Coaching Through Stories

What habits get in your way at work? Are there any instances in the workplace that may be limiting you? Are you comfortable sharing your achievements and discussing how you specifically generated a result? Would you rather let your accomplishments speak for themselves? This habit of being reluctant to claim your achievements may resonate more with women. However, this episode is for everyone. Not only did these habits resonate with me, but I also became keenly aware of how our organizational structures can make it difficult for women to break them.

Today's guest is best-selling author, speaker, and leadership coach Sally Helgesen. Sally was cited by Forbes as the world's premier expert on women's leadership and was inducted into the Thinkers 50 Hall of Fame. Her latest book, Rising Together: How We Can Bridge Divides and Create a More Inclusive Workplace, offers practical ways to build more inclusive relationships, teams, and workplaces. It examines the behaviors most likely to get in the way of successful women as they move forward in their careers.

In today's episode, we examine how Sally's early experiences working in corporate America sparked her journey of becoming a women's leadership expert. We dive into the beliefs that can provide a foundation for habits that get in the way of women's efforts to rise. We also discuss her new book, Rising Together, and what we can do to build better work cultures of belonging and inclusion.

Let's get some integrity in our spines, bring our attention to this moment, and learn from Sally Helgesen.

Key Points:

1. We cannot control what others think; we can only control how we act.
2. It is essential to have honest conversations. Communicate what you're interested in. Being reluctant to talk about your aspirations doesn't serve you.
3. Making a simple request is not always leveraging. It can be a chance to give others an opportunity to feel good about themselves.
4. Set boundaries based on your values, and learn to say no without elaboration.
5. During difficult situations, build awareness of your reaction and find a path where you can move more productively.

Episode Highlights:

• [00:56] Getting to know Sally Helgensen and her passion
• [02:44] Sally's Origin Story
• [07:38] Looking at exclusivity from both the individual and organizational standpoint
• [10:15] What keeps Sally going
• [11:52] Building awareness on beliefs that lead us to resist growth
• [17:54] Taking responsibility for getting your work noticed
• [25:49] Building relationships in the workplace and getting over the either-or thinking
• [30:28] Coping with the disease to please
• [31:00] Overcoming either/or thinking
• [38:58] How to give people the benefit of our goodwill
• [49:21] Managing diversity and creating psychological safety in the workplace
• [58:23] The most impactful advice for Sally

Resources:

• "The Female Advantage: Women's Ways of Leadership" by Sally Helgensen www.amazon.com/Female-Advantage-Womens-Ways-Leadership/dp/0385419112
• "How Women Rise" by Marshall Goldsmith and Sally Helgesen
• "Rising Together: How We Can Bridge Divides and Create a More Inclusive Workplace" by Sally Helgensen www.amazon.com/Rising-Together-Divides-Inclusive-Workplace/dp/0306828308

Do you struggle with staying focused and achieving your goals because of both internal and external pressures to fit into a specific mold? Our guest today is Dr. Angie Winter, a Senior High-Performance Consultant and Certified Change Management Practitioner at HigherEchelon, Inc. She specializes in mental performance coaching, working with individuals and organizations in sports and both government and private sectors to improve their leadership, cognitive abilities, and overall performance.

In this episode, Dr. Winter shares her philosophy of high performance, which centers around the importance of authenticity and emotional processing. She emphasizes the benefit of feeling and discussing our emotions to encourage better performance and provides insights on how to help individuals overcome challenges such as lack of confidence, impostor syndrome, leaving one's comfort zone, and ineffective time management.

Dr. Winter earned her master's degree in Sport and Exercise Psychology from California State University at Fullerton and a Ph.D. in Sport and Exercise Psychology from Michigan State University. She is also a certified mental performance consultant through the Association for Applied Sport Psychology (AASP) and an Associate level coach through the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

Join us as Dr. Winter shares her expertise on improving your mental fitness and achieving your goals through authenticity and confidence.

