Coming Out Late

In this Part 2 episode of the Coming Out Late podcast, Robin continues her conversation with friend and Lesbian Curiosity Coach, Samantha Fox, to keep talking about sex and relationships as it pertains to our ever-growing community of newly-out, not-straight queer folx. 

In this episode you will hear Robin and Samantha discuss . . . 

• A very big part of our coming out process IS awakening to our own sexual desires, our sex drive and defining our own sensuality.
• The taboo of self-pleasuring, masterbation and why no one talks about it.
• Objectification: being the object of the male gaze.
• Is our outlook upon men determined by WHEN you came out? Are lifelong lesbians LESS likely to be objectified by men? Are their relationships with men different than women who come out late?
• The different emotional conditioning for men versus women.
• Sex was an obligation they did ‘for’ their husbands; it wasn’t something they liked, enjoyed or even wanted to do.
• What was wrong with me? Feeling ‘broken’ in our hetero relationships and in our marriages.
• Working through the cultural ‘learnings’ and ‘traumas’ to heal our perceived brokenness.
• NONE of us are ‘broken’. We are just deeply buried under layers and layers of cultural, societal, religious conditioning that needs to be undone; but NONE of us are broken.
• Have experiences so that you can “collect the data” about yourself and get to know WHO you are!
• ‘Lesbian Bed Death’ is NOT exclusive to just lesbians - it occurs in ALL unhealthy relationships.
• Get to know your own sex drive and sexual needs and be true to your needs.
• Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Not doing so in your relationships is like taking a tourniquet to your relationship and cutting off the blood supply.
• “Fantasizing” is such a great way to get in touch with what you like.
• Dispelling the Myth: Lifelong lesbians *may* not be better at sex than we are.   
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation for all the time, love and energy she pours into our Community. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

Links to resources:

ONE-on-ONE PRIVATE COACHING w/ROBIN DOUGLASS

There is nothing like the comforting effects of two late bloomers talking about the process and journey of coming out later in life together; especially when one of them is a “been there, done that” Coming Out Late in Life Coach. Robin is now offering private one-on-one coaching for men and women who are in need of some support, compassionate conversations, guidance and accountability during this confusing time in our lives. For more information about her coaching services reach out to Robin at: [email protected].

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In this episode of the Coming Out Late podcast, Robin invites Samantha Fox back to talk about sex and relationships as it pertains to our ever-growing community of newly-out, not-straight queer folx.

In this episode you will hear Robin and Samantha discuss . . . 

• The coming out late journey is fraught with potholes, messy-middles, and a multitude of emotions. But, what about what happens AFTER you’re through the messy middle - what then?
• Post the messy-middle, we are still faced with dealing with feelings and ‘people’ when we begin to date women. Just because we’re now dating women doesn’t mean we are immune from ‘relationship challenges’ and no longer have to deal with ‘personalities’.
• Peeling back the layers of not only comphet, (compulsory heterosexuality), but also patriarchy, misogyny, and capitalism, to realize that most, if not ALL, of our beliefs and traditions and cultural ‘norms’ need to be reinspected by each of us - least of which is the concept of monogamous relationships; or, that there is just “one person” out-there for us; or that, once in a committed relationship, that it is ‘for life’ - it may not be.
• To be open to the possibility that being in a relationship is an opportunity to learn and grow from within - to heal our wounds and grow. And that once a relationship may have run-its-course, that perhaps it was an experience in our life to purposefully teach us a needed lesson. “Relationships” can, and possibly *should*, be looked upon as a beautiful string of experiences with all different kinds of people.
• How “expectations” are the death to every and all relationships and experiences. Let go of expectations and allow yourself to experience the joy and wonder of that particular moment, and then the next moment, and the next.
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation for all the time, love and energy she pours into our Community. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

Links to resources:

ONE-on-ONE PRIVATE COACHING w/ROBIN DOUGLASS

There is nothing like the comforting effects of two late bloomers talking about the process and journey of coming out later in life together; especially when one of them is a “been there, done that” Coming Out Late in Life Coach. Robin is now offering private one-on-one coaching for men and women who are in need of some support, compassionate conversations, guidance and accountability during this confusing time in our lives. For more information about her coaching services reach out to Robin at: [email protected].

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In this episode, Robin reminds us of the significance and importance of us not only hearing other women’s coming out stories, but also telling our own. We grow, we learn and we heal every time we share or hear coming out late stories. Robin reads to us the story of one particular woman who can recall always being attracted to women for as long as she could remember - but knew she had to suppress those thoughts and feelings. (Thank you social norms and comphet!) After being married to a man, and hitting 40-years old, she made a promise to herself that the second half of her life was going to be on her terms. After that inspiring story, Robin also talks about the rate or speed at which you should proceed on your journey of coming out.  And, at the end of this episode, Robin will share with us the responses from a variety of late bloomers, to this statement: “My first kiss with a woman was…”!

