Coping

This blessing covers nine sacred spiritual pathways, each tailored to different ways of connecting with the divine. It acknowledges the diverse spiritual needs and inclinations of individuals, offering guidance and affirmation for each pathway. Please enjoy!

May naturalists find the creator in nature's beauty, seeing God's cathedral in the grand expanse, and find renewal in the beauty of creation.

May sensates experience the divine through every sense, feeling God's presence in worship melodies and sacred art's beauty.

May rituals and symbols of faith deepen ascetics' experience of the divine and be a source of strength and inspiration.

May solitude and simplicity bring traditionalists closer to the divine, and may their lives testify to simplicity and devotion.

May intellectuals' pursuit of knowledge and wisdom bring them closer to God, and may their knowledge enrich and bless others.

May caregivers' acts of service and kindness reflect God's love, and may their service bring joy and fulfillment to those in need.

May the mysteries and celebrations of faith fill enthusiasts' spirits with awe and wonder, and may their journey be marked by joy and reverence.

May contemplatives' reflections and stillness bring them closer to the divine, and may they find peace in God's presence.

May activists' advocacy and efforts for justice reflect God's love and righteousness, and may their actions be guided by compassion and faith.

In this episode of “Coping”, Kevin and Kathy discuss various spiritual pathways and practices for nurturing one's soul and faith. We discuss Gary Thomas's book 'Sacred Pathways' which outlines nine different pathways: naturalists, sensates, traditionalists, aesthetics, intellectuals, caregivers, enthusiasts, contemplatives, and activists. Also provided is an overview of each pathway and our personal experiences and suggesting practical ways to engage with each one.

It is important to find practices that resonate with one's unique spiritual needs and Be Well Resources encourages listeners to explore the pathways further through the book and accompanying resources.

Spiritual pathways quiz: https://groupleaders.org/curriculum-feed/spiritual-pathways-activity#personal-assessment

Be Well Resources Pathways Guide: https://www.canva.com/design/DAFys-kZ0Dc/qRxkNIbbJIvU3V0xs1fJaw/edit?utm_content=DAFys-kZ0Dc&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton

Gary Thomas, “Sacred Pathways” book: https://www.amazon.com/shop/actorkevin/list/33DKQI838HB65?linkCode=spc&tag=kevindeegan-20&domainId=influencer&asc_contentid=amzn1.ideas.33DKQI838HB65

Kevin Deegan reads a meditation titled 'Blessing in the Chaos' by Jan Richardson. It is a calming and introspective piece that encourages the reader to find stillness and peace amidst the chaos and distractions of life.

 This episode of the "Coping" podcast covers a discussion on the importance of soul care and the common excuses people make for not prioritizing it. Hosts Kathy and Kevin acknowledge that while the excuses like lack of time, discomfort with being alone, fear of silence, and inability to stop are valid, they provide practical tips and assignments to overcome these barriers. The key takeaway is that even small pockets of intentional time for soul-nourishing activities can have significant benefits for overall well-being.

Highlights

Introduction and Excuses for Lack of Soul Care 

The video introduces the topic of soul care and acknowledges the valid reasons or 'excused absences' that prevent people from practicing it, such as lack of time, discomfort with being alone, fear of silence, and inability to stop or disconnect from devices and constant busyness.

Excuse 1: Lack of Time 

The speakers discuss the common excuse of not having enough time for soul care due to work and other responsibilities. They suggest that even small pockets of 10 minutes can be carved out for soul-nourishing activities, such as during school pickups or commutes.

Excuse 2: Discomfort with Being Alone 

The speakers address the excuse of not liking to be alone, which is often confused with loneliness. They encourage scheduling a 'soul date' with oneself to engage in enjoyable activities alone, as this can lead to feeling more refreshed and present.

Excuse 3: Fear of Silence 

The speakers discuss the fear of silence as an excuse for avoiding soul care. They suggest taking a walk or drive without any noise or distractions, focusing only on natural sounds, as a way to practice entering silence and improve listening skills.

Excuse 4: Inability to Stop 

The final excuse addressed is the difficulty in stopping and disconnecting from constant busyness and technology. The speakers recommend a 'phone fast' for one hour a day, handing the phone to a loved one, to create space for being present and engaged in soul-nourishing activities.

Closing Thoughts and Meditation 

The video concludes by emphasizing the importance of making time for soul care, even if it's just small pockets of time, and the benefits it can bring to overall well-being. A meditation from Jan Richardson is shared, encouraging listeners to find stillness and peace amidst the chaos.

Listen as Kathy reads a poetic reflection called, "On Time" by Ruth Haley Barton, on the importance of slowing down and savoring life's moments. Consider this in your own practice of self care, or if you don't yet have your own, please feel free to use this as a starting point.

