Per usual, the tabloids did NOT do their due diligence upon learning that Amy Schumer got married to a Wholebrity chef named Chris Fischer, so it was up to us to find out everything we could about him. Sure, it's not much, but it's something. The most important thing we learned about Chris Fischer? He went to preschool in a literal chicken coop.

Moving on, even MORE relationship news. Justin Theroux ('roux' rhymes with 'no' not 'you') is now a Who once more, thanks to his recent split from Jennifer Aniston. (But were they ever actually married to begin with?) Idris Elba is engaged to a Canadian who may or may not have an Instagram account. And--oops, never mind--we cut the segment about Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart. (Lucky you.)

Later:Julianne Hough dyed her hair.Lori Loughlin is trapped in the 20th century.Tara Lipinski loves almond milk.Bethenny Frankel thinks basil, cilantro, and parsley are interchangeable herbs.Rita set a record.*

*tied a record