CineJoust

Glad Tidings on this, the festive season (we hope).

This week we TACKLE Die Hard, Sam's favourite film of allllll time. a lovely edition to see you over Christmas and warm the COCKLES of your heart. Expect stories about dictators' wives' buying sandwich fillings, The worlds only Paul Blart: Mall Cop Appreciation Society and a discussion on favourite Christmas characters, which may or may not lead to some truly horrific impressions.

We're in the future for this episode. we don't know what it holds, all we hope is it holds us, and indeed all of you, very tightly.

Hope you get 15 packs of dishcloths for Christmas xx

Seasons Greetings from your friends at CineJoust.

Follow us everywhere @CineJoust | Email me pictures of your big toe with tinsel on it: [email protected].

Boiled Muck. Intro music supplied by SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*Spoilers*

Woah Baby!

Can we see your papers please, you shouldn't be out here, kid.

IT'S THE QUARANTINE SPECIAL, DARLIN'!

Wrap up the elderly and clean under your flaps. You all literally have nothing better to do for the next few weeks, so give us a listen.

We tackle the big virus issue, various shit films that are actually good and share our tried and tested tips and tricks of surviving mass infection (see title).

Combined, our girth is approx 5 inches in circumference. It really is enough to please if you just humour us and pretend.

If I had a guinea pig, I'd eat it.

Sending love and clean thoughts at this trying time.

 Onomatopoeia. Intro music supplied by SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*Spoilers baby*

So much on the plate here - I hope you had a light lunch, pretty lady!

We take on every relevant thing in the film world over the past few weeks with true vigor.

This episode is dedicated to Brad's Dad - Wherever he may be.

Come round my house and tell me folk tales in the style of Brahms and I'll feed you chocolate gum drops.

Remember, don't let your kids microwave your shed keys - it never ends well.

Email me your favourite incarnation of Pope and why he was the best molester.

Succulence. Intro music supplied by SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*Spoilers, but not all of them, darlin'*

Howdy, Pardner. Where'd ya leave your steed, youngin?

We tackle some musings on life and what may be when we snuff it.

Lets remember the childhood joy of playing the Xylophone and that wooden ridged block.

Did you piss in the sand box? I  know Brad did.

Put us on whilst you go in the shower, see if that does anything for ya.

Sending Love and Sunny Delight.

Hugs and kisses from Freda and the family xoxoxoxo. Intro music suppleid by SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*Spoilers*

Back once again with the ill behavior - we're taking on the big world issues today - favourite toasties and why.

We talk about strange celebrity interactions and get all lubed up to get into some slippery discussion on the dark knight himself.

sit back and relax and count the amount of times Brad says 'oh nelly'.

Email us illegal streams to boxing matches: [email protected]

LEVITY. Intro music supplied by SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*Spoilers* - not the sort on the back of your alcoholic uncle's bike.

Prepare your ears for a deep dive into the surreal.

We're scranning, talking and violating Bradley. Expect Madeleine McCann - Auteur Filmmaker, Brad Aaron Hedley - Honorary Pensioner and Big Ronnie - Murderer?

If you like hypothetical discussions about taking on a Mail-Order Bride at a ripe old age with three children left from your widowed marriage who are active detractors of the set-up and how this impacts your then-life, then this is the episode you've been waiting for.

LETS GET GREASY.

WE LOVES YA.

FOR £1 BRAD WILL READ YOU A WORK OF FICTION UNTIL YOU FALL ASLEEP.

Sacajawea.

 Intro music supplied by the beautiful SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*spoilers to a degree*

We cover the aforementioned, birds of prey, parasite and pour a barrage of shit onto Baz Luhrmann and his horrible choices.

Teachers being used as toilets, Spielberg making complete toilet and all of us really needing the toilet.

If you want to buy us an Easter present, were all LARGE in boxer-briefs. x

Enjoy this, it hits the spot, but we would say that.

Epilogue. Intro music supplied by the beautiful SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*ONE SPOILER AS MILD AS A CHILD'S KORMA*

Hello,

I hope this message finds you well.

I have been trapped in a recording studio watching Judy Finnegan Present National Television Awards For The Past 22 Years.

We talk about religion, Uncles and boobies.

Listen closely and you'll hear Keith Chegwin moaning the theme tune to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!!!!

tALK TO YOU L8R BAB XOXO

Espionage. Intro music supplied by SniffItBigTime (https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4)

*brief 1917 spoiler that arguably effects the film the most*

The Battle of the two reviews for you.

Three episodes, one week, three gentlemen, two sopping ear holes to receive it in. LUCKY. DUCKS.

A quick rundown of 1917, with an impromptu dabble in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.

We tell Roger Deaky off for being a naughty cinematographer and bask in the glory of Mr. Tarantino's luscious foots.

This is nice and friendly. we aren't scared. Are You?

Blancmange. Intro music by SniffItBigTime: https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4

*SPOILERS? NAH-AH. NOT IN THIS PARISH, DARLIN'*

Hello. are you lonely? we are. collectively. three big lads taking on four little women. GADZOOKS!

We're rough, raw (don't shoot in that format) and ready.

Expect some musings on our friendly cinema meerkat pals and their desires and our anger at a distinct lack of small sized women in the picture.

Love ya like Casper loved his goal post.

MUCKY MUCKY DIRTY STUFF. Intro music by SniffItBigTime: https://youtu.be/qaaspWTc0n4