Changing the Rules

www.passeroscoffee.com

Transcription

Diane Dayton  0:02  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  0:13  

Good morning, everybody. This is Changing the Rules. I'm your one of your co hosts, KC Dempster and Ray Loewe did make it in spite of what the traffic was trying to do to him this morning. And we like to bring you this podcast, because we believe that we're given rules from the day we're born. And most of the time when we're young, they're, they're well intended. They're meant to keep us safe. They're meant to teach us how to live in society successfully. But as we get older, sometimes they become more restrictive to what we want to do. And so we believe that there are a group of people in the world called the luckiest people in the world. And one of the things that makes them lucky is that they've learned to adjust the rules or change Change them to fit what they

Ray Loewe  1:02  

Or break them even.

KC Dempster  1:04  

That was Ray, and he's breaking the rules already.

So at any rate, we believe that we need to change the rules sometimes to fit what we need to do so that we can be successful. And every now and then I remind people, we're not talking about laws. We're talking about rules, which are there is a difference. And so I am now going to introduce you to Ray Loewe, the self proclaimed luckiest guy,

Ray Loewe  1:33  

right, you know, I hate that. So it's my turn now, right? Yes. Okay, so the luckiest people in the world are a group of people that I've been tracking for most of my adult life. Okay. And we're sitting here in a studio with a bunch of them today. So I'm kind of like, there's a glow that's emanating through the whole studio. But but the luckiest people in the world I decided were people that you know, always had this kind of aura about them, you know, they work like like dogs, and they're successful, but they seem to know how to play too. And they've got good balance in their life. And they have smiles on their face most of the time. And I decided a while ago that this was the kind of person that I wanted to hang out with.

And in fact, this was the kind of person I wanted to be. So I started looking at them and I'm a slow learner. It took me 45 years to get through this. But But I'm almost there now. And, and what I decided is that the luckiest people in the world are people who design their own lives. They personally are responsible for their own lives, and then they kind of step into it and they live them to the fullest. And that's the biggest thing that distinguishes them from everybody else. Now, we've got a guest this morning, and I'm going to throw in two rulesets two mindsets that I think he demonstrates over all the others. One of them is he certainly deals with rules. Well, and he deals with tradition. Well, and he deals with business interruptions. Well, I guess. And and the other thing that's really important is that  he gives back. And and these are two of the traits that I think luckiest people in the world exhibit. So we're going to take a very, very short break just to let everybody know what channel they're listening to over here, and then we're going to come back and introduce Jeff Lincoln.

Diane Dayton  3:28  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  3:37  

Welcome back, everybody. And we are just about to make an interesting introduction and to do that we have a guest introduction person, Kris Parsons, our PR expert and she would like to introduce you to our guest today.

Kris Parsons  3:51  

Sure. I love coming on the show. It's just fun. We are are all smiling. And it's and it's great. It's it's exciting and it is fun, and I actually I'm one of the luckiest people in the world I've been told so you have a mug mug. I have a mug to prove it. So I'm excited to introduce this. This new one. Jeff Lincoln, Jeff Lincoln, it actually began as a love story. Lincoln in 1988, Jeff Lincoln fell in love with Linda Passero. Now Linda Lincoln. And that's when he began writing his coffee shop business plan. And of course, we can guess what's the name of the coffee? Passero coffee? So, Jeff, I I'd like you to tell us a little bit about how your business started and, and your mission and how you went from a lovestruck business plan to a three major locations in the Greater Philadelphia area and what your life's like and your mission and what's going on with the changes going on now. Welcome.

Jeff Lincoln  4:50  

Well, it's great to be here guys. Thanks for inviting me. And so it's always fun to talk about. Not only my love story, but the business I grew up and was educated out in Northern California. And in fact was getting my masters of business out there when I met my wife, actually in a church she loves that story was actually at my brother's wedding in Haddonfield NJ. And we literally we walked up and down the island. I fit fell head over heels for telogen say that right now. That's very, very much fact.

KC Dempster  5:28  

That's probably the hope of every bridesmaid that she's going to meet her husband at that wedding.

Jeff Lincoln  5:33  

Yeah, again, love at first sight for me, certainly. And so I finished getting my degree and I wanted to start a business after I graduated and long story short, came up with a coffee that had started to percolate out in California, but when I came out to visit Philadelphia area, it had not taken hold yet. And so when I moved out, the summer of 1990 mediately again, I had my business plan which I had written in business school and started looking for a location. The first one was down in the Suburban train station in the middle of Philadelphia. And it was a success literally from day one, and grew the business. And, you know, it's it's been it's been a pleasure I, I kind of fell in love with this business. For many aspects. It's perfectly suited for me because I really enjoy people. And enjoy giving back to communities and putting smiles on people's faces. I hope you enjoy coffee, too. I am a coffee.

Ray Loewe  6:40  

So I have I have two real important questions. So who caught the garter and who caught the bouquet at this?

Jeff Lincoln  6:47  

Well, I don't think either of us did, actually. But again, it was it was pretty much written in stone from then on.

Ray Loewe  6:53  

So that gets rid of some myths, doesn't it?

Jeff Lincoln  6:55  

Yeah, right. Yeah.

Ray Loewe  6:57  

Okay, so So first of all, Jeff I think one of the things that you found recently is your hand you're in the midst of changing rules whether you like it or not. So one day we had coffee shops and one day we had people going into coffee shops to buy coffee and they were located in offices and stores in great locations and then the next day all of a sudden people weren't coming to their offices. Okay. So What went through your mind over here and and how did you figure you have to change in order to make things continue to work?

Jeff Lincoln  7:36  

Well, it's still a really an ongoing because we're obviously still in this and nobody knows when the the end of this is or what the end might even look like. So I'm taking this in and trying to roll with it as it comes because certainly when we were closed down, beginning of March, like everybody in the Center City Philadelphia, let alone the state at That point we kind of thought it was a two three week close. Here we are five months later and and still, I've got one of my shops reopened, but two are closed and I really do not know exactly when they'll reopen, I would say fall. But who knows? It really depends on what the city of Philadelphia and obviously flattening the curve here and just bringing down the numbers so people can return to their offices, at least in some numbers so we can reopen and serve our customers. Because if they're not there, it makes no sense to be open.

Ray Loewe  8:32  

Yeah, and but the the need for coffee and the desire for coffee hasn't changed. I mean, you look at the lines at these inferior places like DD and places like that, but but and they're booming. Okay, so coffee goes on and one of the things that what's happening with roasting your own coffee as part of your business plan now going forward and everything that happened

Jeff Lincoln  8:57  

well, without a doubt, we've been roasting You know, and we primarily do organic and Fairtrade coffees. And we've been doing that for many, many years. And so kind of our shift is certainly more people are at home working. So we've developed our online business for selling beans, we always had a web page. But that was really just, you know, web face as, we would call it. And now we've really in the last three months pushed to that side of our business and we're pushing to grow that we need to get more, you know, our product in front of more and more people in sell online so they can, you know, brew their own at home and enjoy Passero's You know, while they're working in their own, you know, back studios. The other side of it is the wholesale business. We've always had a few wholesale accounts being restaurants and other coffee shops in the Philadelphia area. And without a doubt over the last two months, I've been what I call planting seeds, because a lot of the retailers that I'm speaking with in restaurants that I'm speaking with, currently aren't open or they're only partially open and so they're kind of in the same boat but I'm Trying to really promote and build that wholesale business, which, you know, will be another leg to stand on from a business standpoint going forward

KC Dempster  10:08  

so quickly so that people can find you. What is your website address to purchase coffee?

Jeff Lincoln  10:14  

Passeroscoffee.com

Ray Loewe  10:16  

Oh, that's, that's original.

Jeff Lincoln  10:19  

We want to keep it simple guy.

Kris Parsons  10:20  

Gotta get the name out there all the time, Passeros.

Ray Loewe  10:22  

Okay, so I want to get into this giving back thing, but I want to hold that for a little bit because I want to talk about roasting coffee and I want to talk about the whole coffee experience here. You were on one of our coffee hours that we do on a Thursday and add you were a big hit by the way. Yes, people love that. Well, because, you know, basically Jeff came on and he showed us how he does coffee when he is on vacation. Because obviously when he's working, he has coffee done for him. Right. And I know I'm a fairly good sized coffee drinker, I probably drink six, seven cups a day I've had, I've had three already this morning.

Jeff Lincoln  11:05  

That's why I like you so much.

Ray Loewe  11:06  

And I don't know that I'm a gourmet, per se, although we did have an experience in Hawaii years ago where I roasted my own coffee and that was that was kind of an interesting experience in and of itself. But let's talk a little bit about this whole aura of coffee the way you should brew it. Maybe some tips about what not what to do what not to do. And then let's particularly talk about Black Dog blend just because

Kris Parsons  11:35  

he likes the name

Jeff Lincoln  11:37  

Well, you know, the idea is the bottom line to anything is enjoying it. And and so I'm I could easily be a coffee snob but I'm not I don't want anybody to come into any of our retail locations and feel put off because of the aura of if you don't know what you're doing here, you know, if you don't know what you want, you shouldn't be here. We're a welcoming shop, all of ours and I mean Customer service is really the key to our our success, love coffee, but reality is, I just want people to enjoy what they're doing. So if they're adding cream and sugar, knock yourself out if they want to put vanilla in or they want flavored coffee, great, my hope is that you taste what you're drinking. And when you are really thinking about what you're drinking, you're want a higher quality, a better tasting cup, you know, day in and day out and so you'll slowly and surely move towards a better roasted a more single origin, origin type of coffee from a specific country. And again, we are we focus on organic and Fairtrade because we think it's important for the local communities. So, my probably number one tip if you're making your coffee at home, go by a grinder. fresh ground coffee has so much more flavor left in the cup. versus if you pre grind it. Obviously if you use it in Immediately or even over the first week, that that's, that's fine. But if you're keeping that ground coffee for more than a week, you're losing flavor. Every time you smell the coffee in your kitchen, out of that bag, that's flavor that's disappearing. So I, you know, it's a little more of a hassle. But, again, take care of yourself, you're focusing on something very positive, it's a great way to start the day, or get on with the afternoon. And so, you know, we've all learned how to adjust a little bit and focus on ourselves maybe just a little more. And, and having a coffee routine in the morning, I think is a great way to, you know, take care of yourself and think about yourself and start the day off.

Ray Loewe  13:37  

Especially now. Coffee can put you in a great mood, you know, and, and there is nothing I can't define a satisfying cup of coffee, but I know when I have one. Yeah. And I remember back in the supermarket, the old A&P, I think was eight o'clock blend, something like that. And it was the grinding of the beans. That was the whole aura. Oh yeah. I was

KC Dempster  13:59  

I would Have to help my mom unpack the groceries and I would take that I wanted to be the one with the coffee and I would just be going inhaling it. And one of the things that came out on our coffee call that surprised some people is that you should not keep your coffee in the refrigerator.

Jeff Lincoln  14:16  

Right? Yeah, that's kind of a misnomer. A lot of people say you know, freezer refrigerator. Basically, it should be an airtight container. And so again, you're trying to trap or keep those flavors in the in the beans themselves. Basically, if you were packing something for months on a time, you can put it in the fridge or freezer but taking it in and out of the refrigerator, adds moisture, and that's not a good thing for freshness.

Ray Loewe  14:42  

Okay, so once you grind it, okay, and you have any recommendations on grinders in terms of

Jeff Lincoln  14:48  

Well, there's two basic ones one's called a brewer and that's a higher end a little more expensive and that's more of a consistent there's also the the blade which is a less expensive type of grinder so you got to figure that out. Even the blade one is a huge step in the right direction towards a fresher cup of coffee a coffee that's got more right you know you don't you don't have to have all the high end equipment you know the idea is you take baby steps and and as you get more addicted to this then you can you know it's a yellow brick road I call it you can really go down the rabbit hole and get really crazy on it. And I think that's great, but for most of us, you don't have the time you know, you know, just just focus on trying to consistently make a coffee that you enjoy,

Ray Loewe  15:34  

What is the type of Brewer of choice?

Jeff Lincoln  15:37  

Again, most people do what's kind of like a rendition on a Mr. Coffee. It's it's got a paper filter, and those are fine and a lot of people ask, Well, how much you know how much coffee you're doing to water. My recommendation for everybody because everybody's got a different palate, right? Everybody's got a different you know what they really like so, you know, write down how much you're using. taste your coffee that morning or that day. Go, that was good, but I would like a little more I'd like a little less and then adjust it and then come up with how many you know how much beans you're using for your Brewer. And then and then it's locked in once you once you hit it but just kind of keep track of what you're you're tasting and then adjust the amount of beans either plus or minus. And then you've got your own formula. So for me to tell you and and you know, the recommendation to me, just just trial and error and taste, taste taste.

Ray Loewe  16:28  

Yeah. Now the whole aura of coffee drinking I remember when Starbucks kind of came into the forefront over here, and all of a sudden you went from $1 cup of coffee at the diner to a $5 cup of coffee, and we loved paying for it. Okay, so so i think i think your whole point is if we can't get to the coffee shop today, okay. Then turn the coffee into an experience and get out the grinder and get out the beans and let's talk about beans for a minute, Because I pulled this off your website and and we had things like organic black gold blend and then we have Sulawesi and and we have 10s Tanzanian and Sumatran you know how do you decide where you're going to get your coffee or do you get what's on sale?

Jeff Lincoln  17:21  

No, no. Again our focus is to try online on our website we have at least 15 different coffees and most of them are single origin from a specific farm at a you know, from a specific country. And my hope and Frank who's our roaster who's just amazing. His objective is to try to get a different flavor profile so that you know Sulawesi which is an Indonesian coffee has a wonderful chocolatey smoothness to it, the the Tanzania and again, two of my favorite coffees you pick there, that one's got more of a plum fruity finish to it. So each coffee and we have descriptions of course have different flavor profiles and the ideas you can you know, test around taste different ones and go boy, this is the one I like. And so you can then kind of concentrate on coffees that are similar like that.

Ray Loewe  18:12  

Cool. Well, unfortunately we're getting near the end of our time already Time flies when we're having fun and, and we're going to skip our break. Okay, I'm because I want to talk a little bit about your corporate philosophy of getting giving back. Because I think it's one of the traits of the luckiest people in the world. They, they, they get into the community that they serve. So tell us a little bit about what you do.

Jeff Lincoln  18:36  

Well, growing up in California, I remember a professor of mine saying you know, if you're making money from a community, you should be giving back and that just stuck with me so literally from day one at Passeros and it was pretty easy day one because we don't make any money. To say that we you know, Passeros for these 30 plus years now has given percent of our profits to nonprofit organizations in the community as well as national ones. And it's a great thrilled. Anytime someone comes up and goes, Hey, I'm doing the AIDS Walk, will you sponsor me? Hey, you know, our churches doing a fundraiser? And can you donate a coffee basket? Or we're doing a you know, whatever it happens to be? Yes, yes, yes. Is the answer from us because this is part of what we do it not only you know, some of my staff members are part of different great nonprofit organization, we support them through that. And at the end of the year, there's money leftover, we write a check and send it off to girls and boys club to national defense. You know, there's a lot of organizations we love and it's just again, what goes around comes around, you want to support people who are less fortunate.

Ray Loewe  19:49  

Okay, so Jeff Lincoln, Passeros Coffee. Thank you for being with us. And obviously, I think our listeners can see right away that Jeff is one of the luckiest people in the world. Well, you know, you He does everything he changes the rules to he deals with the rules. He figures out what his plan is going to be, and he's going to make it happen. And then the giving back part is a really important part too. And, Casey, why don't you take a minute and sum up and

KC Dempster  20:16  

well, I just want to remind everybody that they can learn more about the luckiest people in the world by going to our website, which, surprisingly, is called theluckiestpeopleintheworld.com. And you can put the www in the front if you want to, but I don't think you have to. And this is changing the rules. And we've got lots of information available for everybody on how they can become one of the luckiest people in the world as well. So tune in next week, when we have another exciting guests and take care of take care and wash your hands and wear your mask.

Ray Loewe  20:51  

Yeah, everybody have a great week. Take care.

Diane Dayton  20:53  

Thank you for listening to Changing the Rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want. give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topics on Changing the Rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

Diane Dayton  0:01  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  0:13  

Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Changing the Rules. This is KC Dempster and I am podcasting from home today because we're in the middle of tropical storm Isaias. And so the only one who actually made it to the studio is our wonderful engineer Taylor. But  let's let's get back right into the thick of things. We call our show changing the rules because we believe that it is an important thing for people to understand and appreciate. And the bottom line is when we're born, we have people that start imposing rules on us from the very beginning. It's our parents, teachers, churches, society, and and that's fine because they're usually trying to keep us safe. To help us to learn how to live in society successfully. But as we get older, oftentimes these rules start to become restrictive. And they keep us from doing the things that we want and need to do in order to be successful in life. So we've discovered that the luckiest people in the world recognize that fact. And they start to change the rules, to modify them or to make totally new rules for themselves in order to be successful. And that's what this podcast is all about. We'd like to introduce you to people who are rule changers. Good morning, Ray. Are you staying dry?

Ray Loewe  1:35  

I'm dry, I'm safe and sound in my home and and it's pouring rain outside. It looks like the world is flooding. And we have a special guest later and it's very appropriate because while the world is flooding, we have Noah on the phone. Now Noah,  it just say hello from that. Okay, we're going to come back again and say hello. Okay, so Let's, let's talk a little bit about these luckiest people in the world. This is a group of people that I've been following now for 45-50 years, most of my adult life. And and the reason is because they're absolutely fascinating. They're fun to be with. They're the people that walk around with a halo around their head, and they're always happy. And they always seem to be excited about life. And I decided long ago that these were the people that I wanted to hang out with. And in fact, this was the kind of person that I wanted to be. And one of the things that we found out is that these people do several things. Number one, they design their own lives. They don't put up with the rules, they don't put up with the lives of others, they they step in and do it their way from the beginning. And there are a series of mindsets that they had that set them apart and we're going to explore three of them this morning. Okay, that our guests, particularly exhibit number one is changing the rules, our guest, very early in life learned that he's not going to let the rules restrict him and that he's not going to be bound by tradition. The second thing is that he knows what he wants. And you're going to see that in a minute when we bring him online. And the third thing that's going to happen is he follows very much what fascinates and motivates them. He doesn't get bogged down in things that he's not happy with. And he doesn't want to do and you're going to see this right away I am. We're going to take a short break. And we're going to come back with Kristine Parsons, who is in our non studio today, right? She's Skyping in, too. And she's actually going to introduce Noah. So Taylor, quick break.