In this episode, you will learn…

• How do we find ourselves and live in our truth?
• Going from three kids and 2 marriages to men later - how one woman went from miserable, depressed, angry and anxious to flourishing in life!
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation she pours into our Community. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

Links to resources:

Please consider supporting my podcast efforts by 'buying me a coffee' as a sign of appreciation? Any and all caffeine donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

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In this episode, Robin picks up where she left off in last weeks’ Episode of: “The Catalyst, Part One”, by first reminding us that catalyst relationships can and DO have one of the most significant impacts on us during the early stages of our Coming Out Late journey. While there is a certain amount of mystery and excitement surrounding a catalyst experience, Robin reminds us to proceed with caution, IF we are to proceed at all. Robin also outlines for us several necessary assumptions and considerations to think about, (preferably), before we ever even meet our catalyst. In “The Catalyst, Part Two”, Robin covers what our options are after we’ve met our catalyst, and why it is so important not to lose ourselves in this, or any future relationship(s). Examining the catalyst experience can be a very deep and complex process, and in this episode, Robin only begins to scratch the surface as to why catalyst relationships tend to be so confusing, complex and volatile. Robin also covers a variety of things that need our consideration before considering to act-on the allure of a catalyst.

In this episode, you will learn…

• What purpose does a catalyst serve?
• What assumptions must be considered BEFORE we meet our catalyst?
• Some of the key considerations that can impact an experience with our catalyst.
• The three most common “types” of catalyst experiences.
• How to take personal inventory at all stages of our coming out journey, but especially prior to revealing ourselves to our catalyst?
• The #1 best way to deal with and handle the dreaded catalyst break-up!
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation she pours into our Community. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

Links to resources:

Catch up by listening last week's Part 1 of: Ep. #192: Coming Out Late - the Catalyst Experience, Part 1. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2114849/episodes/17632873

COMING OUT LATE FB GROUP:

Join our private FB Group: Coming Out Late Community at:www.facebook.com/groups/comingoutlatecommunity/

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Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider 'buying me a coffee' as a sign of appreciation. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

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In this episode, Robin talks about The Catalyst and shares some insight as to WHAT a catalyst is . . . HOW the catalyst relationship is different from all other future same sex relationships . . . and WHY it’s important to understand your part, your ‘role’ in this very important, very intense first relationship with a woman. ALL women-to-women relationships are important, but there’s to be nothing like our first (catalytic) same sex relationship. There are no “silver bullets” in catalyst relationships, but understanding the nuts ‘n bolts of them, can help soothe the soul if/when our catalyst relationships end. Stay tuned for “The Catalyst: Part Two” next week.

In this episode, you will learn…

• What IS a catalyst in a woman loving woman relationship?
• That “catalysts” are not always a person.
• The significance of the popular quote circulating among Women Loving Women circles: “You’ve never really had your heart broken until you’ve had your heart broken by a woman”.
• Not everyone who comes out (late) has a catalyst.
• What happens when your catalyst relationship starts to go south, and why?
• You can still purchase the recording from the June 25th Women Loving Women (Virtual) Speaker Summit - all about “Relationships”. PayPal or Venmo me $27 (and send me an email so I can email you the recorded file, to [email protected]). My PayPal is: @NovareInternational, and my Venmo is: @Comingoutlater. I need your email address to send it to you.
• WWW.BUYMEACOFFEE.COM
  Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider 'buying me a coffee' as a sign of appreciation. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

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In this episode of the Coming Out Late podcast, Robin introduces you to two new friends of hers - Rebecca and Issy, the co-founders of YES!, via an episode of one of their very own podcasts. YES! is a nonprofit educational organization that provides sex-positive, intersectional, consent-based, sexuality education to people of ALL ages. Yes! stands for Your Empowered Sexuality. They offer anti-oppressive and shame-free educational programs using interactive workshops, social media, and other mediums - both virtually and in-person. And YES! has their own podcast too, called, What Is Sex?

Robin thought it would be fun for you to listen to one of their podcast episodes appropriately called, “How do you know that you’re gay?”, which originally aired in S2:E4 of What Is Sex?, on October 11, 2020.

In this episode of What Is Sex?, “How do you know that you’re gay?”, you will hear YES! Co-Founders Rebecca and Issy talk about . . .