Kathy: I just invite you now to think about the words of this poem and check in with your soul. It is called "On Time" and it's by Ruth Haley Barton:

There have to be times in your life when you move slow. Times when you walk rather than run, settling into each step. There have to be times when you stop and gaze admiredly at loved ones, marveling that they have been given to you for this life. Times when hugs linger and kisses are real. When food and drink are savored with gratitude and humility, rather than gulp down on your way to something else.

There have to be times when you read for the sheer pleasure of it, marveling at the beauty of words and endless creativity in putting them together. Times when you settle into the comforts of home and become human once again. There have to be times when you light a candle and find the tender place inside you that loves or sorrows or sings and you pray from that place. Times when you let yourself feel, when you allow the tears to come, rather than blinking them back because you don't have time to cry.

There have to be times to sink into the soft body of yourself and love what you love simply because love itself is a grace. Times when you sit with gratitude for the good gifts of your life that get lost and forgotten in the rush of things. Times to celebrate and play, to roll down hills, to splash in water or make leaf piles, to spread paint on paper or walls or each other. There have to be times to sit and wait for the fullness of God that replenishes body, mind and soul. If you can even stand to be so full, there has to be time for the fullness of time or time is meaningless.

Summary

Kevin and Kathy discuss the concept of 'soul care' and practices to nurture one's soul. Their discussion explores the importance of solitude, silence, and stillness as means to connect with one's inner self and find peace amidst the distractions and noise of daily life. Interspersed are helpful personal anecdotes, practical tips, and a poem that encourages slowing down and appreciating the present moment.

Kevin 

Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of Coping. We took off a few weeks ago, giving you all a vacation and we also took a vacation ourselves. 

Kathy 

Yes, and we thought it was a great time to begin a new series we're calling Summer Soul Care. I wonder, Kevin, what comes to your mind when you think about soul care? 

Kevin 

Well, I work in a hospital, and our department is called the spiritual care department. So I actually spend a lot of time thinking about spiritual care, soul care, and how to do that effectively, especially for those who are sick and in the hospital setting. So the first thing that comes to mind for me is something that's active, to make sure that when you care for either your own soul or somebody else's soul, it's an action that you do, a practice that you take, something that you offer that's tangible. 

Kathy 

Hmm. Yeah, that's a good and easy, practical way to think about it. And especially as we're thinking about our souls, we can link it to something that we'll be doing. So let's get started.

Kathy 

So one of our favorite podcasters and authors, her name is Ruth Haley Barton. She writes this quote, I really love this thought provoking quote. She says, "losing your soul is sort of like losing a credit card. You think it's in your wallet or purse, so you don't give it much thought until one day you reach for it and you can't find it. 

Kathy 

The minute you realize it's gone, you start scrambling to find it, trying to remember when you lost it or last used it or at least had it in your possession. No matter what is going on in your life, you have to stop and look for it because otherwise there could be major damage done. 

Kathy 

Some of us know that we are losing bits and pieces of our souls every day and we are scared to death that we might be very close to going over an edge." So as a chaplain, how have you experienced this with those you serve? 

Kevin 

Yeah, this is something I help patients wrestle with on a daily basis. The reality is most people don't give a lot of thought to their spiritual life, to their souls. It's only when we are sick, when we are ill and in pain, that we look for strength and often look inward for that strength to be able to push through and to cope with whatever we're going through. 

Kevin 

And so what happens, like that analogy that's so vivid and so true about the credit card, if you haven't been investing into that fund, you don't have the funds to tap into on that card and that soul, then you find yourself not being able to use it when you need it most. 

Kevin 

And, you know, my belief is that we never lose our soul, we never go to a point where we don't have it. But if we're not investing in it, then it's certainly not going to be valuable to us when we perhaps need it most. And so when we encounter somebody who has deficient funds on their card or in their spiritual life, it's a chaplain's job to come alongside them and to help them tap into their strengths in their life, to help them connect to their faith practices, their rituals, the things that give their life meaning so that they could begin to cope with their illness and then find a pathway to healing that encompasses not just their physical body, but their emotional, spiritual mental selves as well. 

Kathy 

Yes, that sounds very practical and helpful. And like you said, it often doesn't happen until the body begins shutting down. A part of ourselves is not working, that we then begin to think about that. 

Kevin 

For sure that's exactly it. Whenever one part of ourselves feels deficient we tap into the other parts of ourselves to find what we're missing. I wonder for you as a coach where do you see this in the lives of your students? 

Kathy 

Well, I think they're like most people not thinking about their souls, like they don't have time to or they don't know what that looks like or what that means. And so if there's no awareness about soul care and practices, then you can't move forward. You can't, like you said, you won't have anything to show in those times where you need it the most. And so today we want to discuss the first three S's of soul care in hopes of beginning this discussion. 