Diane Dayton  3:52  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information

Ray Loewe  4:05  

so I love the short breaks, okay? Okay and and you wonder why they have them but but they're so that you know that you're listening to us. So you're right there right channel. So let me reintroduce Kris Parsons. Kris is our PR person. She does a whole lot of stuff for us in the background and she actually introduced us to Noah Preihs. So Kris introduced Noah for us

Kris Parsons  4:31  

Yes, I'm just honored to introduce him because I've known him since a little boy. Noah is the family friend of ours, he and my sons are cross country runners, they've been in high school together, and one of my sons went to college with him. Noah is a 2021 graduate of the College of New Jersey, up north a little bit  in New Jersey. And actually, he's a graduate this year, but he only went three years. So he's already advanced there. He was on the dean's list, a business management major. And at the ripe old age of 15 years old, which was six years ago. That's when he started his business that we're going to be talking about today. His business is Noah's Everything Shop, where he buys and sells all sorts of items. And he'll tell you a lot of details about that.

But he started this at age 15. And now at 21. He's serving the tri state area, he's selling everything and anything to clients who wants to downsize, they're moving or they're just looking to find some extra cash for some of the things that they have around the house. It's now grown to a $200,000 a year business with sales of over 7000 items. He also handles the shipping all over the world. So I would say no is probably one of the luckiest people in the world though. So then KC and Ray, Oh, there's no there's there's no question here. So let's talk about changing the rules first because Most people when they get out of college, they go and get a job.

Ray Loewe  6:06  

Okay, I don't think Noah did that. So Noah started his own business. He didn't follow the traditional plan. And tell us what motivated that Noah I you know, it's about time we let you talk I think

Noah Preihs  6:20  

I appreciate. Yeah, so it really started out like Kris said, when I was 14, I was just I've always had that entrepreneurial spirit. So I was just looking around the house for stuff to sell and I found some old sneakers in my closet that I ended up selling on eBay. And the first sale is probably the best feeling ever. I just so like fulfilling you know, being able to find something that I wasn't using, and then selling it for money to someone who you know, actually wanted it. So started from there and it really just branched out by me selling everything around the house for my parents, and then quickly branch out to family and friends. Because I realized that you know, if my parents had stuff to sell then my neighbor probably has something to sell. And any family friends have something that can be listed on eBay. So that's really how I branched out and started that small idea and seeing that it worked. And this now, from there.

Ray Loewe  7:16  

So, KC, have you ever sold anything on eBay?

KC Dempster  7:19  

No, I haven't. Because I'm basically a princess. I would love to have that I don't want to do the work.

Ray Loewe  7:29  

You know, I wouldn't even know where to begin. And and I think the role and I think this is what happens to a lot of people, you know, everybody's kind of enamored with this internet and internet sales and all of that stuff, but but how do they begin and what do you bring to the table? Now? What What do you do for people like me that don't know what to do?

Noah Preihs  7:48  

Yeah, and that's one of the things that I try to educate people on. I mean, I always tell people that you know, I can help you sell on your own if you really want to, and then if you don't have any luck, you can always you know, come to me down. Later on the line. But yeah, that's the big thing. Anyone could sell on eBay but I but really with my service, there's an expertise of how to list things, what to list them at, and professionalism. You know, how I take care of customer service and how I ship every day. So that's really the big thing. And you know, when someone gives me something that it's gonna get sold, and you know, you're gonna get a fair price for it based off the research that I do. So that's really the big thing. It's not, you know, super complicated business plan or, you know, you know how to list things, but it's effective and people enjoy it because once something's out of their hands, they no longer have to worry about it. They just get a check every month for what is sold.

KC Dempster  8:43  

I sound sounds like you're who I've been looking for.

Noah Preihs  8:47  

Yeah, I get that a lot.

Ray Loewe  8:49  

Yeah, so he gets rid of stuff that I get rid of clutter out of my house and I get a check. That's all I have to worry about. So what are some of the most Interesting things that you actually sold.

Noah Preihs  9:03  

Yeah. So I've had, obviously a wide range of things that have been a little quirky or weird in general that I've sold. But definitely the one that takes the cake is I did a consignment pickup in North Jersey. And a gentleman had old bottles, which I thought were maybe soda bottles or medicine bottles, which I knew there was a market for. But he revealed to me that they were actually bottles for embalming. So he had a collection of these things. And I would have never guessed that they would have went for money. But apparently, there's a huge market for it. And I was able to sell for him. So it just goes to show that everybody has something to sell. And there's literally a market for anything. Because there's always somebody interested in what you may no longer have an interest in.

Ray Loewe  9:49  

Yeah, I never would have thought of putting a pair of used sneakers online. I never in a million years and yet, stuff like that happens all the time, doesn't it?

Noah Preigh

Yeah, it does. More than people think.

Kris Parsons  10:02  

Celebrity Well, excuse me wasn't a celebrity who started a business selling sneakers? Wasn't that

Noah Preihs  10:08  

Yeah, there's there's a couple people on and that's actually how I really got started was it started out with us sneakers, but then I you know branch out to higher end sneakers and that was really like my first experience in you know, reselling. And I kind of took my, a lot of what I learned from that and brought it to my consignment business, which is obviously my full time hustle. Now.

Ray Loewe  10:31  

Let's, let's talk a little bit about what you do for people. I mean, here, here we are a I'm definitely a novice at this. But and one of the things I'm going to be doing sooner than later is moving again, and when I move I'm going to have to downsize quite a bit. And so I'm going to have stuff right? stuff.

Yeah. And, you know, you can throw it away or you can call Noah right? And so what are the things that you bring? You can tell me what's worth putting up? What's not worth putting up? How to do this? You know? Go ahead, tell me Give me some insight.

Noah Preihs  11:12  

Yeah. And that's one of the big things is educating people on you know what actually sells. So that's why when I have a client that tells me they want to, you know, they're moving or they want to just downsize in general. I tell them don't throw anything out. Like let me look through everything and I'll tell you exactly when I know I could get money for and what you know, might also have value that I can take.

But you know, it's a shame because a lot of people especially right now, during the total lockdown and COVID era, people were going through their garages, basements, you know, really any room in their house and they were throwing out a lot of things before you know, even considering that there may be a value for it. So that's my big thing is just educating people to you know, really, you know, thanks for throwing something out like hey, maybe there is a market for it on eBay or at least You know, giving me a call and you know, see what I think about it.

Ray Loewe  12:03  

And you know, you know what to throw out and what to say, hey, maybe it's gonna shell. Okay? Tell me. Let's tell everybody how to get in touch with you again so we don't forget about that. And then I want to come back and I want to probe a little bit into your mindset about why you got into a business like this. But how do we contact you first of all,

Noah Preihs  12:27  

so I'm on basically all social media platforms, Noah's Everything Shop on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and then My website is ebay.com/Noahseverythingshop and that'll take you right to the eBay store where you can search all the products that I have through the different categories. And you can also reach out to me that way as well.

Ray Loewe  12:47  

Okay, so we can post that on our on our notes section on our podcast, right. Okay. All right. Now, let's figure out what motivated you because This one will you really get into why you are one of the luckiest people in the world? So I have a note here that said that you help individuals and families who are not able to sell things on their own, or could use extra money to make ends meet. What a great goal. Okay, yeah, well,

Noah Preihs  13:19  

it's really the most redeeming aspect of the business is just knowing that I'm helping out people that would have no you know, capability of selling us on due to, you know, other jobs or, you know, just other things that they want to pursue. And it's seamless. I mean, the big thing is, once it's out of the person's hands, it's no more work on their part. And I take care of the rest. So it really is, you know, rewarding knowing that I'm helping people out who could use the extra money or, you know, just want to declutter, and a lot of times, people that, you know, want to get rid of all this stuff, and declutter their house. It's just, like mentally clearing that, you know, it's, it's a lot less stress than, you know, knowing that it's not around and I'm actually you know, storing it and then shipping it when it sells and then they get a check in the mail every month. So I mean, that's really the big thing is that people really enjoy that they don't have any work on their part. And you know, I'm, I bring a sense of professionalism that can help people sell their items.

Ray Loewe  14:16  

And then this came this all stemmed from selling a pair of old sneakers that you didn't, what what would, you know, what did you just wake up one morning and say, I'm going to go to my closet and see if I got an old pair of sneakers to sell, you know, how did how did this come up?

Noah Preihs  14:33  

And literally, that's what happened. I mean, throughout my childhood, I was always, you know, mowing lawns, or doing even younger doing lemonade stands and stuff. So I was always just, you know, looking for an edge, you know, besides just having a, you know, regular job. So that's really what it came down to. I heard from my friend that he was or someone that was actually older than me at the time that they were selling on eBay, because you know, technically you're not even selling eBay when you're that young. That was a double life that I was living

Kris Parsons  15:08  

changing the rules, yeah,

Noah Preihs  15:09  

it's not like I had, you know, collectibles to my name at that age. So it was really just a limited selection of what I could sell. And I saw some old sneakers that, you know, I knew were worth a little more when I bought them, but I saved up all my money to buy them. So I figured, you know, why not sell them and they were in decent condition, then they definitely get some value on eBay. And I was so excited when they finally sold because it was it was silver leaving knowing that, you know, I had so much more stuff like that, that, you know, may not go for a lot of money, but you know, it makes a difference when boy 14 or 15.

Ray Loewe  15:43  

So you fed off of this right? You had a success. And then and then what happened? You went back into the closet to find more stuff to sell, right?

Noah Preihs  15:52  

Yeah, exactly. And so Wednesday, my mom's closet eventually the basement so

Ray Loewe  15:58  

so did you ever sell anything of your moms and dads that they weren't ready to show you that?

Noah Preihs  16:03  

I'm not actually I would say with my dad, there was a couple of things that he was like, he was like, Oh, he only got 40 bucks. And, you know, that's a lot of times one of the problems that I deal with is just you know, people have this idea that things are worth You know, a lot more than it's actually worth.

So, a lot of it is educating people beforehand, just so you know, make sure things that are, you know, 100% clear, you know, how much they can expect to get for it. But yeah, like, he was like, all that was my prized possession.

Ray Loewe  16:32  

And, and, and, okay, so you did this all through high school, and then all of a sudden, when college was done, did you ever really consider getting another job?

Noah Preihs  16:43  

I mean, I wouldn't say that I never considered it. But I just know that I believe in what I sell in and I'm extremely confident that you know, I can help every single person because everyone has something to sell. So that was really my approach that I was gonna, you know, really go after after college and you know, try and help as many people as possible.

Ray Loewe  17:06  

Okay, well, unfortunately, we're near the end of our time here. But But Noah, I think you're an inspiration. I think what I've seen here is that you've been able to take something that you got excited about, that you're passionate about. And you've been able to create your own business here, a niche where you can support yourself where you're working with things that you love to do. And this is what the luckiest people in the world all hope to do. And I think as our listeners, take a look at what Noah has been able to do here and how he's been able to build a business for himself, at only 21-22 years old, and I think you got a career I can't ever see you working for anybody else at this point in time. Any Any closing remark you want to make we only have a minute

Noah Preihs  18:00  

Yeah, I just want to encourage other people, you know, that are, you know, in college or, you know, just graduated high school that, you know, it is possible to run your own business if you're, you know, super passionate about it and you know, you have, you know, clear insight into what you want to do. I would say go for it. I mean, especially at a young age, you know, you shouldn't take risks. So I would encourage everybody to, you know, try something that they're, you know, passionate and see if they can, you know, turn it into a business somehow.

Ray Loewe  18:29  

Cool. Okay, I think we're near the end of our time. Let's do a quick break Taylor, and then we'll come back and close us up.

Diane Dayton  18:39  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  18:50  

Welcome back, everybody. I'm just so fascinated by by what Noah had to say. And I've been I apologize for not listening closely. Because I've been mentally going through my head and making a list. But anyway, you know, getting back to the luckiest people in the world, it's it's not a one time decision to be lucky, you have to make it a lifetime commitment. And you have to make your choices constantly to take you down the path where you maybe you have to change rules, or maybe even change something even bigger. But we have several ways that we can help you be lucky and stay lucky. And one of them is our new website, www,theluckiestpeopleintheworld.com. And on that we have, you know, links to the podcasts. We have books that Ray and I have put written together, we have some courses that might be able to help you if that's where you want to go. So visit our website and we always want you to listen to the podcasts because we have so much fun doing them.

Ray Loewe  19:56  

Yeah, and on our website, we're gonna have a link to Our virtual conferences coming up in September. And this is a chance to meet people like Noah. We've got an exciting presentation and hopefully Noah is going to be there too. And maybe we'll even condiment into running one of our breakout sessions like that. Okay, but Okay, so we'll see everybody next week and have a great rainy day.

Diane Dayton  20:28  

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topics on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

Transcript:

Diane Dayton  0:03  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  0:13  

Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Changing the Rules. I'm KC Dempster. And I'm here with Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. Okay, and, and I just wanted to just set up what we do on our podcast, we talk about rules and throughout our lives we are we are given rules we're given them as our, from our parents, when we're children, from schools, from the community, from churches, as we get older from employers, and most of the times these rules are intended to be helpful, to protect us to maybe mold us so that we can live in society successfully. But oftentimes as we get older and take more control of our our lives, and what we want to do, The rules start to become restrictive. And what the luckiest people in the world do is that they recognize that these rules are keeping them from doing what they want to do. So they start to either change the rules, drop the rules, they move on, they make their own rules. And once they've done that, they're free to be themselves.

Ray Loewe  1:21  

Yes, they are. And there are way too many rules. We're going to break a whole lot today. And we have a guest with us that is an expert at breaking rules and making rules. So this whole concept of changing rules is based on something I've been doing for the last 45-50 years, almost all my adult life and that is tracking a group of people that I call the luckiest people in the world. All right. These are people that we see every day, you know, they're out there, they're they're kind of like, everything goes right for them. They Have this or have success about them. And yet as hard as they work, they managed to play hard also. And they're doing exciting and interesting things. And they seem to always be in a positive mood and always moving forward. And I decided years ago that this was a group of people that I wanted to hang out with. All right, and and then as time went on, I decided, Well, you know, if I'm going to hang out with these people, I better be like this. And one of the things that these people do that is the basis of everything, is they personally design their own lives, and then they step into their lives and they live them to the fullest. So they break rules, and that's one of the biggest mindsets that that almost every one of them goes through. They look at this concept of a rule and they say, you know, I can't be me if I'm living by somebody else's rules, right? And it's okay to adopt other people's rules and make thm ours. We've been going through that lately. We We have this pandemic. And we have a social distancing rule and a mask rule. And I think those rules are great. I mean, they're part of my life. Now. They're my rules, right? Okay. But they're also cause us to do certain kinds of things. And when we hit those barriers, and we can't do what we want to do, then we have to make some changes. So our guest today follows on one of the rules that we haven't spent a lot of time with yet. She definitely has a mission. Okay. And what she says she does is she helps people get to the finish line. So I'm going to take a break and when we come back, we'll we will introduce Judy, and we'll have a whirlwind conversation of wisdom and energy and whatever else. Oh, good. All right, Taylor.

Diane Dayton  3:51  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  4:01  

All right, we're very we be back. All right. So Judy told me right away that she qualifies for being one of the luckiest people in the world. Because her husband cooks and cooks well so so Judy Dang say Say hi to everybody from San Francisco.

Judy Dang  4:25  

Hello Judy here from San Francisco. foggy cold right now.

KC Dempster  4:30  

Oh, and we are blistering hot here in New Jersey, but that's okay.

Ray Loewe  4:34  

So let me let me hit a couple people with some pieces of your bio here to kind of get this conversation started so, so Judy Dang helps entrepreneurs turn their business plans into action. And she breaks down large fuzzy projects into snackable easy bites.

KC Dempster  4:54  

I don't know. I'm sensing a theme here. You're gonna make me hungry.

Ray Loewe  4:57  

I have this visualization right now. So, so talk to us a little bit about how you got into this business, and a little bit more about what you do. And then I got a whole bunch of very specific questions for you.

Judy Dang  5:10  

All right. How I got into the business was about 12 years ago, I was working at a big university, and I had a major depressive episode that prompted me to take a break. I was in the wrong job. I had taken a job and after a month, it was the wrong job for me, but I was like, Gumby. I grew up with the teaching that I should work hard. contort myself to the situation. If the situation isn't working, there's something I need to do there's something wrong and I need to fix it. So I spent 18 months a very depressed Gumby.

Ray Loewe  5:55  

taught talk to us about Gumby here. I have this visualization over here of this stretchy, and that's what you were doing wasn't it? You were you're stretching to meet what you thought everybody else wanted.

Judy Dang  6:08  

Exactly outside expectations. Nevermind what my internal compass was saying, which is wrong job wrong people wrong job wrong people it said that every single day, but I ignored it. And I contorted myself to kind of work and it was miserable.

Ray Loewe  6:26  

So this sounds like 90% of the people of the world, right?  I mean, you think about it, one of the things that we've noticed is that there are some people that absolutely love their job, you know, and they're in the right place. And you know, that's wonderful. And there are other people who very definitely know they're in the wrong job. Okay. And usually they will make a change. And then there's like a whole bunch of people in limbo that is kind of where you were, wasn't it?

Judy Dang  6:57  

It's okay. I've discovered through That situation, it's okay to know that you were in the wrong job. Just don't make it about yourself. Like, you know, I made about me like it was a judgment about my self. And that was what held me back. Like, of course we're, we're probably gonna have lots of Oh, I took the wrong detour, oh, this was a dead end but not to make a judgement about our, our self worth, because of those choices.

KC Dempster  7:30  

That's that's really a good point because what happens to a lot of young people who start a career is that they start taking on responsibilities, they buy a house or they get married and have a family and they feel trapped. And they feel like they can't change, you know, change jobs that they can't afford to do that but but as long as they're not making negative statements about themselves, to themselves. It doesn't necessarily have to be a terrible thing.

Judy Dang  8:05  

Right? If you're living with intention saying I have a family, I chose to have a family I chose to buy this house. I'm going to be responsible and do what it takes to take care of my family. And being intentional about making those choices. Yes, absolutely.

Ray Loewe  8:19  

For sure. So how do you make this shift?

Judy Dang  8:24  

Change the rules? changing the rules!

Ray Loewe  8:26  

This is where the five P's come in?

Judy Dang  8:29  

This is the five P's where I've learned about and this is the some of these P's I've reversed myself during the pandemic, okay, the first p five pays to enjoy business and life. That's why I call them P. First p positivity. There are a lot of stories in our heads, and we tend to think negative. What are they gonna think there's a disaster. We're gonna die tomorrow, you know, very doom and gloom. So Every day I train myself, because life has always provided for me. Even in the dark times I remind myself, things have always worked out for me. You know, I've never been homeless. Things have usually worked out. Because I'm here. Right? Yeah. And it's not about avoiding or eliminating the tough times, but moving through them.

