Closing Time Podcast

We have a long discussion about Queerness and outing culture. We discuss our own personal experiences as well as the histories we are aware of from decades gone by. Then we ask the eternal question. Is Republican senator Lindsey Graham from South Carolina gay? This comes up while discussing the merits of outing in a system where closeted republicans who have the wealth and privilege to vote against the rights that LGBTQ people without their wealth and privilege need.

MOVIE TIME!!! We review WW84 and John Wick and fold in some GoT critiques while acknowledging that Elijah a GoT superfan isn't with us on this episode. The John Wick discussion reveals Darien and Alexander's love of realistic weapon reloading in cinema. Then we sadly get to Theon Greyjoy and Reek, and violence toward people and animals in film and TV.

Chris discusses the porous boundaries of his cohosts in regard to their desire to avoid political discussions on the podcast as he gently slips into a discussion attempt around Trump's appearance and speech at CPAC. This leads to a side discussion about big tech, and antitrust action which eventually leads to another big question of our time. What has been the effect of the proliferation of the Internet and Social Media on humanity. We discuss the Echo Chambers we create as well as our exposure to them.

Darien Is studying the BIBLE...well actually some gnostic texts...good stuff to read. Read everything you can. The more you know....

We discuss the phenomenon of older men seeing or marrying younger women and the ins and outs of all that.

We give long gratitudes because goddamn we are grateful.

Chris then reveals that he implants nightmares into Chris Mortoenson's mind via suggextion including a rather horrific one about a WASP KING. THE WASP KING!!

Darien discusses a kidney ailment which leads to a discussion of the movie hereditary. We discuss the AIDS crisis in the eighties.

Chris regales with his deep desire to do sketch comedy and describes a sketch involving a commemorative plate commemorating the sinking of a fictional small boat called the "Grab 'em by the Pussy" 

Elijah! Elijah! Elijah!

Elijah calls in and discusses SWAMP COW. He tells us a ghost story and adventures in door dashing included buying Vibrators at a store and then delivering them at an Econolodge.

We discuss the Texas power outage, Jewish Space Lasers, and weighted blankets.

Elijah Is the county man! He delights with his knowledge of various counties around the regions he or Chris have lived. 

We take a deep dive on Swingers clubs and parties in NYC and AVL. Chris discusses his experiences and yearning for the swinger's clubs and parties that existed pre-pandemic. It's a wild ride through the logistics of how they work and such. No he doesn't talk about sex in swinger's clubs or parties...just how they are set up.

Qris takes us briefly down to his Special report from the Qanon Quorner and discusses a letter left by a Qustomer who is Qrazy for Qanon and Qava!

Darien and Alexander Discuss their skills and experiences with Phrenology. It's a real headache...head scratcher? You get the Idea.

Chris Discusses NYC in his drinking days and his love of late night romps through the Latin restaurants that were open til 6 AM serving food and drink and dancing to Bachata and Meringue which leads to his love of drunkenly walking over bridges and his love for said bridges which leads to a mention of Asheville's favorite haunted bridge.

Darien decides she'd like to see NYC and travel in general which leads to a discussion about covid restrictions and how some of them don't make any sense from a disease prevention standpoint. 

We do a pretty deep dive on sobriety and treatment programs as well as cooking shows and cooking at home vs cooking for work. Chris discusses his brief stint as a chef in his own speak easy restaurant, "Hotdogs for Hipsters." We all agree that all hipsters believe they aren't hipsters.

Alexander has Goth Eyes and a Goth heart or possibly hearts.

Chris proclaims he is a wood DILF.

To receive Closed Captioning for this episode simply close your eyes and the captions will appear!

It is rare that we get a special treat in this world....yet HERE IT IS! 

THE LOST EPISODE!!!

Many Bothans died to get this mysteriously lost episode to us. Originally recorded in the fall of 2020 this is quite a snapshot of where we were at days after the vice presidential debate. Remember the fly on Pence's hair? (His hair kept the microchips in). Remember this was a time when Trump was still a piece of shit president instead of a piece of shit citizen waiting to be arrested in Florida as he is now. 

We create a new version of too many cooks in the kitchen called too many bears in the kitchen.

We discuss James Franco and make enemies there. we discuss Dr Strangelove, Planet of the Apes and fatty corpuscles (not Fatty Arbuckle)

Xander discusses the magic of wonder bread and eating your shirt and dirt, and the other things that led him to being in the "special class" behind the school.

We admit that sailor moon is Voltron for queer kids and discuss misreading the country time lemonade can.

There's also Bathroom and other anti-trans bills and the Republican/Trumpian strategy of distraction while Jeff Bezos accumulates wealth at a rate so enormous, Chris can't make sense of it.