Key Points:

1. Focusing on authenticity in Dr. Angie Winters' philosophy of high performance.
2. The benefit of feeling, processing, and discussing our emotions in encouraging better performance
3. How to help people beyond some of the challenges that get in the way of one's mental fitness: (1) the lack of confidence, (2) Impostor's Symdrome, and (3) ineffective time management

Episode Highlights

• [00:00] Introduction
• [03:54] What inspired Dr. Angie Winter to pursue performance psychology
• [09:59] How she would coach her younger self
• [12:39] What inspired her to broaden her work beyond sports
• [19:05] What drives Dr. Angie Winter through her work
• [19:48] The focus of authenticity in Dr. Angie Winter's philosophy of high performance
• [25:08] Having the balance of masculine and feminine voices in each individual for mental fitness and high performance
• [26:09] The issue of managing confidence as one of the biggest challenges in the way of an individual's mental fitness
• [33:23] Other issues commonly encountered in the realm of coaching
• [38:42] Defining success
• [40:47] Helping people get outside of their comfort zone
• [42:43] On leadership
• [45:43] Advice for people who want to be more focused on their goal instead of worrying
• [48:48] Book recommendation for the listeners

Resources

• The Culture Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups by Daniel Coyle https://www.amazon.com/Culture-Code-Secrets-Highly-Successful/dp/1847941265

• HigherEchelon: https://www.higherechelon.com/human-capital-services/

What would your life look like if you had no expectations? If you showed up to every event, movie, dinner party, work meeting, or performance with NO expectations of how it would go? For some, this very idea might give you the shakes. You might be saying to yourself, "but expectations help me prepare" or "I need to have expectations of myself otherwise I will just phone it in, I won't try hard."

In today's Coaching Through Stories episode, you'll learn how having no expectations can unlock great performances, reduce your stress and increase your overall well-being.

Expectations are defined as a process by which we leverage past experiences and knowledge to predict future outcomes. In other words, expectations are beliefs about the future with conditions – what we believe SHOULD happen. For example, I worked hard on this proposal, I got the right team in place, we partnered with the best vendor, we should win the contract. If you hear yourself saying this "should" happen – then that is an expectation. Expectations are fixed and frozen, they are limited to our previous experiences, and they generate an unhealthy attachment to the outcome which can cause us to miss opportunities and fully experience reality as it is, not as we wish it to be. People with high expectations are attached to the outcome, their feelings are attached to the outcome, and their happiness is dependent on the outcome. All of which is interfering with their ability to perform in the present moment.

Key Takeaways:

1. We cannot deny the fact that our mind is a powerful asset in generating the right conditions to achieve our goals. It's the reason why the placebo effect is so powerful.
2. Keep your belief about your ability, about your goals, and about your dreams extremely high, just do so without the word "should."
3. Our minds are constantly generating expectations – our brains love patterns and are searching for patterns, being overly attached and expecting this result just because it's happened in the past limits our ability to perform in the present and be consumed by the process.

Resources

• HigherEchelon: https://www.higherechelon.com/human-capital-services/

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), an estimated 12 billion workdays are lost annually due to depression and anxiety costing the global economy nearly US $1 trillion.

What is your organization doing to accommodate the needs of workers with mental health conditions? Mental health is becoming more and more of a focus for many people as they become more aware of its role in their overall health. However, beyond the remaining stigma for mental health, some do not give it the priority it deserves—mental healthcare is treated more as a response rather than a preventative practice.

We tend to forgo mental healthcare practices until we encounter stressors or challenges in our lives. But just like how we regularly exercise and maintain healthy diets for our bodies, our minds also require good habits to stay healthy. So, what can we do to put more preventative mental self-care methods into our lives?

