Chapped

Is this a Worst Foot Forward Products crossover?  Because we are inventing some revolutionary shit here today!

Hightlights:

Invention

Curtains

America's Cutest Chef

Tears

Greatest of All Time?  

No.  This time GOAT stands for the animal, for whom we have no famous association besides a symbol of hell.  So, if you know of any famous goats, please let us know.  

Get your hand turtles out, because we are gunna have a smashing good time.

Listening highlights:

Scooby Doo

Lentils and their worth compared to a life

Pee Pee Pipeline

My Cousin Dominic

This will be the last time!

Go to anchor.fm/lisadank for the rest!

Shouts out to my djinn Skiskerwah and archangel Mitzrael for joining me for this hot as lava play coverage of America's favorite knife making reality TV show, Forged in Fire.

That morning sunshine sure brought out a lot of fuck words this week.  What else would you expect for a totally bonkers, yet obviously pre-planned out finale, of the Grudge Match.  Who gives a shit about parts 2 and 3.

Talking points:

Marc v. Marc

A long noodle shot

The curse word bleeded out round the world

A paternity twister

BROUGHT TO YOU BY WORST FOOT FORWARD PRODUCTS!  THE MAKERS OF PENIS WHISKERS AND PENIS WHISKERS MAXXXX DEFENSE!

FROM THE MAKER OF CHAPPED - NOW AVAILABLE AT ANCHOR.FM/LISADANK

And we're back on track-lemore featuring a new episode with a totally acceptable amount on technical issues.  

Talking points:

Macklemore's mustache and its impact on fair skin red haired men everywhere

Blood

The Fart Funnel

Bringing Business Casual Back to the Kitchen

After a tragic lost episode and then a second episode taken to its grandpa's house, finally, to end 2020 we have Episode 20.  Not without it's sudden collapse of audio quality in the last three minutes.  My shoulder hurts, my eyes can't see but who gives a shit.  THIS IS CHOPPED.

Talking points:

2 Wedding rings

Trina - Is she the baddest bitch?

Gay Pride Brunch

And a lovely tribute to the Raiders, so obfuscated by the mic failure in the last few moments, I've felt the need to read you this poem now.

Welcome Back, Silver and Black

Is what we said, in Alameda, when the Raiders returned to Oakland.

Go to Hell Silver as well.

[We build Mount Davis, as high as a sky, but the Raiders still left us.

Black and Silver we tried.}

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU-LWmrwpp4

RIP EPISODE 18 - CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE TRIBUTE

Dear Listeners,

It is my grave fortune to announce that this week's recording became so corrupted by my recording software that continuity was lost, and out of respect for you, my dear listener, the jokes will be lost too.

As a result, please enjoy a brief tribute I made to the experience I had recording and editing half of episode 18 at CHAPPED.ROCKS

Talking points would have been:

Blood gang

Crypt gang

How beautiful Maneet looks in the light of day

My friend and professional snowboarder, Mr. Winfield

Thanks,

Juliane

Like Jake Paul fighting Nate Robinson, one of our contestants is set on proving that white can fight.  I don't know if he wins the episode but I do know there is a real special guest (three guests, actually) that make the desert round worth sticking around for.

Talking points

-A near fatal error

-Michael Ian Black

-Oats

Jokes are back!  In a classic two-take episode, we embrace challenging topics largely centered around blood and that sweet sweet hog.  I missed a great opportunity to make Puddle of Mud reference but other than that, we've got a really great show this week.  

Talking points:

- My friend, muralist, Kiri Leigh's father Arthur

- I give out the shows phone number +1*530*420*6909 and ask you guys to call me

- Mr. Jackson comes in the house

- Big Ham

This episode is dedicated to my listeners!  I am so honored you give me the time of day or night.