Citizen's Guide To The Supernormal

Let’s start with a joke. A guy goes into a therapist’s office, “Doc, I think I might have a problem.” The therapist says, “Okay, have a seat. I’m going to show you some ink blot pictures. Tell me what you you see.” The guy sits down and the doctor shows him the first ink blot. “Well Doc, it looks like a man and woman having sex.” The doctor nods. “And this one?” The man gets even more uncomfortable. “Well, I think that’s a man having sex 3 women.” The therapist raises his eyebrow, “And what about this one?” The man, noticeably uncomfortable shifts in his seat, “Damn Doc, that’s a picture of a man in a gimp suit and a watermelon.” The therapist clears his throat, “Okay, I think you’re obsessed with sex.” The man gets angry and stands up. “Obsessed with sex? You’re the one drawing all the dirty pictures!”

The Salem Witch Trials conjure up images of primitive minds terribly afraid of non-sensical superstition. People often look back at that moment in history with dismissive head shakes; lamenting the folly of an unenlightened and archaic society escaping persecution only to embrace it in a utopia of their own creation. On it’s face, they wouldn’t be wrong in assuming that. However, as with most things in life, the story is not that simple.

McCarthy was an unremarkable freshman senator. He was desperate to make a name for himself. His invention of a perilous communist threat within the government at the time was nothing more than a shameless attempt to build his reputation. With little more that his word to go on, hundreds of lives were deeply affected by McCarthy’s modern day witch hunt.

The Satanic panic had a more nebulous founding. While much can be said about “Michelle Remembers”, the most well known book about so-called “Satanic Ritual Abuse”, you can’t really point to any single asshole and say, “that guy started it”. There were a number of factors that brought about the nonsensical obsession with satanic crime. Conservative Christian values pushed by TV personalities such as Billy Graham, Jimmy Swaggert, Jim Bakker, Jerry Falwell, and Pat Robertson had ensnared Americans into believing there was a threat from the devil. Meanwhile, charlatans and buffoons with made up degrees from mail order universities did their level best to become experts in a phenomenon that didn’t actually exist. Finally, ignorance of Heavy Metal music and The Church of Satan provided smoke to the invented fire. These and other factors led to high profile cases like the McMartin trial and the wrongful convictions of Jesse Misskelly, Jason Baldwin, and Damian Eckles, known collectively as the West Memphis Three, in addition to many more less publicized errors in justice.

Similarly, there were ulterior motives in the Salem Witch Trials. We will discuss some of these motives in the episode. What I want to end this blog on, is the undiscussed victims of these three horrible periods in American history. When all was said and done, a line was drawn between the known victims and the obvious perpetrators. What is less often acknowledged are the average people who were duped into believing that there were real witches, real communists, and real devil worshippers. While the first two threats are, at this point, largely laughed off as the mistakes of history, the final moment, the Satanic Panic, is still alive and well in America. People are still convinced that satanism is a dangerous threat to mankind. YouTube is packed full of videos where breathless fearmongers engage in one-sided warfare against a threat that simply doesn’t exist. They blame the Illuminati, The Globalists, Marylin Manson, and one woman even believes that Monster Energy Drink is a dog whistle to Luciferians everywhere. It’s important that we don’t feed into this lunacy. Ultimately we need to realize that they’re no different from the sex obsessed man from the joke, and we’re the ones “drawing all the dirty pictures”.

Let’s start with a joke. A guy goes into a therapist’s office, “Doc, I think I might have a problem.” The therapist says, “Okay, have a seat. I’m going to show you some ink blot pictures. Tell me what you you see.” The guy sits down and the doctor shows him the first ink blot. “Well Doc, it looks like a man and woman having sex.” The doctor nods. “And this one?” The man gets even more uncomfortable. “Well, I think that’s a man having sex 3 women.” The therapist raises his eyebrow, “And what about this one?” The man, noticeably uncomfortable shifts in his seat, “Damn Doc, that’s a picture of a man in a gimp suit and a watermelon.” The therapist clears his throat, “Okay, I think you’re obsessed with sex.” The man gets angry and stands up. “Obsessed with sex? You’re the one drawing all the dirty pictures!”

