Confidence Matters

This is the fourth and final post in the August theme of flourishing.

Week 1 - I Thought Flourishing Was Only for the Most Successful PeopleWeek 2 - I Find Myself Enjoying the Passage of TimeWeek 3 - We Flourish When Every Moment Matters

I will build my confidence.

Those five words changed my life. They really did.

That was the commitment I made to myself after three abusive relationships over many years had left me crushed. At the time, it felt as if I had no confidence left at all.

What I did have, although I have no idea where it came from, was courage. The courage to get up and decide to change my life for the better. With that, I decided never to let my past decide my future.

Beginning to find myself

I never sat down to think about what that confident life actually looked like. Although I could have sought professional help, I didn’t want to open up to anyone about my horrible life. I didn’t need any more judgement. I already hated myself.

Instead, I started reading self-help books. Lots of them. I kept reading and learning, and reading some more.

Although I had left my marriage feeling I had no confidence, I began to recall times when I had felt good about myself, however fleetingly. I wrote them down. Journaling had become a comfort to me. I saw it as a way to tip my thoughts out of my head and examine them closely.

I started to remember times when I had talked to strangers while taking my dog for a walk. Having a dog let me talk to people without feeling like I needed to be interesting. Little exchanges where no one expected me to prove myself. They were more interested in Ricky, my Labrador, than in me.

I remembered how kind people could be. Friends calling to check I was okay. Work colleagues inviting me to their homes for dinner. My neighbour repairing the window my ex had smashed, without asking what had happened.

I never asked anyone for help. I was too proud and too ashamed to ask for a lift to get my shopping because my ex had smashed my car.

So, I walked.

Sometimes there and back three times in a weekend. As a result, I got fit, which helped me feel better about myself.

People even started to comment on how well I looked, which felt good. So, I started reading books about healthy eating. I had moved from trying to improve my confidence to looking after myself. Self-care became the next step on my journey.

My ex had told me that if I ever cut my hair short, he would leave me. Even though that would have made my day, I never had the courage to anger him by getting it cut.

I made an appointment with a new hairdresser (new start, new hairdresser) and had it cut very short. It felt like a final act of defiance after a marriage in which I’d had so little control.

‘Drastic’, my line manager at work called it. Then smiled and added that I looked amazing. All these little changes started to build my self-esteem.

I started looking in the mirror and seeing myself as a woman with a good job, a home, and friends. I was making new friends. That’s when gratitude became a part of my daily life.

The thread of confidence I had begun to pull on encouraged me to look up and smile at people. Amazingly, people started smiling back.

I was learning to love myself. Another step forward.

Looking back

Now, looking back, I can see that I was beginning to uncover the woman inside. The woman who doesn’t have to prove herself, who looks in the mirror with pride rather than shame.

This is how my life has continued since the day I committed to building my confidence.

The tiny changes I was making were adding up and helping me release my insecurities.

* Smiling at myself in the mirror.

* Smiling at strangers I passed on a walk.

* Having conversations without worrying what people thought of me.

* My morning practice of journaling and meditation.

* Creating a beautiful home for myself.

* Treating myself as someone I loved.

All of these have carried me forward to the person I am now.

I can see now that my confidence was growing as I uncovered the parts of me that my insecurities had hidden. As my courage grew and I allowed myself to be more myself, my confidence also grew in the background.

I began to recognise the woman I had always been, and my choices increasingly aligned with her.

It wasn’t a new identity. I was returning to myself.

I had spent years trying to be someone else and trying to prove myself. Along the way, I had lost touch with who I was and remained in relationships that left me desperately unhappy.

Now I had discovered a way to live as myself, and it felt good.

Now I flourish

This is how I see flourishing. Living a life that truly feels like it is mine. I thought I was building my confidence. In a way, I was, but more than that, I was uncovering the hidden parts of me I had been too afraid to show before. The woman who can simply sit and watch the birds in her garden, or the clouds go by, without berating herself for wasting time.

The woman who walks into rooms with her head high and a smile on her face. Then, as an introvert, when she feels she has had enough, she can leave in the same way. Head high, no guilt, no running away.

