Everyone knows the story of Santa Claus. The kind, old toymaker who dies and is resurrected by a band of all-male, sensual elves, who enslave the old man and force him to work unceasingly for centuries. Well, that’s what we thought Santa Claus: The Movie was about, anyway. That’s without getting into a homeless street scamp, the evil toymaker under congressional pressure to clean up his act and the North Pole drug trade. You will believe Nannies can fly...on dust.

Here at Clamshell Case Files, we have a loose definition of “Holiday Movie.” While The Seventh Sign isn’t about the birth of Jesus, he is the “reason for the season.” And he certainly, kind of, sort of appears in this “film”, along with Demi Moore and Michael Beihn. In true holiday movie fashion, this one irrevocably scarred Bridget. The Guf (Duff?) floweth over this episode!

Deadbeat dads, the stars of all manner of 90s entertainment, take center stage this week in the holiday nightmare, Jingle All the Way, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad. Questionable parenting? Mail bombs? Illegal underground Santa’s workshop full of hot toys? Twin Cities housewives so desperate that Phil Hartman has become some kind of suburban Lothario? Join us to find out which one of these things will ruin Christmas (it’s got to be mail bombs, right?).

This week, Old Men Yell at Cloud co-host Jim Schultz joins the crew to talk about an animated film with a questionable caste system for anthropomorphized household objects. It’s the Brave Little Toaster! Did you think we were talking about that other animated franchise about inanimate objects that come to life? Come on, that franchise has THREE successful sequels. We’re only here to talk about the franchise with TWO straight-to-home video sequels that Matt almost accidentally rented instead of the original. That’s how they get you!

Are you ready for the number one television show in the whole wide world? That’s right, the year is 2019, the country is falling apart, and it’s time for it’s The Running Man, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, María Conchita Alonso, and Richard Dawson. Who could imagine a world where the police murder innocent civilians, the most famous person in the world is a game show host and the president has an agent? Oh…

This week, a group of 20-something high schoolers and a future clown prince of crime are sent hurtling into space by an overpriced robot. It’s SpaceCamp! Released just months after the Challenger disaster, it bombed at the box office. But that didn’t stop it from traumatizing Bridget. Are you ready to be a friend...for-ev-errrrrrr?

This week, Midnight Madness starts to get to you. It doesn’t matter what you say. It doesn’t matter what you do. Midnight Madness is... inevitable. You cannot ignore the unwanted child Disney kept in the vault. Even Michael J. Fox’s first film role couldn’t save this film from relative obscurity. But dear listeners, come play a brand new game with us... that’s really not a new game at all, it’s... just a poorly designed scavenger hunt.

Have you ever looked at a clown and thought, “Yes. Behind that white makeup is just a conscienceless killer looking to turn me into cotton candy and feast on my gooey innards?” Well do we have the movie that confirms your greatest fears...with laughter! The Chiodo Brothers kult klassic, Killer Klowns from Outer Space! The crew talks about the bad acting and wonderful effects in this movie from Matt and Quintin’s childhood.

This week, we venture into the dark heart of New England and enter Hill House to talk about the 1963 Robert Wise horror classic, The Haunting. Does the crew have the preternatural skills to solve what is vexing Eleanor, Dr. Markway, and the rest of the cast? Join #TeamTheo and find out!

Now it’s time for Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Now it’s time for Halloween’s dis-liked se-quel! That’s right kids! It’s time, time for Clamshell Case Files to talk about Halloween III: Season of the Witch. The Halloween sequel that didn’t feature Michael Myers and was instead about killer latex masks. So put on your mask and plug in your earbuds and listen! Listen! Liiiiiiisssssteeeeeeen!