Ray Loewe  9:26  

Okay, you you I picked this up from an earlier conversation. So I'm cheating. But you had a mindset here. And that mindset is the world is a friendly place.

Judy Dang  9:38  

Yes, the world conspires to help us to support us and to see us thrive. That is my belief and it is evident everywhere, like our conversation or meeting. I did not set out to say, you know, on July 1, I'm going to meet this guy named Ray. No, but it happened. It is The world conspired for you to come into my life for a purpose.

Ray Loewe  10:05  

To this is why I'm the one of the luckiest people in the world because I get to talk to people like you every day. You know, and and I get to do a formal presentation like this a couple times a week, you know, how can I not be lucky? All right. And and when you when you talk to somebody like you and you talk and you come out with the world as a friendly place. Oh, wow. Okay, because a lot of times, I don't think that but but it is, it really is a friendly place when you think of it the right way,

Judy Dang  10:37  

Yeah, for sure. Okay, the next piece number two be number two plans, plans. Now during the pandemic. A lot of plans have been thrown up in the air. So I'm reversing myself with I usually help clients with you want to get to this destination. All right, this is how you get there. ABC. Sometimes we go on detours. Yes, so During the pandemic, I'm assisting clients with creating flexible plans. Yeah, have plants sure have routines, you know, get up at the same time every day I go to bed. I have an alarm on my phone that says 9:30 and get ready for bed. Because I need that for myself. But it's flexible, depending on what I'm doing. So yes, have plans be flexible leave room for serendipity. leave room for serendipity and detours. Okay, okay, number two, have loose plans. Ready for number three? Yep. Okay, pals, p pals. Oh my gosh, humans are social creatures, right? We need each other to thrive. We need each other to grow. I have an accountability group that I started because of the pandemic. We get together in the morning 25 minutes every day, Monday through Friday and has been going on since March. It's incredible. These pals a reality check for me. Where Reality Check for each other. We don't buy into each other's BS. We remind each other. Hey, you said you wanted to digita yesterday, how'd it go? And a lot of times I live in my head with those inner Gremlins, you know, perfectionism, that's my deepest darkest Gremlin and these pals of mine. Give me a reality check for that Gremlin. If I tell them you know, I'm working on this blog and you know, I'm gonna spend two hours on it. They'll say what two hours does it really need two hours? NO! and they also helped me with the negativity in my head about not good enough imposter syndrome. Because they tell me as a from a friend perspective, with my best friends say they would say all those things. To me not stuck in my head. So that's the third. P is pals have a group of trusted, trusted friends but you business I usually have a great rapport my business friends. Very special group of people on a regular basis and I have a friend I talk to every week, half an hour Allison Chicago. She's my accountability, buddy.

Ray Loewe  13:27  

Okay, so shall we have more P's though, right?

Judy Dang  13:30  

P's number four. Number four is persistence. So the first one is positively to is plans for three is pals. And the fourth is persistence to show up and show up again. Just keep on showing up because we don't wait until we're hungry to plant a garden right? We planted before we are hungry and then the persistence is keep watering on a regular basis.

Ray Loewe  14:00  

Well, if you have a plan, you do that, right? If you don't have a plan, maybe you don't do that. But you"re right...

Judy Dang  14:09  

loose plans like, okay, I want to plant a garden before I'm hungry. I'm going to start seeding the ground. And then the persistence. The fourth P is regular care and feeding of yourself, your network, your peers, your family, to showing up showing up again to wait on the sidelines for you know, someday

Ray Loewe  14:35  

your pals help that.

Judy Dang  14:39  

Yes, they remind me Oh, like yes, they do remind me and they, they're great encouragement. Really good encouragement. I'm an introvert. So I do a lot of things on my own and they helped me to blossom, really bring what's Inside Outside

Ray Loewe  15:02  

Okay, let's get to this fifth p here.

Judy Dang  15:06  

Yes it is patience . Oh gosh gosh patience for me in my business is hard because you know how there's that saying about there's like you need like nine touches to see to secure a client or someone that nine or 15 or whatever that's where patience comes in here you know is hard for me like what? you know what my genius I have all these things to offer you! know are no things are not right now you know I used to feel really devastated. but now the patience is to accept that no doesn't mean no forever. Just know right now.

Ray Loewe  15:57  

You know there are when We were talking about this earlier, you brought up the Four Seasons when you're talking about patience. And you are the master of analogies. I mean, I'm looking at Gumby right now I'm wiggling around over here. I'm thinking about your pals. I can see all of them gathered around you, you know, supporting you and doing this thing, and

Judy Dang  16:22  

the garden

Ray Loewe  16:23  

and the garden and talk to us about the Four Seasons, but in your patience, because not everything happens the way you want it to happen, does it?

Judy Dang  16:32  

Right, right. And the four seasons. Oftentimes, we think of winter as a dead time, nothing's happening. Sometimes in our lives. We're in different seasons of our lives and wintertime is actually a growth season. We just don't see it. Because they're the leaves aren't on the branches. Just because there are no leaves doesn't mean the tree is dead. There's a tremendous work happening underneath the surface that we don't see. And with ourselves, it's the same. Maybe during this pandemic, it's time to do a pause to enter a small winter period of Hmm, what is my life about, am I happy my job? Just taking an assessment. So wintertime doesn't mean that there's nothing going on. It's just it's going on underneath. Others can't see but there's tremendous growth. And in other seasons, then we can take advantage of springtime and summertime and fall reaping the harvest of the inner work.

Ray Loewe  17:41  

Okay, we're almost done with time, unfortunately. But I do have one other thing. Oh, and you were talking about the way you help people here deals with an inside system in and outside system. And I think it's important for people to realize that there are these two things going on. So can you talk a little bit about that?

Judy Dang  18:00  

Yeah, sure. So oftentimes people come to me with symptoms. I'm overwhelmed. I don't have I wish I had more time for my business where I work. And we usually uncover something internal happens for them first we work on that inner stuff first before we work on the tools and techniques and you know, time blocking and all that other stuff that you see online so much, you know, five tips to you know, have more hours in your day that comes after that comes after. Usually we work on the inner stuff. First of all, do I value my time? Why am I saying yes to sell anything? So we start with the inner work first.

Ray Loewe  18:42  

Okay, so so let me kind of recap because I got a whole lot of really interesting stuff about this Gumby. Okay, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna think about Gumby now forever and ever and ever, but, but you know, when we started this conversation, you're talking about you and being stuck in a job that You never should have been stuck in and yet you have commitments in life. So there was nothing wrong with being stuck there. It's just that over time you needed to make changes so you could get on with your life. I think that's a real important message for our listeners, because lots of people find themselves in that. I think I love this inside and outside bit, okay, because we all need systems and things to support us. But there's also an inside thing, you know, getting our self confidence up. You can't do anything if you're not self confident, And if you're self confident, you can do anything, can't you, Judy?

Judy Dang  19:37  

Well, can you back up on that stuck thing for a moment for your listeners? feeling stuck, Yeah, it's debilitating when we feel stuck because we feel like we're out of control. We don't have control over our lives. And so I'd like to encourage folks to release that story about I'm stuck in this Job and say, change it, reframe it to, I'm choosing this job for the next month or the next three months or whatever, I'm going to choose to stay in this job. And then I'm going to make a move instead of, I'm stuck in this job. So take some, you know, a little bit of control back from, you know, that stuckness and say, No, I'm not stuck. I'm choosing this job for, you know, the foreseeable future or whatever timeframe, and then I'm going to make a shift.

Ray Loewe  20:34  

Okay, I think we want to end on that word of wisdom, because Boy, that is so true of so many people. And I think that that will help people change their lives. So Judy, thank you so much for being with us. You definitely are one of the luckiest people in the world. Even if you weren't married to this guy who cooks I still think you'd be there and we will have you back sometime or We're going to have you on one of our coffee cocktail hour so that our listeners can spend a little bit more time with you. But again, thanks for your words of wisdom and Taylor. Let's kind of move towards finishing up.

Diane Dayton  21:13  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  21:23  

Welcome back, everybody. That was really a great conversation and the positivity is contagious. And I think that, you know, we need to seek positivity out sometimes.

Ray Loewe  21:35  

Absolutely. And positivity is we're going to be back next week with another guest.

KC Dempster  21:43  

That's correct. And I just want to remind everybody, that it's not enough to choose to make a one time commitment to being lucky. It's an ongoing process. You have to keep working at it and re examining yourself and doing that inside work. as Judy called it and, and, you know, look, look for things that can help you and support you. And I think the pals is a great idea too. So, we'll be back next week. And join us again for some great wisdom. See you then.

Diane Dayton  22:18  

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topic on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

Transcript

Diane Dayton  0:01  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the Luckiest Guy in the World.

Ray Loewe  0:14  

Good morning, everybody. This is Ray Loewe, your host of Changing the Rules. And you're going to notice this morning that KC Dempster is considered conspicuously, I didn't get that word, right. But whatever it is, she's missing. Okay, and she's caught in traffic this morning, and will be here later to join us. But I guess you're just gonna have to put up with me for the short run. So, Changing the Rules is a podcast, obviously, about changing the rules. You know, we get all these rules in life that are thrown at us and we get them by teachers. We get them by parents, we get them by your employers. And the next thing you know, you got rules, rules everywhere. And one of the problems with rules is that they're resstrictive. In other words, rules tell you what you have to do or what you can't do. And one of the things that happens is you can't be free to be you if you're putting up with other people's rules. So one of the things that we find is that the people who really get ahead in life handle rules well, and they do really well at working with a rule set that they create that's around now for the last 45 years that shows you how old I am over here. I've most of my adult life, I have been studying the group of people that I like to call the luckiest people in the world. And the luckiest people in the world are those people that you see all the time. They just have this aura of luck about them. You know, everything is working for them. They're successful in their jobs. They work hard, but they find time to play. You know, just everything works. And I decided years ago that this was a group of people that I would just love to hang out with their interests. They're always doing exciting things. And probably more important, this is a group of people that I would actually like to be. So after studying them for 45 years, we finally came up with a definition for the luckiest people in the world. And that definition is that the luckiest people in the world are people who design personally their own lives, then they step in and take control of their life, and they live it to the fullest. Now, you can't design your own life if you're living by somebody else's rules. So one of the things that we found is that there are about 10 or 12, mindsets that the luckiest people in the world have, and that's what sets them apart. And probably one of the biggest ones is that they handle rules well, and we have a special guest today that's going to come on after we take a short break and is going to talk to us about the rules that she's been faced with it. She has broken over a period of time. And one of them that that you want to know is that she has a very definite mission in mind as to what she does. And that's one of the mindsets that set the world shut the luckiest people apart. The second second one you're going to want to look at is that she is continuing to use the talents that she's developed over a lifetime, at a time in life when many people are hanging up what they do and not doing anything. So we're going to come back in a couple minutes with Sheila Collins, but let's take a short break Taylor.

Diane Dayton  3:39  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  3:49  

I love the short breaks over here you know they're their primary let people know that they're listening to the right people over here and we have Sheila Collins and Sheila Say hi. Hello there, okay, and Sheila is off in the wonderful city of Pittsburgh somewhere I think.Is that right?  

Sheila Collins  4:08  

That's right, right here on the Allegheny River. Well, I hope

Ray Loewe  4:11  

I hope the back there I hope the weather is better there than it is here in sunny downtown Woodbury, New Jersey. It's hot here.

Sheila Collins  4:20  

Oh, yeah, we've been having hot too, but it's, it is summer.

Ray Loewe  4:24  

Okay, so So let me ask you a couple of questions. You describe yourself as the Dancing. Social Worker. Yes. Yeah. All right. You got to tell us about that.

Sheila Collins  4:38  

Well, I started dancing when most people are not. A lot of young girls are put in dance class, you know, when they're little and I did that. My mother did that. She didn't get to have dancing. So she wanted me to do it. And for me, I just kept doing it all my life. And I know you're most people outgrow. That's that. Like you know, okay go on and do something else and I have done many other things but somehow go always going back to I have selected the road of, of dancing or continuing to dance all my life and that has made all the difference. For sure. In my health and everything

Ray Loewe  5:19  

okay, so describe what you mean by dance because this isn't just going on doing ballroom dancing, it might be some of that, but you actually have a studio and, and and talk a little bit about what it is you do here.

Sheila Collins  5:33  

Well, I what happened for me was Ray, that when I was going to school as a social worker, now I had been a professional dancer and done all kinds of dancing. But when I was going to school as a, you know, to become a therapist and a group therapists with I was teaching children movement and dance and I began to see how you could you could use movement and and people's experience of their own body And their own energy to really teach them wisdom or to how to how to connect with their own wisdom. So that began that curiosity began for me then that I began using movement in all kinds of different ways as a therapist, as a teacher, getting people to embody whatever it was that they were experiencing, and getting them to be able to express it, you know, we are so wedded to words in our culture. And actually, it's not really words that, that make it through sometimes so that we're it's really the body and the gesture and facial expression, that sort of thing. So, yeah, so I've been just moving. I've taken some of this into women's prisons, I've taken it to organizations that serve patients are in health care. So it's just you know, but I bring those two worlds together because I haven't given up being social worker, and I haven't given up being a dancer. I'm putting those two things together.

Ray Loewe  7:04  

Okay, now, can we let people in a little secret and tell them how old you are?

Sheila Collins  7:11  

Well, sure, absolutely. I said you can't brag about it if you don't tell him.

Ray Loewe  7:15  

Okay. So give us the magic number.

Sheila Collins  7:19  

Well, I just actually, I think even since I've talked to you, I've gotten a different number I just had at first birthday. So that's a big eight. Oh, and that was a little off putting, I have to say it, you know, but then I began to see how well how fortunate I am and how you call it lucky. But I think that there's a lot of things I can credit for, you know, luck always favors the prepared. So I think that I have prepared myself to be lucky.

Ray Loewe  7:54  

Okay, I I agree with you 100% on that and I wanted to get the dancing on the table because I think It defines who you are. It tells a little bit about your background. And of course, you've woven in the social work idea. But there is a there are two things, I think that are extremely important about who you are and what you do and really define why you're lucky. So one of the things that you do in addition to your dancing studio and your social work, is, uh, you claim to be an expert on grieving and the grieving experience and I believe you've written a book The Art of grieving, is that correct?

Sheila Collins  8:31  

Well, that's the one I'm working on right now. I have a book called Warrior Mother, A Memoir of Fierce Love. Unbearable Loss and the Rituals That Heal, which is my memoir of the experiences that led me to be so fascinated if you would, and now passionate about how we need to learn how to grieve because it's so important for us.

Ray Loewe  8:55  

All right now most people when they look at some of the things that you've had to deal with In Your Life would not consider you a lucky person. And yet, when I look at when I look at you, and what you've done with this, thing you very definitely are one of the luckiest people in the world because because you've taken some, some experiences that most people would rather avoid and turn them into very much positives. And you're coaching this experience. So So let's talk about the grieving experience a little bit. And let's talk a little bit about how you got into it and what you do and why this is such a significant thing in your life.

Sheila Collins  9:36  

Yes, well, you know, you, you mentioned about how there are these rules, but sometimes we don't know the rules. We're just obeying them. And so I went out when I was having these difficulties with my children. I had a child who was dealing with AIDS, my son was dealing with AIDS, and went through all of that with him and his death, and then a few A number of years later, my daughter had breast cancer and you know, and in our culture, the rules are you have to just stay positive, keep positive, and there's nothing wrong with positive, don't get me wrong about that. But in in this world, we're not encouraged to notice what is underneath the surface sometimes, of what we're experiencing. And so it's sometimes helpful. In fact, it's always helpful to know that we're grieving and then to realize that it's a process. It's not a linear process. So you know, you can have these grief bursts, even years later after an event, or a loss and, and losses, by the way, happen all the time, all of our lives. Because if you love something, you're going to and you're going to lose it or it's going to change in some way, you're gonna have grief. So it's just so loaded into our experience of love. And loss that that's why I say we have to get good at it. We have to learn how to get good at that process.

Ray Loewe  11:00  

Okay, you told me an experience that you went through with a friend of yours who was in their final stages of life and and and that this set up an awful lot of you're thinking about grieving right now and and then I want to come back and talk a little bit about grief and regret and things like that but but tell us if you would about this experience that you had with your friend and, and how you felt about the whole thing and what happened and how it set you on this course to writing your books and coaching in this whole area of grief and etc.

Sheila Collins  11:35  

Yeah, well, I think you're referring to my friend Rose and she we had been friends for 20 years and Rose was one of those absolutely positive people just and had friends everywhere. And she she had breast cancer and dealt with it for a number of years. And then she called me one day and said, you know, it's everywhere now and I'm in the hospital and I want like you to Come and be with me. And so she had to turn the corner and instead of trying to keep alive. She had to see if she could, could die. She, that's where she was. And of course, you know, neither one of us knew anything about that process at all. So I just went in to be with her and we both thought it'd be a day or two, you know, and it ended up 14 days. So 14 days of her dying and this experience of, of intimacy that we had and her friends dropping by and we're singing and we're making jokes, and we're just, we're living fully inside of this cocoon of, of her hospital, turned hospice room. And, and then, then one of the things she said, and she starts to plan, you know, her service and she wants and she says, I would like I saw that you were dancing in the room when she would be kind of going to sleep and I would just do a little kind of Tai Chi like movement and she said, I'd like To dance at my service, well, I've never had heard of anybody dancing at a, I mean, I know they do, but nobody I ever knew. But I did that. And so that began to help me to recognize the use of, you know, the actually storytelling and dance and music and all the things that our ancestors used. When to get through tough times, your told would do that wherever whatever ancestor you have, they probably were in a culture where they sang and danced and and told stories, and they would have ceremonies when someone would cross and that sort of thing. So I began to see that we needed to reclaim grief as an art and that's more of my book now that I'm working on now The Art of Grieving is coming from

Ray Loewe  13:50  

Well, let me first comment that you have to be one hell of a friend. Okay? to go through that with and and to do that willingly because that's An experience that most people would just walk away from. Okay. And and yet

Sheila Collins  14:05  

Well again. Yeah, I think that's part of the rules, you know, we're supposed to not do go into, and we have this we have this duality. There's a good experiences and the bad experience. This is good, this is bad. And we don't really recognize Ray that within the most painful, difficult experiences. That's where the gold is. I mean, there is gold in there, I'm telling you. And if you think about it, people will even though it was tough, it was painful. It was challenging. When they're afterwards there are things they would never trade. And I feel that about my experiences with my children as well. Okay, that that that those things never would have happened if we weren't in such a tough spot.