• The question behind the question, “when do you first remember wondering if you are gay?”
• Did you ever think about women/girls romantically? If so, when?
• Why are feelings for women so different and confusing compared to feelings toward men?
• If I’m not feeling aroused from kissing a woman, am I allowed to still say I’m attracted to women? Is it maybe because I’m kissing straight girls/women?
• Gay Gossip; the Gay Straight Alliance (GSA).
• The CompHet Speaker Summit: the link to purchase your ticket to attend the Speaker Summit Live is posted here, (as well as in these Show Notes below).
• Here’s the link to Register to attend and pay: https://calendly.com/womenlovingwomen/wlw-speaker-summit-3
• If you cannot attend the Speaker Summit Live, not to worry, we got you - you can purchase a recording of the 2+ hour long event by using the email below.
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation for all the time and love and energy she pours into our Community. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

Links to resources:

YES!: www.yestoconsent.org

Our expert guests are from YES! - Your Empowered Sexuality - a non-profit organization dedicated to providing intersectional, consent-based, shame-free sexuality education to all people using interactive workshops, social media, and other mediums. Check them out at: www.yourempoweredsexuality.org

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In today’s episode of the Coming Out Late podcast, Robin discusses the topics of fear and confusion as they relate to the coming out late process. Robin explains, “...fear and confusion have been pervasively popping-up in a variety of forums where people gather for support and conversation regarding their coming out late journey’s. We need to have open and honest conversations about the common fears we experience and the mind-blowing confusion we’re hit with when coming out later in life.”

In this episode you will learn… 

• above all else, you are not alone! What you are thinking and feeling and experiencing is not only common and ‘normal’, but temporary as well.
• ways to dispel some common concerns and ‘arm’ you with some understanding of the coming out process, in order to help ease your overtaxed nervous systems.
• that we all share similar feelings of uncertainty, self-doubt, confusion, self-loathing, and a deep, deep visceral fear of the unknown at various points along our coming out transformation.
• there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to approach our coming out; there is no ‘right way’ to confront and resolve the relationships affected by our coming out. In fact, in many cases, we choose not to even act-on our awareness of our awakened queer identities - that for some - simply acknowledging that side of ourselves and possibly sharing that knowledge with a loved one is ‘enough’. 
• fifty to one-hundred women, a WEEK, are requesting to join our ‘Coming Out Late’ FB Group.
• Worry is another form of fear. Worrying is a waste of our energy and a misuse of our imagination. “Worrying” is like praying for something that you don’t want. (What we focus on grows). Worry is also just a way to attempt to control something we have no control over.
• NO amount of worry is going to change the future - none. So, why worry? And if no amount of worry is going to change the future, then no amount of REGRET will change the past.
• But ANY amount of gratitude that you can muster-up during this phase of our awakening, WILL change the present. Any amount of gratitude WILL change the present. 
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation. Simply go to:https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

Links to resources:

ONE-on-ONE PRIVATE COACHING w/ROBIN DOUGLASS

There is nothing like the comforting effects of two late bloomers talking about the process and journey of coming out later in life together; especially when one of them is a “been there, done that” Coming Out Late in Life Coach. Robin is now offering private one-on-one coaching for men and women who are in need of some support, compassionate conversations, guidance and accountability during this confusing time in our lives. For more information about her coaching services reach out to Robin at: [email protected].

Support the show

In this episode, Robin continues to break the mold in the world of LGBTQ podcasting by introducing us to one of her listeners, Michelle, hailing all the way from Australia. Robin was so struck by a note she received from Michelle, that she knew she had to share it with her listener’s, with MIchelle’s consent of course. Robin also knew that the impact of Michelle’s words and all the sentiment behind them would be better spoken by Michelle herself. So, Michelle agreed to read her own letter to Robin, aloud, for the Coming Out Late audience.

Whether covered directly, or implied, this episode touches upon topics which get us thinking about . . .

• The universal nature of coming out late, no matter where in the world we live.
• The effect of women in non-traditional, but male-dominated occupations.
• Is it a woman’s responsibility to help make a man feel ‘whole’ if he feels emasculated or threatened by a woman?
• Being with men, cutting off bits of myself and making myself smaller in order that they would feel like men.
• Many of the late in life stories include complex arrangements and rearrangements of marriage and children and Incredibly courageous and challenging journeys. This guest doesn’t have children, and is not married.
• There is more to “identity” than just our sexuality.
• A life lived out of other people's expectations is a life dominated by fear and resentment.
• Being honest with other women, from the very start.
• Am I an “L”? A “B”? Or maybe a “P”? Do we need labels? How do I flirt with a woman?
• Do I now need to dress differently and wear beanies?
• Which life-lived is my real reality? Everything feels completely flipped upside-down, or sideways, or completely averse.
• Sexual identity versus cultural conditioning; internalized homophobia, people pleasing and the female anatomy.
• It seemed that the rainbow world offered many possibilities for stepping out of one cage and into another.
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation for all the time, love and energy she pours into our Community. Any and all donations are deeply, deeply appreciated!!  Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

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In this week’s episode, “Things to Consider When Coming Out Late”, Robin shares with us a smattering of subject matters and insights that relate to coming out late. 

