. If we were to achieve anything specifically, what does our family stand for? If they could take the time and often is the case it does require a professional to help guide so you don't go too far off a tangent as I often do. But to simply look at it and understand as a family. Hey, what what do we stand for? And even before that, it really is a matter of, is it worth it to us? Is it worth it to us as a family to keep getting together on holidays that, you know, what do we want to see? Do we want to see our kids and their kids getting along having family events? Obviously, as families grow, it's not as easy, but you still can have intentional time. And even our own conversation here video conference, that's made it a lot easier for families to get together and don't necessarily have to do it when somebody is dying, as our family often did is we're on video talking about what's going on, but intentionally getting together with the purpose of one activity. And it may be Hey, what does our family stand for? What do we want to see our family represent? And then sharing, you know, intentionally okay, what is right about our family? What is our right about each individual and getting those positives out? There's always going to be negatives, there's always going to be Blips. But it's much like bad grass, one of the best ways of getting rid of the bad grasses growing more good grass. Yeah. So much like in families, one of the best ways of moving forward is focusing on what you can do positively. Yeah, and you're talking about the grass in the backyard, not the other kind of grass. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Unfortunately, we're down to the last couple of minutes. So let's, let's go to Bill Hughes. Do you have any final comments, and then we'll show up with Todd over here?

Bill Hughes23:07

Well, I guess the thing that I can't impress upon anybody more is the fact that anybody really can do this, you can do this around a backyard barbecue, and a fire pit and just telling stories. And ultimately, those conversations as they're done sequentially, and continually and persistently, over time, interests are going to emerge. And those interests are going to be part of what the family is about. And that's what's going to be revealed, and maybe you take on a little project, that could be something as simple as building a cabin in the woods, or it could be is, it could be as extensive as doing something for a local nonprofit that you that you're all passionate about.

Todd Rhine23:48

I can't agree more with what Bill is saying regarding just telling stories? Yeah, it's often a lost art nowadays in our world of 32 characters or less. Yeah, stories are what people remember. And if we can share stories, not as a lesson, but as what happened, people can relate to it. And that's one of the key things in sharing the stories is you'll share everything the good and the bad about the story. But not as you know, tell a story. It's like, well, I learned to work hard. That's what you needed to do work hard. No, you just let them get their own value out of that story. Because we do remember stories more so than we do statements or life lessons that were told. 

Ray Loewe24:31

Okay, I would like to reconvene this at another time and start with this concept of stories. Okay, because I really think you're onto something here that's important. And I think that that people try and communicate sometimes by dictating something to a family. And usually starts with parents because somebody has to drive this conversation somewhere along the way. But I think the idea would be to explore a little bit about how to conduct some sort of a family event with the idea of starting a tradition or starting something that is going to bring families together into whatever we decide is the successful definition that we want to have. Alright, so Todd, thank you so much for being with us. Todd Rhine, and again, Todd, do you have a website where people can reach you?

Todd Rhine25:30

I tried to make it as simple as possible. It's ToddRhine.com. So

Ray Loewe25:34

okay, and it's Rhine. Right as in the river. 

Todd Rhine25:38

Yeah. As in the English spelling of the river.

Ray Loewe25:41

Okay, the English spelling and Bill Hughes, Bill's gonna be with us again next week with another guest. And thanks, the two of you very much. And I think we started a way of implanting some ideas on how to make other families feel lucky and luckier and luckier. So, thanks for being with us. And we'll see you again next week.

Kris Parsons26:04

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life, and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Guest Co-host:  Bill Hughes:  [email protected]

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:02

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:15

Good morning, everybody, and welcome again to changing the rules, changing the rules as a podcast where we try and showcase some of the luckiest people in the world. And remember, the luckiest people in the world are those people who take control of their own lives, design them to their own specs, and then live them under their own terms. And in the process of doing that, they take all those rules that they've been saddled with all their lives and revamp them a little bit so that they can make them work for them and not be restrictions and impediments to the life they want to live. So last week, we started doing something a little different. We have a co-host, co-host, Bill who's and say, Hi, Bill, hello, okay, and Bill decided to turn the tables on me last time. And he decided to interview me as opposed to letting me interview him. And we ran out of time because evidently, I have more to say than anybody wants to listen to. And, and so we're going to continue this week. So uh so Bill is a life planning consultant. That's not a good word to describe him, but it kind of does the best that we can. He is a coach, and he helps people revamp their lives and make themselves feel luckier and luckier. So Bill, thanks for joining us. And it's your show. So I'm, I'm at your mercy.

Bill Hughes01:50

Oh, that's good to know. Even though somehow rather, I think the tables will end up getting turned once again. I guess, continuing on in part two of this. Something has been coming up more and more frequently is this whole notion of changing the rules? So what rules can we be changing?

Ray Loewe02:10

Well, the rules you change are the rules that don't fit you. Okay? You know, rules do two things. They tell you what you have to do. And they tell you what you can't do. Okay, now, some of these rules are pretty good. Okay. You know why I thought this idea of quarantine during the heat of COVID was a pretty good idea. I mean, I don't I didn't want to go out there and catch it. So when somebody told me that was the rule, I decided that was my rule. But you know, there, there were some rules that were set up when we were back in elementary school that I've rejected over time, I had a teacher once upon a time who set a rule for me, and she said, Ray, you're gonna do fine in life, just spend a lot of time correcting your mistakes and your weaknesses. Okay, right. And guess what I did that for a while I accepted that as one of my rules. And I wound up with a whole lot of really strong weaknesses. But they never really improved, like my strengths did. So one of the roles I changed is, you kind of ignore your weaknesses, and you build on your strengths, and you ally yourself with other people who are really good at the things that you were not so good at. So the whole idea is you got to look at what works for you. And you got to look at what you're going to accept in what you're not going to accept.

ill Hughes03:33

So that gets to the whole notion of really changing mindset. It Yeah, it's this, this idea that, that you go along to get along, and then all of a sudden, one day, you realize that that's not in your best interest. I mean, even with the example that you gave, one of the things that people could, and I believe actually did do during the shutdown, and all the restrictions that were imposed on us, wasn't it, it caused us to become more introspective. And in that process, their mindset changed. How did yours change?

Ray Loewe04:13

Okay, well, let me give you an example of that. And one of the things that COVID did to us is said, Oh, we can't go out and meet with each other. Well, I missed that a lot. Okay, one of the things that seems to drive me that makes me happy and being happy is one of the mindsets of the luckiest people in the world, is that I like to go out and talk to people on a regular day on a regular basis. I need the feedback that other people give me, I need them to challenge me. I need to know what are they doing that I might want to steal from them and do too, okay. So one of the things that we did is we had Virtual coffee and cocktails. And it's still going on and every Thursday morning, a group of us that can be as few as three or four, or as many as 10 or 12. And we have a conversation now we just find out what other people's view of the world is. And we never know who's going to show up. And we do that for cocktails.

Bill Hughes05:23

And the interesting thing about that is that invariably, somebody shows up, that has an interesting story.

Ray Loewe05:31

Always. And, and, and it is amazing to me that it comes out of the woodwork. You know you sit there and you say, Oh, you know, it's gonna be boring, and they're never boring because people are never boring. And if you think about your friends, you think about the fact that all of a sudden, you're shut off from them, and you can't talk to them, and you can't reap the joy that they bring you. You got to do something. So we changed the rules.

Bill Hughes06:03

And then the other interesting thing about that, that I really appreciate is the fact that the randomness of it, the random folks that show up, you know, being locked away for a period of time, really, you don't realize how grateful we need to be with some of the random occurrences of people that come into our lives, and have the opportunity to change things. And so that that really gets to the whole notion of this community that we're building.

Ray Loewe06:34

Well, hopefully, okay, so let's back up again, a little bit, let's, let's talk about these podcasts that we're doing. Okay. One of the things about the podcast, again, is it's a question of bringing people into your lives, that have different mindsets and different ways of thinking about things. And you don't have to like everything they say. And you don't even have to listen to everything that they say but if you take the time to be observant at all of a sudden, you find out that there are a whole lot of people out there doing exciting things that maybe you want to do. Remember, last week, we talked about the barrier that you have of people expanding their lives and, and that some people just never wanted to leave their job because there was a comfort level, right. And a lot of that is because they didn't have the opportunity to talk to some of these people that are just doing incredibly interesting things. Okay. And when you do have the opportunity to do that, all of a sudden your life becomes fulfilled you steal things from other people.

Bill Hughes07:41

Borrow, I like the word borrow.

Ray Loewe07:44

Well, borrow is temporary, and there's nothing temporary about this.

Bill Hughes07:48

You're not gonna get it back, you're not going to get it back. 

Ray Loewe07:50

Once I get an idea from you, Bill is gone. Right? 

Bill Hughes07:54

Well, what makes you think mine aren't borrowed from somewhere else?

Ray Loewe07:57

Well, they probably are, and what's wrong with that. And the whole idea is that there are exciting things to do out there. So my wife, Sandy, and I decided early in the game that we wanted to do some traveling, as we got more time and I was able to step away from the financial planning business. And, you know, we started with a short bucket list. You know, we wanted to spend some time in Europe, we wanted to go down to South America a little bit. But the next thing we know is we're meeting people on these trips. And we met somebody who had been in Antarctica well guess what, we've been Antarctica now and up close and personal with a whole lot of penguins. And then you sit there and you say, Okay, I haven't been to Australia yet. And you talk to people that you meet along the way and they tell you how great a trip this is. And then the next thing you do is you incorporate it into your life. So people are really, really important part of being lucky, in my opinion.

Bill Hughes09:08

The other thing that you mentioned that I always brings back the story of the penguins, for sure. But it goes to something deeper because why don't you real quickly share that penguin story for a second for those that might not have heard it.

Ray Loewe09:23

Well, there are life lessons that occur on these adventures if you open yourself to them. And if you look, we were in Antarctica and Antarctica is an expedition type of trip and you're on a ship and you're based on a ship and what you do is usually early in the morning you get up and you get on a Zodiac and you go to some point on land and then you see things like penguins or whales or in some cases people that are stationed there and then you come back and you have lunch and you take a nap and you go out again in the afternoon and you can do this because it's light 24 hours a day, okay? So you're not impeded by anything. And most people took every one of these excursions because it's a pricey trip, you're going a long way. And one day, there was a couple we had dinner with the night before. And we noticed they weren't on the morning excursion. And I caught them at noon at lunch. And I said to where were you guys? And it was kind of a sheepish grin on people. And they said, Well, we looked at the hill, we had to walk up today to see the penguins we were supposed to see. And we didn't think we could make it so we didn't go. And I did this doubletake. I mean, that surprised me. And I didn't have to say another thing. And they came back and they said, Well, we made a mistake, we waited too long to take this trip.

Bill Hughes10:59

Yeah, that really that that that that particular life lesson, so to speak, I know had a big impact on you going even in this direction, because how many people that you worked within retirement planning that were putting things off until they had enough money?

Ray Loewe11:18

Yeah, and that's the tendency, you know, I'll do that after I retire, when I have more money and when I have more time. And the lesson that I learned here is that you're sometimes waiting until you have enough money means that you're not going to be able to do something that you really wanted to do. And the same is true with time. You know, unfortunately, this process called aging, which by the way, I think is the ultimate life sport is aging. Okay. And it does things to you, you know uh people have a stroke people get conditions, and they no longer can do things that they want to do. And part of feeling lucky is to head off regrets it's to head them off early. And to say, what are the things that if I didn't get a chance to do I would, it would bother me.

Bill Hughes12:14

Right, but that gets back to your list again to and taking the introspective time necessary to kind of figure out what, for lack of a better term what your bucket list is.

Ray Loewe12:24

Okay, so let's, let's take a minute and talk about planning here because there's no substitute to sitting down and spending some time planning. And I think the planning has to be kind of a quarterly thing. And it only has to take an hour or two each quarter, it doesn't have to be long. But somewhere you got to sit down, and you got to say, okay, based on what I know, now, based on my experiences, what do I want to do, okay, and make the list and you start figuring out what's important, what you're going to do and what you're going to put off doing. The second part of that option is to talk to a whole lot of people or read or do research of some kind, and start to figure out what are the things that you never thought you might do that might all of a sudden become interesting, and you add them to your bucket list so that your life keeps expanding, it gets larger and larger and larger the day you start to see your life get smaller, you're going the wrong way, you know, and this is like, you've got to grow and to be happy and to be content. And the day you start pulling in the horns is not a good thing.

Bill Hughes13:35

Right? Well, and that that gets back to going back in time a bit to some of the things that you've encountered. And one of those things that you encountered along that pathway was a coaching operation called Strategic Coach

Ray Loewe13:49

It had a very significant offer on a very significant part of my life. So uh So let me tell you another story. So we sat around, we used to go to Chicago every three months, and we'd sit around in a coaching group and we had a coach who would teach us some things, but the biggest thing that you got out of it is we had 35-40 people that showed up every time and you had discussions with them. So I'm sitting there with a guy sitting next to me who's a real realtor. And he declares that he's going to run a marathon and like a dummy. I said, Okay, you finish your marathon, I will go back to competitive swimming, which I had dumped for 30 years after college By the way, and I will win a national championship. Now I have no idea where that came from, except that I figured this guy would never finish this marathon. Well, to make a long story short, he finished the marathon and I had to go back and redo this part of my life. Now that was one of those life events that changed where you go because swimming right now is part of my regiment it's trying to stay in shape, trying to stay healthy, is part of that goal of reaching maybe 100. And whether I actually reached 100 or not, is maybe not relevant. But I want to have that in my mind. Like, that's part of what I want to do and, and the only way you're going to do that is to physically stay in shape and take care of things.

Bill Hughes15:31

And well there was more involved in it than that, too, because I know that even though people say swimming is like riding a bicycle, once you've learned it, you don't forget about it. At the end of the day, competitive swimming is another whole ballgame. So how did you go about the research necessary? And what steps did you end up taking a day to get yourself in shape to take care of that?

Ray Loewe15:55

I hate to work out, you have to understand that I am a potato chip and ice cream guy on the couch in front of the TV. And if I were left to what, you know, just felt comfortable during the day, that's what I would do. The fact that I decided to do this is the only way I'm going to do this is to mouth off, and then have accountability coaches. And you know, the value of an accountability coach when you say you're going to do something and you got somebody who's going to get on your case, if you don't, right, right. And, and the other thing that I did I know that I knew that I had to do was I had to go out and hire a coach, I wasn't going to do this on myself. So I actually found a kid's group. And I wound up working out with the 12 and 13-year-olds who I can barely keep up with, by the way. Right? Right. Okay. And you get that support group and, and again, that's part of a community about feeling lucky and being lucky. You have to have others involved with this if it's gonna make it work. So anyway, that's what happened and he every year, every five years, you become the baby and your age group, you get a competitive advantage because my wife wanted to travel and you can't work out with the same intensity when you're on the Nile River in Egypt. I would not want to swim in the Nile for anything, okay? And so you change the rules, and you figure out what's going to work for you to allow you to do those things that are important to you. 

Bill Hughes17:36

Right, well, you know, that gets back to this whole thing too, because I know we spent quite a bit of time talking about getting things off the list as well as on the list and making sure that things get done before you can't do them. But you had another story to that kind of interested me it was I guess your trip to Africa and your plane ride.

Ray Loewe17:58

Oh, the plane that was not going to make it.

Bill Hughes18:01

Yeah, right. It was a 1940s vintage plane.

Ray Loewe18:05

Well yeah, you know, again, this is part of what you get if you keep your mind and your eyes open. And it took somebody else to pull this story out of me. But the fact is we're on a safari and I was excited about this and I think Sandy was excited and apprehensive about it because we're going to Africa we're going to see leopards and lions and rhinos and they're going to be up close personal so when we had to fly into Johannesburg to do this and we fly in a normal airliner you know we get there we're wandering around the terminal to get to meet our group and as we walk down the concourse, Sandy looks out the window and there's this old plane sitting there and the old plane is pretty old. And she says I hope that's not our plane that that that planes too old to fly it should be retired. So needless to say, we meet our group and the first thing our guide says is she says, Let me introduce you to your aircraft. And she points to this point. And she says, this plane flew magnificent missions during World War Two and we figure uh oh it all over you know, we're gonna die on this trip. And later she said this plane was commissioned in 1941, the year before we were born. But here's the end result of this the aircraft was repurposed. It was repurposed to do a job and it was repurposed based on its strengths. It was never going to fly across country or across the ocean anymore. Okay. But it was a wonderful plane for taking a small group of us and being able to see all the scenery below us. It was able to land in small spots. And we were told later that it could fly on one engine if it had to. And it could land on no engines if it had to. And the end result when we got back is the plane did a great job of doing what it was supposed to do. Now, I'm sitting in Chicago, talking to a friend of mine later, and kind of telling the story. And she said, you know, what a great parable, if you think about it as a parable, because here was an airplane that was, should have been retired. In Sandy's words it should have been retired, it was old, you know, what's it going to do anymore, but somebody looked at his strengths. And somebody said, you know, you can rebuild this, you can repurpose it, and this plane could have additional life. And that is so true of the luckiest people in the world, too. And they do this, they sit there and instead of saying, My life is over, I've reached a certain age, and I'm just going to coast, they look at what are the strengths in their lives that they had? How can they be repurposed? How can they still have a mission in life? And how can they still bring value to other people? And actually, that meeting in Chicago took that story, and it made it have meaning to me. And there's a wonderful part of my life.