The woman who believes in herself and her talents. The woman who knows she can face all challenges and find a way through.

All those years ago, I committed to building my confidence. I found confidence by following my path home to myself.

This is flourishing. This is me.

This year, I have been writing about a different theme related to confidence each month. These themes have taken my readers on a journey I call ‘The Aligned Path’.

My aim is not to teach you how to create a new identity; it is to uncover the identity that has been within you all along, to align with your true self. Confidence and flourishing then have the space to grow quietly in the background.

If you want to remember who you are, join me in whatever way feels right. Follow, subscribe, upgrade, or work with me. Whatever you choose, I am grateful.

Much loveSue xx

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the third article for our August theme of ‘Flourishing’.

Week 1 - I Thought Flourishing Was Only for the Most Successful PeopleWeek 2 - I Find Myself Enjoying the Passage of Time

Have you ever noticed how present dogs are?

You could have been gone for five minutes, and your dog greets you as if it’s been five months. Dogs live in a world where every moment matters.

Humans aren’t quite so good at it.

We spend an enormous amount of time elsewhere, not where we actually are. We replay the past, anticipate the future, plan what comes next, or imagine how we’ll feel when something finally happens.

Sometimes we spend so little time in the present that we end the day wondering where the time went.

Your body is your anchor

Your mind can travel backwards and forwards in time. However, your body can’t do that.

You may be sitting at your desk, daydreaming about your next holiday. Your mind is already lying beside the pool, telling you, ‘I’ll be happy when I get there.’

But your body is still at your desk.

That gives you an anchor to return to the present moment.

You simply notice your breath.

You can’t breathe yesterday’s breath or tomorrow’s. You can only breathe right here, right now.

Of course, your mind will wander again. That’s what minds do. Being present isn’t about never drifting away. It’s about noticing when your mind has wandered and learning how to return.

Sometimes returning to the present means being willing to stay with something we would once have tried to escape.

Like silence.

Silence can be uncomfortable. We often feel an urge to fill the gap.

I know that feeling very well.

The beauty of quiet moments

This is another area that quietly changed in the background of my life.

I used to feel the need to be the centre of attention.

That might sound strange coming from a shy introvert, but I understand it now.

Beneath it all was a belief that I wasn’t interesting.

If nobody was paying attention to me, my nervous system interpreted the silence as proof.

I noticed something last week when I was out with my husband and a group of friends. Everyone was talking to someone, except me.

No one was talking to me. A moment like that a few years ago would have had me asking, ‘Why am I being ignored?’

Then my mind would have come up with reasons why I am being ignored.

* They don’t like me.

* They don’t find me interesting.

* I am too shy; they don’t even know I am here.

This time…

Nothing.

I didn’t have any of those thoughts. I watched them interact without judgement.

I wasn’t telling myself it was okay; they don’t really hate me. I didn’t need to calm down. I was enjoying the silence.

A little while later, I was included in one of the conversations. Before, I would have been in a bad mood and wouldn’t have said anything interesting (self-fulfilling prophecy, right there!).

The difference is that I have learned to stay present in the silence. It feels good; it feels aligned.

I used to believe I needed to be noticed, interesting, included, and approved of.

Now I am comfortable quietly observing and listening to conversations around me. I enjoy my own company until a conversation naturally comes my way.

This is me, the quiet introvert, not someone I am trying to be.

I am simply being Sue.

Living aligned

We flourish when we are aligned and present.

Alignment allows us to be ourselves.

Presence allows us to experience the life we’re actually living.

Without alignment, we can spend our lives performing.

Without presence, we can spend our lives wandering between the past and the future.

When the two come together, we can finally inhabit our own lives.

That’s something else I’ve noticed about alignment. Sometimes we only realise how much we’ve changed when an ordinary moment reveals it to us. There is no extraordinary event. Just a quiet recognition that something within us has changed.

I sat quietly, watching a beautiful sunset while others talked.

Which is exactly the point.

Nothing about the situation needed to change. What changed was how I experienced it.