Kathy 

So the first S is solitude. And we're going to define solitude as uninterrupted alone time in a distraction free environment. Uninterrupted alone time in a distraction free environment. It's kind of a joke where we think, what? Which environment is distraction-free these days? But what are your thoughts on solitude and how do you think that we can find this in the busyness of our world? 

Kevin 

Yeah, what you pointed out in that definition is what stood out to me is the distraction free environment. I can't think of an environment that is distraction free. Likewise, we fill our lives with a lot of positive distractions as well, friends, family, hobbies, things that we like to do. 

Kevin 

But solitude is that practice that we are intentionally letting go of those things that keep us busy, that keep us distracted from what's actually going on inside. And it becomes the way that we cope with our pain and our lives being the way that they are so hectic and crazy is by continually moving from one thing to the next to keep our mind busy so it's not flooded with those deeper, harder feelings that are conjuring inside. And so it's definitely a hard one. But something that comes to mind is the need to sacrifice something to find that solitude often will require saying no to things or to people and creating that intentional space for that solitude. 

Kathy 

And in our community, what we talk about that might be helpful is to actually schedule in times of solitude. One homework assignment – and our listeners can do this – this week is to schedule a soul date for themselves where they can enter into the solitude. I would say that doesn't have to be long. It can be 20 minutes. It doesn't have to be, oh, I don't have an entire day. It can be a short period of time. It could be 20 minutes. And the best thing about entering into solitude, the best benefit we have from solitude is that it allows us after we've been in solitude to be more present. 

Kevin 

And that leads us well into our next S of soul care, is silence. And so we define silence as abstaining from speaking, reading and noise in order to be quiet. Gosh, I'm thinking about how noisy my work is, how noisy the world is, the freeways are, the news is, my phone can be, gosh, Kathy, how do we find silence in this day and age? 

Kathy 

Another good question, the first thing I would say is I think everyone needs to stop and think about how they feel about silence. Does it make you nervous if things are too quiet? Are we okay with there being no noise or background music or background TV? We turn on all of these things to avoid the silence, so I think it's important to have a little conversation with ourselves to determine how we feel about the silence, and if we're giving ourselves permission to enter the silence, then silence practices will be beneficial to us. 

Kevin 

That's so true. And I think just from personal experience, learning to be comfortable with silence. For most people, I think they're adverse to being in silence because the silence isn't silent. When you're starting off trying to be silent, that's where all the noise comes up with your thoughts, your feelings, all of those fears and concerns, the worries, the to-do list, everything starts to rush in when you create that space and that silence. And so if you find yourself struggling to find that silence, even when you're being intentional about it, my encouragement is to keep trying. 

Kevin 

Keep creating that space for silence. You can keep a pad of paper next to you so that if thoughts and things that you need to remember flood in in those moments of silence, write them down and then move back to your silent place again. It's so important that we continue to practice silence, knowing that it's a hard thing to do and continue to go back to it again and again because after we move through all of that noise that floods in when we are silent, on the other side of that is that peaceful silence that I think that we're all craving. 

Kathy 

100% true. And yeah, the notebook is a really good idea. And then if you like to be active when you're trying to enter the silence, this is one that I do often is you can go on a walk without any music. But what you can do is listen to the sounds that you hear on your walk. You can start counting them. You can start cataloging them. Really what you are doing is you are entering silence, even though it sounds like you're not because you're hearing noises, but you're allowing the natural sounds to enter in instead of what we typically have are the distracted noises of the world entering in. 

Kathy 

So if you're going on this walk, it's a very good way. Maybe it's like a bridge to entering silent places. This is like a really good way to do it as well. And the main benefit from entering into silence when you do these practices is that then we're actually attuning our ears to listen. 

Kevin 

And attuning our ears to listen to self, all of those things that we push down and we're moving away from, those difficult feelings and thoughts. But when we learn to listen to self, we then are better able to listen to others and what their experiences are and be present to them in their pain and their story. And that leads us into our last S for this episode. And our third S is stillness. How are we defining stillness? 

Kathy 

Stillness is defined as "to stop, cease, desist, and disconnect from the outside world". 

Kevin 

Man, these are getting harder and harder, aren't they? They seem to also be building on one another. How do we get to this third S of stillness? 

Kathy 

Well, there's I think something that's been the theme of our discussion today is that there needs to be a lot of intentionality around this practice. So believe it or not, you may or may not know about this feature on your phone. It's called Do Not Disturb. And guess what? We can turn it on. And one practice that you can do is to turn it on on your phone for an hour a day. Put on Do Not Disturb on your phone and allow the stillness to come in as you disconnect. 

Kathy 

It doesn't mean that you're just going to be still during that time, but you're disconnecting from that usual hustle, bustle, chaos, noise. You could do something else in the stillness. It's not that you have to sit still. Notice that's not what we said. But the major benefit from entering into stillness is that we can become better engaged after being still. 

Kathy 

So out of these three, solitude, silence, or stillness, which one do you think is easiest for you? 