Bill Hughes21:21

Well, you know, the thing is that it gets back to the fact that even if you think you, you can't, you, maybe you can, but the process is getting there working through some of the strange things that you can contribute back. I mean, we, the lady, the cupcake lady with is a great example of that. I mean, for all intents and purposes, wants to tell that a little bit.

Ray Loewe21:43

Yeah, again, one of our podcasts was a young lady by the name of Ruth. And Ruth had a major life event, she had a very strange kind of stroke, it was a stroke that occurred kind of paralyzed her in the back. And one day, she's down at the beach, and she's having a great day, and the next day, she can't move. And after months and months of rehab, and realizing she can't do her job anymore. Unlike others who would give up, Ruth sat down and said, What do I love to do, and what can I still do, and she loved to cook and bake. And she limited herself to muffins, soups, etc, she started a small catering business on her own, okay, and she took she repurposed her life, she's bringing value to people, she's making a living, you know, she's still got some ups and downs, figuring out where she's going and stuff like that. But again, it's this whole concept of, you don't have to give up when you get a certain age, you can still be good at something. And in some cases, you can actually be the best there ever was, right? Because we get rid of the junk,

Bill Hughes22:58

right? But that's a great example of the people that show up on those calls, for sure. And many of the people you individually isolate and identify and bring into the podcast. So I think that that that's really, the value of this community is expanding beyond what you might be, if you're a natural introvert, you know, being able to, to get additional focus, and begin to ask those questions.

Ray Loewe23:27

Yeah, and, and, you know, part of what we're doing here, what we're trying to do is start with the podcast and say, you know these are 20-25 minutes long, occasionally go longer or a little shorter. But the idea is, meet somebody who is happy with their status and life who's going forward, regardless of their age, okay? And take a listen to it and say, Is this me? Are there things in here that I can use that would motivate me, and help them or use them to help expand your life and where you're going, and we do one of these a week I, I'll tell you a Bill, they're the most motivating things in the world. For me, when I get done with one of these interviews, I am so excited, I can't sit down for a while. Absolutely, and, and coffee and cocktails. And then the other event that we're trying to do is we're trying to do some Friends Connection events periodically.

Bill Hughes24:22

And we have one coming up. And we have one coming up.

Ray Loewe24:26

And we're going to have coffee together at a roastery of one of our friends and members. And he's going to show us how he roast coffee. And more important though, it's a chance to sit there and talk to people that we haven't seen face to face for a while. Right? And we got terminated from a trip that we're going to take to Greece before this COVID thing that we'll be back because again, the whole idea is how can we meet exciting people, whether we know them already or they're new or their a friends of friends, and use their database use their experience to expand our lives. And that's what this is all about. The whole idea is to live life to the fullest, to feel great about it to be happy to know that you're bringing value to other people. And that's the mission of what we're trying to do. And so join the luckiest people in the world.

Bill Hughes25:25

Absolutely. Thanks, Ray, yeah

Ray Loewe25:27

We're done.

Bill Hughes25:28

We're done for the time being.

Ray Loewe25:31

Okay, so we're gonna come back next week. And Bill is still going to be our co-host. We're going to have a different guest, hopefully, next week and we're going to get a different, luckiest person in the world. And we're going to get their perspective on life and where they're going, and we're going to see what we can steal. Absolutely. All right. So Taylor, sign us off, and we'll see you all next week.

Kris Parsons25:56

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life, and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host of Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world. 

Guest Co-host:  Bill Hughes:  [email protected]

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:03

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:15

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to changing the rules. The podcast that's designed for the luckiest people in the world, and showcasing other of the luckiest people in the world who do a really good job of dealing with rules. You know, all through our lives were handed a series of rules by people that kind of want to exert control over us for some reason. early in life, we get our parents who make us rules, then the schools make us rules, the church makes us rules, our jobs, make us rules. And you know, one of the problems with rules is that they're necessary. But when you're living your life under somebody else's rules, you're not living your own life. So the luckiest people in the world are really good at dealing with rules, and changing them and making them work for us. So today, we have a little different kind of program, we're gonna introduce Bill Hughes in a moment. And Bill is going to be our co-host for the month of October. And he's going to help us bring in some interesting guests to showcase as the luckiest people in the world. And Bill did something. He's going to put my back up against the wall today because he decided that he was going to interview me, and I have no idea how the heck this is gonna work but Bill Hughes say hello, hello. Okay. And Bill Hughes is a longtime friend. He's been on our podcast many, many times. And he is a coach and has been a coach for a long time, I've known Bill for 30 plus years, he's been a mentor to me, He always comes up with great ideas, and he's had great insight into life and the meaning of life. So Bill, how do you want to do this? Well, I guess the best way to do it is just simply to start and that's to open it up, I actually want to kind of go through a few areas, I don't know, I believe we're going to probably end up splitting this up a little bit. Because again, interviewing the host of a show is a little bit different than interviewing a attendee or somebody who had who is part of the subject matter of changing the rules.  But by the way, Bill behave because I'm going to get even with you. Yeah, I'm sure you will, I'm sure you will. But that, you know, we can deal with this, we can deal with it. So in looking at, at what this whole process or what this whole program attempts to do, and how it does it, the thing that attracted me to it originally was the fact that I agree, I think that people should control their own lives and have some direction in that. And I know that there's a great deal of reticence about doing that simply because everybody's got responsibilities and things that holds them back from doing what they really want to do. And ultimately, they get to the end of their life and hopefully they've done it. And if they haven't done it that I guess the regrets are profound. And hopefully, by participating in this community, that Ray has set up, we can attract people that believe that they have something in them, but don't know where that is. But to do that, I think that I'd like to examine a little bit further, exactly how Ray got started. Because if we go back over the years, when did you realize this was the direction that you wanted to take your focus? Well, it took a while and I'm not. You know, I guess what you're saying is when did I become conscious of what I want to do, and uh it occurred over a period of time. And this is true by the way of most people who consider themselves lucky because the answers don't occur immediately. So I started as a financial advisor I worked for 45 years in my own firm and dealt with a lot of great people. And the problem is that when we solve we're not just money problems. I mean the basic goal here was to have enough money to get kids through college and then have enough money to put away retirement money so that you can retire the way you want. And it's this comment the way you want that I think is the critical piece because One of the things that we found is that most people had problems of visualizing the future of visualizing a period of time after work when they were going to live life. And I think the way we were told this by our parents is these were supposed to be the golden years. And that meant that you had to have enough gold to be able to live life the way you want. But how do you know what that is? How do you put together this concept of, of what you want your life to be? Well, I guess the other question that always seems to come up is, is you may have some fantasy about what that might be. But other things seem to get in the way. I mean, folks have families they're responsible for, they've got jobs that they're engaged in, they have there just seems to be this, this notion that you can't break inertia, you know, you're kind of stuck on a glide path. And before you know it, 10 years have gone by. So is there is there a particular event that you've found that has or occurs in someone's life that that causes them to take pause? What would what would that? What would that look like? Yeah, actually, there are a couple of them. And that's a good question. So going back to my financial advisory life, okay, one of the things I noticed is that we found many, many people who had successfully put away money, they had a lot of money. And they, they complained every time we met them, that they hated their job, and yet they wouldn't leave. And the question was why? And I'm not going to answer that right now. Which is, it's there seem to be this disconnect, I hate what I'm doing. Okay, but and I have the money to be able to do anything I want but I don't. Okay. So somewhere in there, there's an indication that there's a comfort level, that people are comfortable with their past, they know what it is, you know, there's something about getting up every morning and going back to your work about hanging out with the people that you know, are there, as opposed to saying, I'm going to break from this and go into new. There's a second event, and this one really hit home. And this event didn't occur until about five years ago, by the way, and I'm a swimmer, I went to our National Senior Games, I did my swimming thing. And I met a guy by the name of John. And John was over on this Chinese carrying around this whole batch of metals. I think there were six of them. And five of them were gold, and one was silver. And so I went up to him because he looked older than me and I said, John, when did you win your medals? And how'd you do this? And I later found out in the course of things that john won his medals in the 100-104 age group, okay. And his medals that he won at 103. By the way, we're in the shot put, the discus, the hammer throw, you know events that I can even imagine doing. And yet, here's this guy, 103 years old. And by the way, one of his medals was silver. He got beat by a crummy, 101-year-old and one of his events. So so so the whole thing, when you look at this, and you start to think about this, is here's a guy at 103, who's living his life to the fullest, he's out winning medals and celebrating with his friends. And then your vision, the other group of people that if they're lucky enough to reach 100, are starting in a wheelchair in a nursing home somewhere. And I started thinking about, okay, so how did this occur? Where do you want to be? And how, how do you help people get here, where they're active, and they're involved? We don't know that we're going to live to the 100. But many of us are, okay. It's not a bad goal to aspire to, as long as you're not in that wheelchair, you know, and you're out doing things. The second thing that really occurred to me here, Bill was, you think about this if you're lucky enough to live that long. What are you going to do with all these bonus years that you get? You know, my parents lived into the early 70s. My father did. He didn't have a lot of time after he retired to make decisions and to enjoy life. But today, many of us are going to live longer and how are you going to utilize that life? What are you going to do with it? Are you just gonna sit around and play cards all day and wait to die? Or what's going to happen? Well thinking back about your swimmer? Did you ever have a chance to talk with him in any depth as far as when he started doing this and why this became a passion for him that carried him into his, I'd say years that go well beyond scheduled retirement? Well, I think um the answer to that is really know that I am an end-up discussion, no, but it did have enough of a discussion to realize that this was just part of his life. He, he just decided it long ago that he wanted to stay physically fit, that he didn't want to sit in a wheelchair somewhere or sit in a chair and let life go by. He wanted to be active. And the second part and this was obvious, he had a whole lot of people who knew who he was. So he had a friendship based around this. And in other words, this was just a piece of his life that he thought that was important. And he followed it. And I think I think that's the key is to understand what the piece of this life is for you. And then to follow it.  Okay so, I know you've the other thing that that's come up on a number of these calls, maybe not a whole lot, but a couple of them that stand out, in my mind, are people that hit a life event. Maybe they have a mild stroke, or they have a close brush with death, is this the thing that needs to happen for somebody to finally wake up and say, Hey, you know, yeah, the sands in the hourglass are going to run out. And if they do, and I haven't done what I wanted to do, I'm going to die with my song in me. You know, unfortunately, for many people, that is what has to occur, they don't move until some event occurs that says, hey, I have to take action. And the advantage of the people who are truly lucky is that they're able to sit down and do a little planning and a little bit of visualization and decide where they want to go on what they want to do. You know, there are so many things that you can do with life. And for a long part of our lives, work gets in the way work eats up 8, 10, 12 hours a day, five days a week, and it inhibits you from doing a whole lot of things that you might want to do. The key is to be able to visualize what are some of these things that you might want to do. And if you can't visualize them, to go on off and try to try different things, and get a feel for what you might want to do. And let your life expand. I think the tendency is for people to stay put to stay in a comfort level until an event occurs. But the lucky people don't do that they don't have to. But is the luckiest person a perception of somebody else looking at the results that you've gotten from some venture or some excursion that you've taken that turned into something a little bit more involved? Or is it really truly luck. I mean, I think in many cases, you make your own luck. And so the luckiest person to me is more of a perception it's me looking as an outsider into the results that they're getting from something that they discovered and decided to pursue. So how would somebody that's following a normal path, like you follow the normal pathway of being engaged in financial services? That was your that was your thing. That's the passion that you had, and you had a number of, of areas that were areas of focus. But during that time, there was something else that you were doing along the way that kept you engaged in something that allowed you to stay passionate. And ultimately, even as a financial advisor, I often looked at you as someone who was the luckiest person just by virtue of the results that you got there.  Yeah, let's, let's answer this in two pieces over here. So I think the first piece that you have to answer is what do we mean by lucky? You know, there are a lot of people who say, you know, I won a million dollars in the lottery is a lucky person, okay. That's not what we're talking about uh, but we're talking about is how people feel. there's a feeling here that makes you feel lucky. It's when all of a sudden your life is taking form that you feel like you're making progress. You're enjoying every day you're moving in a direction that makes you happy. And that's what we're really talking about. Now, now two if you can rephrase the question that you asked me I'll actually try and answer. oh boy, that now you're gonna have to try to remember something? Again, you're engaged in life activities, it's raising kids, it's making an income, it's paying bills is doing all these things. So what are you looking for during the course of those actions that allows you to stay engaged in a way that's, that's compelling and gratifying? Well, again, I'm one of the luckiest people in the world here, uh my old job being a financial adviser was to work with some of the greatest people in the world. These were, these were people that motivated me every day, when you sit down and you look at people who are dealing with all these problems that you're talking about, they're dealing with kids, they're trying to pay for college, they're trying to figure out how to make enough money to do things. But among the people that I happen to deal with, these were people that had some insight about what they wanted in life, and what was important to them. And, and, you know, although a lot of people would say, Gee, I want to travel, I can't wait to get my kids up to a certain age, the luckiest people incorporate their kids into their life in the future to they're part of their life, and they're always part of their life. But I think the difference is that they sit down and they start to think about what are the things that fascinate and motivate them? Okay, if you think about this Bill, wouldn't it be great to be able to wake up every morning and have on your calendar, things that you really, truly enjoy doing that fascinated and motivated you, and allowed you to expand your horizons allowed you to grow in life, as opposed to having your life become smaller and smaller and smaller?

Bill Hughes16:58

I think a lot of people listening to this might be thinking, so I make a list or what do I do? How do I go through the self-discovery to maybe reorient my path? 

Ray Loewe17:12

Yeah, you  do make a list, among other things. So there are a couple of things and by the way, we have a book that we just completed writing it, it will not be out for a couple of months yet. But the book talks about the luckiest people in the world. And there's a planning process and there that talks about how the luckiest people get lucky. So I think one of the things that you do, first of all, is you sit down and you say what are the things that are working in my life, the things that I enjoy doing that work? And the idea is that you want to keep those going. And then you look at the things in your life that aren't working. And you say how do I stop doing these? How do I not have to deal with each anymore? And there's not a tried and true method of doing this. I just think if you work at it, it happens. Okay? This concept of lists and visions is absolutely critical to and, and probably even more important than that is whatever your list is, and your vision is now you need to constantly expand that and look for how do I keep it going. And you do that by talking to other people.

Bill Hughes18:34

One of the things I've noticed about a lot of folks that we've interviewed over time, is that they all seem to have one attribute that really sticks out in my mind at least anyway and that is they seem to have a gratitude for things or where does that play a part in this?

Ray Loewe18:49

Well, yeah, you have to understand you know, if you're going to do things that make you happy, I think gratitude is a natural part of it. But you have to take the time to make sure that you understand that you're lucky when things work for you and that you should be grateful to other people and you should be grateful for those gifts that you've been given. And the fact that you are just makes you feel happier and happier and happier and more and more grateful and it just grows it snowballs. So how would you build something like that into your process? Well, you tell me, what do you do? What? I'm going to turn the tables on you here. I figured it was only a matter of time. So what do you do? What do you do? Every day that makes you appreciate your day and makes you know when you're making progress in your life and when you're not what do you do?

Bill Hughes19:48

Well, again not to get not to stray too far. Because I think that at some point we will be breaking this into the next section which gets into a lot more depth. I think as far as precisely how to do that. But for the individual, I think that it's really an attitude thing, it's being able to look forward to things getting out of even getting out of bed in the morning, and looking around and realizing that you got a fresh slate, you got a chance to make a difference in something. And being able to, to, I guess, embrace that perspective. So how does Ray get out of bed in the morning? And what do you look at when you first get up?

Ray Loewe20:30

Okay, so you just hit a key point right there. And the key point is, basically, what are you doing to make life better for other people, okay. Because if you're totally selfish about this whole concept of being a luckiest person in the world, you're not going to go anywhere, you have to make a difference. And, and I think that I've seen too many people that I would not call the luckiest people in the world, who generally are content, they're generally happy. They're ambling through life, they're busy. But they're not doing anything that's meaningful. They're not doing anything that's driving them. One. One of the reasons why we're doing this podcast right now is that I get excited every week when I get to talk to a new and different person, and I find out what they're doing. And all of a sudden, I become energized. And I think the people that we interviewed become energized. And we find out that there are a lot of people out there that just aren't sitting on their duff. They are out there, trying to do some things for other people, and they get joy and happiness out of doing that. Just like they do get joy and happiness out of taking a cruise. So So part of this then has something to do with being a little bit more observant in life than just self-focus. You've got to be and you do this pretty well, in the sense that you're you seem to always have your eyes open for interesting people. Yeah, uh you know I've always felt this way I, you know, I've used an expression, a lot of Hey, Bill, you're an interesting person. You know, now in some ways, that's a backhanded compliment, okay. But the difference is I mean it, if I need somebody that interests me, or fascinates me, I want to know more about that person. And I'm going to keep digging into that relationship until such time as it goes the other way. And then you kind of phase-out of the relationship. And the whole key here is to continue to meet people that expand your horizon that make you think about things you want to do and make you excited about life. You know, when we're gonna have to break in this podcast a little bit, because we're getting near the end of our time, but we're gonna continue this next week. And when we continue this, one of the things I want to do is, is to talk about some of the mindsets that the luckiest people will have. Cause they are interesting, and they're unique. And they differentiate what I think the luckiest people are from others that are not. Sounds like a plan. Good so so let's, let's end this podcast right now. We're going to be back next year. Next week. Excuse me, I'm Bill Hughes is going to continue this interview. And we're going to probe into what makes the luckiest people lucky. And how can you I think we're going to expand a little bit and get into how can you join the community of the luckiest people in the world that can help you do this?  Sounds good. Okay, so Taylor, let's end this session. And we'll be back next week with another changing rules episode. 

