Br. Jack Crowley

The Second Sunday after the Epiphany

John 1:29-42

One question we Brothers get asked often is “why did you become a monk?”. We often get asked this question at Sunday talking meals just after we have taken a big bite full of food. I usually mumble my way through an answer with my hand covering my mouth talking about God and community.

The truth is I’ve been asked why I became a monk by guests, family members, Doctors, HVAC technicians, police officers, flight attendants, and a whole host of other professions and vocations. Of course I’ve asked myself the same question many times. I would say my personal favorite time being asked this question was when I was standing outside on the front step and a man walking his dog stopped, looked at me and said, “I’m sorry to bother you, but what made you want to do this?” The look in his eye was equal parts serious and curious, as if my answer would greatly impact what kind of evening he was having.

Deep down, whenever someone asks me why I became a monk, I just want to say, “come and see”. I want to open up my little world of monasticism to them and show them my experiences of God. I know that sounds incredibly corny, but it is true. I know that my words will never capture the lived experience of finding God, so all I can say is “come and see.”

We heard Jesus use this phrase “come and see” in our Gospel this morning. In all honesty, it’s one of my favorite quotes from Jesus. He says come and see to the two disciples of John the Baptist who ask Jesus where he is staying. Where are you staying is actually the very first question asked of Jesus in John’s Gospel, so “come and see” is Jesus’ first answer to humanity. One of the many reasons I love this answer is it’s only three words long, but it is simultaneously an answer, an invitation, and kind of a command. Come and see.

Above all else, the thing that I love most about Jesus’ answer “come and see” is that it doesn’t really answer the question of where he is staying, at least not literally. Jesus doesn’t answer the question, but he does something even better, Jesus invites the questioner to experience the truth for themselves in their own personal way.

It is as if you were to ask someone what they were cooking, and instead of telling you the recipe or the name of the dish, they just offered you a taste. Jesus knows there’s no substitute for lived experience. There is no substitute for God. Come and see.

So too must we continually come and see. We must pursue God relentlessly and allow ourselves to be loved by God relentlessly. Both are equally important – the active passion to pursue God and ask where are you staying God, where are you in all this? As well as having the courageous vulnerability to accept God’s invitation to come and see.

Personally, there are some days that I don’t want to come and see. There are some days that I don’t want an invitation, I just want a summary. I’d like a quick run down of the truth with clear cut answers about what’s right, what’s wrong, and what I should be doing differently. Instead, in my experience, when I pray and meditate, I go on a journey with God to the truth. I find that the cravings I had for clear cut answers often dissolve under the loving eyes of God. I find that the pointed questions I pose before God are rarely answered, but I get something even better, a loving invitation to live into the truth, as foggy as it may appear to be. Over all the static of the world and in my head, I hear a clear-cut refrain, come and see.

A good portion of our lives is spent stumbling around trying to make sense of what our souls are saying and what’s going on around us. We can do our best to make it look like we have it all together and have all the answers in our head. Yet we all know deep down there will be times when we have little certainty to go on and so many things to trip over.

At certain points in our lives, no matter how saturated with love we are from those closest to us, we will find ourselves utterly alone with God. This can be horrifying, when everything we thought we knew amounts to so little in the presence of God. We will say God where are you staying, just let me a get a foothold here, and God will respond come and see, don’t stop. This is a glorious opportunity to sacrifice whatever it was we were holding onto and grab on to God with both hands, saying yes, I will come and see.

Jesus built his disciples experience by experience. He knew the life he was inviting them into would not be easy. He was inviting them into a life full of controversy, risk, and sacrifice, but also the truth. Jesus invited his disciples into a life full of truth. We have been given this same invitation. All we must do is leave what we know behind and go forward in this pursuit of truth.

The life of discipleship is not for the faint of heart. We must be willing to walk with God no matter how unpredictable the journey appears to be. We all have no idea what’s going to happen to us. Sure, we can have our predictions and plans, but we all know life can change so quickly in so many ways. We have to hold to God for dear life.

Finally, as we begin this Week of Prayer for Christian Unity, I’m aware that nothing feels united right now. I don’t know of anyone who is thriving right now or thrilled at the state of the world right now. However, my prayer this week is we can all nudge our hearts a little closer to the fire. Even if it is just a centimeter, a little movement is contagious. In my experience, momentum is one of the most powerful forces in the world. Moment to moment, we are being called to come and see. As long as we keep nudging towards the light of the world, things will get brighter.