Ray Loewe  14:50  

You know, so So here we are, first of all, you you you've taken a rule of thumb that somebody's thrust upon you, you know, that wasn't very pleasant, you've turned it into a positive These are the characteristics of the luckiest people in the world, by the way, okay? And, and, and you turned it into an experience that actually did some things. I mean, most of us would bypass that system, you know, they feel bad about it. And then they'd regret later that they didn't spend time with people that they loved and that they cared about. And you just kind of went right into this thing. And I have to tell you, you're a better person than I am from the standpoint of being able to do this, but I admire you for it.

Sheila Collins  15:33  

Well, but when you think about it, how do we get to be a better person? We get to be a better person by saying yes to what life asks of us. And and we also have another rule, I think, in our culture, that is, you know, we are the master of our fate and we get to say all the things that are going to happen to us and of course, that's bullshit. It's that does that isn't it? If there isn't anybody that hasn't had a lot of things happen to them. They never invited, whether it was, you know, breaking your shoulder or, you know, you know, having a disease that happened to you or one of your kids or, I mean, it's just things come along. You know, that still happens to good people

Ray Loewe  16:15  

Yeah. So you, you now coach people through this process, you teach them how to deal with it and, and of course you're dealing with it again with your daughter, right?

Sheila Collins  16:25  

Well, no, I, my daughter is deceased, but I now get to see the effects of her life and her and the way she lived her life. As the doctor came to her service said, I don't usually go to the service of my patients, but I just couldn't miss being here to honor her. He said, it wasn't how she did, how she dealt with her disease. It was how she dealt with her life. So that's the legacy that we give our kids

Ray Loewe  17:01  

So now you teach people or you help people deal with this thing and give us the name of your first book out. And then tell us a little bit about the second book that's coming.

Sheila Collins  17:11  

Yes. Okay. So yeah, the the first book was Warrior Mother, Fierce Love, Unbearable Loss, and the Rituals That Heal. And it does tell the story of my time with rose and then my time with my, each of my children, and also all of the things that were done that the community see we think of this as we make this through by ourselves. So that's another rule and that's another dumb rule because we don't it's, we do it. We get where we are, because there's an African saying, I love, "I am because you are." So if I, if you can see what I've accomplished, you can. I can point in many directions to the people who saw me through it encouraged me maybe even discouraged me sometimes. That's all part of what, you know. We're just, we're in a network of relationships.

Ray Loewe  18:11  

Okay, well,  Unfortunately, we're near the end of our time Time flies fast when you get into these discussions and I think what I'm going to do is talk to you about coming back sometime because this topic is is so fascinating to me and it's the way you handled it. And it's part of what I want what I want to be. So you know, I told you earlier that the luckiest people in the world are those people that I want to be well I want to be what you can do here, okay. And to kind of summarize, quickly so we have we have the dancing social worker out there and you're still dancing and you still run a studio, and you're still doing all of that stuff. And uh, you

Sheila Collins  18:54  

and by Studio Ray has turned into a media studio because I'm Doing everything online. So I'm doing I'm doing programs and, and performances and things online. So that one of the platforms is we have the reimagined festival, and it has, it has burst into the scene you can imagine with pandemic and all of this, there isn't anybody that isn't grieving or losing, you know, hasn't lost a lot. So that's the other reason. I think what I have to say has some kind of an audience because there's nobody in the globe that hasn't experienced tremendous change and loss.

Ray Loewe  19:41  

Today, you can't even be with your loved ones that are dying of this awful disease that we have. And, and and so I think, uh, I, you know, you've got two traits here that come out to me one is that you very definitely have a mission in life here. And an 80 year 81 years old young. You're just starting On your mission, I think and and second of all, you're continuing to use those talents and continue to develop them. Way beyond the time when other people are playing golf or staying home or giving up on life. And, and so Welcome to the world of one of the luckiest people in the world. Because Sheila, you certainly are one of them. And we're going to have to end this podcast right now. But we will be back in touch with you. And I'd love to hear more about what you're talking about and doing. So thanks for being with us.

Sheila Collins  20:32  

Well, thank you. It's great to meet you and to meet your listeners. So thank you very much.

Ray Loewe  20:37  

That's great Taylor.

Diane Dayton  20:39  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  20:48  

And too and thanks to everybody that was listening into us today and meeting Sheila. And we're going to be back next week with another guest and stay tuned and Thanks for joining us.

Diane Dayton  21:03  

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topic on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

Transcript:

Diane Dayton  0:02  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  0:13  

Good morning, everybody. This is KC Dempster. Welcome to Changing the Rules. I'm with Ray Loewe. And I'm not going to say at this time, that luckiest guy, and, and we're in the wonderful Woodbury location of Wildfire Radio Studios, and we're always talking about lucky people and changing rules. And we've learned that we're all given rules from the day we're born. We have rules set for us, and it's our parents, it's teachers, it's the church, it's the community. There's all kinds of rules being set for us, and for the most part, they're well intended. They're intended to keep us safe and to provide a structure So that we can have a well functioning society. But as we get older, sometimes some of these rules can become more restrictive because they're not relevant to the way we are going forward in our lives. And I'm speaking in a positive way, I'm not speaking in a breaking of the law kind of way, because there's a difference between laws and rules, but we won't even talk about that. But the rules are meant to control us and and to guide us. But as we get older, we have to figure out which rules really work for us. They work for what we want to do and where we want to go and we have to let the ones that don't work drop off. Maybe Ric tweak them a little bit, change them. And when we get the the rule set that works for us, we're free to be ourselves.

Ray Loewe  1:48  

You know, and sometimes we get rules thrown at us that we have to admit are pretty good rules. However, they knock us off of our path of whatever it is We're going to do and now we have to figure out, Okay, how do we make those rules work for us. And we have a guest in a few minutes that was faced with that kind of a rule. And she had responsibilities and she had things that she had to do when this rule wasn't being very nice to her. And she got in there and she took a hatchet and she chopped up the Rolo pieces and moved on. So you're gonna meet Jennifer a little bit. But also, I think, the luckiest people in the world, are a group of people that I've been following most of my adult life, and and the reason is, and I noticed that there's this group of people that I want to hang out with, they're always doing exciting things are always in a good mood. They're always happy. They're always making progress and, and you know, they work like dogs, and they manage to get enough vacation time to play too. And they have it all together. And I decided these are the kind of people I want to hang out with and more importantly, this was the kind of person I wanted to be and the way I wanted my life to be. So I started tracking them. And I found out that there are a bunch of mindsets that they have that distinguish themselves from everybody else. Now mindset by definition, and I lost my piece of paper to be able to tell the exact definition, but it's a way of thinking it, it's, it's the way you approach problems. It's a it's an attitude. Yeah, and it's a bunch of attitudes actually. And, and probably more important is it's really important because it your attitudes, build your self confidence and your self esteem. And these luckiest people in the world have that self esteem and they just do their thing. And, and and they're responsible and they take control of things. So we have young lady today, and we're going to talk about three of these mindsets in her particular situation. The first one is that she got hit by this virus. rule that we have of social distancing. And all of a sudden, it just changed her whole life. It changed how she dealt with kids, it changed how she dealt with her kids. And it changed how she's dealing with the education system that she's responsible for. The second thing is that we found that the luckiest people in the world, always, always, always come up with positive solutions. Now, they have to work at this, right. Okay. I mean, there's a whole lot of reasons to hide under the bed and not deal with things. But but they don't do that. They come up with positive solutions, and they're things that are going to make things work. And the third distinguishing factor is that they weave this into an action plan, right? And they take whatever it is that they've learned from this and they move it forward. And I think with this guest, you're going to see some absolutely phenomenal things that are moving forward over here. And so we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna come back and interview Jennifer Bates.

Diane Dayton  5:06  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the Luckiest Guy in the World. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  5:19  

Okay, we are back, right?

KC Dempster  5:21  

Yes, yes.

Ray Loewe  5:22  

Okay, so so we're back and that was I love these quick breaks. And I love Diane's voice, she energizes me. So we're here with Jennifer Bates and Jennifer, your title is your assistant superintendent of Salem county vote tech school system because it's not just one right?

Jennifer Bates  5:41  

Correct. So it is Salem County Vocational and Technical Schools, which obviously encompasses the Career and Technical High School at our main campus as well as our adult post secondary vocational programs. So we have a variety of entities in the Career and Technical world, but also we are the Salem County Special Services school district as well. And so we then oversee the special ed population for students who are placed in out of District placements. So it is typically going to be some of your more severely disabled individuals, or some type of alternative education program where the students need to be able to leave their resident district to be able to come and get education in a new environment for a variety of different circumstances. So we have a number of different programs, you know, serving students from early intervention, which is birth and all the way through adulthood, um, you know, to individuals that, you know, potentially could be 21 or are adults, you know, the sky is the limit when it comes to education.

Ray Loewe  6:49  

Okay, so you have all this is you got to kind of deal with and, to all of a sudden, like everybody else, we were hit with this one day we have school right? Then the next day, guess what? We're not allowed to have school? Are we? So What went through your head when all of this stuff happened?

Jennifer Bates  7:08  

So, of course, I feel like with everything when you know, this started, right around St. Patrick's Day, which you know, we will never forget St. Patrick's Day. 2020, right. Um, you know, all of a sudden, we had to have some really uncomfortable conversations as to what is what is this going to look like? How are we going to reach our students? How are we going to reach our parents? Wait a minute, how am I going to implement my do now on the boards? It's going to look very, very different. So, you know, immediately, you know, as a leader within a school system, I feel like the first thing you do is continue to tell everyone. It's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out because I don't have an answer, I don't have all the answers. But together, we're going to be able to figure out exactly What those answers need to be for our students. And in the districts that we work in our students, you know, we don't have the word traditional that's really attached to them.

Ray Loewe  8:09  

Yeah. And it's not only going to be okay. I think what's going to happen is we're going to go into a new version of education, we're going to go into version 202, or whatever it is, at that version isn't going to be the new normal. It's going to be the better normal, I think. And you told me a couple of stories. You know, first of all, let me toss into one other thing that you mentioned to me when we were talking earlier. And that is you take charge of education for prisoners too and some of the county prisons.

Jennifer Bates  8:43  

Yes, we do. So as part of our vocational school, we do our it's ultimately the adult literacy programs, and it's for both Salem and Cumberland County. So, you know, old term I feel that everybody tends to know is the GED. It's That alternative high school assessments, Well, it's all of those programs. So it's for individuals who have ultimately not earned a high school diploma through the traditional means. And they're seeking to get that education. So we provide those classes and those services within not only the Salem county Correctional Facility, but at the Cumberland County Correctional Facility. So individuals who are incarcerated for a period of time who do not have their high school diploma, ultimately, the goal is that they earn that diploma prior to leaving and serving their sentence so that they have more options as they move forward for rehabilitation.

Ray Loewe  9:41  

Yeah. Now, how do you do that? Because you used to send an instructor there, right?

Jennifer Bates  9:46  

Absolutely. So we have instructors full time within those facilities, they have their own classrooms, they run normal classes, schedules, you know, the, you know, students come and go, you know, on a regular basis. So what we needed to do is obviously rethink exactly how we're going to bring these individuals together. I'll be honest, the correctional facilities, they locked down initially. And they had to, I mean, you know, that's where the circumstances went. So what we ultimately needed to do was figure out a means that our teacher could still have that face to face interaction and that time with the students to be able to give them the skills and the guidance that they need to be able to move forward in the Salem Correctional Facility, you know, and I wish Warden Kazuki was sitting next to me because he would be, you know, actually really excited about it. We ended up reopening what we call the second floor. So in, you know, previous times, when visitors would come in to see an individual that was incarcerated, they would sit behind the glass, they would pick up the phone with those spiral cords and if there's anyone from a certain generation, they probably don't even Know what I'm referring to, um, we shot we watched the movie. So, you know, that arena that used to be there, it's not it was not used. That's not the process anymore within the facilities, however, it's still exists on the second floor. So we were able to be able to get access to reopen that area. So what we can now do is our teacher goes, you know, to the second floor, she goes to the particular pod or area that that student is going to be housed. And that student just has to go on the second floor and can go and attend class can get the one on one time with the teacher. There's no type of, you know, physical concern because they have the glass that's going to be between them, but they still have that face to face moment. Because in a correctional facility, they're not able to use technology. J in the same fashion that we do so if I want to, you know, pick up the phone and call my mother in law, I can FaceTime pretty easy. Yeah, doesn't work that way in the correctional facility.

Ray Loewe  12:11  

So, you know, everybody needs to think about this. I you know, parents and grandparents are worried about what's going to happen to their kids and stuff like that with all this stuff. But there are people out there with really creative ideas that are doing some things. . And so I think you right with your statement that we're going to be all right, we're going to be okay. And I think we're going to be better than okay because the next example I'm going to bring up is absolutely floored me. Okay. Because one of the things that you do is you deliver vo tech education to people and and this is my understanding is extremely important. All kids don't need to go to college. But most jobs are created require some skills.

Jennifer Bates  12:55  

Of course, absolutely.

Ray Loewe  12:56  

And these skills are are often delivered In a shop type environment or something like that, so, so what's going on here in this part of your domain.

Jennifer Bates  13:07  

So when we talk about career in technical education is especially in, you know, this day and age, it's a very high skill, high demand set of, you know, occupations that are out there that you need, you know, an extensive amount of training to be able to perform these skills and perform these tasks. So our goal is ultimately to provide our students with the opportunities that they need in order to be successful, whether they decide to go to college, to the workforce, or to some additional type of training school. Currently, most of our professions and most of the career pathways that we work with, absolutely need some additional training, you're not going to be able to walk out of high school and you know, just you know, start at a you know, at a company knowing exactly everything you need, you know, and I'll use welding as an example. You don't necessarily know Everything you need. But our goal is by the time they graduate high school, they have all those skills that they need to be  a successful worker, as well as walk onto a job site with a knowledge base, and the employer and the company will train them the way that they need to in order for them to be successful in this specific avenue that they're going to be taking. So when we talk career and technical education, virtually being able to work with the students and get them to demonstrate the skills is wholeheartedly challenging. Our students don't necessarily have a welding booth at home, though, well, you would be surprised at actually how many do have the capability of doing some welding at home, but they don't have the same means to you know, access the you know, the skills. So as we look At that as to how are we going to deliver this content virtually? videos only get you so far?

Ray Loewe  15:06  

Yeah, fire insurance would really go up

Jennifer Bates  15:11  

I won't even talk about the homeowner policy.

Ray Loewe  15:14  

So you used to teach this one online you had an Instagram why not one on one yet small classes, right?  And and kids would come in meet with their instructor and they learn how to weld. Okay, so what what's going to happen now?

Jennifer Bates  15:27  

So as we figure out exactly how are we going to be able to deliver this in a virtual setting? You know, we talked about this presenting opportunities for something new as it moves forward. And in welding specifically, and I've had this conversation with my instructor. You know, Mr. Nick Keefe, who is absolutely amazing. You know, we've looked at these, you know, he pieces of equipment, these computerized devices. It is this wonderful virtual welder. It's a very expensive piece of equipment well over $100,000 to be able to, you know, purchase this equipment. So we clearly never had the means because what school district right now has an extra hundred thousand dollars floating around, And when we look at this virtual welder all of a sudden we're literally in virtual education. So now we need to say, okay, we're going to figure out how are we going to find this money? And how are we going to get this in our students hands, because this is a opportunity that students have to be able to learn how to weld in a simulated fashion and be able to start to demonstrate those skills without needing to have the actual welding booth and the torch and all of the you know, physical equipment that they need to have.

Ray Loewe  16:52  

So everybody is safer from that kid that only took welding because they like fire.

Jennifer Bates  16:58  

Yeah, there's there's little least once every single year that that's the reason that they take our classes. So again, as as we kind of looked at all right, how are we going to deliver welding? And how are our students really going to be able to practice and hone in on all of these skills that they need to be able to master in order to move forward with their career? We started looking and saying, Okay, how is this going to work? So this piece of equipment is a simulation where the students can learn through the simulated machines, exactly what the particular weld is the the beating that kind of goes in with it. They then have the ability to pick up these handheld almost It looks like a remote control or one of those you know, virtual reality goggles, you know, type sets, where they then can utilize these remotes to then practice this skill, and start to figure out what it looks like. And what they are seeing through this virtual reality is exactly what they would see if they were using the actual torch and the actual fire.

Ray Loewe  18:13  

Wow. So they're actually that expands what you can do, because I don't imagine you could take kids and put them up on bridges and weld. And now you can

Jennifer Bates  18:23  

absolutely not, but that's one of the pieces that you know, and you mentioned the concept of going on a bridge. If you know how to weld. That's amazing. That's great skills. But welding when you're hanging off the side of the Ben Franklin bridge, that's a whole different skill set. And I'm going to be honest, I don't know how you teach that.

Ray Loewe  18:45  

Why I don't want to learn it. Okay,

Jennifer Bates  18:49  

so yeah, so now this gives a new opportunity for them to be able to be put in a in a specific type of activity where they can practice safely in order to master their skills without needing to be in class,

KC Dempster  19:07  

but eventually they're going to have to be hanging off the bridge.

Jennifer Bates  19:10  

But eventually they're going to be hanging off the bridge.

Ray Loewe  19:12  

All right, I hate to say that, but we are over time. Okay, so we're going to have to take a quick break and then come back and close up. But yeah, I think you've opened our whole mind to what can be done and add now these kids are going to get a better education because of the fact that getting an education was almost impossible. So Taylor, our last break, please.

Diane Dayton  19:39  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  19:48  

Welcome back, everybody. And this has been a really fascinating podcast that I wish I could have gone on twice as long. But but we are restricted By time, it is a rule. And right now we're not breaking or changing that rule. So I just wanted to remind everybody that the luckiest people in the world choose to be lucky. They continue to do things that change their mindsets or enhance their mindsets. And this is something that we encourage everybody to do.

Ray Loewe  20:21  

Yeah. And we're gonna do another great show and another great guest in a week. And so everybody, stay tuned to Changing the Rules. And we'll see you again

KC Dempster  20:30  

true, Ray and go to WWW.the luckiest people in the world.com to see our website, see everything that we do and give us some feedback. Have a great week, everyone.

Diane Dayton  20:44  

Thank you for listening to Changing the Rules, a podcast designed to help you Live your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topics on Changing the Rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, The Luckiest Guy in the World

Transcript:

Diane Dayton  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  

Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Changing the Rules. I'm KC Dempster. And here with me at Wildfire Radio Studios in beautiful downtown Woodbury, New Jersey is Ray Loewe, the self proclaimed luckiest guy in the world.