Kevin 

Gosh. I've had a lot of practice with silence, learning to be silent, and to tune into that silence. So I think that that's probably the one that's easiest for me. It's the hardest to find, but when it's there, I feel very comfortable with it, if that makes sense. What about for you? 

Kathy 

Uh, the easiest, and again, these aren't easy, but they come more naturally if you keep practicing, um, I would say is solitude because I really now look forward to times when nobody is at home, like, um, I think it was an hour today of no one being here so that I can enter into the solitude. 

Kevin 

Right. And which one's difficult for you? 

Kathy 

I think stillness is still hard for me. I'm the one telling you to put on do not disturb. The reason is, is I am such a breaking news type of person that, and especially these days, we've had a lot of breaking news that has been very important to our world that I don't want to miss out. It's the FOMO, that's terrible. But like, you're gonna miss out on hearing something or a text message or someone was trying to call you, but in the days when we didn't have technology, we all just waited. 

Kathy 

I lived during that time period. It was totally fine that we didn't find out for three hours about the breaking news or whatever it was, nothing happened. And it was actually all better because then we were all more, we weren't on this 24 hours a day, seven days a week, nonstop, chaotic, stressful rollercoaster of what we all are living on right now. 

Kevin 

And so to end our podcast today, we'd like to invite everybody to take a moment to do their own soul check-in. And so I'm going to hand it over to Kathy, who will lead us through that. 

Kathy 

Yes, I just invite you now to think about the words of this poem and check in with your soul. It is called "On Time" and it's by Ruth Haley Barton.

There have to be times in your life when you move slow. Times when you walk rather than run, settling into each step. There have to be times when you stop and gaze admiredly at loved ones, marveling that they have been given to you for this life. 

Times when hugs linger and kisses are real. When food and drink are savored with gratitude and humility, rather than gulp down on your way to something else. There have to be times when you read for the sheer pleasure of it, marveling at the beauty of words and endless creativity in putting them together. 

Times when you settle into the comforts of home and become human once again. There have to be times when you light a candle and find the tender place inside you that loves or sorrows or sings and you pray from that place.

Times when you let yourself feel, when you allow the tears to come rather than blinking them back because you don't have time to cry. There have to be times to sink into the soft body of yourself and love what you love simply because love itself is a grace.

Times when you sit with gratitude for the good gifts of your life that get lost and forgotten in the rush of things. Times to celebrate and play, to roll down hills, to splash in water or make leaf piles, to spread paint on paper or walls or each other. 

There have to be times to sit and wait for the fullness of God that replenishes body, mind and soul. If you can even stand to be so full, there has to be time for the fullness of time or time is meaningless.

Summary

In this short episode, Kevin guides you through a relaxing journey to an imaginary beach. Engage your senses by imagining the warm sand, blue sky, gentle waves, and refreshing ocean breeze. Immerse yourself as you create a place of tranquility that you can return to anytime you need.

Kevin 

Now that the summer season is upon us, we could all use a vacation. Join me now in a meditation vacation. Before we begin, find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down. I invite you to close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, feeling your lungs completely. 

Hold it for a moment and then slowly exhale through your mouth. Let's repeat this a few times. Breathe in through your nose, hold it, exhale through your mouth. Breathing in, hold, exhale. Continue breathing now in a comfortable rhythm. And let's go to the oceanside. 

Imagine yourself standing at the shore of a beautiful beach. Feel the warmth of the golden sand beneath your feet. Notice how the grains of sand move gently between your toes and around your heels. The sand is warm, comforting, and grounding. As you stand here, take in your surroundings. 

The sky above is a brilliant shade of blue, with gentle white clouds drifting by. The sun is shining brightly on your skin. Its warmth envelops your body, making you feel at ease. Take a moment to listen to the rhythmic sounds of the waves as they gently lap against the shore. 

The ocean stretches out before you as a deep blue and turquoise. The sound of the waves are soothing; a natural symphony that calms your mind. Feel that gentle breeze blowing in from the ocean, carrying with it the faint scent of salt and sea. 

This breeze cools your skin, bringing refreshment as it rustles the leaves of nearby palm trees. Now, begin to walk slowly along the shoreline. With each step, feel the cool, damp sand beneath your feet. 

As you walk, notice how every so often a gentle wave makes its way to the shore, washing your feet up to your ankles. The water is pleasant and cool, a perfect contrast to the warmth of the sun and sand. 

As you walk, turn your gaze to the horizon, where the sea meets the sky. Notice the subtle changes in color, the way the blues blend into a beautiful gradient green. A few seagulls soar overhead, their calls echoing softly in the distance, enhancing the peaceful soundscape. 

Now, arrive to a spot where you feel comfortable to sit down. Feel the sand mold to your body, supporting you as you relax. Take a deep breath in and exhale. Let go of any remaining tension in your body. 