Our guest today is Dr. Kensa Gunter of Gunter Psychological Services. She is a renowned Clinical and Sport Psychologist (CMPC) based in Atlanta, Georgia, with a mission to humanize mental health and performance discussions while reducing stigma in the world of sports. She is the Director of the NBA Mind Health, an initiative focusing on the league's mental health and wellness. She has also served as the immediate Past President of the Association for Applied Sport Psychology and membership in the United States Olympic & Paralympic Committee's External Mental Health Taskforce, demonstrating her commitment to advancing mental health initiatives on a larger scale.

Join us as Dr. Gunter talks about how we can improve our care for ourselves and, in turn, our performance.

Key Points:

1. We should humanize the discussion surrounding mental health and performance in any context.
2. There is no such thing as a quick fix regarding mental health and performance. It takes commitment and consistent maintenance
3. We should maintain our mental health through healthy habits and preventative measures like (1) proper sleep, (2) movement, (3) social support, (4) mindfulness, and (5) activities that help us disconnect from noise and connect with the moment.

Episode Highlights

• [01:34] Introducing Dr. Kensa Gunter
• [05:38] The stigma surrounding mental healthcare
• [07:05] Dr. Gunter's current roles and passions
• [14:19] How Dr. Gunter developed her passion for mental health
• [20:07] How Dr. Gunter responded to the hardship she experienced
• [23:50] Dr. Gunter on humanizing the discussions in the overlapping circles of mental health, performance, wellness, culture, and sports
• [30:23] Humanity as the center of Dr. Gunter's philosophy of high-performance
• [35:05] How Dr. Gunter helps individuals who are having difficulty reaching their desired level of performance [41:53] The "Quick Fix" misconception about sports psychology
• [45:30] The difference between mental health and mental performance
• [50:09] On how to further reduce the stigma about mental health
• [54:38] How a leader can balance challenge and support for their team
• [59:59] Strategies individuals can do to maintain their mental health.
• [1:04:45] Recommended reading

Resources

• "The Four Agreements: A Practical to Personal Freedom" by Don Miguel Ruiz https://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319

Very often, our minds are actively focused on different things—events that have already happened, have yet to happen, or something we judge as either positive or negative. We rarely find our minds neutral, and that, in turn, affects how we interact in the present.

A neutral mind leaves us fully in the moment, allowing us to accept what is, not wishing it were something else. Presence enables the mind to focus on what we can control. Our guest today is going to help you and your team find neutrality so that you can achieve your personal and professional goals.

Josh Lifrak has been in the coaching field for 18 years. He has worked with elite athletes and corporate leaders in achieving peak performance and contributed to optimizing many organizational cultures for growth. He is the current Director of Performance and Coaching for Limitless Minds, a health and wellness technology company founded by Denver Broncos quarterback, Russell Wilson and the acclaimed Trevor Moawad, the author of "It Takes What It Takes." Josh is also the president of Lift-Up Consulting from 2014 to 2019 and has worked in Major League Baseball with the Chicago Cubs and the New York Mets, helping both teams with mental performance—even helping the Cubs win a World Series.

Today's episode delves into the importance of a neutral mind and understanding our internal narratives, providing strategies and habits used by elite athletes to excel. Join us!

Key Points:

• The importance of having a neutral mind
• There is no single factor that yields good performance. It is the accumulation of several things that you can notice by building self-awareness.
• Achieving a neutral mind through (1) distancing yourself from what is occurring, and (2) noticing your behavior, what contributed to it, and the things you are grateful for

Episode Highlights

• [00:00] Introduction to the episode
• [05:02] Josh's work with Limited Minds and the power of a neutral mind
• [08:46] Why Josh got into sports psychology and why he decided to leave it
• [15:52] What drove Josh in his previous and current work
• [21:39] What contributes to high performance in both sports and business?
• [23:50] What are some behaviors that can help an individual reach a state of high performance?
• [26:47] What Josh learned while working in professional baseball
• [30:03] Why having work-life balance helps Josh mentally
• [35:37] How Josh helps his clients navigate the ups and downs of work by encouraging focus on the moment no matter the outcome, and why there is no singular factor that yields great performance
• [41:08] Arriving at neutral thinking through distance and noticing
• [46:54] Josh's recommended readings
• [47:41] Conclusion

