Complex Couples Podcast

By Heidi ApplegarthSociety & Culture Religion & Spirituality Christianity Education Self-Improvement Relationships

Complex Couples Podcast episodes

July 07Daniel Perspective: What If the Label Isn't the Whole Story?
Have you ever thought about how the same word can mean something completely different to the person hearing it than it does to the person saying it?
YOUTUBE: https://youtu.be/zFZwk6KBzvQ
In this episode, Daniel and I explore the role labels play in relationships, identity, and communication.
We talk about:
→ Why labels can be helpful
→ Where they can become limiting, and
→ How curiosity can help couples move beyond assumptions to better understand one another.

This Week's Invitation
Think about a label you've given yourself, or even someone else. Instead of assuming you know what it means, get curious.
Ask questions that help you understand the experiences, values, or stories that might exist underneath that one phrase.

Resources Mentioned
North Star
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Connect
YOUTUBE: 🎙️Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast

⭐️ Private coaching ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application

🧭 FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide

📧Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: [email protected]

This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.
38 min
June 30 Is Your Relationship Your Treasure? Is that a good thing?
What started as a quiet moment in my study after a date turned into a realization about myself that surprised me. I thought I had moved past that.

This Week's Invitation
Sit with this question this week: Where is your treasure right now?
Is it your marriage? And is that actually straining your relationship with your spouse?

Connect
⭐️Want private coaching? ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application
🎙️Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
🧭FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide
📧Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: [email protected]
The content provided by Complex Couples Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any condition, nor does it substitute for professional mental health services.
12 min
June 23The Self-Deception That’s Easy to Miss and The Power That Is Hidden There
Upcoming Workshop: Understanding the Real Conflict
Register here ➡ https://www.ComplexCouplesCoaching.com/workshop
There's a kind of self-deception that has nothing to do with making excuses, and I want to walk you through it.
In this episode, I'm exploring something about self-deception I don't think gets talked about enough, and I'm sharing a personal story I haven't told quite this way before.
A question I think most of us avoid asking ourselves.
A moment from my own marriage that changed how I think about what I saw and didn't say.
This Week's Invitation
I want you to sit with one question this week. Is there a moment you've looked away from, and what would you notice about yourself if you looked again?
Let’s Connect
Upcoming Workshop: Understanding the Real Conflict
Register here ➡ https://www.ComplexCouplesCoaching.com/workshop
Interested in private coaching?
Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application
Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide
Question, comment, or topic you'd like me to discuss?
Email me at: [email protected]
7 min
June 16The Biggest Problem I See In My Office. What If They’re Right?
Upcoming Workshop: Understanding the Real Conflict. Learn a tool you'll use again and again.
Space is limited. Register now ➡ https://www.ComplexCouplesCoaching.com/workshop
Most couples come into my office convinced they know exactly what the problem is. But what if the thing creating the most friction in your relationship isn't what you think it is?
In this episode, I share one of the most common patterns I see in conflict and why it can be so difficult to recognize in ourselves.
The relationship dynamic I see more often than disagreements about money, sex, parenting, or in-laws
Why we tend to feel so certain we're seeing the situation clearly
A simple question that can completely change how you approach conflict

This Week's Invitation
The next time you find yourself frustrated with someone, pause before deciding they're the problem. Spend a few minutes wondering what you might not be seeing yet.