Sometimes there are no adult teeth behind the baby teeth and finally, Darian discusses suicide as an act of going out in a revolutionary blaze of glory!!!!

The LOST EPISODE: Episode 17

Well hey baby, Where you been? We've been here. Workin'. Playin'. Livin'. Transitions. Always so many transitions. Waiting for the sweet embrace of death to take us home, into the nothingness. 

We talk about stuff. We're funny and vulnerable little bebes taking our time and space in the world.

There is horror and we laugh and cry in the face of it.

Enjoy the show!!

Chris Starts the show by reading a poem(?) about the Qanon disintegration and the sad people who still believe deeply in it as becomes exceedingly apparent and more obvious that the entire Qanon/Trump endeavor was nothing more than a grift and a lie.

Chris discusses an interaction with a bot on Tinder and then Alexander and Darien help Chris by reading his Tinder profile and advising him on its effectiveness via HARSH JUDGMENT.

We discuss the allure of hotels and motels as well as the sage wisdom dispensed by the check in clerks at said motels.

We discuss nitrates and nitrites in food as well as the chemical taste in many former childhood favorites due to a complete shift in either our taste buds as adults who try to eat healthier or a shift in the way said foods are made.

We then do a mental tour of weird or crappy food chains. AND BUFFETS!!!

Oh...We then return to the poem at the beginning aboiuit the Qanon folk inm our lives and discuss the idea of extending the hand of compassion to them while still holding firm on our boundaries about reality and what is acceptable.

A deeply touching (and hilarious) episode. Enjoy.

We discuss an unfortunate incident in which Elijah accidently (we think it was on purpose) hits a brave veteran with some very powerful rocket. He apologizes profusely. Still.

Chris waxes poetic on The Wonderwheel, a large Ferris wheel on Coney Island, NYC, as well as the possibility of running a chain of COVID safe restaurants at various Ferris wheels around the country.

Darien's Smells is BACK!!! What IS in her sniffer?!?!

And finally, we say the long dreaded goodbyes to Elijah who moves across the country to the Seattle Washington area during the show. (not really) We pay respects to a brother in arms that we are losing in a sense, though he will be back on via satellite feed. 

We Laugh. We Cry. It's better than CATS. (The musical) (It's an old joke) (ask your parents, or your real parent, Google)

Ray comes by the studio as we chat about Green Day and the origins of pop punk. We then move on to Nirvana and the countless rockstars that have died and how those deaths affected us. 

We discuss the disappointment of the end of Game of Thrones as well as the disturbing season with all the rape. We move on to a bit of Star Wars, tom cruise as the white Last Samurai and end on the autoerotic asphyxiator, David Carradine who apparently liked to wink at moms. Chris attempts to push the narrative that the Kill Bill movies are a sequel to Kung Fu.

We discuss music lessons where Elijah reveals he's been playing guitar for 20 years, making him four when he started. He then accuses Chris' son of having ADD or ADHD. He doesn't.

Ray opens up about his parents becoming EXTREMELY religious when he was 14, including burning his D&D books, while growing up on a dairy farm in South Carolina that the Government took away because of unpaid taxes.

Ray And Eli discuss fixing brakes. Shants, a shirt worn as pants allowing the genitals to get some air, make their triumphant comeback and we may or may not be doing whippets again.

President Trump reveals he supports and endorsed the street assassination of an Antifa member accused of murder without trial in a speech in Georgia.

We discuss drugs from the good old days that we miss or missed out on. You be the judge.

Elijah regales us with his harrowing tale of staying in a freezing Airbnb that was a converted school bus with no plumbing and no heat on a PIG FARM!!!! 

Elijah then regales us some more with a harrowing tale about the couple having sex and fighting in the adjoining motel room he stayed in on the last night of his thanksgiving trip to see his family in Alamance County, NC. Anytown, USA. Apparently, Ashely and David, the couple in question had some heated fun, then had a heated argument in which David demanded that Ashely leave her long term boyfriend, that we name Chester, for David because they have sex real good.

Darien, Elijah, Alexander and Chris all flex their accent work something fierce. A good time will be had. Join us!

Chris delves into his paternal family history including some door to door sales techniques that most would find questionable. Chris then discusses his uncle who was some sort of leadership member of a religion (or cult depending on who you ask) called eckankar. 

we discuss the false piety of religious people who do good not because they are good people but because they are scared to go to hell.

We discuss the deep intricacies of what it is to be a Furry!! We also discuss early internet chat rooms and games that turned out to be recruiting spots for the Furry scene.

Finally, we answer the question on everybody's mind. How many kernels of corn do we eat in a day?