Kris Parsons23:51

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life, and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host of Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Guest Co-host:  Cecily Laidman:  [email protected]

Cecily's website:  https://springpointsl.org/

Podcast guest:  Brian Giersch:  [email protected]

Transcription: 

Kris Parsons00:04

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:19

Everybody, This is Ray Loewe. And this morning, I'm operating out of my own living unit at the Willow Valley Country Club how's at, and I'm here with Cecily Laidman and Brian Giersch. Now we're going to talk a little bit about something interesting, I have no idea but it's gonna, it's going to involve the luckiest people in the world. And the luckiest people in the world are those people that we've defined as those people who invent their own lives, they go out of their way to create a life based on what they want to do. And then they step into it, and they live it under their own terms. And you're going to see today that we have Brian and Cecily both of whom are the luckiest people in the world because they just bolt through life under their own terms. And don't let too much get in the way. The name of our podcast is changing the rules. And this is one of the things that the luckiest people in the world have to deal with, and have to get control of because everybody in our lives throws rules at us. And if you haven't noticed, we went to school. This, this is going to hit home with Brian later, the school's throw rules at us, our parents threw rules at the church, throws rules at us, our jobs, throw rules at us. And you know, when you're living your life under somebody else's rules, guess what, that's not your own life. So the luckiest people in the world have to figure out how to take those rules and make them work for them. So that they maintain the structure of rules, but they maintain it under their own terms. So Cecily has been our co-host for the month of September, and Cecily thank you for doing all the work for me this month. appreciate it. 

Cecily Laidman02:08

Oh, Ray, it was my pleasure. You do all the work.

Ray Loewe02:13

And Cecily I met about 10 years ago, she is the chief cook and bottle washer at spring point choice, which up to this point has been my long term care unit, right and Cecily, I have to tell you that once I made the decision to become part of spring point choice, it gave me the confidence to know that I was protected for the rest of my life now and it allowed me then to go back and make some decisions that I felt I needed to make as I go through life to live my life the way I want to. So I will be forever indebted

Cecily Laidman02:52

Of course not. No, it's a great Yeah, and I mean, I changed the rules by doing this in this in this industry. This is a program that does change the rules instead of a wonderful, beautiful community that both of you live in. Some people would prefer to just stay in their home. So I'm kind of a rule changer in that respect. And I'm also just addressing what a lot more people really would like to do. So I thank you, Ray, for being part of the program for as long as you have been. 

Ray Loewe03:27

Well it's it's a wonderful program, and it's been and always will be a significant part of my life. So let's introduce Brian over here. Okay, so Brian, the first thing I have to tell you is that my secretary misspelled your name. She has you in my system as brain. Wow. That's a misnomer. Brain Giersch. So I think that puts this in perspective. Okay.

Brian Giersch03:53

Misspellings since sixth grade. it was very clear from that point forward.

Ray Loewe03:59

So let's go back into time a little bit and talk about your previous life as to where you are to kind of set a perspective because Brian's going to tell us Cecily about his journey from where he was at work. And you know, raising kids and all of those great things to where he is now and where he's going. And, Brian, you were a teacher, educator, school principal,

Brian Giersch04:26

I worked for the school system did all the above and then some. My wife and I both graduated in with degrees in education, elementary and secondary. Both of us taught for a short period of time in real classrooms. And shortly into that career, I moved into school administration, probably for 20 plus years school principal for 14 where I really wanted to be towards Personnel Administration. And I worked in a large County school system with 9000 employees, and oh, wow, then my last seven years were staffing 45 elementary schools. And that's really where I wanted to be in the first place. It just took a long time to get there. Dottie worked work through the classroom, seven years of motherhood, reading teacher, then several supervisory positions that were countywide in the same very large County, in Maryland. And she was finally loaned to the state of Maryland to run a statewide early childhood program. She retired from it. So we were both employees of the same school system, for our careers. But when different paths. And we're both plans to retire around 2003, we left Maryland and began retirement number one in eastern North Carolina, where we lived in a development that was locally referred to as Yankee Stadium. When it was developed, it was marketed to both sides of Long Island Sound. And we were Connecticut people, Rhode Island people, Long Island people, Jersey people, and the southerners of Eastern Carolina were glad to see us impounded because they didn't like to see us around. But we had a wonderful retirement there for 15 years. It was almost a waterfront community with canals and docks and marinas. And that kind of stuff.

Cecily Laidman06:42

So we're in North Carolina where was it?

Brian Giersch06:45

if you specifically was it was New Bern, which is the which was the colonial capital of the capital colony. It's about 35 miles inland from the lower Outer Banks. And this is the confluence of a couple of rivers that go to Pamlico sound and then on.

Cecily Laidman07:04

I know Pamlico sound.

Brian Giersch07:07

wasn't the service. We had been sailing on the Chesapeake Bay for decades, had a big cruising sailboat that we took with us to the Carolinas. But we had to go someplace where we keep on sailing and cruising. Newbern was the place. And during that period of time, my mom and dad who were in Pennsylvania, lived and worked in Pennsylvania, had moved from their home. But 50 years into a continuing care community in Media, PA on the southwest side of Philly. And were there for 32 years. Almost all of that was independent living in their apartment. Wow, Dad lived to 100 and a half. So he was there for a long, long time. And over the period of 30 plus years, that they were in their continuing care place. My brother and I both very, very quickly realized the value to them, to our parents being in a place like that, but also the value to us as their offspring, not having to worry about them, or not necessary not to care for them. But just not to have to worry about their care and independent of each other, we both eventually knew that we would be making the same type of decision. I was fortunate that my brother did all the research and probably close to 10 years ago now. He visited I think 17 continuing care places between PA and Florida. And called me one time down the Carolinas Hey, you got to come up to Pennsylvania to take a look at this place, Willow Valley. So my wife and I drove up here one time, and that one time was the deciding factor. We have been aware of other places have been around and in other places. And this place just seems to be like a right fit for us. So

Ray Loewe09:18

So your brother did all your work for you. And he did right he did. Nice, nice guy.

Brian Giersch09:23

And I'm glad for that. And he actually lives here also he moved in here. He's three years younger than myself. But he moved into a year and a half ahead of me. So he's been here about four and a half years. We're now entering year four Willow Valley communities.

Ray Loewe09:41

Can we go back a little bit and talk about the retirement experience and get some insight from you about why you made the decisions that you made. Were they the right decisions Going back in retrospect, would you change things. What we're trying to do here is give people who are thinking about changing into the next phase of their life, some insight as to how to do this.

Brian Giersch10:12

There I did, there are probably two phases of consideration. One was the actual retirement decision of moving into retirement in the first place. And the second would been going from retirement, age to retirement be where we are right now. It's awkward to to to talk publicly about, about the decision to retire. I was in a position that I loved and the position that I had geared my entire career, out of staffing, the 45 elementary schools, very, very large school system, the work was getting harder and harder, it was getting harder as it is right now across the country to find qualified teachers in the quantity that we needed for this very, very large system. And I was putting out longer and longer hours. Where over the seven years that I had this position. First, it was 8 or 10 hour days, and seven years later, it was 16 and 17 hour days, it's trying to keep those all those positions staffed. My wife was two years behind me in her retirement goal, because she had taken off time with the kids. And our plan always had been that we would start working on the same day, and we would retire on the same day. So in my mind, I still had two more years to go. And what was becoming a very, very demanding position, all-consuming position. And somewhere along the way, my wife said you know, you're gonna kill yourself doing this thing. And this is really worth, the risks that you're taking the pressures you're putting on yourself. And I never thought about that I was an organization guy dedicated to the people and that I served an organization that I'm within last year I worked. And leaving early was never a consideration. But when she started talking about Health and Family Welfare, that kind of stuff. I started to recognize the wisdom that may be getting out after 35 years was better than struggling for two more and leaving on the same day after 37. So I did retire early. And that was that that was a game-changer for us. That was not something we had anticipated. It was a plan we had 37 years in the making. And I basically bailed out two years early, she worked two more, I worked part-time between the househusband, and she just loved every minute of those two years. kind of stuff. But as we were approaching her final two years in my retirement, we had to make some decisions about whether we stay in a community that had been home for 35 years. Or you move on and uh it was almost an easy decision to make. We had we moved into a brand new home and a new development where everybody was the same age, children the same age. And everyone knew all the kids on the street knew the parents on the street. But as the decades passed, and the kids disappeared, like the parents must have been doing. We were doing working harder longer and isolating ourselves more. And the sense of community disappeared, a sense of belonging disappeared, we were just focused on our jobs. So we were looking for something that would give us a restoration of who we were enthusiasm for life and begin to explore and do things differently. And that's where we were we discovered that this little development down in New Bern, North Carolina that featuring water and golf and whole tees expatriates from the Long Island Sound area. And there we had an opportunity to reinvent ourselves and if you're talking about changing rules for us, it was life-changing. To be the organization man for 37 years and have an opportunity to define who he wanted to be how we work with how we wanted to structure our time and opportunities for community leadership. huge opportunities. community involvement social and otherwise, recreational. It was a wonderful experience and everyone around us were having similar experiences having just retired from places up north and for fun in the sun, or out of the water or out in the golf course. But as that, as those years became 13,14, and 15, we started, we were probably the first in our social network, in that community to publicly start talking about what's next? And do we really want to stay in the custom home that we built them, and designed that was just really lovely? And stay there forever. Or find a place where much like my mom and dad experienced where our two kids wouldn't have to worry about us. And it was that factor that caused us to start sort of thinking about what should happen next. And it was the concern for our kids my mom is going back a long, long ways. In her probably 40s and 50s spent 15 to 18 years caring first for her mother than for her mother-in-law. And then for her father in law, and it was just continuous out of the home tracks to their to my grandparent's homes to care for them almost on a daily basis. And she had vowed that her two kids, my brother and myself would never have to have that experience. And it was for that reason that back in the 70s. And very early 80s, she started looking for continuing care places. And they were very, very happy where they went. And my brother and I were happy for them. And pleased that we didn't have to go through the ordeal my mom did. So here we move several decades further down the road. And now we're when my wife and I are having those same conversations, what can we do to look out for our children as we age. And thankfully my brother did research, which was great. We then moved into retirement number two coming here. But that was Ray that was a five-year plan. And knowing what we were going to do having to downsize dramatically, from a very large home to what is this as a large apartment. But it required a lot of dispossessing of things we accumulated over decades and decades selling off my boat of 25 years. So that was a tough one. We made up for that here though, because I bought a smaller racing boat and still race on this Susquehanna river with a bunch of old guys from our community and two nights ago got a first, second, second in three races. Okay. Good for you. redefining continuing when we got here is starting all over again, when we moved to North Carolina was starting all over again, and getting involved with that community and its activities and the social networks. And then here 15 years later, doing the very same thing starting all over again, getting involved with activities, getting involved with social networks, creating activities for things that we couldn't find here that we wanted. My wife, for example, tonight, this afternoon we'll be teaching line dancing to a class of 60 line dancers who are all our similar age and where they put up some energy in two hours of series line dancing. I also started a ski club started out of one and then became a ski club of two and this last winter, we were ski club of three. So play that ski club, either grown exponentially.

Ray Loewe19:19

And you know I think that's one of the really interesting things about you and Dottie is that you want to do what you want to do. I mean you can merge yourself in all the activities that are here and there are tons of that. But that's both good and bad in a retirement community. I think I think the thing to do is to make sure you don't lose your identity and that you do what you want to do. And I know we would find it difficult to navigate in here if we didn't have the two of you as our mentors. And I know it's Dottie's job, not yours, but guess what you're in whether you like it or not.

Brian Giersch19:59

We Ray, we all benefit from the people that surround us. And each time we've made a transitional move, whether it was North Carolina or here, you suddenly find yourself surrounded by people who want to welcome you. Include you in their activities introduce you around, make you feel at home. And I don't know if that's just unusual, unusual characteristics of that North Carolina Community and this one, I hope that's true everywhere you go. But our transitions have been easy ones made easy by that by the people who welcome us and make us feel a part of a community that we now call home.

Ray Loewe20:41

Unfortunately, we're getting near the end of our time, Cecily do you have any questions for Brian or comments? 

Cecily Laidman20:47

No, I was gonna say it's really interesting hearing your story, Brian? Because it looks like your parents definitely set the example. Oh, absolutely. where you were going and having worked both in continuing care retirement communities, as well as the program I'm in now that's, I would say when I started talking to people if their parents had been in one, and yours, I mean, it sounds exemplary experience. If they had been there for so long, so that must have helped. The other thing I'm, I'd like hearing is, I'm always concerned. I mean, being in this industry, I've noticed that people who work longer live longer, or at least are challenged, and I see your transitions and being able to pick up roots and change again, that revital, it's like starting over again. And that revitalizes you. And so I admire what you and your wife have done and how you, you know, kept it going.

Brian Giersch21:44

I don't want to go back to the very, very beginning of this conversation, where Ray introduced himself and the three of us as the two of you as the luckiest people in the world. My brother actually refers to me as the luckiest person in the world. So the ship is this, that phrases is to be disputed. And one of the reasons is that when we sold our house in North Carolina, and move out 24 hours after we moved out, the new occupant moved in. And 21 days later, that house was flooded by Hurricane Florence and gutted the interior of the house, and had we stayed an extra 21 days or had I forced to negotiate to into stalemate we would have been in that house 21 days later and I would not be sitting here

Cecily Laidman22:38

Okay, you win today you're the luckiest guy.

Ray Loewe22:43

Well, what you got to do Brian is get the LLC after the luckiest guy in the world but you know, there are a whole lot of the luckiest people in the world. And, and different reasonings. Yeah, for different reasons we all create our own path but the important thing is that we create our own paths. And one of the greatest things is being able to hang out with other lucky people. Because you don't get the downers it's life becomes an upper all the way through and and and that's been my experience here and that's been part of the experience that you've helped me grown into. So again before we have to cut off the switch here Do you have any last comments that you want to make?

Brian Giersch23:26

Yeah. Whoever's out there and you have when you look at your glass, always presume your glass is half full. And never look at it as half empty. When people have asked how is my day going, I'm having the best day ever. And I say that all the time is and it sickens my brother because hates to hear but every day is the best day ever. And if it isn't, then you're doing something wrong you need to fix it and make every day something stimulating for you.

Ray Loewe24:00

That's cool. And so thank you for being our guest today. You are definitely one of the luckiest people in the world. I'm not gonna give you the supreme title though, mine is the luckiest guy in the world LLC you don't have that.

Brian Giersch24:14

I'm just the guy that got that tag from his brother on the last flight out of Australia before they shut down Australia 18 months ago so some luck in there too.

Ray Loewe24:26

Yeah and Cecily thank you for a month of wonderful guests and podcast people and for kind of leading this last four weeks where we talked about how people can make this transition and if you haven't gone back and heard any of the past podcasts, we had Margrit Novack on recently we had a young lady from the ACTS communities, Lori Woodward, it's different than you are and Cecily I had some time during the first week to talk a little bit about this whole concept of planning your future and making sure that the glass is half full always. Alright. So Brian, thanks again for being with us. And if you guys will join us. Next week we're going to go into another phase, we're going to be talking uh Bill Hughes is gonna be our co-host. And he's gonna bring in a whole other interesting cadre of people to talk about talk to so, Taylor, thanks for being in the background there and sign us off.

Kris Parsons25:37

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that to join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Guest Co-host:  Cecily Laidman:  [email protected]

Cecily's Website:  https://springpointsl.org/

Podcast Guest:  Margit Novack:  [email protected]

Margit's Website:  https://margitnovack.com/

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:04

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:23

Good morning, everybody. This is Ray Loewe. And today, I am not in the studio, we have Taylor in the studio, I'm sitting in my own little living unit over here, we have two guests with us, we have Cecily Laidman who is also at home working from home today. And we have Margit Novack, our superstar today, and you're going to love hearing about what she's doing. So in retrospect, let me tell you a little bit about our show, changing the rules because it was put here to kind of introduce some of the luckiest people in the world, to everybody. You know, for some reason, there's a group of people out there that just seem to have it all together, they seem to be able to find their way through adversity, they have goals and objectives or visions of where they want to go. And they find a way to get there under their own terms. And the changing the rules comes in, you know, we're all given rules all over the place. We had rules from school, rules from our parents, rules from the church, rules from our jobs. And you know, after a while, they get in the way and one of the problems with rules is they either tell us that we have to do something, or we can't do something. And the luckiest people in the world design their own lives and live them under their own terms. And you can't do that with somebody else's rules. Now, we all need rules, because we need some structure in our life. But the idea is the luckiest people have found a way somehow to make those rules work for that. And we have two guests today, both of whom have altered the rules to make them work for them. And we're going to start with Cecily. Cecily has been our co-host this month of September. And she has set up some meetings and interviews with some wonderful people. And she has another one today. So Cecily runs, she is the chief honcho, the big Maha of SpringPoint choice. You know, there may be others with higher titles, but she's the one who really runs the show. And springpoint choice is a care at home program that I have to say I've been fortunate enough to be part of for the last 10 years or so. And it's a place that gives us security of knowing where we're going. And Cecily thank you for bringing me to that program and say hi,

Cecily Laidman03:02

Well, hi, Ray, thank you so much. Um, you know, changing the rules or bending the rules has been my mantra, I think most of my life. And running this program called springpoint choice has been a real thrill and something I've always wanted to do. But kind of to segue and to our guests today is interesting because I got into the senior living field about 18 or 19 years ago, and I was working in a wonderful retirement community. And I was doing the marketing and talking to people who want to move in. And of course, the big challenge that a lot of people face when they're moving is what am I going to do with all this stuff? How do I move it? Oh my gosh, I really like to stay at home. Yeah. Well, that's where I first met our guest who's Margit Novak, she had a company called I hope I can say the name of it moving solutions. I don't know if there's any restrictions on saying that. Anyway, um, when I first met Margit, I knew that you know, I was the luckiest person in the world because she had is a dynamo. She is, um, she's got her act together. And she gets other people's acts together by helping them organize and pair down things etc. So I've known her for quite some time. And then, you know, now I'm in the same industry, but doing a little different twist, which is people instead of going into a community, they are able to remain in their home. But the cool part about it as a Margit has continued to be in the senior living industry. And it's even just written a book about, about things that change in your life and how to look forward And not make assumptions about what happens when you're becoming, having those numbers in your age. Grow up and up and up. So, Margit, welcome.

