Connected Teamwork Podcast

Connected Communication Practice #10

Same Side of the Table. Conflict is Confluence

Someone disagreeing with us is something many want to avoid at all cost. What if conflict is part of teamwork and leadership and a sign of real collaboration? Seldom do we all share the same perspective. We gain by exploring the diversity of thought. Then conflict simply becomes confluence, a coming together of different streams of thought into a more powerful river of insight. Remembering that the other person is just like us, a human being with beauty, fears, good days and bad days, helps us to humanize and remove the sting of taking it personally. And we look for the underlying purpose we both share. Even in the strongest disagreement, there is often much more we agree on than not. We build on our shared interests to co-create solutions that serve both parties.

Ask for help. No, it’s not a weaknessConnected Communication Practice #9

Stressed people isolate. We can use confidence as camouflage. Asking for help requires us to step over our own egos. We ask for help in a quality way by being clear about where we are and where we need help. And we stay open to hear what the other really has to say without becoming defensive. Don’t wait to ask for help till you are in crisis. Make it your muscle memory. We build strong relationships by asking for help and also by giving it. Most people love being asked to help. It often is an honor. Yet don’t fall in the trap of becoming a candy store. Balance caring with inspiring self-accountability.

Connected Communication Practice #8

Listen Deeply

Listening is not solving. Everyone wants to be seen and heard. Listening is the great gift we have we can give to anyone anytime. And we need to be honest. A big part of us is invested in not listening. Instead, we are busy with our own agenda and often judging the other for not saying what we want to hear. Deep listening liberates both the listener as well as the speaker. Knowing that a great listener isn't driven by the need to respond but by the intention to be completely in the here and now with the speaker, frees the speaker to say what is on their mind and heart without worry about whether the listener can handle it. Similarly, it frees the listener by providing a space to be completely in the here and now with another. Great leaders intentionally create spaces for active listening. They check-in with the team and inquire deeply into their needs and objectives. Listening connects.

Keep it Zen Short and Simple.

Connected Communication Practice #7.

Silence is the sacred pause between stimulus and response where truth breathes. Our ego wants to fill this space: be seen, claim its stake. This gets in the way of really being in conversation with the other. Being brief requires us to consider what we really need to say. We practice WAIT: Why Am I Talking? We say what we need to say and then ask a question. What do you think? How does this land with you? Silence can be uncomfortable. Instead of filling it with yet another paragraph of our own making, we can choose Presence. Presence magnetizes deeper reflection, also in the other. This is how silence facilitates truth and togetherness.

Share with Humility. Share in Chunks.

Connected Communication Practice #6

It’s much easier to lose each other in conversation than to move together, especially when stressed. Sharing in bitesize chunks helps the other person stay on the same page with us. Chris Argyris’ Ladder of Inference tells us to share the facts, then interpretations, then opinions, then decisions and actions and to keep checking in with the other person along the way. How is this landing with you? What do you think? Asking simple questions throughout as opposed to doing a long monologue helps people to walk up the Ladder of Inference with you. And stay humble. Only share your opinion as opinion, not as fact. Stay curious about the other person’s perspective. Curiosity is the energy that brings us together and help discover what didn’t exist, at least not yet in our minds, before we started the conversation.

Choose Altitude. Don’t Nosedive

Choosing the level the conversation is an act of leadership. It can be a brave one if there are competing priorities. Important to mitigate the tendency to do a fly-over, and avoid the core issue, or nosedive into the details forgetting the larger context. We set a powerful altitude by asking ourselves: what is of service here and what do we need to talk about today? Sometimes altitude can shift during a conversation. Be guided by what is most important to speak about now. We are spending valuable human time. How do we best spend it? Keep a steady, purposeful leadership hand on the wheel, being of service, keeping the larger purpose in mind and integrating what is important to the people in the room.

Connected Communication Practice #4: Connect before sharing Context and Content

Building connectedness at the outset of any conversation provides the foundation from which to have the conversation. Without connection to each other as human beings, we tend to fall back into reactive patterns: overexplaining, overpreparing, not listening, avoiding the hard issues or just railroading over others. Establishing relationship at the outset creates safety. It sets both people up to let their guards down. Next is context. Share what you are wanting to speak about and ask the other person if they are willing to have this conversation now. Asking for the opt-in creates buy-in and collaboration. Connecting is like opening the door, setting context is explaining the room and content is getting into the room together.

Share Your Authentic Truth with Deep Honesty and Kindness

Holding back uncomfortable feelings and thoughts creates unrest, tension and  distrust. How do we share our truth even when it is uncomfortable? Enter the practice of Authentic Truth Distillation. Notice what you are feeling and thinking. Don’t just blurt it out. Be aware of where you are in judgment and trying to control. Let that go. Pause: Postpone Action till Satya (truth) Emerges. Share your  truth with deep honesty, kindness and humility. You don’t have the whole truth, only your perspective. Share it as such. Stuck in the middle of a conflict? Take a deep breath, pause. Maybe simply say: “I feel something about this I need to process.”

Go to the Beach. Be in Appreciative Presence a 10

On a scale from 1 to 10 how present are you now?  A 1 equals being totally distracted and a 10 is being totally here. Being present at work, in meetings, in life in general is a choice. Probably one of the most important choices we have as leaders and team members. Not being present, we likely feel stressed, maybe in some kind of judgment of the other and/or lost in completing a task and not seeing the bigger picture. Being present, we may experience a sense of groundedness and well-being, we recognize others as just like us, human beings with feelings and thoughts, and we become more connected to our purpose. From presence we create flow. Even if we are not quite sure what to say, we can always come back to choice number one: being present. From presence we see more clearly and insights and conversation flow more naturally.

The 1% Principle

Connected Communication Practice #1

Who do you choose to be in the conversation no matter how the other person reacts? Enter the power of the 1% principle: focus on what you can control and let go of your attachment to what you cannot control, the 99%. Being grounded in our intentions, for example of being deeply honest, deeply kind and deeply of service, we stay more focused on what we are trying to achieve, not distracted by our ego validation needs. Being grounded in our intentions gives us the freedom to be ourselves. This gives us space to breathe, be honest and also to empathize. We don’t need to be right. We are willing to listen to the other person. Free from the need to be right, we gain the freedom of learning together.