Allow yourself to fully embrace this moment of tranquility. Imagine yourself lying back on the sand, looking up at the sky. Watch as the clouds drift by, slowly changing shapes and sizes. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, and let it soothe any lingering stress or worry. 

Stay here for a while. Let the sights, sounds, and sensations fill you with a sense of calm and relaxation. 

Know that you can return to this place anytime you need to find peace. When you're ready, slowly bring your awareness back to your physical surroundings. Start by moving your fingers and toes and gently stretch your body. 

And let's take one last deep breath in and as you exhale, open your eyes. Notice the physical space around you and what's changed inside of you. I hope you're feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. May you carry this sense of calm wherever you go.

Summary

This episode of “Coping” discusses the concept of a 'courage quotient' and presents seven acts of courage that individuals can rate themselves on, from 1 (weakest) to 7 (strongest). These acts include having a vision and dreams, seeing reality, confronting issues, accepting criticism, taking risks, being vulnerable, and following through on actions. Take time now to see where you stand, reflect on your strengths and areas for improvement regarding these acts of courage.

Kathy 

When we talk about each act, I want you to think about on a scale of one to seven, one being the weakest, seven being the strongest, you're going to rate yourself to find your courage quotient.

Kevin 

Number one: Do you have vision, goals and dreams? Then you may have the first act of courage. The courage to dream and to express it.

Kathy 

So go ahead and rate yourself on the courage to dream.

Kevin 

Number two: Do you have the ability to see truth and not have blinders on? Then you may have the second act of courage -- the courage to see reality.

Kathy 

Rate yourself from one to seven on the ability to see truth.

Kevin 

Number three: Do you have the ability to speak up? Speak truth to power and confront? Perhaps you have the third act of courage -- the courage to confront.

Kathy 

What's your score on the courage to confront? Write it down.

Kevin 

Number four: Maybe you are able to take critique and constructive criticism well. Then, you may have the fourth act of courage -- the courage to be confronted.

Kathy 

Rate yourself on how well you can be confronted.

Kevin 

Number five: are you able to step into the unknown and take risks? Then maybe you're able to exercise the fifth act of courage, the courage to learn and grow. 

Kathy 

How do you score on stepping into the unknown and taking risks?

Kevin 

Number six. Perhaps you have the ability to be vulnerable with others, tell the truth of your story, and also ask for help. This exercise is the sixth act of courage, the courage to be vulnerable. 

Kathy 

Rate your vulnerability score now.

Kevin 

And number seven. Maybe you have practiced the ability to step up and follow through. Then you are exercising the seventh act of courage, the courage to act.

Kathy 

Rate your score for the seventh act of courage, the courage to act. 

So good job everyone. What's your overall courage quotient? As you score yourself, which act of courage came easiest for you? And which one do you need some work on this week? Thanks so much for joining us for another episode of "Coping", and whatever you may be coping with, blessings to you.

Summary

This episode of “Coping” discusses the concept of courage and introduces seven daily acts of courage as outlined by Robert Staub in his TED Talk. Kevin and Kathy engage in a thoughtful dialogue exploring each of the seven acts and share personal experiences and insights on how these acts manifest in their lives as well as the importance of practicing courage daily. At the end, you’ll be given the opportunity to rate yourself on each act of courage to determine your overall 'courage quotient'.

Kevin 

Oh, hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of “Coping”.

Kathy 

Yes, welcome back, everyone. Today, we want to continue our discussion on courage that we started our last podcast. And I have a question for you, Kevin: would you consider yourself a courageous person? 

Kevin 

Well, based on our last podcast episode conversation, I've been rethinking my definition of courage, the models and myths that I've developed over the years. I would say that I am a risk taker. I like to take risks, I like that feeling of taking a leap of faith, and then that leap being met with some success or improvement. So I don't know if I would say I'm courageous, but I definitely am open to taking calculated risks. And what about you? Do you consider yourself to be a courageous person?

Kathy 

I think the same applies to if I consider myself to be a creative person. The answer is traditionally no. But I think that if I look into my life, I see lots of acts of courage and risk-taking. So others would say that about me. So I think this discussion today is really going to widen and round out our view of what courage looks like. So let's get started.

Kathy 

So as you all know, in a recent spring retreat, I shared about this topic of courage. And I also introduced executive leadership coach speaker Robert Staub, who did a 2016 TED Talk called Daily Acts of Courage. And there he talks about how we can practice small acts every day to strengthen the courage of our hearts. It's such an interesting concept. And there are actually seven everyday acts of courage we can all engage in every single day to build up our courage. 

Kathy 

So the first act of courage is the courage to dream and express it. Do you have visions, goals, and dreams, Kevin? How's that for you?