The Salem Witch Trials conjure up images of primitive minds terribly afraid of non-sensical superstition. People often look back at that moment in history with dismissive head shakes; lamenting the folly of an unenlightened and archaic society escaping persecution only to embrace it in a utopia of their own creation. On it’s face, they wouldn’t be wrong in assuming that. However, as with most things in life, the story is not that simple.

McCarthy was an unremarkable freshman senator. He was desperate to make a name for himself. His invention of a perilous communist threat within the government at the time was nothing more than a shameless attempt to build his reputation. With little more that his word to go on, hundreds of lives were deeply affected by McCarthy’s modern day witch hunt.

The Satanic panic had a more nebulous founding. While much can be said about “Michelle Remembers”, the most well known book about so-called “Satanic Ritual Abuse”, you can’t really point to any single asshole and say, “that guy started it”. There were a number of factors that brought about the nonsensical obsession with satanic crime. Conservative Christian values pushed by TV personalities such as Billy Graham, Jimmy Swaggert, Jim Bakker, Jerry Falwell, and Pat Robertson had ensnared Americans into believing there was a threat from the devil. Meanwhile, charlatans and buffoons with made up degrees from mail order universities did their level best to become experts in a phenomenon that didn’t actually exist. Finally, ignorance of Heavy Metal music and The Church of Satan provided smoke to the invented fire. These and other factors led to high profile cases like the McMartin trial and the wrongful convictions of Jesse Misskelly, Jason Baldwin, and Damian Eckles, known collectively as the West Memphis Three, in addition to many more less publicized errors in justice.

Similarly, there were ulterior motives in the Salem Witch Trials. We will discuss some of these motives in the episode. What I want to end this blog on, is the undiscussed victims of these three horrible periods in American history. When all was said and done, a line was drawn between the known victims and the obvious perpetrators. What is less often acknowledged are the average people who were duped into believing that there were real witches, real communists, and real devil worshippers. While the first two threats are, at this point, largely laughed off as the mistakes of history, the final moment, the Satanic Panic, is still alive and well in America. People are still convinced that satanism is a dangerous threat to mankind. YouTube is packed full of videos where breathless fearmongers engage in one-sided warfare against a threat that simply doesn’t exist. They blame the Illuminati, The Globalists, Marylin Manson, and one woman even believes that Monster Energy Drink is a dog whistle to Luciferians everywhere. It’s important that we don’t feed into this lunacy. Ultimately we need to realize that they’re no different from the sex obsessed man from the joke, and we’re the ones “drawing all the dirty pictures”.

This is Part 1 of our episode about the Salem Witch Trials.

Episode 4, The Salem Witch Trials: This Actually What A Witch Hunt Looks Like.

Welcome back to the CGS blog. This is another big episode for us. So big in fact that we had to make it a two part series. We originally decided on the idea for this show in mid-October because it was Halloween and we were feeling spooky. What’s spookier than archaic beliefs leading to mob mentalities and the death of innocent men and women based on ignorance and superstition? This, my friends, is a witch hunt.

The word witch hunt has been thrown around a lot in the last two years. It’s not the first time in American history that this has happened. Many people saw similarities between the 1692 Massachusetts Bay colonies Witch Trials and the “Red Scare” of the late 1940 into the mid 1950s. The similarities were so great, in fact that legendary playwright, Arthur Miller took a cue from a German contemporary named Lion Feuchtwanger, who also drew correlations between the European Red Scare and the Salem Witch Trials (look up the play “The Devil In Boston”) and wrote his own allegory, titled “The Crucible”. For those of you who aren’t familiar, the Red Scare was period in American history when the fear of Communists infiltrating our government was at a fever pitch. This collective fear, led to notable Shitbag Joseph McCarthy claiming he had a list of 205 communist party member within the US Department of State. What he actually had was a blank piece of paper and a dream.

More Recently, in the 1980s through the 1990s, we had another version of a witch hunt. This has been dubbed “The Satanic Panic”. Kicked off by the largely discredited book, “Michelle Remembers”, law enforcement agencies across the US took criminal activity and viewed it through a lens of “satanic ritual abuse”. This nonsense led to false witness statements coerced out of young children and false confessions forced out of people without the means to protect themselves from the onslaught of allegations, ruined reputations, and the weight of the federal, state, and local governments. You don’t have to take my word for it. Look up The West Memphis Three and the McMartin Trial for a glimpse into the lasting damage of religious fervor coupled with conmen and shear ignorance.