Margit Novack05:14

Thank you very much. I'm delighted to be here. Thanks for having me. 

Ray Loewe05:19

Okay, Margit, I'm going to lead off with the first question. So you're a Philadelphian? Yes. Born and bred, okay, we share an alma mater, course you're much younger than I am so that you went there later than I did. And now you share time and a senior living place in the Philadelphia area and a second home on the Chesapeake Is that correct? That's correct. And hopefully, you're on the Chesapeake today.

Margit Novack05:51

Actually, it's a little river for the St. Martin's River. I'm not too far from the Atlantic Ocean buffer, west of Ocean City, Maryland, and I am there. And just yesterday, I was kayaking. So I do feel pretty lucky.

Ray Loewe06:11

There are some people that really have their lives together Cecily and then there's me. Okay, so So, Margit, you were known in your past life as the queen of downsizing, I believe.

Margit Novack06:27

Well, that was certainly my self-proclaimed title. But I was widely recognized as an expert in the field of downsizing and moving late-life transitions, yes.

Ray Loewe06:39

Okay. So that was in the past. And now you are doing what?

Margit Novack06:43

I was incredibly fortunate to arrive in my mid-40s. At a career that excited me. And where I learned that I could put my passion and skills in something that I really believed in, and it isn't often that people have an opportunity to find that wonderful meeting, the confluence of what they are good at what they believe in, something they can earn a living in. So I do feel that that made me incredibly lucky. And I did that for 25 years, I had a job, a business I never wanted to retire from. But ultimately, it is it becomes time to leave a business, I achieved every entrepreneur's dream, which is to sell my business and monetize all those years and hours. And that's what enabled us to buy a second home. And but I think it was COVID. That caused me to sit back, it was a time when I had just left my paid title and work. And it was forced, I'm forced, moving back. But it made me think about what's important. And I have been thinking about embracing uncertainty. And that's what I've learned to do in this time, this next phase of my life, I don't know where I'm going completely, I wrote a book. And that was both gratifying to do and I've, I really enjoyed the conversations with people about it. I thought I was a person who would have to go immediately towards something. And many people do that they go right, what even if that's taking care of their grandchildren what or a job that they've been waiting to do, or they even continue working part-time in their prior career. I'm not doing that I'm figuring out how to be the best me in this next phase. And it's even in the uncertainty, I'm finding that there's a lot of joy, and also a lot of mindfulness. Of what I have, and that that mindfulness enriches today. You know, mindfulness was a word I kept hearing about, but I think it took COVID to make me sit back and recognize that I need to be more intentional about my time, about relationships about what's important. So that has been how I'm going forward. 

Ray Loewe08:41

That's cool. I love this. You're searching for the best me Cecily's found that already she already knows she's the best me. I am nowhere near figuring out how you even figure out who is the best me. But let's go back to your book a little bit. You took some time to write a book and it's called squint and it's kind of a strange name. Okay. But what's squit all about?

Margit Novack10:07

Squit is about looking at your life and some of your personal narrative, and recognizing that one getting seen that there was a new perspective as you were older, and that causes you to revise some parts of your personal narrative. There are a lot of stories, my stories are part of a lot of larger stories. And what I found is that, as people read those stories, they're able to say, wow, that's something I can really relate to that this really gives me a perspective, change perspective about something in my life. So for example, I had, I wrote about, in one story, I'm visiting some clients, and there's a mother there with her daughter, and the mother. I'm trying to establish rapport. So I asked the mother questions, how long have you lived in your home? And she graciously says, Welcome. I've lived here for 37 years. And then her daughter says, No, Mom, it's 39 years, the mother stops, the story, because she's been corrected, and it really stops your flow. And later, the mom is take, I asked her for a tour of her home, and she's really taking pride in showing me things that are home, and she points to a picture and goes, I'm there with my grandson, Kevin. And she goes, No mom, that's Geoffrey. And again, the mother stops her story. And I'm thinking to myself, why are these details important? Whether she lived in her home for 37, or 39, is not important. She's telling a story. And every time she is corrected by her daughter, it makes her recognize that she's not 100%. If it makes her sad, if it diminishes the joy she was going to take in telling a story, we do take joy in telling stories and retelling stories. And I know that if that daughter thought about it, she would choose to be kind, she wouldn't choose to hurt her mom. And what I loved is this is just one part of a story. But a friend who read someone who read the story, read my book, texted me and said, that is exactly what she's doing with her own mother-in-law. And it was only in reading about someone else's story, that she was able to recognize what she is doing with someone who she loves, and wouldn't choose to hurt. But it's such a natural inclination to correct. So when someone says I saw myself in one of those stories, that's a wonderful thing for a writer. 

Cecily Laidman13:11

Margit, did you give that daughter one of your books to read by any chance?

Margit Novack13:17

I, you know, it was years ago, but I hope she reads it. Yes, It would've been correcting the daughter. True.

Cecily Laidman13:26

No, opening her eyes, because I think you make when you're different generations make assumptions about other generations. And, you know, once you change, or transition into the next generation, all of a sudden, your outlook is a little different than the assumption you made when you were younger.

Margit Novack13:46

You know, one of the stories that I really hit me is I heard two women talking and they were I guess, in their 50s. And one said to the other, how are your parents? And she said, Oh, you know, they're deteriorating. And I thought to myself deteriorating? What about? Well, they have some challenges. Mobility is hard, or my mom's been sick, but they're, they're resilient. They're making due they need more help, but and that's what I thought about my elderly pets. Now anyone who's ever had a senior dog or senior cat knows that their last year is often challenging. With my cat, he couldn't groom himself. I had to brush him. He missed the litter box. I we had to actually make a little lower litter box because he couldn't step up into it because of his arthritis. And he couldn't jump on my husband's chair to sit on his lap. So we got him steps so he could remain an independent cat and make it up to the chair all by himself. And I think anyone who has an old pet if you asked how they're doing, they would say terrific. Every day they bring me joy. And every day they have joy, even though they're not who they were, they find ways to take pleasure. And yet, we don't think about older adults who are losing abilities as having that same kind of enjoyment out of life, or the ability to enjoy, all we see is what they've lost. And it's just interesting how generous we are with our pets. And how we think they are having a good life. And how ungenerous we are with older adults, and how we often wonder, but how could they have a good life, if they have certain disabilities or struggles. And it's, it's not correct, because they're, you don't have to be whole, to still be worthwhile or to take pleasure things.

Ray Loewe15:53

You talk a lot or you we had a previous conversation, and you were talking a lot about waiting for perfection makes us smaller. And let's talk about this concept of becoming smaller in life and what do we do about it?

Margit Novack16:10

I think there is a real hesitancy, to look at changes and say, How can I keep my life larger. My husband had hip replacement surgery about four years ago. And about five months prior to his plan surgery, he said, we're not going to as many places we're not doing as much and our lives are getting smaller, let's get a mobility scooter. And I was really surprised when he suggested that. But I immediately got on Facebook marketplace. And by the end of the week, we had a scooter. And we used it and we went and we did things and I see so many people now so hesitant to get mobility aids or aids in their home different modifications that would enable them to experience life easier. They're not willing to see themselves potentially as needing, as needing assistance. And that's so different from a call I received years ago from a man who said, I don't know if you remember me, you moved me about 15 years ago to a community and I did remember him, he was in his mid-80s. He said, Well, I'm going to be 100. And I live in an independent living apartment that is the farthest away possible from the main dining room. And I'm finding that I'm not going to as many events as I used to, and I'm sometimes having my meal delivered to me rather than walk to the dining room, and my life is getting smaller, and I don't want that. So I'm going to move to an apartment in the building A that's closest to the dining room. And I love that a 100-year-old didn't want his life to get smaller and was taking action to create an environment in which he could have a larger life. And that's what I think too many people don't do, their life gets smaller, and they don't take action in ways that would enable it to get larger and that could be getting a scooter, it could be moving to an environment that allowed them to have more mobility or freedom. I really admired this individual and I wish all of us would be thinking about how do I keep my life larger?

Ray Loewe18:53

Is this the subject of your book is this. Are these stories in your book Squint or many of them? 

Margit Novack 18:59

Many of them are in my book. Yes. Okay. 

Ray Loewe19:02

You know, we're gonna run out of time as we always do, but again, in a previous conversation, we were talking about the concept of buying tickets. And it's so enlightened me we have to talk about buying.

Margit Novack19:16

I love the concept of buying tickets. It comes from an old joke of someone who says, God, why won't you let us win the lottery. I never win the lottery. Why don't you let me win the lottery? And God says, help me out here, buy a ticket. And I think life is like that. I mean, there are a lot of challenges as we get older. But if you buy tickets, there's also some opportunity for new experiences. That doesn't mean life doesn't change. But it puts some onus on us to create an opportunity for new experiences. Um, I'm visiting some friends over Thanksgiving, some family members. And I said, let's get to cooking, let's book a cooking class. And he and my husband said, You're the worst cook in the world, why would you book a cooking class, and I said, I don't care really about the class, I'd like to experience it. But I'll be doing something with people that I care about. That's the that's what I want to do. I want to have new experiences, be with people I care about. buy tickets, which, which means creating opportunity. This past week, I started the mitzvah club of teal Bay, it's a group of five women who are getting together to do good things. Or to have purpose, it's about companionship in purpose, it's less about what we'll do, then about wanting to get together for purpose and create meaning in our lives. And that's buying tickets. Um, so I like the book. I'm still confronting uncertainty, but I'm embracing it, to experience this next phase. With joy with, with curiosity. And feeling that I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. 

Ray Loewe21:27

Well, you are one of the luckiest people in the world. And we're going to send you a coffee mug that says your one just because you are but Cecily, to kind of help, wind up what kind of comments Do you have, and you have any further questions of Margit? 

Cecily Laidman21:41

Well, I think I always love listening to Margit because she makes you think about things. And she can sometimes bring out the obvious that you haven't seen. And a total inspiration I feel and the fact that she was so successful in her business, and now she's in whatever the next phases, like she said, and you know, writing a book during COVID, you know, kind of do more self-reflection, in a way when you're kind of sequestered in your house, there are a lot of little silver linings to the COVID challenges. And if anybody could, you know, make lemonade out of lemons, that's Margit. And I'm just, I'm very lucky to call her a friend, as well.

Ray Loewe22:36

And your book is called squint, squint, and you can get it on Amazon, available, Amazon, any other place just on the Amazon.

Margit Novack22:47

Now wherever books are sold, wherever books are sold, and

Ray Loewe22:51

what we'll do is we'll make sure that in our podcast notes, we referenced this so that people can find you. Is there a website that you have, where you share any more of these great ideas that you have?

Margit Novack23:04

there is they can go to MargaretNovak.com. That's ma r g itnovack.com. They can find out more about the book and also some blogs that are interesting, including what to do with those diplomas now that you're no longer working. 

Ray Loewe23:26

Okay, I've got to read that one. And yeah, and there's more, we talked about some things in a pre-interview that we're just not going to have time to do. But how to disregard your friend's disapproval, because they don't plan and you do

Margit Novack23:41

None of our friend's plan. And they disapproved of our moving to senior living as well.

Ray Loewe23:48

Yeah. And there's more about the buying tickets. And there's some other great stories in this book. It's really a must-read. And, and I think we all reach this point where we're transitioning from probably a work-life to whatever is next. And who knows whatever is next. But people like Margarit have an idea. They have a sense, they have a direction of what's important to them. And that's what makes her one of the luckiest people in the world. And, Margit, thank you so much for being here. 

Margit Novack24:22

And thank you for having me. 

Ray Loewe24:24

Thank you so much for introducing me to Margit. She's a total joy and an inspiration and there's incredible wisdom in talking with her so uh, everybody. We'll be back next week with another guest. And Margit. Thanks again for being here. Thank you very much.

Kris Parsons24:43

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Guest Co-host:  Cecily Laidmain:  [email protected]

Cecily's website:  https://springpointsl.org/springpoint-choice/

Podcast Guest:  Lori Woodward:  [email protected]

Lori's website:  https://www.actsretirement.org/

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:01

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:16

Good. Good morning, everybody. And Taylor, thank you for going a little long on that intro. Okay. It's always nice to have music when you start out. And I am one of the luckiest people in the world. And we've got two more of the luckiest people in the world with us today, we're going to talk to them and find out why they're lucky. And remember, our definition of the luckiest people in the world is they're people who design their own lives and then live them under their own terms. So they tend to be happy people, they tend to be excited. They're not without problems, they deal with many of them, they have to pivot a lot. And therefore they are quite good at dealing with rules. You know, one of the things in life that we have is we're saddled with too many rules. We're given rules by our parents, then the schools come in, the church comes in their business comes in. And the next thing we know we got all these rules, saddling us down. And rules usually tell us things that we must do, or we shouldn't do. And we find that the luckiest people in the world get around those rules pretty well, they find a way to make them work for us. And I'm going to start today with introducing Cecily Laidman. I met Cecily, probably 10-12 years ago, Cecily has been taking care of my long-term health, up to today, even. And she's done a great job, I haven't needed her. Okay, and it's been wonderful. So, so Cecily is at a place called springpoint choice. And she runs a care program for seniors, where she will take people and put them in your house to take care of you if you get sick. And if you need help. And she does a wonderful job. And she is going to be our co-host this month, and we are going to spend some time with other people who do similar things. They're all different. There's different strokes for different folks. And Cecily Say hi.

Cecily Laidman02:25

Well, hi, Ray, thanks for introducing me, I I'm definitely feeling like one of the luckiest people in the world. And, and one of those reasons is that about 21 years ago or so, I was in this great early morning workout program that would you know, we'd get up at six o'clock in the morning rain, snow, shine, and be outdoors and doing boot camp things and all that sort of stuff. And at that time, I was kind of doing some freelance marketing and sales, and public relations. And one of the people that I met at the workout was that made me a lucky person is who we're going to be talking to today, which is Lori Woodward. And Lori Woodward at that time was in the senior living industry. And I had no idea what that was all about. And she asked if I had, you know, help out doing, you know, go to some of the communities and see how the sales were doing and this and that, and then it kind of evolved. And I went to one of the communities and worked as a marketing director. And that was because of Lori Woodward, who is now the vice president of marketing and sales at all of the Acts communities, which is one of the premier organizations on the East Coast that has a number of different continuing care retirement communities. But Laurie can do a little more about that. So welcome, Laurie.

Lori Woodward03:57

Well, good morning. Thank you for the great introduction. Great to be here. So, you know, do you want me to get started? Or?

Ray Loewe04:09

Well, well, let's, let's direct you a little bit more. Okay. So first of all, you are one of the luckiest people in the world. I know that because you got a smile on your face. You're here you're doing exciting things. You're making a difference to people in life, and you've had a path to get here. Yeah. Okay. So, tell us a little bit about your journey. I know you went to Millersville.

Lori Woodward04:33

Okay. My journey starts long before that Okay, it does. Okay. I thought a lot about this because you because of the title of your podcast. And I thought about why am I lucky? You know, I thought about well, I've had some real serious health scares. I feel lucky. Now that's really medicine, that's science that that helped me with that. Why do I personally feel lucky? To start out with I feel very lucky to have I've been born in this country because I think it's the greatest country in the world. And regardless of any issues we have, I could have been born in Sub Saharan Africa where millions of people die from starvation I didn't, I was lucky enough to be born in the US. And I think that is luck. But growing up, I do really feel that your formative years form who you are. And I've been so lucky to have great mentors in my life that I really attribute almost everything in my life to that, you know. So to keep it short and simple. My mom was a great mentor, she taught me how to prioritize happiness. My aunt Carol was a huge mentor in my life, she taught me how to value independence. And my brothers were great mentors to me because they taught me how to punch like a boy. So growing up, I really feel that's what formed, gave me courage and gave me focus and made me feel like I didn't worry too much about whatever I was doing in my life, I just kind of, you know, took the bull by the horns and did it. So. And then throughout my career, I had great mentors in the positions I was in. So you know, that comes later. But really, that's why I feel I'm the luckiest person in the in the world is those main factors. 

Ray Loewe06:31

So I love this punch, like a boy thing. Okay. And I love the prioritize happiness. And I love the independence piece because that's what we are all about. Okay. So you started doing a lot of work in a lot of senior marketing organizations, give us a sense of where you came from because I think that certainly tells us where you're going.