Ray Loewe  

You do that to rattle my chain every time though?

KC Dempster  

Of course I do.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, I am really the luckiest guy in a world. But you'll find that out later.

KC Dempster  

Yes, yes. So all through our lives people set rules for us, our parents, teachers, the church employers and even  municipalities and and, you know, legislation. And, for the most part, these role rules are meant well actually for all the These rules are meant to control us, but usually in a positive way, they're trying to keep us safe and help build a structure so that society can function. But as we get older, some of these rules are not relevant for us anymore. And they can actually start to restrict what we want to do as far as being creative and making a living and things of that nature. So the luckiest people in the world have recognized that and they have learned that they need to re examine the rules, and choose which ones fit them and which ones they can let go and which ones they can change. And that's what we talk about here is is we meet luckiest people in the world who are rule changers, and because they are rule changers, they are free to be themselves. So now you can talk right?

Ray Loewe  

Okay, read my shirt.

KC Dempster  

I know the rules of parentheses, they don't apply to me.

Ray Loewe  

That's correct. So I'm here to say I've been fed up with rules for a long time now and truth. We need rules. And in fact, we have to have rules because rules give a structure. And if you don't have structure, you don't know where you're going, right? Okay? However, the rules have to be your rules. And rules are really restrictive. And they get in my way a lot, and I do my best to get around them. And we have a guest today, who has been faced with rules and she knows what her real job is. And she figures out how to bend the rules to get her job done. Yeah, but

KC Dempster  

she's also a rule maker.

Ray Loewe  

Well, yeah, we're going to talk to her later. I don't want to give it away. So So anyway, I have been following this group of people are called the luckiest people in the world. And I've been following them for about 45 years, okay, most of my adult life, and they fascinate me, they fascinate me because these are people who have figured out what they want out of life. They know where they're going, and they just go do it. And they don't put up with a lot of junk and they get where they want to go, and they tend to be happy. And the key to these people is that they have certain mindsets. Now, let me define mindset over here because I did go the dictionary this morning. I did pull out mindsets, and a mindset is the established set of attitudes held by somebody. Okay, so attitudes but more important it was talking about why is a mindset important over here. And it's because the mindset frame a person's self confidence. Whoo. And and you know, if you think about it, there are a whole lot of mindsets out there and, and none of them are really wrong. They they're just different and and you have to figure out which are yours. So let me give a classic one real quickly and then then I'll be quiet. But there's always been this concept of Do you believe that life is full of scarcities or life is full of abundance. And you know, we all know things are getting scarce. You know, you run out of oil, you run out of gas or water, you run out of clean air, you run out of all of these kinds of things. Now, there are people who take that really direly seriously, you know, they were going to run out, we've got to conserve, no, we can't do anything. And there are other people who look at this thing. And they say, yeah, we know that's going on. But we have faith that somebody is going to invent something that's going to replenish this. So you know, we used to have coal, and we're running out of coal and somebody found oil, and then we're running out of oil. Somebody even invented electricity. And now we have solar. And I think the people who have the positive mindsets, have these mindsets that allow them to think positively and they feel better. And the luckiest people in the world tend to have these and we're going to focus on three of those today. Okay, our guest has been affected. By rules, you're correct. She's a teacher. So she's a mind a rule setter, okay? However, she gets rules thrown at her too. And she got hit with some really big ones. And one day there was a classroom the next day there wasn't a classroom and what do they do? Okay. The second thing is that another mindset is that the people who I think are the luckiest people in the world, always find a positive solution to anything, you know, you could hide, you can hide under the bed, not get up in the morning, but other people hide under the bed for a short time. And and and then they get up and they start moving ahead. They know what they want to accomplish, and they get around these rules. And And the final one is they take these things and they put it into a plan and they figure out how they're going to move forward with it. And our guest today, right after our short break that we're going to take is on is a master of this. So Taylor Do your break thing.

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  

Welcome back. Everybody knows the best breaks.

KC Dempster  

Yeah, but we have to decide who's going to talk first when we come back.

Ray Loewe  

That's when we have a moment of silence. Right. That's good now, otherwise, we both come on at the same time.

KC Dempster  

That's right. Well, I'm gonna defer to you. Right, go ahead.

Ray Loewe  

Okay. So we have with us, Judy Shaner. Now Judy, I idolize Judy, okay, she's a teacher. I have friends that tell me she is probably the best teacher in the whole world. Or maybe the second best, maybe, maybe we need to leave a room to aspire a little higher.

KC Dempster  

You always leave room for improvement.

Ray Loewe  

But she's a pure educator and and she loves teaching and she's in that classroom and She makes things happen. And she takes responsibility for the kids in her classroom and she's concerned about them. Mm hmm. So, Judy, welcome to Changing the Rules.

Judy Shaner  

Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

Ray Loewe  

Good. Well, you're excited now.

Judy Shaner  

See how this goes.

KC Dempster  

We'll rake you over the coals?

Judy Shaner  

I'm ready.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so, a little while ago, we had this thing called the classroom. Right. And you went to school every day? At least on a weekdays? Yes. And you had a bunch of kids show up in your classroom? Correct. And you taught them something? What are you teaching?

Judy Shaner  

I teach honors anatomy and physiology and I teach honors biology for 35 years.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so how many kids did you have show up in your classroom?

Judy Shaner  

Usually about 24 in science because we do labs, so we can't most classes are 30 but for me, it's 24.

Ray Loewe  

Right. Okay, so here you are. And then we had this magic day. I don't even remember what day it was. I

KC Dempster  

believe it was March 14.

Judy Shaner  

March 16

KC Dempster  

Yeah, well, that was in the Monday. Right, right. Yeah. 14th was Saturday.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so March 16 showed up and all of a sudden you had orders Don't go. Don't go to class. Right? Correct. And your kids had orders don't go to class.

Judy Shaner  

We went to school on the 16th, which was the day we're supposed to be going on our senior trip, which I'm the Senior Advisor for, and we could not do that. And we also had to no longer come to school.

Ray Loewe  

Okay. And, but the but the problem didn't go away, did it? I mean, you still have to teach kids.

Judy Shaner  

Correct.

Ray Loewe  

I guess you could use this as an excuse and hide and say, Well, I guess I can't teach kids anymore.

Judy Shaner  

That's definitely not me, though.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah. And I think that's the differentiator between people that I believe are the luckiest people in the world. They take this seriously. So you got hit. With this bombshell.

Judy Shaner  

We actually happened about three weeks before that, where we had a faculty meeting and our superintendent said, Listen, we have to start getting some plans ready in case we can't come to school. If you spend more than five minutes in the shower thinking about this. I'm going to fire you. That's how unrealistic. This was everybody. Yeah. About a week later, we were given "Oh, no, you have to make up two weeks worth of worksheets for these students." Wow. And then on the 16th, it was Oh, no, you have to come up with three weeks of worksheets. We're not sure when we're going to be able to go back.

Ray Loewe  

what are these work? How do you get worksheets to kids?

Judy Shaner

Well, school, obviously this is we had to run them off. We were supposed to start some type of online classroom, but they were saying was supposed to be review, which for me, I don't have worksheets for anatomy and biology. So I knew that wasn't going to work for me. So I had to make a different plan. And right away, I knew that I didn't have three weeks of review worksheets, and maybe in math, you could do that. But for something like my subject, I couldn't do that.

Ray Loewe

Okay, so here we are. We got hit with a change in the rules. Now, this isn't where you got to change the rules necessarily. But somebody came up with a rule and I think you probably agree that in general rule is pretty good. I mean, nobody wanted to catch this stuff that's going on

KC Dempster  

And schools are breeding grounds and

Ray Loewe  

yeah, you don't you don't want to be caught in an environment where you're likely to either catches or be response. Correct. So we had a good rule.

Judy Shaner  

At first I thought it was ridiculous because I didn't think it could possibly be true. I up until that weekend still said, No, we're going on the senior trip. We're going to Florida. This is crazy. This isn't real. And then over that weekend, it became real real

KC Dempster  

Yeah, that's that river in Africa called denial.

Ray Loewe  

I saw that but they dropped the D must have been an Egyptian spell. So So anyway, we had this thing and no, you had to figure out how to do this and I got the impression that first of all, you weren't happy with just worksheets, right? I could never do so what what did you do?

Judy Shaner  

I decided to actually flip the classroom and I bought an AI a What do you call it? The tripod, I bought a tripod and hooked up my phone to it and I started doing my notes as if I were running on the classroom board but on the paper and I started doing my lectures that way and videotape in my lectures so that they didn't miss the curriculum. Right they watched me doing the videos and doing the work

Ray Loewe  

that's a pretty sneaky way to become a movie star.

Judy Shaner  

Well, I was my face was not on it was much like this paper. Yeah. And

KC Dempster  

so so they didn't have obviously your school system didn't have a video conferencing structure ready for you?

Judy Shaner  

No, no, and I don't know that we've haven't yet really um there are so many new things out there and we'll see where it goes. But most people were just doing the worksheet type thing and I just knew that I couldn't get my curriculum across and students are going to be interested in that for very long sir out more than three weeks. So I just started video.

KC Dempster  

So did you mail the email them the video? How did they see you?

Judy Shaner  

We have a thing called Google Classroom Okay, you can upload it onto Google classroom and then they can watch it throughout Google class. Yeah,

KC Dempster  

kind of like a YouTube thing.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah. Kind of like that. Okay. Okay, so so you got hit with this problem and you came up with your video solution, which was a temporary solution, I think for you. And and and now we start looking ahead a little bit. So you're telling me I think that the class the buses are going to be heavily restricted, or at least maybe, right?

Judy Shaner  

The if you look at that, the guidelines, you have to have six feet and you have to have a mask on. And so the most that can fit in the bus is 12 students. So bringing just 12 students school, how long is that going to take? And it's going to be really restrictive.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah. So how, how many kids normally are on our bus?

Judy Shaner  

45.

Ray Loewe  

So you're down to a third, right? Okay, or less than less than that. Okay. All right, and and then what's going to happen to classrooms,

Judy Shaner  

so it's funny, I'm on a school climate committee, so we went in and measured classrooms also. So it's Because you have to start thinking, Well, what are we going to do now? How are we going to accomplish this? The most that can fit in the classroom is from between 12 and 14. So we're looking at half at the most Wow, in the classrooms.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so So what's going to happen, you're going to all of a sudden, double the number of teachers so that you can handle these or we

Judy Shaner  

know that can't happen.

Ray Loewe  

So, so Okay, so what's the creative approach? What What are you? And I know this is all still on the drawing board right on place yet, but but you know, what, what's the thinking? What? Like

Judy Shaner  

we're kicking a lot of ideas around that we have a hybrid method in our mind. I know some people are pushing for like an A B schedule where the students would come twice a week and one week would be where you'd produce you'd flip the classroom produce the videos on all of them. I feel that that's too many students don't, I don't think it'd be feasible for us to handle 800 students in a building, because we have 1500 and 50 plus the teachers. I still think an A B won't work. I think more of an ABCD Maybe you only see them once a week. And the rest of the time would be online where you're teaching by way of videos. So when they come in the classroom, you would be doing the assessment, you would be doing the lab, you would be doing the extra help the critical thinking problems, and then they would have to do the online, right. The other days, right. So that's, that's some of the options too.

Ray Loewe  

So I think this has some interesting strategic byproducts do use a word here. Okay. So so one of the things that's going to happen is at least the current vision that you had, is kids are going to be home a good number of days, and they're going to be taught by video and buy books and buy a lot of self study. Right? Yes. Okay. And I guess the benefit to those kids is, if you don't want to go to school, you don't have to go to school, right.

Judy Shaner  

I think there gonna be a lot of parents that make that up option to Yes, okay. And with this option, you have teachers, they're going to be staying home, perhaps doing all online. that frees up the classroom to spread the number of students out even more, right, which is part of the options too, that we could look at.

Ray Loewe  

And so so if I were a student, I'd be going to school once a week, maybe twice a week. Correct. So I might actually look forward to going to school would not

Judy Shaner  

this. It's so funny, because that's what happened with all this. everybody's like, Oh, I hate school. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. But they realize how much they love it. How much you love the socialization, how much you love the organization, that discipline of it all? That is a positive that came out of all this students really realize, Oh, I really do love school. Yeah, it's so cool.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah, that's the best thing to do is take something people don't show don't particularly like take it away from all men wanted again, and they are just dying to come back.

Okay, so so you're visualizing, let me just get this straight, okay, that your job is going to be first of all, you're going to have to do a whole lot of really good lesson planning. Because you're going to have to try and make it as exciting and as interesting as you can To encourage self study, right? And what do you do with kids that don't learn that way? I mean, I think some kids would love to self study and others are just gonna look for every excuse in the world never do anything, I

Judy Shaner  

think you're gonna have to because it has to be a hybrid method, I think you're gonna have to also have those meetings with them. Those zoom meetings where they get accountability, you see them face to face, and they realize, alright, there is somebody behind all of this work, and I need to do it because they're going to tell me I have to do it. And they want the grade. I don't have as much problem because I've, you know, honor students, right? I have very motivated students, I'm teaching anatomy, they want to learn everything. That's the scary part for me is these guys want to go into the medical field, they want to be doctors, they want to get everything they can from me. So I'm lucky that way. The my colleagues that are teaching the lower level students, the accountability is going to be more difficult. It's going to be hard to get them to buy into something where they're staying home and doing it on their own.

Ray Loewe  

Right. So how much of this do you think is actually going to carry on into the future? I mean, we we know it's probably going to carry on at least for a year. Until We have a vaccine and everything else. But do you see a change in the way the classroom is gonna be run?

Judy Shaner  

I think it's gonna be very useful for students that miss class. Very useful for students that are homeschooled that have school phobia and stress levels and stuff like that. I think that will it will continue to use for that. I think it's an awesome thing. If students want to look at the videos, I'm not sure and they're a little bit behind. Maybe they look at the videos as supplemental at home. Plus with the teacher, I think it'll be all of that will be something you've produced now that you can use. So I think that will be beneficial.

KC Dempster  

Yeah. I could have used that in elementary school. I was sick on the day they taught ratios and I never got it right. Never Well, I think I won't tell you how old I am. But that was a long time ago.

Judy Shaner  

If you Miss my type of class. They're really behind right now. There's gonna be videos out there.

Ray Loewe  

Watch it. I think it's exciting because because all of a sudden, you know, it just sets a different stage so kids that weren't excited about about school, are now going to get a chance to get excited about school again. Kids who can learn on their own are going to have the opportunity to learn faster with their own routine

Judy Shaner  

Do you knowhow much I'm learning now. Oh my gosh, the technology, there's so many cool things like there's something called ParaDeck where you can videotape and embed your questions in there. Now, you know, the kids are watching the video, because they have to answer the questions embedded in there. It's, I'm learning so much. Well, it's awesome.

Ray Loewe  

You know, believe it or not, Judy, we're at the end of our time. And you know, I would I want to do is thank you for your vision of education. And I think that all these parents and grandparents are home, they're worried about their kids and their grandchildren are going to understand that there are people out there who actually attacking this problem and are coming up with interesting solutions that are not only going to keep education going, but I think in the long run, it's going to improve it a lot. And, Judy, I have to tell you why you are one of the luckiest people in the world may have those criteria and you have the mindsets to do these kinds of things. And Thank you for being out there and teaching our kids.

Judy Shaner  

Thank you.

Ray Loewe  

So yeah, KC I think we take a really quick break here and then we can close up

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  

Okay, welcome back everybody and, you know, Ray throws this term, luckiest people in the world around pretty frequently. And we'd like to make the point that the luckiest people in the world aren't born lucky. But they do live exciting and fulfilling lives as you can tell by the the interview that we just had. And it's because they make the commitment to learn how to be lucky. And it's not enough to for it to be a one time commitment. It's a it's an ongoing exercise and commitment, where you do get these changes and challenges thrown at you and you have to adapt. And that's what the luckiest people in the world do. They learn to adapt and they make work for them.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah. And and what they do is they design their own long lives, and they don't let things get in the way. Right. Okay. And I think that's probably one of the the most notable things that we've found by talking with Judy Shaner, a teacher of biology and mathematics and all these great things to to our AP students who really want to get into medical school. And and, Judy, thanks for being here. And thanks, most importantly for being you.

KC Dempster  

Thank you. Right. And I just want to remind everybody, we have a brand new website. It's www dot the luckiest people in the world.com. Please go visit it. And, you know, let us know what you think of it.

Ray Loewe  

And we'll see you next week.

Diane Dayton  

Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a podcast designed to help you in your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topic on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

Ruth Kinzler; Facebook: @mystrokeofluckruthie

Ray Loewe: www.theluckiestpeopleintheworld.com

Transcript:

Diane Dayton  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  

Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Changing the Rules. I'm KC Dempster. And I'm here at Wildfire Radio in Woodbury, New Jersey booth with my co host, Ray Loewe, the Luckiest Guy in the World

Ray Loewe  

and we're socially distanced, sort of,

KC Dempster  

Well, there is no sort of about it. We're about six feet apart. Okay. So, changing the rules is a podcast about how change affects people. You know, we do face change in our lives and, and we also face a lot of rules. You know, from the day we're born. People are making rules for us. It's our parents, our teachers, our churches, the society. Employers, as we get older, there's always rules. And for the most part, I believe, personally that the rules are intended to keep us safe and to guide us and to to make Society work. But oftentimes as we get older and more mature, a lot of these rules are not relevant. And in fact, they can become restrictive in our lives. And the luckiest people in the world realize this, they recognize it and they decide that they're going to change the rules so that it fits their lives. And once they start to create their own rules and live by their own rules, and understand I'm not talking about laws, I'm talking about rules. They they start to become free to be themselves and in fact, probably enjoy more and more success.