This is not a political podcast. Naturally, we all have political leanings based on our own personal opinions. Speaking for myself, anyone who has heard me talk knows I am not an authority on any subject, especially with respect to the affairs of state. However, the term “witch hunt” inspires feelings of baseless accusations, ruined reputations, ruined lives, and even death. I think it’s important that we are careful when we use the phrase “witch hunt”. When we apply it to legitimate investigations that result in evidence based convictions, we dilute the meaning of the term and that is a disservice to the memory of everyone who has suffered as a result of these insidious, historical examples. Thank you for checking us out and I hope you enjoy the show.

This is Part 1 of our episode about the Salem Witch Trials.

Episode 4, The Salem Witch Trials: This Actually What A Witch Hunt Looks Like.

Welcome back to the CGS blog. This is another big episode for us. So big in fact that we had to make it a two part series. We originally decided on the idea for this show in mid-October because it was Halloween and we were feeling spooky. What’s spookier than archaic beliefs leading to mob mentalities and the death of innocent men and women based on ignorance and superstition? This, my friends, is a witch hunt.

The word witch hunt has been thrown around a lot in the last two years. It’s not the first time in American history that this has happened. Many people saw similarities between the 1692 Massachusetts Bay colonies Witch Trials and the “Red Scare” of the late 1940 into the mid 1950s. The similarities were so great, in fact that legendary playwright, Arthur Miller took a cue from a German contemporary named Lion Feuchtwanger, who also drew correlations between the European Red Scare and the Salem Witch Trials (look up the play “The Devil In Boston”) and wrote his own allegory, titled “The Crucible”. For those of you who aren’t familiar, the Red Scare was period in American history when the fear of Communists infiltrating our government was at a fever pitch. This collective fear, led to notable Shitbag Joseph McCarthy claiming he had a list of 205 communist party member within the US Department of State. What he actually had was a blank piece of paper and a dream.

More Recently, in the 1980s through the 1990s, we had another version of a witch hunt. This has been dubbed “The Satanic Panic”. Kicked off by the largely discredited book, “Michelle Remembers”, law enforcement agencies across the US took criminal activity and viewed it through a lens of “satanic ritual abuse”. This nonsense led to false witness statements coerced out of young children and false confessions forced out of people without the means to protect themselves from the onslaught of allegations, ruined reputations, and the weight of the federal, state, and local governments. You don’t have to take my word for it. Look up The West Memphis Three and the McMartin Trial for a glimpse into the lasting damage of religious fervor coupled with conmen and shear ignorance.

This is not a political podcast. Naturally, we all have political leanings based on our own personal opinions. Speaking for myself, anyone who has heard me talk knows I am not an authority on any subject, especially with respect to the affairs of state. However, the term “witch hunt” inspires feelings of baseless accusations, ruined reputations, ruined lives, and even death. I think it’s important that we are careful when we use the phrase “witch hunt”. When we apply it to legitimate investigations that result in evidence based convictions, we dilute the meaning of the term and that is a disservice to the memory of everyone who has suffered as a result of these insidious, historical examples. Thank you for checking us out and I hope you enjoy the show.

This is Part 2 of our Dyatlov Pass Episode.

Episode 3, USSR You Ready For Part 2

Welcome back to the CGS Blog. In our last episode we discussed the gruesome deaths of 9 hikers, killed mysteriously deep in the Ural Mountains. Admittedly, the episode was a little dry. We covered the timeline and the people involved. Officially, we wanted to get the details out of the way so episode two could focus completely on the theories. In reality, we tried recording two shows in one night and let me tell you, it was a dismal failure. Sometimes, ambition gets the better of us so we decided to scale back our rate of production, rerecord episode three and hopefully make someone other than us laugh. Thanks for sticking with us.

So, with that out of the way, here we are at our second part of Dyatlov Pass. There are loads of theories out there as to why these people died. There is even more speculation as the notorious secrecy of the Soviet Union clamped down on the story. If we have learned anything from the 24 hour news cycle in the United States, in the absence of facts, facts are created. Just as necessity is the mother of invention, a lack of information is the father of speculation. To date no one has definitively cracked this case and we are probably no closer to answers now than the Soviet investigators were then.