Lori Woodward06:54

Sure, sure. So I did go to Millersville. local state school, Pennsylvania, I'm born and raised in Pennsylvania and love, you know, always just love where I am. So I never had a reason to leave. But from there, I got into really corporate communications, and I met my first career mentor, who I really just got connected with through a friendship. And, and she said to me, you know, what I need, I need someone who knows how to write and edit. And, and she hired me like, just knowing my, my qualities, you know, my enthusiasm, my intelligence, and I had no background at all in senior living, marketing, sales, or communications. But she handed me this job, or she said, you're going to have three continuing care retirement communities or life plan communities, I want you to do all the marketing strategy. And I want you to deploy all the strategy as well. So you have to learn advertising, you have to learn graphic design. So I did soup to nuts for three ccrcs That was my first job. I wrote all the newsletters, I took the pictures, I interviewed the residents, I got them printed, I got the mail, I learned a lot from that position, and loved it. And then from there, I just stayed. I just found this you know, a mission of helping seniors find happiness in that, you know, whatever you want to call it, the that that later stage of life, which I don't like to call retirement, I don't like it to call planning, call it planning. I like it to call it it's just another way you're finding happiness in that particular part of your life. Because that's what it's all about, right? That's what we're selling. We're selling stay happy. So I

Ray Loewe08:54

So is that what you guys do you sell independence, happiness, and you teach us how to punch like a boy. 

Lori Woodward09:00

Yes, that's exactly it. I love that. That's my new motto. Anyway, I just I stayed and I've worked with a lot of different companies. In the not-for-profit arena, I worked for a for-profit assisted living company, I worked for a couple of consultants where I really got to know Senior Living options all over the country. And, and then I landed at Acts, where I've been for almost 10 years and, and will probably be here until I go on to my next transition not to be called retirement. So So that's, that's my story. And today, I'm working here at this company and I'm at a very strategic level, but I still get to, you know, impact the lives of, of the people who live here, and so it's a Yeah,

Ray Loewe10:02

yeah, that's really cool. And we want to spend some time on the Acts community itself. But before we get there and Cecily get in on this conversation over here, because you're involved with this in a different way, when do people how do people make these decisions to get where you guys are? I mean, there has to be some time and like, where all of a sudden a light bulb goes off, and it says, gee I, I've got to make plans for where I'm going, when, when does that occur? And, and then kind of give us some idea of what some of the tracks are on how people get there. So uh Cecily lead us and Lori

Cecily Laidman10:46

Yeah, I was gonna say that, you know, the when is is a big is a good question. Because some people can just, you know, sit on their duff and not do anything until something major happens in their life. And that's not the right way to do it. When I first got into this industry, I had no idea what this industry was. I mean, I, you know, I didn't have anybody that had gone into a retirement community or anything. So I think that a lot of it has to do with education about what your options are. And you know, when you make that if you, if you're knowledgeable of what the options are, then you'll be able to make a decision rather than just, you know, sitting at home and waiting for something to happen. And I think that, you know, even when I was working in a community, after people had moved in, I would say to the person, and to the couple, they all said, I wish I had done this sooner. So I mean, it's it's definitely your question is excellent Ray because of the timing, you know, when do you make that decision? I think people keep saying, you know, a lot of people say, Well, you know, I'm not at all I don't have to go there, I'm you know, I'm still young, I'm still Well, yeah, you can be young and go into a community. So there, you know, I would you agree with that, Lori?

Lori Woodward12:06

I do in part, I feel that for our for, for a person who is moving, physically moving somewhere. They look, you know, everyone feels like they're a younger age than they actually are. Like, I still think I'm 32. And then I'd say, Well, my son is 32. How can that be, but um, everyone, I feel like, looks at you know, their later years as something to dread, something that's going to be scary, something that's going to be painful. And what Cecily and I do in our business is try to convince them No, it doesn't have to be like, if you choose one of these options, you can actually take the course the other way doesn't have to be this downward shift, it can be like a, you know, an inverted bell curve, you can rise up again. So, you know, when you move, physically move to a, what we all call senior living community, I feel that people think it's going to be like your grandmother's nursing home, you know, and that is why most people say, why didn't I do this years ago? And it's why a lot of people say I'm not ready yet. And we and we say, Ready for what? So, you know, the, the fact that our, you know, care, some form of care is usually included in the decision, whether it be 55 plus that has visiting nurses that they tell you what you can have when you get older, or Cecily's product that's kind of an insurance model that involves protection for future care, or our model that's move into a campus and the care is right there on campus. There's the care aspect. So that immediately makes people think that's why I'm moving there. So that I have a plan for future care. And when they finally move in, they go oh, that's, that's not what this is all about at all, you know, so it's really that psychological barrier of care is included.

Ray Loewe14:31

Let me throw out a couple of scenarios here. I come out of the financial planning business, I've seen what my clients did. Okay, so one of the first things that I find is a client say gee I'm going to retire I'm going to do something and they decide to move with their grandkids are until their grandkids move after they bought their house and they've spent all this money on things. So I have one in particular that that bought a house in Florida to be near their kids and their grandchildren, of course, the kids change jobs are in Rhode Island now, okay. And as not that it's a bad kind of thing, but it's not an ultimate solution. I've known other people who moved to Arizona, and they go into like an over 55 community, it's not care, right? It's, it's about lifestyle. So when do you put all this together, because there's one major thing that I think I want you both to comment on. And that is, when Can't you get into Axes communities anymore, or Cecily when Can't you get into springpoint anymore, because there's that to think about.

Lori Woodward15:43

So, so I'll start like, you know, moving into an Acts campus, a lot of our prospects say, it's the gift I'm giving to fill in the blank, to my children, to my grandchildren, to my neighbors, because I am making decisions for myself today. So no one has to make the decisions for me later. And financially, I move in, my children never have to worry, again. And I think Cecily's product offers the same thing. So I describe our campus setting, as you have to think of it as that feeling you got when you went to college or university, you're with like-minded individuals, you're hanging out with them, you're learning, you're growing, you're staying active, you're feeling better and better every day, because you're socially connected. And if you and you know, and you're, you're improving your yourself, you're learning and growing. So not that you're moving in to prepare for the future. It's really, I mean, there is that aspect of it, but that's how I like to describe, to describe it. But it's, it's hard to convey that to the people who are looking in terms of the when, that's why we say it's better to move in when you're, you know, ready to have fun and ready to, to grow and learn in a convenient way. But also know that you have a plan in place, so no one will ever have to worry about you again, and you've been the decision-maker. So when is that it's not really an age, it's really when you feel you, you want to have that kind of lifestyle. But you also want to guarantee that, you know, you have a plan, when it's too late for Acts is when you already, it's I mean, I guess you could argue at a lot of our campuses is it's never too late because we do take outside, private, to our assisted living and skilled care. But generally, to move into the independent living, it's too late if you already need a high level of care, in turn to experience all the advantages of what we have. And it's also too late if you don't financially qualify. So if you've, you know, disposed of all your assets already, and you don't have funds to, you know, to pay for the to live there.

Cecily Laidman18:36

Our, you know, our program is a little different in that, you know, when you say the when, and when is the time, because we have a pretty strict medical underwriting to get into our program. So you have to be healthy and well. So that is a decision that has to be made sooner than later. Now, given that, I mean, we have people in their 50s that join our program. But in addition, we've had people in their 80s join the program that are still independent, healthy, active, etc. So you have to, you know, with our program, there are a little more caveats in order to be able to qualify,

Ray Loewe19:12

you know, you guys brought up a couple of really interesting things I like this idea of it's the gift it's the gift you give your kids. And I think that people don't think about that as much as they should. But it's really, really true. I have met people who have spent a good part of their life taking care of parents. And although it's a labor of love, although, you know, in a sense, they feel like they're doing something good. They get to the point where they actually start to resent their parents after a while because they're so burdened by taking care of people and they're not qualified to do that. You guys bring in that qualification you, you bring in this stuff and it's the gift of things and i think uh, people need to remember, you can't just pick this place when it's too late. Right? So let's talk about this medical underwriting a little bit. And I don't want to get too in detail but one of the big things, I think today is this whole concept of dementia  Alzheimer's, you know when you're at that point where you don't have your memory anymore, and this affects two people often. So you know, you got a couple and one's healthy, and the other one is not and, and now you're restricted from doing what you want to do, which is the gift to your children, etc, etc.

Cecily Laidman20:42

Well, they're just a little tag on that gift to your children. quick story. In my program, I was there was a couple that signed up down in Delaware, and the woman after she signed the contracts and gave us a check started crying, and I'm like, oh my god, was this buyer's remorse, you know, and I was all worried about it. And she said, No, she said, I wish this had been around when my mother was around because I ended up taking care of her. And it changed our relationship. We were no longer a mother and daughter, and I wish if somebody else and I could have kept that relationship, so, it's, you know, very significant. And the same thing happens in a community. I was in one of the communities I used to work in the About a month ago, and I saw this woman who is now in a wheelchair, she was talking to a younger woman who was obviously her daughter, and she goes, she goes Tesla, Oh, it's so good to see that. And she looks at her daughter, this is the one that saved me. And you because I came here. I remember, you know, we she came in on a Thanksgiving day to do a tour and I didn't want to do it. You guys wanted me to do what she said Cecily was the best decision I ever made. So, you know, that was the gift that she gave her kids and she was you know, exemplifying that. And 

Ray Loewe21:57

You know, as usual, time flies when you're having fun. We have some time left. But let's take a little time and give Lori a chance to talk a little bit about her specific community. And the things that you do for people. What's different about them? What's the same about them? It's your commercial plug, go for it.

Lori Woodward22:17

Okay. All right. So Axe, the official company name is Acts retirement life communities been around for almost 50 years. Next year is our 50 year anniversary. And we have what are called continuing care retirement communities, sometimes called life plan communities. 26 of them from Pennsylvania down to Florida, all on the eastern seaboard. And we're founded in Pennsylvania right outside Philadelphia. So we have eight of them. Eight of them are right around here where our corporate office is here in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania. Anyway, our continuing care retirement communities. I explain them a couple different ways. One is you the best way to benefit from the this type of living is to move in when you're still independent, and most people move in we are 55 Plus, with one caveat that I'll get to in a minute. So most people move in when they're in their 70s late 70s. Move into independent living, mostly apartments, but on some campuses, we do have freestanding houses, villas, townhomes, etc. But there's a central clubhouse with a whole wide variety of life-enrichingactivities, everything from fitness centers, aquatic centers, pickleball courts, libraries, performing arts centers, that's all centrally located, kind of similar to what a lot of 55 plus communities offer that central clubhouse. But then if, if as a resident you ever need care of any type, whether it be rehabilitative care, a nurse practitioner oversight, or long-term assisted living or skilled nursing care, it's right on the same campus. So it's one-stop shopping, it's one decision move in. And it's one resident contract that gives the resident protections and explains what Axe provides to the resident. So people move on when they're independent, and typically live there, the rest of their lives and get all the care they need. But in the meantime, they have this university-like experience where they're, they're enjoying like-minded neighbors and participating in all kinds of programs that are available right on the campus. So it's very social enriching, and I like to say, life improvement experience that you get. Because if the fitness center is right there down the hall, you're going to go use it every day. If you're that way, if you're, you want to, you know, and you're going to get encouragement from your peers, which is different than staying in your house and, and having more alone time as you get older, honestly, the other thing that's a benefit is, when you move into a campus-like that your time with your family when they visit is time with your family. Yeah, you don't, you're not asking your son to mow your lawn and then having five minutes before he leaves to catch up with him. So that's another advantage in terms of financially. Axe offers primarily what we call life care contract type A Life Care. That's what it's called in the industry. And what that means is, when a resident moves in, they pay an entrance fee that's based on whatever apartment or house they move into. And they begin paying a monthly fee. And the monthly fee covers everything from restaurants, fitness center use, housekeeping, indoor and outdoor maintenance, and rent. So it's a very comprehensive monthly fee. And what life care means is, as a person may need permanent health care, later, their monthly fee stays the same wherever they live. So you're basically prepaying for potential future health care, in order to get a very stable healthcare rate at a future time. That's in today's dollars, not tomorrow's dollars. So that's a real financial advantage. And it offers a real good financial plan. It also, it also includes tax advantages, because the entrance fee and the monthly fee, because it includes a partial prepayment for future healthcare can be a tax deduction if the prospect is able to itemize in health care, or medical. So that's kind of my five-minute commercial about the two primary aspects of what we offer, it acts

Ray Loewe27:26

It's a great five-minute commercial. And thank you for that. And we're going, to sum up, a little bit and we're going to give everybody a chance to get their last-minute cover comments in. But I think what I got out of this is there comes a time in your life when you start to think about this. And there's a lot to think about, you know, are you going to? Are you going to go follow your kids and your grandchildren? And what's going to happen when they move? You know, but at some point in time, you have to choose where you're going to be because that's the gift to your kids. Right? Yeah, all right. Whether it's staying in your home, whether it's going to an Acts community, whether it's going somewhere else, it's part of the process? And when do people need to start thinking about this? Because we have the medical underwriting and the financial underwriting piece to think about? So if you're gonna advise somebody, you know, here I am, I'm 60 years old, let's say, and I'm thinking about retiring. You know, when do I need to start thinking about when do I need to start making provisions. So let's start with Lori on this.

Lori Woodward28:35

People should decide whether they removed want to move into a continuing care retirement community when they want social connection, and a vibrant environment that helps them age better, or at a point in time when they're starting to feel they want to know, there's a plan, you know, a lot of people start having little health issues, or they're at home alone, a spouse has died, that sort of thing. Move-in, move in, then, or think about moving in then is my advice.

Ray Loewe29:13

Well, thanks so much, Lori Woodward, and thanks to Cecily, and thanks for giving our listeners some clues as to what they need to think about. And we're going to be back next week with Cecily as our co-host and another guest. Okay, and Lori, you definitely are one of the luckiest people in the world and continue to be that way. And thank you. Taylor, we're at our end, thank you for Sign us off.

Kris Parsons29:39

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host of Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Guest Co-host and Podcast Guest:  Cecily Laidman:  [email protected]

Website:  https://springpointsl.org/springpoint-choice/

Transcription:

[00:00:00] Kris Parsons: Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it, too. Join us with your lively host Ray Lowe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

[00:00:17] Ray Loewe: Changing the rules. Uh, the show that is about the fact that we have too many darn rules in our life, and we need to sift and sort through them and pick out the ones that are really meaningful to us because that's the only way we are ever going to live our own lives. You know, you can't live your own life if you're living by other people's rules and, uh, This show is particularly geared for the luckiest people in the world.

[00:00:44] Ray Loewe: We have, uh, one of them with us today. Her name is Cecily Laidman. We're going to introduce her in a minute, but the luckiest people in the world, are those people at design their own lives, and then they live them under their own terms. And as a rule. They're happy. They're content they're moving forward. They're occupied, they're engaged, et cetera.

[00:01:05] Ray Loewe: So Cecily Laidman who is in charge of actually she runs everything at Spring Point Choice. She can, she can define this later, but spring point choice Cecily is what? 

[00:01:19] Cecily Laidman: Spring Point Choice is a program for people who want to remain in their home and age in place, which is about 90% of the population instead of moving into a retirement community or a life plan community.

[00:01:35] Cecily Laidman: And, uh, it replicates some of the services that you can get in a retirement community, but you're getting all of that in your home. So it's people want to stay in there. 

[00:01:46] Ray Loewe: Good. So we'll get more of that commercial in as we go, well, let's talk, let's talk about you for a minute. Okay. So, uh, you know, I know you were trained as an opera singer.

[00:01:57] Ray Loewe: You are trained as a jazz vocalist. Uh, you're a very intriguing, exciting person. That's why you're one of the luckiest people in the world. Tell us a little bit about your background. 

[00:02:08] Cecily Laidman: Well, I'm not only the luckiest person in the world. I also, um, you know, changing the rules. Um, I break the rules a lot and I think I've broken the mold in my, when I look back at some of the things that I have done, um, my life has been more like a kaleidoscope of a variety of things.

[00:02:27] Cecily Laidman: I never wanted to get the, what used to be the gold watch after being with a company for 50 years. So I did, as Ray mentioned, I, um, majored in voice in, in college and, and then knew I didn't really want to be an opera singer because I couldn't keep a straight face that long. And so I had sung professionally and focusing groups and jazz groups, uh, et cetera, and doing the national Anthem at places.

[00:02:55] Cecily Laidman: But, um, I had to get a day job to, to keep the money going. So I did a lot of different things. I was a special education teacher. I, I worked, I mean, I actually, one of the, one of the fun jobs I had was and lucky jobs was I was working in a prison. Worked in a prison for four years, doing art, music, dance theater, um, then I had a cup, a stint at the barcode company.

[00:03:21] Cecily Laidman: I worked for an architectural firm. So I didn't end this, you know, everybody, when people say, well, what do you do for a living? I said, well, what time is it? Because it would change all the time. And then. About almost 18, almost 20 years ago. Uh, I met a friend of mine and they talked about this thing called the senior living industry.

[00:03:42] Cecily Laidman: I have no idea what they were talking about. And so I kind of segwayed into this field, um, because it seemed kind of intriguing and it was something that I felt I could make a difference in the world and I can also do things that were good for other people and not just, you know, just the nine to five kind of job.

[00:04:03] Cecily Laidman: I mean, I, when I worked in a senior living community, um, how many people get to. Um, leave, uh, that I have a bunch of grandmothers that I was working with at that time. That would think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. I mean, that's a pretty nice job that people think you're terrific and, you know, so that was a nice environment.

[00:04:26] Cecily Laidman: So I kind of segwayed from that and, and just feel I'm very lucky because getting more involved in the senior living industry, I really stood back to look at what was needed and was very fortunate. A number of years to go, uh, to be asked to be part of, um, what was at that point called a program called Cadbury at home, but it's now called spring point choice.