Ray Loewe  

So good morning, right. Thank you. Okay, so I'm here in Woodbury to we have a wonderful guest today. We are all appropriately socially distanced unfortunately. I have my own new Mike cover. Yes. Okay. And I get to take it home with me and thank you for that Taylor, use it next time. Yeah, I'm gonna have to remember to bring it back. But But you know, this whole rule thing gets out of proportion like you said, And the luckiest people in the world as I define them are people who design their own lives. They personally go on out and they figure out what do I want to do? They design it, then they go step into that life, they take control and they live it. Okay? Now, how can you do that if you have rules of other people, that's one of the reasons why you have to change the rules. Now, we all need rules. Rules are important. They give a structure to our life, but they need to be our law rules. And that's the only way you can be free to be you, in my opinion. So I've been studying this group of people that we call the luckiest people in the world for most of my adult life. And I've found that some people just are interesting to be around, they're fun to be around. They're doing wonderful things. You know, they have this glow around them that they're happy all the time. And if they're not happy, they fix it and get happy all the time. And why I you know, I decided, you know, I want Hang out with these people, right? These are fun people to be with. Right? And not only that, if I wanted to hang out with them, I better get to work and fix my own life so that I would be one of the luckiest people in the world to and there's no maybe about this, I am the luckiest guy in the world. Okay, so I didn't say

KC Dempster  

I know that you like to call yourself that.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so So, we have a wonderful guest today. And this guest exudes several of the mindsets that the luckiest people in the world have. One of them is that they handle rules really well. And this particular guest on had the rules change on her and you're gonna see how she responded. It's magnificent. Okay, then addition to that the luckiest people in the world always, always always find a positive solution. Our guest today certainly did that. Our guests also find out how to change those rules going forward, she adapted a plan like the luckiest people in the world did and She found a way to mesh what happened to her and what she decided to do into something that she can take forward. But there's another element in here that I want to throw in. We haven't talked about this one. And that is the luckiest people in the world also follow what is fascinating and motivating to them. And I think when you find out what our guest did today, she certainly is following what is fascinating and motivating to her and I think I see a smile on her. So I think she must be happy.

KC Dempster  

Yes, yes. So, so let's take a quick break. And then we when we come back, we're going to introduce Ruth and get into her amazing story.

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the Luckiest Guy in the World. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  

Welcome back, everybody and I am pleased to introduce to you Ruth Kinsler and She had an event several years ago that turned her life upside down. And she's going to tell us more about it. So Ruth, welcome.

Ruth Kinsler  

Thank you for having me both. on this beautiful 95 degree morning.

KC Dempster  

Well, as somebody who hates winter, I'm more happy to to have that than a 35 degree morning.

Ruth Kinsler  

It's true. This is true, is true. But thank you for having me.

KC Dempster  

Oh, we're delighted. Because I think this is a story that that a lot of people need to hear, especially the, you know, in this time of pandemic and the way most of our lives have been turned upside down. And there's a tendency sometimes to feel a little sorry for yourself. And so I'd like them to hear your story. Sure. So So why don't you tell us Ruth, you were I mean, my understanding is you were working in the business world, and that you had decided to take a week at the shore with your girlfriends. Correct and take it from there.

Ruth Kinsler  

Okay, I was in the exhibit industry, I'm an accountant and I was doing accounting work for for 30, over 30 years. And I took a vacation. We went to the beach, and it was just a normal, beautiful Monday afternoon and I suffered a what's called a spinal stroke. And within three hours, my life changed completely. I was paralyzed from my chest down, which is where my spinal stroke happened. It was in the section of my the middle of my back. So from the middle of my back down was where I was completely paralyzed. And the doctors at that point, didn't understand why it happened, how it happened. But it happened and they they realized that I needed you know, beach hospitals are not always the best hospitals to be at so they rushed me to the University of Pennsylvania where I stayed for probably, I think it was seven, seven days until I actually started getting a little bit of movement back in my feet. From that point on, it was all up. I went to Magee Rehabilitation Center in Philadelphia and I was there for a couple months and by the grace of God and and the help and the expertise at at Magee, they they taught me how to live on my own. They taught me how to walk again, with assistance. Not only did they help me physically, they helped me emotionally. We had support groups. It was a change that just, you know what happened all of a sudden. So that's what I had to take in. This was my new life. I went home, I was I was home for a couple months and I decided, you know, this isn't, I was going to physical therapy, but I I had to find something to do and I had to do something That was going to make me happy and also give back because I was very, very fortunate and lucky that I got this this amount of mobility back. So I thought what can I do that makes me happy that makes other people happy that I enjoy doing. So I started a baking business, I started a catering business, and I called it A Stroke of Luck.

KC Dempster  

I love that name. I absolutely love it.

Ray Loewe  

So let me interrupt here for a minute. So what does a person do? When they have a stroke? their whole life changes. They quit their job to start a business, right? Sure. It doesn't ever make sense to me. Okay, and a successful business. And only the luckiest people in the world would do that right?

KC Dempster  

And I'm going to add a little bit of a commercial here. I happened to be at a birthday party about  nine or 10 days ago where one of the lovely desserts were cupcakes, carrot cupcakes made by Ruth and I will attest that they are absolutely Delicious.

Ruth Kinsler  

That's wonderful, thank you.

KC Dempster  

if I wasn't Q, I would have been embarrassed because I didn't know many of these people. If I knew everybody, I would have had a second one.

Ruth Kinsler  

Oh, well, I will make you some personally.

KC Dempster  

So, um, so I mean, that was a that was a that was a very digested version of what happened. And I think that our listeners probably should understand that. I mean, you touched on it. You said you were at Magee for several months. That's a long time and and too, you had to learn how to walk. And you had to learn how to take care of yourself. Absolutely. And, and I think it's wonderful that they also had groups for you where you could work on the emotional perspective, because that's something that as an outsider and somebody who's never suffered such a thing, I guess intellectually, I would know that there might be some mental issues that you have to overcome but it but I imagine that there are A lot more prevalent than we might appreciate, is that correct?

Ruth Kinsler  

Absolutely. I mean, until you experience something like that, you just don't know. And it's hard to, it's hard to explain to somebody what you're feeling. It's not only a physical, the spinal cord injury is not physical, it's physical, but it's absolutely emotional, mental, financial, it's this big, huge, you know, bucket of things stirring around in there. And you just don't know you can't grab that one and say, Okay, I'm going to fix this one, I'm going to fix that one. It's just a day by day basis. And there are many avenues that you take to accept what has been handed to you. And it's not it wasn't a you know, it's only been three years, this coming August will be three years. So I'm still going through all those processes, but I'm very, very fortunate that I like I have a positive attitude. I feel blessed and lucky that I am here and I'm able to even talk about it and try to help others. Right, you know, and I'm still looking for help from others. And as I gain that, you know, my hope is that I that I give it back.

Ray Loewe  

So it's real easy when something like this happens to just go into a shell and say, okay, you know, so I'll just live in misery for the rest of my life. And we all know people who do that and have done that,

Ruth Kinsler  

and which I did that as well in the very beginning.

Ray Loewe  

We're all allowed to do that for a while right

KC Dempster  

and and I imagine it's sort of like the the processes of grief because in a sense, you're grieving a life that was completely up ended. So so there's the anger and the acceptance and all that kind of stuff. And but I think that you hit on something very important that you said that you're a positive person. And I am. I'm confident that in a recovery situation like this, being able to Look at the positive, even if you sometimes have to dig for it and can't see it every day. Absolutely. That has to be a tool that really works to your benefit. It absolutely does. And

Ray Loewe  

let's turn this conversation around.

KC Dempster  

Okay, here we go.

Ray Loewe  

That's the past and and you know what, what Ruth had to do was she got smacked with this change, and he faced it. And she did the rehab, and she went through whatever we had to go through. And that was that. And unfortunately, I get the feeling that that's still going on a little bit, but it no longer has that awful texture that it had before. All right, and then the second thing you did is you faced the problem and you said there's a positive solution out there. Okay, and you picked up what you like to do is baking and cooking. I do so so let's talk about where you take this in the future. So what's the vision? How are you going to do this? What are Some of the hurdles that you have to face you know, tell us a great story,

Ruth Kinsler  

it's in the very beginning, I you know, I was faking it to make it I just I love it you know, I enjoyed cooking as a child but my vision was I wanted to give back and I wasn't sure how to do that. So as I started developing this company, I decided that I would give a percentage of the proceeds back to the people that do the research and discovery and development for spinal cord injury. So I started this this business and I basically do you know, soups, comfort food and sweets. It's not a huge business. But my, my, my hope is that at some point because this has only been about a year now, a little more than a year that I've been doing this and I'm starting to get a little more well known. I would love to see myself in a state storefront maybes trying to try to give back more than just a little tiny bit of the proceeds. I've learned that through this COVID-19 pandemic, people love to eat sweets. Now I could see myself going in more Ray in that direction of baked goods and a bakery as opposed to you know, just the comfort foods. But, but going back to the hurdles, you know, it's I've never run a business before. So I've been doing my research on you know, licensing and tax implications and, you know, handicap accessible facilities. Will I be able to stand on my feet for 10 hours a day. There are a lot of obstacles that I'm going to have to to do. Possibly trial and error, you know, because it's something I want to do, but I'm just, you know, I've got to look into whether or not that's going to be feasible for me.

Ray Loewe  

Well, I think you'll make it feasible I think you're certainly going to try yeah and and what you'll do is you'll elicit help you'll elicit to help if if you need it and you'll figure out what you have to do. But but the whole concept here just amazes me and it's it's the stuff I like to do this whole concept of following people that are fascinating and motivating and you know, of all people you have to be one I I keep going back to this thought that goes through my head, you know, when is a paralyzed person do you know, they quit their job starts our business, I mean, you know, right. And it for you, this seems like natural it was there wasn't any other thought this was just what was going to happen. And you're in the process of making it happen, and I think you'll find out where it fits you, you know how big Go, is what you have to do for you. And so what a lot is people in the world do they design their own life and they step into it and they live it to the hilt, right? That's that's, you know, congratulations, Ruth. You're here.

Ruth Kinsler  

Okay, I do I feel lucky and

Ray Loewe  

last. Yeah. Okay. So going forward. You said what some of the hurdles are, you know, what, what kind of help do you think you need? What, what is the message that we can send to our audience to get them motivated to do what you do?

Ruth Kinsler  

Well, I I know that's a tough one. You know, I was fortunate enough to be born with being a positive person. And always looking on the bright side of things. glass is half full. I mean, half, you know, half. You know what I'm trying to say? Yes, I surround myself with positive people with people that lift me up and try to help me and that's exactly what I want to do to give back I want to bring a smile to people's faces, right? that is clearly my objective

KC Dempster  

So is to the way people can help her is to order some of her cakes and cupcakes and,

Ray Loewe  

and and boy did she set us up for the end of the show. Yeah, that would be fabulous.

Ruth Kinsler  

If you'd like to look into that I could always go on Facebook and look at a stroke of luck catering.

Ray Loewe  

catering, okay, I think Unfortunately, our Time's up. So we need to go to a quick break here. And then we're going to come back and kind of close up.

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to Changing the Rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the Luckiest Guy in the World. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  

Welcome back, everybody. And I'm still kind of on a little bit of a high over this podcast because I I am so uplifted by Ruth's spirit, and, and I think that instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I have a little, you know, bring a little of that into my own life. And I think that we often say that the luckiest people in the world make the commitment to be lucky. They don't just let life happen to them. And I think that Ruth is a perfect example of this. And and it's not just enough for one, you know, a one time commitment isn't enough. Life is a journey. And you're going to have things thrown at you right and left. And you do have to have that mindset, as you say, to find the positive to make the rules fit you and to and to carry them forward in a plan for your future. So most lucky people seem to continuously expand their opportunities in their lives and this means that they also get to meet lucky people and share experiences and learning from the experts and adjusting their own lives.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah, I think we're gonna make it a point to have Ruth at our Friend's Connection whenever we get out of the doldrums and do this okay. And and tell her story because ahh it's just a magnificent story. And it's one that we should all remember. And and I think gratitude is a real important part of this. I think we were all born lucky if you're in America, right? And, and sometimes we don't take the time to think about it. And sometimes it takes an event like this to to jar you and you were a boring accountant before.

KC Dempster  

I bet she wasn't a boring accountant.

Ray Loewe  

She was, but I don't think she was boring. Yeah, but I bet she didn't bake muffins.

Ruth Kinsler  

Boring was never in my vocabulary.

Ray Loewe  

So Ruth, I have to say you are certainly one of the luckiest people in the world. There is no question about that. And, you know, if you want to meet people like Ruth, you know, come to our website, check out the things that we do. We're going to have our friends connection coming up. We do various podcasts and things like that. And I'm gonna have to listen to this one about three or four times. Because I just gets me excited about life so much. And I'd like

KC Dempster  

to just remind everybody that our website is our new website, and you can find it at WWW dot the luckiest people in the world.com. So, take a cruise around the site, come back again and again and don't forget to subscribe to our podcasts. We'll see you next week.

Diane Dayton  

Thank you for listening to Changing the Rules, a podcast designed to help you and your life the way you want and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topics on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the Luckiest Guy in the World.

[email protected]

www.theluckiestpeopleintheworld.com

Diane Dayton  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  

Good morning, everybody. If we sound a little excited today, it's because Ray and I are actually back at Wildfire studios in Woodbury, New Jersey for our first on site podcast since this whole bit of nonsense began. And, you know, Ray is the luckiest guy in the world if you were to ask him, and he's nodding his head. But, you know, we talk about lucky people and one of the things we believe about lucky people is that they make their own rules and when we talk about rules, you know, from the time we're born, people are setting rules for us, it could be parents or teachers or churches or employers, you know, even the the communities and so forth. And for the for the most Part I think rules are meant to protect us and to guide us. But sometimes as we get older, they become less relevant to us there and they can actually be more restrictive. So the luckiest people in the world recognize this and they start to make their own rules, rules that are meaningful to them meaningful to their lives. And once they get comfortable with that, and they're on top of it, they are free to be themselves.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah. And I am so excited to be out and about and the wonderful Taylor's scoured the studio for us, so I feel like like safe. I have my own little greeny microphone cover. It goes home with me. Okay. And wow, I bet our listeners don't have one of those. They probably don't. Okay, so the luckiest guy in the world. the luckiest people in the world are people that I've been studying for most of my adult life and I've been looking at them from the standpoint of These are exciting people to me, you know, they always seem to be doing something. That's right. They always seem to be happy. They always seem to have a glow around them. And so when I started studying them, I did it for two reasons. The first one was kind of selfish. Okay, these are the people that I wanted to hang out with. All right. The second one was kind of selfish to this was the kind of person that I wanted to be. and changing the rules is something that the luckiest people in the world handled really well. It's one of the mindsets that they seem to get control of and they don't let these darn rules get in the way they have their own little Greenie microphone caps. Okay, they do whatever it is, you know, to get out in the world and allow them to get going. And uh, we have a guest we're going to introduce in a couple seconds over here and she is definitely one of the luckiest people in the world and she doesn't let anything get in her way. Okay, so so these mindset so we're gonna To talk about today, our number one a when we introduce the Rebecca in a moment, okay, you're gonna find out that she certainly handles changing the rules, right? She doesn't like get rules getting her way, or change upset, at least not for long. She also is incredibly creative. And she always, always, always finds a positive solution for everything, okay? And when you're done, she finds a way to take what she's learned from this thing and weave it into the future. So it's not just something that put out a fire. It's something where, where she finds that creativity and makes it move forward. So we're going to do is, well, let me get my definition of, luckiest people in the world and we're taking a short break, then we're going to come back and bring in Rebecca. Okay, so So, I've developed this definition of lucky people, okay. And it's a little different than the definition because I don't think winning the lottery connotes a lucky pereson. I certainly would like to do that. Okay. But the luck we're talking about is deeper. It's that stuff that that, you know, just gets into you, and it makes life go well. So the luckiest people in the world are those people that personally design their own lives. And don't let the rules go away. They personally designed what they want. And then they take control of their lives and they go on and they live it to the fullest. So that's the definition we're going to use. And Taylor, let's take a short break. And we're going to come back and introduce Rebecca Hoffman.

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, am I am I you are back back. Okay, so I'm Rebecca Hoffman is out there somewhere in Chicago area. I think okay. You know, the rumor has it. Yeah. This is this is like the middle of The country where everything goes right and where lucky people live, right? So hi. Say good morning, Rebecca.

Rebecca Hoffman  

Good morning, Ray and KC, how are you? We're Well,

Ray Loewe  

okay, so I am absolutely fascinated. The name of your company is Good Egg Concepts. Yes. Where the heck did that come from?

Rebecca Hoffman  

So before there was an internet, there was just life, right? I feel like a comedy bit, right. And then the internet came along. And at some point, I was living in Miami at that time, some, there was an opportunity to create an email handle so that you could correspond with people around the world. And I said to a friend, what should my email handle be? and the person said, you know, you're a good egg, you should be the good egg, blah, blah, blah. And so I did become that and it was just my email handle, and then it became sort of a moniker and then as time wore on, my little consulting practice, I think at some point, I was doing some consulting work and my accountant said What is the name of your business? You need to register it and I said, Well, it's Good Egg Concepts and that's how it started.

Ray Loewe  

So when you're driving along though, in your cross country truck outfit you under your handle is good egg.

Rebecca Hoffman  

You're right. That's right. If I ever if I ever become like a cross country hauler, that will be absolutely. Cool.

Ray Loewe  

Cool. So I met I met you Rebecca long ago, I think it was I think we were talking about 2012 2013, something like that. So it's been a while. And and I had a very, very unique experience. After I met you. I was introduced to you, as a marketing consultant to help me get this whole concept of the luckiest guy in The world moving. And you did something that was incredible for me. I have no idea how you did this. But I have to tell you, this has been the core of the way I'm running my business. So I told you some stories of my travel, I told you about an airplane in Africa. I told you about penguins in Antarctica. I told you about other things. And you just came back to me and you said, you know, these are great stories, but they're missing the ending. They're missing. Would you call them parables? Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And that's right. And all of a sudden, these stories are everywhere in my life right now and and more are coming online. So you know, I just have to thank you.

Rebecca Hoffman  

Well, you're most welcome. And I can say that when I met you, I was quite taken with your stories. And as a person who works in marketing and strategic communications, and brand building, I'm always interested in storytelling because that is really the essence of every good brand, or story or position or offering. And so when we met and you told me a few of these stories, they were so unique and different. And your goal in telling them wasn't just to tell them but to also help people learn from them. It made sense to think of them as parables as teachable moments, as, you know, really great stories that a person won't forget and could easily turn around and tell another person and say, I heard a great story the way people do.

Ray Loewe  

Well, they're used in almost every presentation we make. And KC is helping me write a book. And these are feature components of the book.

So So, let's tell some stories. Okay. So So, here you are, you're a business woman, you have this marketing practice. You are also a mom, how old are your kids?

Rebecca Hoffman  

They are 10 years old and 13 years old.