Kevin 

Yes, ever since a young age, I was a dreamer, had big plans for my life, envisioned my goals and went after them. I would say I erred on the side of dreaming and didn't always have a plan to accomplish those dreams and goals. In our relationship, I'm definitely the dreamer, but you're the person that helps make those dreams and goals become a reality. So that's why I think we partner well together. What about you? How do you express your dreaming and goal setting in your life, knowing that you're a very practical person?

Kathy 

So I would say, and I often say to students, it's okay not to be a dreamer, not to have a dream, but what happens though is that we do have to have a plan for our lives moving forward. And if you look into my life, you see lots of dreaming, lots of ideas being carried out. There's two sources. We have to tap into the sources of where our dreaming can come from. For me, it has been my faith, where I actively am listening. That would be the number one source. And the second place is for the needs of those people I serve, I'm always dreaming for them. And that is how the dream comes true for me. I personally still to this day don't have any dreams, but if I dream for those that I'm helping and serving, there's lots. And I can then take steps toward that, courageous steps towards that. So it's very untraditional.

Kevin 

Yeah, and I think that that leads us to the second act of courage, which is the courage to see current reality. This is something that I see you do particularly well, especially for the students that you work with. Do you have the ability to see the truth and not have blinders on? How do you have that unique and innate ability to see current reality? How do you do that?

Kathy 

This is a really hard one, especially in light of how difficult our experiences are, the world around us, the reality, the harsh reality that we all are living in right now. I think first of all is that the ability to see reality is to admit truth to yourself, to be open to truth. I think it's a gift. I think discernment is a gift that we are given. So I've had that from a young age, the gift to see things as they are. But that doesn't mean that I wanted to always step into that. There was a period of time in my life where I shut my eyes to the harsh reality and I lived in a fantasy world and a dream-like state of like, oh, everyone's helpful, everyone's nice, everyone has my best interest at heart. 

Kathy 

I don't believe that any longer, sadly. But I know that now we live in a broken world, but we're here to help redeem the broken places. So that helps me to embrace the truth of things because only when we can see broken things as they are can we actually move in to try and come alongside to help fix, support, et cetera. 

Kevin 

Hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Kathy 

And what about you? Do you feel like you have the ability to see truth without the blinders on?

Kevin 

I've had to learn how to do this. I think the practice of seeing current reality and accepting it and not getting lost in the dream world like you said, is a practice I've developed in my work as a chaplain with other people, especially those who are sick and in pain in the hospital, getting new diagnoses. There's a sacredness and the ability to be present to somebody in their story and in their pain and not try to silver line their difficult and challenging experience. And so to support somebody who is struggling is the ability to see them and their pain and not trying to fix it. So I've, I've practiced that quite a lot in my work and gotten pretty good at it. Even though it doesn't come as naturally to me.

Kathy 

Yes. To sit in the present reality with them, which is very bleak at times. 

Kevin 

Right. Right.

Kathy 

And you know, that leads us to the third act of courage, the courage to confront. You know, truth has a lot to do with courage. So first we're talking about the truth of acknowledging reality. And then the second part is the courage to confront. And this one, as we know, is especially difficult. One I've had to work on over the years to be able to not only see the truth, but then confront it when necessary. I would say that I'm okay at doing it. I just know it's part of leadership now. And it's just one of those things, skills that you can have. It doesn't ever make it any easier, I would say, but I do have that skill now in my tool bag, but it's still really hard. How about you?

Kevin 

Yeah, I think that when I think about confrontation it makes me a little bit nervous. I don't like hurting other people's feelings. I care way too much about what people think about me, how they perceive me, and I want everybody to like me. And so confrontation is a hard practice when you care a lot about those things and for me a little bit too much about those things. But I've learned in my life that the most meaningful relationships, the most meaningful experiences, are the ones where I'm willing to speak the truth, to tell the truth to somebody, to endure confrontation, and to face things head-on. And so I don't like to be the one to initiate the confrontation, but if somebody has something they want to tell me about that I've done, something that I did or said and wasn't aware of, I want somebody to point it out to me because I don't want to be, you know, hurting other people's feelings or to be doing something that I haven't given a lot of thought to so, yeah, confrontation is hard, but I've I've learned that there can be some good that comes from healthy confrontation.

Kathy 

Yes, that's actually the fourth act of courage that you're talking about. So the third one is the courage to confront and the fourth is the courage to be confronted.

Kevin 

Yeah, I think I find this one to be much easier for me. What about for you? How do you feel about confronting and being confronted? 

Kathy 

Yeah, so again, I think both these areas have had to work on a lot as a two on the Enneagram -- helper -- I didn't like other people's perception of me and that was very hard. I was very sensitive as a young child to criticism, to people saying things. As I grew older I began to understand the value of standing up for truth. I am an advocate. So being able to confront others, but then also having to be confronted. It works both sides of the coin -- If we can confront we have to be able to be confronted. So it's hard But I would say again, it's something that I'm used to doing fairly often. I had someone do it this week about an experience that they had in one of our programs and they're like, "Oh, sorry to tell you this" and I was like, "No tell me. I really do want to hear because I desperately want to improve and for us to get better."

