Complex Couples Podcast

What do you do when you’ve worked on yourself, shown up well, and your spouse still isn’t attracted to you but says they want to stay? 

Learn how to stop waiting for clarity, read your partner’s actions, and decide how you want to show up in the relationship.

Notice where you are waiting for your spouse to decide something.

Ask yourself if their actions have already given you an answer. 

Then consider how you want to show up, given that reality.

Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here. 

Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

How can I ever be enough for my spouse — especially in a mixed-orientation marriage? 

In this episode I challenge that question and explore a more grounded, self-responsible way to think about worth, attraction, and intimacy. 

Choose one area where you feel “not enough” and turn toward it. 

Ask yourself honestly: can I change this, or do I need to learn to accept it? 

Then take one step in that direction without asking your partner to validate it for you.

Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast
https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast 

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.

If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here. 

Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

What does it mean when your spouse comes out — but tells someone else first? This episode explores the tension between betrayal and capacity, and how to make sense of that experience without losing yourself.

What question or problem does this episode address?

How can I be understanding when my spouse shared something deeply personal with someone else before telling me — especially in the context of coming out?

Notice what you’re making your spouse’s timing mean about you—and gently question whether that meaning is actually true.

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here. 

Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

What do you do when your marriage doesn’t feel like it used to — and you want it back? This episode explores why going back isn’t the goal, and how shifting toward self-validation can change how you show up and experience your relationship. 

• Why trying to “get back to the way things were” often keeps you stuck
• How relying on your partner for validation creates frustration and disconnection
• The shift from emotional dependency to self-validation—and how it changes your behavior and your marriage

Notice when your mind tells you a story about what your partner’s behavior means.

Practice choosing a different interpretation and experiment with how you show up when you assume love instead of doubt.

• Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
• Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt
• Parenting concepts from Amy McCready

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here. 

Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

Why do I feel so frustrated or disconnected from my spouse… and could it be coming from a subtle sense of superiority rather than what they’re doing wrong? This episode explores the hidden dynamic that blocks connection and how shifting into equality changes everything. 

Notice where you feel frustrated with your spouse and ask yourself: Am I standing above them or beside them?

Experiment with shifting from certainty to curiosity in one conversation this week.

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here. 

Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

What do you do with the anger you feel after discovering your spouse hid something significant about themselves? 

In this episode, Heidi explores why anger after disclosure is a normal response and how learning to understand it can help you gain clarity about your relationship and yourself.

When anger shows up this week, pause and ask yourself two questions:

Try writing down what you know for certain versus what you may be assuming, and take one small step toward gaining more clarity.

If you’re interested in a course for this topic, please visit complexcouplescoaching.com and submit your email or send a message to [email protected]

What does authenticity really mean when someone experiences same-sex attraction but chooses to remain in a heterosexual marriage? 

In this episode, Heidi’s husband Daniel shares his perspective on disclosure, freedom, and why he chooses to remain in a mixed-orientation marriage.

Consider where the idea of “authenticity” may feel restrictive in your life. Ask yourself whether authenticity might sometimes mean choosing the life you value most, rather than the life others expect you to live.

• Website: complexcouplescoaching.com

In this episode, I share a personal story from hiking Machu Picchu to illustrate something that quietly damages many relationships: assuming we know why our partner feels the way they feel.

Misunderstanding emotions is one of the most common communication problems in marriage. It often happens when we assume instead of asking.

It’s easy to interpret tears, anger, silence, or frustration through our own lens. But assumptions often miss the deeper truth. When we assume instead of asking, communication suffers.

There’s even a moment in this episode where I catch myself doing it. See if you can spot it. This is a hard habit to break.

A quick clarification: noticing someone’s emotion is not the same thing as assuming why they feel it. Saying something like, “It seems like you're angry right now… am I reading that right?” can be a way of checking your understanding.

The problem comes when we assume we already know the reason behind someone’s feelings.

If you’ve ever been told, “I hate it when you assume you know what I’m thinking,” this episode is for you.

Instead of reacting, what happens when you pause and ask?

You might be surprised how often the story you’re telling yourself about your partner’s feelings isn’t the story they would tell.

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.

If you’d like to learn more, I created a free guide called:
“When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 Practical Tools to Help You Navigate the Aftermath of Disclosure or Discovery.” You can download it here.

Email me at: [email protected]

Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

In this episode, Heidi explores the tension between emotional closeness and sexual desire in long-term monogamous relationships, especially within mixed-orientation marriages.

After sharing a personal story from early in her own journey, she dives into the deeper question: What actually fuels attraction – and what quietly kills it?

Heidi outlines four common “desire killers” that often show up in marriages where partners feel disconnected, tolerated, or unsure about attraction.

Heidi challenges listeners to consider where they may be pressuring, controlling, or seeking validation — and invites them to experiment with change from the inside out.

Notice where you may be trying to control your partner instead of working on yourself. Choose one area where you can increase your differentiation and experiment with showing up differently.

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here. 

Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone.

In this debut episode of The Complex Couples Podcast, I share my personal story of being married for 18 years when my husband disclosed that he was attracted to men. 

I talk about the disorientation, the fear, the questions, and the conflicting messages I encountered. And all while in a marriage and family program.

Most importantly, we explore a question you may be quietly asking:

Do I have to end my marriage because of this?

This episode introduces the purpose of this podcast: creating a space, what I like to call a “booth”, for couples who don’t feel like they fit neatly anywhere.

You deserve tools and information so you can confidently decide what you want.

This podcast is not about forcing you to stay.

It’s not about forcing you to leave.

It’s about helping you:

Treat your marriage with the same care you would give any other relationship you believed had real romantic potential.

And see what happens.

Have questions?
Have a story to share?

Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions

If you need further help with this, this is the work that I do and I’m passionate about.
If you’d like to learn more, I created a Free Guide called "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery."
You can download it here. 

Email me at: [email protected] Your emails help shape future episodes.

You don’t have to face this alone.