Resources

• "It Takes What It Takes" by Trevor Moawad: https://www.amazon.com/Takes-What-Think-Neutrally-Control-ebook/dp/B07R8VDNMJ
• "Getting to Neutral: How to Conquer Negativity and Thrive in a Chaotic World" by Trevor Moawad and Andy Staples: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Neutral-Conquer-Negativity-Chaotic/dp/006311190X
• "The Bomber Mafia" by Malcolm Gladwell: https://www.amazon.com/Bomber-Mafia-Temptation-Longest-Second/dp/0316296619

Throughout our lives, we're bound to learn and propagate the wrong ideas and beliefs—some even end up harmful to ourselves and others. While humans are an adaptable species, changing our mindset is difficult. How can you fill a cup that's already full? We have to unlearn.

Unlearning is a powerful and often overlooked concept in personal and professional growth. It is the process of intentionally letting go of knowledge, beliefs, or behaviors that are harmful or obsolete to make room for new perspectives and development.

The ability to unlearn is crucial in a world that constantly changes, allowing individuals and organizations to adapt, innovate, grow, and stay relevant. However, unlearning is not easy—it can be challenging to let go of our established, preconceived ideas and step out of our comfort zone.

By actively engaging in the process of unlearning, we can help open ourselves to new knowledge and growth. Let's discuss!

Key Points:

1. The importance of unlearning.
2. The three types of unlearning: routine unlearning or fading, wiping, and deep unlearning
3. The process of unlearning: building awareness, and making space for new ideas

Episode Highlights

• [00:00] Introduction to the episode
• [01:13] The story of the Zen master and the cup of tea
• [02:46] Unlearning: how to empty your cup
• [04:14] The first type of unlearning: routine unlearning or fading
• [05:06] The second type of unlearning: wiping
• [06:29] The third type of unlearning: deep unlearning
• [07:50] The first step in unlearning: building awareness of personal biases
• [10:18] The second step in unlearning: making space for new ideas
• [11:41] Conclusion

Resources

• "Unlearning in Healthcare" by Rushmer and Davies: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1765805/

When you think of the word "resilience," what do you picture? Historically, it has meant the ability to withstand challenges and keep going. However, it can also be misunderstood to mean ignoring or suppressing negative emotions in order to seem strong.

This can lead to unhealthy habits of hiding or ignoring negative feelings rather than taking the time and care to properly address them. True resilience includes acknowledging and dealing with your emotions, not just powering through difficult situations.

Today, we are joined by Dr. Mustafa Sarkar, a leading expert in the study of resilience in both sporting and business settings. Dr. Sarkar is an associate professor of sport and performance psychology at Nottingham Trent University in the UK, and his research and consulting focuses on how high achievers thrive under pressure and maintain success and well-being, with a particular emphasis on resilience at the individual, team, and organizational levels. He also focuses on psychological safety.

As a chartered psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Dr. Sarkar works with organizations such as Google, the Premier League, the English Football Association, and various international Olympic Committees to create environments and cultures that promote resilience and psychological safety. In this episode, we will learn about how Mustapha followed his own path into the field of sports and performance psychology, despite expectations from his family and friends. We will also discuss the role that the environment plays in influencing resilience and provide practical tools that individuals can use to build their own resilience. Mustafa is a skilled researcher and practitioner, and I'm sure you'll enjoy the depth and insight he brings to the topic of resilience.

Key Points:

1. Resilience is not the sole responsibility of the individual but rather, the environment and relationships play a meaningful role in one's resilience.