Resources
Book: Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson
Article: What We Are by C Terry Warner
Connect
Interested in private coaching?
Apply here ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application
FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide
Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
Have questions or a story to share? ➡ complexcouplescoaching.com/questions
Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.
14 min
June 09Daniel Episode: Post Disclosure Struggles - Seeing Your Spouse in a New Way
Reminder! Join a live workshop with Heidi on June 24th! Click HERE to register
What happens when one spouse needs answers and the other doesn't have them? How do couples navigate difficult conversations when there is no perfect roadmap? And what helps a marriage grow stronger when both partners are facing uncertainty?
Join us for an honest discussion about disclosure, intimacy, communication, and the realities of working through complex questions together.
In This Episode
One of the biggest surprises we encountered after disclosure
Why some questions are harder to answer than others
The challenges of navigating uncertainty in marriage
How couples can approach difficult conversations with greater understanding
What helped us stay connected during a challenging season
Why there is no perfect formula for working through disclosure
📧 Questions or topic suggestions:
[email protected]
Feeling Stuck in a Relationship Problem You Can't Solve?
If you keep asking yourself:
Why do we keep having this fight?
Why can't I let this go?
Why do I feel so angry, hurt, or stuck?
Why do I know what I should do, but still can't do it?
You may be facing a Two-Choice Dilemma.
In this live 90-minute workshop, I'll help you identify the real conflict underneath the conflict and show you a practical framework for moving forward with greater clarity, courage, and integrity.
📅 June 24, 2026
⏰ 1:00–2:30 PM Central
💲 $39
➡️ Register here: https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/workshop
🌐 Complex Couples Coaching:
https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application
YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
🎙️ Complex Couples Podcast:
https://complexcouplescoaching.com/podcast
Connect With Heidi
If you're navigating the complexities of disclosure, mixed-orientation marriage, or relationship uncertainty, you're not alone. My goal is to help individuals and couples move from confusion and reactivity toward greater clarity, courage, and integrity.
34 min
June 02How Do I Convince My Spouse Our Marriage Isn’t That Different? The Problem with Convincing
Attend a live workshop with Heidi. Register ➡ HERE! Space is limited.
How do you respond when your spouse sees the marriage differently than you do?
In this episode, I explore why trying to convince your partner often creates more distance and what it looks like to stay both solid and flexible when confronted with painful differences, uncertainty, and competing desires.
Why persuasion often replaces curiosity and pushes couples further apart
The difference between rigidity, self-abandonment, and a solid flexible self
How allowing freedom and choice can change the way you show up in your relationship
This Week’s Invitation
Notice what happens inside you when your partner expresses a perspective that feels threatening or painful. Ask yourself whether your response is moving toward persuasion, punishment, collapse, or grounded self-respect.
Let's Connect
Attend a live workshop with Heidi Wednesday, June 24 1-2:30 CT
Cost $39
Limited space available. Register ➡ HERE!
Interested in private coaching?
Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application
YouTube Channel: Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about. Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions
FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ You can download it here.
Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.
21 min
May 26Why Some Relationship Conflicts Feel So Personal
Why do some relationship conflicts feel so emotionally charged and personal?
Today we explore the idea that conflict is often not “me vs you,” but rather “me vs me”. In other words, “self vs self” instead of “self vs other”.
We talk through:
How to see if conflict is coming from an internal struggle, rather than someone else’s behavior
How jealousy, resentment, and emotional triggers can reveal deeper needs or fears
What to ask to help uncover an internal conflict for yourself
This Week
This week when conflict or irritation comes up.
Slow down.
Ask yourself, “What is this bringing up for me?”
Notice the difference between what you’re blaming and what you may actually be longing for.
And then, take some time to give yourself credit and allow your opinion to matter to you on what you’re doing.
Resources Mentioned
David Schnarch
Upcoming Complex Couples Coaching Workshop
Connect
Sign up for the live workshop on the Workshops tab at ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com
Interested in private coaching?
Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application
Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
FREE Guide here: https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide
"When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
Have questions or a story to share?
Go here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions
Email me at: [email protected]
Your emails help shape future episodes. This is my work and my passion. You don’t have to face this alone.
16 min
May 19When Something Doesn’t Add Up in Your Relationship: “The Mouth of Regression”
Interested in private coaching?
Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application
What do you do when something in conflict genuinely doesn’t feel right, and you want to deal with it in a way that you respect?
In this episode, I walk through how I slow conflict down, recognize what is going on (the “mouth of regression”), and work to respond in ways that help to stay grounded, honest, and self-respecting instead of reactive.

We Talk Through:
When something has triggered you, learning how to pause and ask yourself, “What just happened?”
The questions to ask yourself to help identify what just happened
What it looks like to respond in a way that shows you see the other person without shaming them, abandoning yourself, or losing self-respect

This Week’s Invitation
The next time you feel emotionally hooked during conflict, pause and ask yourself, “What just happened that triggered me?”
Give yourself the time to understand the feeling before responding.

Resources Mentioned:
Living at the Bottom of the Ocean by David Schnarch- free PDF

Connect & Learn More:
Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about. If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here.
Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions
Email me at: [email protected]. I love to hear from you. Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.
23 min
May 12Daniel's Perspective: How We Decided When and How to Tell Our Kids & What We Would Do Differently
How do you decide whether to tell your kids about same-sex attraction, mixed-orientation marriage, or other deeply personal family realities?
In this episode, we share how we navigated those conversations with our own children, what we would do differently, and why understanding each child individually mattered more than we expected.
We Talk Through
Why we told our kids
How we told them
What we would have done differently
This Week’s Invitation
As you navigate difficult conversations, notice how easy it is to become focused on your own perspective.
This week, try asking:
“If both of us matter here, what would it look like to make space for both experiences?”
Mentioned
Terry Real
Connect
Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
Have questions?
Have a story to share?
Share it here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions
If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here.
Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.
Email me at: [email protected]
43 min
May 05What It Means If You're Fighting All The Time
If you’re fighting all the time and wondering what it means for your relationship, I want to offer a different perspective. Conflict itself isn’t the problem, but how we move through it really matters.
We Talk Through
Conflict isn’t the issue and what actually shapes relationship
When we’re overwhelmed, we tend to react in ways that protect rather than connect and how to fix that
Real change starts with our own awareness and choosing to respond differently, even when your partner doesn’t
This Week’s Invitation
The next time you feel completely justified in your reaction, pause and ask yourself how you want to respond instead. Practice “swimming for the surface” by choosing one small thing to do differently.
Resources Mentioned
Living at the Bottom of the Ocean by David Schnarch- free PDF!
Connect & Learn More
Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast
If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." You can download it → here.
Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions
Email me at: [email protected]. I love to hear from you. Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.
19 min

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Complex Couples Podcast

Complex Couples Podcast episodes

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