I didn’t need the moment to be different to feel at ease. I found joy in the sunset.

I wasn’t waiting for someone else to make me feel interesting. I wasn’t trying to become someone I thought they wanted me to be.

I was simply there, present and aligned with myself.

This is how I see flourishing. It isn’t about making every moment enjoyable. It’s about no longer needing every moment to be different, and about learning to be present with the life that is here.

An exercise for this week

This week, simply notice when your mind wanders from the present. Don’t judge yourself for it. Just practise coming back. Find an anchor that works for you.

That could be:

* Noticing your breath.

* Noticing your feet touching the ground.

* Mentally saying a phrase, such as ‘I am right here, right now.’

* Pressing your thumb and forefinger together and noticing the sensation.

* Noticing five things you see around you.

This year, I have been writing about a different theme related to confidence each month. These themes have taken my readers on a journey I call ‘The Aligned Path’.

My aim is not to teach you how to create a new identity; it is to uncover the identity that has been within you all along, to align with your true self. Confidence and flourishing then have the space to grow quietly in the background.

If you want to remember who you are, join me in whatever way feels right. Follow, subscribe, upgrade, or work with me. Whatever you choose, I am grateful.

Much loveSue xx

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the second article for our August theme of ‘Flourishing’.

Week 1 - I Thought Flourishing Was Only for the Most Successful People

To flourish, we need to be present.

We can remember the past and look ahead to the future, but life itself is happening here, in this moment.

In the 1977 song ‘Secret O’Life’, James Taylor wrote ‘The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time’.

Taylor is talking about enjoying each moment as it passes.

This is mindfulness, and it is how we flourish in life.

The philosopher Alan Watts said something similar. ‘The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple.’

I took an 8-week mindfulness course years ago. The biggest change I noticed after completing the course was that everything looked brighter. It was so weird, but the sky actually looked bluer and the clouds fluffier. I started noticing things I had never paid any attention to before.

This was at a time when I was still working, still chasing success and never stopping to look around. I nearly didn’t even take the course because it took up a full 90 minutes of my precious time every week. I kept thinking I needed to wait until I had more time.

Which was exactly why I needed the course.

When we are always looking ahead

We achieve a big goal. It feels great, because this is what we have been working towards.

Winning the race, getting the promotion, the lavish wedding, buying the big house. We achieve them, and for a while we feel the satisfaction of having arrived.

Then we think, ‘What’s next?’

We are encouraged to always be winning and to always be looking for the next shiny object. Life moves on so fast, we are missing parts of it.

The magic of being present is that we begin to notice the small moments of joy that were there all along, moments that make us feel the beauty of simply being alive.

On any given day, there are countless moments when we can pause to notice small joys.

* The smile on the face of someone you love.

* Finding something to laugh at.

* A smile from a stranger.

* Watching clouds, birds, bees, or people going about their day.

* The smell of a flower, or the scent of that person you love.

* A cool breeze on your face as you walk along a country lane.

* Listening to a song that takes you back to a beautiful memory.

* The warmth of your morning cuppa.

* The relief that comes from getting home after a difficult day.

Noticing these ordinary moments opens the door to flourishing.

Flourishing is never a dramatic moment that arrives with a bang.

It is the growing ability to return to yourself and to the present moment, even when life pulls you away.

Maybe this is why flourishing can be so difficult to recognise. Like most meaningful change, it happens quietly.

Real change happens quietly

Lasting change happens slowly over time. You will never reach the point where you are always confident, never worry, and have your life completely sorted out.

Life is full of challenges. It is also full of beautiful moments.

Real change is almost invisible.

I spent years building my confidence, and now, when I look back, I cannot pinpoint the moment I became confident.

Yet I am.

What I notice is the ways I act differently now:

* A disappointment no longer crushes me.

* I trust my own decisions.

* There is no urge to apologise for being myself.

* I rarely replay a conversation now, wondering where I went wrong.

* I laugh at myself more and ask for help when I need it.

* Rest is an important part of my day that I no longer feel guilty for.