[00:04:50] Cecily Laidman: And this was designed for people, as I say, at the beginning, people who really want to stay in their own home. And, um, so I, you know, my background though, I've still been able to, um, you know, help people out with art. And I, I sing once in a while for, um, communities and my members. So I've been very lucky to do a lot of different things, but still maintain, um, being in this industry for quite some time.

[00:05:20] Ray Loewe: So this, by the way, is very typical of people who are the luckiest people in the world sometimes takes them a while to figure out where they really want to go, but they're not afraid to try a whole lot of things. They're not afraid to experiment. And then when they find their niche. It just kind of takes off and that's when they just add so much value to other people.

[00:05:46] Ray Loewe: So let's talk a little bit about this concept of where are you going to go when you reach a certain stage in life? I guess we can call it like the second stage in your life. Uh, and that occurs at different ages for different people. Uh, but for most, or from many people that occurs when they retire and they are no longer in a working in their day job and now they have to figure out okay, where they want to be.

[00:06:17] Ray Loewe: And one of the things I think that we have to understand today is that there are lots of people that live to be a hundred-plus years. So it's not just about where are you going in the short run? Like our parents used to worry about it's, we may have to worry about this for 35 years or 40 years. 

[00:06:35] Cecily Laidman: Couldn't agree with you more Ray.

[00:06:37] Cecily Laidman: Um, and I, I think the, um, so many people that I know, uh, keep talking about, oh, I'm, uh, I can't wait to retire. I can't wait to retire. And then they retire and they're like, what do I do now? And, and that's kind of scary. And I think that one of the things that I've learned in this industry and the reason I'm still working is the fact that every person I have found or every resident of a community where I work or any member that I have, um, been dealing with in this in spring point choice, the people that have worked the longest are the youngest.

[00:07:16] Cecily Laidman: And are the most active and are the, have the sharpest acuity. And so I figure I'm going to be working till I'm about 105, and then I'll retire probably maybe something along those lines. So yeah, exactly. Exactly. 

[00:07:36] Ray Loewe: So the whole concept here is how do you live life to the fullest? And we don't know how long that's going to be.

[00:07:42] Ray Loewe: Uh, but it could be a long time. And, you know, do we really want to be sitting around doing nothing? Or do we want to have actively engaged lives? 

[00:07:53] Cecily Laidman: Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead. You have to have the activity, but I also um, you also have to have like, okay, the what-ifs, if there's that little, you know, the little person on your shoulder saying, you know, your, your grandmother had a stroke or something and, you know, look what happened there.

[00:08:16] Cecily Laidman: And so you have to, you have to plan and you have to plan sooner than maybe you think you have to plan people say for my program, when should I sign up for spring point choice, uh, the day before you need help. Um, and so how do you know when you're going to need assistance? Because you, you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.

[00:08:37] Cecily Laidman: I've seen too many cases of people that make this assumption, um, which I think I'm one of them I'm going to be healthy forever. I mean, I'm just, everything's going to be totally fine and I don't need anything. Well, no, you have to get, you have to plan for those things. And whether it be planning to go into a retirement community, planning to go into an over 55, or planning to join spring point choice and age in your home.

[00:09:05] Cecily Laidman: Um, but knowing that you have something taking the care of, so it's, um, you know, live your life, but, um, you know, think about. Yeah, I think when we do our seminars about our program and we give some of the financial investment, um, or the financial cost of what long-term care is all about, um, people are, are just not aware of how incredibly expensive, um, and it's, and it's going up every day.

[00:09:34] Cecily Laidman: Um, and this is not stuff that's going to be covered by your insurance or by your Medicare. Um, This is, this is stuff that you're going to out of your own pocket. 

[00:09:45] Ray Loewe: So, so let's give a couple of rough costs here. So let's suppose that I'm a healthy individual. I'm living my life. Now. I could be living in my own home.

[00:09:54] Ray Loewe: I could be in Florida. I could be with my kids. That could be anywhere. Okay. But at some point in time, if I need help, if I can't take care of myself,

[00:10:04] Ray Loewe: What's it going to cost me to get that help? How much a day, how much a month, 

[00:10:09] Cecily Laidman: right? Well, that's a good question. And, um, it depends on what time of day it is today because the given what we have experienced almost these past, you know, 18 months, almost going on two years with the pandemic, the cost of care has risen markedly. I would say two years ago, you could probably have a home health aid.

[00:10:33] Cecily Laidman: And we were only paying me. 19 or $20 a, an hour, it's now possibly 30 to $35 an hour for that same person to come into your home. Um, and there are, um, the costs are rising more because there's going to be minimums. Um, before, you know, I may have somebody that only needed a couple hours, uh, you know, once a week that ain't happening anymore.

[00:10:58] Cecily Laidman: I mean, so things, and that's why the planning part is so important because of, you never know what's going to happen, whether it be your own health or whether it be what's been happening for instance, with the pandemic, um, we didn't expect this to happen. I didn't expect in my budget one that it was going to the pandemic was coming and then all of the cost of the services.

[00:11:20] Cecily Laidman: So the services right now, if you have a there's their companion care and a home health aid that can range anywhere from 25 to $35 an hour for them to come in to help you with your activities of daily living. A live-in, in the old days, which the old days were only two or three years ago. I could get a live-in for maybe $190 a day.

[00:11:43] Cecily Laidman: Right now, livings are anywhere from 300 to $350. So all of those prices are going up markedly. Then when you get into the levels of care that are also included in our program, going into an actual community, into an assisted living. Or into skilled nursing. That's where your eyes, you know, will come right out of their sockets.

[00:12:08] Cecily Laidman: Skilled nursing is running anywhere from 400 to $500 a day, 400 to $500 a day. Think about that. And no Medicare doesn't cover that. They cover, you know, if you're having short-term rehab, they'll cover up to, you know, an X amount of days. But otherwise after that, man, you're on. 

[00:12:32] Ray Loewe: Okay, so let's change the tenor of this.

[00:12:34] Ray Loewe: That's all negative stuff. Right? However, however, you know, if we're going to live to be a hundred, if we're going to, and we don't know if we're going to live to ninety, a hundred, whatever it is, there's a good chance that at some point in time, we're going to need some of that care. Right. So hopefully not for a long, long time.

[00:12:53] Ray Loewe: So let's go back and let's talk about our person who is 65 years old. They're thinking about their life. They're hoping they're going to live to be a hundred, you know, but we've got to take care of this thing. And I have to say to everybody that I'm a proponent of what you do because I'm a member of Spring point choice, right?

[00:13:14] Ray Loewe: For now, for now. So so let me explain my life a little bit because it lays out perfectly what you do and why you're so important, I think. Okay. And butt in whenever you want. So Sandy and I, uh, decided, uh, uh, actually not to retire. Uh, we both work well into our seventies, but one of the things that I realized as a financial advisor that I might need this program at some time, I might need somebody to take care of me.

[00:13:46] Ray Loewe: I might eventually need full-time nursing care. So I didn't yet want to commit to one of these life care communities because I felt it was too young. I want to stay in my home and wherever that might be. And I wanted to live my life under my own terms, the way I wanted them. But I had to figure out how to get the peace of mind in doing this.

[00:14:11] Ray Loewe: Right. So, so what's happening is I joined your program and I'll tell ya. I, I felt immediately. Better. And the reason I felt immediately better is because all of a sudden, I didn't have to worry about this. I knew that no matter what happened, I took care of things. So now dump that whole thing.

[00:14:36] Ray Loewe: I'm thinking about living life. I'm thinking about what I want to do. I met a guy at a swim meet not too long ago. I swim competitively make a long story he had a whole bunch of medals. He went 103 years old. And he's out winning metals and celebrating with his friend, he's not sitting around in a nursing home, but somewhere to be able to do these things, you have to have the freedom to know that everything is in place and Cecily thank you for doing what you did because it gave me those options.

[00:15:12] Cecily Laidman: So nice to hear. It's so nice to hear that Ray because we've heard that from a number of people. Um, I, you know, I, every time we sign someone up, you know, after they've gone through and they've kind of decided whether or not this is the right thing for them, they have this another woman, um, had stood up and she goes, oh man.

[00:15:33] Cecily Laidman: And it's just like, what you just said. Right. It's kind of funny she says, I feel so relieved because now I don't have to worry and I can tell my kids, you don't have to worry. You're not going to have to be the one that's going to change my diaper. And, um, you know, something happens to me. It's, you know, you're in California, I'm in Delaware, and I, I have my care coordinator.

[00:15:53] Cecily Laidman: They're going to be able to take care of me. So it's just a relief all around. That you know, you have an actual advocate, um, helping you out, you know, our care navigators are, you know, unbelievable. So it's, it's um, it is a relief. Just like what you said is just like a peace of mind. 

[00:16:12] Ray Loewe: Now the most important thing to me was options.

[00:16:15] Ray Loewe: So again, let me tell you a little bit more of my story here. So Sandy and I moved into an over 55 community lovely house, lovely neighborhood. We thought that's where we were going to be forever. And you are going to come in and take care of me. Right? Okay. However, Like everything else, things change. And we made a decision at some point in time that, uh, we wanted a more active social engagement.

[00:16:44] Ray Loewe: So we started looking around at these life care communities, uh, that, uh, might take over my long-term care at some point in time. But the reason I had the options to think about this is because I had you in place. I had you in place. So whether I decide to stay in my home forever, or whether I decide to go somewhere else, you have to have that.

[00:17:11] Ray Loewe: I'm going to call it an insurance piece because that's the way I think about it. But it's not in your case. It's not underwritten by an insurance company it's written by somebody else. So, so that brings up a really interesting point. So what's the difference between what you do and what an insurance company will sell you in a policy?

[00:17:31] Cecily Laidman: Um, that's a really good question. Cause I kind of kiddingly refer to our program like long-term care insurance on steroids. Um, because interestingly I would say 35% of our membership also has long-term care insurance, but some of their cost is defrayed by the fact that they have long-term care insurance and thereby, lessening our exposure and, um, our, our outlay.

[00:17:59] Cecily Laidman: So we're different in that. Um, there is an actual individual that is your care navigator and, and in all honesty, I would say my entire team of care navigators. Are watching out for each of our members, but you have a, uh, a touchpoint with an individual who gets to know you when you have long-term care insurance, there's no individual that comes to your house and gets to know you and finds out the name of your dog and finds out that you're a vegetarian and finds out that you got a pool in the backyard and yada, yada, yada, you are allergic to cats.

[00:18:36] Cecily Laidman: This is a person that really gets to know you finds out, you know, who, who do we call if something happens, you know, all of that sort of stuff. And that individual is probably the cornerstone of this whole program and how it completely is different from just, a long-term care insurance product. Um, you know, the insurance company will email you a list of, um, agencies, if you needed help, that you can contact when you need help in your home.

[00:19:02] Cecily Laidman: Your care navigator is going to find that right person that's going to fit in with all of those things that that person has learned about you. In addition, ours is lifetime. There's not any long-term care insurance company that is underwriting, um, a lifetime coverage. Nobody's doing that anymore. As a matter of fact, there's only one or two companies that are actually writing long-term care insurance.

[00:19:25] Cecily Laidman: Anymore because the, you know, years ago they kind of messed up with their actuaries and their assessments on their projections. I think they messed up. They figured there'd be more attrition, but everybody kept it going. So it's lifetime. And it also just, it, it goes, it there's no inflation other than the, um, cost of living increase in your monthly fee.

[00:19:49] Cecily Laidman: Um, you know, you could, you could be sitting in a skilled nursing. And paying five or $600 a month. And the guy next to you is paying 14 or $15,000 a month. 

[00:20:02] Ray Loewe: Okay. And as usual, unfortunately, our, our time is coming to an end, but let's position this a little bit because, uh, Cecily's been a wonderful person here and she has agreed to be my co-host for the next month of September.

[00:20:18] Ray Loewe: And so we're going to be bringing you for the next four weeks, different people in different aspects of this whole long-term care. World, many of who actually, all of them are your competitors right. But they're not, 

[00:20:34] Cecily Laidman: they're all different choices.

[00:20:35] Ray Loewe: Yeah. There are different choices. And the purpose of this is to be able to layout to our listeners.

[00:20:42] Ray Loewe: What are some of the choices that you want to think about and what you want to make of them? Uh, my personal feeling is that it is early as possible and the game and this is usually limited by age. Uh, nobody writes these things before 55 or 60 years old, but at some point around there, you, you have to secure your future financially, whether it's an insurance policy, whether it's making a commitment to one of these organizations that we're going to highlight, whether it's going to Cecily's company and purchasing a care contract of some kind, because unfortunately, as we get older, our health diminishes and later on, we may not be able to finance this. 

[00:21:28] Cecily Laidman: To make those decisions. 

[00:21:32] Ray Loewe: And if you can't, then you're not one of the luckiest people in the world anymore, because you're not designing your own life. You're not designing your own choices. You're going where you can. Yep. Okay. So it's really, really important and Cecily,I appreciate the fact that you're here.

[00:21:51] Ray Loewe: We're going to be talking to some people over the next few weeks from some of the big long-term care providers, the continuing care places. And the goal here is to get people, to make the decisions that they need to have so that you can live your life under your own terms. 

[00:22:14] Cecily Laidman: Absolutely. Yep. Get your, and get as much information as possible.

[00:22:19] Cecily Laidman: So you make that right decision. Okay. 

[00:22:21] Ray Loewe: So we got to two minutes Cecily, put in your closing remarks, and then we'll see you next week for more.

[00:22:28] Cecily Laidman: Oh, all I was, all I would say is, um, it's never too early to make a long-term care decision. Um, I think that I really appreciate how Ray has been providing this information, the informational sessions that we're going to be doing.

[00:22:47] Cecily Laidman: Um, because a lot of people just don't think about it. And they said, oh, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, well, tomorrow comes really fast as we all know. And so it's, it's really to find out what your lifestyle, what kind of lifestyle you want, what kind of security you want or do you want to be nervous about, you know, the what-ifs, you know, what if tomorrow something terrible happens?

[00:23:11] Cecily Laidman: Um, I think we've all had some, either experienced ourselves or with other people, major life changes that have diverted you into another direction. Um, so given all this information that you're going to be getting on these podcasts, It will give you that opportunity to make what the right decision is. So you're not thrown off the railroad tracks, 

[00:23:34] Ray Loewe: right?

[00:23:34] Ray Loewe: So, uh, Cecily Laidman from Spring Point Choice. Thanks for being with us today. Uh, you certainly are one of the luckiest people in the world. I will go back to singing once we get into this,

[00:23:46] Cecily Laidman: Ok, I'll sing on the next one 

[00:23:48] Cecily Laidman: how's that?

[00:23:49] Ray Loewe: Taylor why don't you sign us off and we'll have a great guest for everybody next week.

[00:23:57] Kris Parsons: Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that, too. Join us with your lively house to Ray Lowe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world. 

Guest Co-host:  Kris Parsons:  [email protected]

Kris' Website:  https://parsons-pr.com/

Secondary Guest Co-host:  Bill Hughes:  [email protected]

Podcast Guest:  [email protected]

Carol Patton's Website:  https://adventuresofmo.com/

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:02

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too. Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:16

And good morning everybody and welcome to our podcast studio here in scenic Woodbury, New Jersey, and I just did some, something I shouldn't have done. I popped a "p" when I talked into the microphone.  Move back from the microphone, move back. Yeah. Okay, so we're here with our engineer Taylor, we have a great guest today. And we have kind of like, we have an official co-host and kind of a secondary co-host today. Because Bill Hughes joined us in the studio today. And so our guest Carol Patton is going to get it from three people. Carol, just Good morning and you're not on yet. But just say good morning to everybody. Good morning. Thanks for having me. Okay, so we know because we convene every week that the luckiest people in the world are those people who reinvent their own lives, they personally decide what they want to do. And once they've structured their own lives, they live them under their own terms. Now, structuring your own life isn't an easy thing to do. You know, we all kind of have goals or ideas of what we want. But then this thing called life gets in the way, and it just throws bombs at us sometimes. And what we find, though, is that there is a group of people, the luckiest group of the luckiest people in the world, who just find a way to handle it. And they don't let things derail them for very long. And we have one today that we're going to talk to, that's Carol Patton. And Kris on say, Hello. You can say that you're with Parsons, PR again, and then you do branding and all of those things, and then introduce Carol for us.

Kris Parsons01:58

I will I will. And I'm Kris Parsons, Parsons, PR Yes. And I've been hosting all month with Ray, this is my last Tuesday. I'm very excited. And thank you, Carol is coming to us all the way from Las Vegas. She's, we didn't have her come earlier. So she gets a little bit more sleep. But she is here with us from Las Vegas, Nevada, we're happy to have her. And she was 25 years as a journalist. And then, like all the luckiest people in the world, she decided to pivot. And she is now creating a free online children's series called The Adventures of Mo, which is dedicated to her late puppy dog Mo. And it's very exciting. It's not only an adventure book for kids, but it's also teaching a really valuable skill to children, which is geography. And I think a lot of them need it. So I don't want to talk anymore about it. I'd like Carol to kind of tell us a little bit about her ebook and how you transitioned from 25 years as a major national journalist to something that's really completely different Carol.

Ray Loewe03:03

Let me help structure that a little bit, Carol. So we know that you are a successful journalist for years. And we know that you wrote a lot of stuff. And who did you used to write for when you wrote and what did you used to write about?

