Conversations With Cinthia

Passive-aggressive behavior can feel safe, satisfying, even virtuous or clever, to the person practicing it, which is part of why so many people use it without recognizing it.  Its effect on others, however, can be irritating, infuriating, destabilizing, even crazy-making.  It may give us some satisfying moments or protect us from having to risk sharing our real thoughts, feelings, and boundaries, but it can prevent our relationships from being truly satisfying in the long run.  It can even destroy them.  Today Cinthia discusses what passive-aggressiveness is, why it develops, how it impacts people, and what to do if you or someone in your life tends toward it.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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Most people these days have heard the term codependency, but plenty of people don’t know what it looks like in real life or how to recognize it in themselves.  Overly narrow descriptions of it exclude lots of real-life codependents, limiting our understanding and missing the hope that we can become stronger.  Today Cinthia defines codependency and discusses a variety of ways it can operate in our day-to-day lives, as well as some areas we can begin to grow stronger.  There are some really, really great people who struggle with codependency.  Are you one of them? And, if so, what will you do with it?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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Most of the time, we talk about how to make relationships healthier, accept one another’s imperfections, and take responsibility for ourselves within the context of the lives we have.  But what about relationships that are deeply and consistently unhealthy, despite all our deepest longings and efforts?  Relationships can end in various ways, some much more devastating than others.  How do you control yourself as you navigate a situation that is beyond your control?  In the last few weeks, Cinthia has been counting down the relational threat levels, and last week she explored DEFCON 1, the point at which relationships end in one way or another.  Today she looks further at how to survive the turmoil of a relationship that has reached DEFCON 1 so that you exit well.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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Have you ever been in an environment where you thought you could not be who you really were?  Where you felt a need to project an image that was more acceptable, respectable, loveable, etc., than the real you?  Sometimes our own heads are places like that because we don’t really accept or even accurately see ourselves.  Whether we struggle to accept the unique design God had in mind when He made us or the weaknesses and failings that distort it, we can’t go much further until we accept reality as it is.  Today Cinthia explores why we may struggle with this and what it means to take responsibility for seeing and accepting ourselves as we are.  We can stop trying to make the world meet our needs in ways it can’t do, and we can stop trying to re-make ourselves in self-defeating ways, making way instead for authentic growth, relationship, and discovery of the unique individuals we were made to be.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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This is the point of no return.  In national terms, DEFCON 1 means war.  In relationship terms, it means the end of a relationship by one path or another.  In this series, which is based on the book Wars to Peace that Cinthia is just about to launch, we have been looking at how to distinguish and manage various levels of relational threat in ways that maintain our own dignity and that of others.  Today we are looking at the most extreme level of threat response, the one which generally involves acting to end the relationship.  And, while it is possible to jump to DEFCON 1 way too easily, threaten it constantly, or do things there that we regret for the rest of our lives, it is also possible to implement DEFCON 1 in a way that honors what is good, despite the inevitable losses involved.  There is a time to go to war in a relationship.  Let’s discuss what it looks like to determine this wisely and implement it from a place of health.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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The setting is a significant relationship.  You’ve been picking up some concerning signals and have been on increased alert. Now the emotional threat level is increasing, and you are starting to prepare for the possibility that you will need to act to increase safety…  Welcome to the second podcast in the DEFCON series, which introduces the concepts in Cinthia’s upcoming book, Wars to Peace.  Today we look at DEFCON levels 3 and 2, which take us beyond simply increasing our guard to actually strategizing, preparing, and being ready to mobilize if necessary.  The good news is that none of this means it’s time to start raging, throwing things, or saying things we will regret later.  Today Cinthia looks at the strategizing and defense levels as we consider how to prevent our relationships from going nuclear.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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How do relationships become war zones?  How do the emotions start flying, the words get launched, the lines get crossed, and the things we can't undo get done - all within the context of relationships that have felt safe, exciting, and beautiful?  How do we go so quickly from being someone's hero to feeling like the bad guy, from living in a fairy tale to appearing on a talk show (or at least reminding ourselves of one)?  And it’s not just our intimate relationships; any relationship that evokes our care, loyalty, or concern can become chaotic, confusing, and combative.  But does it have to be this way?  Are peaceful relationships possible, and can they be accomplished without the loss of dignity on one or both sides?  Today Cinthia introduces a podcast series based on a book she's been writing for a long time (and it’s about to launch!).  It’s called Wars to Peace: Keeping Relationships from Going Nuclear, and it teaches that we actually can protect ourselves without becoming abusive to others.  We can learn to differentiate threat levels and make clear-headed decisions, even when others are escalating, attacking, or emoting.  Join us to learn about Cinthia’s DEFCON model and how you can use it to know when/how to “go to war” productively with your loved one and when/how to practice peace without sacrificing your self-respect. To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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Healthier families happen on purpose.  They don’t consist of perfect people (That’s why we said “healthier,” not “healthy” or “ideal.”), but they do take some effort to move in a common direction.  And, while it’s true that families sometimes need major interventions and that dramatic experiences can be impactful, it tends to be the everyday “stuff”— the rituals that make up daily life—that forms the substance of our relationships.  Today Cinthia discusses what it means to be intentional about our family lives and relationships.  What would it mean for your family to take a step in the direction it values most?  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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What do you need?  It seems like a simple question, but lots of us struggle with it, ignore it, or answer it incorrectly.  Some of us give ourselves everything we want but nothing that we need.  Others of us ignore, minimize, or deny our own needs, only to find we have somehow become needier with others.  Today Cinthia discusses the importance of recognizing our own needs and taking responsibility for them, types of needs, the difference between needs and wants, and what we can do to get our needs met more fully and appropriately.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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You have a history with yourself.  Maybe there have been some good times, moments you will always cherish.  Maybe there have been some rocky points in the road -- betrayals, neglect, bad decisions, times you lost touch with your own feelings and values, all the big and little ways you have let yourself down.  Maybe you’ve reached an understanding with yourself that you will keep the internal peace by avoiding saying “no” to what your desires demand, perhaps labeling this arrangement “self-care” or “being true to myself,” though you know at some level that’s not what this is.  Or maybe you have avoided saying “yes” to yourself, assuming you don’t deserve what you want, can’t be trusted with it, don’t dare to hope anymore, or can’t risk the repercussions that being good to yourself could have.  Whatever your history, whatever your internal agreements and arrangements, you have the opportunity right now to start the journey home to being the person you were made to be.  Join Cinthia to look at what it means to come home to you.  To dive deeper into the message of each podcast, we've created a study guide for each episode. Download your FREE Study Guide here!  https://www.cinthiahiett.com/services-6

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