* I have no need to explain or prove myself to anyone.

* I am grateful for each ordinary day.

I didn’t notice most of these changes as they happened. I noticed them afterwards.

My confidence grew quietly in the background as I became more aware of how I spoke to myself, embraced love, kindness and gratitude, strengthened my self-belief and learned to trust myself.

I wasn’t chasing confidence. I was creating the conditions for it to grow.

Perhaps that’s one of the clearest signs of flourishing. We stop constantly measuring our progress and start living the life we’ve been creating.

Flourishing is not measured by what you have achieved in life. There is no finishing line to cross. Instead, you gradually settle into a life that fits you. A life aligned with your true self.

Perhaps one day you look around and realise you are here.

As yourself.

In this moment.

And you know that you are home.

Questions to reflect on

* What feels easier today than it did a year ago?

* Which small changes have become so normal that you hardly notice them?

* Where are you treating yourself with more kindness?

* If someone who knew you five years ago met you today, what changes might they notice?

I am writing a book on living in alignment and flourishing in your life. If you find this interesting, stay with me on my journey.

Much loveSue xx

Confidence Matters by Sue Reid is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the first article for our August theme of ‘Flourishing’.

I never thought I would flourish.

When I first heard the word flourishing, I imagined someone living an extraordinary life.

Someone who was always happy, hugely successful, endlessly confident, and completely at peace.

That didn’t sound like me.

However, this year, as I have reflected on confidence and written about self-trust and alignment, I have realised something that surprised me.

I believe I have been quietly flourishing without even noticing it.

What is flourishing?

Society often tells us that flourishing means constantly striving for more.

We should strive to become better versions of ourselves, pursue success, and achieve more ambitious goals.

I tried all of that in my career. Yes, I was successful, but it didn’t feel like flourishing; it felt exhausting.

So, I started thinking about the small moments where I feel joy and at peace.

Everyday moments like:

* Watching my plants growing in the garden.

* Sitting quietly with a cup of tea or coffee.

* When I am quietly writing and letting time slip by.

* Noticing the moments when my mind feels like a calm lake.

* Understanding myself and knowing that I have nothing to prove.

* Walking down a country lane and feeling a cool summer breeze.

* Spending time with family and good friends.

* Putting my heart into creating beautiful food.

I wondered, “Could this be what flourishing actually looks like?”

Because maybe flourishing is more about how we feel than what we have achieved.

You can be very successful in life, but never notice those small moments of joy. That’s why I have come to realise that flourishing is much more than being successful or becoming someone else. It is what naturally happens when you start living in alignment with your true self. The person you have always been deep down.

Flourishing begins when you stop abandoning yourself. It happens in the small moments of joy when you are fully present.

I realise these moments have always been part of my life, but I haven’t always appreciated how important they are to my well-being. I haven’t taken enough time to stop and see, listen and feel. I was too busy trying to find happiness to realise I was already living parts of it.

Maybe flourishing has been quietly growing in your life too.

Where you will find it

You don’t have to look far to find your own moments of flourishing. They are in those ordinary, small moments of joy. It might be as simple as noticing a bird in your garden, enjoying your morning coffee and watching a beautiful sunrise.

* You will find it when you are doing something you love and completely lose track of time.

* When you find yourself laughing at a silly mistake rather than berating yourself.

* When you recover from a setback more quickly than before.

* When you find yourself leaving an awkward conversation without replaying it in your head for hours afterwards.

When you look for these moments of flourishing in your life, you will find them.

Because flourishing is waking up and feeling at home in your own life.

It doesn’t need to be perfect, and there will still be days when life is hard. But now your life is becoming a reflection of who you really are.

Flourishing doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can happen quietly in your everyday choices.

The first step is to notice those moments and how you feel in them.

You might realise that you are already flourishing, and it is not something reserved only for the few.

Perhaps it’s what happens when you finally arrive home to yourself.

Questions to reflect on

* When do you feel those small moments of joy?

* Which small changes in your life seemed impossible a few years ago?

* Where are you beginning to trust yourself more?