1. Resilience can be situational and can vary over time; Resilience is not a stable construct but rather varies.

1. Resilience is a capacity that needs to be trained, not just reliant on one's experiences.

Episode Highlights

• [00:00] Introduction
• [01:27] Dr. Mustafa Sakar and his work.
• [06:47] The value of research and putting it into practice
• [09:36] Why Mustafa got into his career and work in sports psychology.
• [14:44] Balancing pressure and passion
• [19:42] Mustafa's current motivations in his work and on making an impact
• [26:56] On resilience
• [32:08] Understanding resilience
• [37:21] The impact of resilience in an individual
• [42:30] Emotional experiences and how they affect one's resilience and how perspective can help.
• [44:39] Leaders and how they can help build team resilience.
• [47:27] How leaders can balance challenge and support
• [51:02] The effect of one's environment and how it can affect resilience, and what to do when present in a negative environment
• [58:33] Habits that matter the most for high performance: (1) consistency and (2) building self-awareness.

• The Long Win by Cath Bishop
• Website: https://www.ntu.ac.uk/staff-profiles/science-technology/mustafa-sarkar

Discussions about leadership are often hyper-focused on goal setting, communication, and the development of the self and others. While those specific factors are important, leadership is more than that, and as leaders and coaches, we must become willing to broaden our leadership principles.

Even broader than how we define leadership, humanity is made up of people who come from all walks of life, and part of our duty is to expand our frameworks to encompass the people we connect with.

Tanya Martinez-Gallinucci, Esq. is here today to discuss Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging (DEI&B) and how we can integrate them into our leadership principles. She is the Executive Director for the Office for Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging for the New York City Bar Association. She got her BA from Yale and her Master's from City College before earning her Law degree from Columbia Law School. Beyond her professional duty, Tanya is passionate about making DEI and B more prevalent in the discussion of leadership, educating people, and developing programs for young associates and students to help diversify the industry.

Catch the full discussion in this episode of Coaching Through Stories.

Key Points:

• Shifting leadership frameworks to include Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging best practices.
• The impact of creating spaces where people can belong, and why we should direct more energy into improving these efforts.
• The benefits of coaching as a tool for intrapersonal and interpersonal development.

Episode Highlights

• [00:00] Introduction
• [01:25] Tanya Martinez-Gallinucci, Esq., her background, and work
• [05:17] Building awareness on Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging
• [07:40] Tanya as the Director for the Office for DEI and B
• [16:15] On the impact of coaching on Tanya's life
• [19:55] The shift in Tanya's story from not belonging to belonging
• [24:12] How Tanya moved beyond the limiting external biases that can hinder complete belonging
• [30:40] On misconceptions about coaching and the benefits of it at every professional level
• [37:18] Tanya's advice on how to move on from your limiting stories
• [41:43] On continuing to navigate external challenges to show up as her whole self
• [45:56] Balancing boundaries in a way that doesn't compromise your career
• [51:09] On the challenges and progress she has faced and achieved regarding DEI and B.
• [56:49] Becoming more intentional when growing beyond your personal unconscious biases
• [1:01:08] How leaders can be part of changing systems to become more inclusive
• [1:04:17] What aspiring leaders can do to further their career growth while helping uncover the unconscious biases
• [1:06:18] Tanya's one-book recommendation: there's no one book.

Resources Mentioned:

• What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful by Marshall Goldwin
• How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
• The Wake Up: Closing the Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change by Michelle Mijung Kim

Perhaps at some point, you wondered what work was all about or tried to determine what was most important. Have you considered making a fresh start in life? But you discovered that you lack the skills necessary to be an effective leader for something significant in life. Finding your mission can be more challenging than it needs to be. For us to be able to begin our journey in life in a pleasant and engaging way today, let's find out what unlocks your best self with Dr. Eric Bean.

The pressure of pursuing goals, achievement, and success can prevent us from deeply enjoying the process. Is it possible to have both? It depends on our ability to unlock joy in moments, even embracing a scary concept: Aimlessness. Learn how to strike a balance between being purpose-driven and utilizing aimlessness to your advantage in this Coaching Through Stories podcast episode with Dr. Eric Bean.