Carol Patton03:18

I used to write for anybody pretty much that would give me a paycheck. Or anybody from AARP, their website, I used to do business articles for them to the American Heart Association to business or trade publications. I wrote about I'm still writing about doctors who have unusual hobbies for magazines rheumatologists, human resource executive, you know, I probably have written for maybe 50 to 100 different types of organizations or publications. 

Ray Loewe03:50

Okay now, how did we get from there to writing about the adventures of Moe?

Carol Patton03:57

Well, many years ago, you know, I could see the handwriting on the wall that you know, I was going to be retiring and what did I want to do for the rest of my life retirement to me, never, ever meant, okay, go out to breakfast, and then talk, go shopping and then talk about where you want to go for dinner. That's not how I live my life. So I said, How could I possibly spend the next 20 or 30 years after I retire? And I got this idea in my head, about cardinal directions north, south, east, west, teaching people cardinal directions, because before GPS became available on cell phones and everywhere else in cars, I got I grew so tired of asking people where they were and they had no clue. At the same time, there were some life events that happened. You know, family events, nature takes its course. People get sick, people pass away, my dog passed away, and so I decided to join the passing of my dog with this book, and use my writing skills as a donations vehicle for children's um literacy programs and also animal charities. So that's how that was born.

Ray Loewe05:06

Wonderful. So let's talk a little bit about Moe and his travels. So what? Where's Moe going? Where did he come from? What's happening?

Carol Patton05:17

Okay, Mo that the storyline is this Mo. I can't show you where he's at, because kids in this in every chapter, guess what chapter Mo is in. And there's lots of clues in every chapter. So how it starts is Moe finds a key attached to a key chain. And the key chain says Florida, he never heard of Florida doesn't know what Florida is where Florida is. So long story short, he decides along with the other animals that he lives with that this key must be valuable. So he travels along with a bird who's a friend on top of the delivery truck, unbeknown to the delivery driver, to every single state in the country, searching for Florida. So every single chapter in this book or series focuses on a different state, and kids learn geography. In some states, it could be history, cardinal directions, there's also some lessons about friendship and diversity. So it's all wrapped up. And each chapter is very unique, very different. There is no duplication.

Kris Parsons06:25

I love it. I love it.

Ray Loewe06:27

Okay, so, you know, I know that other people have read this book, and you had somebody who said, I read the first 10 chapters in a row and would have read more. But

Carol Patton06:39

yes, it was I was trying to find somebody to help me market this because marketing is not my forte. So I interviewed a fantastic marketer, her name is Suzanne. And I said you got to read the first couple of chapters because if you're going to market this, you actually have to read the whole book. But just read the first couple of chapters and let me know if you're interested. So about a week later, we connected? And I said, Did you read the first chapter, the first two or three chapters, and she said, Carol, I read the first 10 chapters in a row, you know, it was great, but I had to stop because I had to go to the bathroom. That's the best review, I think I'll ever get no matter how much money I pay. So she is now the marketing director of this project, and she's phenomenal. She works at a high school with a special I believe, special ed kids. And her ideas are phenomenal. And she loves the series. And she's the one who we talk about expanding it beyond second and third graders. So she's you know, nobody does anything in the dark. Nobody does anything in a silo. When you have a project like this, it's important to have people that you trust, respect, are skilled around you. And I have, you know, you want me to continue Ray. Okay, I had to get an illustrator. But when you're starting a project like this, everybody's broke. Nobody has any money. So I called a community college to see if there was a student that would be willing to work for pay, but not you know, $100 an hour kind of thing. So the teacher said, I know someone who's Great. Well, what I didn't realize was, the teacher was sort of an adjunct professor at that college. And she was really a high school teacher. She referred me to a 16-year-old named Ira. And I had to decide, talk about breaking the rules do I partner with a 16-year-old for this project, this project could take, you know, many years. Anyway, Ira did the majority of the chapters, there are two drawings, line drawings for kids to color per chapter. His work ethic is better than most adults I know. He never missed a deadline. He was phenomenal. He is now an engineering student. I believe he was a sophomore in college. And then the next person I found was off. I don't know if you have the next-door app. But it's a neighborhood app. Yeah, it's a neighborhood app. And this guy, I said, I need somebody to do IT. I need a technical person because I'm not. Same thing his name is Saad phenomenal. I remember once I asked him to do a favor for me, he says well, I'm taking a test right now. And then five minutes later, he responded. He says, Okay, I just did it. I took a break from one of the questions. I mean, it's amazing. I feel so lucky to have these people in my life and associated with this project. 

Ray Loewe09:31

Well, I think you make the luck, right, everybody? Yeah. I mean, there's no question about that. And I think it shows out of your passion for the project. And the fact that it's meaningful to you and therefore people want to join. So I kind of like to go back and think about your history here. Let's think for a minute about how other people who hear your story might be motivated to take a project, that's been sitting there and sitting there and sitting there and nothing happened. So how does one get off the rear end and make things start?

Carol Patton10:09

Well, a lot of it is double duty. And if I can just step back even just a little bit further. I know a lot of people that have golden handcuffs. By that, I mean, they get paid very well, get great Benny's benefits. But they don't want to leave their job. And I had a corporate job, very good pay, very good benefits. And I came home one day for work, I hated it, I hated I disliked the corporate scene. And I told my husband, I wanted to quit and become a freelance writer, I had no clients, you know, after he picked himself up off the floor. You know, we talked about it, and we made some boundaries and some suggestions. And I went ahead with it. And so most of my jobs required writing. And everybody told me that I should become a writer or a journalist, I got that kind of feedback. So I jumped from a, you know, a corporate scene to a nonprofit and corporate scene to becoming my own freelancer. But what I had to do was, I had to have a part-time job to help sustain me, I still had to pay, you know, the utilities, the rent the food bill, you know, all of that. So I worked part-time, and I freelanced part-time until I could freelance full-time, because you got to be realistic about this, right. And so along the way, like I said, you know, 25 years, as a freelancer, I know how to write. And when this idea came along, I was still writing full-time. I was still freelancing, full-time. So double duty, you know, reality sets in you can't just jump in and expect everybody to say, Oh, this is such a great book. So I worked full time, and I never took out a loan for this project. It's very, it can be very expensive if you do something like this. And I paid as I went along, and that was one of the boundaries that, you know, we decided, my husband and I. And so when COVID came last year, many of the magazines I wrote for us through either acquisitions or COVID, didn't have the budget didn't want freelancers, and I found myself sort of out on a limb. And I said, you know, what, if I don't finish Mo now, when will I. So I took advantage of COVID when everybody was stuck home, and I wrote the majority, the rest of the stories, I think maybe like 30 stories, 35 chapters, if you will, during 2020. And I just finished it in June of 2021. So I took advantage of a bad situation, to see how it could benefit me and the other people, the charities that I want to give to. And so that's how it came about.

Ray Loewe12:46

What a great story.

Kris Parsons12:49

Oh, yeah, it's a wonderful, positive way of pivoting and taking a bad situation and using that opportunity. You said you started this book in 2013. Right. So it's not like this happened overnight?

Carol Patton13:01

No, no. And like I said, um, you know, I was thinking about it for a very, very long time. And, you know, cardinal directions. I talked to a teacher, she said that I've never heard of a book that taught kids or introduced children to cardinal directions. And so that's what stuck with me. And also, I remember, I was talking with this woman, she was telling me that she was from Northern Oregon, a city in northern Oregon. And I said, Oh, I never heard of Siri city. And I'm sorry, she first said the name of the city. And I said, Where is it? And she said, Northern Oregon, you know, right next to the California border. And obviously, that's Southern Oregon, she and she didn't know directions. And, and so this had been brewing in me for a while. And then when my dog passed, I said, Okay, how can I marry the two together, and use my writing skills and also contribute, give back to the community at the same time. So that's you know, I was fortunate, and then I was able to marry everything together and proceed. And you know, every year I wrote, you know, one, a couple, one story a month, something like that. And then I got really busy. Life took over, you know, as life events took over, I was sometimes he was unable to do things for many, write stories for many, many months. And then I decided with COVID. Now we're never so I jumped in with both feet.

Ray Loewe14:27

Give us an example, if you will, about how you incorporate these cardinal directions into a story here. Okay, so pick a story.

Carol Patton14:40

Okay, well, I'll start from the beginning. Let's say they start at a stage from Washington. And they go I can't remember what they go from Washington to I believe in New Mexico. I identify the highway he's heading on I don't know what the highway is Forgive me. But lets You know, I-95 east or south, and they travel for four or five hours or three days. And so it gives kids a sense of direction, okay, they're heading east, they're heading west, they're heading south. And so at the beginning of every chapter, or within the first page or two of every chapter, you get a sense of direction of which way they traveled. Because every story has clues in it, about where they are, there could be the names of cities, there could be the motto of the license plate, there could be the history of that state. You know, so kids guess. And that's part of the game of this, Where's Moe now, so you can track them going across the country. And they in one chapter, they meet a professor, a Professor of directionology. And he explains the directions, you know, what, north, south, east, west are. And so I thought I had to throw that in, in a more formal sense. 

Kris Parsons16:00

Right, I hope you put route 66 in there. That's like the famous route 66.

Carol Patton16:07

I can't remember. But I'll tell you, I learned so much about this country about how I think I could probably go from the first chapter, which is Alaska, all the way to Florida without a roadmap. Great. But yeah, yeah, it was fun. It was, a lot of fun to do. And it was probably the most challenging thing I've ever done.

Kris Parsons16:24

Well, and also tells isn't there, somebody big that's all of a sudden interested in this. And, and this kind of ties into the whole luckiest person in the world, how you take chances, you kind of cold call people, you know, I mean, people say, Oh, you can't do that. But you've done it. And now you've got somebody big kind of interested in this book, right?

Carol Patton16:44

Yeah, yeah, I Well, we'll find out. It's still on the drawing board now. But I call I wanted to contact children's literacy programs. And obviously, the gold standard for one of those charities is reading is fundamental. They've been around for about 55-60 years, something like that. So I cold call them I don't I didn't have any context. I didn't know anybody. And I ended up speaking, I believe with the marketing VP, and we're trying to work something out where they could help promote Mo and I could help fundraise for them. I also sent out, you know, this is hard work, I don't want anybody to think that luck is just you wake up one morning, and you know, everything falls in your lap. I sent out over 200 emails to everybody in every state, every location in that state, a lot of the chapters take place in a museum or a park. So I would send the email to those locations. And, you know, two of them. One of the stories takes place at Kitt Peak National Observatory, the parent company of Kitt Peak, wrote us back saying, We love the chapter, and they wrote a story about it in their staff newsletter. The state of Arkansas parks department, again, really enjoyed the story, and they promoted it on their Facebook page. Now I know there's a way to get more return for your investment because two out of 200 is really a poor investment. But that's you have to reinvent yourself, you have to keep trying different things. Some will fail, some will succeed, but you got to keep trying.

Ray Loewe18:22

Yeah, and 2 out of 200 actually, isn't that bad? Yeah. Okay. It's not that bad at all. And it's significant into what the results are. So every project kind of has a beginning, a middle. And then where's it going next?

Carol Patton18:36

Well, what I want to do is, oh, Mo also sponsors contests, free children's contests, you have to read a chapter to answer your question, and you get a really cool, fun prize. So we've done two of those already. As I said, the story was just finished in June. So we just started marketing in July, less, you know, eight weeks ago. So we've done all these things in eight weeks. What I'm hoping to do is have a lot of teachers, a lot of parents, download the story, read them, I asked for a $1 or $2 donation, half of the donations after taxes or any advertising that the website may attract will be donated to these charities, and the other half will sustain the series. So you've got to grow it. And so I'm trying to grow it right now, to get this on everybody's bookshelf, libraries as well. The story is also being reviewed as we speak. And, you know, so that's and I'm hoping to also half of whatever products I sell, it could be a T-shirt, it could be a compass, it could be anything related to the stories, half of those that are being that will be sold. Any revenue I get from those product sales will also go to the children's charities, and also animal charities. So that's what's next.

Ray Loewe20:05

Well, that's great. And this book is free, right? Yes, yes, totally free, free, $1 donation, something like that. But how do you get it?

Carol Patton20:15

You go to Adventuresofmo.com, you do not have to donate anything. If you can afford to, the charities that I'm hooking up with would definitely appreciate your donation. But I'm asking you to donate $1 or $2, if you cannot afford it, the book is free, I did not want to ban this book from people who could not afford it. So I made sure that the donations were very minimal. 

Ray Loewe20:44

Cool, and we'll make sure that you know, that site is available on our podcast notes so that people can find it. And unfortunately, Carol we're getting near the end of our time. 20 minutes goes by really fast when you're having fun. I think you have an incredible story. That's a learning story for a lot of people who might listen to this podcast, it's a story about how you take an idea and make it happen. When a whole lot of things are telling you it's gonna be difficult to make it happen. You know, you had one quote that I see from our pre-interview, I don't know if you want to comment on it, but "Appreciate what you have and focus on what you want." Is that kind of what you did here.

Carol Patton21:33

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, the other thing I tell people is, if you wonder why you are where you are in life, at this point, look at the choices and look at the decisions you've made. And that will tell you, you know, I could have easily said, Oh, I'll do this tomorrow, oh, I'll never make it I, you know, the biggest challenge I have is doubt, self-doubt. And I threw self-doubt out of the house out of my mind. He or she or they are not ever allowed back in. So you just have to look at the choices that you make and tell yourself, you know, based on reality, of course, you know, I could not be a brain surgeon, but I can be a writer. You know, is this what I want? And if it is go after it. And if you fail? You know, the biggest word in the world is if I did not want to spend the rest of my life wondering if so now I don't have to.

Ray Loewe22:35

Cool. Alright, Bill or Kris any closing comments?

Kris Parsons22:38

No, I just I was just really engaged. And I have to tell you, Carol, you could just feel your passion through the microphone. It's really wonderful. And it's exciting. And I'm very excited to see how this book goes. And I think that Carol is probably a typical example of what the luckiest people of the world are you. You really found the passion you went for it? You pivoted? You did all those things. So we're excited to follow your  progression. Yeah.

Carol Patton23:05

Thank you keep my fingers crossed. Yep, 

Bill Hughes23:07

there was clearly something that went before here. And I picked up on several of those things that you mentioned because there were some parameters that you circled around your objectives. And they have to fit within that framework. And that's part of a maturity that occurs over a lifetime. And is a very, very strong thing to get to people to know because then they can use that themselves. I really appreciate that.

Carol Patton23:34

Yeah, I'm not going to take out a second mortgage on my house, you know?

Kris Parsons23:38

Not that much of a passion, right, right.

Ray Loewe23:41

Exactly. Well, and you don't have to, you know, I think you find a way and that's what the luckiest people did. So, thank you so much for being with us. And you're gonna show up again on one of our cocktail hours and answer questions for people who want to know more, more about Mo right?

Kris Parsons24:00

More about Mo there we go. 

Carol Patton24:01

A lot of fun. Thanks for having me.

Ray Loewe24:04

All right, everybody. Thanks for being with us. And we'll be back next week with another wonderful guest and Taylor sign us off.

Kris Parsons24:14

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host of Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Guest Co-host:  Kris Parsons:  [email protected]

Kris' Website:  https://parsons-pr.com/

Podcast Guest:  Bill Hughes:  [email protected]

Transcription:

Kris Parsons00:02

Welcome to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do it too.  Join us with your lively host Ray Loewe, better known as the luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe00:16

You know, I really like this lively host thing. If it were only true.

Kris Parsons00:20

You are lively. No, you are.

Ray Loewe00:21

Well, right now I haven't had enough caffeine, but we are here in sunny, scenic downtown Woodbury, New Jersey, in the studio at the wildfire podcasting works. Yes. And we have, we're surrounded today we have a full studio, we have Bill Hughes with us. We're gonna have a really good discussion. We have Kris Parsons, here, we have our engineer Taylor hiding in the other room, okay. But he makes everything work. And we're hopefully going to talk to a couple of the luckiest people in the world today. And we're going to talk a lot about the luckiest people in the world. And you need to remember that the luckiest people in the world are those people who design their own lives and then live them under their own terms. That's right. And that means that they have to cope with things like rules. And they cope with them the right way. Usually, they know that they need rules, but they tailor those rules to make sure that it does what they want to do. So Kris Parsons has been our co-host my last week. Yes, my last week here.  So introduce yourself. Again, quickly. I know you'll look to get that Parsons PR plugin there, you might as well do it.

Kris Parsons01:37

I do. I'm Kris Parsons of Parsons, PR. I do marketing and public relations for a variety of different organizations, everything from special events to small businesses, I just help you get in the news, and I help brand you. And so I've been with Ray here for a while. And we've been co-hosting for the week. It's a month that's really gone by fast. So it's

Ray Loewe02:00

time flies when you're having fun. It really is I've been having a lot of fun. So enough about us introduce our guest. 

Kris Parsons02:05

I well. Well, Bill, he's been with us a lot to Bill Hughes. I think I met you a couple of years ago, maybe Yeah, I think we met actually at Fleming's or my lab to give them a pitch. Yeah, we met at Fleming's for a little cocktail hour. But now all our coffee and cocktail hours are virtual. Bill comes from many years in the financial business. He's done some exciting things throughout his life. And he also now has pivoted recently, which is what the luckiest people in the world, do 2020 he has changed some of his focus of financial work to actually helping people find out what their niches are right. That's right. So Bill wanted to expand on that a little bit about what you do with I don't know if you want to call it coaching or?