* What does the word flourishing mean to you now?

I have started writing a book on living in alignment and flourishing in your life. If you find this interesting, stay with me on my journey.

Much loveSue xx

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the final post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first four, you can read or listen to them here:

Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are Not

Week 2- The Quiet Whisper That Tells You What You Need, Want and Value

Week 3 - Living in Alignment, One Choice at a Time

Week 4 - The Day You Stop Thinking About Alignment, and It Becomes a Way of Life

What was wrong with me?

On the outside, my life had improved so much.But on the inside, it didn’t feel right at all.

After my first marriage ended, I made a commitment to change. I had to break the pattern of toxic relationships and self-sabotage that had made my life miserable.

I started rebuilding my shattered self-esteem by reading one self-help book after another. This was 1996; there was no YouTube or podcasts, and although there was an internet, I had no idea what it was.

Two years later, I married again, this time to someone special. We are still together 28 years later.

We purchased the beautiful home we still live in today.

My career was going well.

Everything was so different from the life I had left behind.

This was the life I had been hoping for.

So, why didn’t it feel right?

I kept thinking, “Why am I not happy?”

I asked my doctor the same question.

“I have changed my life around, and I am still not happy. What is wrong with me?”

It wasn’t the first time he had been asked a question like this. He told me it’s actually very common. We go through a trauma, followed by a process of healing. On the surface, life feels much better. Inside, our nervous system stays on high alert.

Just improving our circumstances doesn’t instantly reset our internal systems.

Imagine someone who spent years walking on eggshells in a controlling relationship. Leaving that relationship doesn’t automatically mean they feel safe. They may still apologise unnecessarily, anticipate conflict, or struggle to relax because those patterns were adaptive for a long time. This was me.

Similarly, someone who escapes burnout might still feel guilty about resting, and someone who retires may discover that their sense of identity was tied to their career.

An external change doesn’t automatically create internal change. It can take some time for it to settle enough for your nervous system to calm down.

Becoming aware of myself

Looking back, my conversation with the doctor was a turning point for me. I realised that there was nothing wrong with me. This was another part of my healing journey.

My next step was not to sit back and believe my life was fixed. It was to understand who I was, now that I didn’t have to check for safety before speaking or doing something for myself.

I had been trying to become a new me to fit my new life.

Now, I realised I was asking the wrong question.

This was the real question:

“Who am I beneath everything I’ve learned to be?”

Coming home to myself

After I had lived with the belief that I wasn’t good enough for so many years, there was never going to be an overnight transformation.

It didn’t suddenly all make sense.

Quite the opposite.

It was the small, quiet choices I made in the ordinary moments that slowly changed me.

I noticed how I spoke to myself; I caught the negative thoughts and replaced them with something kinder.

I forgave my younger self for past mistakes so I could let go of the guilt and move on.

I set up healthy habits, such as journaling, meditation, spending time in nature, and looking after my wellbeing.

I learned to say no without feeling guilty.

Most of all, I realised that there was nothing I had to prove to anyone.

I came home to myself, and my confidence grew as a result.

I never became someone new. There was no new identity. What happened was that I slowly returned to the person I had always been.

The person who had been waiting to appear for so long. From that point, my confidence grew naturally.

This was my journey; yours may differ. Our lives are shaped by our experiences.

Whilst our stories may differ, we often end up asking the same question:”Who am I beneath everything I’ve learned to be?”

I believe this is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves.

Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.

The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.

Questions to reflect on

What does “coming home to yourself” mean to you?

What is one small step you could take this week that feels more like you?

What if you stopped trying to become someone new and embraced who you are?

This year I have been using different themes to write about the things that prevent us from feeling safe enough to be ourselves.

When you read through the posts, you can see that every conversation seems to circle back to childhood experiences, limiting beliefs, guilt, shame and acceptance.

Alignment is what emerges once those layers begin to be stripped back.In August, our theme will be ‘Flourishing.’Much loveSue xx

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the fourth post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first three, you can read or listen to them here:

Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are Not

Week 2- The Quiet Whisper That Tells You What You Need, Want and Value

Week 3 - Living in Alignment, One Choice at a Time

Living in alignment can sometimes feel hard.