The five insights that Robin shares with us are:

• There’s power in the pause.
• Don’t compare yourself to other people.
• Your coming out late journey is yours; it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
• Participating in Pride Events.
• Expect the unexpected and be prepared for the highs ‘n lows.
  
  
• Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation. Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

Links to Resources:

SUPPORT GROUPS:

MESSY MIDDLE MONDAYS:  ON HIATUS UNTIL Sept. 15, 2025

THE GENDER EXPANSIVE EDITION: ON HIATUS UNTIL Sept. 16, 2025

NOT-STRAIGHT SUPPORT GROUP: ON HIATUS UNTIL Sept. 17, 2025

COMING OUT LATE RETREATS:

If you are interested in attending the last retreat of the season, to Grand Junction, CO (Sept. 4-8), then email Robin ASAP while there are still spots available. Robin: [email protected]

PRIVATE 1:1 COACHING w/ROBIN DOUGLASS

Struggling to make sense-of and MANAGE this new aspect of your COMING OUT LATE life? Then send me an email and request my 1:1 Coaching Information Sheet. It really does make a BIG difference to have someone like myself who ‘gets you’ and who has been through it. Email me at [email protected] for my Coaching Info Sheet.

SUPPORT ROBIN’S PODCAST:

Wanna support our “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation. Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

JOIN the COMING OUT LATE FACEBOOK GROUP:

If you are AFAB, nonbinary, lesbian, bi-, pan-, and have recently, or ARE coming out late in life - join us in my private facebook group, “Coming Out Late”. Here’s the link:  www.facebook.com/groups/209443717714063/ .

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Can somatic healing help us on our coming out late journey? Check out part 2 of this week's episode where Robin discusses somatic healing and its benefits with somatic healing expert Lynn Fraser. If you missed part 1, you can catch it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coming-out-late/id1589128068?i=1000714770443

In this episode, you will learn . . .  

• What effect has the HIV/AIDS crisis had on the closeted and ‘out’ LGBTQ+ community?
• Healing from shame and guilt: learn how to regulate our own nervous system; come back into awareness of our own humanity; breathing and somatic inquiry; connection in community like our Coming Out Late Community, and building a strong mind and resilient nervous system.
• Shame is just another part of our nervous system. We are meant to have an intense experience with shame because the purpose of shame was to stop us from doing something that will get us kicked out of the tribe.
• Every culture has taboos of what you don't do. If you do that, you're gonna get kicked out. Utilize somatic inquiry and ask ourselves: When do I feel shame? What are my experiences with shame?
• Wanna support your “Coming Out Late” podcast? Then please consider buying Robin a “virtual” coffee as a sign of your appreciation. Simply go to: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass

LINKS to RESOURCES:

LYNN FRASER  (she, they). To learn more about Lynn Fraser, her offerings and classes, check her out here:

Website: “Somatic Mindfulness Inquiry”,  https://lynnfraserstillpoint.com/

Blog: https://lynnfraserstillpoint.com/blog

Insight Timer App: https:// insighttimer.com  (Search for Lynn Fraser) 

Resources and links;  Access to my books and courses; RadicalRecoverySummit and, Join us for Daily Practice 8AM Eastern

SUPPORT GROUPS:

MESSY MIDDLE MONDAYS: EVERY Monday, 75 mins; 8pm EST, Zoom, $10 pp each week via Buy Me A Coffee. Register each week using this link: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RobinDouglass/e/165736

THE GENDER EXPANSIVE EDITION: EVERY Tuesday, 75 mins; 8pm EST, Zoom, $10 pp each week via Buy Me A Coffee. Register each week using this link: https://buymeacoffee.com/robindouglass/e/253374

NOT-STRAIGHT SUPPORT GROUP: ON HIATUS UNTIL SEPT. 17th

2025 COMING OUT LATE RETREATS:

To attend either of these retreats, email Robin: [email protected].

PHILADELPHIA, PA: July 25-27, and, GRAND JUNCTION, CO: Sept. 5-8

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