Freeing ourselves from the pressure of focusing on goals and achievements can help you unlock the value of joy in the moments. Being overly focused on success can prevent you from experiencing the joy of the process. Learn how you can strike a balance between being purpose driven and utilizing aimlessness to your advantage in this Coaching Through Stories podcast episode with Dr. Eric Bean.

Key Points

1. A clear purpose can drive us when we lack motivation and feel aimless

1. Aimlessness is valuable in appreciating the process.

1. There are benefits of consciously accessing an aimless and purpose-driven mindset.

Episode Highlights

[00:07] Dr. Eric Bean

[00:40] How to be aimless?

[01:20] Dr. Eric Bean's Mental performance coaching

[01:54] Definition of aimlessness and what it generates

[02:49] Generating a mission statement

[03:31] Viktor Frankl

[05:35] What is a shadow mission?

[07:39] What causes you to be apathetic?

[08:32] Discovering the purpose of life

[12:50] Reflection about the short story Purpose of Life

[15:08] Two paths to go down when you're in a state of aimlessness

Resources Mentioned:

• Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
• Purpose of Life - Short Story

It's likely that, at some point, you have helped somebody make a change in their life. But while you may have meant well, you might have gone about it the wrong way–approaching the person as someone to be "fixed" instead of inspiring them to learn and create positive change.

Coaching somebody for the sake of compliance more often than not ends up being a band aid solution. Results become temporary to appease an immediate need, but people are likely to return to their old ways if not invested in the change.

Sustainable change happens when we deeply engage somebody with a positive vision of themselves–called by our guest as "Coaching with Compassion."

Today's guest is Dr. Richard Boyatzis, a professor in the Department of Organizational Behavior, Psychology, and Cognitive Science at Case Western Reserve University. He has written books and numerous articles in the field of neuroscience, coaching, management education, and more, as well as Coursera MOOCs with over one and a half million enrollees. Armed with a PhD in Social Psychology from Harvard and a passion for development, Dr. Boyatzis is dedicated to providing ways to help people change that are leveraged with the latest in neuroscience.

Key Points:

1. Nurture human capital through motivation and inspiration.

1. Emotional intelligence is an essential trait in leadership and coaching.

1. Create sustainable change through encouraging introspection and learning.

Episode Highlights

[00:57] On creating sustainable, positive change in people

[02:26] Dr. Richard Boyatzis

[10:26] Effective leadership and activating the human capital

[17:24] Dr. Boyatzis in Aerospace Engineering and finding his passion in Organizational Psychology

[27:54] Dr. Boyatzis' personal philosophy of shared visions and equal opportunity that applies to his body of work

[34:44] The important role of emotional intelligence in leadership in both having self-awareness and dealing with others' emotions

[41:24] Recovering from the buildup of stress which affects your emotional intelligence

[46:42] On goals sometimes having a negative emotional tractor

[50:01] On choosing jobs based on the characteristics of it and the environment, instead of based on the job itself

[52:03] Intentional Change Theory, applying it into one's life, and creating sustainable change

[1:02:41] Advice for leaders on how they can become better at coaching

[1:06:16] Intentional Change Theory and applying it at the organizational level

[1:08:41] Advice for people who want to become leaders: (1) stay consistent with practicing their personal vision; (2) have conversations about your vision, innovation, etc.;

[1:10:58] Questions to stimulate a dissonant leader

[1:12:31] On finding a medium that inspires you in leadership

Resources Mentioned:

• Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman, RIchard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee
• Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth by Richard Boyatzis, Melvin Smith, and Ellen Van Oosten
• Becoming a Resonant Leader: Develop Your Emotional Intelligence, Renew Your Relationships, Sustain Your Effectiveness by Annie McKee, Richard Boyatzis, Fran Johnson
• Richard Boyatzis' MOOCs on Coursera