Kevin 

Yeah, and that leaves us perfectly into our fifth act of courage and that's the courage to learn and to grow. And so like you just said, we're open to confrontation because you and I both share a value of always learning and always growing, being open to new ways of seeing things, new perspectives. We want to know those hard truths so that we can improve all of the ways of being in the world. Have you always been the kind of person courageous enough to always want to learn and grow?

Kathy 

No, I'm not a risky person. I don't like change. I don't like risks. I don't like things changing, no. And I think that's surprising for people who see the outer view of me, because they're like, "You're always changing. You're always pivoting." And I'm like, yes, but I had to, again, step into that. And for me, it is faith. That's the core of it, that if I feel like it's a faith move, then I can step into learning and growing, because I know that my faith is empowering me and those around me. 

Kevin 

Yeah. It's so interesting to hear you say that you're not the kind of person that likes change and risk. I know that to be true about you, but I also see it as somebody that does want to always learn and always wants to grow and is always taking in new information, new perspectives and so I wonder if you could say a little bit more about how you wrestle with that tension in your own life.

Kathy 

Yeah, I was gonna say that just like we talked in our last podcast about fear and courage existing in the same moment -- Is this the same, right? It's okay to not like risks. It's okay to not like change but know that all of the change and the growth and dreaming is necessary to move us forward to higher versions of ourselves, our callings our service and so if you're not wanting to do that. That's okay. I don't think I want to do it either. I would rather just stay home all day and watch my favorite Netflix shows and not take risks and not move forward. Yeah, like we all -- I want everyone to understand. like even people like us that you all see that are doing that, I personally, it's not my favorite. But again, it's about in the end you have to determine what kind of life do you want for yourself? If it's a life of stagnation or a life of growth and a life of growth involves work, investment, constant sowing and discipline. So whatever life you want, you know, if you want to live a courageous life, you have to put the work into it. So that's just the bottom line. You don't have to like it. I don't necessarily like it all the time, but I know that it's necessary. That's where the tension exists.

Kevin 

So what's number six? What's the sixth act of courage?

Kathy 

So you already mentioned this one, but this is one that's I think is really interesting. Staub says that the sixth act of courage -- courage is the ability to be vulnerable with others and living the truth of your story and also asking for help, being able to ask for help. You shared a little bit earlier about the vulnerable piece. What about you?

Kevin 

Yeah, I love the correlation between living your truth but also asking for help. I have learned over the years that vulnerability comes naturally to those who have had a lot of hardship and challenges in their life. And so that pain is very present to me in all of my experiences, even when I'm having my most joyous moments, that sadness is lingering right there. When I'm sitting with people in their pain, I'm feeling my own resonance with that pain that they've had because of my own history of pain and loss. And so I think vulnerability is that ability to tap into my own experiences of pain and express some compassion for people who are experiencing that themselves. But true vulnerability is not suspended on its own. 

Kevin 

And so true vulnerability is coupled with good systems of support. When I'm just vulnerable, I'm just feeling pain and feeling the person's pain that I'm with. But the ability to show up courageously and to be vulnerable with somebody is recognizing that, yes, I do have my pain, but I'm also walking down a pathway of healing. And because I know that healing from that pain is possible, I can convey that to the person that I'm with. So vulnerability is not just a feeling. The courage of vulnerability is asking for help and having systems of support in place to support my pain so that I can support others who are in pain as well. 

Kathy 

It's interesting that you're talking about vulnerability isn't a feeling, it's an action because that leads us to the seventh act of courage, which is the courage to act. In the end, courage is not a word, it's not a feeling, it's not a label, it's an action. So if you have practiced the ability to step up and follow through in your life, then this is what he says: the seventh act of courage is the courage to act.

Kevin 

And I love how each of the acts of courage build on one another and lead to action themselves. When we think about courageous people and how they're brave enough to make change in their lives, to take those leaps of faith, we can see it's not just one isolated decision, it's a series of decisions, a series of acts, if you will, that lead to even more action in their life. 

Kathy 

Yes, I love that he's built this bridge of courage for us in these seven acts, and they're so practical. I just have loved learning about this. And to sum up basically what we've done today, one of the quotes he says, he teaches, "small daily acts of courage can develop the cardiovascular system of your soul". Small daily acts of courage can develop the cardiovascular system of your soul. So I wonder today, how is your soul doing with regards to courage? We thought we would help you figure out your courage quotient today. 

Kathy 

We're going to review the seven acts. And what I would like you to do now, if you'd like to join us, you would grab a piece of paper. I'll let you do that. While you're grabbing your piece of paper, you want to number from one to seven. The one to seven is going to represent the seven daily acts of courage that we just talked about. So you're numbering your paper one to seven and then here's what we're going to do. When we talk about each act, I want you to think about on a scale of one to seven, one being the weakest, seven being the strongest, you're going to rate yourself to find your courage quotient. 