Based purely on my own humble opinion, I have some idea as to why this enduring mystery is so hard to figure out. I believe that human beings are prolific problem solvers. The trick is, I believe that by nature, we often seek the simplest solution. This is beneficial when you need to figure out how to find a place to hide before a Mastodon stomps your prehistoric family into oblivion. However, when a problem becomes complex, like the brutal death of nine hikers with no smoking gun, it’s unlikely that there is a simple answer. Here we are, almost 60 years out, baffled by what the investigators of the time called “…an unknown compelling force”. Many people seek the simple answer, like military tests, ball lightning, or infrasound. Rarely do people consider a combination of ideas to find an explanation. In this episode, we explore the possibility that a number of contributing factors lead to one of the most compelling mysteries in Russian history.

Full disclosure, CGS Podcast has one purpose, to entertain. We are not going to solve this mystery. We had no intention of it. There are people who have spent thousands of hours researching this topic. We had a few weeks. What you’ll hear in this episode is a collection of theories, what those theories mean, and what we think might have happened. Anyway, we hope you love the show. We hope you laugh. We hope you learn a little bit and if you feel like helping us out, by a t-shirt right here on www.thebrandedsports.com or subscribe to our Patreon at www.patreon.com/sargethedestroyer.

This is Part 2 of our Dyatlov Pass Episode.

Episode 3, USSR You Ready For Part 2

Welcome back to the CGS Blog. In our last episode we discussed the gruesome deaths of 9 hikers, killed mysteriously deep in the Ural Mountains. Admittedly, the episode was a little dry. We covered the timeline and the people involved. Officially, we wanted to get the details out of the way so episode two could focus completely on the theories. In reality, we tried recording two shows in one night and let me tell you, it was a dismal failure. Sometimes, ambition gets the better of us so we decided to scale back our rate of production, rerecord episode three and hopefully make someone other than us laugh. Thanks for sticking with us.

So, with that out of the way, here we are at our second part of Dyatlov Pass. There are loads of theories out there as to why these people died. There is even more speculation as the notorious secrecy of the Soviet Union clamped down on the story. If we have learned anything from the 24 hour news cycle in the United States, in the absence of facts, facts are created. Just as necessity is the mother of invention, a lack of information is the father of speculation. To date no one has definitively cracked this case and we are probably no closer to answers now than the Soviet investigators were then.

Based purely on my own humble opinion, I have some idea as to why this enduring mystery is so hard to figure out. I believe that human beings are prolific problem solvers. The trick is, I believe that by nature, we often seek the simplest solution. This is beneficial when you need to figure out how to find a place to hide before a Mastodon stomps your prehistoric family into oblivion. However, when a problem becomes complex, like the brutal death of nine hikers with no smoking gun, it’s unlikely that there is a simple answer. Here we are, almost 60 years out, baffled by what the investigators of the time called “…an unknown compelling force”. Many people seek the simple answer, like military tests, ball lightning, or infrasound. Rarely do people consider a combination of ideas to find an explanation. In this episode, we explore the possibility that a number of contributing factors lead to one of the most compelling mysteries in Russian history.

Full disclosure, CGS Podcast has one purpose, to entertain. We are not going to solve this mystery. We had no intention of it. There are people who have spent thousands of hours researching this topic. We had a few weeks. What you’ll hear in this episode is a collection of theories, what those theories mean, and what we think might have happened. Anyway, we hope you love the show. We hope you laugh. We hope you learn a little bit and if you feel like helping us out, by a t-shirt right here on www.thebrandedsports.com or subscribe to our Patreon at www.patreon.com/sargethedestroyer.

This is part one of our Dyatlov Pass episode. It gets better.

Episode 2: USSR You Afraid Of The Dark?