Ray Loewe  

Oh, boy. Okay. And, and we got through last year, sort of together and insane, or not insane. And all of a sudden, not only the rules change, but life changed, right? So what happened? How did you how did you treat this and I'm excited to learn about this because you're so creative. Well, so you

Rebecca Hoffman  

No, it's interesting. I'm no different than anyone else. The first reaction was some combination of fear and confusion, what's going on what's happening. And from a business standpoint for the first week or two, I think it was mid March, at least in the Chicago area when we really knew that we needed to close down and hunker in and just be in our houses. I had had a sense way before that, because I kind of followed the news story from January. And so I was somewhat prepared in the home, but not emotionally prepared like everybody else. And so here we were mid March, the school just closed and then I found myself standing by a lagoon with my kids on a Friday...school had shut down and we brought some snacks to feed the ducks. And I said, I think we're going to be doing this for a while, and we're standing outside in fresh air. And you know, in that moment, I remember thinking, I wonder what this will be like. And so probably the first week or two, all the business people that I work with all my clients logically went silent.

It was like, it was like, you know, when you go outside before a storm and there's no birdsong and you drain, right? Right, no calls, no meetings, suddenly everything's just shut tight. And we, you know, I, I sent to my husband because I've been working in a private practice of my own devising for years. When the market gets rough, my business tends to go quiet. And I said, I think it's gonna be really quiet. And he said, That's okay. You know, everything comes back and fine. And so then probably seven to 10 days passed, and my phone rang. And it was one of my clients saying, Oh, we want to work on our website. And I said, not a bad idea. And the next thing you knew, we were buying ads everywhere. We were writing new copy for the website to explain how they would continue working zoom calls, suddenly, all the clients came back to life. Right, everybody realized this was the moment to shore up the digital footprint. Look at the online profiles, look at the website, look at the social media profiles and contemplate first, how they should appear. And to your point, right, what story should we tell because now we have Have a lot of people working from home who have time to read. They're not commuting in their cars. And I said to my clients, the whole stable of them, I said, you know, all that time, you would have spent commuting between meetings and in person things, that is your marketing time now. So everybody went to work, and my clients really did go to work. And actually, in some respect, I was busier than I'd ever been, which is a strange sensation in the middle of this difficult moment where people are really suffering and we don't know the directionality of things. And there's real fear. Right, the fear moved, the fear moved into more of let's let's continue to work, let's find a way and I think as human beings, we're creative, we're adaptable. It's unpleasant to have to pivot like this. But so we did. And that's what we did when we just continue and it hasn't stopped. We've been working all the way through on all kinds of creative enterprises related to the telling of why a business matters why an organization is relevant, how we can connect with audiences that would care

Ray Loewe  

Did All you're clients do that?

Rebecca Hoffman  

Most Yes. Okay. So and I should I should put a little asterisk. The majority of my clients are professional services type organizations like law practices, consulting practices educational, like college prep practices. So I am I'm working less with organizations that had to shut and couldn't do anything like a hair salon. Right. So So a lot of my clients could continue to work. And there was a perception, especially in the legal community and consumer community. Well, the courts are shut, we can't continue. But in fact, the courts move to zoom and, and conference calls. And in fact, a lot of legal proceedings move faster and less and less expensive because the attorneys didn't have to go and sit in the courthouses and file things and bill for that. Right. Things moved quicker. So there were some weird efficiencies that started to appear that were almost inadvertent, right.

KC Dempster  

I have a friend whose divorce was done online.

Rebecca Hoffman  

That's correct. So I work with A lot of divorce practices, Family Law practices and the divorces are moving very quickly if both parties were willing to do this in a kind of technologically new way, right? Unfortunately, they're trapped in the same house. They can't get out. Right? Well, not in this case. But yeah, in some instances, yes. So there were issues of, you know, concerns for domestic violence and safety concerns about alcohol and drug abuse. And I think those are still continuing because things aren't ironed out. We are more relaxed now sociologically. But from a professional standpoint, through my work, we were able to continue to advertise to people and let people know that these resources are still available, you may not be able to sit together in a room. However, the resources are still available and functioning for consumers. Yeah, that was a big message to tell. So it was a giant pivot in March and April. Okay, so which we did not we didn't expect it Right, right.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah. two quick things. So So okay, you got your companies, the companies you work for going How did affect you? You personally, I mean, you know, obviously you probably weren't in the car as much What, what? what went on and what happened to your family here.

Rebecca Hoffman  

So, you know, professionally I wasn't in the car. That's true. And then I had to sort of find my footing. I'm very fortunate to have a house where everyone could work. The kids have their digital school, my husband was now working from home instead of it as corporate headquarters where he normally would be, we're traveling. And suddenly our home felt like a small office, and we had to load in some additional supplies like paper and toner and really like a like a little tiny office building. So personally, it was very interesting that everyone had to find their footing and everyone did. So in our in my particular family, we all worked and we continue to work. And it's been okay, maybe better than okay.

Ray Loewe  

I don't I don't know if it was okay. You were whining on the phone the other day that you couldn't go to museums.

Rebecca Hoffman  

That's true. And that's a good reminder. So you know, I do think about those things. Like, what are my friends and I discussed this, like, what are the things you miss the most. And I thought at first, when all this happened, I would miss the restaurants, I would miss all of the stuff that was our normal life. And in fact, we shed our personal schedule, largely all the activities that kids would have been doing gone. all the places we might have gone to gone. But the thing that still remain that I miss the most real sort of cultural interactions, the human moments in museums, I'm one of those people who visits museums whenever I can. And it can be indoor outdoor, but I think those are still missing in our life and that you can't replace those human moments walking through Sculpture Gardens, walking through galleries, contemplating the creative output of other people when it's all digital. Maybe you can look online, it's not the same experience. Exactly. So that that's been a loss.

Ray Loewe  

And feeding the ducks didn't quite do it, huh?

Rebecca Hoffman  

No, but you know, feeding the ducks was pleasurable. 0became something that we look to do, right?

KC Dempster  

I'm sure the ducks were very happy,

Rebecca Hoffman  

very pleased with experience completely and all the stale snacks that I brought out.

Ray Loewe  

Well, it cleaned out the pantry. So So how are you going to take this going forward? I mean, we all kind of learn a lesson from this. But what did you learn that you're going to take forward when I'm not going to say we return to normal I hate that word. It's the new better the new, better environment we're going to be in after this is over with.

Rebecca Hoffman  

That's correct. And I think that one of the things I know as a person who works in creative space is I would tell this to my clients and it applies to us personally, which is, life is dynamic. Things are a work in progress at all times. And that iterations of experiences and things and moments are something we should look forward to. So right so it's not like, hey, when we return back to normal things will be okay. Again, right. It's more that when we emerge from this moment that we're in who knows how long This last right it's months, weeks I who knows, right?

But when we emerge from this, and we will, what will we be like, and that will be our next version. So like, you know, computer programmers called version 1.0 2.0 3.0. And I actually work with my clients frequently to say, your business marketing should be version 6.0 that you're at, and that's where you are, and you must sort of accept where you are. So if you had a business, and you had marketing, and then it shifted, you're now in version 2.0. And if after all of this happens, you go on and shift things. Again, you're in version 3.0. So we personally as a society, are going to version x point O, of whatever world we live in, and ideally, the world that we live in is the one that we try to make as nice as we can. And that, you know, that to me seems like a critical action to take both personally and professionally.

Ray Loewe  

Well, cool. Well, we're unfortunately we're at the end of our time already. So you know, thank thank you for being with us. And Rebecca is certainly will One of the luckiest people in the world I would agree. And we're gonna see writing for Saturday Night Live one of these days soon.

Rebecca Hoffman  

I know one of these days. Okay, that will happen right and then I'll have you in the audience with KC.

Ray Loewe  

Taylor, let's take a quick break and a quick break and we'll come back with that closing remarks.

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  

And here we are back again to get ready to say goodbye but I wanted to touch back to something that Ray was talking about before we brought Rebecca on and he was he was talking about the luckiest people in the world and and his definition of luck. And you know, you would be tempted to say that somebody who won the lottery was lucky. But the definitions in the in the dictionary kind of center on that that luck when we say Somebody has lucky we're referring to something that happened to them that they didn't have that came out of the blue, that they didn't have anything to do with and, and what we're trying to say is that we don't necessarily ascribe to that definition. In fact, I was at a meeting many, many years ago, and somebody said that luck is a combination of preparation and opportunity. And that makes much more sense to me. And so people who win the lottery do do some preparation, they go buy the ticket, somebody who doesn't buy a lottery ticket doesn't win the lottery. So So that's our definition of lucky people. And sometimes lucky people get hit by life events that derail them, like we just did with this pandemic. And but the lucky people, as Ray said, they, they find a way to adapt to the changes, they find a positive solution in that adaptation, and then they make it into they filter it into their plants.

Ray Loewe  

Going forward, as Rebecca was saying, we're not going to go back to the way things were. We're going to go back to adaptation. 2.0 Yeah. Isn't that wonderful? Yeah. So show in closing here we have a brand new website. Yeah, yeah, www and either the luckiest guy in the world or the luckiest people in the world, whichever you choose. And if you want to hang out to some extent with people like Rebecca, you got to join us on the website, you got to join our luckiest people in the world community. And you got to continue to listen to our podcast and we will be back next week with an exciting new guest. Very interesting story. Yes. So join us next week. Thank you.

Diane Dayton  

Thank you for listening to changing the rules. A podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topic on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray love the luckiest guy in the world.

Diane Dayton  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe, the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  

Good morning, everybody. Welcome to changing the rules. I'm KC Dempster. And I have Ray Loewe with me, the, he hates this, the self proclaimed luckiest guy in the world. You know, all through our lives, people have been setting rules for us. First it was our parents and then teachers, church. And as we get older employers and you know, the list goes on. And the rules are originally meant to control us, but usually in a positive way. They are trying to give a structure and guidance to keep us safe. But over time, a lot of these rules lose their relevance to us and they can become restrictive to what we want to do. And so this podcast is designed to help us build our own set of rules those that are important to us. And that work for us. We all need rules, but they need to be our rules. And when we change the rules to our rules, we become free. Free to be ourselves. Good morning, Ray.

Ray Loewe  

Good morning. And I'm all for this being free to be yourself Stuff, you know, rules, rules, rules, there's too many of them. And you know, it's not bad enough that we have the old rules, we get new rules all the time. And that's one of the things we're going to talk about today. So, I have been studying adult, all my adult life, people that I call the luckiest people in the world. And they're there those people that you'll want to be there that the people that everything always seems together, they have an aura of luck about them. And it's not the lottery winners that we're talking about. It's the people that, you know, are constantly lucky, almost everything that they do turns into a golden opportunity. And I think it's because they make it happen. So 1let me set Kind of a definition of the luckiest people in the world that I've evolved. And I'd like to define the luckiest people in the world as those people that personally design their own lives. They take control of their own lives, and they live their own lives to the max. And to do this, they use a series of mindsets. And one of them is changing the rules. They don't mess around with rules, they, they figure out how to make them work for them. And our guest today, really, we're going to introduce three rules. We've introduced them before, but I think it's really important that we reinforced them again. One of the rules deals with change. And we've all been smacked by this virus. And all of a sudden, we were told you're not allowed to go out of your house, you have to stay home you have to be social distance. And boy did that throw a damper in the role of people who are out there trying to make a living.

And I think that's one of the things that the luckiest people in the world have overcome. The second thing that they do is they always, always, always find a positive outcome in everything. And is because they're optimistic. It's because of the way they look at things. But uh, but they work at it to make that happen. And finally, at the end, they come back and they take everything that they've got, and they put it in a plan and they figure out how they're going to work with this going forward. So we're going to take a break in a moment and when we come back, we're going to reintroduce Marc Bernstein Marc has been on our show before, he's a semi regular, but he always has wisdom to import, impart, and he very, very definitely is one of the luckiest people in the world. So let's take a short break Taylor.

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to changing the rules with k Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, Marc Bernstein Are you there?

Marc Bernstein  

I'm here Ray.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so, uh, Mark, reintroduce yourself, I could do that. But there's nobody better to do that. Tell us what you do for a living. And then we'll get into your book and a couple of other things.

Marc Bernstein  

Well, I am a financial planner that I prefer to call myself a fiscal therapist.

And that name came from the book or the book came from what I do, but it's called The Fiscal Therapy solution. 1.0. And I find that I call myself that because what I do and what my team does goes a lot deeper than traditional financial planning. It really goes into really understanding our clients, really understanding what it is they value, what they want, what their attitudes are. about money and other things. And then once we know them starting to develop a plan. And the last thing we talk about our financial products, which, unfortunately is what the industry usually discusses, as the first thing,

Before we go on real quick, can I make a book recommendation based on your introduction today? Sure. So I'm reading very slowly because I want to absorb it all call it and it's pretty well known called The Untethered Soul. by Michael A. Singer. And it talks exactly about what you're talking about living your own life, and finding your own path. And actually, the book that got me interested in that was the book prior to that. He actually wrote it later. It's like the prequel that he wrote, but I think it helps to read it first because it tells his life story, which is fascinating. And it's called The Surrender Experiment. And what he talks about is his life, which basically he was a hippie in the late 1960s and The early 1970s and he really just wanted to live out in the woods and meditate. And by pursuing his path, he eventually developed a meditation center which became a temple, which people started coming from all over the country, developed into a business. He ended up being the CEO of a multi billion dollar corporation.

Little temple in rural Florida. And it's ironic, what's opened opportunities. It's a fascinating story. And he's become a speaker on the subject and he's a he's a great source of information for people that are looking to live their own lives. And as an inspiration lately,

Ray Loewe  

so well, you know, I've I've known you for a long time and probably going on 30 years over here maybe longer than that. And, and I know you're an attorney, and I'll forgive you for that. Okay, so attorneys are meant to deal with rules. I've never known you to be a rules guy. Really, I think you've always been able to take a look at the rules and figure out how to make things happen that you needed to make happen, to feel happy to be yourself. And we got hit not too long ago, you know, I remember the last time I met you, you know, we met because you were out on the road, you were out seeing people and, and now all of a sudden we have social distancing. And we can't do that anymore. So, so how did that strike you when it happened? And then we'll talk about what you did about it.

Marc Bernstein  

First of all, I have to clarify, I'm a lawyer. I'm not about breaking law, but I am about changing the rules.

Ray Loewe  

Like a KC Dempster line.

KC Dempster  

Yeah. Well, I was married to a lawyer so I kind of know that stuff.

Marc Bernstein  

Well, and it's also good as a financial planner not to be breaking any laws too. But changing the rules is a whole different story. So how it hit me...So like many of us, you know, all of a sudden I was I was actually visiting my son in Denver, knowing that travel might be restricted soon. It was May the 13th I think when I went out there, and on the way back, I realized that the whole world had changed in about four days. And that we were we were get ready to get shut down that the office was getting shut down. I got into my office once for about an hour before it got shut down. It's still closed. We're not opening my broker dealers not opening our office again until at least September. Wow, I have a feeling it could be longer. I have a feeling we won't be earliest we'll have clients in our office, which is how most of the way you build your business and it's the way I don't mind. People coming in the office. The earliest I think will be January to be honest.

I've also just to describe that a little bit. I've been a frequent guest on internet. Television shows the last few weeks I have an agent and I've been on some shows. They picked me to speak on the dynamics of the changing commercial real estate landscape. And it is changing drastically. I mean, major companies are saying, you know, 80% of our clients are going to work from home now. I mean, so so that was the first thing that struck me, I've never worked from home. I never really used a computer very much, you know, for personal use.

But, you know, I've always had staff that takes care of, you know, I work on my unique abilities, and those are bringing in business, working with clients doing the planning, and creating strategies and then helping them come to decisions to move forward. Those are the things I'm good at. I'm not good at working computers, I'm not good at, you know, staff, you know, managing staff, and those are not my greatest strengths. So, all of a sudden, I'm home and we got to figure out how to keep our employees motivated. We've got to figure out, I got to figure out how to use the thing that's sitting in front of me. Now I'm very advanced, you know, I'm standing up right now. I have have one of these desks that you can raise the level and I can, you know, I can, I figured out Skype today and figure it out. I'm a Zoom Meister, you know become really good at Zoom so so number one it's been a blessing because think of all the new technical capabilities I have that I didn't have before.

So one of the things I realized, so my partners and myself decided that for the first month, we were going to do nothing but keep in touch with our top relationships and just see how they're doing. See if we can support them in any way because it's, you know, it's a really, really tough time for people. And that's what we did. The interesting thing is just by doing that business opportunities came our way number of business opportunities came our way without trying. The next thing I started thinking about was like, that's great, but how do I bring in new business because a certain percentage of our business each year is bringing in new business. Hello, we have a nice base of clients, but that's important as well. Well to bring in new business. So, like, how are we going to do that? So we've been starting to have all these zoom meetings with clients. But now it's a little different when you're, you know, when you're meeting someone for the first time and you're trying to connect on zoom, it's not quite the same thing as connecting with someone. Like I see you guys on my screen and it's easy because I've known you both for many years. So how do you do that? So I came up with this idea and Ray has been Ray and I have talked about and he's been a, you know, an influencer with me on this, that I'm developing a series of webinars right now titled Financial Leadership in Turbulent Times. And we're, um, that was I left my phone on that was Siri talking to me.

So, we, um, and it's and it's really a series of ideas and exercises around. What is your vision now versus what it was three months ago? ago I had to go through this myself, or nothing I'm saying six months ago. So to go back to December of 2019. And now it's six months later, well, seven, almost seven months later, but june of 2016, what's changed and what shifted for you? A lot has shifted for me.

I, you know, Ray knows my wife and I have talked about where we want to live, we're now our kids are isolated. They're living in different cities. And we're, you know, we're living in this big house by ourselves and say, We don't need this anymore. We just came from our Mountain House. Um, and we're, we decided to sell that and in fact, it's getting sold because we don't get up there enough. And we're thinking about different things we added on to our Vacation Club points because that's more relevant now. Where Where can we meet our kids and spend time together? So our lifestyles changing, things are changing.

A lot of my business and and I think ultimately all for the better. But a lot so my my view of what I want really is changed. As Ray said I was traveling a lot I was intending to do more traveling more speaking. And I decided I don't really think I want to do that as much I I'd rather do what we're doing right now I'd like to do podcasts. I like to do more webinars I'd like to do. And I'd like and the other thing is I'm adding a team of people to bring in business, just kind of what I did for many years in my business. And I'm and just by thinking about it, I've had people come to me look from out of the blue that are that are interested in and that's their strength. So it's, you know, it's it's really it's almost, it's amazing in two months, how much has changed, and I think it's all going to be for the good.

Ray Loewe  

You know, I'm looking forward,  But I I'm looking forward to this this workshop that you're doing which I will be on and and I'm actually bringing a friend line with me. Okay. And it's probably going to turn out to be a new client relationship for you at some point in time. But, but the whole idea is, uh, I've had time to think, just like you have. And when you have time to think, you know, this is what we've never done before where everything was moved, move, move. I love the idea that you're rethinking where you want to live. So you actually now are spending time talking to your spouse? I mean, isn't that a good thing? Right? A lot of times. Yeah. And, and so it's intriguing, and it's exciting. So. So here you are, you've got hit with a change. you've figured out some creative ideas about what has to be done. What's your vision going forward? I mean, you kind of gave us a little piece of it here. But you said you're going to be off the road a little bit more than you were before.