You’ve learned to trust yourself.

You’re beginning to hear your own voice again.

You’re making choices that feel more honest.

So why does living in alignment feel like something you have to remember to do? Where every decision still feels like a huge effort.

Remember, untying yourself from years of conditioning, expectations and old patterns doesn’t happen overnight.

Even though you are consciously living in a way aligned with what you value and what brings you joy, there will still be times when guilt pulls you back.

* Saying no will feel uncomfortable.

* Resting will feel lazy.

* Speaking honestly will feel risky.

* Choosing yourself will feel unfamiliar.

At first, living in alignment is a conscious practice. You have to stop, pause and choose differently. Over time, those choices will become less deliberate. Eventually, they become the way you live.

How you know alignment is becoming part of you

Pausing before saying yes

You used to say yes to things without even thinking. Now you pause to consider whether this is something you want to agree to. You are no longer afraid of being rejected or of disappointing someone. Now you consider what is best for you. You ask yourself, ‘Is saying yes to this the best response at this time?’

Another good question is, ‘Does this choice bring me closer to myself or further away?’

Noticing tiredness

You no longer feel compelled to push through tiredness. The fear of being judged is no longer a threat. You recognise when your body needs a break, and you take one. You understand that rest is an essential part of success, not a reward for it.

Recognising resentment

Your boundaries are not so rigid that you say no to everything. They are flexible enough to accommodate your kindness. You can recognise when a boundary has been pushed too far, and you are beginning to feel resentful. In those times, you move your boundary back into place and calmly move on.

Asking for help

You recognise that asking for help is not a weakness. In fact, admitting that you don’t know is a strength. It is okay not to be okay in those times when you need someone to lean on.

Being your cheerleader

Your inner critic is no longer the loudest voice in your head. You notice the things that go well more than the things that don’t. You constantly remind yourself that you are doing your best and that is always enough.

Making decisions

You no longer need reassurance from everyone else. Not because you know everything, but because you trust yourself enough to make the next choice.

You stop looking for the right answer because you have learned to listen to yourself first.

Not everyone will understand

When we do deep work on our personal development, people often notice the change.

This can also be a consequence of alignment.

Some relationships deepen, while others will naturally fade. Some people will not like the change in you.

Why have you stopped being so accommodating?

Why do you never join in the gossip anymore?

The good news is that some relationships will become healthier simply because your boundaries become clearer.

People will begin to experience the real you rather than the version that was trying to please everyone.

Nothing to prove

I spent years trying to prove myself worthy. Learning that I didn’t have to was one of my greatest realisations.

My worth, intelligence, kindness, and confidence are no one’s business but my own. That has been a very refreshing belief to hold.

I used to think I wasn’t clever or interesting enough. Then I asked myself an important question:

‘Who decided that?’

Of course, there are still challenges to face. Life will always include loss, disappointment, illness, mistakes, and times of fear.

Alignment doesn’t make life easy. There is no such thing as a perfect life. There is just life.

Living aligned with your authentic self changes how you handle difficult times.

Living in alignment

Alignment isn’t something you achieve. It’s something you practise until it becomes the way you naturally live. One day you realise you no longer have to think about it.

When you:

* Trust yourself a little more.

* Apologise less for who you are.

* Recover more quickly when life knocks you sideways.

* Choose what matters more often than you used to.

This is when you feel more at home in your own life.

The choices that once felt brave now feel natural.

The voice you once struggled to hear has become familiar.

You are no longer trying to become yourself.

You are simply being yourself.

Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.

The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.

Questions to reflect on

* Where have I noticed alignment becoming more natural?

* Which choices no longer require as much courage as they once did?

* What part of my life now feels more peaceful than it used to?

* How do I know I am becoming more myself?

* What am I most grateful for on my journey home?