Bill Hughes02:51

Yeah, it's kind of a term that's overused a little bit. Yeah, life coaching, that's I don't know how good I'd be at a life coach anyway, because I have a hard time coaching my own life. But the idea behind it is to help people get clarity on the direction they want to go. And typically, when they're in transition, that's a very difficult thing to do. Sure, is. So, 

Ray Loewe03:12

you know, before we get into our mission today, what we're going to talk about, let's talk about this coaching thing a little bit, because, you know, too many people think that they can coach themselves and they can't. That's true. And the other thing I find is, how many different coaches do you have? coach Bill? 

Bill Hughes03:30

Oh, geez, Well you're one Ray. Well, yeah, I mean, obviously, I have a coach that's on a very regular basis that I talked with, I don't know how anybody can be in this line of work and not believe in coaching for themselves. because like you said, it's very, it's very difficult. There are some people that can self-coach, but it's a very, very small minority of folks that can do that. And for the most part, you really need to have some kind of an alternative to your own thought process. So that you can challenge the directions you want to go in, and at least have a devil's advocate to say, Well, so what if that doesn't work? What are you gonna do then, and, or that sounds like a great idea. But you know, and just constantly an alter-ego type of thing where somebody's kind of questioning your thought process so that you get the kind of clarity and need to move things along. Plus, I think probably the biggest thing with coaching more than anything else is accountability. If you don't have an accountability partner, and I mean, anybody can be a coach, I mean, you can, you can have a partner who's in a similar line of work or a different line of work and wants to move themselves in a direction and you can hold each other accountable. So I just suggest to people that I speak with, particularly folks that are kind of limited on resources and can't necessarily engage somebody professionally, that they should look for somebody, to work with. And usually, it's somebody else in a similar situation. And then it allows them to hold each other accountable. So

Kris Parsons05:02

it's also a little bit like working out, you have to practice Yeah, you just can't say, Okay, I'm going to listen to somebody for 15 minutes and then know how I'm going to do my life, you have to really practice. And that's kind of what we talk about with the luckiest people in the world. It's an ongoing process, and it takes practice, if you want to change your life, you have to do it in steps.

Ray Loewe05:23

Well, you know, this is one of the things that I get out of doing these podcasts. It's because everybody comes on here, it's kind of like a coach to me. And you have to take it that way. Because they all have great ideas, they all can get you excited about life. And you need more than that, you need the second half, which is the accountability that Bill talked about. But the whole idea of being able to get that from a podcast, and hopefully from our conversations that we have the cocktails every week and the coffee, you get a chance to add to this coaching experience. So it's not like a one on one kind of a thing. But it helps the same kind of thing.

Kris Parsons06:06

So that leads us almost to our next question, what I know, Bill has been probably one of our most loyal attendees of our coffee hour and cocktail hours, we've been doing that now, ever since the pandemic, we've been doing 8:45 in the morning for coffee hour, Eastern Standard Time, which doesn't leave a lot of our west coast people, they usually come to the cocktail hour, which is 4:45 Eastern Standard Time. But Bill's been at practically all of them. So why have you come all the time? And what do you get out of it? 

Bill Hughes06:35

Well, I guess the main thing I get is I get to hear other people's stories. I mean, the folks that tend to show up on these calls, and particularly, the very interesting people that show up on these calls, are folks that are making those transitions now. And in many cases,are you know, knee-deep in whatever project you're working on? And I'm always curious to find out a few things, but one of the things I want to find out is what was the turning point, what was the trigger that suggests to them, okay, I've had enough of this, I'm going to do that now and consequentially get to hear their story. And the people that show up and the stories are so vast and differentiated that if you get bored with one story, hang around for a couple minutes, you're going to hear another one that's

Ray Loewe07:24

Well, that's part of our promises that the luckiest people in the world are also the most interesting people they are. And I think they really are, you know, they just tend to get into things, they figure out how not to get stuck, right? And then they figure out how to get their projects done. And they're usually doing absolutely fascinating and motivating things. And, that's one of the benefits of hanging out in this uh virtual environment, which hopefully won't be virtual too much longer.

Kris Parsons07:54

Right, right. Cuz we were meeting but you, you would even said it was getting costly. Because when you went to a bar, you had to buy the drinks and the food now we just sit in our underwear and talk to each other. Yeah

Bill Hughes08:05

Well, the nice thing is that while the past circumstances over the past 18 months or so have been somewhat difficult. They've also revealed a lot of things too. And one of them is the fact that we do have these wonderful tools that are at our disposal, which allow us to do things kind of on the fly now that we couldn't do before. So now you can interact with folks pretty much anywhere, anytime, in many cases dressed any way you want. Come as you are. And it's an interesting dynamic, it's really helped out a lot.

Kris Parsons08:40

Yeah, I think we do underestimate how technology has actually helped us through this mess. And it's going to continue because I think a lot of people are comfortable with some of it. 

Bill Hughes08:51

Well, there's things. There's triggers that people push while I'm sitting there too. And I like to hear if particularly if there's a number of folks or I like to hear the others and how they react to some of the things that they're hearing. Because, again, people don't realize a resource like this is even available. I mean most of the kinds of virtual conferences people go to there's a set agenda. You do this first, you do this next, you do this last. And this is completely upended that I mean, you, get really a group of people, you have a conversation, obviously, I like the smaller ones more because you get a chance to interact directly. But even so usually when they're larger, there's somebody there that's extraordinarily interesting. And you kind of want to hear their whole story. And you got 45 minutes to get through that. So

Ray Loewe08:51

Well, I think the idea is we're definitely going to a hybrid model going forward because this these zoom calls could save so much time, you know, and you just don't have to go places and you can do two or three of them together. But they're not nearly as much fun as sitting around having a cocktail and eating chopped-up steaks, you know, stuff like that. So let's get back to this, this whole conversation thing Bill. If, when you come on to these things, you know, you said you're there to hear other people's stories and that's pretty much typical of the way you treat them because you tend not to talk a lot until you really have something to say yeah, and we keep them pretty tight at 45 minutes. Yeah, that's true. And the other thing that we encourage people to do here is that if you can only pop on sometimes for 5-10 minutes to do that, and because you get the networking part done, you know, you get everybody's email address that we send out, and you can follow up with people, even if you don't have a chance to do it right then and there. Sure. The other thing it does for me, I don't know about you is, I enjoy just seeing people show up and it lets you know that they're alive and well. Right?

Kris Parsons10:58

Actually, I like that about you, Ray. Ray, actually, if someone hasn't been on the coffee and cocktail hours for, you know, a month or so he'll call them and say is everything okay? You feeling Okay? That's nice because I really think a lot of people don't have that they don't have somebody checking up on them. Yeah.  Everyone assumes everything's fine.

Ray Loewe11:15

You know, usually, they put you in your place, though, and say, yeah, I've just been bored with you. And I didn't want to put up, with you anymore. You know so let's shift gears a little bit, we can come back to the coffee and the cocktails thing. But let's talk about the value of the podcasts and what you see there. And when you know maybe you can highlight even some of the most valuable ones to you. And why?

Bill Hughes11:26

Well, there have been quite a few of them, I don't know that I can pick out anyone in particular that sticks out, because they all have some aspect of them that's worth listening to. And the thing I like most about the podcast, is that you can do them anytime, right? You can there. And they're not, it's not like you're committing to an hour and a half or two look I've seen podcast to go three, four hours. I don't know how they do it, I really, I don't have to take breaks what you know, what do they do. But in many of those kinds of situations, then you're kind of like listening to part of it. And then maybe you get back to it, maybe you don't, if you can't get through these podcasts in the time that they're set up, then you really got to take a look at your life and your own priorities. Because you're really rushed. I mean, with a podcast go for what 25-30 minutes, I mean, but it's a concentrate, 25-30 minutes, you guys do a pretty good, I'd say very good job in breaking up the interview and getting the gist of that person's dynamic or their specific, luckiest quotient or whatever that is. And that comes out in those calls. And that way. Plus, if you if you hear somebody like you get here and again, you can then go back and hear him take notes. I mean, there's a lot of things you can do with a podcast like that, that you really can do on the coffee thing. I mean, it's oftentimes somebody will say something really interesting, and it kind of goes by the wayside. Yet I believe some of those are recorded though, aren't they? Are they recorded?

Ray Loewe13:11

The podcast or the coffee and cocktails? And actually, we usually don't? Because part of it is we want people free Yeah, they would they want to sit

Bill Hughes13:19

probably not conducive to that and the podcasts are more topical anyway, you've you're bringing somebody on. And it's about their circumstances and where they are and how and what's interesting about what they do and that kind of thing. And that's the part that you get, you could listen to it over and over again if you wanted to. And there may be some that people should do that with

Kris Parsons13:41

Now, why did you pick and you get different kernels of information? Yeah, because they do say some things and then you turn around and say, oh, that will help me and that I think is part of the luckiest people in the world. We're trying to trigger situations where whoever's listening, gets something out of it to take and use for their own growth.

Ray Loewe13:59

Right, right. You know, the thing that fascinates me about doing these podcasts is the number of people that I'm going to use the word adversity, although I don't think the luckiest people in the world, think of it as adversity at all. They just think it is a bump in the road, you know, I'm trying to do something and it's important for me to do and Okay, life gets in the way. So, you know, we'll figure out how to get around it. But you know, I've just seen so many people that have had their businesses shut down well, and they find a way to survive for a year and then they find a way to crank it up and they find a way to make some changes and you can just look at the way our coffee and conversation things have changed to they went from face to face to virtual and we're going to go back to some sort of a combination of the two because they both have advantages and disadvantages

Kris Parsons14:53

Right, when in fact November 6th, is when we're going to do our first in-person, friends connection. We're going Pick one of our guests, Jeff Lincoln, who has Passero coffee and talk about pivot, he'd had to go from having stores to having closing stores has closed, his stores opened. Now he's got an online business. So we're going to learn how to make coffee. Yeah, the other thing. 

Bill Hughes15:14

The other thing that I pick up on these calls too, particularly on the podcast, in particular, but often on the calls as well, is the passion that exudes from the individual that's engaged in a project, they really love. Something that they it gets them out of bed in the morning, makes them feel excited. And just picking up on that energy in and of itself, I think is something that is another attribute that I look for, because again when you're coaching people, you're trying to get to that aspect of what it is that really excites them because that's the thing. There's all kinds of motivational talks out there. And everybody has been through that, jamboree is over a period of time and the thing that I like about them as they do get you excited, they get your blood pumping. The thing I don't like about them is that there's a half-life of about 10 minutes. Yeah, and as soon as you leave a conference, or you leave a motivational talk or even something, you're listening to one on tape,if you do work, I'm really dating myself, on an mp3 player, whatever you're listening to you, you then get immersed in life, and all that stuff gets forgotten. Correct. But the thing is that when I pick up with an individual I'm working with or for that matter, on the podcast or you pick up a level of passion, and then I'm looking for that turning point that was that discovery thing that they that revealed to them. Gee this is really something I love doing. And the coffee guy is one of those guys. You can tell but also the gentleman did the mixologist.

Kris Parsons16:51

Oh, yes, Carlos,

Bill Hughes16:52

you can tell just by the way, he shakes the glasses. I mean, it he's cutting the fruit or whatever he's doing. You can tell there's an art, there's an art form to it. And that art form is expressed in his passion that he puts into it.

Kris Parsons17:07

He's actually you should see him he's going crazy on internet. He's doing things with celebrities. He's really, he's really gone crazy. And he originally was going to come to our friends connection, our first one. 

Bill Hughes17:18

Now, who is the lady that did the chocolates that exploding chocolate Kelly,

Kris Parsons17:24

Kelly Lyon.

Bill Hughes17:24

I mean, who could you know, think of confections that would do that to somebody, but

Kris Parsons17:32

I'm a woman, it's chocolate.

Ray Loewe17:33

So let me ask a question to you is, you're a coach, you coach a lot of people and you help them get through this. So why is it that some people can make these transitions, and they in fact become lucky, when there's nothing necessarily extraordinary about them? Other than maybe they found that passion? Maybe they found that niche where they are. But why is it that some of these people are able to make these transitions and others are not

Bill Hughes18:04

They're desperate. They're desperate. The desperation of day-to-day, and maybe they'll come across something in their travels that will all of a sudden trigger a thought. And then they'll try it out. And then they'll say, Wow, I didn't even think about doing this. I mean, a lot of that is another gift to the last 18 months is the fact that people become had to become very introspective, and start to take a look at themselves and what's most important to them over that period of time, and consequentially. Now, there are certain things emerging in their consciousness that might not have otherwise, while we were sort of sleepwalking through life when everything was normal.

Kris Parsons18:41

Exactly. No, the busyness was kind of a deterrent for have you really sit back and say, What am I doing here? What, what is my reason? What is my purpose, and I don't think it's instantaneous, either. I actually think this stuff is germinating. And that's where I think you're really helpful in what you do. It's been germinating for a long time you ask the right questions, and you do you ask a lot of great questions of people, and you help them bring it to a head. So you kind of help bring out their transition which is nice.

Ray Loewe19:11

Well, you know, one of the reasons that we're doing these podcasts and we're trying to focus on these luckiest people in the world, is because there's too much time lost by people who just don't take action, who just sit there and ponder too long. And I don't know what it is. Sometimes it's a trigger, I found people who have lost their jobs sometimes benefit from that, yeah, as bad as that sound, because it forces them into action. And what we're trying to do with this thing is to put forth a series of people who've made it happen. And they're all different. So the idea is that if you're listening to them, maybe you can find one that resonates with you, maybe you can give yourself find a way to give yourself permission to say yes. And I think that's one of the biggest things that people don't do.

Bill Hughes19:11

That's the key to pretty much everything. I mean, Mary Lee Adams if I can ever get her on this call. She does a thing called the inquiry Institute. And she focuses principally on question thinking, and she was actually she wrote a book called The art of the question. And she's a psychotherapist, you know, that's kind of like their thing. But over the years, I've studied a lot of people that are extraordinarily good at what they do. And whether it's psychotherapy, whether it's medicine, whether it's working out whatever it is, usually starts out with a question in some fashion, and not just the question, but the answer and then the thread that you follow up on the question and you just keep going so you can't go anymore and sometimes it runs out and you go in a different direction you guys are going to questions? Well, I would suggest that anybody that listens to your podcast, in particular really needs to bring a notepad or something there with them. And I would focus on asking questions, I would, even if, obviously, it's a one-way conversation. But the point is, is that if they wrote down all the questions they had that came out of that, and then proceed to try to get those questions answered. And a lot of times, some of these guests that you have show up on the coffee hour. Yes, we've been trying to do that more and more. than that,  gives them the opportunity to say, you know, you said such and such on the call, how did you do that? Or what caused you to think that way? And then you get to hear directly from the horse's mouth, something that you have a question about. But I would suggest in any of these interactions that are done through the luckiest guy in the world, that you definitely have a notepad and write down the questions you have or the thoughts you have not just the questions, but the thoughts you have that pop up as a consequence of listening to the.

Ray Loewe21:54

Yeah, and we do have a transcription along with a podcast so that you can actually print it out and go back. Sure and go back. And, and I think you certainly don't want to do that on everyone, there's too many but on those that resonate with you, either because it's something that you always thought you like to do, or because it's a person who's in the same circumstances, as you and you see that they made those changes that transform them from an ordinary person to one of the luckiest people in the world. And I have to tell you, that of all these people that I've met the joy that these people have, once they make that decision to move and to say yes, and to allow themselves to do these things is absolutely incredible. Now, unfortunately, we're nearing the end of our time.

Kris Parsons22:42

See how exciting Bill is?  I think this is the fastest podcast we've had.

Ray Loewe22:46

Yeah. So, Kristine, you're for ladies are first, any final comments that you want to make?

Kris Parsons22:51

No other than I just want to encourage more people to come to our coffee and cocktails, because first of all, Bill will be there. And he will ask you some great questions. And yeah, I mean, it's working. Oh, and also I just wanted to give Bill a little bit of Congratulations, because Bill is going to follow me he's going to be the co-host for October or September, October sorry, October. That's right there's someone else coming in September. But Bill will be the co-host in October.

Ray Loewe23:19

We're giving a month of reprieve.

Kris Parsons23:22

You know, it's exciting too I've been talking to Bill virtually for a couple months now.

Ray Loewe23:27

And what Bill is going to do is he's bringing a series of guests on the show that kind of follow his track a little bit. That's one of the things that we hope to continue to do with Co-hosts is we're trying to get diversity in here. And we're trying to get other people's thinking in here and, and Kris, thanks differently than Bill.

Kris Parsons23:47

I do sometimes.

Ray Loewe23:50

And everybody thinks differently. I try not to think so anyway, Bill, any parting remarks that you want to make? 

Bill Hughes23:58

No just like I said, whenever you're listening to things like this, or reading books or whatever it is not just taking the notes, but an idea that pops in your head. It may be totally unrelated. Write it down. Write it down. Because how often have you had a dream at night? Didn't have the notepad by the table? woke up the next morning? can't recall the dream. It's gone. Yeah

Kris Parsons24:20

That's a good idea, a very good idea.

Ray Loewe24:23

All right. So everybody, join us next week, we're going to have another guest, another one of the luckiest people in the world who's going to show us in this case, her track on how she  navigated life and how she stays lucky and gets luckier and luckier.  It takes practice. Being lucky takes practice. Stay tuned, everybody and Tyler were ready to sign off, unfortunately.

Kris Parsons24:48

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a weekly podcast about people who are living their best life and how you can figure out how to do that too. Join us with your lively host of Ray Loewe, better known As the luckiest guy in the world.