If there is ever a searing indictment on the dangers of hiking, Dyatlov Pass is it. One guy fucking quit before it even started. The whole ordeal starts when 9 people enter the woods and it ends when no one survives. I don’t want to spoil the episode but that is a fucking understatement, you guys. In all seriousness, these poor victims succumbed to a horrible death and there is nothing funny about that. Believe me, we really tried to find some humor but I mean, this is just what happened to their fucking tent:

Looks guys, as your friendly neighborhood War Vet, I feel compelled to impart some knowledge gleaned from my own personal experience because I’ve seen some pretty hairy situations. The first lesson you learn in those situations is to avoid things that are obviously trying to kill you, whenever possible. You don’t have to be a soldier to know that few things want you dead more than a Russian mountain in January. Along the way, multiple people told the leader of this group, Igor Dyatlov, “don’t go up that fucking mountain, dude” (not a literal translation). In spite of these dire warnings, Igor chose to lead his team to their untimely deaths. You’ll find that while we know how this group died, we will never know what killed them and that is why, nearly 60 years later, this story is so compelling. Add to it, some good old fashion USSR Iron Curtain cover-ups and hot damn, our imaginations running wild. In Episode 3, we’ll explore some reasonable theories and naturally, Maynerd will go off the rails. Hopefully, this time, it’s not Nazis.

As a final note, in researching this story, I was reminded of all those who chose to do things that are dangerous for no better reason than, to quote Sir Edmund Hillary (first white guy to Climb Everest), “Because it’s there”. We often romanticize those willing to risk life and limb when they survive. Just as frequently, we speak of the dead in hushed tones. We revere them as heroes struck down in their prime. Seldom do we ask ourselves, “was it really necessary?” While Magellan was beheaded, because of him, someone still circumnavigated the globe (or flat disk, depending on whether you’re a moron or not). In this story, however, no major scientific breakthroughs would have been made. No rare species of animal were likely to be discovered. In all likelihood, nothing of consequence would have come from the completion of this bullshit vanity project, other than everyone at the Soviet Era mining factory rolling their eyes as Igor regaled them with stories about the time he wrote “War and Peace”, in the snow, with his rapidly freezing urine.

So the next time, a guy like Felix Baumgartner does his level best to avoid turning into the world’s fastest, people-shaped crater or some dipshit tries to prove the earth is flat with a steam-powered-moron-missile, ask yourself, “was it really necessary”. Enjoy the show.

Respectfully,

Sarge

P.S. Special thanks to the tireless research from James @freetheproles.

This is part one of our Dyatlov Pass episode. It gets better.

Episode 2: USSR You Afraid Of The Dark?

If there is ever a searing indictment on the dangers of hiking, Dyatlov Pass is it. One guy fucking quit before it even started. The whole ordeal starts when 9 people enter the woods and it ends when no one survives. I don’t want to spoil the episode but that is a fucking understatement, you guys. In all seriousness, these poor victims succumbed to a horrible death and there is nothing funny about that. Believe me, we really tried to find some humor but I mean, this is just what happened to their fucking tent:

Looks guys, as your friendly neighborhood War Vet, I feel compelled to impart some knowledge gleaned from my own personal experience because I’ve seen some pretty hairy situations. The first lesson you learn in those situations is to avoid things that are obviously trying to kill you, whenever possible. You don’t have to be a soldier to know that few things want you dead more than a Russian mountain in January. Along the way, multiple people told the leader of this group, Igor Dyatlov, “don’t go up that fucking mountain, dude” (not a literal translation). In spite of these dire warnings, Igor chose to lead his team to their untimely deaths. You’ll find that while we know how this group died, we will never know what killed them and that is why, nearly 60 years later, this story is so compelling. Add to it, some good old fashion USSR Iron Curtain cover-ups and hot damn, our imaginations running wild. In Episode 3, we’ll explore some reasonable theories and naturally, Maynerd will go off the rails. Hopefully, this time, it’s not Nazis.

As a final note, in researching this story, I was reminded of all those who chose to do things that are dangerous for no better reason than, to quote Sir Edmund Hillary (first white guy to Climb Everest), “Because it’s there”. We often romanticize those willing to risk life and limb when they survive. Just as frequently, we speak of the dead in hushed tones. We revere them as heroes struck down in their prime. Seldom do we ask ourselves, “was it really necessary?” While Magellan was beheaded, because of him, someone still circumnavigated the globe (or flat disk, depending on whether you’re a moron or not). In this story, however, no major scientific breakthroughs would have been made. No rare species of animal were likely to be discovered. In all likelihood, nothing of consequence would have come from the completion of this bullshit vanity project, other than everyone at the Soviet Era mining factory rolling their eyes as Igor regaled them with stories about the time he wrote “War and Peace”, in the snow, with his rapidly freezing urine.