If you have a desire to start living in alignment with authenticity, self-trust, and confidence, consider joining our Confidence Circle. There you will find a safe place to find and be yourself.Much loveSue xx

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the third post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first two, you can read or listen to them here:

Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are Not

Week 2- The Quiet Whisper That Tells You What You Need, Want and Value

People often ask me how I became so confident.

When I was younger, I was shy and afraid to speak.

They want to know what changed.

The truth is there wasn’t one big moment.

It was the result of hundreds of small choices, made over many years.

People often imagine that living in alignment begins with a dramatic decision, such as starting a new career, moving to another country, or ending a relationship. Sometimes alignment happens that way, with a big change.

But most of the time, it begins quietly with a small choice that feels like being honest with yourself.

At the time, I thought I was only building my confidence. I didn’t know what that looked like or what steps I needed to take. I saw confidence as a light at the top of a mountain I wanted to climb. I knew nothing about alignment, values or boundaries. I only knew I wanted my life to be better than it had been.

Looking back now, I realise I wasn’t climbing towards confidence at all. I was slowly walking back to myself.

Pieces of a jigsaw

We don’t wake up one morning to find ourselves living an aligned life. It is the life we create through each conversation we have, each boundary we set and each decision we make. One small step at a time.

It is more about walking a path than reaching a destination. There is never a moment when we can say, ‘Ok, that’s it, I have achieved alignment.’ It’s a different kind of knowing.

For me, it was a feeling that things were starting to slot into place, like a jigsaw where you begin to see where each piece needs to go. At first, it still looks incomplete. But with every piece you place, the picture becomes a little clearer.

I believe alignment comes from those small moments when we choose to stay with ourselves.

Maybe you:

* Stop chasing approval.

* Prioritise rest when you’re tired.

* Learn to say no without apologising.

* Stop explaining yourself in great detail.

* Start to wear the clothes you genuinely like.

* Make time for the things that bring you peace.

* Honour your values instead of someone’s expectations.

* Spend more time with people who leave you feeling peaceful, accepted and fully yourself.

Becoming comfortable

Our nervous system prefers what is familiar. This is why we spend time in our comfort zone. Growth often asks us to step beyond what feels familiar.

After a lifetime of people-pleasing, choosing yourself will no doubt feel wrong. You will feel uncomfortable. I urge you to move through that discomfort, because alignment and confidence lie on the other side.

You will feel guilty for saying no, resting, and speaking up. That guilt will pass as you hold steady. It’s not wrong to prioritise yourself; it’s just unfamiliar.

The question I ask myself

As I have transformed from the shy girl with low self-esteem and social anxiety into the confident woman I am today, I have found a question that keeps me moving forward.

Does this choice bring me closer to myself or further away?

In other words, does what you are about to decide align with what is important to you?

This question ensures you are making choices that are in your best interests.

We are not talking about becoming perfect.

Alignment will not stop you from:

* Losing your temper.

* Overthinking different situations.

* People-pleasing to gain approval.

* Bending your boundaries at times.

* Ignoring your needs to help someone out.

What it does is help you notice sooner and take action to return to yourself.

Looking back, I can now see my own journey more clearly.

First, I realised I had drifted away from myself.

Then I learned to hear my own voice again.

Finally, I found the courage to follow it, one small choice at a time.

Looking back, those weren’t three separate stages.

They were all part of the same journey home.

Living in alignment

Your own aligned life will take time to build:

* Making better choices that feel right for you.

* Discovering your core values and honouring them.

* Trusting yourself to speak up.

* Developing strong relationships.

* Knowing and understanding all parts of yourself.

As you walk along your aligned path, you may not notice the change from one day to the next. But one day you’ll look back and realise that the choices that once felt difficult have become natural. You no longer ask yourself who you should be. You’re simply living as yourself. That’s when you realise something beautiful has happened.

You’re finally living a life that feels like your own.

Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.

The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.

Questions to reflect on

* What is one small choice I could make today that feels more like me?

* Where have I been choosing comfort over authenticity?

* What does my body feel like when I know something is right?

* Which daily habit helps me feel most aligned?

* What is one decision I can make this week that honours my values?

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Much loveSue xx

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