Kevin 

Number one, do you have vision, goals, and dreams? Then you may have the first act of courage, the courage to dream and to express it.

Kathy 

So go ahead and rate yourself on the courage to dream.

Kevin 

Number two, do you have the ability to see truth and not have blinders on? Then you may have the second act of courage, the courage to see reality.

Kathy 

Rate yourself from one to seven on the ability to see truth.

Kevin 

Number three, do you have the ability to speak up, speak truth to power and confront? Perhaps you have the third act of courage, the courage to confront.

Kathy 

What's your score on the courage to confront? Write it down.

Kevin 

Number four, maybe you are able to take critique and constructive criticism well. Then you may have the fourth act of courage, the courage to be confronted.

Kathy 

Rate yourself on how well you can be confronted.

Kevin 

Number five, are you able to step into the unknown and take risks? Then maybe you're able to exercise the fifth act of courage, the courage to learn and grow. 

Kathy 

How do you score on stepping into the unknown and taking risks?

Kevin 

Number six, perhaps you have the ability to be vulnerable with others, tell the truth of your story, and also ask for help. This exercise is the sixth act of courage, the courage to be vulnerable. 

Kathy 

Rate your vulnerability score now.

Kevin 

And number seven, maybe you have practiced the ability to step up and follow through. Then you are exercising the seventh act of courage, the courage to act.

Kathy 

Rate your score for the seventh act of courage, the courage to act. So good job, everyone. What's your overall courage quotient? As you score yourself, which act of courage came easiest for you? And which one do you need some work on this week? Thanks so much for joining us for another episode of "Coping" and whatever you may be coping with, blessings to you.

Felice St John leads you through a guided meditation focused on breath awareness, releasing negative thoughts or emotions, visualizing positive intentions, and allowing healing energy to flow through the body. The meditation aims to promote a deep sense of peace, relaxation, and connection with a higher power or life force. It encourages participants to let go of what no longer serves them and create space for new, positive experiences and desires. Enjoy! From Be Well to you.

Felice St. John 

Sitting comfortably or lying down with your eyes closed, let's begin by becoming aware of the breath. Breathing in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth. Just taking your time to connect with your breath and be with yourself throughout this meditation. 

Feel the breath as it enters with a cool feeling and then warming as it gently travels down into the lungs. Fill the lungs with a deep inhale, bringing in energy, vitality, connecting you back to source energy, the life force, God, the universe. 

As you exhale, feel the body releasing toxins and stress and any negativity that has accumulated in your body. Stay with this breath, focusing on the feeling of deep peace, deep inhalations and exhalations at your own pace. 

Keep with your breath as we continue. What are you holding on to that you need to let go of and release? Conjure an image for that. See it clearly and then let it go. Maybe it's a specific image or a color or a feeling. 

Maybe you want to gently take that image from your mind's eye and crumple it up and toss it away to the side. Or maybe it's an image in a cloud and you want to give a big, deep exhalation and let that image just blow away. 

Feel the energy of release in your body and how that creates new space for a new image of where you are heading. See that image brightly and vividly in your mind. Become aware of the warmth and tingling of every cell in your body as you focus deeply on that new image, that new color. 

Feel it in your body. Look at that image in your mind's eye, focusing on it. Feel the energy that is in the extended environment in every part of nature and in every living thing that is working for you and for what you are creating space for. 

Bring all those energies together and feel them as one. Visualize all of that thriving energy shining brightly as the sun. Bring the shining glow of bright energy over the crown of your head. Let it hover there for a moment and then feel it starting to travel down into your body from the top of your head, slowly going down into your face and neck, traveling down into the shoulders, all the way down into your arms and down into your fingers. 

Feel that healing energy and light going down from your chest all the way down your back, your abdomen into your hips. And feel it continue traveling down your legs all the way down to your toes. Your whole body is now filled with divine healing light and energy, thriving energy. 

Allow that healing energy to completely fill any physical area that needs healing energy anywhere in your body. Feel it warming, healing and expanding through that area with a bright glow. Allow the healing light to bring peace and healing to any emotional issues or traumas. 

Let it fill the gaps where the old image took up space. Bring your awareness to any intentions or desires that you may have, to your new image, holding the thoughts of those intentions or desires as you allow the healing energy to bring your deepest desires to life and your intentions into reality. 

Feel your connection to divine energy and light and know that all is one. Stay with this deep, relaxing, peaceful feeling of bliss. Inhaling and exhaling slowly. Knowing that you are at peace and that you can tap into this peace anytime you need to, it is accessible to you. 

Take a few more deep breaths and when you're ready, you may slowly open your eyes. And feel this deep sense of peace that you carry with you.