So the next time, a guy like Felix Baumgartner does his level best to avoid turning into the world’s fastest, people-shaped crater or some dipshit tries to prove the earth is flat with a steam-powered-moron-missile, ask yourself, “was it really necessary”. Enjoy the show.

Respectfully,

Sarge

P.S. Special thanks to the tireless research from James @freetheproles.

This is the first episode of The Citizen's Guide To The Supernormal!

In a dark, weirdly decorated south eastern Massachusetts basement, 3 people sat drunk and bleary eyed, considering the next step after the anticlimactic end of their first podcast. The sun had set for Misguided Musings after 50ish episodes. Jordan, Maynerd, and I were disappointed but not yet ready to give up on the possibility of continuing to entertain literally tens of people with humor, insight, and childish sexual references that aren’t safe for work and most Arby’s restrooms.

Suddenly, Maynerd spoke up. “Can I pee in your back yard?” That’s when inspiration hit (looking back, I realize that these events are unrelated). The reason our last show failed, aside from leaving an already established network to create our own with disastrous results, was because we had no structure. While Seinfeld thrived on being a show about nothing, they were the exception to the rule. We needed an actual topic, actual research, and something actually remotely interesting.

As Maynerd returned from defiling my wife’s vegetable garden, I noticed his t-shirt, emblazoned with a cartoonish depiction of a semi-nude Alex Jones making sweet love to a Yeti. I knew what our show was going to be about. Three months, and 14.8 million beers later, Citizen’s Guide To The Supernormal was born. The only thing we were missing was a network. Given our past failures, we knew we couldn’t go it alone. That’s when I met the team from Branded Sports and even though they had no reason to suspect I had any talent, whatsoever, they allowed my team and I the chance at marginal success.

After a further seven months of negotiations, numerous fist fights, and two oddly erotic Donkey Shows that Maynerd insisted we attend for research purposes, we reached an agreement. Today’s release is the cumulation of a lot of hard work and dedication from our tireless producer, Jordan. He took 45 minutes of drunken rambling and made a show out of it. We’re excited to release our first episode, aptly titled “The Moon, The Myth, The Legend”. I hope you’ll give it a listen and if you like it, give us a review. If you don’t like it, that’s okay, lots of people don’t recognize brilliance right away. Thank you for your time and remember, anything is bite size of you’re committed to excellence.

Love,

Sarge

This is the first episode of The Citizen's Guide To The Supernormal!

In a dark, weirdly decorated south eastern Massachusetts basement, 3 people sat drunk and bleary eyed, considering the next step after the anticlimactic end of their first podcast. The sun had set for Misguided Musings after 50ish episodes. Jordan, Maynerd, and I were disappointed but not yet ready to give up on the possibility of continuing to entertain literally tens of people with humor, insight, and childish sexual references that aren’t safe for work and most Arby’s restrooms.

Suddenly, Maynerd spoke up. “Can I pee in your back yard?” That’s when inspiration hit (looking back, I realize that these events are unrelated). The reason our last show failed, aside from leaving an already established network to create our own with disastrous results, was because we had no structure. While Seinfeld thrived on being a show about nothing, they were the exception to the rule. We needed an actual topic, actual research, and something actually remotely interesting.

As Maynerd returned from defiling my wife’s vegetable garden, I noticed his t-shirt, emblazoned with a cartoonish depiction of a semi-nude Alex Jones making sweet love to a Yeti. I knew what our show was going to be about. Three months, and 14.8 million beers later, Citizen’s Guide To The Supernormal was born. The only thing we were missing was a network. Given our past failures, we knew we couldn’t go it alone. That’s when I met the team from Branded Sports and even though they had no reason to suspect I had any talent, whatsoever, they allowed my team and I the chance at marginal success.

After a further seven months of negotiations, numerous fist fights, and two oddly erotic Donkey Shows that Maynerd insisted we attend for research purposes, we reached an agreement. Today’s release is the cumulation of a lot of hard work and dedication from our tireless producer, Jordan. He took 45 minutes of drunken rambling and made a show out of it. We’re excited to release our first episode, aptly titled “The Moon, The Myth, The Legend”. I hope you’ll give it a listen and if you like it, give us a review. If you don’t like it, that’s okay, lots of people don’t recognize brilliance right away. Thank you for your time and remember, anything is bite size of you’re committed to excellence.

Love,

Sarge