Clamshell Case Files

Did you want to be an astronaut when you were a kid? Did you dream of building your own spaceship out of used carnival parts? Did you wish you could share an airtight bubble with River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke in the cold depths of space? Did you fantasize about making out with large, green aliens with weirdly human lips? No? So, just us then? Oh well, you should listen to this episode where we talk about Joe Dante’s Explorers anyway. There may even be some appearances by some Clamshell Case favorites!

Cybersecurity expert Angela Bennet (America’s Actual Sweetheart Sandra Bullock) was minding her own business, ordering a digital slice from pizza.net and just finding a few bugs in Wolfenstein 3D when she discovered the site for Mozart’s Ghost (if you haven’t heard, they’re the hottest band on the internet). She had no idea it would lead to a group of evil hackers stealing her life and sending her into the arms of Dennis Miller (a fate worse than death, really). The most shocking thing? Our legally-not-now-nor-has-he-ever-been-a-hacker guest John Crawford says it holds up incredibly well! Yes that means what you think it means... Mark Zuckerberg is driving you right into the hands of Dennis Miller!

This past year brought some serious discussions about ethics in science, when a group of researchers claimed to have created the first gene-edited, CRISPR baby. But where was the scientific community 25 years ago, when a young Gary and Wyatt hacked a government computer system, scanned in some nudie pics, and Frankensteined an older woman with magic lightning powers into existence. All this and inappropriate touching, as we talk about the John Hughes comedy Weird Science.

Jarrod Staples joins us again, this time not to recount a near tragedy but to talk turtles, of the teenage and mutant variety. Who wouldn’t be inspired by four giant foam latex suits that eat pizza, carry around deadly weapons, hang out in the sewers and say “damn” a lot?

Did you like Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and Pee-Wee’s Playhouse? Well, get ready for a movie that’s nothing like either of those things, as entitled man-child Pee-Wee Herman joins the circus, cheats on his fiancée, demands immediate sandwiches, grows hot dogs on a tree and eats bacon in front of his sapient pig friend. Oh, Benicio Del Toro plays a “dog boy” and Kris Kristofferson is a wise and kind Ringmaster? And there is a lot of implied sex? This movie is...something else.

Content Warning: This movie has an intense attempted sexual assault that we talk about throughout the episode.

It’s the story of a girl (Marisa Tomei) who is unlucky in love, is a die-hard Minnesota North Stars fan in 1993 and falls for a boy (Christian Slater) with a heart defect. I assume everything is going to work out for the best here, isn’t it? If you’re a fan of incredibly awkward silences, inappropriate touching, stalking, hockey, and cigarettes, then you’re listening to the right podcast!

It’s Monday morning so you know what that means... it’s a good day to die! Also, the newest episode of Clamshell Case Files! This week, do you want to watch beautiful people kill themselves only to be brought back to life over and over just to get a hit of that hot new club drug... DEATH? Well check out Keifer Sutherland, Julia Roberts, Kevin Bacon, Billy Baldwin and Oliver Platt in Flatliners with us!

The year is 1994. Homelessness in Seattle is on the rise and a group of Academy Award, Emmy and Golden Globe winners and nominees convene in the woods to hunt the most dangerous game... Ice-T! Rutger Hauer, Charles S. Dutton, F. Murray Abraham and John C. McGuinley all show up and do what they can in this insane adaptation of The Most Dangerous Game. Come for the hunt, stay for the tale of Prince Henry Stout.

We’re closing the book on 2019 in style, by introducing a brand-new meter to the podcast. This week, Bridget talks about the very special feelings she has about Disney’s adaptation of The Three Musketeers. This episode has it all. Swashbuckling (kind of)! Romance (kind of)! Tim Curry (definitely)! Celebrity stalking! Bridget having a complete breakdown! Say hello to 2020 with some of your favorite friends, like...Mopey? And Poncho?

You know Dasher and Dancer and etc., etc. But do you recall, the time when Santa was a self-obsessed slave driver concerned only with outer beauty? Of course you do, because it’s the plot of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, that Rankin/Bass holiday classic that has reinforced gender stereotypes and bizarrely sadistic dental practices for generations! There’s a lot to dig into for the crew this week, so join them as they talk about North Pole labor practices, the ethical implications of Reindeer Games, and whether or not Mrs. Clause is trying to slowly poison Santa. Listeners, with your ears so bright, won’t you join our podcast tonight?