Marc Bernstein  

I think a lot more I what I decided is I love to travel. But I love to, you know, traveling isn't easy these days, you know, and it's it's only going to get tougher with what's going on now. So what I realized if you have to get somewhere for business, it's a lot of stress. But if you're going on vacation, I said this to my family a long time ago, we have delays if there's a flight delay, whatever happens once we've gotten in the car, we're on our way to the airport, that's our vacation. So if the planes late, it's like big deal, you know, or something happens big deal and it doesn't affect you. So I decided I do want to do more traveling but for pleasure, not for not so much for business anymore. You know, all these conferences I had like four or five conferences canceled between March and June. And be honest with you, I didn't miss any of them. thinking, you know, I'm thinking Am I gonna continue doing those in the future.

We you know, the interesting thing is that way you feel is probably how your clients feel too, isn't it? Well, I'm starting to see that, you know, clients are very happy to connect on zoom, they don't have to drive to my office, we don't have to drive there. You know, it saves a lot of time. There's a lot of advantages to to what's coming out of this and the way we're operating. Sure, I want to be belly to belly with people from time to time, I want to see them, you know, get together because I care about them. And, you know, in those days are going to return we're going to be able to do that. But I think we've gotten in the habit. Now we could say to people, would you rather come into the office? Or would you rather do it on Zoo and a lot of like to keep things short? everybody's busy. So I think it's a lot easier to not make big events out of things and just do you know, technology's becoming a big aid and being more efficient with our time and which makes us better able to do the other things we want to do in our lives. So I think it's all great. I really do. Cool. All right. Well, unfortunately, we're getting near the end of our time, boy, time flies.

Ray Loewe  

fast when we're done, you know, and again, before we close, I just want to remark, this is why you're one of the luckiest people in the world. And I really feel you are because you company, right? Well, you've taken the problem and you've turned it into a very positive thing and and not only are you revamping your life based on it in a positive way, but but I think the insights that you have as a financial advisor, follow through with this because our clients are thinking the same kind of thing. And now you're going to be able to put their plans together in a more exciting, more personal way than you ever were able to do that before. I'm looking forward to this workshop with you. I will be there and let's continue to do some exciting things. And KC, let's decide what we're going to do next week.

KC Dempster  

Okay, well Next week we're going to be on the podcast again. At this point, I'm not sure if you've told me who our guest is going to be. I look forward to that. Because, secret Yeah, I love meeting these luckiest people. And I just want to remind everybody that the luckiest people in the world weren't born lucky. But they do live, exciting and fulfilling lives. And it's because they made the commitment to learn how to be lucky and they understand that you can't just make you know, make this commitment or do something once you It's a journey. So you constantly have to be reevaluating and looking at your life and figuring out what you need and what you want, and then finding out how to get there. And we have ways of helping people with that. So, you know, what do you think people should do to learn to be lucky and stay lucky?

Ray Loewe  

Well, they ought to listen to our podcast because every week we have somebody like mark on and and all of the new podcasts going forward are going to feature people that I think are lucky People in the world. They have these mindsets. They're actually doing things that are creative and interesting and exciting in response to changes. In some cases, they're physically changing the rules, but never the law right mark. Never Never the law. And and we're getting excited for getting back in having our Friends Connection again. And that's one thing I don't want to not happen. A party is a party is a party. And when you're surrounded by a bunch of the luckiest people in the world, exciting things happen.

And we've got some new books and courses coming out so So Mark, give us once more the final version. Your book that's out is called The Fiscal Therapy Solution. 1.0 available on Amazon.

Marc Bernstein  

And I have a thought for you before we go. I have a personal trainer that we're training virtually now which is great. I don't have to drive anywhere. Zoom and yesterday he said yes. class because we have a class, but he manages to see everybody individually. And we have back and forth. And he said, is your day happening to you? Are you happening to your day? We have a good day, but you know, who's affecting whom there? Yeah. And proactive and not reactive every day now is, um, you know, is an adventure. And I think it's one of the lessons I've learned from this is make every day meaningful. You know, whatever it is your path, make sure that you're doing things to progress. I think human beings, we're gonna talk about this in the webinar, you know, are built to progress to move forward. If you don't move forward, you're moving backward. So how are you progressing every day in your journey, as you call out? Yeah.

Ray Loewe  

Well, thanks for your wisdom as usual. And we'll be back next week with a new guest and a new topic. And join us, everybody. Thank you. We'll talk to you next week. Thank you for listening to changing the rules, a podcast design. To help you live your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen.

Diane Dayton  

Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topics on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

Transcription

Diane Dayton  

This is changing the rules, a podcast about designing the life you want to live, hosted by KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world.

KC Dempster  

Good morning, everybody. It's a beautiful day here in New Jersey. I'm KC Dempster. And here with me is Ray Loewe, the self proclaimed luckiest guy in the world, and we have a very interesting guest for you but I'm not going to spill the beans just yet. It's It's a gorgeous day we have no humidity, bright sunshine, blue sky. All is good. So we found that through our lives, people have always been giving us rules. First it was our parents then it was our teachers and maybe if we're belongs to a church, it's the church. And then as we get older, it's our employers and and, you know, the list keeps going. And the rules are probably instituted initially for a positive reason. They're meant to control us, but in a positive way. And they were meant to give us structure and guidance and to keep us safe. But over time, a lot of these rules lose their significance to us and they can actually become restrictive. So this podcast is designed to help us build our own set of rules, those that are important to us and work for us and we all need that. We need rules that are relevant to us. And when we change the rules to our rules, they we become free for you to be be ourselves. Good morning, Ray.

Ray Loewe  

Thank you, KC and I am really the real luckiest guy in the world this this, you know, self proclaimed stuff is for the birds. And and by the way, the weather report was wrong. It's going to rain later.

KC Dempster  

Are you trying to rain on my parade?

Ray Loewe  

And our guest is going to show us how it doesn't matter. So anyway, this whole thing about changing the rules is one of the major mindset part of a group of people that I call the luckiest people in the world. And, you know, I started studying the luckiest people in the world early in my adult life. And I've just continued year after year and, and and why and I think it's because secretly I want to become one of the luckiest people in the world. I like the way their life comes together. And these are the people that always seem to have it together. And they have this aura of luck about them. Now, to be clear, these are not the people that are winning the lottery necessarily. I mean, they're lucky too but but I don't think they have the same depth of luck that the people that we're talking about have, and people aren't born lucky. They have a series of mindsets that they learn. And I'd like to take a minute right now and define the luckiest people in the world as I see them. And they are those people that personally designed their own lives. They step in and take control of their own lives. And then they live their lives to the hilt. And they use this set of mindsets to do that. And changing the rules is one of the mindsets. We're going to talk about another one today, and there's a whole sequence of them and the luckiest guys, luckiest people in the world again, are not born lucky you they kind of learned as they go.

So, um, let me uh, without introducing our guest, because I'm not allowed to do that yet. Right. Okay, say

KC Dempster  

yes. Because we're following rules today.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah, we're following somewhat anyway. So we're going to talk today about a mindset that I think is extremely important. We've talked about it before, it's happiness. And, you know, I think most people in the world would rather be happy than not, I certainly would, uh, and I think I want to hang around with those people that are happy. I don't want to hang around with those people that are miserable all day. Long. But the luckiest people in the world have found a way they have a system kind of, and they've created the power to be happy for themselves. And that's what our guest is going to talk about. So I think what we need to do is to take a short break. And then when we come back, I will let you introduce our guest. And then I got a whole bunch of great questions about how to be happy, why it's important, what we want to do with it and all those good things.

Diane Dayton  

You're listening to changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray Loewe the luckiest guy in the world. We will be right back with more exciting information.

KC Dempster  

Welcome back, everybody. We are right back and I have the pleasure of introducing gentlemen that made me laugh the minute he came on to this Skype call because he had a red nose on. I'm introducing you to john Freeman, who in his serious life is a financial advisor, but in his true life It's an even bigger red nose he is a professional clown. Welcome, john.

John Freeman  

Good morning. How are you guys doing? We're doing.

Ray Loewe  

We're much happier since you've been on the line. How's that?

John Freeman  

works that works. I'll pick it up.

Ray Loewe  

So I've known you for a long time. And let me relate an experience that I had with you A while ago to kind of set this off. JOHN and I were in a coaching group together and we've had these long drawn out sessions they took all day. And by the end of the day, you were pretty well wiped out and drained and any happiness it started at the end of the day was still kind of there, but it was kind of tucked away. And john came in during a break and he passed out a red nose to everybody in the group. And all I can say is when people came in, everybody put that nose on, and it changed the whole demeanor of the group. It was absolutely incredible how the group morphed, so So john, tell us a little bit about how you got involved in this clown stuff.

John Freeman  

During the getting ready for this, you asked me about being a professional clown, quite professional clown means I got paid once. I think it was about a buck or 50 cents. About 30 years ago, the church we were in, started a clown ministry for for kids, which my daughter got involved in, and I couldn't understand why they didn't open it up for adults, but they didn't. So about 15 years ago, I saw a flyer that talked about a free conference for people that are interested in magic or clowning or balloons for ventriloquism and face painting. And I said, Well, I've always kind of had an interest in clowning. So I went and I got hooked. So I've been doing it off and on. Sometimes pretty seriously, sometimes just occasionally 15 years.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, now, we cheated. We You went to one of our cocktail gatherings with a small group of people and you let it spill that there are actually what four different kinds of clowns? So tell us a little bit about this history and what went on and then and then we'll get into how you make people happy.

John Freeman  

The the main for those of you that don't like clowns usually don't like a white face clown. And I always blame it on Stephen King movies. But a white face clown is the top of the pyramid for clowning. And the exception of that is the ringmaster of a circus. He's technically a whie face clown but they're always not made up. But they're the boss. They do everything. white face clown as a clown, extremely popular Europe and Mexico. They're very elaborate. The white face clowns we see here United States mostly are like Bozo the Clown and the scary clowns of Stephen King, but they also can be like my daughter who is a little balloonist? That handed out balloons to kids and in white face. So literally everything in your face, your neck is on white. And today's world is a lot less makeup than what 15 or 20 years ago was. But they're they control. They're the bosses of the clown. Some of the ringmaster so you don't mess with a white white face could tease another white face but the other levels cannot because they're at the top of  the pyramid. The next level is called a auguste, which is August with an E stands and for fool. That's what most people relate to because this is Carol Burnett, the Red Skeltons most clowns are, they're tripping over their own feet because the big shoes or just because they're clumsy. And they're in bright clothing or unit clothing but they're they're just fun. And so a lot of people like being fun and being happy. So a lot of clowns are auguste that's really the bulk of it. Count them as the least expensive get into as the most fun because it used to be just nuts. The lower level consists of the hobos and the tramps, and tramps are normally quiet. A lot of times our minds think of Charlie Chaplin, who never said anything in costume. And hobos. The legacy of Red Skelton when he's doing what he had actually had seven different characters. The hobo and the tramp, basically, he has white around their eyes and whitet around their mouth. And that's because they started around in United States both of this around the depression time. And during the Depression, a lot of men rode the rails and if you want to get a rail car once you usually get into it right behind the coal train Which means you got coal all over your face so they wiped their eyes to see and their mouth to eat and so that's why the eyes are white in the mouth are white because the coal dust. then I have my personal costume and I have I am an auguste character called Huckleberry and then I have a hobo and I also have a tramp and a fourth character which I think is hilarious but kids don't like I have do a female character in a gray wig with pink curlers on top. And it came with a butt, and I usually use that as my boobs, and of course, they're always adjusting their boobs. So the kids don't get that. That look adults think its hilarious.

KC Dempster  

Yeah, so so would your female character be auguste or would she be a tramp or hobo?

John Freeman  

Auguste, okay. I could make into either character, but it wouldn't work as well. Because think of a worse house dress your mother or grandmother ever wore. That's what you want to see me in. Yeah, I actually have fishnet stockings and I have little brown yarn that can stick in there for long hair if I really want to be over the top.

Ray Loewe  

So, so which one is your favorite?

John Freeman  

I prefer I prefer the tramp. But I they have me mostly as as a hobo. And if I if I really if I'm doing a lot of kids stuff, I'll come into my neon tux. And I'm an auguste character, which is a very bright looking character the do a lot of that in Mexican churches because they like to bright colors. And so it attracts a lot of attention. And so that's their favorite my favorites just rather be in the in the sideline, so the hobos and tramps fit my clown character better but I don't get to play very often.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, now Is there a difference in mood when you put on a different costumes? I may not do anything inside you?.

John Freeman  

Yeah, it's a start off with the nose, the nose. This is just a red foam nose. And they come smaller, but this is a big one. And KC's just smiling great big right now and Ray's just looking at me like I'm  crazy. But I carry these with me. And Ray and I used to meet in Chicago. And a lot of times where in the airport, you're sitting around with people that are just not having fun. They're waiting and grumpy and I pulled out red noses. And in the kids would look at you and some would want some. Some parents would say are you really nuts, but the fun people really thought they were great. So I handed out lots of red noses at O'Hare airport Yeah, this is a professional red nose. You'll see it'ss and I'll see ya is big. Then you have a little smaller nose. That's right there. So a lot of noses nowadays are just covering little peak here. A lot of women will have that here. This is cute. But when people think a clown to think of a red nose, they go to the eyes and the mouth for the red nose is is a signature piece of the clown thing. I'll be by getting dressed up if I'm dressed up in the auguste character, which is the neon tux and just think of bright yellow greens, oranges, pinks. In a full tux vest on etc. You're just you're there you're gonna be happy because people say "Oh Wow! It's a clown!"  Next start talking costume being a tramp. The mood changes Because tramps are sad. So what's the different Ray? What's the difference between a hobo and the tramp? In the answer is a hobo never had money at the depression. A trap had money and lost it. So the tramp's are melancholy. And hobos are happy because they're just, they're out of work, but they were out of work or poor before.

KC Dempster  

So Emmett Kelly, he always looked sad, but he didn't he wear white face.

John Freeman  

No, he was he had a he had a great black beard. All right. And there's only one picture of him smiling in costume, and that's for his granddaughter. Ah, for bet he basically sued the newspaper for printing it. Hmm. But if you go into a into a museum that has a lot of old black and white clown stuff, they may have that picture.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so so when you dress up first of all, how long does it take you to put on all this clown gear when you when you get moving?

John Freeman  

If you do full makeup, it's 40-45 minutes. I've had a good friend of mine the clowns a lot that he's an auguste and he's, he does everything blended. And he's literally working three, four days a week. It still takes him 40 minutes. Yeah, they take it takes 15-20 minutes, to get it off.

Ray Loewe  

So so if you're in a bad mood when you wake up in the morning, the concept of putting on full clown gear is not necessarily going to be what you want to do with the red nose work. So isn't that

John Freeman  

To be honest, take that a little more seriously. I have done early morning gigs. And you don't want to get out of bed and shower. As soon as you start getting into it. Your mood changes because you know you're going to be this other character. So automatically you're in that character and one of the rules of clowndom  is once you're made up, you're in character 24/ seven. So like one time I went to an ice cream parlor after I worked. And I wanted to take my hat my wig off because like 95 degrees out, I couldn't, because you would break the rules of clowndom. And people just think it's strange. If you're partial, you have to be full. But you're driving down the street with your hat on and your makeup on and red nose, either people, some people, we've actually had some people that just don't get it. And the people that don't get it, Ray, are having a hard time being happy.

Ray Loewe  

Yeah, and to some of them, you actually transform some of them. Yeah, but you can't get all of them, right.

John Freeman  

No, no. And as you find that out, whenever you do a gig, you're looking for the people that want to want to enjoy the show and want to enjoy you want to have fun, and they will occasionally pull their buddies around. It's really really funny when you do a kids one And the other parents in the way back the room and they're drinking coffee or some other drink they're not supposed to drink in front of kids, and they're ignoring you, but all sudden, they start getting pulled in. And I've been at some shows that I've had people go out get their, their husband or their wife back in from the pool, come back in and see the show, because that's how much they enjoyed the change.

Ray Loewe  

So two quick things. Does it make you happy to make other people happy?

John Freeman  

Yes. Yes, very much. So.

Ray Loewe  

Okay, so part of the process is in making other people happy, you become happy. That's a win win. And the other thing is, I think I'm gonna let this out. The size of the smiles is directly proportional to the

John Freeman  

size of the note.

This red nose here, brings on a great big smile on KC's face here. right here, which is just Just curious. I was okay. But it is not as much fun.

Ray Loewe  

So unfortunately john, we're at the end of our time over here, so we're gonna have to cut you off. But But thanks to john Freeman for being with us today and making us happy at least okay. And and john is very definitely one of the luckiest people in the world. I may have to put on his clown outfit to make it work, but whatever works, right, again, thanks. Thanks for being with us. And, KC, what do we have in store coming forward?

KC Dempster  

Well, I just want to remind everybody of what we said earlier, the luckiest people in the world aren't born lucky but they do live exciting and fulfilling lives. And it's because they make the commitment they they choose to be lucky. And it's not enough to make a one time commitment. You have to do it continually. It's it's a journey, and sometimes life events might derail you and we reach out with a rope of hope to them through our podcasts and some of the other things that we have to help them get out of that that Limbo of feeling unlucky. And so we love meeting new lucky people and sharing experiences and learning from the experts and adjusting their lives and Ray tell people how we help them to get lucky.

Ray Loewe  

We're just we're just going to scrap everything, you know, we're going to give out clown noses to everybody. I think after the show, I just think it's fascinating that you know, you can put on a nose it just changes your demeanor of the whole day. And, wow. Okay, so so john Freeman, one of the luckiest people in the world, again, has just figured out how to transform himself into happiness. And I think it's a really important lesson that we all need to have and we're going to get john he doesn't know that yet. But, but he's going to be at our our friends connection conference, the next time we do it. We're gonna hand out clown noses, and I have no idea what we're going to do, but it'll be a lot of fun. So, we'll see you guys next week, right?

KC Dempster  

Yes, join us for a great podcast when we're gonna have another one of the luckiest people in the world. So we'll see you then. Thank you for listening

Diane Dayton  

to changing the rules, a podcast designed to help you live your life the way you want, and give you what you need to make it happen. Join us in two weeks for our next exciting topics on changing the rules with KC Dempster and Ray love the luckiest guy in the world.